SpongeBob SquarePants (1999–…): Season 1, Episode 12 - The Chaperone/Employee of the Month - full transcript
SpongeBob escorts Mr. Krabs' daughter to her school prom after she's dumped by her boyfriend; Spongebob and Squidward vie for Employee of the Month.
ARE YOU READY, KIDS?
Kids:
AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
( louder ):
AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
♪ OH... ♪
♪ WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE
UNDER THE SEA? ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ ABSORBENT AND YELLOW
AND POROUS IS HE. ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE
SOMETHING YOU WISH... ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUARE PANTS! ♪
♪ THEN DROP ON THE DECK
AND FLOP LIKE A FISH. ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ READY?
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
( laughs heartily )
[Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
( plays airy tune )
and NICKELODEON]
( sniffs )
AH...
( door opens, Pearl crying... )
Krabs:
DON'T CRY, LOVE.
DADDY'S GOING TO MAKE IT
ALL RIGHT.
CALM DOWN, GIRL!
( crying louder )
AH... ( screams )
MR. KRABS,
WHAT'S WRONG WITH PEARL?
HER SCURVY PROM DATE
STOOD HER UP, BOY
AND SHE CAN'T SEEM
TO FIND ANOTHER.
THAT'S BECAUSE THERE'S
ONLY ONE FISH IN THE SEA
AS LONG, TAN AND HANDSOME
AS HE IS... AND THAT'S HIM!
NO, NO, BABY.
NO MORE CRYING.
WE'LL GET YOU A DATE.
WHY, UH... I'LL TAKE YOU.
( starting to cry )
WHAT ABOUT SQUIDWARD?
( starting to cry )
WAIT, WAIT...
HERE, TAKE SPONGEBOB.
AH! THE FRY COOK?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT WOULD DO
TO MY COMPLEXION?
PEOPLE WILL MISTAKE ME
FOR A PLANETARIUM.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I DON'T KNOW...
BUT I CAN'T TAKE HIM, DADDY.
THEY'LL KICK ME OFF
THE MOST FREQUENTLY PICTURED
IN THE YEARBOOK COMMITTEE.
YEAH, THEY WOULD.
WE'VE GOT TO FIND
SOMEONE ELSE.
LISTEN UP! WHICH ONE
OF YOU LUCKY LUBBERS
WANTS TO TAKE
ME LOVELY DAUGHTER PEARL
TO THE PROM?
JUST DON'T BE LATE,
SPONGEBOB.
NOW LISTEN, BOY,
I'M A-COUNTING ON YOU
TO MAKE THIS
A VERY SPECIAL NIGHT
FOR A VERY SPECIAL GIRL.
REMEMBER, YOU'RE DOING
IT FOR GOOD OLD MR...
OH, HI, MR. KRABS.
ARE YOU TALKING TO
THAT DUMMY I MADE?
IT'S PRETTY REALISTIC,
ISN'T IT?
I MADE THIS PART OUT OF...
NEVER MIND THAT, BOY!
YOU'RE TAKING PEARL
TO HER PROM.
REALLY? OH, WOW!
DON'T WORRY, MR. KRABS.
I AM A PROM EXPERT.
OH, GARY,
I'M A PROM FAILURE.
I COULDN'T EVEN GET A DATE
FOR MY OWN JUNIOR PROM.
( meows )
NO, THAT WAS PATRICK
WHO BROUGHT HIS MOM.
BESIDES, HOW AM I
SUPPOSED TO COMPARE
WITH PEARL'S
OLD BOYFRIEND
MR. LONG,
TAN AND HANDSOME?
( meows )
WHAT IS IT, GARY?
WHAT DO YOU HAVE?
( honking and beeping )
SAY, GARY...
THIS MAGAZINE
GIVES ME AN IDEA.
LONG...
TAN...
MMM... HANDSOME.
( boinging )
OKAY, GARY,
WAIT TILL PEARL
GETS AN EYEFUL
OF THIS!
( boinging )
( doorbell rings )
HELLO?
WHAT DO YOU THINK, PEARL?
CLEANS UP PRETTY GOOD,
DOESN'T HE?
WELL, AT LEAST NO ONE
WILL RECOGNIZE YOU.
NOW, LISTEN, SPONGEBOB.
I JUST WANT TO
GET THROUGH THIS
WITH MY SOCIAL STATUS
INTACT.
I WANT TO GO TO THE PROM,
GET MY PICTURE TAKEN
AND I WANT TO DANCE...
...DRINK PUNCH...
AND DON'T DO
THAT OTHER THING
YOU'RE ALWAYS DOING...
UH, PEARL, WE GOT TO GET
TO THE LIMO.
A LIMO!
WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?
I LOVE LIMOUSINES!
GO EASY ON HIM, LASSIE!
I CAN'T AFFORD TO BREAK IN
A NEW FRY COOK! HAR-HAR-HAR...
( rock music playing )
( metal scraping harshly... )
Crowd:
OW... OW... OW...!
( music continues,
general conversation )
THE GYM
LOOKS WONDERFUL.
WELL, I GUESS
THE FIRST THING
WE SHOULD DO IS...
( camera clicks )
YAY, MY FIRST
PROM PICTURE!
UH... OUR FIRST
PROM PICTURE.
LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.
COME ON, SPONGEBOB.
BE RIGHT THERE!
( boinging )
WILL YOU HURRY UP?
UH... JUST A SECOND!
( boinging )
COMING...
SORRY...
( boinging )
HERE I AM...!
CHEESE...! OH!
