South Park (1997–…): Season 25, Episode 6 - Credigree Weed St. Patrick's Day Special - full transcript
Butters is shocked to learn that people in South Park don't understand what St. Patrick's Day is really about.
♪
♪ I’m goin’ down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
♪ Goin’ down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting,
"howdy, neighbor!" ♪
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can’t unwind ♪
♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
Eat your breakfast, Stan,
you’re gonna be late for school.
You told me
to finish my homework!
Do both, come on guys,
we gotta get going.
Hey whoa, whoa.
What the is going on?
I’m about to take
the kids to school, why?
Hello?!
It’s St. Patrick’s day.
I know --
I’m wearing green.
You guys this is Tegridy Weed’s
biggest day of the year.
I need help with
the St. Patrick’s Day Special.
Sorry, Randy,
the kids aren’t missing school.
Come on, guys, let’s go --
Okay, yeah, great,
don’t worry about it,
I’ll do it all myself.
Again.
Top O’ the mornin’ to ya!
This is God damn ridiculous.
Piece a shit family...
How’s it going, Randy?
Ugh, I’m just so stressed out!
We have to make
a huge profit today
or the whole year is
How’s the St. Patrick’s Day
Special?
I think it’s better
than last year’s.
Lemme see...
Oh, wow...
Wow...
This is gonna be
our best special ever!
Come on, let’s get the truck
loaded up!
Let’s sell what we can
from our drive up booth,
and then later
we can hit the Irish bar.
What the
♪
Hey! Excuse me!
Oh, good morning, Randy.
What do you think
you’re doing?
Oh. We’re, uh, doing
a St. Patrick’s Day Special.
No you’re not.
Uhh, yeah. We are.
So first you steal my idea
of selling weed
and now you’re stealing my idea
of doing
a St. Patrick’s Day Special!
Pretty sure St. Patrick’s Day
wasn’t your idea.
Is that right? Ok...
Game on, mother
♪ Loo loo loo!
It’s St. Patrick’s Day! ♪
♪ Looo loo loo!
De doot be do! ♪
Come on Butters,
time for school!
Ok, mom!
Ohhh dad, are you wearin’ green
or are you gonna get a pinch?
Ha ha -- I’ve got a green tie
on, you little rascal!
And I’m wearing
a green scarf!
Ok! Well someone’s gettin
a pinch today!
♪
Hey, Clyde!
You got your green on!
Hey Jimmy!
Nice green pants!
Tee-hee! Te hee hee hee!
Happy St. Patrick’s Day,
fellas!
Hey, Butters.
Wul you guys
all look very festive!
Yeah, it’s super fun.
St. Patrick’s Day rules.
Oh, I hope they put green
food coloring in our milk
at lunchtime again
like last year!
Uh-oh!
Hey, Kelly-Ann!
What’s going on?
What do you mean?
Looks like someone forgot
what day it was!
Ha ha! Pi-i-i-i-nch!
I’m sorry! I’m sorry!
I didn’t mean
to do anything wrong, honest!
Do you know
what sexual assault is?
I’m so sorry! Please!
It’s just --
well, she had it comin’
on account of the way
she was dressed!
Ohhh!
Wow, kid, wow!
Alright. Take this shithead
to the station
and book him for sexual assault
of a minor.
Oh, jeez, I didn’t know
Kelly-Ann was a minor!
Wul, she didn’t have
a mining helmet
or a pick axe or anything!
Detective Harris:
Ok, looks like you assaulted
a nine year old girl...
No prior history -- assault took
place at an elementary school.
But...But, sir,
it’s St. Patrick’s Day.
Look, I know!
It’s St. Patrick’s Day, right?
If people don’t wear green,
they get pinched!
Yes! Right!
Yeah...
Only one problem.
The little girl you pinched?
Kelly-Ann Barlow?
She was wearing green socks.
You’re a God damn
sexual predator.
Don’t let him jack off
in here!
These types always mess up
my jail!
Welcome, everyone, welcome.
Thank you for coming
to Credigree Farms!
♪
Randy, we all see you
behind the bush.
Everyone sees you.
Oh. Uh...
A very happy mornin’,
everybody!
And a foine St. Patrick’s Day
to all of ye.
I don’t know if ya noohticed.
But, uh, there’s a farm
across the street
selling weed also --
and the owner is actually
10 par-cent Irish!
So, obviously, you’re upset
that you don’t seem to have
any customers.
What I’m upset about
is a wee little thing
called "cultural appropriation".
Ever heard of it?
That’s why we can’t wear
sombreros on Cinco de Mayo.
Why we can’t dress like Indians
on Halloween.
What’s your point?
I’m looking at my point,
you racist son of a bitch.
You have no right
to wear that stuff.
It is offensive.
Come on, guys!
St. Patrick’s Day is the one day
of the year we have left
where we can actually celebrate
being white.
Any other day that we tried
to be proud of our culture,
we would get immediately
cancelled by Twitter!
And yet for some reason,
you’re all over here,
buying your weed
from someone who is fine
mocking our customs
and traditions.
Maybe they’re here because
my St. Patrick’s Day Special
is better than yours.
Okay, yeah --
yeah, let’s arrest
the white leprechaun.
Cuz, you know,
can’t have one day
for a mostly white culture,
right?
Don’t wanna get cancelled.
I guess don’t arrest him
for cultural appropriations?
Guess -- Guess that only works
one way, huh?
Leopold Stotch?
Yes?
I’m the public defender that’s
been assigned to your case.
Ugh...Okay...Oh, God...
Is there a problem?
Wul, it’s just...I mean...
What you’re wearing.
You know,
it’s St. Patrick’s Day,
you’re not wearing any...
You don’t have
any green socks on, do you?
No, I’m wearing yellow socks.
Ohhhhh God...
I wanna pinch you so bad...
I’m here to help you, ok?
Now, this woman
that you’re accused of groping,
were you two in any kind of
relationship?
No, ma’am, could you --
maybe put on
some green lipstick
or something?
Before you touched the victim,
did she give you any kind of
consent?
Wul, technically, yes!
I mean, St. Patrick’s Day
is a wonderful day
where we remember a British
Roman man who went to Ireland
and converted the whole country
to Christianity!
And he used a clover
to represent the Holy Trinity,
so we’re supposed to celebrate
that by wearing green
and if you don’t wear green
you get a pinch!
And who is this St. Patrick
to you?
See?!
That’s the problem!
Nobody knows how great
he really was.
Okay...
Can you show me where on the
body you touched the girl?
Oh, God...
Did you put your fingers
inside her?
I didn’t finger nothin!
I swear it was just a tiny
little St. Patrick’s Day pinch!
It was - It was like this!
Ohhhg!
Oh!
I am not representing
this animal!
Ohhgu!
We got some more
St. Patrick’s Day offenders.
Well, it’s 10 a.m. and you
people are already wasted, huh?
Yeah, yeah, copper,
you got me, big deal.
♪
♪
Dear St. Patrick...
If you’re really up there...
I’ve always done my best
to honor you
on this most holy day...
You went to Ireland, and you got
all those pagan worshippers
to follow Christ.
If there’s any way...
that you could help me now...
just, like, send me a leprechaun
or something...
I will be forever
your dark servant.
Amen...
Alright,
we got us another one!
Let’s go, buddy.
Yeah yeah, you don’t have
to push me, copper.
Whoa...
When are you people
gonna learn, huh?
It’s not even lunchtime,
for Christ’s sake.
I want my phone call.
Wow wee,
are you a real leprechaun?
Yeah, I’m a real
leprechaun!
Alright! Are we gonna
bust outta here or what?
Hell yeah
we’re gonna bust outta here,
what do you have planned?
Black Announcer:
Awww, yeah...
And now back
to the Credigree Weed
St. Patrick’s Day Special.
Alright, there you go,
happy St. Patrick’s Day
and thanks for buying Credigree!
Good afternoon, sir!
Are you the creator
of Credigree Weed?
I am.
Well, I’m the owner of the Irish
bar here in town. Farty O’Cools.
We’ve got thousands
of patrons today
and I’m looking to score
some weed.
You need marijuana
for the Irish bar.
Well, everyone’s been drinkin’
since 9 a.m.
But now they need something
to take the edge off
until they start doing coke
at 7:30.
Well, I’m sure
we can help you out.
How much Credigree
are you looking to buy?
Oh, I’d say we need about...
Oh, two and a half tons of yer
St. Patrick’s Day Special.
Two and a half tons...
Alright! Well, we’ll see ya down
at Farty O’Cools!
Are you crazy?
How are we gonna get that much
weed together in time?
I don’t know, babe,
but this could really make
our whole fiscal year!
I just hope you’re not overdoin’
it again.
Don’t worry, we’re gonna blow
everyone’s mind
with our St. Patrick’s Day
Special!
Awesome...
green hamburgers...
