Some Assembly Required (2014–2016): Season 2, Episode 8 - Littlefoot - full transcript

♪ Here we go ♪

Ooh! A bearskin rug.

[crying out]

That's still on the bear!

Do you mind?
I'm looking for something.

A pic-a-nic basket?

I'm not a bear!

This is a faux fur suit.
It's the height of fashion.

If it's on you,

wouldn't it be
the short of fashion?

Not now, Geneva!



I'm missing
my entire portfolio of designs.

Did you design
that outfit?

Yes.

Then I'd check
the garbage.

Geneva!
That's not very nice.

Sure it is. I'm telling you
where your designs are.

I threw them out.

[audience laughing]

[♪♪♪]

Darn it!

I can't walk home
with you, Bowie.

I brought my bike.

We can ride together.

I brought my bike too!



I wish we made
a stationary version

of the non-stationary
stationary bike.

[locks clicking]

[banging]

What was that?

I don't know.
Go check it out.

[straining]

Whoa! That's
a big raccoon.

[banging]

[grunting]

Actually, that's
a very small human.

It's Aster.

[bang]

[thud]

[laughter]

He's trying to get
into the dumpster.

Should we help him?

No. We should do this.

Agh! Gah!

I don't know, Bowie.

This doesn't
seem right.

We should
have two angles.

[laughter]

Argh!

Agh!

[hisses in fatigue]

[grunts]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Buckle up ♪

♪ And hold on tight ♪

♪ You and me
on a wild ride ♪

♪ We're gonna own it
and change the game ♪

♪ Together we'll make it
all the way ♪

♪ Through all the ups
and all the downs, downs ♪

♪ We'll always find our way
around ♪

♪ So here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪

♪ Here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪

♪ Yeah, here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪

♪ You got me ♪

♪ I got you ♪

♪ Here we go ♪♪

It's got to be here
somewhere!

Maybe I dropped it?

Ooh! A Piper-skin rug!

That's still on the Piper!

[sighs]

I don't understand
where it could've gone!

I can't find
my cell phone charger.

Cell phones
are rechargeable?

[laughter]

I'm down to 38%.

[rages]: Why does
everything bad happen to me?

Sorry I'm late, guys.

Last night,
a water pipe burst

and our whole place flooded.

It took forever
to shut the water off.

Then I was so tired,
I slept through the alarm.

The fire alarm!

Our house was on fire!

Firefighters got there fast,

but they couldn't
put out the fire

because the water was off,

so my house burned down!

Eh, what're you gonna do?

[laughter]

[laughing]

What are you
watching?

This video on the Internet.

It's called
"Angry Little Guy vs. Dumpster."

Agh! Gah!

[laughs]

You posted that online?

I post funny videos
of everyone who works here.

Like "Boy Has Crazy Sneeze."

-Achoo!
-[crack]

"Conceited Guy
Uses Mirror."

Hey, good-lookin'.
This worked out well.

I get to look at you...

you get to look at me.

And...

Hey! Don't turn that off.

I like watching myself
watching myself.

Three times the handsome.

But you have to
watch this one.

It is so funny.
It's called

"Dum-Dum Tries To Open
A Bag Of Pretzels."

[laughter]

[pop]

What a dum-dum!

Whoa!

Aster's video already
has 17,000 hits.

And look at
all those comments!

"I can't believe
this was caught on camera."

"I didn't think
the stories were true."

"This is the best evidence
I've seen of Littlefoot."

And... [gasps]

"Earn $500 a week from
the comfort of your own home!"

Wait! People think
Aster's Littlefoot.

"Littlefoot?"
What's Littlefoot?

You know, I think
there's an online video

that covers that.

"Littlefoot" is the name

of a legendary
tiny, ape-like creature

believed to inhabit the forests
of the Pacific Northwest.

And people say
my "Ask Jarvis" vlog

is just a vanity project.

For decades,

cryptozoologists
have searched for evidence

of Littlefoot's existence,

but none has been found.

Until now!

Bowie!

Aster will flip out
if he sees this.

-What're you guys doing?
-[gasp]

Nothing!

Just...

Having a snack.

Want some pretzels?

[laughter]

Hey, Piper.

I heard
you wanted to talk to me.

You never want to talk to me.

That's not true.

You once said talking to me

was like talking
to a plank of wood.

Which, at first,
I thought was a compliment,

because talking to wood
is so fun.

Isn't that right, Planky?

[chuckles]
Your face says it all.

Then Planky told me
you meant it as an insult.

Would you forget that
stupid piece of wood?

I need your help
with something.

You may not have noticed,

but I'm not always
the happiest person!

I have not noticed.

And you may not have noticed

that I am not great
at noticing things.

It's just, I get upset
about every little thing.

But no matter what happens,
you always seem happy.

Even when
your house burned down.

How could I
let that bother me?

Planky lost
his whole family.

How do you do it?

How do you not
let things get to you?

Easy!

Whenever something bad happens,
I just shrug it off and say,

"Eh, what're you gonna do?"

Here, you try.

Oh, so you're
touching my things,

and I'm supposed to
not let it bother me?