THAT WILL BE A KEEPER.
Girl:
LOOK, IT'S PEARL!
HI, PEARL!
SPONGEBOB,
HERE COME MY FRIENDS!
UH... GO GET ME
SOME PUNCH!
PROM EXPERT, AWAY!
( boinging )
Girls:
HI, PEARL!
HI, GIRLS.
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET
BILLY FISHKINS.
MEEP.
AND YOU KNOW
BRIAN FLOUNDER
FROM MATH CLASS.
MEEP.
HI, BRIAN.
SO... LIKE, WHERE'S
YOUR DATE, PEARL?
WE'RE DYING
TO MEET HIM.
HE'S OVER AT THE PUNCH BOWL
GETTING ME SOME PUNCH.
OOH, IS HE
THE REALLY TALL ONE?
OH, YES.
I MEAN, OH, NO...
AH... EEE...
EEE...
AH... EEE...
AH... EEE... AH...
( boinging )
HUP-HUP-HUP...
HUP-HUP-HUP-HUP...
HUP-HUP-HUP...
WHOA... OH!
OH...!
OH, QUICK, LET'S GO SEE
HOW UGLY CINDY'S DRESS IS.
THANK YOU.
MEEP.
YEAH, THANKS.
SPONGEBOB,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
HI, PEARL!
COME ON, IT WON'T BITE.
YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS!
( gasps )
WHAT IS IT?
GET DOWN,
THEY'LL SEE US!
IT'S MY EX-BOYFRIEND,
OCTAVIUS REX
A.K.A.
LONG, TAN AND HANDSOME.
MEEP.
WHOA... BUT I BET
HE ISN'T HOLDER
OF THE REGIONAL ROMANTIC
DANCE CHAMPIONSHIP TROPHY.
GIVE ME THAT BACK.
( laughs )
THAT DIDN'T JUST HAPPEN.
LET'S GO!
( rock music playing )
READY?
SPONGEBOB,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
CAN'T YOU SEE EVERYBODY HERE
IS DOING THE WHACK?
( whacking )
THE WHACK?
OH, YEAH, I INVENTED THAT ONE.
UH... ( boinging )
ARE YOU SURE
YOU CAN DO THIS?
OH...!
( screams )
( screaming, crashing,
clattering... )
WELL, I GUESS YOU CAN
TAKE ME HOME NOW.
NOW THAT YOU'VE RUINED
EVERYTHING... ( crying )
DON'T CRY...
THE PROM EXPERT IS HERE.
I HAVEN'T FAILED YET...
HEY, WE CAN STILL...
NO, I BROKE THAT.
I KNOW! WE COULD... NO.
DON'T CRY, DON'T CRY.
WHATEVER YOU DO,
DON'T...
( crying )
WOW, WHAT DID YOU DO
TO HIM?
POOR LITTLE GUY.
( crying... )
( screaming... )
SPONGE, ARE YOU OKAY?
SpongeBob ( crying ):
OH... RUINED
EVERYTHING. OH...
DON'T WORRY, SPONGEBOB--
YOU DIDN'T MESS EVERYTHING UP.
( wailing
incoherently ):
...HOT DOG.
( laughs )
ACTUALLY, IT WAS
PRETTY FUNNY
WHEN THAT HOT DOG
LANDED IN JUDY'S HAIR.
( wailing ):
...GOOD TIME.
BUT I AM HAVING
A GOOD TIME.
YOU KNOW, WE HAVEN'T
FINISHED OUR DANCE YET.
( mumbling question )
YES, YOU CAN STILL
WEAR THE WIG.
LET'S GO!
Singer:
ALL RIGHT, YOU INVERTEBRATES.
I'M GOING TO TEACH YOU
HOW TO DO THE SPONGE.
♪ WELL, IF YOU TAKE YOUR LEG
AND YOU STICK IT IN THE AIR ♪
♪ AND THEN YOU TAKE THE OTHER
ONE AND JAM IT RIGHT UP THERE ♪
♪ YOU TWIST YOURSELF AROUND
AND GIVE A GREAT BIG LUNGE ♪
♪ NOW YOU'RE DOING THE SPONGE ♪
♪ HUH, DO THE SPONGE, SPONGE,
OH, DO THE SPONGE ♪
♪ BET YOUR BUNS
YOU'RE DOING THE SPONGE ♪
♪ WELL, NOW, FIRST
YOU TAKE YOUR LEG ♪
♪ AND YOU STICK IT IN THE AIR ♪
♪ AND THEN YOU TAKE
THE OTHER ONE ♪
OH, OH, OH...!
♪ AND YOU JAM IT
RIGHT UP THERE... ♪
MEEP, MEEP.
GET LOST, PIZZA TOPPING.
CAN'T YOU SEE
I'M DOING THE SPONGE?
♪ ...A BIG LUNGE ♪
♪ NOW YOU'RE DOING, YEAH,
NOW YOU'RE DOING THE SPONGE ♪
♪ ALL RIGHT NOW, YEAH,
DO THE SPONGE, SPONGE ♪
( screaming... )
♪ OH, DO THE SPONGE ♪
♪ BEFORE YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE TAKING THE PLUNGE ♪
♪ I SAID THE SPONGE, SPONGE,
OH, DO THE SPONGE ♪
( siren wailing... )
♪ BET YOUR BUNS
YOU'RE DOING THE SPONGE ♪
♪ YEAH, BET YOUR BUNS
YOU'RE DOING THE SPONGE ♪
♪ OH, YEAH, WELL,
YOU'RE DOING THE SPONGE ♪
♪ OH, I SAID THE SPONGE, SPONGE,
YEAH, DO THE SPONGE ♪
( whooping )
♪ YEAH, DO THE SPONGE,
SPONGE... ♪
SpongeBob and Pearl:
THEY LOVE US!
