SpongeBob SquarePants (1999–…): Season 2, Episode 13 - PreHibernation Week/Life of Crime - full transcript
PreNibernation Week: Sandy is going into hibernation in one week and she wants to pack a million activities for her and SpongeBob to do together in that short time. SpongeBob is game and he starts off strong, but he can't keep up with the adrenaline junkie Sandy. He doesn't want to hurt her feelings by telling her "No" so instead he just hides. When Sandy can't find him, she recruits the rest of Bikini Bottom to go on a massive "Sponge-hunt" to find him. In the end, they all get as fed up with Sandy as SpongeBob did and they hide from her, too. Life of Crime: Mr. Krabs tells SpongeBob and Pat that it's okay to borrow things if you plan to return them one day. So SpongeBob and Patrick "borrow" a balloon from the Bargain Mart and they accidentally pop it. They realize that they can't return it, so they are now criminals! Fearing a life in jail for their crime, SpongeBob and Patrick go on the lam.
( playing jazzy melody )
( ding )
( sour note sounding )
( bell dinging )
Order up, Squidward!
( alarm ringing )
( glass squeaking )
Hey, hey, Squidward,
did you see me?
Okay, see you later,
Squidinater.
Good morning,
Mr. Squidward.
So, are you ready?
To go home?
No, to exchange gifts
for employee brotherhood day.
Mr. Krabs, you pay me
to stand behind this register
and take orders and give change
but you could never
pay me enough
to act brotherly toward...
that guy!
Hmm.
( laughs )
That attitude of yours
is precisely why
we're having this
little shenanigan.
Now, pay attention!
The lad's got
a surprise for you.
Squidward, in honor
of employee brotherhood
I present to you a gift...
Ta-dah!
SQUIDWARD:
"I heart you."
Try it on,
Mr. Squidward!
It's got you
written all over it.
I wasn't sure how big
to make the hole for the head
so I used a watermelon for size.
( straining )
Do you love it?
It's a little itchy.
What's this thing made of?
Eyelashes!
( whimpers )
Now, may I resume
my minimum-wage duties?
After you present
your brotherhood gift.
I'll buy the little twerp
a gumball.
Oh, no, no, no, lad;
you know the rules...
you have to make the gift.
The only thing I'm making
is for the exit.
Is this any better,
Squidward?
I made this one with my tears.
( groans )
I knew you'd come around, boy.
Make something nice.
Why can't I just buy something
for the little weirdo?
MAN:
Heave ho!
If you drop one single
slice of me booty
I'll have... your booty!
( straining )
Hi, there.
Those homemade pies
sure look good.
Oh, these aren't homemade.
They were made in a factory...
a bomb factory.
They're bombs.
Oh, well, that's too bad.
I thought they were pies
and I wanted to buy one.
Wait!
We were just kidding
about all that bomb stuff.
That'll be 25 bucks, please.
So, what flavor is it?
Cherry. Apple.
Raspberry.
Well, if it gets
old man Krabs
off my back.
Okay, here it is,
Mr. Krabs,
fresh from the oven.
I'll be returning
to my life now.
Not yet!
I got to make sure
you did it right.
Wait a second...
This would go great
with some milk.
Oop.
( tremendous explosion )
So, you tried to kill me
over a little New-Age
management, eh?
But Mr. Krabs,
I had no idea.
I can explain.
Mr. Krabs, are you okay?
I heard a... wow!
A pie!
It's from Squidward.
"To SpongeBob...
Well, here you go."
And that's what happened.
25 dollars?
A bomb?
BOTH:
In the Krusty Krab?!
That's where you left it.
It's not there.
SPONGEBOB:
Hey, guys.
Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
Thanks for the pie, Squidward.
( singing )
You had to kill him.
The boy cries you
a sweater of tears
and you kill him.
How are you going
to live with yourself?
Kill him?
Here's your order, sir.
Thanks.
( Explosion )
no, no, what we got...
we got to call the hospital.
Won't do any good...
I've seen this before.
When that pie goes up to bat...
I mean, hits his
lower intestine...
Boom!
You've seen this before?!
11 times, as a matter of fact.
( dialing )
Yes, hello,
doctor? Hospital?
It won't do any good?
Eleven times?!
Oh!
Oh, he's a goner.
How do we tell him?
Don't tell him...
that'll only make him
feel worse.
The way I see it,
he's only got till sunset.
Why ruin his last day on earth?
The lad deserves
to enjoy his final hours.
( SpongeBob singing )
You're right, Mr. Krabs!
( sobbing )
l'm going to make
SpongeBob's final hours,
the best he's ever had.
And this time,
there's going to be love...
so much he's going
to drown in it!
Drown in it!
"Note to self:
Watch out for Squidward."
♪ La la la la la la,
la la la... ♪
Uh, SpongeBob?
♪ Yes? ♪
I forgot to tell you
there's a part two to your gift.
"Part two"?
Part two, part two, part two...
Uh, please don't do that.
What's for part two?
Well, what's the most fun thing
you can think of?
Actually, I keep a list
of the most fun things
I like to do.
I call it my
"friendship list."
Great...
Uh, let me see it.
The things that are extra fun
I've written in red.
Everything's in red.
Yeah, I know.
We'd better start now
if want to get through this list
before you die...
of anticipation.
Then let's roll!
Bye, Mr. Krabs.
( crying )
Heads up, Squidward...
looks like they're
going to replace you.
Yeah.
Uh, now let's have
a look at that list.
Well, the first thing
I want to do
is show my best friend,
Squidward
to everybody in town.
Hi there, this is
my best friend, Squidward.
Hey, kids, check it out:
This is my best friend,
Squidward.
Hi, I want to show you
my best friend, Squidward.
Hey, Frank.
Glad that's over.
Good, 'cause we're on
to our next activity.
Which is...?
I'm going to show
my best friend, Squidward
to everyone in town
wearing a salmon suit.
You're going to be
wearing a salmon suit?
( laughs )
That's a good one, Squidward!
Next!
Knock-knock jokes.
Hey, Squid, knock-knock.
Who's there?
I am!
( laughing )
( pretends to laugh )
Oh, yeah...
( beeping )
Look out, everyone,
friends in reverse!
( beeping )
BOTH:
Oo...
Turn left, and... stop.
See, that's what
it would be like
if you had me for a face.
I can't breathe.
Are you sure you should be
poking it like that?
Who's the doctor here?
( SpongeBob exclaiming )
the last thing on the list is...
does it involve
more dismemberment?
"Watch the sunset
with Squidward"
"Sunset"?
The way I see it,
the lad's got
until sunset
before that bomb hits
his lower intestine.
Hey, it's Mr. Krabs.
Hi, Mr. Krabs.
( weeping )
Okay, see you later.
Come on, buddy...
you want a sunset,
you'll get a sunset.
SPONGEBOB:
Ah... underwater sunsets
sure are beautiful
eh, Squidward?
Yeah.
Yeah, this is great
just the three of us...
you, me
and this brick wall
you built between us.
Yeah...
sunsets remind me
of bowls of fruit.
What do they make you think of,
Squidward?
( laughing )
( exploding )
explosions.
I mean, erosion.
You know, if I
were to die right now
in some sort of fiery explosion
due to the carelessness
of a friend,
well, that would just be okay.
( whimpering )
( SpongeBob belches )
Wow, if feels like something
just dropped
into my lower intestine.
( sniffs )
Hey, smells like cherry.
Or maybe grape.
Blueberry?
Here it is, the sunset!
I always love to count it down.
Five!
You do the rest, buddy!
Uh, four...
three...
t-two...
one!
I guess we started too early.
Let's start again.
Five, four, three...
( explosion )
two...
( sobbing ):
One...
Well, at least I was able
to make his last few hours
meaningful.
I am such a good person.
( explosion )
Hey, Squidward, check this out.
( blathering )
Squidward, we already played
"Babble Like an Idiot."
Why are you still here?!
Since we finished everything on
the list, I made a new one.
I already filled up
this book with ideas.
We should be able
to finish by January.
Forget the book!
I spent the whole day with you
doing all kinds
of ridiculous things
because you
were supposed to explode!
You want me to explode?
Yes! That's what
I've been waiting for!
Um... okay, I'll try.
( straining )
Gary! You are going
to finish your dessert
and you are going to like it!
( laughs )
Now, it's your turn.
