SpongeBob SquarePants (1999–…): Season 1, Episode 10 - Culture Shock/F.U.N. - full transcript
Culture Shock: There's a talent show at the Krusty Krab and Squidward takes over the planning. SpongeBob, wanting to do his part as well impress his parents, offers to do anything. Squidward, afraid of disaster by putting SpongeBob on stage, delegates him to sweeping up. But determination will pay off for SpongeBob when he becomes the Grand Finale. F.U.N.: After another failed attempt by the evil Plankton to steal a Krusty Krabs' Krabby Patty, SpongeBob reasons that Plankton is just lonely and needs a friend, that's why he's so evil. After SpongeBob befriends Plankton, the two engage in a variety of friendship activities. Unfortunately, Mr. Krab's must show SpongeBob Plankton's true colors.
ARE YOU READY, KIDS?
Kids:
AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
( louder ):
AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
♪ OH... ♪
♪ WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE
UNDER THE SEA? ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ ABSORBENT AND YELLOW
AND POROUS IS HE. ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE
SOMETHING YOU WISH... ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ THEN DROP ON THE DECK
AND FLOP LIKE A FISH. ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ READY?
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
( laughs heartily )
[Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
( plays airy tune )
and NICKELODEON]
( sighs dreamily )
( gasps )
( grunting )
( gasps )
( grunting )
HMM.
HMM...
I JUST DON'T GET IT.
IF A FREE SALAD BAR DOESN'T
BRING IN CUSTOMERS
WHAT WILL?!
( humming tune )
Krabs:
SQUIDWARD!
UH, UH, YES, SIR?
THERE'S GOING TO BE
SOME CHANGES AROUND HERE.
( gasps )
A CUSTOMER!
WELCOME TO THE KRUSTY KRAB!
SPONGEBOB, CATER
TO HIS EVERY WHIM
AND DON'T SCREW
THIS ONE UP.
AYE, AYE, SIR!
WELCOME ABOARD,
SIR.
HERE AT THE KRUSTY KRAB,
YOU ARE THE CAPTAIN
AND I AM YOUR CABIN BOY.
YOU JUST SAY THE WORD
AND I WILL THROW
MYSELF IN THE BRIG.
MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?
ALL I WANTED WAS CHANGE
FOR THE PAY PHONE.
AYE, AYE, SIR!
"MONSIEUR'S CHANGEZ."
THANKS.
( laughs nervously )
HERE YOU GO.
( sniffs )
( cash register rings )
YEAH!
( penny clinks )
AS YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED,
PROFITS ARE WAY DOWN THIS MONTH.
WE NEED A GIMMICK
TO BRING IN CUSTOMERS.
DO YOU LUBBERS HAVE ANY IDEAS?
I'VE GOT ONE-- A FREE PAIR
OF SOCKS WITH EVERY PURCHASE.
UH-UH.
OR MAYBE DOUBLE-PATTY
MIDNIGHT MADNESS!
OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH!
I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW!
HOW ABOUT
"MOUTHFUL OF CLAMS" DAY?
EVERYONE WHO SHOWS UP
WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CLAMS
GETS A FREE DRINK.
HUH? HUH?
WELL, UH... I WAS THINKING
MORE ALONG THE LINES
OF LIVE ENTERTAINMENT.
THAT'S IT-- A FLOOR SHOW!
NO, WAIT,
A TALENT SHOW
WITH YOUR HOST-- ME!
OH, THIS IS
THE MOMENT I'VE...
I MEAN, WE'VE
BEEN DREAMING OF.
THINK OF IT,
MR. KRABS
YOU WILL BE
RESPONSIBLE FOR
BRINGING CULTURE
INTO THIS
CULTURAL WASTELAND
WE CALL
BIKINI BOTTOM.
( quietly ):
AND NOT TO MENTION
THE MONEY.
THE MONEY?
AND I CAN SEE IT NOW.
YOUR DAUGHTER, PEARL--
HER NAME UP IN LIGHTS.
LITTLE PEARLIE-- A STAR?
HOPPING CLAMS!
A TALENT SHOW!
I'M TALENTED!
I'D BETTER CALL THE FOLKS.
SQUIDWARD,
YOU'VE GOT A DEAL.
MAKE MY LITTLE GIRL
A STAR.
HEY, SQUIDWARD, WHAT
TIME AM I GOING ON?
GOING ON WHAT?
THE SHOW!
WHEN AM I GOING ON THE SHOW?
I HAVE A GREAT ACT.
WHAT TALENT COULD
YOU POSSIBLY POSSESS?
( blowing )
( shoes tapping )
TA-DAH!
( yawns )
NO ONE, NOT EVEN YOUR PARENTS,
WOULD WANT TO SEE THAT.
WHAT THE PEOPLE WANT IS CULTURE,
NOT DANCING BUBBLES.
OKAY, I GET IT.
DON'T WORRY, SQUIDWARD.
I'M GOING TO COME UP WITH
THE MOST CULTURED ACT EVER!
( sarcastically ):
I CAN HARDLY WAIT.
PHEW! THE ONLY CULTURE THAT GUY
HAS IS IN HIS TENNIS SHOES.
HA, HA! TENNIS SHOES-- HA, HA!
I CRACK MYSELF UP.
WE ARE LIVE
AT THE KRUSTY KRAB TALENT SHOW
FEATURING THE
FINEST TALENT...
WOW! A FULL HOUSE.
( gasps ):
THERE'S MOM AND DAD.
THEY ARE GOING
TO BE SO PROUD!
HELLO, I'M MR. KRABS,
AND I LIKE MONEY.
