SpongeBob SquarePants (1999–…): Season 1, Episode 9 - Nature Pants/Opposite Day - full transcript
Nature Pants: After suffering through some unusually rough days at work, SpongeBob decides to leave his industrialized life and "live off the land" with the jellyfish in JellyFish Fields. A rough day on the job, however, is nothing compared to a rough day of trying survive in nature amongst the jellyfish. SpongeBob is forced endure cold nights, bad food, and being pursued by the jellyfishing Patrick! Opposite Day: Fed up with SpongeBob and Patrick, Squidward decides to sell his house and move. Worried no one will buy it if they see what their neighbors will be really like, Squidward fools them into thinking it's 'opposite day,' and they must do the opposite of their usual behavior. No such luck, however. With those two, the opposite of crazy is still crazy.
ARE YOU READY, KIDS?
Kids:
AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
( louder ):
AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
♪ OH... ♪
♪ WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE
UNDER THE SEA? ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ ABSORBENT AND YELLOW
AND POROUS IS HE. ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE
SOMETHING YOU WISH... ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ THEN DROP ON THE DECK
AND FLOP LIKE A FISH. ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ READY?
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
( laughs heartily )
[Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
( plays airy tune )
and NICKELODEON]
( sizzling )
( loud buzzing )
( all pop to life
and commence buzzing )
( pop )
( buzzing )
Krabs:
SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB!
WAKE UP, BOY!
YOU'RE BURNING
ME MONEY!
( alarm sounds,
SpongeBob yelps )
MR. KRABS, WHAT DO WE DO?
HERE, USE THIS.
( grunts )
( clang )
( flames whoosh )
( both whine in fear )
( blowing frantically )
( teeth chattering )
( imitating fire alarm )
( gurgling )
HOORAY!
HOORAY!
( steam whistling )
( sizzles )
SPONGEBOB, COME
INTO ME OFFICE.
WHAT'S WRONG, BOY?
WELL, I...
THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME
I'VE HAD TO SCRAPE YOU
OFF OF SOMETHING.
WELL, I'VE BEEN THINKING.
WE NEED TO GET YOU
THINKING ABOUT WORK.
NO OFFENSE, MR. KRABS,
BUT I'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT GIVING UP
MY COLD INDUSTRIAL LIFE
IN FAVOR OF
A MORE NATURAL
AND FREE LIFE
AMONG THE JELLYFISH.
( laughs heartily )
( laughter echoes )
AH... SPONGEBOB,
YOU WOULDN'T LAST
EVEN ONE DAY
IN THE WILD.
THIS IS YOUR
NATURAL HABITAT.
THIS IS YOUR
WIDE-OPEN RANGE.
THESE ARE
YOUR AMBER WAVES.
AND THIS... OH, THIS
IS YOUR GOLDEN SCEPTER
WITH WHICH YOU RULE!
THAT'S BETTER THAN NASTY OLD
JELLYFISH, RIGHT, SPONGEBOB?
SPONGEBOB?
OH, I CAN TOO
LAST MORE THAN ONE DAY.
I'LL SHOW HIM.
AW, BARNACLES!
SPONGEBOB, WAIT.
( screams )
OH, HE'LL BE BACK,
ALL RIGHT.
HE'LL BE BACK.
AND, SQUIDWARD
I WANT YOU TO HAVE
MY CAN OPENER.
AND I THOUGHT
THIS FRIENDSHIP
WOULD NEVER PAY OFF.
ARE... ARE... ARE...
ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT
TO GIVE ME THIS MAYONNAISE?
IT'S ALL YOURS.
AND THESE
OLD PHONE BOOKS?
ALL YOURS, OLD FRIEND.
PATRICK, THERE IS
ONE MORE THING
I WANT YOU TO HAVE.
( gasps )
( panting with excitement )
OL' RELIABLE?!
( sobs )
HOWDY, Y'ALL.
HEY, SPONGEBOB, YOU
HAVING A GARAGE SALE?
NO, SANDY, I'M GIVING UP
MY MATERIAL POSSESSIONS
TO LIVE IN THE WILD
WITH THE JELLYFISH.
SPONGEBOB, OF
ALL THE CRAZY SCHEMES
WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO LIVE
AMONG THE JELLYFISH?
THEY'RE COLD AND MEAN
AND NONE TOO BRIGHT.
OH, SANDY, THAT'S EXACTLY
THE RESPONSE I WOULD EXPECT
FROM SOMEONE WHO LIVES
THE SHAM OF A LIFE
I ONCE LIVED.
I'LL PROVE I DON'T NEED
THIS STUFF TO BE HAPPY.
MAYBE SOMEDAY YOU'LL
WISE UP AND JOIN ME.
GOOD-BYE.
( pop )
I WON'T BE NEEDING THESE.
BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ...
HE TOOK OFF
HIS PANTS.
I'LL GIVE HIM
A WEEK.
I'LL GIVE HIM
11 MINUTES.
PATRICK SAD!
I'M HOME.
I'M HOME! I'M HOME!
I'M HOME, I'M HOME, I'M HOME,
I'M HOME, I'M HOME, I'M HOME
I'M HOME, I'M HOME!
( sudden buzzing )
BROTHERS AND SISTERS,
WAIT FOR ME.
( buzzing )
BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ.
OKAY, I'M HERE.