That's not what I meant,
you barnacle head!
Oo, good one.
No, you're supposed to explode
into a million pieces.
Why would I do that?
Because the pie you ate
was a bomb!
What pie?
The one I left
on the counter this morning
that I bought from pirates
for 25 bucks, and I
didn't know was a bomb
and you ate it, that pie!
Pie?
Oh, you mean this pie.
I was saving it in my pocket
for us to share.
Let's eat.
Oops.
( tremendous explosion )
SQUIDWARD:
Ouch...
( ding )
( sour note sounding )
( bell dinging )
Order up, Squidward!
( alarm ringing )
( glass squeaking )
Hey, hey, Squidward,
did you see me?
Okay, see you later,
Squidinater.
Good morning,
Mr. Squidward.
So, are you ready?
To go home?
No, to exchange gifts
for employee brotherhood day.
Mr. Krabs, you pay me
to stand behind this register
and take orders and give change
but you could never
pay me enough
to act brotherly toward...
that guy!
Hmm.
( laughs )
That attitude of yours
is precisely why
we're having this
little shenanigan.
Now, pay attention!
The lad's got
a surprise for you.
Squidward, in honor
of employee brotherhood
I present to you a gift...
Ta-dah!
SQUIDWARD:
"I heart you."
Try it on,
Mr. Squidward!
It's got you
written all over it.
I wasn't sure how big
to make the hole for the head
so I used a watermelon for size.
( straining )
Do you love it?
It's a little itchy.
What's this thing made of?
Eyelashes!
( whimpers )
Now, may I resume
my minimum-wage duties?
After you present
your brotherhood gift.
I'll buy the little twerp
a gumball.
Oh, no, no, no, lad;
you know the rules...
you have to make the gift.
The only thing I'm making
is for the exit.
Is this any better,
Squidward?
I made this one with my tears.
( groans )
I knew you'd come around, boy.
Make something nice.
Why can't I just buy something
for the little weirdo?
MAN:
Heave ho!
If you drop one single
slice of me booty
I'll have... your booty!
( straining )
Hi, there.
Those homemade pies
sure look good.
Oh, these aren't homemade.
They were made in a factory...
a bomb factory.
They're bombs.
Oh, well, that's too bad.
I thought they were pies
and I wanted to buy one.
Wait!
We were just kidding
about all that bomb stuff.
That'll be 25 bucks, please.
So, what flavor is it?
Cherry. Apple.
Raspberry.
Well, if it gets
old man Krabs
off my back.
Okay, here it is,
Mr. Krabs,
fresh from the oven.
I'll be returning
to my life now.
Not yet!
I got to make sure
you did it right.
Wait a second...
This would go great
with some milk.
Oop.
( tremendous explosion )
So, you tried to kill me
over a little New-Age
management, eh?
But Mr. Krabs,
I had no idea.
I can explain.
Mr. Krabs, are you okay?
I heard a... wow!
A pie!
It's from Squidward.
"To SpongeBob...
Well, here you go."
And that's what happened.
25 dollars?
A bomb?
BOTH:
In the Krusty Krab?!
That's where you left it.
It's not there.
SPONGEBOB:
Hey, guys.
Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
Thanks for the pie, Squidward.
( singing )
You had to kill him.
The boy cries you
a sweater of tears
and you kill him.
How are you going
to live with yourself?
Kill him?
Here's your order, sir.
Thanks.
( Explosion )
no, no, what we got...
we got to call the hospital.
Won't do any good...
I've seen this before.
When that pie goes up to bat...
I mean, hits his
lower intestine...
Boom!
You've seen this before?!
11 times, as a matter of fact.
( dialing )
Yes, hello,
doctor? Hospital?
It won't do any good?
Eleven times?!
Oh!
Oh, he's a goner.
How do we tell him?
Don't tell him...
that'll only make him
feel worse.
The way I see it,
he's only got till sunset.
Why ruin his last day on earth?
The lad deserves
to enjoy his final hours.
( SpongeBob singing )
You're right, Mr. Krabs!
( sobbing )
l'm going to make
SpongeBob's final hours,
the best he's ever had.
And this time,
there's going to be love...
so much he's going
to drown in it!
Drown in it!
"Note to self:
Watch out for Squidward."
♪ La la la la la la,
la la la... ♪
Uh, SpongeBob?
♪ Yes? ♪
I forgot to tell you
there's a part two to your gift.
"Part two"?
Part two, part two, part two...
Uh, please don't do that.
What's for part two?
Well, what's the most fun thing
you can think of?
Actually, I keep a list
of the most fun things
I like to do.
I call it my
"friendship list."
Great...
Uh, let me see it.
The things that are extra fun
I've written in red.
Everything's in red.
Yeah, I know.
We'd better start now
if want to get through this list
before you die...
of anticipation.
Then let's roll!
Bye, Mr. Krabs.
( crying )
Heads up, Squidward...
looks like they're
going to replace you.
Yeah.
Uh, now let's have
a look at that list.
Well, the first thing
I want to do
is show my best friend,
Squidward
to everybody in town.
Hi there, this is
my best friend, Squidward.
Hey, kids, check it out:
This is my best friend,
Squidward.
Hi, I want to show you
my best friend, Squidward.
Hey, Frank.
Glad that's over.
Good, 'cause we're on
to our next activity.
Which is...?
I'm going to show
my best friend, Squidward
to everyone in town
wearing a salmon suit.
You're going to be
wearing a salmon suit?
( laughs )
That's a good one, Squidward!
Next!
Knock-knock jokes.
Hey, Squid, knock-knock.
Who's there?
I am!
( laughing )
( pretends to laugh )
Oh, yeah...
( beeping )
Look out, everyone,
friends in reverse!
( beeping )
BOTH:
Oo...
Turn left, and... stop.
See, that's what
it would be like
if you had me for a face.
I can't breathe.
Are you sure you should be
poking it like that?
Who's the doctor here?
( SpongeBob exclaiming )
the last thing on the list is...
does it involve
more dismemberment?
"Watch the sunset
with Squidward"
"Sunset"?
The way I see it,
the lad's got
until sunset
before that bomb hits
his lower intestine.
Hey, it's Mr. Krabs.
Hi, Mr. Krabs.
( weeping )
Okay, see you later.
Come on, buddy...
you want a sunset,
you'll get a sunset.
SPONGEBOB:
Ah... underwater sunsets
sure are beautiful
eh, Squidward?
Yeah.
Yeah, this is great
just the three of us...
you, me
and this brick wall
you built between us.
Yeah...
sunsets remind me
of bowls of fruit.
What do they make you think of,
Squidward?
( laughing )
( exploding )
explosions.
I mean, erosion.
You know, if I
were to die right now
in some sort of fiery explosion
due to the carelessness
of a friend,
well, that would just be okay.
( whimpering )
( SpongeBob belches )
Wow, if feels like something
just dropped
into my lower intestine.
( sniffs )
Hey, smells like cherry.
Or maybe grape.
Blueberry?
Here it is, the sunset!
I always love to count it down.
Five!
You do the rest, buddy!
Uh, four...
three...
t-two...
one!
I guess we started too early.
Let's start again.
Five, four, three...
( explosion )
two...
( sobbing ):
One...
Well, at least I was able
to make his last few hours
meaningful.
I am such a good person.
( explosion )
Hey, Squidward, check this out.
( blathering )
Squidward, we already played
"Babble Like an Idiot."
Why are you still here?!
Since we finished everything on
the list, I made a new one.
I already filled up
this book with ideas.
We should be able
to finish by January.
Forget the book!
I spent the whole day with you
doing all kinds
of ridiculous things
because you
were supposed to explode!
You want me to explode?
Yes! That's what
I've been waiting for!
Um... okay, I'll try.
( straining )
Gary! You are going
to finish your dessert
and you are going to like it!
( laughs )
Now, it's your turn.
That's not what I meant,
you barnacle head!
Oo, good one.
No, you're supposed to explode
into a million pieces.
Why would I do that?
Because the pie you ate
was a bomb!
What pie?
The one I left
on the counter this morning
that I bought from pirates
for 25 bucks, and I
didn't know was a bomb
and you ate it, that pie!
Pie?
Oh, you mean this pie.
I was saving it in my pocket
for us to share.
Let's eat.
Oops.
( tremendous explosion )
SQUIDWARD:
Ouch...