Both:
YAY, WE'RE POPULAR!
( crowd grumbling... )
GO WRECK SOMEONE ELSE'S
PROM, WILL YOU?
GEE WHIZ, PEARL.
I'M SORRY TONIGHT
DIDN'T TURN OUT
LIKE YOU PLANNED.
OH, DON'T WORRY, SPONGEBOB.
I KNEW IT WOULD BE
A TOTAL DISASTER ALL ALONG.
BUT AS FAR AS DISASTERS GO
THAT WAS REALLY FUN.
Mr. Krabs:
AHA!
KEEP AWAY FROM
MY PRECIOUS FLOWER!
( gasps )
YOU ALMOST STEPPED ON IT.
OH, DADDY!
WELL, GOODNIGHT,
SHORT, YELLOW AND SPONGY.
SPONGEBOB?
GOOD JOB, LADDIE.
OH, THERE YOU ARE, DUMMY.
YOU SURE COME IN HANDY.
( laughing... )
SpongeBob:
HEY, SQUIDWARD.
HEY, SQUIDWARD.
HEY, SQUIDWARD.
HEY, SQUIDWARD.
HEY, SQUIDWARD.
OKAY, I'LL BITE.
WHAT IS IT,
SPONGEBOB?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY IS?
ANNOY SQUIDWARD DAY?
( SpongeBob laughs )
NO, SILLY.
THAT'S ON THE 15TH.
TODAY'S THE BEGINNING
OF THE JUDGING
FOR EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH.
SPONGEBOB, DON'T YOU KNOW
THAT AWARD IS A SCAM?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
MR. KRABS GIVES YOU
THAT AWARD
SO YOU'LL WORK HARDER
FOR NO EXTRA MONEY.
THAT IS NOT TRUE, SQUIDWARD.
HE GIVES IT TO ME
BECAUSE I WORK HARDER.
YOU COULD WIN IT, TOO,
IF YOU TRIED HARDER.
OH, FOR WHAT?
TO GET MY FACE
ON THE WALL OF SHAME?
SQUIDWARD, YOU'VE GOT IT
ALL WRONG.
HAVING PRIDE IN YOUR WORK
IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF.
WHY, IT'S THE ONLY THING
THAT MAKES IT ALL WORTHWHILE.
THATTABOY, SPONGEBOB.
THIS IS GOING TO BE
A TOUGH ONE, THOUGH.
THERE'S NO
CLEAR-CUT WINNER.
WATCH OUT, SPONGEBOB--
SQUIDWARD APPEARS
TO BE ON THE VERGE
OF A BREAKOUT.
THERE MIGHT BE A NEW FACE
ON THE WALL THIS MONTH.
HUH?
THAT'S RIGHT,
SPONGEBOB.
I MIGHT SNEAK UP
ON YOU.
( laughing )
( laughing )
( laughing )
NO!
( sobbing )
HOW COULD I HAVE LET THE QUALITY
OF MY WORK SLIP SO MUCH?
( laughing )
( grunting )
( screams )
( grunting )
Squidward:
NEED SOME HELP?
( screams )
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
MAKING KRABBY PATTIES?
YOU'RE LOSING IT.
DON'T YOU KNOW THAT AWARD
IS A LOAD OF...
GARBAGE.
PLEASE, DON'T TELL
MR. KRABS ABOUT THIS.
IT'LL HURT MY CHANCES
OF WINNING THE AWARD.
I ALREADY TOLD YOU,
THAT AWARD IS A BUNCH OF...
BALONEY.
THAT IS NOT TRUE,
SQUIDWARD.
LIKE THIS HAT, THE AWARD
IS A SYMBOL OF...
IT'S A SYMBOL
THAT YOU'RE A CHUMP.
( screams )
NO, SQUIDWARD. OH!
AND THIS IS A SYMBOL
OF WHAT I THINK
OF THE EMPLOYEE
OF THE MONTH AWARD!
( clang )
OW!
AN EXPERIENCED
EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH
ALWAYS KEEPS A BRICK OF LEAD
IN HIS HAT.
I'M TELLING YOU
FOR THE LAST TIME
THAT AWARD IS
NOTHING BUT A JOKE.
WHAT IF SQUIDWARD'S RIGHT?
WHAT IF THE AWARD IS A PHONY?
DOES THIS MEAN MY WHOLE BODY
OF WORK IS MEANINGLESS?
STOW THAT KIND OF TALK, SAILOR.
THIS IS WAR NOW, PRIVATE.
THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT HE WANTS YOU TO THINK.
THIS IS NO TIME TO GO
LILY-LIVERED ON US.
BUT, SIR...
THERE'S NO ROOM FOR
"BUTS" IN WAR, SOLDIER.
HE WANTS YOU TO CRACK.
HE'S TRYING TO TRICK YOU,
GET INSIDE YOUR MIND.
YOU MUST STOP AT NOTHING--
AND I MEAN NOTHING--
TO DEFEAT HIM.
HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR,
PRIVATE?
CRYSTAL, SIR.
GOOD. NOW MOVE OUT!
I WON'T LET SQUIDWARD WIN.
HE CAN'T GO TO WORK
IF HE DOESN'T WAKE UP.
TARGET SIGHTED.
HUH?