I GOT TO GET READY.
Squidward:
LISTEN UP, PEOPLE
LISTEN UP.
GATHER AROUND, EVERYONE.
NOW, YOU MAY BE THINKING
THIS IS YOUR ONE SHOT
AT THE BIG TIME.
WELL, IT'S NOT.
IT'S MINE.
HEY, SQUID,
HOW ABOUT THIS
FOR THE SHOW?
THE AMAZING MR. ABSORBENCY!
( sucking water )
WHOA!
TA-DAH!
TA-DAH!
NO ONE IS GOING
TO WANT TO SEE YOU
ENGORGE YOURSELF.
PLEASE, SQUIDWARD,
LET ME BE IN THE SHOW.
I'LL DO ANYTHING,
ANYTHING, ANYTHING!
SO, YOU REALLY WANT
TO BE IN THE SHOW?
OH, YES!
OKAY, YOU GET TO
MOP UP AFTERWARDS.
NOW, WILL YOU STOP
BUGGING ME?
SO, THIS IS WHAT
IT FEELS LIKE-- THE BIG TIME.
WITH THIS MOP,
I SHAPE MY DESTINY!
( applause )
( clears throat )
GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME
TO THE FIRST ANNUAL
SQUIDWARD TENTACLES TALENT SHOW
SPONSORED BY THE KRUSTY KRAB
HOME OF THE KRABBY PATTY
BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE
WOULD GIVE IT A HOME.
( rimshot; Patrick guffawing )
( laughing )
UH... THANK YOU.
OUR NEXT ACT IS LIVING PROOF
THAT NEPOTISM IS ALIVE AND WELL.
( laughing uproariously )
NEPOTI...
( laughing )
HA... THANK YOU.
PUT YOUR FINS TOGETHER FOR...
( laughing )
PUT YOUR...
( Patrick laughing )
PUT...
( Patrick laughing )
PEARL!
HOORAY!
MY LITTLE GIRL IS
FINALLY A STAR!
GIVE ME A K-R-U...
( Pearl pounds floor,
audience cries out )
GIVE ME A S-T-Y...
( crying out )
KRUSTY KRAB!
( crying out )
KRUSTY KRAB!
( crying out )
KRUSTY KRAB!!
NOW, THAT'S
TALENT!
( loud crash )
THANK YOU!
MY LEGS!
( audience groaning )
THANK YOU!
( giggling ):
THANK YOU.
( yelps )
HEY, SQUIDWARD, LISTEN,
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
WHEN I MOP
SHOULD I GO FORWARD
AND BACK?
NO, NO, WAIT--
SIDE TO SIDE.
( crash )
AND NOW, POETRY...
BY... GARY.
( clears throat )
( meowing )
( sighs dreamily )
HE HAS SUCH A WAY
WITH WORDS.
( meowing slowly )
COME ON, COME ON, GINSBERG.
IF HE DOESN'T HURRY IT UP
WE'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE ENOUGH
TIME FOR THE BEST ACT-- ME!
SQUIDWARD, SHOULD I USE
MR. CLEANSER OR DR. CLEAN?
YES.
( applause )
I, THE AMAZING PLANKTON
WITH THE USE OF PRESTIDIGITATION
WILL MAKE A KRABBY PATTY
DISAPPEAR BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES.
FIRST, I'LL NEED A VOLUNTEER
FROM THE AUDIENCE.
NICE TRY.
YOUR ACT'S OVER, BUB.
YOU MAY WIN THIS TIME.
SHEE-AH KAZING!
WELL, THIS STINKS.
( audience booing )
Audience:
GET OUT! GET OFF THE STAGE!
SQUIDWARD!
THIS SHOW IS A DISASTER!
YOU'RE RUINING ME!
NOW, NOW, DON'T YOU
WORRY, MR. KRABS.
I'VE SAVED THE BEST
FOR LAST-- YOU'LL SEE.
FOR YOUR SAKE,
I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.
Squidward:
AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
THE MOMENT YOU'VE
ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.
WE'VE SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST.
PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER
FOR THE INCOMPARABLE SQUIDWARD!
( applause, horns playing
dramatic fanfare )
( light orchestral melody
playing, bird chirping,
Squidward spurts rhythmically)
( hard-driving
synthesized music playing,
Squidward gurgling )
WHAT THE...?
( babbling rhythmically )
( audience booing )
I'M LOSING MONEY ON THIS DEAL.
IT'S WORTH EVERY PENNY.
( booing )
YOU BOTTOM FEEDERS!
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW TALENT!
Audience ( chanting ):
NO TALENT! NO TALENT!
NO TALENT! NO TALENT!
HEY, SQUIDWARD,
CAN I GO ON NOW?
YEAH, SHOW'S OVER.
( booing continues )
( booing stops )
HEY, YEAH!
THAT'S REALLY
NOT TOO BAD.
I LIKE THAT.
ALL RIGHT!
( cheering and applause )
( cheering and applause stops )
( loud cheering and applause )
THEY WANT AN ENCORE.
STAND ASIDE, SPONGEBOB.
( loud cheering )
( cheering stops )
( groaning )
( loud cheering and applause )
( cheering stops )
( cheering )
( cheering stops )
( cheering )
( cheering stops )
( cheering )
( cheering stops )
( cheering )
YOU DID IT,
SQUIDWARD!
WHAT A GREAT SHOW!
OH, MY SON'S
A STAR.
WHO EVER KNEW
HE HAD SUCH TALENT?
I'LL BE NEEDING
ANOTHER WHEELBARROW
FOR NEXT WEEK'S SHOW!
