South Park (1997–…): Season 23, Episode 4 - Let Them Eat Goo - full transcript
The citizens of South Park are moving toward a completely plant-based diet. Cartman is pretty sure the new food in the cafeteria gave him a heart attack.
♪♪
Randy:
♪ Goin' down to Tegridy Farms,
gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
♪ Goin' down to Tegridy Farms,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ There's ample parking
day or night ♪
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor" ♪
♪ I'm headin' on down
to Tegridy Farms ♪
♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind
Towelie: I got some weed,
and...
I don't know what's going on.
Randy: ♪ So come on down
to Tegridy Farms ♪
♪ And meet some friends
of mine ♪
♪♪
Good morning, everyone...
good morning.
So listen, guys,
we are not in good shape.
The whole
doing-business-in-China thing
has sort of
bitten us in the ass.
And now we aren't selling enough
weed to keep up with our costs.
You see this?
This right here?
That's us plateauing.
We no longer get any of that
sweet Chinese money
and now,
all the money we do make
doesn't even cover our expenses.
So, how do we sell more weed?
Stan?
[ Scoffs ]
I don't know.
Do, like a sale?
Like a fall sale?
Not good enough!
Shelley?
I hate marijuana.
Nice attitude. How do we sell
more weed? Sharon?
If you don't make commercials
or do more parades for the town
we'd have more money.
Right, cut out
all our marketing.
That's Sharon's great idea,
everyone. Towelie?
You know what the problem is,
it's the schwag.
All those stands and seeds,
they just go to waste, man.
Go on.
It's like -- we sell
all the good parts of the weed
but we throw away, like,
tons and tons
of all
the left over shit.
You can sell that crap as mulch
to a hardware company.
Mulch.
Use our discarded product to
recover costs.
Everyone, great job.
You just got pwned by a towel.
♪ It's Sloppy Joe Day!
Both:
♪ It's Sloppy Joe Day!
I seriously think
that Sloppy Joe Day
is my favorite day
at school.
Yeah, it's the best.
Both: ♪ Sloppy Joe Day
it's sloppy Joe day! ♪
Come on,
keep the line moving, kids!
What is this?
That's today's lunch.
It's feesh.
[fish]
Feesh?
But, but this is
Sloppy Joe Day.
Yeah, well,
the menu's been changed.
We had kids complainin'
our food wasn't healthy
or sustainable enough so don't
you start bitchin' about it now.
What kids were complaining about
health and sustainability?!
What kids would care at all
that -- [Gasps]
The girls!
The girls?
The [bleep] girls.
Excuse me!
Can someone explain to us why
this is on our lunch trays?
Yeah, it's supposed to be
Sloppy Joe Day!
We asked for
healthier options
and to sometimes have food
for those of us
who don't eat red meat.
Oh, my God.
I'm about to lose my mind...
You think you can just mess with
a man's lunch --
It's okay Eric --
You think that your ideas
about health and nutrition --
should be somehow
interfering with mine --
Eric, Eric...
You dictate what foods
I can eat --
Urk!
[ Tray clatters ]
[ Gasping, grunting ]
Eric? Eric?
I can't. I can't.
Butters, I can't...
[ Whump ]
[ Food splatters ]
[ Siren wails ]
[ Monitor beeping ]
[ Shockers charge ]
Clear.
[ Thump ]
We got him back.
[Bleep] you, Wendy.
♪♪
How much you think
we'll get for our mulch?
Even if we only get
ten cents a pound,
we have, like,
a million pounds of it.
This is gonna
save our business.
I'm really hungry
all of a sudden,
you want some
Burger King?
Yeah, I'll take some
onion rings.
♪♪
Welcome to Burger King,
can I take your order?
Uh, hi, can I get, um,
large onion rings...
The big Coke Zero and, um...
What's an Impossible burger?
It's a
plant-based burger, sir.
Plant based?
You mean, like,
it's not, like, a cow?
No sir,
it's completely vegan,
but it's engineered to replicate
the taste and texture of beef.
Huh.
Okay I'll try it.
[ Cash register beeps ]
♪♪
Hey,
this tastes like shit.
You guys make money
off of this?
They're very popular, sir.
A lot of people care about the
environment and sustainability.
Ah, that, that's amazing.
I mean, this seriously
tastes like dog shit.
and you get people to buy it?
Wait a minute...
Plant based...
Plant.
Based...
Plant based. Oh, my God.
[ Bell rings ]
Comin', through!
Make way!
Hey guys,
how's it going?
You're out of
the hospital?
Yes. The girls tried to kill me,
but they didn't succeed.
However we cannot let
the girls' protests
ruin our lunch ever again.
Nichole:
Oh, gimme a break!
It's not just girls
who want to change the menu,
it's boys too!
Yeah!
I want vegan food!
A lot of students
are protesting!
Well their protesting
is ruining my lunch!
We have a right
to free speech!
Yes, we do all have
freedom of speech,
but at times there are
ramifications for the negative
that can happen,
when you're not thinking
about others and you're only
thinking for yourself!
Woah, woah, woah-
what's going on, kids!
the protestors are trying to
kill Eric again Mr. Mackey!
M'kay, kids, we don't want
another incident here, m'kay?
When you try to
change people's lunch,
they don't realize it harms
people financially, physically,
emotionally, and spiritually.
[ Grunts ]
Eric, it's okay.
We aren't going to change the
school menu, m'kay?
Everything's fine.
That's not fair!
Doesn't it matter
we're being silenced?!
[ Gasps ]
My lunch!
Girls, I'm sorry. But
the health of our students
has to come first.
♪♪
Gerald, thanks for coming.
You're not going to
believe this.
Believe what?
Your text said that --
Come on!
Come on! Come on!
I think I've perfected it,
Gerald.
I've made a sustainable,
healthy alternative to meat.
I want you to to try it.
It's a hamburger?
It's a Tegridy burger.
Go ahead.
Try it.
Well?
[ Muffled, mouthful ]
It tastes like shit.
Yeah, it's plant based.
But keep eating it though.
I just -- I just
don't think it's very good.
Randy wait for it.
Wait for it.
Oh.
Oh-ho!
[ Both laughing ]
Huh?
Yeah, it's good.
Yeah, right?
It's really
[bleep] good, man.
This is like the best burger
I've ever had!
And you can eat a lot of 'em
and not feel bloated.
Towelie's had, like, 12!
Best burgers I ever had.
[ Indistinct chatter ]
Mmm.
Mmm. Oh, my God.
School cafeteria ribs.
After all that yogurt and crap
they gave me at the hospital.
Mmm!
♪ I love
Barbecue Rib Day ♪
♪ Yeah, I think maybe
I like Rib Day ♪
♪ Even more than
Sloppy Joe Day ♪
♪ It's a difficult choice
Wendy: Everyone? Everyone, can I
have your attention, please?
Look, guys. We're supposed to be
the young generation, right?
We're the ones upset about
the world our parents left us.
Yeah, but eating
this kind of food
makes us all
just as guilty.
The millions and millions
of cows and pigs and chickens
that we harvest every year are a
huge reason for climate change.
It is up to us as students
to protest for change.
Young voices matter!
Without sustainable
and ethical food choices now,
we're proving to be no --
[ Yells ]
Can I please just enjoy my lunch
for five God damn minutes.
You gotta calm down, Eric,
Remember your condition --
We all have freedom of speech
but stop talking about climate
change during lunchtime!
Okay, let's sit down.
Some of us are trying to
just enjoy some simple
God damn barbecue ribs
and I --
[Grunting, groaning ]
Oh, God they did it
to me again, Butters.
Eric!
I think this is the big one.
Don't let me die.
Somebody, help!
Don't let me d-
don't let me die, butters!
[ Groaning ]
[ Siren wails ]
Clear.
[ Thump ]
We got him back.
[Bleep] you Wendy.
So that's one Whopper,
one order of chicken strings,
and a medium beverage...
Randy: Burgers!
Get your burgers here!
Okay that'll be fif--
Plant-based burgers
for sale!
Excuse me one moment.
Get your hamburgers here!
Plant-based burgers for sale!
Hey!
What are you doing?
I'm sellin' hamburgers! All
natural, completely plant based.
Thank you sir.
You can't sell hamburgers here,
this is a Burger King!
You sell hamburgers here.
Yeah, you sell
hamburgers here.
This is seriously
as good or better
than a real hamburger.
Can I get a couple more
to take to work?
Hey now look, buddy!
I'm not gonna lose customers
because of you!
We have plant-based burgers
inside as well!
Come try
our Impossible burger!
Tegridy burger! Made locally
right here in South Park!
Tegridy burger.
Stop that!
Alright, everyone, listen up.
As you know,
there are several students
protesting the school menu.
But there are other students
who are voicing
their concerns against changes.
Eric Cartman is still recovering
in the hospital,
we all wish him well.
[ Clears throat ]
Now the school has been
looking into several options
to deal with problem.
And I do believe
we have found a compromise.
We have found a new company
in the plant-based
fast food industry
who would like to be
the supplier
for our cafeteria.
And so please welcome the
founder of Incredible Meat.
[ Claps ]
Hello, children.
I want to thank you
and I want to thank
your fine principal,
for hearing me out.
I take plants
and I process them into goo.
I am a goo man.
I have factories
all over the country.
I have trucks right now
loaded with goo
that can be here
within the week.
The goo I speak of
can be made into anything.
It can be made into tacos.
It can be made into hot dogs.
And I promise you
that none of your students
will know the difference.
I would very much like to be
the plant-based meat vendor
for your school.
I would like to be
the plant-based meat vendor
for your town.
I'm a simple family man
and a vegetarian.
I would like the opportunity
to make you all
vegetarians as well.
And I thank you.
Randy:
Eating meat doesn't just hurt
animals, it hurts people.
It takes 13 pounds of grain
to produce
just 1 pound of animal meat.
All that plant food
could be used
much more efficiently
if people just ate it directly.
Meat is also
not environmentally friendly.
Meat production is wasteful
and causes
enormous amounts of pollution,
and the meat industry
is one of the biggest --
Huh?
Oh, I was just saying
that adopting a vegan diet
is way more effective
than switching to
a "greener" car in the fight
against climate change.
For your health,
for our planet,
for the animals,
and for each other.
We have to switch
to plant-based foods.
Now, i-it just so happens...
[ Sighs deeply ]
♪ Cheeba
♪ Cheeba, cheeba
♪ Cheeba
Cheeba, cheeba.
♪ Cheeba, cheeba
You gotta be kidding me!
Randy: It's our grand opening!
Come and visit your town's only
plant-based burger joint!
It's not the town's
only plant-based burger joint!
♪ Cheeba, cheeba-cheeba
[ Indistinct talking ]
Celebrate our grand opening --
Tegridy Burger.
♪ Jeeba, jeeba ♪
♪ Jeeba-jeeba ♪
[ Indistinct talking ]
Here he comes!
[ Talking stops ]
♪ It's Taco Tuesday
♪ It's T-Taco --
[ Students murmur ]
Mr. Mackey.
Oh, h-hello, Eric.
What's going on, Butters?
♪ It's Taco Tuesday
[ Weakly ]
♪ It's Taco Tuesday
These tacos look different.
What kind are they?
They're...
Incredible Beef Tacos.
Oh, Incredible Beef Tacos.
That sounds nice.
Hmm?
[ Sniffs ]
[ Taco crunches ]
[ Taco crunches ]
Did you guys see that
new "Joker" movie?
Oh, thank God.
It worked.
[ Bell dings ]
Welcome City Wok.
I take a order, please.
Are you the owner
of this restaurant?
Yes.
I take a order, please.
I'd like to
do business with you.
Your establishment
here is perfect
for my plant-based meats.
You see, I am a goo man.
If you carry my product,
Incredible Meats,
we can put the word "incredible"
before all of your dishes.
You mean,
instead of City Chicken,
I could have
Incredible City Chicken?
That is correct.
You mean instead
of City Mongorian Beef,
I can have
Incredibly City Mongorian Beef?
That's right.
You're saying now
I can have scallops with
Incredibly City XO Sauce?!
Okay! Sign me up!
That is most excellent!
Now, how many customers
on average do you have
per day?
Including my wife?
Uh, zero to one per day.
That's it.
Yeah, I got no customers now
that a Tegridy Burger opened up.
Everyone want
plant-based food now.
That's why I'm ready
you sign me up.
What is Tegridy Burger?
Yeah, here you look.
Down the block.
Most popular place
in town.
Is that so?!
Hey!
Hey, what about
my Incredibly City Chicken?
[ Knocks on door ]
Whatchu doin',
you sum bitch?
Excuse me?
I'm the biggest cattle rancher
in South Park.
I made my livin' 62 odd years
before you fancy plant growers
done showed up
and put me outta job!
Well I'm sorry,
Mr. Cow Killer...
but this is called
"evolution."
I got 300 cows that
the world has suddenly decided
they got no use fer!
What am I supposed to do
with 'em -- Put em in a zoo?
What they gonna do now,
go start a cow circus?
Go make some cow TV show?
You are single handedly making
cows extinct, you!
You gotta plan
for 'em all?! Fine!
Come on!
[ Whistles ]
[ Cows moo ]
Farmer: Come on!
Yah! Come on!
Mr. Plant-Based Burgers here
is gonna take care of you now!
Yeah, don't worry.
He cares about the environment.
So he can figure out
what to do with you.
[ Chuckling ] Hey.
[Bleep] you.
No, [bleep] you,
sum bitch!
They're your problem now.
[ Burger wrapper crinkles ]
[ Groaning ]
[ Breathes deeply ]
[ Groaning resumes ]
Teacher?
Mm! Mnm-mnm.
[ Groaning continues ]
[ Bell rings ]
Lunchtime!
Walk don't run, mm-kay.
Cartman: Hey, Butters!
Wait up, dude.
You know what
today is, right?
♪ It's Salisbury
Steak Day ♪
♪ Salisbury Steak Day,
it's Salis-- ♪
[ Weakly ]
♪ Salisbury Steak Day
Butters,
is something going on?
Your lunch dances
aren't the same.
Eric, I...
I just hate lying to you.
I mean you've been
in the hospital -- twice.
I feel guilty.
Guilty? About what?
It's our lunches, Eric.
It's...
Incredible Meat.
Yes,
I think it's pretty good.
No, Eric!
See, there was this guy.
He's a goo man.
The [bleep] is a goo man?!
[ Cows mooing ]
Go on, shoo!
Hey! God damn it!
[ Cows mooing ]
I don't know
what we're gonna do.
These cows are eating
all our weed,
and they're shitting
everywhere!
They're gonna put us completely
out of business.
Can't you find anyone else
to take 'em?
Nobody wants cows
anymore!
They're bad for
climate change.
We gotta kill 'em.
What?!
They're ruining
our burger business!
We gotta kill
all these cows!
How are we gonna do that?
Look, it's not
gonna be easy.
It's not something
anyone wants to do but...
we're just gonna have
to get really, really high.
[ Song playing ]
[ Burgers sizzle ]
♪♪
[ Cows moo ]
♪♪
[ Cow moos ]
[ Cow moos ]
[ Cows mooing ]
♪♪
Randy: Yeah!
♪♪
Yee-haw!
[ Cow moos ]
♪♪
I've been in your town
a little while now.
What I see is a community
that is ready for change.
You see, I am a goo man.
What I serve
in your school cafeteria
is a synthetically-modulated
plant protein.
I have taken over
nearly all
the fast food restaurants
here in town
and teamed up with the fine
people in your community.
This my new regional
manager, H.W.
It's Rick.
Shut up, H.W.
You see, I'm trying to reach
all the school cafeterias,
all the stadiums,
fast food restaurants,
all the places that
serve shitty food
and serve shitty goo.
The goo for these kind of places
is made in a factory.
It's made in a lab.
It's just down-market goo.
[ Farting ]
But I can tell people
it's healthy and earth friendly,
and I can send my goo
through a network of pipes
running all the way
to the ocean.
So, that it can be
eaten by people
who eat crappy food anyway --
from coast to coast.
And that what
we have for school lunch now?
That's what all the kids decided
while I wasn't there?
But you see,
It doesn't work
unless I own all
the crappy food places.
Mr. Rancher?
Y-Yes sir.
Mr. Goo Man?
Have you done
what I've asked you to do?
It's all done, sir.
You'll have everything you need.
Well if you don't mind boys,
I have work to tend to.
Me too. I need to have a word
with the students at my school.
Oh, God, Eric!
What are you gonna do?!
It has become the most popular
burger in Colorado.
The plant-based Tegridy Burger
is changing the way
people think about food.
All over the state,
people are turning vegan
and eating more ethical
sustainable meat.
[ Tires screech, engine revs ]
[ Tires screech, engine revs ]
I'm standing now
with Randy Marsh,
the owner
of Tegridy Burger,
and, Mr. Marsh,
you must be pretty excited.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yeah, you know,
we're all just --
We're all just bein'
healthy and ethical over here!
Uh-huh, and, Mr. Marsh,
what about the student protests
coming out against your burger
right now?!
Huh?
Students are
coming forward,
saying that Tegridy Farms
is unethical and hypocritical.
That's right!
Tegridy Burger is a fraud!
We caught their farm on camera.
Just take a look!
We warn you,
the following footage
is graphic.
[ Cows mooing ]
[ Crowd groans ]
[ Randy laughing ]
[ Cow moos ]
[ Crowd boos ]
Mr. Marsh, what do you have
to say about these images?
Oh, hey.
[Bleep] you!
Oh, they were --
They were just --
We didn't eat 'em!
[ Crowd booing ]
[ Indistinct talking ]
[ Door slams ]
Hey, guys, looks like
I almost missed lunch.
Oh, God.
Someone's gonna die.
I found out about what
we're eating here at the school.
I found out
what it's made of and where!
N-Now, Eric, stay calm, mm-kay!
We're sorry.
We were just trying
to find a compromise!
Now just be calm.
What are you sorry about?
It's me who owes all you guys
an apology.
I thought you guys
were all trying
to force me to eat healthy,
but I've learned
that a lot of this stuff
is made in a factory
and processed with tons of salt
just like all my favorite foods!
SpaghettiOs,
Rice-A-Roni...
Here I was thinking
what you wanted
was stuff
from a farmers market.
I just didn't want
my food to change.
School cafeteria meat
is just processed crap
that comes in a box,
and this is...
just processed crap
that comes in a box.
I don't have a problem with it.
All I wanted was to be able
to eat the same garbage
I always have,
and this is definitely garbage.
And hey, if it happens to
be more ethical and sustainable,
well, I guess
I'm fine with that, too.
So, you see, guys?
There was actually
no reason to protest!
We were actually all
on the same page all the time!
At least we learned
that freedom of speech
truly doesn't matter!
Come on, let's eat!
♪ It's Processed
Meat-Like Substance Day ♪
♪ It's Processed
Meat-Like Substance Day ♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Randy:
♪ Goin' down to Tegridy Farms,
gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
♪ Goin' down to Tegridy Farms,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ There's ample parking
day or night ♪
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor" ♪
♪ I'm headin' on down
to Tegridy Farms ♪
♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind
Towelie: I got some weed,
and...
I don't know what's going on.
Randy: ♪ So come on down
to Tegridy Farms ♪
♪ And meet some friends
of mine ♪
♪♪
Good morning, everyone...
good morning.
So listen, guys,
we are not in good shape.
The whole
doing-business-in-China thing
has sort of
bitten us in the ass.
And now we aren't selling enough
weed to keep up with our costs.
You see this?
This right here?
That's us plateauing.
We no longer get any of that
sweet Chinese money
and now,
all the money we do make
doesn't even cover our expenses.
So, how do we sell more weed?
Stan?
[ Scoffs ]
I don't know.
Do, like a sale?
Like a fall sale?
Not good enough!
Shelley?
I hate marijuana.
Nice attitude. How do we sell
more weed? Sharon?
If you don't make commercials
or do more parades for the town
we'd have more money.
Right, cut out
all our marketing.
That's Sharon's great idea,
everyone. Towelie?
You know what the problem is,
it's the schwag.
All those stands and seeds,
they just go to waste, man.
Go on.
It's like -- we sell
all the good parts of the weed
but we throw away, like,
tons and tons
of all
the left over shit.
You can sell that crap as mulch
to a hardware company.
Mulch.
Use our discarded product to
recover costs.
Everyone, great job.
You just got pwned by a towel.
♪ It's Sloppy Joe Day!
Both:
♪ It's Sloppy Joe Day!
I seriously think
that Sloppy Joe Day
is my favorite day
at school.
Yeah, it's the best.
Both: ♪ Sloppy Joe Day
it's sloppy Joe day! ♪
Come on,
keep the line moving, kids!
What is this?
That's today's lunch.
It's feesh.
[fish]
Feesh?
But, but this is
Sloppy Joe Day.
Yeah, well,
the menu's been changed.
We had kids complainin'
our food wasn't healthy
or sustainable enough so don't
you start bitchin' about it now.
What kids were complaining about
health and sustainability?!
What kids would care at all
that -- [Gasps]
The girls!
The girls?
The [bleep] girls.
Excuse me!
Can someone explain to us why
this is on our lunch trays?
Yeah, it's supposed to be
Sloppy Joe Day!
We asked for
healthier options
and to sometimes have food
for those of us
who don't eat red meat.
Oh, my God.
I'm about to lose my mind...
You think you can just mess with
a man's lunch --
It's okay Eric --
You think that your ideas
about health and nutrition --
should be somehow
interfering with mine --
Eric, Eric...
You dictate what foods
I can eat --
Urk!
[ Tray clatters ]
[ Gasping, grunting ]
Eric? Eric?
I can't. I can't.
Butters, I can't...
[ Whump ]
[ Food splatters ]
[ Siren wails ]
[ Monitor beeping ]
[ Shockers charge ]
Clear.
[ Thump ]
We got him back.
[Bleep] you, Wendy.
♪♪
How much you think
we'll get for our mulch?
Even if we only get
ten cents a pound,
we have, like,
a million pounds of it.
This is gonna
save our business.
I'm really hungry
all of a sudden,
you want some
Burger King?
Yeah, I'll take some
onion rings.
♪♪
Welcome to Burger King,
can I take your order?
Uh, hi, can I get, um,
large onion rings...
The big Coke Zero and, um...
What's an Impossible burger?
It's a
plant-based burger, sir.
Plant based?
You mean, like,
it's not, like, a cow?
No sir,
it's completely vegan,
but it's engineered to replicate
the taste and texture of beef.
Huh.
Okay I'll try it.
[ Cash register beeps ]
♪♪
Hey,
this tastes like shit.
You guys make money
off of this?
They're very popular, sir.
A lot of people care about the
environment and sustainability.
Ah, that, that's amazing.
I mean, this seriously
tastes like dog shit.
and you get people to buy it?
Wait a minute...
Plant based...
Plant.
Based...
Plant based. Oh, my God.
[ Bell rings ]
Comin', through!
Make way!
Hey guys,
how's it going?
You're out of
the hospital?
Yes. The girls tried to kill me,
but they didn't succeed.
However we cannot let
the girls' protests
ruin our lunch ever again.
Nichole:
Oh, gimme a break!
It's not just girls
who want to change the menu,
it's boys too!
Yeah!
I want vegan food!
A lot of students
are protesting!
Well their protesting
is ruining my lunch!
We have a right
to free speech!
Yes, we do all have
freedom of speech,
but at times there are
ramifications for the negative
that can happen,
when you're not thinking
about others and you're only
thinking for yourself!
Woah, woah, woah-
what's going on, kids!
the protestors are trying to
kill Eric again Mr. Mackey!
M'kay, kids, we don't want
another incident here, m'kay?
When you try to
change people's lunch,
they don't realize it harms
people financially, physically,
emotionally, and spiritually.
[ Grunts ]
Eric, it's okay.
We aren't going to change the
school menu, m'kay?
Everything's fine.
That's not fair!
Doesn't it matter
we're being silenced?!
[ Gasps ]
My lunch!
Girls, I'm sorry. But
the health of our students
has to come first.
♪♪
Gerald, thanks for coming.
You're not going to
believe this.
Believe what?
Your text said that --
Come on!
Come on! Come on!
I think I've perfected it,
Gerald.
I've made a sustainable,
healthy alternative to meat.
I want you to to try it.
It's a hamburger?
It's a Tegridy burger.
Go ahead.
Try it.
Well?
[ Muffled, mouthful ]
It tastes like shit.
Yeah, it's plant based.
But keep eating it though.
I just -- I just
don't think it's very good.
Randy wait for it.
Wait for it.
Oh.
Oh-ho!
[ Both laughing ]
Huh?
Yeah, it's good.
Yeah, right?
It's really
[bleep] good, man.
This is like the best burger
I've ever had!
And you can eat a lot of 'em
and not feel bloated.
Towelie's had, like, 12!
Best burgers I ever had.
[ Indistinct chatter ]
Mmm.
Mmm. Oh, my God.
School cafeteria ribs.
After all that yogurt and crap
they gave me at the hospital.
Mmm!
♪ I love
Barbecue Rib Day ♪
♪ Yeah, I think maybe
I like Rib Day ♪
♪ Even more than
Sloppy Joe Day ♪
♪ It's a difficult choice
Wendy: Everyone? Everyone, can I
have your attention, please?
Look, guys. We're supposed to be
the young generation, right?
We're the ones upset about
the world our parents left us.
Yeah, but eating
this kind of food
makes us all
just as guilty.
The millions and millions
of cows and pigs and chickens
that we harvest every year are a
huge reason for climate change.
It is up to us as students
to protest for change.
Young voices matter!
Without sustainable
and ethical food choices now,
we're proving to be no --
[ Yells ]
Can I please just enjoy my lunch
for five God damn minutes.
You gotta calm down, Eric,
Remember your condition --
We all have freedom of speech
but stop talking about climate
change during lunchtime!
Okay, let's sit down.
Some of us are trying to
just enjoy some simple
God damn barbecue ribs
and I --
[Grunting, groaning ]
Oh, God they did it
to me again, Butters.
Eric!
I think this is the big one.
Don't let me die.
Somebody, help!
Don't let me d-
don't let me die, butters!
[ Groaning ]
[ Siren wails ]
Clear.
[ Thump ]
We got him back.
[Bleep] you Wendy.
So that's one Whopper,
one order of chicken strings,
and a medium beverage...
Randy: Burgers!
Get your burgers here!
Okay that'll be fif--
Plant-based burgers
for sale!
Excuse me one moment.
Get your hamburgers here!
Plant-based burgers for sale!
Hey!
What are you doing?
I'm sellin' hamburgers! All
natural, completely plant based.
Thank you sir.
You can't sell hamburgers here,
this is a Burger King!
You sell hamburgers here.
Yeah, you sell
hamburgers here.
This is seriously
as good or better
than a real hamburger.
Can I get a couple more
to take to work?
Hey now look, buddy!
I'm not gonna lose customers
because of you!
We have plant-based burgers
inside as well!
Come try
our Impossible burger!
Tegridy burger! Made locally
right here in South Park!
Tegridy burger.
Stop that!
Alright, everyone, listen up.
As you know,
there are several students
protesting the school menu.
But there are other students
who are voicing
their concerns against changes.
Eric Cartman is still recovering
in the hospital,
we all wish him well.
[ Clears throat ]
Now the school has been
looking into several options
to deal with problem.
And I do believe
we have found a compromise.
We have found a new company
in the plant-based
fast food industry
who would like to be
the supplier
for our cafeteria.
And so please welcome the
founder of Incredible Meat.
[ Claps ]
Hello, children.
I want to thank you
and I want to thank
your fine principal,
for hearing me out.
I take plants
and I process them into goo.
I am a goo man.
I have factories
all over the country.
I have trucks right now
loaded with goo
that can be here
within the week.
The goo I speak of
can be made into anything.
It can be made into tacos.
It can be made into hot dogs.
And I promise you
that none of your students
will know the difference.
I would very much like to be
the plant-based meat vendor
for your school.
I would like to be
the plant-based meat vendor
for your town.
I'm a simple family man
and a vegetarian.
I would like the opportunity
to make you all
vegetarians as well.
And I thank you.
Randy:
Eating meat doesn't just hurt
animals, it hurts people.
It takes 13 pounds of grain
to produce
just 1 pound of animal meat.
All that plant food
could be used
much more efficiently
if people just ate it directly.
Meat is also
not environmentally friendly.
Meat production is wasteful
and causes
enormous amounts of pollution,
and the meat industry
is one of the biggest --
Huh?
Oh, I was just saying
that adopting a vegan diet
is way more effective
than switching to
a "greener" car in the fight
against climate change.
For your health,
for our planet,
for the animals,
and for each other.
We have to switch
to plant-based foods.
Now, i-it just so happens...
[ Sighs deeply ]
♪ Cheeba
♪ Cheeba, cheeba
♪ Cheeba
Cheeba, cheeba.
♪ Cheeba, cheeba
You gotta be kidding me!
Randy: It's our grand opening!
Come and visit your town's only
plant-based burger joint!
It's not the town's
only plant-based burger joint!
♪ Cheeba, cheeba-cheeba
[ Indistinct talking ]
Celebrate our grand opening --
Tegridy Burger.
♪ Jeeba, jeeba ♪
♪ Jeeba-jeeba ♪
[ Indistinct talking ]
Here he comes!
[ Talking stops ]
♪ It's Taco Tuesday
♪ It's T-Taco --
[ Students murmur ]
Mr. Mackey.
Oh, h-hello, Eric.
What's going on, Butters?
♪ It's Taco Tuesday
[ Weakly ]
♪ It's Taco Tuesday
These tacos look different.
What kind are they?
They're...
Incredible Beef Tacos.
Oh, Incredible Beef Tacos.
That sounds nice.
Hmm?
[ Sniffs ]
[ Taco crunches ]
[ Taco crunches ]
Did you guys see that
new "Joker" movie?
Oh, thank God.
It worked.
[ Bell dings ]
Welcome City Wok.
I take a order, please.
Are you the owner
of this restaurant?
Yes.
I take a order, please.
I'd like to
do business with you.
Your establishment
here is perfect
for my plant-based meats.
You see, I am a goo man.
If you carry my product,
Incredible Meats,
we can put the word "incredible"
before all of your dishes.
You mean,
instead of City Chicken,
I could have
Incredible City Chicken?
That is correct.
You mean instead
of City Mongorian Beef,
I can have
Incredibly City Mongorian Beef?
That's right.
You're saying now
I can have scallops with
Incredibly City XO Sauce?!
Okay! Sign me up!
That is most excellent!
Now, how many customers
on average do you have
per day?
Including my wife?
Uh, zero to one per day.
That's it.
Yeah, I got no customers now
that a Tegridy Burger opened up.
Everyone want
plant-based food now.
That's why I'm ready
you sign me up.
What is Tegridy Burger?
Yeah, here you look.
Down the block.
Most popular place
in town.
Is that so?!
Hey!
Hey, what about
my Incredibly City Chicken?
[ Knocks on door ]
Whatchu doin',
you sum bitch?
Excuse me?
I'm the biggest cattle rancher
in South Park.
I made my livin' 62 odd years
before you fancy plant growers
done showed up
and put me outta job!
Well I'm sorry,
Mr. Cow Killer...
but this is called
"evolution."
I got 300 cows that
the world has suddenly decided
they got no use fer!
What am I supposed to do
with 'em -- Put em in a zoo?
What they gonna do now,
go start a cow circus?
Go make some cow TV show?
You are single handedly making
cows extinct, you!
You gotta plan
for 'em all?! Fine!
Come on!
[ Whistles ]
[ Cows moo ]
Farmer: Come on!
Yah! Come on!
Mr. Plant-Based Burgers here
is gonna take care of you now!
Yeah, don't worry.
He cares about the environment.
So he can figure out
what to do with you.
[ Chuckling ] Hey.
[Bleep] you.
No, [bleep] you,
sum bitch!
They're your problem now.
[ Burger wrapper crinkles ]
[ Groaning ]
[ Breathes deeply ]
[ Groaning resumes ]
Teacher?
Mm! Mnm-mnm.
[ Groaning continues ]
[ Bell rings ]
Lunchtime!
Walk don't run, mm-kay.
Cartman: Hey, Butters!
Wait up, dude.
You know what
today is, right?
♪ It's Salisbury
Steak Day ♪
♪ Salisbury Steak Day,
it's Salis-- ♪
[ Weakly ]
♪ Salisbury Steak Day
Butters,
is something going on?
Your lunch dances
aren't the same.
Eric, I...
I just hate lying to you.
I mean you've been
in the hospital -- twice.
I feel guilty.
Guilty? About what?
It's our lunches, Eric.
It's...
Incredible Meat.
Yes,
I think it's pretty good.
No, Eric!
See, there was this guy.
He's a goo man.
The [bleep] is a goo man?!
[ Cows mooing ]
Go on, shoo!
Hey! God damn it!
[ Cows mooing ]
I don't know
what we're gonna do.
These cows are eating
all our weed,
and they're shitting
everywhere!
They're gonna put us completely
out of business.
Can't you find anyone else
to take 'em?
Nobody wants cows
anymore!
They're bad for
climate change.
We gotta kill 'em.
What?!
They're ruining
our burger business!
We gotta kill
all these cows!
How are we gonna do that?
Look, it's not
gonna be easy.
It's not something
anyone wants to do but...
we're just gonna have
to get really, really high.
[ Song playing ]
[ Burgers sizzle ]
♪♪
[ Cows moo ]
♪♪
[ Cow moos ]
[ Cow moos ]
[ Cows mooing ]
♪♪
Randy: Yeah!
♪♪
Yee-haw!
[ Cow moos ]
♪♪
I've been in your town
a little while now.
What I see is a community
that is ready for change.
You see, I am a goo man.
What I serve
in your school cafeteria
is a synthetically-modulated
plant protein.
I have taken over
nearly all
the fast food restaurants
here in town
and teamed up with the fine
people in your community.
This my new regional
manager, H.W.
It's Rick.
Shut up, H.W.
You see, I'm trying to reach
all the school cafeterias,
all the stadiums,
fast food restaurants,
all the places that
serve shitty food
and serve shitty goo.
The goo for these kind of places
is made in a factory.
It's made in a lab.
It's just down-market goo.
[ Farting ]
But I can tell people
it's healthy and earth friendly,
and I can send my goo
through a network of pipes
running all the way
to the ocean.
So, that it can be
eaten by people
who eat crappy food anyway --
from coast to coast.
And that what
we have for school lunch now?
That's what all the kids decided
while I wasn't there?
But you see,
It doesn't work
unless I own all
the crappy food places.
Mr. Rancher?
Y-Yes sir.
Mr. Goo Man?
Have you done
what I've asked you to do?
It's all done, sir.
You'll have everything you need.
Well if you don't mind boys,
I have work to tend to.
Me too. I need to have a word
with the students at my school.
Oh, God, Eric!
What are you gonna do?!
It has become the most popular
burger in Colorado.
The plant-based Tegridy Burger
is changing the way
people think about food.
All over the state,
people are turning vegan
and eating more ethical
sustainable meat.
[ Tires screech, engine revs ]
[ Tires screech, engine revs ]
I'm standing now
with Randy Marsh,
the owner
of Tegridy Burger,
and, Mr. Marsh,
you must be pretty excited.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yeah, you know,
we're all just --
We're all just bein'
healthy and ethical over here!
Uh-huh, and, Mr. Marsh,
what about the student protests
coming out against your burger
right now?!
Huh?
Students are
coming forward,
saying that Tegridy Farms
is unethical and hypocritical.
That's right!
Tegridy Burger is a fraud!
We caught their farm on camera.
Just take a look!
We warn you,
the following footage
is graphic.
[ Cows mooing ]
[ Crowd groans ]
[ Randy laughing ]
[ Cow moos ]
[ Crowd boos ]
Mr. Marsh, what do you have
to say about these images?
Oh, hey.
[Bleep] you!
Oh, they were --
They were just --
We didn't eat 'em!
[ Crowd booing ]
[ Indistinct talking ]
[ Door slams ]
Hey, guys, looks like
I almost missed lunch.
Oh, God.
Someone's gonna die.
I found out about what
we're eating here at the school.
I found out
what it's made of and where!
N-Now, Eric, stay calm, mm-kay!
We're sorry.
We were just trying
to find a compromise!
Now just be calm.
What are you sorry about?
It's me who owes all you guys
an apology.
I thought you guys
were all trying
to force me to eat healthy,
but I've learned
that a lot of this stuff
is made in a factory
and processed with tons of salt
just like all my favorite foods!
SpaghettiOs,
Rice-A-Roni...
Here I was thinking
what you wanted
was stuff
from a farmers market.
I just didn't want
my food to change.
School cafeteria meat
is just processed crap
that comes in a box,
and this is...
just processed crap
that comes in a box.
I don't have a problem with it.
All I wanted was to be able
to eat the same garbage
I always have,
and this is definitely garbage.
And hey, if it happens to
be more ethical and sustainable,
well, I guess
I'm fine with that, too.
So, you see, guys?
There was actually
no reason to protest!
We were actually all
on the same page all the time!
At least we learned
that freedom of speech
truly doesn't matter!
Come on, let's eat!
♪ It's Processed
Meat-Like Substance Day ♪
♪ It's Processed
Meat-Like Substance Day ♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