( Squidward gargling )
HUH?
( muttering )
( giggles )
( screaming )
SPONGEBOB!
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
YOU CAN'T WIN THAT AWARD
IF YOU DON'T GET UP FOR WORK.
HUH?
HA-HA.
( grunting... )
( grunting... )
STOP IT, SPONGEBOB.
IF I REALLY WANTED
THAT AWARD
I COULD WIN IT
WITH MY TENTACLES TIED.
THAT CAN BE ARRANGED.
YOU'RE A LUNATIC,
SPONGEBOB!
MAYBE SO, BUT I DID WIN EMPLOYEE
OF THE MONTH 26 MONTHS IN A ROW.
ARE Y... ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY
THAT YOU ARE BETTER THAN ME?
I'VE BEEN BETTER
THAN YOU FOR 26 MONTHS--
AND IT'LL BE 27 TOMORROW.
OH, THAT'S IT,
SQUARE-FOR-BRAINS,
THAT'S IT!
I'M GOING
TO SHOW YOU
HOW EASY IT IS TO WIN
THAT AWARD.
I'M GOING TO BE THE NEW
EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH.
I WILL PROVE TO YOU I AM
FAR MORE COMPETENT THAN YOU.
WELL, I'M GOING IN EARLY
TO WAX THE FLOORS.
I'LL HAVE DONE IT BY
THE TIME YOU GET THERE.
YOU'LL HAVE TO GET UP
EARLY TO GET THERE BEFORE ME.
I DON'T NEED THE SLEEP... LOSER.
WELL, ME NEITHER...
26-TIME LOSER.
LOOK AT HIM,
WATCHING ME.
I'M WATCHING YOU, SPONGEBOB.
YOU'RE NOT LEAVING BEFORE ME.
HEY, SQUIDWARD,
GETTING SLEEPY, HUH?
NO. HOW ABOUT YOU?
NOPE.
( playing lullaby...)
NIGHTY-NIGHT.
( snoring )
( chuckling )
( screams )
SPONGEBOB!
HEY, SQUIDWARD.
GOING SOMEWHERE?
I'M GOING TO WRING YOU DRY
WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE.
NOW, GET ME OUT OF HERE.
OKAY, SQUIDWARD.
I'LL STOP BY AFTER WORK.
SPONGEBOB...!
SPONGEBOB!
NOW TO GET SOME REST.
DON'T WANT TO LOOK TIRED FOR
MY EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH PHOTO.
( snoring... )
( grunting... )
( hammering )
SQUIDWARD!
THAT OUGHT TO HOLD HIM.
( sawing )
( laughs )
( chuckling )
HUH?
OH...
SPONGEBOB!
WHY, YOU LITTLE...
OH...
( laughing )
HMM... A KRABBY PATTY.
( sniffing )
OW!
( stifled ):
SQUIDWARD!
SO LONG, SPONGE LOSER.
( yells )
( laughs )
( Squidward laughs )
( SpongeBob laughs )
( Squidward laughs )
( both grunting
and straining... )
SPONGEBOB... TRUCE.
TRUCE.
SPONGEBOB,
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
IF WE KEEP THIS UP, NEITHER
OF US WILL WIN THE AWARD.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
WE SHOULD SAVE
OUR ENERGY FOR WORK
WHERE WE REALLY NEED IT.
OKAY, LET'S HAVE
A GOOD, CLEAN FIGHT.
AND MAY
THE BETTER MAN WIN.
( thinking ):
HE'S NOTHING BUT A LYING,
BONELESS, INK-SQUIRTING,
BIG-NOSED PHONY.
LOOK AT THAT BUCK-TOOTHED,
CORN-FED SMILE.
YOU CAN'T TRUST HIM
AS FAR AS YOU CAN THROW HIM.
AS SOON AS HE STOPS
SHAKING MY HAND...
I'M GOING TO MAKE A RUN FOR IT.
( both laugh nervously )
( gasping and panting )
♪ MONEY, MONEY,
GOING TO MAKE SOME MONEY... ♪
( squishing
and squirting )
( gasping and panting )
AH, IT WARMS ME WALLET TO SEE ME
EMPLOYEES COMING IN SO EARLY.
( gasping and panting )
BOYS, YOU'RE EARLY.
( gasping and panting )
WAIT...!
( crashing and clattering )
LOOK, MR. KRABS, CLEAN FLOORS!
CLEAN TABLES, MR. KRABS!
CLEAN DISHES, MR. KRABS!
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
IT'S MORE EFFICIENT
TO CLEAN DISHES
THIS WAY, MR. KRABS.
NO!
FLOWERS AND CHOCOLATES
FOR YOU, MR. KRABS!
LOOK, I'M PUTTING MY OWN MONEY
INTO THE REGISTER, MR. KRABS!
TWO SPATULAS TO INCREASE
PRODUCTIVITY, MR. KRABS!
FASTER, SPONGEBOB, FASTER.
THERE'S NOTHING TO THIS
PATTY FLIPPING, MR. KRABS.
I'LL EASILY DOUBLE YOUR OUTPUT,
SPONGE HOG!
BOYS, BOYS, BOYS!
WHA... HELP!
HELP!
HEY, FREE KRABBY PATTIES!
HEY, LOOK AT THAT,
KRABBY PATTIES!
Krabs:
WAIT, YOU'VE GOT TO
PAY FOR THOSE.
WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!
BOYS, THE KRABBY PATTIES!
SO, WHO'S THE WINNER
OF EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH?
ME, ME, ME...!
ME, ME, ME...!