( groans )
( cheering )
( camera shutters clicking )
Narrator ( in French accent ):
AH, THE KRUSTY KRAB--
EVERYONE ENJOYING
THEIR KRABBY PATTIES.
( screaming )
HUH?! WHAT'S THIS?
( screaming continues )
CAN YOU SPOT HER, MR. SQUIDWARD?
DOWN THERE, SIR!
THERE APPEARS TO BE A KRABBY
PATTY-NAPPING IN PROGRESS.
THERE CAN BE
ONLY ONE CULPRIT...
PLANKTON!
Plankton:
FINALLY, VICTORY IS MINE.
I WIN, I WIN!
I WIN!
( laughing )
HE GOT AWAY, SIR.
NO!
HE'S FINALLY STOLEN
ME SECRET RECIPE.
PERHAPS NOT, MONSIEUR KRABS,
FOR IT'S...
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
AHA!
HEY!
OKAY, THAT'S
FAR ENOUGH.
HUH?
TARTAR SAUCE!
YEE-HAW!
HAVE YOU SEEN
A KRABBY PATTY?
IT'S ABOUT
THIS TALL, AND...
WOW, A MAGIC SHOP.
ARE YOU A MAGICIAN?
ONE TIME
I SAW THIS MAGICIAN
AND HE DID
THIS THING, AND...
ANYWAY, AND
THEN HE TOLD US
"IF YOU BELIEVE
IN YOURSELF
"AND WITH A TINY
PINCH OF MAGIC
ALL YOUR DREAMS
CAN COME TRUE."
( screams )
I CAN'T TAKE IT!
PLANKTON, IT'S YOU!
YES, AND AFTER ALL THESE YEARS
I THOUGHT I WAS
THE MASTER OF TORTURE.
BUT THAT... THAT
JUST WASN'T FAIR.
HERE!
TAKE THE STUPID PATTY.
I DON'T WANT
THE SECRET RECIPE ANYWAY.
I GUESS MY RESTAURANT WILL NEVER
BE AS GOOD AS THE KRUSTY KRAB.
( crying ):
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT
IT'S LIKE TO BE A LOSER.
( sobbing )
AW... CHEER UP,
PLANKTON.
I THINK
YOU'RE A WINNER.
WHAT... WHAT DID YOU SAY?
I SAID YOU'RE A...
Others:
LOSER!
HOW DOES IT FEEL
TO BE THE MOST
HATED THING
IN BIKINI BOTTOM,
PLANKTON?
IT HURTS,
DOESN'T IT?
I KNOW.
YEAH, AND FOR
RUNNING YOU OUT
WE'RE GOING
TO MAKE THIS KID
HONORARY TOWN ROOKIE
OF THE DAY.
♪ FOR HE'S
A JOLLY GOOD ROOKIE ♪
♪ FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD ROOKIE ♪
♪ FOR HE'S
A JOLLY GOOD ROOKIE... ♪
SpongeBob:
I BET IF HE HAD JUST ONE FRIEND
HE WOULDN'T BE SUCH A MEANIE.
( cheering )
♪ WHICH NOBODY... ♪ WHATEVER.
( knock at door )
A CUSTOMER?
OUR SPECIAL TODAY
IS CHUM... BALAYA.
HI, MR. PLANKTON.
HAVEN'T YOU DEGRADED ME
ENOUGH FOR ONE DAY?
NO.
I MEAN...
I WANT YOU
TO COME OUT
AND PLAY WITH ME.
WHA...?
PLAY... WITH... ME...
YOU KNOW HOW TO INDUCE
THERMONUCLEAR FUSION?
NO, BUT I LIKE TO GO...
THAT NAIVE CUBE!
HOW LONG MUST I SUFFER THIS?
Computer:
You're not letting him leave,
are you?
Can't you see?
This is the perfect
opportunity for revenge.
ELABORATE.
Befriend the sponge bath
then, when the time is just
right, take the Krabby Patty!
TAKE... THE KRABBY PATTY.
Get moving, genius,
don't let him get away!
...WITH MY FRIENDS
IN JELLYFISH FIELDS.
ALL RIGHT, SPONGEBOB,
I'LL PLAY YOUR LITTLE GAME.
RIGHT!
LAST ONE TO THE FIELDS
IS A ROTTEN CLAM!
SO, I GET THE BIG NET
AND YOU GET
THE LITTLE NET.
WHAT HAPPENS AFTER WE EAT THEM?
YOU DON'T EAT THEM,
YOU CATCH THEM, LIKE THIS.
♪ LA, LA, LA, LA-LA,
LA, LA, LA, LA-LA. ♪
LIKE THAT.
AND?
THEN YOU
THROW THEM BACK--
WATCH OUT FOR STINGERS.
STINGERS?
( screaming )
ALL KNEES WILL BOW TO PLANKTON.
HAIL, PLANKTON!
I WIN, I WIN!
IT'S NOT ABOUT WINNING,
IT'S ABOUT FUN.
WHAT'S THAT?
FUN IS WHEN YOU...
FUN IS...
IT'S LIKE...
IT'S KIND OF...
SORT OF LIKE A...
WHAT IS FUN?
LET ME SPELL IT FOR YOU:
♪ "F" IS FOR FRIENDS
WHO DO STUFF TOGETHER ♪
♪ "U" IS FOR YOU AND ME ♪
♪ "N" IS FOR ANYWHERE
AND ANYTIME AT ALL ♪
All:
♪ DOWN HERE
IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA. ♪
♪ "F" IS FIRE THAT
BURNS DOWN THE WHOLE TOWN. ♪
♪ "U" IS FOR
URANIUM... BOMBS ♪
♪ "N" IS FOR NO SURVIVORS
WHEN YOU... ♪
PLANKTON, THOSE THINGS
AREN'T WHAT FUN
IS ALL ABOUT.
NOW, DO IT LIKE THIS:
♪ "F" IS FOR FRIENDS WHO... ♪
NEVER!
THAT'S COMPLETELY IDIOTIC.
HERE, LET ME
HELP YOU.
♪ "F" IS FOR FRIENDS
WHO DO STUFF TOGETHER ♪
♪ "U" IS FOR
YOU AND ME... ♪
TRY IT!
♪ "N" IS FOR ANYWHERE
AND ANYTIME AT ALL ♪
♪ DOWN HERE
IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA. ♪
WAIT, I DON'T
UNDERSTAND THIS--
I FEEL ALL TINGLY INSIDE.
SHOULD WE STOP?
NO, THAT'S HOW YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO FEEL.
WELL, I LIKE IT--
LET'S DO IT AGAIN!
SpongeBob:
OKAY!
Both:
♪ "F" IS FOR FROLIC
THROUGH ALL THE FLOWERS ♪
♪ "U" IS FOR UKULELE ♪
♪ "N" IS FOR NOSE PICKING,
SHARING GUM AND SAND LICKING ♪
♪ HERE WITH MY BEST BUDDY. ♪
( both laughing in time
with music )
ARGH... MUTINY.
Plankton:
AND AFTER THAT
WE FROLICKED THROUGH THE FLOWERS
AND THEN WE...
Sounds like fun.
THE REALLY FUN PART
WAS WHEN WE...
Where's the Krabby Patty?
UH, THE WHAT?
The Krabby Patty, remember?
YOU CAN'T RUSH
THESE THINGS, YOU KNOW.
Remember the mission.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
You're going native.
Look at yourself.
WHAT?
I HAVEN'T SEEN PLANKTON
FOR A WHILE.
HE MUST BE SCHEMING.
WHO KNOWS? MAYBE HE'S CHANGED.
WHO KNOWS?
I THINK YOU KNOW!
HE'S CHANGED, I TELL YOU.
SPONGE BUDDY?
YOO-HOO!
PLANKTON BUDDY, LET'S GO.
I FORGOT THIS IS
A NO-FRIENDS ZONE.
SPONGEBOB...
MAY I SPEAK
TO YOU IN PRIVATE?
YOU WON'T MIND IF I SET
THIS HERE, WILL YOU?
WHAT'S THIS ALL
ABOUT, MR. KRABS?
HE'S A THIEF--
LOOK AT THE LUST
IN HIS EYE, HE'S...
WHY CAN'T YOU
JUST ACCEPT OUR
FRIENDSHIP?
HE'S JUST AFTER ME RECIPE.
I'LL PROVE IT TO YOU.
ARGH, YOU MUST
BE HUNGRY
AFTER THAT LONG
WALK OVER HERE.
OH, YES, BUT I'M SAVING
MY APPETITE
FOR SOME POPCORN AT THE MOVIES.
UH... SUIT YOURSELF.
WE'VE HAD ENOUGH
OF YOUR LITTLE TESTS,
MR. KRABS.
COME ON, PLANKTON,
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
MAYBE THE LAD
WAS RIGHT.
MAYBE PLANKTON'S GONE STRAIGHT.
AND MAYBE SCALLOPS
WILL FLY OUT OF MY PANTS!
HANG ON THERE, LADDIE,
I'M A-COMIN'!
( movie soundtrack playing )
( squishing )
I SURE LIKE
SEQUELS, PLANKTON.
HEY, BUBBLE BASS,
YOU'RE SITTING ON MY FRIEND.
( squishing )
HEY, BUBBLE BASS...
THANKS FOR THAT,
FRIEND.
SURE THING.
Krabs:
LISTEN UP!
MR. KRABS?
HE'S DECEIVING YOU!
REACH INTO HIS POCKET NOW
AND TAKE WHAT HE'S GOT!
YOU, TOO, BOY!
( gasps )
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.
WHAT IS IT, THEN?
TELL ME WHAT
YOU SEE HERE.
I... I DON'T
SEE ANYTHING.
( sobbing ):
HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE IT?
OKAY, OKAY, I SEE IT.
IT'S A KRABBY PATTY, OKAY?
I COULDN'T HELP IT.
BUT WE SANG
THE FUN SONG.
I THINK I'M GOING
TO BE SICK.
HOW LONG?
HOW LONG WHAT?
HOW LONG WERE YOU
PLANNING ON DOING THIS?!
TELL ME!
( crying )
WHAT?!
ALL RIGHT, IT'S TRUE!
I TRICKED YOU
TO GET THE KRABBY PATTY!
BUT THEN YOU SHOWED ME
FRIENDSHIP...
AND NOW I REALIZE...
THAT'S ALL I EVER
REALLY WANTED.
REALLY?
NO, NOT REALLY.
BEING EVIL IS TOO MUCH FUN!
Oh, darling, I knew
nothing would ever
tear us apart.
( ripping )
MR. KRABS, HE'S GONE.
HE GOT THE PATTY.
HE WON.
HO-HO, NO,
HE DIDN'T, BOY!
DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT'S
BEHIND THESE SCREENS?
SOLID CONCRETE!
( laughing )
( groaning )
I'M SORRY,
MR. KRABS
I THOUGHT PLANKTON
HAD CHANGED.
DON'T BLAME HIM, LAD.