WAIT, I JUST GOT HERE.
MY JELLYFISH INSTINCTS
TELL ME TO GO...
( slurps )
( pops )
THAT WAY.
♪ BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ,
BUZZ, BUZZ... ♪
( jellyfish buzzing )
( chomping )
( gags )
MMM, THIS IS THE LIFE.
HEY, EVERYBODY,
BUZZ, BUZZ.
BUZZ TO YOU.
BUZZ, BUZZ.
NICE CURRENT TODAY.
HEY, WHAT'S THE BUZZ?
HELLO, I'M JELLYBOB--
AND YOU ARE...?
( electricity crackles )
UH... NICE TO MEET YOU.
( sniffing )
MMM.
HERE, PATRICK,
HAVE A KRABBY PATTY.
( choking up )
THERE HE IS, PATRICK.
SAY YOUR LINE.
"WHY, THANK YOU, SANDY.
"I WOULD LOVE ONE.
"(TAKE PATTY).
"TOO BAD SPONGEBOB
ISN'T HERE.
"THESE ARE HIS FAVORITES.
"I SURE WISH HE'D COME HOME.
(TAKE BITE)."
I CAN'T DO IT!
SPONGEBOB!
COME BACK!
PATRICK, I'M NOT COMING HOME.
I MISS YOU.
SANDY MISSES YOU.
EVEN SQUIDWARD MISSES YOU.
WHOOPEE!
( party music playing )
I'M HAPPY HERE.
THIS IS MY HOME NOW.
( Sandy grunting )
( sobbing )
SPONGEBOB!
( buzzing )
HEY, EVERYBODY, I'M BACK.
I THINK I'M GETTING
THE HANG OF THIS.
( panting heavily )
PATRICK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU AS A FRIEND,
I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU A TROPHY.
I EVEN PICKED OUT
THIS NICE JAR FOR YOU.
PATRICK, GO HOME.
I'M A JELLYFISH NOW.
( gurgling cry )
( panting )
WOW!
( continues gurgling cry)
Patrick:
I CAN SEE YOU
THERE.
I STILL SEE YOU.
YOU'RE GOING
TO LOOK GOOD
ON MY MANTEL.
FRIENDS FOREVER,
SPONGEBOB!
( panting slowing down )
AHH.
I GOT YOU NOW, SPONGEBOB.
( straining )
PATRICK, NO!
( SpongeBob panting,
Patrick yelling)
( grunting )
OKAY!
SO THIS IS THE WAY
IT'S GOING TO BE.
I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.
( groans )
WELL, THAT'S OVER.
BACK TO JELLYFISH MATTERS.
( drip )
MMM, JELLY.
( buzzing )
AH, MY JELLYFISH BRETHREN
ARE RETURNING.
GREETINGS, COMRADES.
( electricity crackles.
SpongeBob screams )
( screaming )
OW! OOH! OW! OW!
BEING A JELLYFISH SURE IS FUN.
BUZZ... BUZZ...
( crack )
BUZZ.
( shivering )
( pop )
( resumes shivering )
HEY!
EW, I'M ITCHY.
ITCHY-- WHY AM I SO ITCHY?
( screams )
POISON SEA URCHINS.
OW, OW, ITCH, ITCH,
ITCH, ITCH, OW
OOH, OW, OW, OW, ITCH, ITCH,
ITCH, ITCH, ITCH, ITCH...
BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ
BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ,
BUZZ, BUZZ
BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ
BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ,
BUZZ, BUZZ...
( thud )
( muffled ):
KRABBY PATTIES.
BUZZ...
( sniffs )
BUZZ...
( sniffs )
SANDY...
BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ...
( sniffs )
BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ...
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
I HAD A GREAT LIFE AND FRIENDS,
AND I GAVE ALL OF THAT UP.
All:
WELCOME HOME, SPONGEBOB!
YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST.
I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE.
PLEASE FORGIVE ME.
AH, QUIT YOUR BLUBBERING
AND HAVE A KRABBY PATTY.
DON'T MIND
IF I DO.
AND I'LL SEE YOU AT WORK
FIRST THING
TOMORROW MORNING.
AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
SPONGEBOB, DO US
ALL A FAVOR...
DON'T MIND IF I DO.
( snaps pants loudly )
TA-DAH!
AW.
OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH.
( growls
affectionately )
( all ooh and ahh )
( meows )
COULD WE PLEASE
STOP THIS?
PATRICK ITCHY.
All:
OOH! OW! OH! OW! OOH!
IT IS GREAT
TO BE HOME!
( crowing )
( snoring )
( SpongeBob and Patrick
jabbering )
HUH?
( jabbering stops )
( jabbering resumes )
HUH?!
( blows noisemaker )
Both:
SURPRISE!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SQUIDWARD!
♪ HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ♪
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAKE! ♪
♪ HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ♪
♪ PIN THE TAIL
ON THE SEA HORSE! ♪
♪ HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ♪
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SQUIDWARD! ♪
( SpongeBob cheering,
noisemakers blaring )
SpongeBob:
SO LONG, SQUIDWARD,
BYE-BYE.
DON'T DO ANYTHING
I WOULDN'T DO.
Patrick:
ANOTHER YEAR OLDER.
IT'S NOT MY BIRTHDAY!
THAT'S IT!
I'M MOVING OUT
OF THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.