WAIT! BOYS,
THE KRABBY PATTIES!
BOYS, WAIT...!
[Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
and NICKELODEON]
[Captioned by The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation]
Kids:
AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
( louder ):
AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
♪ OH... ♪
♪ WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE
UNDER THE SEA? ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ ABSORBENT AND YELLOW
AND POROUS IS HE. ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE
SOMETHING YOU WISH... ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUARE PANTS! ♪
♪ THEN DROP ON THE DECK
AND FLOP LIKE A FISH. ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ READY?
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
( laughs heartily )
[Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
( plays airy tune )
and NICKELODEON]
( sniffs )
AH...
( door opens, Pearl crying... )
Krabs:
DON'T CRY, LOVE.
DADDY'S GOING TO MAKE IT
ALL RIGHT.
CALM DOWN, GIRL!
( crying louder )
AH... ( screams )
MR. KRABS,
WHAT'S WRONG WITH PEARL?
HER SCURVY PROM DATE
STOOD HER UP, BOY
AND SHE CAN'T SEEM
TO FIND ANOTHER.
THAT'S BECAUSE THERE'S
ONLY ONE FISH IN THE SEA
AS LONG, TAN AND HANDSOME
AS HE IS... AND THAT'S HIM!
NO, NO, BABY.
NO MORE CRYING.
WE'LL GET YOU A DATE.
WHY, UH... I'LL TAKE YOU.
( starting to cry )
WHAT ABOUT SQUIDWARD?
( starting to cry )
WAIT, WAIT...
HERE, TAKE SPONGEBOB.
AH! THE FRY COOK?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT WOULD DO
TO MY COMPLEXION?
PEOPLE WILL MISTAKE ME
FOR A PLANETARIUM.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I DON'T KNOW...
BUT I CAN'T TAKE HIM, DADDY.
THEY'LL KICK ME OFF
THE MOST FREQUENTLY PICTURED
IN THE YEARBOOK COMMITTEE.
YEAH, THEY WOULD.
WE'VE GOT TO FIND
SOMEONE ELSE.
LISTEN UP! WHICH ONE
OF YOU LUCKY LUBBERS
WANTS TO TAKE
ME LOVELY DAUGHTER PEARL
TO THE PROM?
JUST DON'T BE LATE,
SPONGEBOB.
NOW LISTEN, BOY,
I'M A-COUNTING ON YOU
TO MAKE THIS
A VERY SPECIAL NIGHT
FOR A VERY SPECIAL GIRL.
REMEMBER, YOU'RE DOING
IT FOR GOOD OLD MR...
OH, HI, MR. KRABS.
ARE YOU TALKING TO
THAT DUMMY I MADE?
IT'S PRETTY REALISTIC,
ISN'T IT?
I MADE THIS PART OUT OF...
NEVER MIND THAT, BOY!
YOU'RE TAKING PEARL
TO HER PROM.
REALLY? OH, WOW!
DON'T WORRY, MR. KRABS.
I AM A PROM EXPERT.
OH, GARY,
I'M A PROM FAILURE.
I COULDN'T EVEN GET A DATE
FOR MY OWN JUNIOR PROM.
( meows )
NO, THAT WAS PATRICK
WHO BROUGHT HIS MOM.
BESIDES, HOW AM I
SUPPOSED TO COMPARE
WITH PEARL'S
OLD BOYFRIEND
MR. LONG,
TAN AND HANDSOME?
( meows )
WHAT IS IT, GARY?
WHAT DO YOU HAVE?
( honking and beeping )
SAY, GARY...
THIS MAGAZINE
GIVES ME AN IDEA.
LONG...
TAN...
MMM... HANDSOME.
( boinging )
OKAY, GARY,
WAIT TILL PEARL
GETS AN EYEFUL
OF THIS!
( boinging )
( doorbell rings )
HELLO?
WHAT DO YOU THINK, PEARL?
CLEANS UP PRETTY GOOD,
DOESN'T HE?
WELL, AT LEAST NO ONE
WILL RECOGNIZE YOU.
NOW, LISTEN, SPONGEBOB.
I JUST WANT TO
GET THROUGH THIS
WITH MY SOCIAL STATUS
INTACT.
I WANT TO GO TO THE PROM,
GET MY PICTURE TAKEN
AND I WANT TO DANCE...
...DRINK PUNCH...
AND DON'T DO
THAT OTHER THING
YOU'RE ALWAYS DOING...
UH, PEARL, WE GOT TO GET
TO THE LIMO.
A LIMO!
WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?
I LOVE LIMOUSINES!
GO EASY ON HIM, LASSIE!
I CAN'T AFFORD TO BREAK IN
A NEW FRY COOK! HAR-HAR-HAR...
( rock music playing )
( metal scraping harshly... )
Crowd:
OW... OW... OW...!
( music continues,
general conversation )
THE GYM
LOOKS WONDERFUL.
WELL, I GUESS
THE FIRST THING
WE SHOULD DO IS...
( camera clicks )
YAY, MY FIRST
PROM PICTURE!
UH... OUR FIRST
PROM PICTURE.
LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.
COME ON, SPONGEBOB.
BE RIGHT THERE!
( boinging )
WILL YOU HURRY UP?
UH... JUST A SECOND!
( boinging )
COMING...
SORRY...
( boinging )
HERE I AM...!
CHEESE...! OH!
THAT WILL BE A KEEPER.
Girl:
LOOK, IT'S PEARL!
HI, PEARL!
SPONGEBOB,
HERE COME MY FRIENDS!
UH... GO GET ME
SOME PUNCH!
PROM EXPERT, AWAY!
( boinging )
Girls:
HI, PEARL!
HI, GIRLS.
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET
BILLY FISHKINS.
MEEP.
AND YOU KNOW
BRIAN FLOUNDER
FROM MATH CLASS.
MEEP.
HI, BRIAN.
SO... LIKE, WHERE'S
YOUR DATE, PEARL?
WE'RE DYING
TO MEET HIM.
HE'S OVER AT THE PUNCH BOWL
GETTING ME SOME PUNCH.
OOH, IS HE
THE REALLY TALL ONE?
OH, YES.
I MEAN, OH, NO...
AH... EEE...
EEE...
AH... EEE...
AH... EEE... AH...
( boinging )
HUP-HUP-HUP...
HUP-HUP-HUP-HUP...
HUP-HUP-HUP...
WHOA... OH!
OH...!
OH, QUICK, LET'S GO SEE
HOW UGLY CINDY'S DRESS IS.
THANK YOU.
MEEP.
YEAH, THANKS.
SPONGEBOB,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
HI, PEARL!
COME ON, IT WON'T BITE.
YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS!
( gasps )
WHAT IS IT?
GET DOWN,
THEY'LL SEE US!
IT'S MY EX-BOYFRIEND,
OCTAVIUS REX
A.K.A.
LONG, TAN AND HANDSOME.
MEEP.
WHOA... BUT I BET
HE ISN'T HOLDER
OF THE REGIONAL ROMANTIC
DANCE CHAMPIONSHIP TROPHY.
GIVE ME THAT BACK.
( laughs )
THAT DIDN'T JUST HAPPEN.
LET'S GO!
( rock music playing )
READY?
SPONGEBOB,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
CAN'T YOU SEE EVERYBODY HERE
IS DOING THE WHACK?
( whacking )
THE WHACK?
OH, YEAH, I INVENTED THAT ONE.
UH... ( boinging )
ARE YOU SURE
YOU CAN DO THIS?
OH...!
( screams )
( screaming, crashing,
clattering... )
WELL, I GUESS YOU CAN
TAKE ME HOME NOW.
NOW THAT YOU'VE RUINED
EVERYTHING... ( crying )
DON'T CRY...
THE PROM EXPERT IS HERE.
I HAVEN'T FAILED YET...
HEY, WE CAN STILL...
NO, I BROKE THAT.
I KNOW! WE COULD... NO.
DON'T CRY, DON'T CRY.
WHATEVER YOU DO,
DON'T...
( crying )
WOW, WHAT DID YOU DO
TO HIM?
POOR LITTLE GUY.
( crying... )
( screaming... )
SPONGE, ARE YOU OKAY?
SpongeBob ( crying ):
OH... RUINED
EVERYTHING. OH...
DON'T WORRY, SPONGEBOB--
YOU DIDN'T MESS EVERYTHING UP.
( wailing
incoherently ):
...HOT DOG.
( laughs )
ACTUALLY, IT WAS
PRETTY FUNNY
WHEN THAT HOT DOG
LANDED IN JUDY'S HAIR.
( wailing ):
...GOOD TIME.
BUT I AM HAVING
A GOOD TIME.
YOU KNOW, WE HAVEN'T
FINISHED OUR DANCE YET.
( mumbling question )
YES, YOU CAN STILL
WEAR THE WIG.
LET'S GO!
Singer:
ALL RIGHT, YOU INVERTEBRATES.
I'M GOING TO TEACH YOU
HOW TO DO THE SPONGE.
♪ WELL, IF YOU TAKE YOUR LEG
AND YOU STICK IT IN THE AIR ♪
♪ AND THEN YOU TAKE THE OTHER
ONE AND JAM IT RIGHT UP THERE ♪
♪ YOU TWIST YOURSELF AROUND
AND GIVE A GREAT BIG LUNGE ♪
♪ NOW YOU'RE DOING THE SPONGE ♪
♪ HUH, DO THE SPONGE, SPONGE,
OH, DO THE SPONGE ♪
♪ BET YOUR BUNS
YOU'RE DOING THE SPONGE ♪
♪ WELL, NOW, FIRST
YOU TAKE YOUR LEG ♪
♪ AND YOU STICK IT IN THE AIR ♪
♪ AND THEN YOU TAKE
THE OTHER ONE ♪
OH, OH, OH...!
♪ AND YOU JAM IT
RIGHT UP THERE... ♪
MEEP, MEEP.
GET LOST, PIZZA TOPPING.
CAN'T YOU SEE
I'M DOING THE SPONGE?
♪ ...A BIG LUNGE ♪
♪ NOW YOU'RE DOING, YEAH,
NOW YOU'RE DOING THE SPONGE ♪
♪ ALL RIGHT NOW, YEAH,
DO THE SPONGE, SPONGE ♪
( screaming... )
♪ OH, DO THE SPONGE ♪
♪ BEFORE YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE TAKING THE PLUNGE ♪
♪ I SAID THE SPONGE, SPONGE,
OH, DO THE SPONGE ♪
( siren wailing... )
♪ BET YOUR BUNS
YOU'RE DOING THE SPONGE ♪
♪ YEAH, BET YOUR BUNS
YOU'RE DOING THE SPONGE ♪
♪ OH, YEAH, WELL,
YOU'RE DOING THE SPONGE ♪
♪ OH, I SAID THE SPONGE, SPONGE,
YEAH, DO THE SPONGE ♪
( whooping )
♪ YEAH, DO THE SPONGE,
SPONGE... ♪
SpongeBob and Pearl:
THEY LOVE US!