NO FRIENDSHIP
CAN WITHSTAND
THE ALLURE OF
A KRABBY PATTY.
NOW, LET'S GO BACK
TO THE KRUSTY KRAB
AND HAVE A FRESH ONE,
ON ME!
AYE, AYE, MR. KRABS.
WELL, MAYBE
AT A DISCOUNT.
HUH?
( screaming )
[Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
and NICKELODEON]
[Captioned by
The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation]
Kids:
AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
( louder ):
AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
♪ OH... ♪
♪ WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE
UNDER THE SEA? ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ ABSORBENT AND YELLOW
AND POROUS IS HE. ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE
SOMETHING YOU WISH... ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ THEN DROP ON THE DECK
AND FLOP LIKE A FISH. ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ READY?
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
( laughs heartily )
[Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
( plays airy tune )
and NICKELODEON]
( sighs dreamily )
( gasps )
( grunting )
( gasps )
( grunting )
HMM.
HMM...
I JUST DON'T GET IT.
IF A FREE SALAD BAR DOESN'T
BRING IN CUSTOMERS
WHAT WILL?!
( humming tune )
Krabs:
SQUIDWARD!
UH, UH, YES, SIR?
THERE'S GOING TO BE
SOME CHANGES AROUND HERE.
( gasps )
A CUSTOMER!
WELCOME TO THE KRUSTY KRAB!
SPONGEBOB, CATER
TO HIS EVERY WHIM
AND DON'T SCREW
THIS ONE UP.
AYE, AYE, SIR!
WELCOME ABOARD,
SIR.
HERE AT THE KRUSTY KRAB,
YOU ARE THE CAPTAIN
AND I AM YOUR CABIN BOY.
YOU JUST SAY THE WORD
AND I WILL THROW
MYSELF IN THE BRIG.
MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?
ALL I WANTED WAS CHANGE
FOR THE PAY PHONE.
AYE, AYE, SIR!
"MONSIEUR'S CHANGEZ."
THANKS.
( laughs nervously )
HERE YOU GO.
( sniffs )
( cash register rings )
YEAH!
( penny clinks )
AS YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED,
PROFITS ARE WAY DOWN THIS MONTH.
WE NEED A GIMMICK
TO BRING IN CUSTOMERS.
DO YOU LUBBERS HAVE ANY IDEAS?
I'VE GOT ONE-- A FREE PAIR
OF SOCKS WITH EVERY PURCHASE.
UH-UH.
OR MAYBE DOUBLE-PATTY
MIDNIGHT MADNESS!
OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH!
I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW!
HOW ABOUT
"MOUTHFUL OF CLAMS" DAY?
EVERYONE WHO SHOWS UP
WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CLAMS
GETS A FREE DRINK.
HUH? HUH?
WELL, UH... I WAS THINKING
MORE ALONG THE LINES
OF LIVE ENTERTAINMENT.
THAT'S IT-- A FLOOR SHOW!
NO, WAIT,
A TALENT SHOW
WITH YOUR HOST-- ME!
OH, THIS IS
THE MOMENT I'VE...
I MEAN, WE'VE
BEEN DREAMING OF.
THINK OF IT,
MR. KRABS
YOU WILL BE
RESPONSIBLE FOR
BRINGING CULTURE
INTO THIS
CULTURAL WASTELAND
WE CALL
BIKINI BOTTOM.
( quietly ):
AND NOT TO MENTION
THE MONEY.
THE MONEY?
AND I CAN SEE IT NOW.
YOUR DAUGHTER, PEARL--
HER NAME UP IN LIGHTS.
LITTLE PEARLIE-- A STAR?
HOPPING CLAMS!
A TALENT SHOW!
I'M TALENTED!
I'D BETTER CALL THE FOLKS.
SQUIDWARD,
YOU'VE GOT A DEAL.
MAKE MY LITTLE GIRL
A STAR.
HEY, SQUIDWARD, WHAT
TIME AM I GOING ON?
GOING ON WHAT?
THE SHOW!
WHEN AM I GOING ON THE SHOW?
I HAVE A GREAT ACT.
WHAT TALENT COULD
YOU POSSIBLY POSSESS?
( blowing )
( shoes tapping )
TA-DAH!
( yawns )
NO ONE, NOT EVEN YOUR PARENTS,
WOULD WANT TO SEE THAT.
WHAT THE PEOPLE WANT IS CULTURE,
NOT DANCING BUBBLES.
OKAY, I GET IT.
DON'T WORRY, SQUIDWARD.
I'M GOING TO COME UP WITH
THE MOST CULTURED ACT EVER!
( sarcastically ):
I CAN HARDLY WAIT.
PHEW! THE ONLY CULTURE THAT GUY
HAS IS IN HIS TENNIS SHOES.
HA, HA! TENNIS SHOES-- HA, HA!
I CRACK MYSELF UP.
WE ARE LIVE
AT THE KRUSTY KRAB TALENT SHOW
FEATURING THE
FINEST TALENT...
WOW! A FULL HOUSE.
( gasps ):
THERE'S MOM AND DAD.
THEY ARE GOING
TO BE SO PROUD!
HELLO, I'M MR. KRABS,
AND I LIKE MONEY.
I GOT TO GET READY.
Squidward:
LISTEN UP, PEOPLE
LISTEN UP.
GATHER AROUND, EVERYONE.
NOW, YOU MAY BE THINKING
THIS IS YOUR ONE SHOT
AT THE BIG TIME.
WELL, IT'S NOT.
IT'S MINE.
HEY, SQUID,
HOW ABOUT THIS
FOR THE SHOW?
THE AMAZING MR. ABSORBENCY!
( sucking water )
WHOA!
TA-DAH!
TA-DAH!
NO ONE IS GOING
TO WANT TO SEE YOU
ENGORGE YOURSELF.
PLEASE, SQUIDWARD,
LET ME BE IN THE SHOW.
I'LL DO ANYTHING,
ANYTHING, ANYTHING!
SO, YOU REALLY WANT
TO BE IN THE SHOW?
OH, YES!
OKAY, YOU GET TO
MOP UP AFTERWARDS.
NOW, WILL YOU STOP
BUGGING ME?
SO, THIS IS WHAT
IT FEELS LIKE-- THE BIG TIME.
WITH THIS MOP,
I SHAPE MY DESTINY!
( applause )
( clears throat )
GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME
TO THE FIRST ANNUAL
SQUIDWARD TENTACLES TALENT SHOW
SPONSORED BY THE KRUSTY KRAB
HOME OF THE KRABBY PATTY
BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE
WOULD GIVE IT A HOME.
( rimshot; Patrick guffawing )
( laughing )
UH... THANK YOU.
OUR NEXT ACT IS LIVING PROOF
THAT NEPOTISM IS ALIVE AND WELL.
( laughing uproariously )
NEPOTI...
( laughing )
HA... THANK YOU.
PUT YOUR FINS TOGETHER FOR...
( laughing )
PUT YOUR...
( Patrick laughing )
PUT...
( Patrick laughing )
PEARL!
HOORAY!
MY LITTLE GIRL IS
FINALLY A STAR!
GIVE ME A K-R-U...
( Pearl pounds floor,
audience cries out )
GIVE ME A S-T-Y...
( crying out )
KRUSTY KRAB!
( crying out )
KRUSTY KRAB!
( crying out )
KRUSTY KRAB!!
NOW, THAT'S
TALENT!
( loud crash )
THANK YOU!
MY LEGS!
( audience groaning )
THANK YOU!
( giggling ):
THANK YOU.
( yelps )
HEY, SQUIDWARD, LISTEN,
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
WHEN I MOP
SHOULD I GO FORWARD
AND BACK?
NO, NO, WAIT--
SIDE TO SIDE.
( crash )
AND NOW, POETRY...
BY... GARY.
( clears throat )
( meowing )
( sighs dreamily )
HE HAS SUCH A WAY
WITH WORDS.
( meowing slowly )
COME ON, COME ON, GINSBERG.
IF HE DOESN'T HURRY IT UP
WE'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE ENOUGH
TIME FOR THE BEST ACT-- ME!
SQUIDWARD, SHOULD I USE
MR. CLEANSER OR DR. CLEAN?
YES.
( applause )
I, THE AMAZING PLANKTON
WITH THE USE OF PRESTIDIGITATION
WILL MAKE A KRABBY PATTY
DISAPPEAR BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES.
FIRST, I'LL NEED A VOLUNTEER
FROM THE AUDIENCE.
NICE TRY.
YOUR ACT'S OVER, BUB.
YOU MAY WIN THIS TIME.
SHEE-AH KAZING!
WELL, THIS STINKS.
( audience booing )
Audience:
GET OUT! GET OFF THE STAGE!
SQUIDWARD!
THIS SHOW IS A DISASTER!
YOU'RE RUINING ME!
NOW, NOW, DON'T YOU
WORRY, MR. KRABS.
I'VE SAVED THE BEST
FOR LAST-- YOU'LL SEE.
FOR YOUR SAKE,
I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.
Squidward:
AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
THE MOMENT YOU'VE
ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.
WE'VE SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST.
PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER
FOR THE INCOMPARABLE SQUIDWARD!
( applause, horns playing
dramatic fanfare )
( light orchestral melody
playing, bird chirping,
Squidward spurts rhythmically)
( hard-driving
synthesized music playing,
Squidward gurgling )
WHAT THE...?
( babbling rhythmically )
( audience booing )
I'M LOSING MONEY ON THIS DEAL.
IT'S WORTH EVERY PENNY.
( booing )
YOU BOTTOM FEEDERS!
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW TALENT!
Audience ( chanting ):
NO TALENT! NO TALENT!
NO TALENT! NO TALENT!
HEY, SQUIDWARD,
CAN I GO ON NOW?
YEAH, SHOW'S OVER.
( booing continues )
( booing stops )
HEY, YEAH!
THAT'S REALLY
NOT TOO BAD.
I LIKE THAT.
ALL RIGHT!
( cheering and applause )
( cheering and applause stops )
( loud cheering and applause )
THEY WANT AN ENCORE.
STAND ASIDE, SPONGEBOB.
( loud cheering )
( cheering stops )
( groaning )
( loud cheering and applause )
( cheering stops )
( cheering )
( cheering stops )
( cheering )
( cheering stops )
( cheering )
( cheering stops )
( cheering )
YOU DID IT,
SQUIDWARD!
WHAT A GREAT SHOW!
OH, MY SON'S
A STAR.
WHO EVER KNEW
HE HAD SUCH TALENT?
I'LL BE NEEDING
ANOTHER WHEELBARROW
FOR NEXT WEEK'S SHOW!
( groans )
( cheering )
( camera shutters clicking )
Narrator ( in French accent ):
AH, THE KRUSTY KRAB--
EVERYONE ENJOYING
THEIR KRABBY PATTIES.
( screaming )
HUH?! WHAT'S THIS?
( screaming continues )
CAN YOU SPOT HER, MR. SQUIDWARD?
DOWN THERE, SIR!
