Stage Crush (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Episode 5 - full transcript

Buddha, we might have
to postpone the wedding,

depends on rehearsals.

It's the role of a lifetime.

Okay, shut up already.
-What?

You didn't stop talking

and only about yourself.
-Yuvi, dude...

I couldn't care less about Nina

Reut, how 'bout you?
-The play was amazing.

Cut the bull.

I'm a huge fan.

He doesn't speak English...



There's nobody inside.
-Yes.

No! No!

You're not ready
for a dramatic lead role.

An actor that doesn't truly
live life, take risks and gets dirty

is a dead actor.

Did you fall asleep?
-I'm not 80 years old.

Do I look like I fell asleep?
-You don't look like it,

you did.

Sorry for disturbing you,
go back to sleep.

Did you send me a dick pic?

It's yours?
-This is so embarrassing.

Hi.

Hi.

What are you doing in town?



I come here sometimes.

Does Reut know you're here?

Yeah, we just had a beer together.
-Oh yeah?

He didn't tell me.

Why should he tell you?
What are you, his mother?

No, you...

know so much
about relationships.

Ever thought of being
a couples therapist?

Ever thought of being
a psychologist?

You're such a good listener.

What do you want from me?

Absolutely nothing.
-What's eating at you?

Are you jealous that Reut is better-looking
and more successful than you?

Jealous?

I feel sorry that a handsome,
good-hearted man like him

is gonna end up
with a girl like you.

You were a virgin for many years,
weren't you?

It was hard for you
to find girls in...

that stupid village of yours.
-Town.

We live in a town, okay, numbskull?

I understand that you want me
and are beside yourself.

I'm about to tell you something,

so hold on to the shelves
so you don't pass out.

Ready?
-Yeah..

I don't think you're pretty.

You just aren't.

And the more
you think you're pretty,

the less pretty you become.

I really can't stand you.

I'd rather get hemorrhoids
in my asshole than touch you.

You think you're impressing me
with your filthy mouth?

I eat men like you for breakfast.
-Oh yeah?

Then eat me.
-You wish!

Oh yeah?
You wish. Eat me.

You wish!
-You wish!

You wish!
-You wish...

What was that?

Did you accidentally pee?

Oh my god, you're so cute.

Goodbye.

It seems that we
are leaving here today.

We shall probably never see
each other again.

I seldom meet

a young and pretty girl now.

I should like
to change places with you...

No, no, no!

Turn the lights on!

This is ugly.

Middle stage is empty.
-Kasha,

there are two more actors
that are dancing in the middle.

What?
-But he sent them home.

What, what?

You have more people there.
-Then where are they?

You sent them home.
-Kasha,

please help me,

help me, go up and dance.

Go up and dance. Please.

Okay.

Here, the couch-director
can help us out.

Okay, come.

Come, come, come.

Me?
-I need someone to dance with.

Please. -Come. Thank you.
Thank you very much, come.

Music.

Lights.

Okay, so what we do?
-Dance.

Goodbye. It seems that we
are leaving here today.

We shall probably never see
each other again.

I seldom meet
a young and pretty girl now.

I should like to change places with you,
if but for an hour.

All this big production just so you
can ask me out for a beer?

Yeah.
-Wow.

Hi.
-Hi. -Hi.

I...

want remind you.
-Yes?

That me.

I want remind you that me.
-Okay.

Okay. -I understand,
I didn't forget about you.

Oh, good.

So tonight

do you want to have
a beer or...

Oh no, I changed my mind.

Already?
-Yes, I thought maybe tonight

instead of going out,
we can go to

your place.

To my place?
-Yes.

I would invite you
to my place and cook for you,

but Groshovsky and I,
we live in the same apartment, so...

No, no, sure, sure, yes.

No...

Just don't expect anything special.
-No, it's okay.

That's fine.
-And also I don't have any food,

so maybe a restaurant?
-You're funny.

What? -No, it's just,
a girl asks to come to your place,

what didn't you get?

I get.
-You get? You sure? -I get.

I get. -Okay , call me.
-Okay. -Okay.

Do the Hebrew again?
-Wait, I need to... Okay.

I want remind...
-To remind.

To remind...

You. -You. -Me.
-Okay. -Okay.

So I see you later.
-Good.

Good morning.
How are you?

Good.
-Before we go in,

scene six is...

it's not working, it's still...

missing an edge.

Yeah?
-Yeah. It's...

It's good after you rewrote it,
but...

it's missing an edge.

Yeah? -Yeah, we can work on it
afterwards if you want.

No.

I'll find an edge.

Just a little... edge.
-Gotcha.

Here you go. Make me look good
on the dancefloor, okay?

Thanks.

You guys are gorgeous.

Thanks. Um, Iris,
these pajamas are very ugly,

could you ask Tomer
to change it?

No, he loves those pajamas,

it's his "concept."

Great, another director
with a "concept"...

Want me to talk to him?

I'll change his mind
in a flash.

Maya.

You're really going for it, huh, Maya?

Totally.
He's it, he's the one.

Oh, I don't get an invitation?

Maya, how many times
do I have to say I'm sorry?

I'm sorry for calling you
a model, I'm sorry.

Great, the costumes are here.

Let me see you.

You guys are so cute.
I love it. What do you think? -Wow.

How does it feel?
Is it okay?

The waistband is too tight.
-Sarel, ask Olga

to fix his waistband.
Maya?

It's great.
-Good.

Okay, let's get to work.

I'm sorry.
-Thanks, Iris.

Start feeling the clothes,
work with them.

Where did we leave off yesterday?
-Scene six.

But Tomer,
do you feel like trying

a new scene that I wrote?

Oh.

If you want to.
-Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Great.

I sent it to you guys.
-Oh, you did? -Yeah.

So get your phones out.
-Did you email it? -Yeah.

Okay.

I'll read the stage directions.
-Great. -Okay.

"He is sitting on the edge of the bed,
looking troubled,

"she wakes up, confused,
and then realizes."

I'm sorry, Tzutz, I'm sorry.

What a disgusting feeling.
Like fucking a corpse.

Why did you keep going
if you saw I was sleeping?

I didn't notice you were sleeping.

Oh my god,
she fell asleep while they were fucking.

Come on...

I didn't notice you were sleeping.

I didn't notice we were fucking.

"Silence."

Didn't it seem odd
that I was silent?

I thought you were concentrating.

When did you realize?

When I saw you drooling

I started to piece it together.

Oh my god...

Iris, this is a scene I want to do.

Good. Keep going.

I don't see what's so funny.

Admit that it's a little funny.
-It's not funny, it's insulting.

How could you not wake up?
-I must be really tired.

Tired? It's 9 pm.

Then let's try again, Tzutz.

No! No!

How could you fall asleep?
-Honestly?

Yes.
-I was bored.

Excuse me?

I was bored, Tzutz, bored.

Oh, I see,
so you want me to ask you

trivia questions while we're having sex?
-Okay, thanks.

Wait, we're not done.

I'm not too crazy about it.

Seriously?
-It's awesome.

Look at the boss,
we need to call an ambulance.

I think it's very crude.

It's not refined,
there's no subtext,

it's primitive,
it's like a comedy skit.

Sorry, but it's a comedy skit.

But with an edge.

Okay, I don't...

It's not credible either.

Oh, it isn't?
-No, it isn't.

The audience wouldn't believe
it actually happened to someone.

But it's funny.

Not to everyone.

How can I direct an actress
to do that?

She fell asleep in the middle?
What is she, narcoleptic?

She was bored,
he doesn't know how to touch her.

Fine.

I can't work like this,
on the spot,

suddenly changing the scene,
so we'll see...

Okay.

Olga says now is a good time.

Yes, yes, yes.
-Is it that urgent?

Yes, she and Alex are leaving soon.

Tomer, it's killing me
and I can't...

Come on, Ofer, let's go.
-It's driving me nuts.

I'm just making a call.

One minute with my mom.

Groshovsky's assistant,
what's her name, Masha?

Groshovsky's assistant?
I think it's Kasha.

Kasha, that's right.

Go out with her.
-Listen, I don't feel like...

No, no, I know, I know,

but I'm telling you,
go out with her. -Fine.

She's your woman.

Don't tell me what to do, okay?
-No, really,

she's...

Fine.
-She's so right for you.

I bet she has the wingspan of...

What wingspan?
-A vulture.

Wingspan, what nonsense...

You don't even know her,
why are you...

She'll take you
around the world

you'll work
with Groshovsky

and you'll see theater, talk theater...
-I got it.

And you'll do theater...
-I got it. Hey.

When did you write this?
-What?

When did you write this scene?
The night it happened?

A minute after I left?
-No, I threw up after you left.

I wrote it.
Does it matter when?

Don't pull these tricks on me, okay?

I'm not pulling any tricks on you.
-Oh yeah?

So you got bored?

Let's say the sex

wasn't the reason
I fell in love with you.

Tomer.

Tomer.

Tomer.

I'm sorry for laughing before,

sometimes laughter is the way
I react to stress.

It was unprofessional.
-It's okay.

Olga said he'll be back in a jiffy.

I'll be back
in a few minutes, okay?

Too tight?

Yeah, it's still too tight.

It's not too tight,
you could fit a chicken in here.

Hi.
-It's too tight.

Don't worry, they'll fix it for you.

Listen, Ofer,

can you help me...

can you help me get into...

Tinder?
-Tinder?

What do you need Tinder for?
-I just do.

And I heard it's all dick-pics there,

so I thought I'd ask the expert.

You deleted that picture, right?

No, I had it blown up into a poster
and hung it over my bed.

Of course I deleted it.
-What style...

But will you help me out?

Look at this.

Check out this style.

I love this stuff.

It's a period piece.

Mark my word,

if I go outside wearing this,

I'll bring it back into fashion.

If anyone could bring that thing
back into fashion

it's you, definitely.
-I'm not kidding.

But can you help me, Ofer,
with the...

what I asked you?

It's embarrassing, yes or no?

What do you need Tinder for?

It's Sodom and Gomorrah!

Why are you yelling?
-You'll meet a nice guy

that's your type...
-I don't have a type,

Who am I supposed to go out with?
You? -Fine.

At least if you're joining,
it'll be under

professional supervision.
-Okay.

Look, I managed to download it.

Good for you!

You should change careers to tech.
-Fine.

There's just one thing
I don't understand, okay?

You go like this,

what if there's
someone who loves me?

Where does he write to me?
-No, no one here...

"loves you," okay?
-Okay.

There's a picture of a guy here
in the middle. -Yeah?

If you feel like

lying on him,
you swipe to the right,

if you don't, swipe to the left.
-Okay,

wait, wait.
-Why "wait, wait"?

No, no, no, it's simple, don't stress out.
-Okay.

Now what happens if...
-Yeah?

Let's say I want someone,

but he wants me at the same time.
Where does it say that?

If that happens, a messenger
will show up at your door

from Tinder International

with trumpets and a bouquet,
and they throw you a party too.

Okay.
Where does it say that?

I didn't see.
-They'll notify you, you'll know.

All right.
-Okay. Not him, not him, ew...

Why not him?
-Seriously?

As soon as he'd start talking,

you'd fall asleep.

Although you can fall asleep
in all kinds of situations.

You think that's me in the scene?
-No.

You really think so?

No, it's not you.
-You think it's a documentary?

It's all from inspiration.
You're Shakespeare. -Okay.

Stand here for a sec,
I'll take your picture.

Just take it like this, I'm natural.
-Seriously, natural?

Take that ridiculous thing off.

Take that pencil out.

Let your hair down...

Well?

Well?
-I love curls.

Wait, this right here.

Wait, it's nice when it's like this.
-Stop it.

And a little...

Wait.

Put on something.

Let's find something cool.

This?

That's awesome.
-Yeah?

This is me.
-I woke up

and just threw this on.
-Yes, this is me.

Put that hat on.

Oh, yes. -You have to.
-Won't work without the hat.

Nice.
Lift it up a little.

Just a little.
-That's the problem?

Your phone's ringing.

Mom, I need the house
to myself tonight.

What don't you understand?
Can you guys clear out?

Because I...
Because I need you to.

What's the big deal?

Fine, never mind.
Okay, okay.

I heard you, thanks, bye.
Seriously...

Can I talk to you for a sec?
Excuse me. -Sure.

Excuse me.

Listen, I...

I need the...

apartment today for a couple hours.

What do you mean?

I...

I want to take a few things,

a few boxes and some other stuff

and I want to do it quietly,
on my own.

Have you found an apartment?
-I think so, yes.

Congratulations.
-Thanks.

I don't want it to be dramatic,
so I'd rather be alone.

It'll be dramatic if I'm there?
-Yes, yes.

It'll provoke all kinds of reactions,

I'm not up for it. Okay?

It's my house too and...

I feel it's my right.

It's still my apartment too
and I pay rent

and there are a few checks that I...
-So now we're talking checks?

Just say that you want the checks.
-I'm just saying

that I deserve to get my things
in peace and quiet.

I need two hours,
I'll move everything out.

No problem.

It's good timing, because

I may not be sleeping at home tonight.

Great.

Because I'm going out.

Good for you.

Is that it? -Yes.
-Thank you.

Did she fix it?
Are you coming back?

I think so.
-Good.

Then go back to rehearsal.
Thanks.

What's wrong? -Get me a date
with him for tonight.

Tinder notified me that he's into me too.
-Really?

Fix me up.
-It's not a good idea.

He doesn't look like...
-Write to him.

For tonight.

Maya.

Okay, come on.

Let's try working
on the scene that Iris wrote.

If you like it, I'm all for it.

Maybe we can get something
out of it that has some... value.

Let's do the text, please.
Maya?

Maya?
-Yeah, sorry.

I'm sorry, Tzutz, I'm sorry.

What a disgusting feeling.
Like fucking a corpse.

Why did you keep going
if you saw I was sleeping?

I didn't notice you were sleeping.

Wait, stop for a second.

I feel like there's some tension
between you two.

Yeah, we...

We had a little fight, but...

I apologized.
-It's not because of that.

Let's try something for a minute.

Put your pages down,

I want to try something.
-Tomer, I'm okay...

No, no, no,

this is a good opportunity,

this play depends on
the dynamics between you, okay?

We keep saying,
"This is a play about a couple."

What's a couple?

It's this, right?

It's someone who can
make you explode in an instant,

someone who can turn you on or off

with one look.

Hm?

Ofer?

Is there love in your life?

It's complicated.

Okay, let's...

Let's go in a different direction.

Okay.

Ofer, who do you love more,

your mom or your dad?

Answer fast.

What?
-Mom or dad?

None of them...
-No, you gotta choose one.

Well?

Mom.
-Okay, I'm your dad.

Ofer, why did you say
you love Mom more than me?

What? -Why did you say
you love Mom more than me, Ofer?

Uh...
-Uh? Why did you say it?

Listen, Tomer, this is too...
-No, what are you afraid of?

Why did you say it?
Don't you love me?

He knows very well why.
-I don't know, I want you to tell me,

why did you say it?
You're ungrateful!

Don't you love me?

Because you're a shitty dad!
-Why am I a shitty dad?

You know very well
why you're a shitty dad!

I don't know why
I'm a shitty dad,

I want you to tell me why.

Because you don't give
a fuck about us!

And you're a stinking liar,
you left Mom without a dime

and you fucked Aunt Rivi
behind her back.

Okay, stop.

Okay, don't continue.

I'm sorry.
-Okay.

That's what I'm talking about, okay?

That's it, no less.
-Wow. -Okay, guys? That's it.

What do you mean,
that's it?

If you get mad at her
for falling asleep during sex

like you're mad at your dad,

then the scene will start working.
-That's intense.

This is only where we start acting.

That was an insane exercise.

Good.

Maya. -No, Tomer.
-Yes.

Do it, it's intense.
-I did it 1,000 times

at acting school, no.
-Hold on, okay,

let's try something else.

Let's just try to direct the scene, okay?
-This is how I direct, okay?

This is how I direct, okay?

Please, all sarcasm aside, okay?

Stand up for a sec.

Face each other.

Maya, look at Ofer, okay?
Breathe,

breathe deeply,
through your mouth.

Okay.

You're getting married soon, right?

So?
-What's your boyfriend's name?

Reut.

Did you say his name is Reut?
-He's from up north. -Okay, Reut.

You look at Ofer
and all you see is Reut.

Now think...

if you think he's beautiful,

try to think about
where you first met,

where your first kiss was,

where he proposed to you.

How did you feel
when he proposed?

What will it be like
to be married to him?

Will it be different?

Or do you already know
everything about him?

Is there something
you never told him?

Okay, text.
Right now. Text.

I'm sorry, Tzutz.

Again.

I'm sorry, Tzutz, I'm sorry.

Enough, Tomer,
I don't like these exercises.

Psshhh...

Did you see that?

That was insane.
-That's it.

What an amazing exercise.

Good. Good.

Great work.

Hey.

Buddha, I love you,
you know that?

Is something wrong?

No, nothing's wrong.

I just want you to know
you're the best boyfriend I could ask for.

Don't freak out.

I'm not, babe.

We just did this exercise
and I'm feeling overwhelmed.

Oh my god, I'm...

I'm so lucky.

Thank you for allowing me to be me.

I wouldn't change anything about you,
you're perfect for me, Buddha.

You're my other half.

Thank you,

thank you for being you.

You're so amazing,

you're God-sent.

See you at home.

Okay, babe. I'll turn on
the water heater for you.

Aren't you afraid
to live in this neighborhood?

I'm afraid of all kinds of things,
but not of this neighborhood.

Then what are you afraid of?

All kinds of things,
I'm afraid of wrinkles,

of old age,

of being stuck.
-Oh.

Boredom.
-That's heavy stuff.

I meant foreign workers
and stuff like that.

Listen, this isn't going to work.

I have to be honest with you.
-Okay, why not?

Because this is
a rebound date for me.

I'm just coming out of a breakup

and I think that I'm

still totally in love with my ex.

Okay.

I don't have a problem with that.
-What do you mean?

I'm not into you either,
so it doesn't offend me.

What I mean is,
I wouldn't fall in love with you.

Is it okay that I said that?
-Of course.

You're the one who started
speaking openly, so I...

Just out of curiosity,

why are you so sure
you wouldn't fall in love with me?

Forget it...
-No, why? I'm interested.

You're not my style.

I don't like your dress.
-My dress?

You call that festive?
-This is vintage, it's a piece.

Looks like it's second-hand.

It is second-hand.

That's what I meant.

Why, you think
you could fall in love with me?

Take a good look,
then decide.

No, I don't think
I could fall in love with you.

There you go.
We're even.

I don't get it, why did you want
to go on this date?

Because I wanted to kiss someone.

I don't get it.
-I wanted to kiss someone.

But you said you just
got out of a relationship.

Yeah, but when was the last time
I kissed him?

A real kiss...

when? About...

four years ago.
And on dates people usually kiss

and I wanted to kiss someone.

Okay.

So that's the reason...
That's the reason.

Okay.

Then let's kiss.

Thanks, but I don't think so.

Listen, Miss Vintage,

I understand I'm not cultured enough
for you

because I don't want to live with
Eritreans and Ethiopians, fine.

But I know how to kiss.

That's great, but I don't think so.

You wanted to go on a date
so you could kiss someone, right?

Then let's kiss.

At least you'll get something
out of it.

Okay, let's do it.

Okay, let's do it.
-Across the table?

No, no, no, I'll...

Um...

Any instructions,
for the kiss?

Not too wet, if possible.
-Of course, of course.

Okay.

I'm traditional, by the way.

You mean, the way you kiss?

No, I come from a traditional family.
-Does that have anything to do with this?

No.
-Oh, just generally... Okay.

That was...

This was good, wasn't it?

Yeah, it was fun.

You have quite a technique there.
-Yeah.

Thanks.

Cheers.

Tomer, it's you and... her,
the one from the theater. -What?

You're a couple?

Oh, no, no, no, it's...
This is from a long, long time ago, we...

It's just, we work together...
-Okay, Tomer, Tomer.

But there's nothing between us now.
-Tomer, Tomer,

I don't care.

Okay. -I don't care.
You can be whoever you want to be.

Okay.
-I just came here to have fun with you,

and then maybe to miss you.
A little bit. -Okay.

You like to miss?

Um-hum.
-Um-hum.

Yeah.
-Yes.

Mom,

can I come sleep over tonight?

I think Tomer's fucking someone
in our apartment.

Thanks.