How clever...
Hello?
Uh, yes, this is Randy Marsh,
I’ve been incarcerated.
I need to speak
with my attorney.
Dad, it’s me.
You called the wrong person.
Yes, I am aware of that.
Listen to me carefully.
The canary is in the cage.
I don’t know what the
you’re talking about.
Oh, a confidential matter?
Lawyer client privilege.
Uh, you know, there’s an officer
standing right here, actually.
Oh -- Oh it’s ok,
he’s stepping away.
Stan!
They got me locked up,
you’re gonna have to help me
break outta here.
We have to stop them.
Stop who.
Listen to me -- is your friend
Tolkien there?
Yeah, Tol-l-l-kien
is sitting right here.
Yeah, well,
his piece a shit dad
is trying to take over
the St. Patrick’s Day Special!
I don’t care.
You better care, because
if we don’t make money today
you and sister are gonna starve.
Do you understand?
And I won’t be able
to pay the Wi-Fi bill.
Okay, what do you want me
to do?
I need you to leave school,
go home,
and get a jar of the
St. Patrick’s Day Special weed
and sneak it into
the police station.
Dad, it’s St. Patrick’s Day.
We’re gonna do a scavenger hunt
at recess.
I’m asking you
to do one little thing.
Ditch school, get weed,
sneak into the police station.
Do it or no more Wi-Fi,
I mean it!
Piece a shit lawyer!
Butters:
St. Patrick was not Irish.
He was a Roman British man
who was made a slave
by Irish Barbarians.
But St. Patrick
heard the voice of God...
and he used his situation
for good,
and God told him to be brave!
And that is why --
on this one day of the year,
we must be like St. Patrick
ourselves!
The police don’t even care
about St. Patrick’s Day!
Do you see any of them
wearing green?! No!
If we do St. Patrick’s bidding,
he will provide for us!
Okay, back in you go.
Pi-i-i-i-nch!
Oh my God! Oh my God!
He just touched me and he didn’t
ask for consent or anything.
Ok, ok,
I’ll take care of it --
Bzbzbzbzbzzbzbzbzbrrrrrrrtt!
Is that better?
I just need to take a shower
and cry.
Oh my God.
Can I help you?
Hello, sir, we are with
the Clover Club.
We try to spread a little
St. Patrick’s Day cheer
by donating baked goods
to prison inmates
who cannot celebrate
this festive time.
Alright, it’s your lucky day,
folks,
some kids brought you
some holiday cheer.
Wha-- Wha-- What’s happening?!
What’s happening?
Hey, there,
we brought you a cake.
I told you to bring me weed,
not a cake!
God dammit.
You -- You should just
enjoy the cake.
You don’t listen to me,
do you?!
You’re incapable of ever doing
anything right because --
Oh, a cake. Gaaaht it.
Thank you very much.
Whu...
Oh, hey, fellas.
How’s your St. Patrick’s Day
going, Butters?
-Pretty good.
-Awesome.
Well, see ya.
What are you gonna do?
It’s simple...
There’s always cops
looking to make a score.
You just gotta find the one
willing to trade some drugs
for a favor.
And once they get a whiff of my
St. Patrick’s Day Special,
they won’t be able to resist.
Oh...
Oh, man, that is strong...
I knew St. Patrick would perform
a miracle to get us out of here!
Just like when he was a slave,
he will help us go free!
White people were slaves
in history? Nuh-uh.
Gah, it’s such a good special,
it’s just such a shame
people are trying to ruin it.
Hey, my bruthuh.
You got a second?
What do you want?
You don’t wanna miss out
on the only white holiday
still allowed, do ya?
How’d you like to be able
to, uh, celebrate a little?
Yeah, of course I would,
but I can’t.
Cop:
Hey guys! How’d you like to be
able to celebrate a little?!
Check it out!
They’re handing out free weed
down at Farty O’Cools!
It’s the Credigree
St. Patrick’s Day Special!
-Wow!
-Awesome!
-Yeah!
Ooh, hey, I’m in.
No!
Ooh da lolly!
St. Patrick’s Day!
Wow, look at it!
I thought I wouldn’t be able
to get wasted till later!
That’s it. It’s over.
My plan is done.
It is not over!
What did St. Patrick say when he
was taken from his homeland
and turned into a slave?!
St. Patrick didn’t give up!
And when the Christians
slandered him
while he was trying to convert
the heathen Irish,
did he give up then?!
Man,
that is strong ass shit.
You can taste the Irishness.
Ererhrhghhghgggh!
This weed is amazing
and it has so much cred.
You know, I’ve never really been
a fan of the holiday Specials,
but this one is really good.
Rahrharhhghgh...
Rahghhgghhggh!
Yeah!
Whoa!
You see?! The power
of St. Patrick compels you!
-Oh!
-Whoa!
-Aah!
-Aah!
Yes, now use
your clover rays!
-Oh! Ugugghghh!
-Whoa!
Me golden coins of spite!
-Oh!
-Oh!
And now
for the thrilling conclusion
of the Credigree
St. Patrick's Day Special.
♪♪
My God! I never thought
we'd sell this much weed!
Keep it up, babe! We've still
got a long way to go!
Hey, everyone! Everyone!
Everyone, quiet!
Turn up the TV!
Once again the town
of South Park is on high alert
after a sexual predator
escaped from custody.
Everyone who's out
at bars or restaurants
for St. Patrick's Day
need to be on the lookout
for the sexual psychopath.
Tom, I'm standing outside
the South Park Police Station,
where just moments ago
a sexual predator broke free.
Surveillance cameras
inside the station
captured the dramatic escape.
Police claim they tried to stop
the felon from escaping,
but they were just,
"Way too high."
Back to to you, Tom.
♪ I've been a wild rover
for many's the year ♪
♪ I've spent all me money
on good weed and beer ♪
Towelie...where is all
the St. Patrick's Day Special?
Randy...I...I thought...
you were in jail.
The weed's all gone, does that
mean you were able to sell it?
Yeah I sort of -- sold it...
at half price...
to Tolkien's dad
across the street.
What?!
You were gone!
Tolkien's dad said
he'd buy all the weed
and I figured
that's what we should do!
So you mean that right now
everyone down at the Irish bar
is enjoying my special
and they don't even know it?!
Randy, I'm sorr--
Raghghgh...
Ahg!
Oof!
Come on, let's go!
Thank you! Thank you!
Thanks for choosing
Credigree Weed!
Stop right there,
you piece a shit!
Is everyone enjoying
the special?!
Randy...
I-I thought you were in jail.
Oh, yes,
so did a lot of people.
But you see
there's just one thing wrong.
This isn't Credigree Weed's
special.
It's moine.
Babe! That's how you got
so much weed?!
I used both.
You see?! This is what happens
when you appropriate a culture!
It's sort of your special and
it's sort of not your special --
and nobody knows
whose special it is.
I guess I just let the holiday
go to my head.
But I learned that --
No! No no no no no!
You don't get to say
what you learned
'cause it's not your special!
This holiday is about Tegridy.
Oh my God! It's him!
It's the sexual predator!
What, what, he's here?!
Uh oh!
Stop right there!
There he is, get him!
Wahggh!
Freeze!
Ahghggh!
Don't move, Weinstein,
you've got nowhere else to go!
Leave the child alone...
♪♪
♪♪
Ohh!
Whoa-a-a!
It's him!
It's St. Patrick!
What...exactly
is going on here.
You've persecuted this little
boy for grabbing people?
Why, it's ridiculous!
You've all besmirched
a perfectly good white holiday.
Where we all like to get drunk
and assault each other!
It's St. Patrick's Day!
-Remember the reason
for the season!
-Oh, my God!
Ooh! Hey!
Who wants a pinch!
Oh, yes, very nice!
Oghg!
Hey, you can't do that, man!
What do you mean
I can't?
Do you know what day it is?!
Ah, see, here we go.
"Kiss me I'm Irish!"
That's more like it!
Oh, my God!
No, you bought the shirt,
bitch!
Come on,
let's have a go!
It's me day!
Take your dick out.
Who wants him to take
his dick out?
I will not!
What is this? Are you people all
some kind of Scottish poofters?
Hey,
that is a homophobic slur!
You're calling me
homophobic?
Because I will gladly
any man here.
We celebrate St. Patrick's Day
for four simple reasons.
I. Love. To.
Wow, St. Patrick, wow.
You're a real jerk.
Yeah, what a creep.
Come on girls, let's go.
To hell with him
and to hell with this
Tegridy Weed
St. Patrick's Day Special.
Aw-- Aww!
Where is everybody going?
This party sucks!
Doesn't anybody want a pinch?
The party is over...
A new day has come...
And now...St. Patrick's Day,
the only holiday left
where white people
could celebrate a culture...
has been cancelled.
And as for the mysterious,
sexually charged being who
groped and assaulted so many.
He...is doing five years
community service.
Once again...
I shoulda never listened
to what they told me in church.
♪
♪
♪
♪ I’m goin’ down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
♪ Goin’ down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting,
"howdy, neighbor!" ♪
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can’t unwind ♪
♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
Eat your breakfast, Stan,
you’re gonna be late for school.
You told me
to finish my homework!
Do both, come on guys,
we gotta get going.
Hey whoa, whoa.
What the is going on?
I’m about to take
the kids to school, why?
Hello?!
It’s St. Patrick’s day.
I know --
I’m wearing green.
You guys this is Tegridy Weed’s
biggest day of the year.
I need help with
the St. Patrick’s Day Special.
Sorry, Randy,
the kids aren’t missing school.
Come on, guys, let’s go --
Okay, yeah, great,
don’t worry about it,
I’ll do it all myself.
Again.
Top O’ the mornin’ to ya!
This is God damn ridiculous.
Piece a shit family...
How’s it going, Randy?
Ugh, I’m just so stressed out!
We have to make
a huge profit today
or the whole year is
How’s the St. Patrick’s Day
Special?
I think it’s better
than last year’s.
Lemme see...
Oh, wow...
Wow...
This is gonna be
our best special ever!
Come on, let’s get the truck
loaded up!
Let’s sell what we can
from our drive up booth,
and then later
we can hit the Irish bar.
What the
♪
Hey! Excuse me!
Oh, good morning, Randy.
What do you think
you’re doing?
Oh. We’re, uh, doing
a St. Patrick’s Day Special.
No you’re not.
Uhh, yeah. We are.
So first you steal my idea
of selling weed
and now you’re stealing my idea
of doing
a St. Patrick’s Day Special!
Pretty sure St. Patrick’s Day
wasn’t your idea.
Is that right? Ok...
Game on, mother
♪ Loo loo loo!
It’s St. Patrick’s Day! ♪
♪ Looo loo loo!
De doot be do! ♪
Come on Butters,
time for school!
Ok, mom!
Ohhh dad, are you wearin’ green
or are you gonna get a pinch?
Ha ha -- I’ve got a green tie
on, you little rascal!
And I’m wearing
a green scarf!
Ok! Well someone’s gettin
a pinch today!
♪
Hey, Clyde!
You got your green on!
Hey Jimmy!
Nice green pants!
Tee-hee! Te hee hee hee!
Happy St. Patrick’s Day,
fellas!
Hey, Butters.
Wul you guys
all look very festive!
Yeah, it’s super fun.
St. Patrick’s Day rules.
Oh, I hope they put green
food coloring in our milk
at lunchtime again
like last year!
Uh-oh!
Hey, Kelly-Ann!
What’s going on?
What do you mean?
Looks like someone forgot
what day it was!
Ha ha! Pi-i-i-i-nch!
I’m sorry! I’m sorry!
I didn’t mean
to do anything wrong, honest!
Do you know
what sexual assault is?
I’m so sorry! Please!
It’s just --
well, she had it comin’
on account of the way
she was dressed!
Ohhh!
Wow, kid, wow!
Alright. Take this shithead
to the station
and book him for sexual assault
of a minor.
Oh, jeez, I didn’t know
Kelly-Ann was a minor!
Wul, she didn’t have
a mining helmet
or a pick axe or anything!
Detective Harris:
Ok, looks like you assaulted
a nine year old girl...
No prior history -- assault took
place at an elementary school.
But...But, sir,
it’s St. Patrick’s Day.
Look, I know!
It’s St. Patrick’s Day, right?
If people don’t wear green,
they get pinched!
Yes! Right!
Yeah...
Only one problem.
The little girl you pinched?
Kelly-Ann Barlow?
She was wearing green socks.
You’re a God damn
sexual predator.
Don’t let him jack off
in here!
These types always mess up
my jail!
Welcome, everyone, welcome.
Thank you for coming
to Credigree Farms!
♪
Randy, we all see you
behind the bush.
Everyone sees you.
Oh. Uh...
A very happy mornin’,
everybody!
And a foine St. Patrick’s Day
to all of ye.
I don’t know if ya noohticed.
But, uh, there’s a farm
across the street
selling weed also --
and the owner is actually
10 par-cent Irish!
So, obviously, you’re upset
that you don’t seem to have
any customers.
What I’m upset about
is a wee little thing
called "cultural appropriation".
Ever heard of it?
That’s why we can’t wear
sombreros on Cinco de Mayo.
Why we can’t dress like Indians
on Halloween.
What’s your point?
I’m looking at my point,
you racist son of a bitch.
You have no right
to wear that stuff.
It is offensive.
Come on, guys!
St. Patrick’s Day is the one day
of the year we have left
where we can actually celebrate
being white.
Any other day that we tried
to be proud of our culture,
we would get immediately
cancelled by Twitter!
And yet for some reason,
you’re all over here,
buying your weed
from someone who is fine
mocking our customs
and traditions.
Maybe they’re here because
my St. Patrick’s Day Special
is better than yours.
Okay, yeah --
yeah, let’s arrest
the white leprechaun.
Cuz, you know,
can’t have one day
for a mostly white culture,
right?
Don’t wanna get cancelled.
I guess don’t arrest him
for cultural appropriations?
Guess -- Guess that only works
one way, huh?
Leopold Stotch?
Yes?
I’m the public defender that’s
been assigned to your case.
Ugh...Okay...Oh, God...
Is there a problem?
Wul, it’s just...I mean...
What you’re wearing.
You know,
it’s St. Patrick’s Day,
you’re not wearing any...
You don’t have
any green socks on, do you?
No, I’m wearing yellow socks.
Ohhhhh God...
I wanna pinch you so bad...
I’m here to help you, ok?
Now, this woman
that you’re accused of groping,
were you two in any kind of
relationship?
No, ma’am, could you --
maybe put on
some green lipstick
or something?
Before you touched the victim,
did she give you any kind of
consent?
Wul, technically, yes!
I mean, St. Patrick’s Day
is a wonderful day
where we remember a British
Roman man who went to Ireland
and converted the whole country
to Christianity!
And he used a clover
to represent the Holy Trinity,
so we’re supposed to celebrate
that by wearing green
and if you don’t wear green
you get a pinch!
And who is this St. Patrick
to you?
See?!
That’s the problem!
Nobody knows how great
he really was.
Okay...
Can you show me where on the
body you touched the girl?
Oh, God...
Did you put your fingers
inside her?
I didn’t finger nothin!
I swear it was just a tiny
little St. Patrick’s Day pinch!
It was - It was like this!
Ohhhg!
Oh!
I am not representing
this animal!
Ohhgu!
We got some more
St. Patrick’s Day offenders.
Well, it’s 10 a.m. and you
people are already wasted, huh?
Yeah, yeah, copper,
you got me, big deal.
♪
♪
Dear St. Patrick...
If you’re really up there...
I’ve always done my best
to honor you
on this most holy day...
You went to Ireland, and you got
all those pagan worshippers
to follow Christ.
If there’s any way...
that you could help me now...
just, like, send me a leprechaun
or something...
I will be forever
your dark servant.
Amen...
Alright,
we got us another one!
Let’s go, buddy.
Yeah yeah, you don’t have
to push me, copper.
Whoa...
When are you people
gonna learn, huh?
It’s not even lunchtime,
for Christ’s sake.
I want my phone call.
Wow wee,
are you a real leprechaun?
Yeah, I’m a real
leprechaun!
Alright! Are we gonna
bust outta here or what?
Hell yeah
we’re gonna bust outta here,
what do you have planned?
Black Announcer:
Awww, yeah...
And now back
to the Credigree Weed
St. Patrick’s Day Special.
Alright, there you go,
happy St. Patrick’s Day
and thanks for buying Credigree!
Good afternoon, sir!
Are you the creator
of Credigree Weed?
I am.
Well, I’m the owner of the Irish
bar here in town. Farty O’Cools.
We’ve got thousands
of patrons today
and I’m looking to score
some weed.
You need marijuana
for the Irish bar.
Well, everyone’s been drinkin’
since 9 a.m.
But now they need something
to take the edge off
until they start doing coke
at 7:30.
Well, I’m sure
we can help you out.
How much Credigree
are you looking to buy?
Oh, I’d say we need about...
Oh, two and a half tons of yer
St. Patrick’s Day Special.
Two and a half tons...
Alright! Well, we’ll see ya down
at Farty O’Cools!
Are you crazy?
How are we gonna get that much
weed together in time?
I don’t know, babe,
but this could really make
our whole fiscal year!
I just hope you’re not overdoin’
it again.
Don’t worry, we’re gonna blow
everyone’s mind
with our St. Patrick’s Day
Special!
Awesome...
green hamburgers...
How clever...
Hello?
Uh, yes, this is Randy Marsh,
I’ve been incarcerated.
I need to speak
with my attorney.
Dad, it’s me.
You called the wrong person.
Yes, I am aware of that.
Listen to me carefully.
The canary is in the cage.
I don’t know what the
you’re talking about.
Oh, a confidential matter?
Lawyer client privilege.
Uh, you know, there’s an officer
standing right here, actually.
Oh -- Oh it’s ok,
he’s stepping away.
Stan!
They got me locked up,
you’re gonna have to help me
break outta here.
We have to stop them.
Stop who.
Listen to me -- is your friend
Tolkien there?
Yeah, Tol-l-l-kien
is sitting right here.
Yeah, well,
his piece a shit dad
is trying to take over
the St. Patrick’s Day Special!
I don’t care.
You better care, because
if we don’t make money today
you and sister are gonna starve.
Do you understand?
And I won’t be able
to pay the Wi-Fi bill.
Okay, what do you want me
to do?
I need you to leave school,
go home,
and get a jar of the
St. Patrick’s Day Special weed
and sneak it into
the police station.
Dad, it’s St. Patrick’s Day.
We’re gonna do a scavenger hunt
at recess.
I’m asking you
to do one little thing.
Ditch school, get weed,
sneak into the police station.
Do it or no more Wi-Fi,
I mean it!
Piece a shit lawyer!
Butters:
St. Patrick was not Irish.
He was a Roman British man
who was made a slave
by Irish Barbarians.
But St. Patrick
heard the voice of God...
and he used his situation
for good,
and God told him to be brave!
And that is why --
on this one day of the year,
we must be like St. Patrick
ourselves!
The police don’t even care
about St. Patrick’s Day!
Do you see any of them
wearing green?! No!
If we do St. Patrick’s bidding,
he will provide for us!
Okay, back in you go.
Pi-i-i-i-nch!
Oh my God! Oh my God!
He just touched me and he didn’t
ask for consent or anything.
Ok, ok,
I’ll take care of it --
Bzbzbzbzbzzbzbzbzbrrrrrrrtt!
Is that better?
I just need to take a shower
and cry.
Oh my God.
Can I help you?
Hello, sir, we are with
the Clover Club.
We try to spread a little
St. Patrick’s Day cheer
by donating baked goods
to prison inmates
who cannot celebrate
this festive time.
Alright, it’s your lucky day,
folks,
some kids brought you
some holiday cheer.
Wha-- Wha-- What’s happening?!
What’s happening?
Hey, there,
we brought you a cake.
I told you to bring me weed,
not a cake!
God dammit.
You -- You should just
enjoy the cake.
You don’t listen to me,
do you?!
You’re incapable of ever doing
anything right because --
Oh, a cake. Gaaaht it.
Thank you very much.
Whu...
Oh, hey, fellas.
How’s your St. Patrick’s Day
going, Butters?
-Pretty good.
-Awesome.
Well, see ya.
What are you gonna do?
It’s simple...
There’s always cops
looking to make a score.
You just gotta find the one
willing to trade some drugs
for a favor.
And once they get a whiff of my
St. Patrick’s Day Special,
they won’t be able to resist.
Oh...
Oh, man, that is strong...
I knew St. Patrick would perform
a miracle to get us out of here!
Just like when he was a slave,
he will help us go free!
White people were slaves
in history? Nuh-uh.
Gah, it’s such a good special,
it’s just such a shame
people are trying to ruin it.
Hey, my bruthuh.
You got a second?
What do you want?
You don’t wanna miss out
on the only white holiday
still allowed, do ya?
How’d you like to be able
to, uh, celebrate a little?
Yeah, of course I would,
but I can’t.
Cop:
Hey guys! How’d you like to be
able to celebrate a little?!
Check it out!
They’re handing out free weed
down at Farty O’Cools!
It’s the Credigree
St. Patrick’s Day Special!
-Wow!
-Awesome!
-Yeah!
Ooh, hey, I’m in.
No!
Ooh da lolly!
St. Patrick’s Day!
Wow, look at it!
I thought I wouldn’t be able
to get wasted till later!
That’s it. It’s over.
My plan is done.
It is not over!
What did St. Patrick say when he
was taken from his homeland
and turned into a slave?!
St. Patrick didn’t give up!
And when the Christians
slandered him
while he was trying to convert
the heathen Irish,
did he give up then?!
Man,
that is strong ass shit.
You can taste the Irishness.
Ererhrhghhghgggh!
This weed is amazing
and it has so much cred.
You know, I’ve never really been
a fan of the holiday Specials,
but this one is really good.
Rahrharhhghgh...
Rahghhgghhggh!
Yeah!
Whoa!
You see?! The power
of St. Patrick compels you!
-Oh!
-Whoa!
-Aah!
-Aah!
Yes, now use
your clover rays!
-Oh! Ugugghghh!
-Whoa!
Me golden coins of spite!
-Oh!
-Oh!
And now
for the thrilling conclusion
of the Credigree
St. Patrick's Day Special.
♪♪
My God! I never thought
we'd sell this much weed!
Keep it up, babe! We've still
got a long way to go!
Hey, everyone! Everyone!
Everyone, quiet!
Turn up the TV!
Once again the town
of South Park is on high alert
after a sexual predator
escaped from custody.
Everyone who's out
at bars or restaurants
for St. Patrick's Day
need to be on the lookout
for the sexual psychopath.
Tom, I'm standing outside
the South Park Police Station,
where just moments ago
a sexual predator broke free.
Surveillance cameras
inside the station
captured the dramatic escape.
Police claim they tried to stop
the felon from escaping,
but they were just,
"Way too high."
Back to to you, Tom.
♪ I've been a wild rover
for many's the year ♪
♪ I've spent all me money
on good weed and beer ♪
Towelie...where is all
the St. Patrick's Day Special?
Randy...I...I thought...
you were in jail.
The weed's all gone, does that
mean you were able to sell it?
Yeah I sort of -- sold it...
at half price...
to Tolkien's dad
across the street.
What?!
You were gone!
Tolkien's dad said
he'd buy all the weed
and I figured
that's what we should do!
So you mean that right now
everyone down at the Irish bar
is enjoying my special
and they don't even know it?!
Randy, I'm sorr--
Raghghgh...
Ahg!
Oof!
Come on, let's go!
Thank you! Thank you!
Thanks for choosing
Credigree Weed!
Stop right there,
you piece a shit!
Is everyone enjoying
the special?!
Randy...
I-I thought you were in jail.
Oh, yes,
so did a lot of people.
But you see
there's just one thing wrong.
This isn't Credigree Weed's
special.
It's moine.
Babe! That's how you got
so much weed?!
I used both.
You see?! This is what happens
when you appropriate a culture!
It's sort of your special and
it's sort of not your special --
and nobody knows
whose special it is.
I guess I just let the holiday
go to my head.
But I learned that --
No! No no no no no!
You don't get to say
what you learned
'cause it's not your special!
This holiday is about Tegridy.
Oh my God! It's him!
It's the sexual predator!
What, what, he's here?!
Uh oh!
Stop right there!
There he is, get him!
Wahggh!
Freeze!
Ahghggh!
Don't move, Weinstein,
you've got nowhere else to go!
Leave the child alone...
♪♪
♪♪
Ohh!
Whoa-a-a!
It's him!
It's St. Patrick!
What...exactly
is going on here.
You've persecuted this little
boy for grabbing people?
Why, it's ridiculous!
You've all besmirched
a perfectly good white holiday.
Where we all like to get drunk
and assault each other!
It's St. Patrick's Day!
-Remember the reason
for the season!
-Oh, my God!
Ooh! Hey!
Who wants a pinch!
Oh, yes, very nice!
Oghg!
Hey, you can't do that, man!
What do you mean
I can't?
Do you know what day it is?!
Ah, see, here we go.
"Kiss me I'm Irish!"
That's more like it!
Oh, my God!
No, you bought the shirt,
bitch!
Come on,
let's have a go!
It's me day!
Take your dick out.
Who wants him to take
his dick out?
I will not!
What is this? Are you people all
some kind of Scottish poofters?
Hey,
that is a homophobic slur!
You're calling me
homophobic?
Because I will gladly
any man here.
We celebrate St. Patrick's Day
for four simple reasons.
I. Love. To.
Wow, St. Patrick, wow.
You're a real jerk.
Yeah, what a creep.
Come on girls, let's go.
To hell with him
and to hell with this
Tegridy Weed
St. Patrick's Day Special.
Aw-- Aww!
Where is everybody going?
This party sucks!
Doesn't anybody want a pinch?
The party is over...
A new day has come...
And now...St. Patrick's Day,
the only holiday left
where white people
could celebrate a culture...
has been cancelled.
And as for the mysterious,
sexually charged being who
groped and assaulted so many.
He...is doing five years
community service.
Once again...
I shoulda never listened
to what they told me in church.
♪
♪
♪