THERE APPEARS TO BE A KRABBY
PATTY-NAPPING IN PROGRESS.
THERE CAN BE
ONLY ONE CULPRIT...
PLANKTON!
Plankton:
FINALLY, VICTORY IS MINE.
I WIN, I WIN!
I WIN!
( laughing )
HE GOT AWAY, SIR.
NO!
HE'S FINALLY STOLEN
ME SECRET RECIPE.
PERHAPS NOT, MONSIEUR KRABS,
FOR IT'S...
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
AHA!
HEY!
OKAY, THAT'S
FAR ENOUGH.
HUH?
TARTAR SAUCE!
YEE-HAW!
HAVE YOU SEEN
A KRABBY PATTY?
IT'S ABOUT
THIS TALL, AND...
WOW, A MAGIC SHOP.
ARE YOU A MAGICIAN?
ONE TIME
I SAW THIS MAGICIAN
AND HE DID
THIS THING, AND...
ANYWAY, AND
THEN HE TOLD US
"IF YOU BELIEVE
IN YOURSELF
"AND WITH A TINY
PINCH OF MAGIC
ALL YOUR DREAMS
CAN COME TRUE."
( screams )
I CAN'T TAKE IT!
PLANKTON, IT'S YOU!
YES, AND AFTER ALL THESE YEARS
I THOUGHT I WAS
THE MASTER OF TORTURE.
BUT THAT... THAT
JUST WASN'T FAIR.
HERE!
TAKE THE STUPID PATTY.
I DON'T WANT
THE SECRET RECIPE ANYWAY.
I GUESS MY RESTAURANT WILL NEVER
BE AS GOOD AS THE KRUSTY KRAB.
( crying ):
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT
IT'S LIKE TO BE A LOSER.
( sobbing )
AW... CHEER UP,
PLANKTON.
I THINK
YOU'RE A WINNER.
WHAT... WHAT DID YOU SAY?
I SAID YOU'RE A...
Others:
LOSER!
HOW DOES IT FEEL
TO BE THE MOST
HATED THING
IN BIKINI BOTTOM,
PLANKTON?
IT HURTS,
DOESN'T IT?
I KNOW.
YEAH, AND FOR
RUNNING YOU OUT
WE'RE GOING
TO MAKE THIS KID
HONORARY TOWN ROOKIE
OF THE DAY.
♪ FOR HE'S
A JOLLY GOOD ROOKIE ♪
♪ FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD ROOKIE ♪
♪ FOR HE'S
A JOLLY GOOD ROOKIE... ♪
SpongeBob:
I BET IF HE HAD JUST ONE FRIEND
HE WOULDN'T BE SUCH A MEANIE.
( cheering )
♪ WHICH NOBODY... ♪ WHATEVER.
( knock at door )
A CUSTOMER?
OUR SPECIAL TODAY
IS CHUM... BALAYA.
HI, MR. PLANKTON.
HAVEN'T YOU DEGRADED ME
ENOUGH FOR ONE DAY?
NO.
I MEAN...
I WANT YOU
TO COME OUT
AND PLAY WITH ME.
WHA...?
PLAY... WITH... ME...
YOU KNOW HOW TO INDUCE
THERMONUCLEAR FUSION?
NO, BUT I LIKE TO GO...
THAT NAIVE CUBE!
HOW LONG MUST I SUFFER THIS?
Computer:
You're not letting him leave,
are you?
Can't you see?
This is the perfect
opportunity for revenge.
ELABORATE.
Befriend the sponge bath
then, when the time is just
right, take the Krabby Patty!
TAKE... THE KRABBY PATTY.
Get moving, genius,
don't let him get away!
...WITH MY FRIENDS
IN JELLYFISH FIELDS.
ALL RIGHT, SPONGEBOB,
I'LL PLAY YOUR LITTLE GAME.
RIGHT!
LAST ONE TO THE FIELDS
IS A ROTTEN CLAM!
SO, I GET THE BIG NET
AND YOU GET
THE LITTLE NET.
WHAT HAPPENS AFTER WE EAT THEM?
YOU DON'T EAT THEM,
YOU CATCH THEM, LIKE THIS.
♪ LA, LA, LA, LA-LA,
LA, LA, LA, LA-LA. ♪
LIKE THAT.
AND?
THEN YOU
THROW THEM BACK--
WATCH OUT FOR STINGERS.
STINGERS?
( screaming )
ALL KNEES WILL BOW TO PLANKTON.
HAIL, PLANKTON!
I WIN, I WIN!
IT'S NOT ABOUT WINNING,
IT'S ABOUT FUN.
WHAT'S THAT?
FUN IS WHEN YOU...
FUN IS...
IT'S LIKE...
IT'S KIND OF...
SORT OF LIKE A...
WHAT IS FUN?
LET ME SPELL IT FOR YOU:
♪ "F" IS FOR FRIENDS
WHO DO STUFF TOGETHER ♪
♪ "U" IS FOR YOU AND ME ♪
♪ "N" IS FOR ANYWHERE
AND ANYTIME AT ALL ♪
All:
♪ DOWN HERE
IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA. ♪
♪ "F" IS FIRE THAT
BURNS DOWN THE WHOLE TOWN. ♪
♪ "U" IS FOR
URANIUM... BOMBS ♪
♪ "N" IS FOR NO SURVIVORS
WHEN YOU... ♪
PLANKTON, THOSE THINGS
AREN'T WHAT FUN
IS ALL ABOUT.
NOW, DO IT LIKE THIS:
♪ "F" IS FOR FRIENDS WHO... ♪
NEVER!
THAT'S COMPLETELY IDIOTIC.
HERE, LET ME
HELP YOU.
♪ "F" IS FOR FRIENDS
WHO DO STUFF TOGETHER ♪
♪ "U" IS FOR
YOU AND ME... ♪
TRY IT!
♪ "N" IS FOR ANYWHERE
AND ANYTIME AT ALL ♪
♪ DOWN HERE
IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA. ♪
WAIT, I DON'T
UNDERSTAND THIS--
I FEEL ALL TINGLY INSIDE.
SHOULD WE STOP?
NO, THAT'S HOW YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO FEEL.
WELL, I LIKE IT--
LET'S DO IT AGAIN!
SpongeBob:
OKAY!
Both:
♪ "F" IS FOR FROLIC
THROUGH ALL THE FLOWERS ♪
♪ "U" IS FOR UKULELE ♪
♪ "N" IS FOR NOSE PICKING,
SHARING GUM AND SAND LICKING ♪
♪ HERE WITH MY BEST BUDDY. ♪
( both laughing in time
with music )
ARGH... MUTINY.
Plankton:
AND AFTER THAT
WE FROLICKED THROUGH THE FLOWERS
AND THEN WE...
Sounds like fun.
THE REALLY FUN PART
WAS WHEN WE...
Where's the Krabby Patty?
UH, THE WHAT?
The Krabby Patty, remember?
YOU CAN'T RUSH
THESE THINGS, YOU KNOW.
Remember the mission.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
You're going native.
Look at yourself.
WHAT?
I HAVEN'T SEEN PLANKTON
FOR A WHILE.
HE MUST BE SCHEMING.
WHO KNOWS? MAYBE HE'S CHANGED.
WHO KNOWS?
I THINK YOU KNOW!
HE'S CHANGED, I TELL YOU.
SPONGE BUDDY?
YOO-HOO!
PLANKTON BUDDY, LET'S GO.
I FORGOT THIS IS
A NO-FRIENDS ZONE.
SPONGEBOB...
MAY I SPEAK
TO YOU IN PRIVATE?
YOU WON'T MIND IF I SET
THIS HERE, WILL YOU?
WHAT'S THIS ALL
ABOUT, MR. KRABS?
HE'S A THIEF--
LOOK AT THE LUST
IN HIS EYE, HE'S...
WHY CAN'T YOU
JUST ACCEPT OUR
FRIENDSHIP?
HE'S JUST AFTER ME RECIPE.
I'LL PROVE IT TO YOU.
ARGH, YOU MUST
BE HUNGRY
AFTER THAT LONG
WALK OVER HERE.
OH, YES, BUT I'M SAVING
MY APPETITE
FOR SOME POPCORN AT THE MOVIES.
UH... SUIT YOURSELF.
WE'VE HAD ENOUGH
OF YOUR LITTLE TESTS,
MR. KRABS.
COME ON, PLANKTON,
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
MAYBE THE LAD
WAS RIGHT.
MAYBE PLANKTON'S GONE STRAIGHT.
AND MAYBE SCALLOPS
WILL FLY OUT OF MY PANTS!
HANG ON THERE, LADDIE,
I'M A-COMIN'!
( movie soundtrack playing )
( squishing )
I SURE LIKE
SEQUELS, PLANKTON.
HEY, BUBBLE BASS,
YOU'RE SITTING ON MY FRIEND.
( squishing )
HEY, BUBBLE BASS...
THANKS FOR THAT,
FRIEND.
SURE THING.
Krabs:
LISTEN UP!
MR. KRABS?
HE'S DECEIVING YOU!
REACH INTO HIS POCKET NOW
AND TAKE WHAT HE'S GOT!
YOU, TOO, BOY!
( gasps )
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.
WHAT IS IT, THEN?
TELL ME WHAT
YOU SEE HERE.
I... I DON'T
SEE ANYTHING.
( sobbing ):
HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE IT?
OKAY, OKAY, I SEE IT.
IT'S A KRABBY PATTY, OKAY?
I COULDN'T HELP IT.
BUT WE SANG
THE FUN SONG.
I THINK I'M GOING
TO BE SICK.
HOW LONG?
HOW LONG WHAT?
HOW LONG WERE YOU
PLANNING ON DOING THIS?!
TELL ME!
( crying )
WHAT?!
ALL RIGHT, IT'S TRUE!
I TRICKED YOU
TO GET THE KRABBY PATTY!
BUT THEN YOU SHOWED ME
FRIENDSHIP...
AND NOW I REALIZE...
THAT'S ALL I EVER
REALLY WANTED.
REALLY?
NO, NOT REALLY.
BEING EVIL IS TOO MUCH FUN!
Oh, darling, I knew
nothing would ever
tear us apart.
( ripping )
MR. KRABS, HE'S GONE.
HE GOT THE PATTY.
HE WON.
HO-HO, NO,
HE DIDN'T, BOY!
DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT'S
BEHIND THESE SCREENS?
SOLID CONCRETE!
( laughing )
( groaning )
I'M SORRY,
MR. KRABS
I THOUGHT PLANKTON
HAD CHANGED.
DON'T BLAME HIM, LAD.
NO FRIENDSHIP
CAN WITHSTAND
THE ALLURE OF
A KRABBY PATTY.
NOW, LET'S GO BACK
TO THE KRUSTY KRAB
AND HAVE A FRESH ONE,
ON ME!
AYE, AYE, MR. KRABS.
WELL, MAYBE
AT A DISCOUNT.
HUH?
( screaming )
[Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
and NICKELODEON]
[Captioned by
The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation]