Stage Crush (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - Episode 7 - full transcript

Did you see who that was?

Who, the hot girl?

No, that's Groshovsky.

Paul Groshovsky.

His 'Seagull'
was a masterpiece,

they teach it in graduate school

College too.

Shall I put it more plainly?

If you could, yes.

Get rid of that man
of yours right now,

otherwise you'll be stuck
with him forever.



I wanted to talk to you.

You're either shooting a movie
or you're pregnant.

I'm getting married.

Mazel Tov.

What happened
was a mistake, okay?

So... it won't happen again.

Of course.
Who'd go near you anyway?

Can you help me join... Tinder?
-Tinder?

I love curls.

Coward! Coward!

There's a man like you
in every port.

What is this leg?

What is it?

It's fat, that what it is.
-You idiot.



It's beautiful,
it's a woman's leg.

What did you expect, a chicken leg?
I'm a woman.

Look at this,
look at all this flesh.

Stop, Ofer.
-It's like a peasant's leg.

She milks cows,
puts a whole lamb on her neck,

walks around with it, collects eggs,
strong, sturdy.

Shut up.
-It's a building block.

This cellulite of yours
you hate so much.

It's a medal of honor! -It's fat that got stuck.

Okay, Ofer, we get the picture.
Stop it. -And this ass!

It's driving me crazy.
It's insane fertility! -Stop.

You can't look at an ass like this
and not think about kids.

You think about kids
when you look at my ass?

Then you may be a pedophile.

Could it be

that you're excited that I'm...

a girl who likes food and cake?

And your other girlfriends
didn't like cake.

I love you.

Great.
-I really love you.

You know how I know?
-How?

Because you're not hot

Yes.

That could be
an indication. of love.

I actually love you.

You're not hot.
-You have to stop saying that.

You have to stop saying that.
-You don't believe me, do you?

It's just that
you don't really know me.

True, I don't know you,
but I can still tell you

that I love you
and that I've never felt like this...

Great, enough, okay?
-In my life.

Enough.

Why is it enough?

Why is it enough when
I love this flesh

and this head so much,
why is it enough?

You're so beautiful.

Thank you.

No, thank you.

Thank you, thank you.

Again?
-Just a quickie. -What's with you?

Just a quickie.
-What are you, 16?

Real quick, real quick.
-But I'm tired.

Just a quickie.

A quickie.

"Reut, my love.

"We've finally reached a point
where we're gonna rock this joint.

"Under a canopy of stars,
the night is ours.

"You make me so high,
we've reached the sky

"After two years, oh my!
I'm the pudding and you're the pie.

"I love you from your brow to your toes,
and so much more than anyone knows.

"Yours, Buddha."

He calls me Buddha.

It's awful.

Why?
No, it's nice.

Really?
-Sure.

I just have one little remark.
-See? It's awful.

No, it's fine,
it's naive and...

Tell me the truth.
-I am,

there's just one tiny little thing...
-Well?

I would add a sentence
that's a little more...

specific.

Something that tells me something
about Reut himself

or about your special relationship.

You mean, something witty, like...

"You look at me
with so much love that

"I become the hand
and you the glove"

Forget rhyming.

Why? -Forget rhyming,
it's too limited.

You've wasted so much time thinking
about a rhyme for 'sky',

you ended up with 'pudding and pie'.

We've reached the sky
you're the apple of my eye.

We've reached the sky,
now we shall die.

It just makes you
write nonsense,

instead of telling the truth.

Then why did you say it's nice?
You don't think it's nice.

No, it is nice.

The part about the brow is...

It's cute.
-And aside from that?

It's not...
-It's not good, it's not good.

It is good, but it's not a matter
of good or not good, it's...

You know, I wrote
my wedding vows to Tomer

after our first year together.

I'm such an idiot.
-And?

He took me to a vacation cabin,

so I was sure
he was going to propose.

He didn't propose or anything,

we just fought all day
and he said

he's just not ready
to move in together, so...

Why didn't you leave him then?

Why?
I thought things would work out.

You write it for me.

What?
-You write it.

Or just give me
what you wrote to Tomer,

for all I care.
as long as it's nice

Maya, I'm not writing it.

I have to go upstairs.
I'm counting on you, Iris.

Don't bring a check,
I don't want a check.

She said there's no running water
because there's no budget for it,

and we won't get half of
the appliances we asked for

because there aren't
enough outlets on stage.

And I don't know what
we'll do about the laundry scene

I can't believe
they told me

two minutes
before the first run...

Good morning.

Good morning.
-Ofer, what are you doing here?

We're doing a run for Vera,

I asked you guys
to go over the script.

Yeah, I just asked them
to print mine out again.

What happened to your text?
-I lost it.

But I know the whole thing
by heart, don't worry.

Anyway, I'll come back...

some other time.

And we're supposed
to rely on him... So,

what do you think?

It's nice.

What's nice?

It's nice, the set is nice.

What, with the electricity?
-Great.

This is nice? Thank you.
-No, no. -Fine.

It's not nice.
-Thanks a lot.

I'll go take a look at...
-The electricity.

I'll go to take a look at the set.
-Okay.

Good luck to us.
-Things always work out...

Hello.

The actors are a little nervous,

it's the first time
we have an audience,

so we'll try to do a run
from the top,

if there's a problem, we'll stop,
fix it and continue. -Good luck.

Go ahead.

And lights.

Tzutz, look.

What? -Our own apartment,
what do you think?

It's our own.
It's a good apartment.

You think
we made a mistake?

With the apartment?
-Moving in together?

Do you regret it?
-I don't, do you?

I do.
-What?

I'm used to living alone.

Listen, we'll be like roommates who
sleep together

I can live with that.

Then let's mark our territory.

Okay, what should I do?
Pee around?

No, but we need a constitution,
let's make some rules.

First rule.
-Yes.

If you find
one of my shirts on the floor,

don't touch it! There's thought behind it.

Whoever doesn't replace the toilet paper roll,
should watch out.

If anyone suspects

that the milk or yogurt
in the fridge have expired,

you have to throw it away
before the other one drinks it.

Hair may clog the shower drain
from time to time,

don't worry, don't panic,
dude, it'll be taken care of.

No one calls me 'dude'
in this house. -Why not? It's funny.

I don't think so.

Agreed.

What now?
-We organize things.

After that?
-We live here.

Two, three and...

Black. Great. Music...
-Wait,

I'm sorry to interrupt.

Does it go on like this?

Uh... yes, now

it starts getting a little funnier.

They don't move at all?
-Excuse me?

They don't move at all?

The beginning is a little static.

Paul,

Oh, she's asking
if you want to say something.

It's... the concept.

Concept.
-What? -Concept.

What nonsense.

Sarel. -A t-shirt, please.
-Hurry.

Holy shit!

Let him, let him.
-Vera!

Leave the toilet.

You guys do it,
don't let him help.

Kasha, cigarette.

You can't smoke in here.

He can. It's okay.

Thank you.

Isn't this amazing?

Maybe I won't pay you.

Maybe you should be paying me

for the lessons you get for free
from a master? What do you say?

Anyway, continue from here,
just try not to ruin it, okay?

Hey, I think you're a great director,
it's just a shame

you're sleeping with a woman
half your age.

I think it's disgusting,
but the ideas are great, really, you're...

a shitty person.

Let her go already,
let her live.

Are we done?

Take a break.

And...

do... do whatever you want.
I don't care.

What's up?

I'm fine, how are you?

Why did you have to do that?

Why humiliate him?
He upgraded our play.

What do you want?

Do you have anything
in particular to say?

No.
-Fine.

Where are you going?

To buy some food and get back to work.
I have to change loads of things.

Okay, I'll stay with you.
-No thanks.

It's my job,
I'm the director.

If you're the director,
you're the director.

Are you no longer interested
in the production?

Are you done?

Why do you say that?

I don't know.

You're all giggly... with Ofer.

Are you...

Are you with him?
Are you dating Ofer?

Yes. -Seriously?
-Seriously.

What's the problem?

What's the problem with me
being with Ofer? -Sorry.

What's so funny?
-Nothing.

No, no, nothing, it's cool.

Watch out for STDs.

He does not believe
in the theater.

He used to laugh at me.

He used to laugh
at my dreams,

so that little by little
I became down-hearted.

I could not control my voice.

I didn't know how
to stand on stage,

I never knew
what to do with my hands

You cannot imagine the state of mind
of one who knows

as he goes through a play
how terribly badly he is acting.

Again.

I am so tired.

If I could only rest.

Rest a little.

Rest.

I am a sea-gull.

No, no, now I am a real actress.

He does not believe in the theater,
he used to laugh at me,

at my dreams,

I became down-hearted.

I could not control my voice.

I never knew
what to do with my hands.

Can you imagine?
Being on stage,

Knowing in your heart
that your acting is terrible?

Dear guests, Maya and Reut's
wedding ceremony is about to begin.

Please, come up to the canopy.

Buddha, switch sides with me.

What?

I want to switch sides.
-Okay.

One moment, please.

The parents have to switch sides, too.

This is my good side.

You're the most beautiful woman,
body and soul,

and every day is a wonder with you,
making you happy is my goal.

I'm grateful for you,
for our families,

for the skies above,

and for Shiri who helped us fall in love

I love you, Buddha,
really, for life.

So lets have tons of kids,
now you're my wife.

Lovely.

Wow, I'm so excited,
I didn't think I'd be this excited,

I'm used to standing
before an audience.

Full disclosure,

I wrote my vows before I knew
you were going to propose.

Which means I'm totally pathetic,

but it also means that
I really do want to marry you

and that I didn't say yes
just because you proposed.

So the answer to your question
which you have not yet asked is yes.

I'd love to marry you.

Although
getting married is sheer chutzpah, right?

Why should we stand here like two idiots
dressed up like bride and groom

and pretend that everything's
super easy, while we both know

and everyone standing around
the canopy knows

how hard it is to succeed as a couple

and that this beautiful canopy
is only the beginning of our journey

that no one knows
where and how it'll end.

Wow, I'm becoming convinced
that I shouldn't marry you.

But nevertheless,
I close my eyes

and go to a tiny, pure place
in my heart

that was fortunate enough to meet
the pure place in your heart

and they're sitting on the couch
in one of the heart's chambers,

probably in front of the TV.

Devoid of any cynicism and defenses,

asking to believe that this time
things will turn out well. Period.

Some people may call me foolish,
but I'm going for it.

You're amazing.

Break the glass.

Cheers.
-Cheers.

How's it going?

Fine.

Listen, buddy, I can't handle
the elephant in the room.

No, there's no elephant in the room.
-You know there is.

No, really.

She's not an elephant
and it's all good.

Really, she's a big girl,

she can do whatever she wants.
-No, I know,

of course, it's not...

I just want you
to hear it from me.

Man to man,
I want to tell you,

if it didn't mean anything,
I wouldn't do it.

Okay.
-And you know,

you left her.
You told us.

I don't know.
Yes, I guess.

If she had left you
and you were heartbroken and all,

I wouldn't have.

Cool.

It was unexpected.

I'm still shocked that it's happening.

No, she's...
-She's so amazing.

Iris, yes.

But you're my director, too.
-It's fine.

Fine.

I just don't like keeping
stuff like this bottled up inside.

I didn't even realize
I was into her

until we were sitting at that play

and she says to me...

that nutcase says
that she likes to kiss,

that she met some idiot
on Tinder and they...

I don't think I need all the...
-They kissed and it...

it pissed me off!

I thought,
damn, that pissed me off!

Then I realized
I was in love with her.

Okay.
-Wait, listen, it's not...

I want to tell you something
that's important.

I know, she means a lot to you,
you were together for many years.

You mean
a lot to me too, really...

I just wanted to tell you that...

Don't worry,
she's in good hands.

I'm not worried.

Again.

Yuvi!

You're the love of my life,
the love of my life.

You're THE man!
Get him some water.

No, no, no, listen.

I love you, bro.

You're the love of my life.

You're in my heart.

You're my brother.

I love you.
-Love you, man.

C'mon.

Raise your hands high!

Congrats!

How did it go?

Vera, I just want to say that...

I have lots of new ideas and...

I'll be making a lot of changes.

Based on what he suggested,
of course, but...

Why shawarma, sushi and ravioli
all together? Why?

Listen, opening night is next week,

so you're almost out of time.

so if next time I come to see a run
and it's no good, I'll have you replaced

and you'll be out the frickin' door.

Bon appetit.

What is this?

Look at this.

Look at this.

What are you doing,
are you crazy?

She was just helping me
with something.

What was she helping you with?
-What?

Iris, don't tell Vera.

Yeah, it's nothing,
it's not...

It's nothing, it's nothing.

I don't understand what's going on.
-You're nothing. -Yeah.

Oh no...

I don't understand,

I don't understand anything.
-Nothing, I was here...

puking my guts out,
so she...

No, like... already?

Wait one second.

Yesterday you told me
you're in love with me 700 times.

So wait...
-I am in love with you,

you think I was lying?
-Listen,

something is wrong with you.
-What do you mean, wrong?

I'm telling you...
-Something's wrong.

I was puking my guts out.

Instead of helping me...
-No,

something is wrong with you.
-Instead of being sensitive...

Iris!

Come here.

Let me go.

It was nothing, Iris.

Thank you.

For what?

For being so brave.

And for putting
that mistake behind us.

Bravo.

You...

helped me realize
how much I love him.

Thank you.

I can't stop thinking about you.
-What?

I can't stop thinking about you.

They're so gross,
they're polluting the dance-floor.

People are leaving
because of them.

No thanks.
-Yes, please.

Thank you.

Enjoy.

Just kidding, just kidding,
just kidding.