SpongeBob SquarePants (1999–…): Season 2, Episode 12 - Pressure/The Smoking Peanut - full transcript
Pressure: Sandy and SpongeBob get into a fierce competition doing extreme underwater sports. The longer they compete, the more people they attract and soon SpongeBob has a small following who cheer him on as their underwater mascot and poo poo Sandy because she is a "land lubber." The score is even until Sandy loses because her underwater suit can't handle the pressure from the great depths of the sea. SpongeBob and his cronies brag and Sandy challenges them to go to the surface and see how they do. Scared out of their minds, they go to the surface and get chased by a seagull. In the end, Sandy saves them just barely in time. The Smoking Peanut: SpongeBob and Patrick visit the zoo and SpongeBob innocently tosses a peanut at a oyster in order to rouse it. The oyster goes crazy and suddenly the authorities demand to know what could have caused this. SpongeBob panics and denies that he knows anything about it. The dismayed oyster continues to cry, disturbing all of Bikini Bottom and everyone, including Patrick, becomes obsessed with making sure whoever tossed that peanut is punished. SpongeBob digs himself a deeper and deeper hole by refusing to come clean. Finally, the police tell him they have found their man and they haul Patrick off claiming he was the only one there at the scene of the crime. SpongeBob can't let Patrick take the rap for something he did even though Patrick is now completely convinced that he, indeed, did it. In the end, SpongeBob comes clean.
( panting )
Patrick, look, I
got my... ( gasps )
( laughs )
I'm sorry, Patrick.
lt's just,
for a second I thought...
Hey, you got the same
reef-blower as me!
( whirs loudly )
Tag, you're it!
( laughs )
( loud whirring, both laughing )
( laughs )
( whirring )
( laughs )
( laughs )
( whirring )
Patrick...
you made my house sparkly clean!
Sure did!
We haven't improved
Squidward's day yet.
Let's do his house!
( whirring )
( creaking )
( laughs )
My turn!
( whirring )
What's going on out here?!
We're playing
with our new reef-blowers.
Playing with a reef-blower?
That is the most childish thing
l've ever heard of!
But it's fun!
Fun? How could playing
with one of those oversized
hair dryers possibly be fun?
PATRICK:
Like this.
( whirring )
( grunting )
Chafed!
All right, that's...
( whirring )
Let's do your house, Patrick.
Yeah!
Huh?
( panting, sizzling )
SPONGEBOB:
Squidward,
you're steaming!
You're like a steamed
vegetable, only smarter.
Put my windows back!
No problem, Squidward.
We're on your side.
( whirring )
Any second now...
SpongeBob...
this is the final straw.
I am going to move so far away
that I will be able
to brag about it.
I would...
( clunk )
I would rather
tear out my brain stem
carry it into the middle
of the nearest
four-way intersection
and skip rope with it
than go on living
where I do now.
Hi there.
Is this the final straw?
Do you want to move so far away
that you can brag about it?
Would you rather
tear out your brain stem
walk out into the middle
of the nearest three-way...
Four-way...
Four-way intersection
and skip rope with it
than continue living
where you do now?
Then move to...
( static )
I hate this channel.
No, no!
...Tentacle Acres.
Where happiness is
just a suction cup away.
( pop )
Hello?
Yes, can I help you?
I'm here about the happiness.
I'll be moving in now.
Are you alone?
No... I mean, yes,
there's nobody with me, yes.
Peace and quiet.
Are you now or have you
ever been a sponge?
No.
What about a...
No, no starfish.
Just a regular, normal,
peace-loving...
( loud rumbling )
( doors creaking )
( kids laughing )
Heaven at last...
BOTH:
Ohh!
I've seen more alert people
in a retirement home!
Oh, which way to the Living
Without a Brain seminar?
Don't be late!
I've heard better comebacks
from a turkey sandwich!
Get a life!
This place is better
than I expected!
302... 303... and 304.
Beautiful!
And not a pineapple in sight.
Good night, Clary.
Tomorrow we begin life anew.
( phone ringing )
304 New Life Street,
Squidward speaking.
( SpongeBob babbling )
There is no way I am moving
back there, SpongeBob!
I am finally among my own kind.
( SpongeBob babbling )
Now good-bye!
( babbling )
( babbling )
( rooster crows )
( inhales deeply )
Ahh...
I think I'll take my bike today.
( creaking... )
I'm my own man.
( clunk )
Now, these neighbors
know how to live.
Intensive...!
Hmm... I bet they won't have...
( gasps )
Wow! They have it!
Canned bread!
This town is great!
l would really be
impressed if it had...
an interpretive dance academy!
( music playing )
Yeah... it's even better
in a group!
This town is perfect!
( clarinets playing )
A clarinet trio?!
( all playing... )
( rooster crows )
( inhales deeply )
Ahh... another great day!
Oh, look.
Everybody's on their bike today.
It just gets better and better.
All together.
( all playing )
l sort of... don't feel
like playing my clarinet today.
Yup, this is great.
They might as well rename
this town Squidward's Paradise.
Or perhaps... Too Much Paradise.
( whirring )
SpongeBob?
Feh...
( whirring )
( laughs )
( whistling )
Oops.
( whirring )
Ohh!
( grunting )
( grunts )
( chuckles )
( clears throat )
Leaves.
Just getting the leaves.
( whirring )
( chuckles )
( whirring )
( laughing )
( whirring )
( laughs )
( whirring )
Oof!
( laughs )
Could you pipe down
over there, Iron Lung?
( both laugh )
( whirring )
( laughs )
Looks like when it comes
to having fun
you don't have
a leg to stand on.
( laughing )
Hey, that's not funny!
Yeah!
What's going on over here?
It's that guy.
He's playing with a reef-blower.
Playing? With a reef-blower?
That's the most childish thing
l've ever heard of.
But it's fun.
( laughs )
How could you
possibly have fun
with one of those
oversized hair dryers?
Like this!
( whirring )
( clarinet tooting )
Ahh! Give it back! Please!
( whirring )
( laughing )
Tag, you're it!
( whirring )
Whoa...!
( laughing )
What can I get you boys?
( whirring... )
( laughing... )
What are you looking at?
Those.
SPONGEBOB:
Here it is, Patrick.
Now we've just got to convince
Squidward to come back home.
You got our apology cake?
We're ready!
Yay!
Hello, can I help you?
Can I get a
large number
one, extra size?
But you just ate three orders
of fried oyster skins.
l love...
fried oyster skins.
We're sorry, but your kind
isn't allowed here.
He's not leaving,
Orville.
You got your
nightstick ready?
( sniffs )
Fried oyster skins?!
Oh...
( buzz )
( doors creak )
I guess we got to
order inside.
( yelling )
( laughing )
( whirring )
( laughing )
( crowd yelling )
( laughing )
Hey! That looked
like Squidward!
( yelling )
That looked like Squidward also
in angry mob form.
Hold it right there,
Mr. Tentacles!
Stay back!
I got gardening tools!
Here, just read this!
What is it?
A well thought-out and
organized list of complaints.
( crowd yelling )
Patrick, look, it's Squidward!
Squidward!
We finally found you!
Get off me!
I'm not Squidward.
Are you Squidward now?
Grievances?!
This town is a grievance!
There should be a law
against so many stuck-up
tightwads living in one place!
This city needs to be destroyed!
Or at least painted
a different color.
F.Y.I., you don't
have to live here,
you know.
Hey, you're right!
And I'm leaving A.S.A.P.
Are you Squidward?
No.
Are you Squidward?
No.
Are you Squidward?
That's okay, take your time.
Any one of these Squidwards
could be the real
Squidward, Patrick.
( boom )
( whooshing )
Whoa-ho, freedom!
Whoo-hoo!
( Squidward laughing )
Well, we know one thing...
It sure isn't that guy.
Whoo-hoo-ee!