Both:
YAY, WE'RE POPULAR!
( crowd grumbling... )
GO WRECK SOMEONE ELSE'S
PROM, WILL YOU?
GEE WHIZ, PEARL.
I'M SORRY TONIGHT
DIDN'T TURN OUT
LIKE YOU PLANNED.
OH, DON'T WORRY, SPONGEBOB.
I KNEW IT WOULD BE
A TOTAL DISASTER ALL ALONG.
BUT AS FAR AS DISASTERS GO
THAT WAS REALLY FUN.
Mr. Krabs:
AHA!
KEEP AWAY FROM
MY PRECIOUS FLOWER!
( gasps )
YOU ALMOST STEPPED ON IT.
OH, DADDY!
WELL, GOODNIGHT,
SHORT, YELLOW AND SPONGY.
SPONGEBOB?
GOOD JOB, LADDIE.
OH, THERE YOU ARE, DUMMY.
YOU SURE COME IN HANDY.
( laughing... )
SpongeBob:
HEY, SQUIDWARD.
HEY, SQUIDWARD.
HEY, SQUIDWARD.
HEY, SQUIDWARD.
HEY, SQUIDWARD.
OKAY, I'LL BITE.
WHAT IS IT,
SPONGEBOB?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY IS?
ANNOY SQUIDWARD DAY?
( SpongeBob laughs )
NO, SILLY.
THAT'S ON THE 15TH.
TODAY'S THE BEGINNING
OF THE JUDGING
FOR EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH.
SPONGEBOB, DON'T YOU KNOW
THAT AWARD IS A SCAM?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
MR. KRABS GIVES YOU
THAT AWARD
SO YOU'LL WORK HARDER
FOR NO EXTRA MONEY.
THAT IS NOT TRUE, SQUIDWARD.
HE GIVES IT TO ME
BECAUSE I WORK HARDER.
YOU COULD WIN IT, TOO,
IF YOU TRIED HARDER.
OH, FOR WHAT?
TO GET MY FACE
ON THE WALL OF SHAME?
SQUIDWARD, YOU'VE GOT IT
ALL WRONG.
HAVING PRIDE IN YOUR WORK
IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF.
WHY, IT'S THE ONLY THING
THAT MAKES IT ALL WORTHWHILE.
THATTABOY, SPONGEBOB.
THIS IS GOING TO BE
A TOUGH ONE, THOUGH.
THERE'S NO
CLEAR-CUT WINNER.
WATCH OUT, SPONGEBOB--
SQUIDWARD APPEARS
TO BE ON THE VERGE
OF A BREAKOUT.
THERE MIGHT BE A NEW FACE
ON THE WALL THIS MONTH.
HUH?
THAT'S RIGHT,
SPONGEBOB.
I MIGHT SNEAK UP
ON YOU.
( laughing )
( laughing )
( laughing )
NO!
( sobbing )
HOW COULD I HAVE LET THE QUALITY
OF MY WORK SLIP SO MUCH?
( laughing )
( grunting )
( screams )
( grunting )
Squidward:
NEED SOME HELP?
( screams )
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
MAKING KRABBY PATTIES?
YOU'RE LOSING IT.
DON'T YOU KNOW THAT AWARD
IS A LOAD OF...
GARBAGE.
PLEASE, DON'T TELL
MR. KRABS ABOUT THIS.
IT'LL HURT MY CHANCES
OF WINNING THE AWARD.
I ALREADY TOLD YOU,
THAT AWARD IS A BUNCH OF...
BALONEY.
THAT IS NOT TRUE,
SQUIDWARD.
LIKE THIS HAT, THE AWARD
IS A SYMBOL OF...
IT'S A SYMBOL
THAT YOU'RE A CHUMP.
( screams )
NO, SQUIDWARD. OH!
AND THIS IS A SYMBOL
OF WHAT I THINK
OF THE EMPLOYEE
OF THE MONTH AWARD!
( clang )
OW!
AN EXPERIENCED
EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH
ALWAYS KEEPS A BRICK OF LEAD
IN HIS HAT.
I'M TELLING YOU
FOR THE LAST TIME
THAT AWARD IS
NOTHING BUT A JOKE.
WHAT IF SQUIDWARD'S RIGHT?
WHAT IF THE AWARD IS A PHONY?
DOES THIS MEAN MY WHOLE BODY
OF WORK IS MEANINGLESS?
STOW THAT KIND OF TALK, SAILOR.
THIS IS WAR NOW, PRIVATE.
THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT HE WANTS YOU TO THINK.
THIS IS NO TIME TO GO
LILY-LIVERED ON US.
BUT, SIR...
THERE'S NO ROOM FOR
"BUTS" IN WAR, SOLDIER.
HE WANTS YOU TO CRACK.
HE'S TRYING TO TRICK YOU,
GET INSIDE YOUR MIND.
YOU MUST STOP AT NOTHING--
AND I MEAN NOTHING--
TO DEFEAT HIM.
HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR,
PRIVATE?
CRYSTAL, SIR.
GOOD. NOW MOVE OUT!
I WON'T LET SQUIDWARD WIN.
HE CAN'T GO TO WORK
IF HE DOESN'T WAKE UP.
TARGET SIGHTED.
HUH?
( Squidward gargling )
HUH?
( muttering )
( giggles )
( screaming )
SPONGEBOB!
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
YOU CAN'T WIN THAT AWARD
IF YOU DON'T GET UP FOR WORK.
HUH?
HA-HA.
( grunting... )
( grunting... )
STOP IT, SPONGEBOB.
IF I REALLY WANTED
THAT AWARD
I COULD WIN IT
WITH MY TENTACLES TIED.
THAT CAN BE ARRANGED.
YOU'RE A LUNATIC,
SPONGEBOB!
MAYBE SO, BUT I DID WIN EMPLOYEE
OF THE MONTH 26 MONTHS IN A ROW.
ARE Y... ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY
THAT YOU ARE BETTER THAN ME?
I'VE BEEN BETTER
THAN YOU FOR 26 MONTHS--
AND IT'LL BE 27 TOMORROW.
OH, THAT'S IT,
SQUARE-FOR-BRAINS,
THAT'S IT!
I'M GOING
TO SHOW YOU
HOW EASY IT IS TO WIN
THAT AWARD.
I'M GOING TO BE THE NEW
EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH.
I WILL PROVE TO YOU I AM
FAR MORE COMPETENT THAN YOU.
WELL, I'M GOING IN EARLY
TO WAX THE FLOORS.
I'LL HAVE DONE IT BY
THE TIME YOU GET THERE.
YOU'LL HAVE TO GET UP
EARLY TO GET THERE BEFORE ME.
I DON'T NEED THE SLEEP... LOSER.
WELL, ME NEITHER...
26-TIME LOSER.
LOOK AT HIM,
WATCHING ME.
I'M WATCHING YOU, SPONGEBOB.
YOU'RE NOT LEAVING BEFORE ME.
HEY, SQUIDWARD,
GETTING SLEEPY, HUH?
NO. HOW ABOUT YOU?
NOPE.
( playing lullaby...)
NIGHTY-NIGHT.
( snoring )
( chuckling )
( screams )
SPONGEBOB!
HEY, SQUIDWARD.
GOING SOMEWHERE?
I'M GOING TO WRING YOU DRY
WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE.
NOW, GET ME OUT OF HERE.
OKAY, SQUIDWARD.
I'LL STOP BY AFTER WORK.
SPONGEBOB...!
SPONGEBOB!
NOW TO GET SOME REST.
DON'T WANT TO LOOK TIRED FOR
MY EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH PHOTO.
( snoring... )
( grunting... )
( hammering )
SQUIDWARD!
THAT OUGHT TO HOLD HIM.
( sawing )
( laughs )
( chuckling )
HUH?
OH...
SPONGEBOB!
WHY, YOU LITTLE...
OH...
( laughing )
HMM... A KRABBY PATTY.
( sniffing )
OW!
( stifled ):
SQUIDWARD!
SO LONG, SPONGE LOSER.
( yells )
( laughs )
( Squidward laughs )
( SpongeBob laughs )
( Squidward laughs )
( both grunting
and straining... )
SPONGEBOB... TRUCE.
TRUCE.
SPONGEBOB,
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
IF WE KEEP THIS UP, NEITHER
OF US WILL WIN THE AWARD.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
WE SHOULD SAVE
OUR ENERGY FOR WORK
WHERE WE REALLY NEED IT.
OKAY, LET'S HAVE
A GOOD, CLEAN FIGHT.
AND MAY
THE BETTER MAN WIN.
( thinking ):
HE'S NOTHING BUT A LYING,
BONELESS, INK-SQUIRTING,
BIG-NOSED PHONY.
LOOK AT THAT BUCK-TOOTHED,
CORN-FED SMILE.
YOU CAN'T TRUST HIM
AS FAR AS YOU CAN THROW HIM.
AS SOON AS HE STOPS
SHAKING MY HAND...
I'M GOING TO MAKE A RUN FOR IT.
( both laugh nervously )
( gasping and panting )
♪ MONEY, MONEY,
GOING TO MAKE SOME MONEY... ♪
( squishing
and squirting )
( gasping and panting )
AH, IT WARMS ME WALLET TO SEE ME
EMPLOYEES COMING IN SO EARLY.
( gasping and panting )
BOYS, YOU'RE EARLY.
( gasping and panting )
WAIT...!
( crashing and clattering )
LOOK, MR. KRABS, CLEAN FLOORS!
CLEAN TABLES, MR. KRABS!
CLEAN DISHES, MR. KRABS!
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
IT'S MORE EFFICIENT
TO CLEAN DISHES
THIS WAY, MR. KRABS.
NO!
FLOWERS AND CHOCOLATES
FOR YOU, MR. KRABS!
LOOK, I'M PUTTING MY OWN MONEY
INTO THE REGISTER, MR. KRABS!
TWO SPATULAS TO INCREASE
PRODUCTIVITY, MR. KRABS!
FASTER, SPONGEBOB, FASTER.
THERE'S NOTHING TO THIS
PATTY FLIPPING, MR. KRABS.
I'LL EASILY DOUBLE YOUR OUTPUT,
SPONGE HOG!
BOYS, BOYS, BOYS!
WHA... HELP!
HELP!
HEY, FREE KRABBY PATTIES!
HEY, LOOK AT THAT,
KRABBY PATTIES!
Krabs:
WAIT, YOU'VE GOT TO
PAY FOR THOSE.
WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!
BOYS, THE KRABBY PATTIES!
SO, WHO'S THE WINNER
OF EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH?
ME, ME, ME...!
ME, ME, ME...!
WAIT! BOYS,
THE KRABBY PATTIES!
BOYS, WAIT...!
[Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
and NICKELODEON]
[Captioned by The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation]