SpongeBob SquarePants (1999–…): Season 2, Episode 16 - Graveyard Shift/Krusty Love - full transcript
Graveyard Shift: In order to increase profits, Mr. Krabs decides that the Krusty Krab will now be open 24 hours a day. He orders SpongeBob and Squidward to work all night - what's known as the Graveyard Shift. At first SpongeBob is scared so Squidward taunts him by telling a scary tale about the "Hash Slinging Slasher." Soon, their paranoia gets the best of them and they become convinced someone is stalking them, waiting to kill them-it turns out the guy just wanted an application. Krusty Love: Ms. Puff pays a visit to the Krusty Krab and Mr. Krabs is instantly smitten with her. He recruits SpongeBob to help him woo Ms. Puff. SpongeBob tries to play match maker, but he screws it all up and Mr. Krabs threatens his job at every turn. In the end, it turns out she didn't need much wooing, she was into Mr. Krabs the whole time!
All right, we're going
to go to Sandy's house!
I'm going to beat you there!
Keep the tree warm, Sandy!
Oh, it's going to be fun!
We're on our way to your house!
Sandy?
Hey, Sandy,
what's with the sign?
Look, she's on
The Eating Channel.
( crunching )
( gulps )
( drawling ):
Howdy!
( crunching )
If y'all are watching this,
that means I'm asleep
for the winter.
This sleep is called
hibernation.
( crunching and gulping )
During hibernation, animals
don't like to be woken up.
So, do not disturb.
That means you, SpongeBob.
We'd better put these on.
Never mind, Pat.
Sandy said not to come in.
Let's amscray.
( alarm buzzing )
When are you going
to learn, SpongeBob?
"No" means "yes."
Patrick, listen, how many times
do we have to...?
SpongeBob, look at this!
( gasps )
( footsteps crunching in snow )
What is this stuff?
PATRICK:
It's a vast, swirling wonderland
of sparkling white pleasure.
Let it fill your senses
with cascading, fluffy pillows
of excitement and comfort
as you've never felt before.
Wow, Patrick...
( sniffles )
That was beautiful.
What? I was just reading
this candy wrapper, see?
( pop )
( gasps )
Patrick!
Put your helmet back on!
You know there's no water
at Sandy's house!
It's okay, SpongeBob.
This stuff is water! Look!
I guess you're right.
It's okay here.
Take it off.
No one's looking.
( both whoop and cheer )
( both whoop and cheer )
( loud snoring )
SpongeBob, did you hear that?
SPONGEBOB:
l think it came
from up in Sandy's tree.
( snoring continues )
That is one tired tree.
Let's check it out.
( gasps )
Look what's in Sandy's bed!
lt looks like
an overinflated Sandy doll.
I think this thing
is Sandy.
Hibernation must mean
the opposite of beauty sleep.
( snoring )
( muttering )
l've had enough of your
dastardly deeds, Dirty Dan.
I'm gonna get you and your
partner, Pinhead Larry,
or my name ain't
Sheriff Sandy...
( snoring )
She must be dreaming
about Texas outlaws.
( both giggling )
Look out, Sandy.
I'm Dirty Dan.
I'm gonna catch you
and throw you in jail
at taxpayers' expense.
Ooh, you better
run faster, Sandy.
Yeah, I'm getting away!
Run faster!
Hurry, we're getting
in a taxi!
Faster, faster!
( stifling giggles )
I'll get you two.
You're nothing but pure evil!
Just like newspaper comics.
( snoring )
( giggling )
( whispers ):
Come on, Patrick.
We shouldn't
disturb her anymore.
That's not disturbing.
This is disturbing.
( grunts )
Hi, there, SpongeBob.
My name is Patback.
Ha! That is
really disturbing.
( both laughing loudly )
( laughter continues )
( laughing )
Uh, SpongeBob?
Huh?
( growling )
( roars )
( screams )
( screams )
Faster, SpongeBob!
She's gaining on us!
Sandy, no! Stop!
I warned you, Dirty Dan!
Now you just crossed the border
into Hurtville!
Sandy, it's us, your friends...
SpongeBob and Patrick!
Please, Sandy, I can't
afford dry cleaning.
Gonna skin ya and make a pair
of size six... boots.
( snoring )
Fun's over.
Whoo... we sure
don't want to
wake her up again.
Too bad we don't have
any earplugs to put on her.
Yeah, all's I got is
this belly button lint.
All right, Pat!
( muttering ):
I'm gonna rip your arms off
and flapjacks...
( snoring )
Well, that ought to work.
Hey, Sandy, does it work?!
( snoring )
Hey, Sandy, if you can't
hear us, don't say anything!
Hey, Sandy!
Don't wake up!
( both laughing )
See you later, Sheriff Sandy!
( laughing )
( both laughing )
( drawling ):
You're under arrest!
( drawling ):
You'll never catch me!
( laughs )
( laughs )
( boom )
( laughs )
Hey, that's not fair!
Cowboys couldn't afford cannons.
They couldn't afford
station wagons, either.
Nice paneling.
All right, Pinhead.
Your time is up.
Who you calling Pinhead?
I want to be Dirty Dan.
What makes you think
you can be Dirty Dan?
I'm dirty... bleah!
I'd say I'm Dirty Dan.
I'd say I'm Dirty Dan!
Oh!
Guh!
I'd say I'm Dirty Dan!
Oh!
I'm Dirty Dan! Ee!
I'm Dirty Dan! Ow!
I'm Dirty Dan! Ee!
I'm Dirty Dan! Oh!
I'm Dirty Dan! Ee!
I'm Dirty Dan! Oh!
I'm Dirty Dan! Ee!
I'm Dirty Dan! Oh!
I'm Dirty Dan! Ee!
I'm Dirty Dan! Oh!
I'm Dirty Dan!
( screams )
Screaming will get you no...
( growling )
Which one of you fellers
is the real Dirty Dan?!
Uh... I am?
( screaming )
Patrick!
( crash )
Hot wings...
Okay, Pinhead Larry.
Now you get yours!
( screams )
Pinhead...!
( whimpering )
( panting )
( whimpering )
( panting )
( panting and whimpering )
Aah! Whoa...
Whoa-ho-ho!
Now you're gonna pay for
those crimes, Pinhead!
Sandy, stand back.
I'm warning ya!
( ferocious roaring )
Okay, I warned ya!
( grunts )
Did you win?
( grunts )
( gurgling )
Hi, SpongeBob.
( growls, snarls )
( both scream )
( Sandy snoring )
( bell tolls )
Okay, SpongeBob,
you can be Dirty Dan.
I just want to be Patrick.
Let's get out of here
before Sandy wakes up again!
( gasping and panting )
( grunting )
Ouch!
Sorry, Patrick,
but the door is slippery.
It's frozen shut!
Let me have a try.
( spits )
Open, Sesame!
Well, I've done all I can do.
Then we're stuck in here...
until the door thaws...
in spring.
Barnacles!
( chattering )
Is it spring yet?
N-n-no...
l'm so c-c-cold
that I'm shivering.
( cracking )
I-I'm so cold that I can use
my nose drippings
as a pair of chopsticks.
I-I'm so c-cold that...
I'm shivering!
Maybe we should build a fire.
I've got it!
We'll burn the bark
from Sandy's tree.
( Sandy snoring )
You're gonna be
wearing an iron lung
when I'm through
with you, Pinhead.
( whimpers )
The fire's not going
to happen, Patrick.
I don't get it!
How does Sandy survive these
intense conditions every year?
Maybe she just ignores it.
Maybe...
Maybe...
Maybe it's her fur!
( chattering )
BOTH:
Yeah!
( snoring )
Look at all that warm,
toasty fur.
PATRICK:
It's like a gold mine,
but with fur.
Carefully...
Carefully...
Come on, do it!
I'm freezing here!
All right, all right,
hang on a second!
( roaring )
( snoring )
That should be enough, right?
Sponge, I'm a big man.
A big, big man!
Well, I guess I've lived
a full life.
( roars )
( snoring )
This is taking too long!
I want the warm now!
Pat, no!
( roaring )
( sighs )
Pat, are you crazy?
No... I'm warm.
Let me see that roll of tape.
( tape rips fur )
( roaring )
( tape rips fur )
( roaring )
( tape rips fur )
( roaring )
( tape rips fur )
( roaring )
Man, that fur really
hits the spot!
No more frozen armpits.
And this eyebrow/goatee combo
works like a charm.
This the best idea
we've ever had.
You said it!
I'm ready for the longest,
coldest winter ever.
BOTH:
Bring it on!
( birds chirping )
Spring?
( Sandy yawning )
Wow...
Spring already.
PATRICK:
Oh, oh...!
Tartar sauce!
The lock is still frozen!
I sure can't wait to get
outside and warm my fur.
( puffing )
Oh, look, it's SpongeBob
and Patrick.
( Patrick screaming )
Hey, guys!
( screaming )
( screaming )
It's okay, Sandy.
Squirrel pattern baldness
is quite common
in small mammals.
SpongeBob!
Patrick!
Don't worry, Sandy,
we've got you covered.
( chuckles )
SANDY ( chuckling ):
More lemonade, boys?
BOTH:
Thanks, Sandy!
Spring sure is lovely.
to go to Sandy's house!
I'm going to beat you there!
Keep the tree warm, Sandy!
Oh, it's going to be fun!
We're on our way to your house!
Sandy?
Hey, Sandy,
what's with the sign?
Look, she's on
The Eating Channel.
( crunching )
( gulps )
( drawling ):
Howdy!
( crunching )
If y'all are watching this,
that means I'm asleep
for the winter.
This sleep is called
hibernation.
( crunching and gulping )
During hibernation, animals
don't like to be woken up.
So, do not disturb.
That means you, SpongeBob.
We'd better put these on.
Never mind, Pat.
Sandy said not to come in.
Let's amscray.
( alarm buzzing )
When are you going
to learn, SpongeBob?
"No" means "yes."
Patrick, listen, how many times
do we have to...?
SpongeBob, look at this!
( gasps )
( footsteps crunching in snow )
What is this stuff?
PATRICK:
It's a vast, swirling wonderland
of sparkling white pleasure.
Let it fill your senses
with cascading, fluffy pillows
of excitement and comfort
as you've never felt before.
Wow, Patrick...
( sniffles )
That was beautiful.
What? I was just reading
this candy wrapper, see?
( pop )
( gasps )
Patrick!
Put your helmet back on!
You know there's no water
at Sandy's house!
It's okay, SpongeBob.
This stuff is water! Look!
I guess you're right.
It's okay here.
Take it off.
No one's looking.
( both whoop and cheer )
( both whoop and cheer )
( loud snoring )
SpongeBob, did you hear that?
SPONGEBOB:
l think it came
from up in Sandy's tree.
( snoring continues )
That is one tired tree.
Let's check it out.
( gasps )
Look what's in Sandy's bed!
lt looks like
an overinflated Sandy doll.
I think this thing
is Sandy.
Hibernation must mean
the opposite of beauty sleep.
( snoring )
( muttering )
l've had enough of your
dastardly deeds, Dirty Dan.
I'm gonna get you and your
partner, Pinhead Larry,
or my name ain't
Sheriff Sandy...
( snoring )
She must be dreaming
about Texas outlaws.
( both giggling )
Look out, Sandy.
I'm Dirty Dan.
I'm gonna catch you
and throw you in jail
at taxpayers' expense.
Ooh, you better
run faster, Sandy.
Yeah, I'm getting away!
Run faster!
Hurry, we're getting
in a taxi!
Faster, faster!
( stifling giggles )
I'll get you two.
You're nothing but pure evil!
Just like newspaper comics.
( snoring )
( giggling )
( whispers ):
Come on, Patrick.
We shouldn't
disturb her anymore.
That's not disturbing.
This is disturbing.
( grunts )
Hi, there, SpongeBob.
My name is Patback.
Ha! That is
really disturbing.
( both laughing loudly )
( laughter continues )
( laughing )
Uh, SpongeBob?
Huh?
( growling )
( roars )
( screams )
( screams )
Faster, SpongeBob!
She's gaining on us!
Sandy, no! Stop!
I warned you, Dirty Dan!
Now you just crossed the border
into Hurtville!
Sandy, it's us, your friends...
SpongeBob and Patrick!
Please, Sandy, I can't
afford dry cleaning.
Gonna skin ya and make a pair
of size six... boots.
( snoring )
Fun's over.
Whoo... we sure
don't want to
wake her up again.
Too bad we don't have
any earplugs to put on her.
Yeah, all's I got is
this belly button lint.
All right, Pat!
( muttering ):
I'm gonna rip your arms off
and flapjacks...
( snoring )
Well, that ought to work.
Hey, Sandy, does it work?!
( snoring )
Hey, Sandy, if you can't
hear us, don't say anything!
Hey, Sandy!
Don't wake up!
( both laughing )
See you later, Sheriff Sandy!
( laughing )
( both laughing )
( drawling ):
You're under arrest!
( drawling ):
You'll never catch me!
( laughs )
( laughs )
( boom )
( laughs )
Hey, that's not fair!
Cowboys couldn't afford cannons.
They couldn't afford
station wagons, either.
Nice paneling.
All right, Pinhead.
Your time is up.
Who you calling Pinhead?
I want to be Dirty Dan.
What makes you think
you can be Dirty Dan?
I'm dirty... bleah!
I'd say I'm Dirty Dan.
I'd say I'm Dirty Dan!
Oh!
Guh!
I'd say I'm Dirty Dan!
Oh!
I'm Dirty Dan! Ee!
I'm Dirty Dan! Ow!
I'm Dirty Dan! Ee!
I'm Dirty Dan! Oh!
I'm Dirty Dan! Ee!
I'm Dirty Dan! Oh!
I'm Dirty Dan! Ee!
I'm Dirty Dan! Oh!
I'm Dirty Dan! Ee!
I'm Dirty Dan! Oh!
I'm Dirty Dan!
( screams )
Screaming will get you no...
( growling )
Which one of you fellers
is the real Dirty Dan?!
Uh... I am?
( screaming )
Patrick!
( crash )
Hot wings...
Okay, Pinhead Larry.
Now you get yours!
( screams )
Pinhead...!
( whimpering )
( panting )
( whimpering )
( panting )
( panting and whimpering )
Aah! Whoa...
Whoa-ho-ho!
Now you're gonna pay for
those crimes, Pinhead!
Sandy, stand back.
I'm warning ya!
( ferocious roaring )
Okay, I warned ya!
( grunts )
Did you win?
( grunts )
( gurgling )
Hi, SpongeBob.
( growls, snarls )
( both scream )
( Sandy snoring )
( bell tolls )
Okay, SpongeBob,
you can be Dirty Dan.
I just want to be Patrick.
Let's get out of here
before Sandy wakes up again!
( gasping and panting )
( grunting )
Ouch!
Sorry, Patrick,
but the door is slippery.
It's frozen shut!
Let me have a try.
( spits )
Open, Sesame!
Well, I've done all I can do.
Then we're stuck in here...
until the door thaws...
in spring.
Barnacles!
( chattering )
Is it spring yet?
N-n-no...
l'm so c-c-cold
that I'm shivering.
( cracking )
I-I'm so cold that I can use
my nose drippings
as a pair of chopsticks.
I-I'm so c-cold that...
I'm shivering!
Maybe we should build a fire.
I've got it!
We'll burn the bark
from Sandy's tree.
( Sandy snoring )
You're gonna be
wearing an iron lung
when I'm through
with you, Pinhead.
( whimpers )
The fire's not going
to happen, Patrick.
I don't get it!
How does Sandy survive these
intense conditions every year?
Maybe she just ignores it.
Maybe...
Maybe...
Maybe it's her fur!
( chattering )
BOTH:
Yeah!
( snoring )
Look at all that warm,
toasty fur.
PATRICK:
It's like a gold mine,
but with fur.
Carefully...
Carefully...
Come on, do it!
I'm freezing here!
All right, all right,
hang on a second!
( roaring )
( snoring )
That should be enough, right?
Sponge, I'm a big man.
A big, big man!
Well, I guess I've lived
a full life.
( roars )
( snoring )
This is taking too long!
I want the warm now!
Pat, no!
( roaring )
( sighs )
Pat, are you crazy?
No... I'm warm.
Let me see that roll of tape.
( tape rips fur )
( roaring )
( tape rips fur )
( roaring )
( tape rips fur )
( roaring )
( tape rips fur )
( roaring )
Man, that fur really
hits the spot!
No more frozen armpits.
And this eyebrow/goatee combo
works like a charm.
This the best idea
we've ever had.
You said it!
I'm ready for the longest,
coldest winter ever.
BOTH:
Bring it on!
( birds chirping )
Spring?
( Sandy yawning )
Wow...
Spring already.
PATRICK:
Oh, oh...!
Tartar sauce!
The lock is still frozen!
I sure can't wait to get
outside and warm my fur.
( puffing )
Oh, look, it's SpongeBob
and Patrick.
( Patrick screaming )
Hey, guys!
( screaming )
( screaming )
It's okay, Sandy.
Squirrel pattern baldness
is quite common
in small mammals.
SpongeBob!
Patrick!
Don't worry, Sandy,
we've got you covered.
( chuckles )
SANDY ( chuckling ):
More lemonade, boys?
BOTH:
Thanks, Sandy!
Spring sure is lovely.