I'm doing
more than that.

I just deleted
all your files!

What? You stupid jerk!

Close. It's actually
"Eh, what're you gonna do?"

You deleted all my work!
All my music! All my photos!

Relax.

I'll just retrieve
them from the cloud.

That's not how
"the cloud" works.

...Using redundant data storage
on remote servers.

And that is
how "the cloud" works.

Bowie!

Did you take down
that Aster/Littlefoot video yet?

I was going to,
but it's up to a million views.

So? A lot of my "Ask Jarvis"
videos get that many views.

Yeah, but
those are all you.

A million
different people

watched
the Littlefoot video.

Wow.

Littlefoot mania
is taking off.

We could cash in!

We can sell a whole line
of Littlefoot toys!

Why not?

They can't possibly sell worse
than our "Ask Jarvis" toys.

What are you
talking about?

We sold
a million of these.

Again, all to you.

Please just watch
this video!

Wait! I think
I got one of your tweets.

[bird tweeting]

I like that!

I'm going to retweet it.

Tweet-tweet!

Asking you for help
was a bad idea.

I'm out of here.

[grunting]

[straining]

Um... Why am I stuck?

Just a guess,

but it could be because
I covered the couch in glue.

What? Why would you
do something so stupid?

To help you become
a happy person!

Just shrug
it off and say,

"Eh, what're
you gonna do?"

But I know
what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna punch you
in the face!

[grunting]

[ripping]

Knox. This is
my favourite skirt!

Now it's ruined!

See? That's your problem!

You always focus on
the negative of the situation.

Focus on the positive!

What's the positive?

You're ready
for a luau.

Time to hula!

Show me the swaying
of the coconut tree.

[♪♪♪]

Guess there's no breeze today.

[♪♪♪]

Okay, we're manufacturing
all kinds of Littlefoot toys.

Now we just need to continue
this viral marketing campaign

by releasing
more "evidence" of Littlefoot.

You found evidence
of Littlefoot?

I'm talking
about Aster.

We've got to
make more videos

of him in that outfit,
acting like a wild creature.

Aster
will never agree to that.

He never wears
the same thing twice.

He will
if he has no choice.

I took all of his clothes

and hid them
in Knox's new house.

Which was swallowed by
a sinkhole 20 minutes ago.

Eh, what are
you gonna do?

No one look at me!

I know I wore
this outfit yesterday.

For some reason,
all my clothes are missing.

Oh! I think I saw Geneva
throw them in the garbage.

What?

[bang]

[grumbling]

I need my step ladder!

[locked doorknob rattling]

Aagh!

No!

[bang]

[raging and pounding]

[outburst continuing]

There you are, Jarvis!

Did you know every door
to the building is locked?

I've been out here
for hours!

Oh, wow!
You must be hungry.

I am!

Well, good news!

I just happen to have

this spare
whole roasted chicken.

Oh, no!

I forgot to get
a fork and a knife.

Who cares? I'm starving!

[chomping ferociously]

[chomping continues]

Why did you
call me up here?

To enjoy
the amazing view.

You can see it best
from right...

here, with one foot
on the roller coaster track.

I'm not sure how
the foot thing helps,

but it is nice out here
in the moonlight.

Ow, ow...

[howling]: Ow-oo-oo-oo-ooh!

[continues howling]

Hey, Piper.

I brought you a snack.

What did you do?
Poison it?

So in my dying breath
I'd finally say

"Eh, what're you gonna do?"

Don't be silly!

After the deleting-files thing
and the grass-skirt thing,

I wanted to do
something nice for you.

Well, I am kind of hungry.

I was saving a roast chicken
in the fridge,

but someone took it.

You just enjoy

this turkey sandwich
and glass of warm milk.

Okay, thanks.

While you eat,
how about a little song?

♪ Go to sleep ♪

♪ Piper Gray ♪

♪ You were right
to be suspicious ♪

♪ All of this ♪

♪ Was just a trick ♪

♪ To make you fall asleep ♪

[thud]

[snoring]

[snoring]

[boing-boing-boing]

Mmph!

[boing-boing]

I've been asleep
for two hours?

I'm completely
behind schedule now!

That's what Knox was up to!

[thud]

-[winds gusting]
-Aah!

[locked handle rattles]

[phone beeps]

[dialing]

Knox, listen, I...

Hi! You've
reached Knox.

Hello?
Anyone there?

I said, "Hi!
You've reached Knox."

Knox! What have you done?

Lots of things.

Once I pet a stingray
at the aquarium.

I mean why am I on a ledge
six storeys off the ground?

Oh! While
you were sleeping,

I switched around
your office

so your door would
lead onto that ledge.

I'm trapped out here!

Rela-a-ax!

All you have to do is...

Shrug and say
"Eh, what're you gonna do?"

Wow! Littlefoot
somehow got inside

and is using
a sewing machine.

He's even smaller in person.

Geneva, what are you doing?

[gasping]
Littlefoot can talk!

And he knows my name.

"Littlefoot"?
Who's Littlefoot?

But he doesn't know
his own name.

Geneva!

What are you
talking about?

You're Littlefoot.

The legendary
tiny, ape-like creature.

You're famous! I can't believe
you've never heard of you.

[ferociously chowing down]

What?

These are all me!

Wow...

I'm witnessing
the moment

Littlefoot
becomes self-aware.

I'm Aster!

[crash]

You know, you shouldn't
throw those away.

I recently found out
they're rechargeable!

Jarvis and Bowie
made those videos.

They'll pay for this!

I've got to come up
with a revenge so vicious,

so elaborate, so diabolical

that they'll never
mess with me again.

Like... like...

tying their shoelaces
together!

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

I don't get it.

Littlefoot-mania
has completely died down.

The only people
still buying the toys

are the diehard
Littlefoot superfans.

[growls theatrically] Arr...

Arr!

Bahrr!

We've manufactured
a ton of those toys.

What are we gonna do?

I don't know.

But there's someone
we can ask.

He has all the answers.

Dear...

"Ask Jarvis..."

[sighing]

Aren't people still
watching our Littlefoot videos?

Oh, no!

It looks like
this Littlefoot thing

has led
to a fascination

with other tiny
legendary creatures.

We're now competing
with videos

of the "Loch Ness
Munchkin"...

"the Abominable
Snowboy"...

and "Kid Kong."

Ooh! I love "Kid Kong!"

He's a giant ape
the size of a regular ape!

We're just going to
have to up our game.

Post the ultimate video.

We need to
catch Littlefoot on camera

doing something incredible.

I heard a rumour
he can use a sewing machine.

We need something bigger.

Like an actual Littlefoot attack
caught on camera.

Can we make it later?

Kid Kong is eating
a tiny giant banana.

[♪♪♪]

I can't believe you spotted
a nest of mulberry silkworms

while taking a shortcut
through this secluded forest.

Well, I did.
That's what happened.

Did you know
their silk is used

to make some of the rarest
and most luxurious materials

in the fashion world?

Yes, that's what
I read on "The Web"...

an online blog
about spider and other silks.

I hope we're
safe out here.

I heard there have been
sightings of Littlefoot

in these parts.

Well, there is safety
in numbers.

Let's split up.

Aah!

[grunting]

Thanks a lot, Knox.

It took me five hours to climb
down that coaster track.

I'm sore, sweaty, and sunburned.

That's because

you didn't rub in
your sunscreen.

That's bird poop.

Yeah, well, you think
you've had a bad day?

That turkey sandwich
I ate was delicious.

So I decided
to make another one!

Only I can't eat it,

because
we're out of mustard!

[raging and crying out]

Lousy! Empty! Mustard! Bottle!

I hate you!

[panting and fuming]

Wow, Knox. I've never
seen you so upset.

Whoa...

I've never been this upset.

I know what's going on here!

You really love mustard?

No! Spending
all this time with you

has made me miserable.

Well, I don't
know about that.

I do! This
explains so much.

That's why you're
always in a bad mood.

You have to spend
all your time with...you.

Ah, this is no time to hula.

I'm sorry, Piper.

I can't help you anymore.

Great! I spent
the last two days

with Knox deleting my files,
ruining my favourite skirt,

and almost making me
plummet to my death

for nothing!

[huffs]

Eh, what're you gonna do?

Where's Bowie
with the camera?

Surprise!

I'm wearing camouflage

so Aster doesn't
see me taking video.

Your outfit is pink.

I know. When I went
to the camouflage store,

this really stood out.

Whatever.

Just make sure
you get this on camera.

I'm about to be attacked
by "Littlefoot."

Hey, Aster!

You own
a poor selection of belts!

[roaring]

Oh, no! I'm being
attacked by a tiny...

Whoa!

This is great Littlefootage!

[grunting and groaning]

Wow, you're stronger
than you look.

I guess sewing
really works the arm muscles.

Jarvis, I can't find
those silkworms anywhere.

Are you sure
they're this way?

Not now, Aster.

I'm busy
fighting Littlefoot!

[shrieking] Aah!

[Littlefoot growling]

[blows landing]

[roaring]

Whoa!

Who tied
my shoelaces together?

[growling]

Ugh! Oh! Bowie!
Do something!

Do something to help me!

Oh. Right.

Wah!

My shoelaces
are tied together too!

[roaring]

[both screaming]

Rawr!

[laughter]

Now, that's
how you get revenge.

The shoelace thing?

Yeah, it was sweet.

Your little addition
was also okay.

Thanks.

Either way, people
are going to love this video...

"Young Girl Scares
Two Doofuses."

[roaring and screaming]

[both laughing]

You've heard the legends.

You've seen
the amazing footage.

-Achoo!
-[thud]

Now you can
play with the toys!

Introducing "Two Doofuses"
action figures.

[roaring]

[screaming]

Comes complete
with lifelike trees,

Littlefoot action figure,

and real shoelaces
you can tie together.

Wah!

Ha, ha, ha.
What doofuses.

I'm P. Everett Knickknack.

The "P" stands for

"Pink is a terrible colour
for camouflage."

[♪♪♪]