Realtor:
ABSOLUTELY, MR. TENTACLES.
I CAN SELL YOUR HOME
IN A HEARTBEAT.
OH, THAT'S GREAT NEWS
BECAUSE I WANT TO MOVE
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
NO PROBLEM... AS LONG AS IT'S
NOT INFESTED WITH NEMATODES
OR SURROUNDED
BY TROUBLESOME NEIGHBORS
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
OH, SURE, THERE'S NONE OF THAT.
DID YOU SAY NEIGHBORS?
Of course! I can't tell you
how many times
I've seen a sale fall through
because of bad neighbors.
NEIGHBORS, UH...
ANYWAY, I'LL BE BY TOMORROW
TO CHECK OUT THE HOUSE.
SEE YOU THEN.
SPONGEBOB.
NO ONE WILL EVER BUY MY HOUSE
WITH HIM LIVING NEXT DOOR.
WHATEVER A GOOD NEIGHBOR
WOULD DO, HE DOES THE OPPOSITE.
OPPOSITE... OPPOSITE.
( rooster crowing )
( cacophonous music playing )
( yells )
( playing loudly )
UH, SQUIDWARD...
WHY ARE YOU
PLAYING THE DRUM?
DRUM?
WHAT DRUM?
THIS IS JUST
MY WIG CASE, SEE?
( cackles )
COME ON, SPONGEBOB, TACKLE ME!
SQUIDWARD, YOU NEED BED REST.
I'LL KEEP
YOU SAFE
UNTIL YOU'RE
WELL AGAIN.
OH, I GET IT.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT
DAY IT IS, DO YOU?
UH, WEDNESDAY?
WHY, IT'S OPPOSITE DAY.
YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF IT?
BOY, HAVE YOU BEEN MISSING OUT.
OPPOSITE DAY IS
THE ONE DAY
OF THE YEAR
WHEN YOU GET
TO ACT DIFFERENT.
NORMALLY I'M
STUFFY AND BORING
BUT TODAY I'M SILLY
AND SPONTANEOUS.
( giggles )
DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
ABOUT OPPOSITE DAY?
OH, SURE.
IT'S A GAME, GET IT?
OH, A GAME.
YEAH.
NORMALLY, YOU'RE
REALLY LOUD AND ANNOYING
SO WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO BE TODAY?
QUIET AND OUT OF THE WAY.
YAY!
YEAH.
WHY DON'T YOU GET A JUMP ON IT.
( exuberantly ):
I LOVE...
( gruffly ):
I MEAN, I HATE
OPPOSITE DAY.
( giggles )
( yelling ):
I'M NOT READY.
SO LONG, CHUM.
AND GOOD-BYE, BIKINI BOTTOM.
( door slams )
GARY, IT'S OPPOSITE DAY
AND I'M--
WALK, DON'T RUN--
AND I'M GOING TO...
OPPOSITE, OPPOSITE.
I'M JUST GOING TO CRAWL INTO BED
AND DO NOTHING ALL DAY.
TOO BAD IT ONLY COMES
ONCE A YEAR, HUH, GARY?
( meows )
GARY, WHERE'S
YOUR HOLIDAY SPIRIT?
( barks )
( doorbell rings )
COMPANY!
I HATE COMPANY.
WHO'S THERE?
IT'S PATRICK.
PATRICK... GO AWAY!
I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!
( giggles )
( whimpers )
( sobbing )
SPONGEBOB DOESN'T
LIKE ME ANYMORE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU'RE MY WORST ENEMY.
( sobbing )
PATRICK, YOU'RE NOT
REALLY NOT MY FRIEND.
IT'S JUST OPPOSITE DAY.
OPPOSITE DAY?
HEY, I'VE
HEARD OF THAT.
YOU HAVE?
NO, WHAT IS IT?
WELL, WHATEVER
YOU NORMALLY DO
TODAY YOU DO
THE OPPOSITE.
LET ME TRY,
LET ME TRY.
( straining )
( still straining )
PATRICK!
PATRICK, BREATHE!
( exhales loudly )
( gasping )
NOT THAT OPPOSITE.
LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TO DO IT...
THE WRONG WAY.
MEOW.
MEOW.
( speaking gibberish )
( laughing )
SAY, WANT TO HELP ME
DO SOME WORK
AROUND THE HOUSE,
WORST ENEMY?
NOPE.
( laughing )
( Squidward cackles )
NEARLY NOON
AND NOT A PEEP FROM SPONGEBOB.
I'M ALMOST SORRY I'M LEAVING.
( cackles )
OPPOSITE DAY.
( crashing )
SPONGEBOB, WHAT ARE YOU...?
( yells )
HELLO, SQUIDWARD.
OOP, I MEAN,
GOOD-BYE, SQUIDWARD.
ISN'T OPPOSITE DAY... TERRIBLE.
( laughs )
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S TERRIBLE:
LIVING NEXT TO YOU.
YOU'RE THE
WORST NEIGHBOR
IN HISTORY.
WOW! THAT'S THE NICEST THING
SQUIDWARD HAS EVER SAID TO ME.
IF THE REAL ESTATE AGENT
SEES THAT MESS
I'LL NEVER SELL THIS HOUSE.
Patrick:
ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL?
ON OPPOSITE DAY IT IS.
( rumbling )
OUT OF THE WAY, SPONGEBOB!
( hammer pounding )
I DON'T GET IT.
I MADE MY HOUSE
A MESS
WHICH WAS
MAKING IT CLEAN
WHICH MADE SQUIDWARD
CLEAN MY YARD
BUT THAT MEANS
HE'S MESSING IT UP.
BUT THE OPPOSITE
OF CLEAN IS FILTH
WHICH MEANS
FILTH IS CLEAN.
SQUIDWARD'S MAKING
MY YARD A WRECK
BUT I'D NORMALLY
WRECK MY OWN YARD
SO SQUIDWARD'S
BEING THE OPPOSITE
OF SQUIDWARD
WHICH MEANS
HE'S SPONGEBOB.
AHA! I UNDERSTAND
EVERYTHING NOW.
I MUST BE THE OPPOSITE
OF SPONGEBOB BY BEING...
SQUIDWARD.
HEY...
I WANT TO BE OPPOSITE, TOO.
YEAH, FINALLY!
YOO-HOO!
♪ I'M SQUIDWARD,
I'M SQUIDWARD ♪
♪ SQUIDWARD, SQUIDWARD. ♪
WAIT.
IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO LOOK LIKE
SQUIDWARD TO BE OPPOSITE.
( imitating Squidward ):
YOU HAVE TO ACT LIKE HIM, TOO.
BOY, OH, BOY, DO I LIKE
PLAYING THE CLARINET.
I PRACTICE AND PRACTICE
ALL DAY LONG
BUT I NEVER GET ANY BETTER.
( in his own voice ):
NOW YOU TRY.
OKAY.
( inhales )
♪ I'M SQUIDWARD, SQUIDWARD,
SQUIDWARD, SQUIDWARD. ♪
Both:
♪ I'M SQUIDWARD, I'M SQUIDWARD ♪
♪ SQUIDWARD, SQUIDWARD. ♪
AFTER YOU,
MR. SQUIDWARD.
WHY, THANK YOU,
MR. SQUIDWARD.
YOU'RE QUITE WELCOME,
MR. SQUIDWARD.
OPPOSITE DAY.
NEXT TIME IT'S GOING TO BE
"GO JUMP OFF A CLIFF" DAY.
( tires squeal )
OH, MY.
THE HOUSE IS EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL
IN PERSON.
HELLO, MIST...
UM, MR. TENTACLES?
YES, PLEASE COME IN.
I PICTURED YOU
BEING MUCH TALLER.
YEAH, EVERYONE
SAYS THAT.
NOW, IF YOU WANT
THE SALE TO GO THROUGH
YOU'VE GOT TO TELL ME
ALL THE POSITIVE
THINGS ABOUT
YOUR HOUSE.
POSITIVE THINGS-- OPPOSITE DAY.
I'D LOVE TO.
THE FLOOR CREAKS,
THE ROOF LEAKS.
THERE'S
A TERRIBLE DRAFT.
UH... WELL, YOU DIDN'T
MENTION THAT ON THE PHONE.
PLEASE LET ME FINISH.
THE WINTERS ARE HARD.
THE SUMMERS ARE BRUTAL.
THERE'S A WILD MAN-EATING CLAM
IN THE BACKYARD.
WOULD YOU CARE TO SEE THE REST?
WELL, I'M NOT SURE
IF I'M INTERESTED.
NONSENSE.
I WON'T TAKE NO
FOR AN ANSWER.
( honking )
PLEASE FOLLOW ME.
AND HERE'S THE WORST ROOM
IN THE HOUSE: MY GALLERY.
OH, MY, THIS PAINTING
IS VERY NICE.
THANK YOU.
( screams )
WHO'S THAT?
I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE
YOU TO MR. SQUIDWARD.
YOU'RE BOTH SQUIDWARD?
I'M SQUIDWARD.
HE'S SQUIDWARD.
Both:
WE'RE BOTH SQUIDWARD.
( sighs )
WELL, THAT'S DONE.
AT LEAST SPONGEBOB
HAS BEEN QUIET.
( screams ):
NO!
( playing squeakily )
OKAY, I REALLY
DON'T WANT TO
HEAR ANOTHER ONE.
OKAY.
( tooting )
I REALLY DON'T
WANT TO HEAR MORE,
THANK YOU.
I HEAR YOU
LOUD AND CLEAR.
( tooting )
Squidward:
STOP!
GET AWAY FROM HER!
OH, OH, I AM SO SORRY, MA'AM.
I-I HOPE THESE
TWO BARNACLE-HEADS
HAVEN'T HARMED YOU IN ANY WAY.
WHO ARE YOU?
WHY, I'M SQUIDWARD.
WHAT KIND OF FOOL
DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?
HE'S SQUIDWARD?
HE'S SQUIDWARD?
YOU'RE SQUIDWARD?
I'M SQUIDWARD!
ARE THERE ANY
OTHER SQUIDWARDS?
( in Squidward's voice ):
MEOW.
I'M OUT OF HERE.
MA'AM, PLEASE.
WHAT ABOUT MY HOUSE?
I WOULDN'T SELL A HOUSE FOR YOU
IF YOU WERE
THE LAST SQUIDWARD ON EARTH!
WAIT!
DON'T...
GO!
( screams )
NO, NO, NO!
PLEASE SELL MY HOUSE.
NEVER!
DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!
( crying )
Both:
HAPPY OPPOSITE DAY, SQUIDWARD.
WE HATE YOU.
LET ME SHOW YOU GUYS
HOW MUCH I HATE YOU.
( engine revs )
( yelling )
PATRICK, YOU EVER FEEL
THAT SQUIDWARD
LIKES US TOO MUCH?
HAPPY OPPOSITE DAY!
[Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
and NICKELODEON]
[Captioned by
The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation]
Kids:
AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
( louder ):
AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
♪ OH... ♪
♪ WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE
UNDER THE SEA? ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ ABSORBENT AND YELLOW
AND POROUS IS HE. ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE
SOMETHING YOU WISH... ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ THEN DROP ON THE DECK
AND FLOP LIKE A FISH. ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ READY?
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
( laughs heartily )
[Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
( plays airy tune )
and NICKELODEON]
( sizzling )
( loud buzzing )
( all pop to life
and commence buzzing )
( pop )
( buzzing )
Krabs:
SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB!
WAKE UP, BOY!
YOU'RE BURNING
ME MONEY!
( alarm sounds,
SpongeBob yelps )
MR. KRABS, WHAT DO WE DO?
HERE, USE THIS.
( grunts )
( clang )
( flames whoosh )
( both whine in fear )
( blowing frantically )
( teeth chattering )
( imitating fire alarm )
( gurgling )
HOORAY!
HOORAY!
( steam whistling )
( sizzles )
SPONGEBOB, COME
INTO ME OFFICE.
WHAT'S WRONG, BOY?
WELL, I...
THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME
I'VE HAD TO SCRAPE YOU
OFF OF SOMETHING.
WELL, I'VE BEEN THINKING.
WE NEED TO GET YOU
THINKING ABOUT WORK.
NO OFFENSE, MR. KRABS,
BUT I'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT GIVING UP
MY COLD INDUSTRIAL LIFE
IN FAVOR OF
A MORE NATURAL
AND FREE LIFE
AMONG THE JELLYFISH.
( laughs heartily )
( laughter echoes )
AH... SPONGEBOB,
YOU WOULDN'T LAST
EVEN ONE DAY
IN THE WILD.
THIS IS YOUR
NATURAL HABITAT.
THIS IS YOUR
WIDE-OPEN RANGE.
THESE ARE
YOUR AMBER WAVES.
AND THIS... OH, THIS
IS YOUR GOLDEN SCEPTER
WITH WHICH YOU RULE!
THAT'S BETTER THAN NASTY OLD
JELLYFISH, RIGHT, SPONGEBOB?
SPONGEBOB?
OH, I CAN TOO
LAST MORE THAN ONE DAY.
I'LL SHOW HIM.
AW, BARNACLES!
SPONGEBOB, WAIT.
( screams )
OH, HE'LL BE BACK,
ALL RIGHT.
HE'LL BE BACK.
AND, SQUIDWARD
I WANT YOU TO HAVE
MY CAN OPENER.
AND I THOUGHT
THIS FRIENDSHIP
WOULD NEVER PAY OFF.
ARE... ARE... ARE...
ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT
TO GIVE ME THIS MAYONNAISE?
IT'S ALL YOURS.
AND THESE
OLD PHONE BOOKS?
ALL YOURS, OLD FRIEND.
PATRICK, THERE IS
ONE MORE THING
I WANT YOU TO HAVE.
( gasps )
( panting with excitement )
OL' RELIABLE?!
( sobs )
HOWDY, Y'ALL.
HEY, SPONGEBOB, YOU
HAVING A GARAGE SALE?
NO, SANDY, I'M GIVING UP
MY MATERIAL POSSESSIONS
TO LIVE IN THE WILD
WITH THE JELLYFISH.
SPONGEBOB, OF
ALL THE CRAZY SCHEMES
WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO LIVE
AMONG THE JELLYFISH?
THEY'RE COLD AND MEAN
AND NONE TOO BRIGHT.
OH, SANDY, THAT'S EXACTLY
THE RESPONSE I WOULD EXPECT
FROM SOMEONE WHO LIVES
THE SHAM OF A LIFE
I ONCE LIVED.
I'LL PROVE I DON'T NEED
THIS STUFF TO BE HAPPY.
MAYBE SOMEDAY YOU'LL
WISE UP AND JOIN ME.
GOOD-BYE.
( pop )
I WON'T BE NEEDING THESE.
BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ...
HE TOOK OFF
HIS PANTS.
I'LL GIVE HIM
A WEEK.
I'LL GIVE HIM
11 MINUTES.
PATRICK SAD!
I'M HOME.
I'M HOME! I'M HOME!
I'M HOME, I'M HOME, I'M HOME,
I'M HOME, I'M HOME, I'M HOME
I'M HOME, I'M HOME!
( sudden buzzing )
BROTHERS AND SISTERS,
WAIT FOR ME.
( buzzing )
BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ.
OKAY, I'M HERE.
WAIT, I JUST GOT HERE.
MY JELLYFISH INSTINCTS
TELL ME TO GO...
( slurps )
( pops )
THAT WAY.
♪ BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ,
BUZZ, BUZZ... ♪
( jellyfish buzzing )
( chomping )
( gags )
MMM, THIS IS THE LIFE.
HEY, EVERYBODY,
BUZZ, BUZZ.
BUZZ TO YOU.
BUZZ, BUZZ.
NICE CURRENT TODAY.
HEY, WHAT'S THE BUZZ?
HELLO, I'M JELLYBOB--
AND YOU ARE...?
( electricity crackles )
UH... NICE TO MEET YOU.
( sniffing )
MMM.
HERE, PATRICK,
HAVE A KRABBY PATTY.
( choking up )
THERE HE IS, PATRICK.
SAY YOUR LINE.
"WHY, THANK YOU, SANDY.
"I WOULD LOVE ONE.
"(TAKE PATTY).
"TOO BAD SPONGEBOB
ISN'T HERE.
"THESE ARE HIS FAVORITES.
"I SURE WISH HE'D COME HOME.
(TAKE BITE)."
I CAN'T DO IT!
SPONGEBOB!
COME BACK!
PATRICK, I'M NOT COMING HOME.
I MISS YOU.
SANDY MISSES YOU.
EVEN SQUIDWARD MISSES YOU.
WHOOPEE!
( party music playing )
I'M HAPPY HERE.
THIS IS MY HOME NOW.
( Sandy grunting )
( sobbing )
SPONGEBOB!
( buzzing )
HEY, EVERYBODY, I'M BACK.
I THINK I'M GETTING
THE HANG OF THIS.
( panting heavily )
PATRICK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU AS A FRIEND,
I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU A TROPHY.
I EVEN PICKED OUT
THIS NICE JAR FOR YOU.
PATRICK, GO HOME.
I'M A JELLYFISH NOW.
( gurgling cry )
( panting )
WOW!
( continues gurgling cry)
Patrick:
I CAN SEE YOU
THERE.
I STILL SEE YOU.
YOU'RE GOING
TO LOOK GOOD
ON MY MANTEL.
FRIENDS FOREVER,
SPONGEBOB!
( panting slowing down )
AHH.
I GOT YOU NOW, SPONGEBOB.
( straining )
PATRICK, NO!
( SpongeBob panting,
Patrick yelling)
( grunting )
OKAY!
SO THIS IS THE WAY
IT'S GOING TO BE.
I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.
( groans )
WELL, THAT'S OVER.
BACK TO JELLYFISH MATTERS.
( drip )
MMM, JELLY.
( buzzing )
AH, MY JELLYFISH BRETHREN
ARE RETURNING.
GREETINGS, COMRADES.
( electricity crackles.
SpongeBob screams )
( screaming )
OW! OOH! OW! OW!
BEING A JELLYFISH SURE IS FUN.
BUZZ... BUZZ...
( crack )
BUZZ.
( shivering )
( pop )
( resumes shivering )
HEY!
EW, I'M ITCHY.
ITCHY-- WHY AM I SO ITCHY?
( screams )
POISON SEA URCHINS.
OW, OW, ITCH, ITCH,
ITCH, ITCH, OW
OOH, OW, OW, OW, ITCH, ITCH,
ITCH, ITCH, ITCH, ITCH...
BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ
BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ,
BUZZ, BUZZ
BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ
BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ,
BUZZ, BUZZ...
( thud )
( muffled ):
KRABBY PATTIES.
BUZZ...
( sniffs )
BUZZ...
( sniffs )
SANDY...
BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ...
( sniffs )
BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ...
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
I HAD A GREAT LIFE AND FRIENDS,
AND I GAVE ALL OF THAT UP.
All:
WELCOME HOME, SPONGEBOB!
YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST.
I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE.
PLEASE FORGIVE ME.
AH, QUIT YOUR BLUBBERING
AND HAVE A KRABBY PATTY.
DON'T MIND
IF I DO.
AND I'LL SEE YOU AT WORK
FIRST THING
TOMORROW MORNING.
AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
SPONGEBOB, DO US
ALL A FAVOR...
DON'T MIND IF I DO.
( snaps pants loudly )
TA-DAH!
AW.
OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH.
( growls
affectionately )
( all ooh and ahh )
( meows )
COULD WE PLEASE
STOP THIS?
PATRICK ITCHY.
All:
OOH! OW! OH! OW! OOH!
IT IS GREAT
TO BE HOME!
( crowing )
( snoring )
( SpongeBob and Patrick
jabbering )
HUH?
( jabbering stops )
( jabbering resumes )
HUH?!
( blows noisemaker )
Both:
SURPRISE!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SQUIDWARD!
♪ HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ♪
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAKE! ♪
♪ HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ♪
♪ PIN THE TAIL
ON THE SEA HORSE! ♪
♪ HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ♪
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SQUIDWARD! ♪
( SpongeBob cheering,
noisemakers blaring )
SpongeBob:
SO LONG, SQUIDWARD,
BYE-BYE.
DON'T DO ANYTHING
I WOULDN'T DO.
Patrick:
ANOTHER YEAR OLDER.
IT'S NOT MY BIRTHDAY!
THAT'S IT!
I'M MOVING OUT
OF THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.
Realtor:
ABSOLUTELY, MR. TENTACLES.
I CAN SELL YOUR HOME
IN A HEARTBEAT.
OH, THAT'S GREAT NEWS
BECAUSE I WANT TO MOVE
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
NO PROBLEM... AS LONG AS IT'S
NOT INFESTED WITH NEMATODES
OR SURROUNDED
BY TROUBLESOME NEIGHBORS
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
OH, SURE, THERE'S NONE OF THAT.
DID YOU SAY NEIGHBORS?
Of course! I can't tell you
how many times
I've seen a sale fall through
because of bad neighbors.
NEIGHBORS, UH...
ANYWAY, I'LL BE BY TOMORROW
TO CHECK OUT THE HOUSE.
SEE YOU THEN.
SPONGEBOB.
NO ONE WILL EVER BUY MY HOUSE
WITH HIM LIVING NEXT DOOR.
WHATEVER A GOOD NEIGHBOR
WOULD DO, HE DOES THE OPPOSITE.
OPPOSITE... OPPOSITE.
( rooster crowing )
( cacophonous music playing )
( yells )
( playing loudly )
UH, SQUIDWARD...
WHY ARE YOU
PLAYING THE DRUM?
DRUM?
WHAT DRUM?
THIS IS JUST
MY WIG CASE, SEE?
( cackles )
COME ON, SPONGEBOB, TACKLE ME!
SQUIDWARD, YOU NEED BED REST.
I'LL KEEP
YOU SAFE
UNTIL YOU'RE
WELL AGAIN.
OH, I GET IT.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT
DAY IT IS, DO YOU?
UH, WEDNESDAY?
WHY, IT'S OPPOSITE DAY.
YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF IT?
BOY, HAVE YOU BEEN MISSING OUT.
OPPOSITE DAY IS
THE ONE DAY
OF THE YEAR
WHEN YOU GET
TO ACT DIFFERENT.
NORMALLY I'M
STUFFY AND BORING
BUT TODAY I'M SILLY
AND SPONTANEOUS.
( giggles )
DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
ABOUT OPPOSITE DAY?
OH, SURE.
IT'S A GAME, GET IT?
OH, A GAME.
YEAH.
NORMALLY, YOU'RE
REALLY LOUD AND ANNOYING
SO WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO BE TODAY?
QUIET AND OUT OF THE WAY.
YAY!
YEAH.
WHY DON'T YOU GET A JUMP ON IT.
( exuberantly ):
I LOVE...
( gruffly ):
I MEAN, I HATE
OPPOSITE DAY.
( giggles )
( yelling ):
I'M NOT READY.
SO LONG, CHUM.
AND GOOD-BYE, BIKINI BOTTOM.
( door slams )
GARY, IT'S OPPOSITE DAY
AND I'M--
WALK, DON'T RUN--
AND I'M GOING TO...
OPPOSITE, OPPOSITE.
I'M JUST GOING TO CRAWL INTO BED
AND DO NOTHING ALL DAY.
TOO BAD IT ONLY COMES
ONCE A YEAR, HUH, GARY?
( meows )
GARY, WHERE'S
YOUR HOLIDAY SPIRIT?
( barks )
( doorbell rings )
COMPANY!
I HATE COMPANY.
WHO'S THERE?
IT'S PATRICK.
PATRICK... GO AWAY!
I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!
( giggles )
( whimpers )
( sobbing )
SPONGEBOB DOESN'T
LIKE ME ANYMORE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU'RE MY WORST ENEMY.
( sobbing )
PATRICK, YOU'RE NOT
REALLY NOT MY FRIEND.
IT'S JUST OPPOSITE DAY.
OPPOSITE DAY?
HEY, I'VE
HEARD OF THAT.
YOU HAVE?
NO, WHAT IS IT?
WELL, WHATEVER
YOU NORMALLY DO
TODAY YOU DO
THE OPPOSITE.
LET ME TRY,
LET ME TRY.
( straining )
( still straining )
PATRICK!
PATRICK, BREATHE!
( exhales loudly )
( gasping )
NOT THAT OPPOSITE.
LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TO DO IT...
THE WRONG WAY.
MEOW.
MEOW.
( speaking gibberish )
( laughing )
SAY, WANT TO HELP ME
DO SOME WORK
AROUND THE HOUSE,
WORST ENEMY?
NOPE.
( laughing )
( Squidward cackles )
NEARLY NOON
AND NOT A PEEP FROM SPONGEBOB.
I'M ALMOST SORRY I'M LEAVING.
( cackles )
OPPOSITE DAY.
( crashing )
SPONGEBOB, WHAT ARE YOU...?
( yells )
HELLO, SQUIDWARD.
OOP, I MEAN,
GOOD-BYE, SQUIDWARD.
ISN'T OPPOSITE DAY... TERRIBLE.
( laughs )
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S TERRIBLE:
LIVING NEXT TO YOU.
YOU'RE THE
WORST NEIGHBOR
IN HISTORY.
WOW! THAT'S THE NICEST THING
SQUIDWARD HAS EVER SAID TO ME.
IF THE REAL ESTATE AGENT
SEES THAT MESS
I'LL NEVER SELL THIS HOUSE.
Patrick:
ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL?
ON OPPOSITE DAY IT IS.
( rumbling )
OUT OF THE WAY, SPONGEBOB!
( hammer pounding )
I DON'T GET IT.
I MADE MY HOUSE
A MESS
WHICH WAS
MAKING IT CLEAN
WHICH MADE SQUIDWARD
CLEAN MY YARD
BUT THAT MEANS
HE'S MESSING IT UP.
BUT THE OPPOSITE
OF CLEAN IS FILTH
WHICH MEANS
FILTH IS CLEAN.
SQUIDWARD'S MAKING
MY YARD A WRECK
BUT I'D NORMALLY
WRECK MY OWN YARD
SO SQUIDWARD'S
BEING THE OPPOSITE
OF SQUIDWARD
WHICH MEANS
HE'S SPONGEBOB.
AHA! I UNDERSTAND
EVERYTHING NOW.
I MUST BE THE OPPOSITE
OF SPONGEBOB BY BEING...
SQUIDWARD.
HEY...
I WANT TO BE OPPOSITE, TOO.
YEAH, FINALLY!
YOO-HOO!
♪ I'M SQUIDWARD,
I'M SQUIDWARD ♪
♪ SQUIDWARD, SQUIDWARD. ♪
WAIT.
IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO LOOK LIKE
SQUIDWARD TO BE OPPOSITE.
( imitating Squidward ):
YOU HAVE TO ACT LIKE HIM, TOO.
BOY, OH, BOY, DO I LIKE
PLAYING THE CLARINET.
I PRACTICE AND PRACTICE
ALL DAY LONG
BUT I NEVER GET ANY BETTER.
( in his own voice ):
NOW YOU TRY.
OKAY.
( inhales )
♪ I'M SQUIDWARD, SQUIDWARD,
SQUIDWARD, SQUIDWARD. ♪
Both:
♪ I'M SQUIDWARD, I'M SQUIDWARD ♪
♪ SQUIDWARD, SQUIDWARD. ♪
AFTER YOU,
MR. SQUIDWARD.
WHY, THANK YOU,
MR. SQUIDWARD.
YOU'RE QUITE WELCOME,
MR. SQUIDWARD.
OPPOSITE DAY.
NEXT TIME IT'S GOING TO BE
"GO JUMP OFF A CLIFF" DAY.
( tires squeal )
OH, MY.
THE HOUSE IS EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL
IN PERSON.
HELLO, MIST...
UM, MR. TENTACLES?
YES, PLEASE COME IN.
I PICTURED YOU
BEING MUCH TALLER.
YEAH, EVERYONE
SAYS THAT.
NOW, IF YOU WANT
THE SALE TO GO THROUGH
YOU'VE GOT TO TELL ME
ALL THE POSITIVE
THINGS ABOUT
YOUR HOUSE.
POSITIVE THINGS-- OPPOSITE DAY.
I'D LOVE TO.
THE FLOOR CREAKS,
THE ROOF LEAKS.
THERE'S
A TERRIBLE DRAFT.
UH... WELL, YOU DIDN'T
MENTION THAT ON THE PHONE.
PLEASE LET ME FINISH.
THE WINTERS ARE HARD.
THE SUMMERS ARE BRUTAL.
THERE'S A WILD MAN-EATING CLAM
IN THE BACKYARD.
WOULD YOU CARE TO SEE THE REST?
WELL, I'M NOT SURE
IF I'M INTERESTED.
NONSENSE.
I WON'T TAKE NO
FOR AN ANSWER.
( honking )
PLEASE FOLLOW ME.
AND HERE'S THE WORST ROOM
IN THE HOUSE: MY GALLERY.
OH, MY, THIS PAINTING
IS VERY NICE.
THANK YOU.
( screams )
WHO'S THAT?
I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE
YOU TO MR. SQUIDWARD.
YOU'RE BOTH SQUIDWARD?
I'M SQUIDWARD.
HE'S SQUIDWARD.
Both:
WE'RE BOTH SQUIDWARD.
( sighs )
WELL, THAT'S DONE.
AT LEAST SPONGEBOB
HAS BEEN QUIET.
( screams ):
NO!
( playing squeakily )
OKAY, I REALLY
DON'T WANT TO
HEAR ANOTHER ONE.
OKAY.
( tooting )
I REALLY DON'T
WANT TO HEAR MORE,
THANK YOU.
I HEAR YOU
LOUD AND CLEAR.
( tooting )
Squidward:
STOP!
GET AWAY FROM HER!
OH, OH, I AM SO SORRY, MA'AM.
I-I HOPE THESE
TWO BARNACLE-HEADS
HAVEN'T HARMED YOU IN ANY WAY.
WHO ARE YOU?
WHY, I'M SQUIDWARD.
WHAT KIND OF FOOL
DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?
HE'S SQUIDWARD?
HE'S SQUIDWARD?
YOU'RE SQUIDWARD?
I'M SQUIDWARD!
ARE THERE ANY
OTHER SQUIDWARDS?
( in Squidward's voice ):
MEOW.
I'M OUT OF HERE.
MA'AM, PLEASE.
WHAT ABOUT MY HOUSE?
I WOULDN'T SELL A HOUSE FOR YOU
IF YOU WERE
THE LAST SQUIDWARD ON EARTH!
WAIT!
DON'T...
GO!
( screams )
NO, NO, NO!
PLEASE SELL MY HOUSE.
NEVER!
DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!
( crying )
Both:
HAPPY OPPOSITE DAY, SQUIDWARD.
WE HATE YOU.
LET ME SHOW YOU GUYS
HOW MUCH I HATE YOU.
( engine revs )
( yelling )
PATRICK, YOU EVER FEEL
THAT SQUIDWARD
LIKES US TOO MUCH?
HAPPY OPPOSITE DAY!
[Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
and NICKELODEON]
[Captioned by
The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation]