Some Assembly Required (2014–2016): Season 2, Episode 2 - Ruff Rider - full transcript
To promote Ruff Rider, the ride-on car for dogs, Jarvis holds a dog competition. But when the prize turns out to be a dog collar worn by one of Piper's favorite punk singers, she is willing to do anything to get that collar - even...
♪ Here we go ♪
Hello, good morning,
very busy,
lots to do,
got to get to work.
Is that a purse?
No.
Purses are for women.
I'm a man.
This is a murse.
Haven't you read
the latest fashion blogs?
Murses are really in right now.
[barking]
-Did your purse...
-Murse.
Just bark at me?
Haven't you read
the latest fashion blogs?
Barking murses
are really in right now.
[barks]
That's my wallet.
Haven't you read
the latest fashion blogs?
Barking wallets that look like
dogs are really in right...
Okay, here's the thing.
I know we're not supposed
to bring pets to work,
but it's only for today.
My dog-sitter quit
after she was bitten.
Your dog bites?
No. I do.
But she was asking for it.
She said I looked good,
when I clearly looked great.
Well, your shoes
do match your purse.
Murse.
Anyway, I promise
she won't be a problem.
Please, can Piper stay?
You named
your dog Piper?
Not me.
I put a book of baby names
in my guinea pig cage
and let Jarvis pick.
He pooped on Piper.
I guess it's okay.
Aw, Piper,
you're so cute!
Really?
You think I'm cute?
I knew it!
I knew it!
Actually,
I had some doubts.
He's talking to my dog,
Piper, Piper.
I just want to cuddle you
all day, Piper, yes, I do.
Okay, I have some work to do,
but I can do it tomorrow.
Still talking to the dog.
Do you want to lick
my face, Piper?
[♪♪♪]
♪ Buckle up ♪
♪ And hold on tight ♪
♪ You and me
on a wild ride ♪
♪ We're gonna own it
and change the game ♪
♪ Together we'll make it
all the way ♪
♪ Through all the ups
and all the downs, downs ♪
♪ We'll always find our way
around ♪
♪ So here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪
♪ Here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪
♪ Yeah, here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪
♪ You got me ♪
♪ I got you ♪
♪ Here we go ♪
Aster!
Look what your dog is doing!
What?
She's just playing
with your murse.
She's getting into everything!
Did you even train her?
Of course.
She's housebroken.
See?
She only goes outside my house.
Jarvis!
[squeaks]
Other Jarvis.
What's wrong?
It's no big deal.
Piper tinkled in the toy lab.
She was just
marking her territory.
Well, she does hate
when anyone comes near her desk.
Dog Piper!
She's driving me crazy!
She just wants to play.
Well, give her a toy!
We're a toy company!
Don't we make
anything for dogs?
No, but we should.
It'd be a whole
new market for us.
Thanks for
the idea, Piper!
Oh. You're welcome.
I meant dog Piper.
[♪♪♪]
Why are you going
through Aster's purse?
[Aster]: Murse!
I'm starving.
I'm looking for
something to eat.
All he's got in here
is a mankerchief...
male polish...
and oil-free,
skin-replenishing boysturizer.
Forget all that.
Mrs. Bubkes went to the store
and bought us a bunch of snacks.
She did?
That's it.
Eat, my pretties.
Well, my one pretty
and the... other one.
Ooh! She filled
the pretzel bowl!
That's not a pretzel.
It's a ninja star!
Aah!
[thud]
Ow!
I can't believe
you almost ate that...
without spray cheese on it.
Heh heh heh.
Aah!
[explosion]
[Mrs. Bubkes]:
Aah!
Hold on, these aren't things
you're supposed to eat.
Ninja stars?
Fire spray?
Oatmeal raisin cookies?
Okay,
I've been thinking
about what kind of product
we can make for dogs.
How about a chew toy?
Some kind of rubber ball?
[boing boing boing]
[brakes screech]
[whistles nonchalantly]
It's been done.
How can we take dog toys
into the 21st century?
[barking]
Or the 147th century,
in dog years.
Simple.
We create and sell
apps for dogs.
I call them "yapps."
Like PhoneBone.
[whimpers]
Oh, hey there, Knox.
Aster, Knox isn't here.
Not that Knox.
I was talking about
my pet boa constrictor, Knox.
[hissing]
Aah!
There's nothing
to be scared of.
Knox is just
a big, dumb animal,
and he only eats once a month.
Well, I'd eat more often
if we had better snacks.
[Mrs. Bubkes]:
Aah!
Well, we still haven't
come up with a dog toy.
Come on. What do
dogs like to do?
Chase cars?
[barking]
Uh-oh.
[barking]
Huh...
I always thought
dogs chased cars
because they hated them.
It turns out it's because
they want to drive.
[panting]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Aster, can I see
that for a sec?
Hey, my pur...
murse!
Don't worry, I taught
your dog to fetch.
In her brand-new car!
Presenting Ruff Rider,
the first car for dogs!
Now, that's a toy that
will make every dog drool.
Mostly because
dogs drool a lot.
It's got dual
water bowl holders...
A great-sounding horn...
I can't hear anything.
No, but dogs can.
And it has CPS...
cat positioning system.
[CPS voice]:
Turn right ahead.
[yowling]
Ruff Rider's awesome!
I mean, not
if you're a cat.
Okay, luckily, none
of us kids were hurt
by that whole pretzel/
ninja-star mixup.
[speaks Meeskatanian]
...seeing stars.
Well, we're going
to make sure
you never make a mistake
like that again.
By lobbying
the government
to require Meeskatanian
labeling
on all food packaging!
No, by teaching
Mrs. Bubkes English.
No, no, no.
[speaks Meeskatanian]
No English.
Yes, when we're
finished teaching you,
you will... know English.
Now, if you'd
kindly take a seat.
Oh!
Ah!
Oh!
[panting, groaning]
Ooh!
Okay, ignore
everything you just heard.
We don't cover curse words
until next semester.
[♪♪♪]
Hey, guys!
I've decided how
we can promote Ruff Rider!
By holding a
competition for dogs...
the first ever Pawlympics!
Unless we get sued
by the International
Olympic Committee,
in which case,
it'll be a Dogcathlon.
The winning dog
will not only star
in a Ruff Rider commercial,
but will also receive
this prize pack,
which includes
a year's supply of dog food,
this cool vintage dog collar
I found at a thrift shop
in Yaletown,
and a trip to the Spaniel Spa
for a Shih Tzu shiatsu massage.
Wait a minute...
Where have I seen that collar?
I knew it!
This is the collar worn
by my all-time favourite
punk rocker, Billy Bonecrusher,
on the cover of his debut album,
"Knuckle Sandwich!"
You should cover that album.
It would be cool to perform
versions of these songs.
No, I mean cover the
album with something.
That picture is scary!
Wait! I want that collar!
You have to give it to me!
Sure, I'll give it to you...
straight.
You can't have it.
What?
Why not?
I already advertised
what the prizes are.
I can't change that now.
This collar goes to the winner
of the Pawlympics.
I mean the Dogcathlon.
Just relax, Mrs. Bubkes.
School is fun!
No!
School is a noun!
And sometimes, in urban slang,
it's a verb,
as in "Imma school you!"
Now open your textbook!
Now close it!
We're having a pop quiz!
[speaks Meeskatanian]
...pop quiz.
...just started!
Don't speak back to me,
young...
...ish lady!
Go to the corner and think
about what you've done!
I need a dog so I
can win that collar!
Why don't you get one
from the pound?
That's where I got Baxter.
He looked at me with
those puppydog eyes
and begged me
to take him home.
So I did!
I can't get a dog
from the pound.
What am I going to do with him
after the contest?
My parents
won't let me keep him.
So take him back to the pound.
I can't do that!
It's not a library!
A what?
There must be some way
I can win that contest!
[♪♪♪]
♪ Rolling with my dawgs ♪
♪ Rolling
with my dawgs ♪
♪ Rolling with my dawgs ♪
Of course!
I really wish you'd
lent me your dog.
Sorry, Piper.
Now you're sorry?
I was talking to my Piper.
I'm sorry you need
to compete against...
this riff-raff!
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Welcome, everyone,
to the Knickknack
Toys Dogcathlon,
sponsored by Ruff Rider...
the Rolls Royce
of dog cars.
Okay, well, it's a
really good dog car.
Now, let's start the sho...
...oh, my goodness!
What are you doing, Piper?
Are you talking to me
or the other Piper?
Because if it's the other
Piper, the answer is...
"licking herself
inappropriately."
Piper! We talked
about this!
You can't enter
this contest.
It's for dogs.
Bark?
Actually,
there's nothing in the rules
that say humans can't enter.
Piper,
if you're going to compete,
you'll have to do
everything these dogs do.
No problem.
Okay. First event...
drinking water!
So easy.
From a toilet!
[sighs]
No!
This is root beer,
not ginger ale!
You failed the pop quiz!
You do not know your pop!
Bowie...
Headmaster Sherman...
I don't think
the strict approach is working.
What?
Okay, you're right.
Good. Now let's try it my way.
The best way
to learn a language
is to be exposed to it
as a baby.
I hate you kids.
What was that, Baby Bubkes?
Goo goo ga ga.
Okay, now listen
to your parents speak English
as we have
a normal family conversation.
[falsetto]: Hello, dear.
It's me, your loving wife.
Why do you get
to be the wife?
[Whispering in regular voice]
Because I have nicer legs.
Fine!
[falsetto]: I made your
favourite dinner, honey!
Meatloaf again?
I said I liked it one time
when we were dating,
and now you won't
stop making it!
Was that a lie?
I would've
said anything.
I'm a sucker for a
great pair of legs.
Yeah? Well, take
a good last look at them,
'cause they're walking
out the door!
And I'm taking the baby!
Oh!
[lapping water]
[Jarvis]: And... time!
Winner of the first round...
Piper!
Yes!
Other Piper.
Yes!
In your face!
Oh, wow, you've
got toilet breath.
Oh, never mind,
that's me.
This event was unfair!
My dog only drinks
bottled toilet water.
That is not how I imagined
Jarvis touching my lips.
I did it!
I did it!
Ugh, what flavour is this?
Cat bladder?
[♪♪♪]
Being a strict
disciplinarian didn't work.
Babying Bubkes didn't work.
I guess we'll have
to find another way
to teach her English.
Okay, but can we take
a snack break first?
Mrs. Bubkes bought donuts!
Knox, no!
You're going to need
some chocolate milk
to wash that down.
Mrs. Bubkes?
Where are you going?
We may be terrible teachers,
but we're not giving up
until you learn English.
Even if we have to work with you
each and every day
for the next ten years.
What?
There is no way
I'm spending ten years
with you fart monkeys!
Mrs. Bubkes?
Did you just speak English?
Perfectly?
Uh...
Because that can
only mean one thing...
I was wrong.
We are great teachers!
So I don't have to sit
through any more
of your lessons?
Not if you're fluent.
Oh, I am!
Your incessant tutelage
has imbued upon my lexicon
a plethora of verbiage,
metamorphosing me
into a sesquipedalian
elocutionist!
Tutelage?
Plethora?
Sesquipedalian?
Yeah, she's back
to speaking gibberish.
She hasn't
learned English at all!
I guess there's only one thing
left to do...
Have you teach
us Meeskatanian.
Kill me now.
[slowly]: Kill-me-now.
What does that mean?
I don't know, but Meeskatanian
is a beautiful language!
This has been a real
dog-eat-dog competition...
Especially when the bulldog
tried to eat the golden doodle.
But we're down
to our two finalists...
Piper vs. Piper!
Woo, Piper!
Boo, Piper!
[barks]
Who's ready to kick butt
in our final event?
Well, you won't
be kicking butt.
You'll be sniffing it!
Through scent alone,
each finalist
must identify the bulldog!
It's not me!
[barks]
Ooh! I'm sorry.
That's the Shetland Sheepdog!
You are such a disappointment!
I am replacing the sheets
on your doggy bed
with a mere 400 thread count!
Okay, if Piper can identify
the bulldog, she wins!
[sniffs]
[farts]
Bark bark!
Bark bark!
That's correct!
I won? I won!
What do you have
to say now, Piper?
[barks]
Okay,
kind of a predictable response.
But the point is, I won!
I get the prize pack!
The collar is mine!
Not so fast.
On the last page,
it says that employees
of Knickknack Toys
are ineligible.
You chose today
to finish your first book?
Geneva's right.
I'm sorry, Piper.
You're disqualified.
What?
That can't be right.
Where's that lawyer?
Piper wins!
We won!
Listen, Piper,
I've been thinking...
I don't really need
that dog collar.
You don't?
No, it doesn't go
with any of Piper's outfits.
So... I decided to give it away.
Thank you, Aster.
That's so sweet!
Oh. I didn't mean to you.
I gave it to someone else.
You're such a jerk!
You gave it to someone else
and then came here
to rub my nose in it?
Haven't I been treated
like a dog enough today?
This person wanted it
really badly.
Really?
Who could have wanted
Billy Bonecrusher's collar
more than me?
Um...
Billy Bonecrusher?
He said he'd come by
if I gave him the collar.
I figured
you'd want to meet him.
You're... you're...
[gasps]
Ooh...
She hit her head pretty hard.
I hope she remembers
meeting you.
Otherwise I did something nice
for nothing!
[♪♪♪]
Want to hit the open road
and feel the wind in your fur?
Now you can, with Ruff Rider!
This engine doesn't purr.
It barks!
Yeah, not so fun
when it's you being chased!
Ruff Rider,
new from Knickknack!
I'm P. Everett Knickknack.
The "P" stands for...
"Pedestrians have
the right of way!"
[♪♪♪]
Hello, good morning,
very busy,
lots to do,
got to get to work.
Is that a purse?
No.
Purses are for women.
I'm a man.
This is a murse.
Haven't you read
the latest fashion blogs?
Murses are really in right now.
[barking]
-Did your purse...
-Murse.
Just bark at me?
Haven't you read
the latest fashion blogs?
Barking murses
are really in right now.
[barks]
That's my wallet.
Haven't you read
the latest fashion blogs?
Barking wallets that look like
dogs are really in right...
Okay, here's the thing.
I know we're not supposed
to bring pets to work,
but it's only for today.
My dog-sitter quit
after she was bitten.
Your dog bites?
No. I do.
But she was asking for it.
She said I looked good,
when I clearly looked great.
Well, your shoes
do match your purse.
Murse.
Anyway, I promise
she won't be a problem.
Please, can Piper stay?
You named
your dog Piper?
Not me.
I put a book of baby names
in my guinea pig cage
and let Jarvis pick.
He pooped on Piper.
I guess it's okay.
Aw, Piper,
you're so cute!
Really?
You think I'm cute?
I knew it!
I knew it!
Actually,
I had some doubts.
He's talking to my dog,
Piper, Piper.
I just want to cuddle you
all day, Piper, yes, I do.
Okay, I have some work to do,
but I can do it tomorrow.
Still talking to the dog.
Do you want to lick
my face, Piper?
[♪♪♪]
♪ Buckle up ♪
♪ And hold on tight ♪
♪ You and me
on a wild ride ♪
♪ We're gonna own it
and change the game ♪
♪ Together we'll make it
all the way ♪
♪ Through all the ups
and all the downs, downs ♪
♪ We'll always find our way
around ♪
♪ So here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪
♪ Here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪
♪ Yeah, here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪
♪ You got me ♪
♪ I got you ♪
♪ Here we go ♪
Aster!
Look what your dog is doing!
What?
She's just playing
with your murse.
She's getting into everything!
Did you even train her?
Of course.
She's housebroken.
See?
She only goes outside my house.
Jarvis!
[squeaks]
Other Jarvis.
What's wrong?
It's no big deal.
Piper tinkled in the toy lab.
She was just
marking her territory.
Well, she does hate
when anyone comes near her desk.
Dog Piper!
She's driving me crazy!
She just wants to play.
Well, give her a toy!
We're a toy company!
Don't we make
anything for dogs?
No, but we should.
It'd be a whole
new market for us.
Thanks for
the idea, Piper!
Oh. You're welcome.
I meant dog Piper.
[♪♪♪]
Why are you going
through Aster's purse?
[Aster]: Murse!
I'm starving.
I'm looking for
something to eat.
All he's got in here
is a mankerchief...
male polish...
and oil-free,
skin-replenishing boysturizer.
Forget all that.
Mrs. Bubkes went to the store
and bought us a bunch of snacks.
She did?
That's it.
Eat, my pretties.
Well, my one pretty
and the... other one.
Ooh! She filled
the pretzel bowl!
That's not a pretzel.
It's a ninja star!
Aah!
[thud]
Ow!
I can't believe
you almost ate that...
without spray cheese on it.
Heh heh heh.
Aah!
[explosion]
[Mrs. Bubkes]:
Aah!
Hold on, these aren't things
you're supposed to eat.
Ninja stars?
Fire spray?
Oatmeal raisin cookies?
Okay,
I've been thinking
about what kind of product
we can make for dogs.
How about a chew toy?
Some kind of rubber ball?
[boing boing boing]
[brakes screech]
[whistles nonchalantly]
It's been done.
How can we take dog toys
into the 21st century?
[barking]
Or the 147th century,
in dog years.
Simple.
We create and sell
apps for dogs.
I call them "yapps."
Like PhoneBone.
[whimpers]
Oh, hey there, Knox.
Aster, Knox isn't here.
Not that Knox.
I was talking about
my pet boa constrictor, Knox.
[hissing]
Aah!
There's nothing
to be scared of.
Knox is just
a big, dumb animal,
and he only eats once a month.
Well, I'd eat more often
if we had better snacks.
[Mrs. Bubkes]:
Aah!
Well, we still haven't
come up with a dog toy.
Come on. What do
dogs like to do?
Chase cars?
[barking]
Uh-oh.
[barking]
Huh...
I always thought
dogs chased cars
because they hated them.
It turns out it's because
they want to drive.
[panting]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Aster, can I see
that for a sec?
Hey, my pur...
murse!
Don't worry, I taught
your dog to fetch.
In her brand-new car!
Presenting Ruff Rider,
the first car for dogs!
Now, that's a toy that
will make every dog drool.
Mostly because
dogs drool a lot.
It's got dual
water bowl holders...
A great-sounding horn...
I can't hear anything.
No, but dogs can.
And it has CPS...
cat positioning system.
[CPS voice]:
Turn right ahead.
[yowling]
Ruff Rider's awesome!
I mean, not
if you're a cat.
Okay, luckily, none
of us kids were hurt
by that whole pretzel/
ninja-star mixup.
[speaks Meeskatanian]
...seeing stars.
Well, we're going
to make sure
you never make a mistake
like that again.
By lobbying
the government
to require Meeskatanian
labeling
on all food packaging!
No, by teaching
Mrs. Bubkes English.
No, no, no.
[speaks Meeskatanian]
No English.
Yes, when we're
finished teaching you,
you will... know English.
Now, if you'd
kindly take a seat.
Oh!
Ah!
Oh!
[panting, groaning]
Ooh!
Okay, ignore
everything you just heard.
We don't cover curse words
until next semester.
[♪♪♪]
Hey, guys!
I've decided how
we can promote Ruff Rider!
By holding a
competition for dogs...
the first ever Pawlympics!
Unless we get sued
by the International
Olympic Committee,
in which case,
it'll be a Dogcathlon.
The winning dog
will not only star
in a Ruff Rider commercial,
but will also receive
this prize pack,
which includes
a year's supply of dog food,
this cool vintage dog collar
I found at a thrift shop
in Yaletown,
and a trip to the Spaniel Spa
for a Shih Tzu shiatsu massage.
Wait a minute...
Where have I seen that collar?
I knew it!
This is the collar worn
by my all-time favourite
punk rocker, Billy Bonecrusher,
on the cover of his debut album,
"Knuckle Sandwich!"
You should cover that album.
It would be cool to perform
versions of these songs.
No, I mean cover the
album with something.
That picture is scary!
Wait! I want that collar!
You have to give it to me!
Sure, I'll give it to you...
straight.
You can't have it.
What?
Why not?
I already advertised
what the prizes are.
I can't change that now.
This collar goes to the winner
of the Pawlympics.
I mean the Dogcathlon.
Just relax, Mrs. Bubkes.
School is fun!
No!
School is a noun!
And sometimes, in urban slang,
it's a verb,
as in "Imma school you!"
Now open your textbook!
Now close it!
We're having a pop quiz!
[speaks Meeskatanian]
...pop quiz.
...just started!
Don't speak back to me,
young...
...ish lady!
Go to the corner and think
about what you've done!
I need a dog so I
can win that collar!
Why don't you get one
from the pound?
That's where I got Baxter.
He looked at me with
those puppydog eyes
and begged me
to take him home.
So I did!
I can't get a dog
from the pound.
What am I going to do with him
after the contest?
My parents
won't let me keep him.
So take him back to the pound.
I can't do that!
It's not a library!
A what?
There must be some way
I can win that contest!
[♪♪♪]
♪ Rolling with my dawgs ♪
♪ Rolling
with my dawgs ♪
♪ Rolling with my dawgs ♪
Of course!
I really wish you'd
lent me your dog.
Sorry, Piper.
Now you're sorry?
I was talking to my Piper.
I'm sorry you need
to compete against...
this riff-raff!
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Welcome, everyone,
to the Knickknack
Toys Dogcathlon,
sponsored by Ruff Rider...
the Rolls Royce
of dog cars.
Okay, well, it's a
really good dog car.
Now, let's start the sho...
...oh, my goodness!
What are you doing, Piper?
Are you talking to me
or the other Piper?
Because if it's the other
Piper, the answer is...
"licking herself
inappropriately."
Piper! We talked
about this!
You can't enter
this contest.
It's for dogs.
Bark?
Actually,
there's nothing in the rules
that say humans can't enter.
Piper,
if you're going to compete,
you'll have to do
everything these dogs do.
No problem.
Okay. First event...
drinking water!
So easy.
From a toilet!
[sighs]
No!
This is root beer,
not ginger ale!
You failed the pop quiz!
You do not know your pop!
Bowie...
Headmaster Sherman...
I don't think
the strict approach is working.
What?
Okay, you're right.
Good. Now let's try it my way.
The best way
to learn a language
is to be exposed to it
as a baby.
I hate you kids.
What was that, Baby Bubkes?
Goo goo ga ga.
Okay, now listen
to your parents speak English
as we have
a normal family conversation.
[falsetto]: Hello, dear.
It's me, your loving wife.
Why do you get
to be the wife?
[Whispering in regular voice]
Because I have nicer legs.
Fine!
[falsetto]: I made your
favourite dinner, honey!
Meatloaf again?
I said I liked it one time
when we were dating,
and now you won't
stop making it!
Was that a lie?
I would've
said anything.
I'm a sucker for a
great pair of legs.
Yeah? Well, take
a good last look at them,
'cause they're walking
out the door!
And I'm taking the baby!
Oh!
[lapping water]
[Jarvis]: And... time!
Winner of the first round...
Piper!
Yes!
Other Piper.
Yes!
In your face!
Oh, wow, you've
got toilet breath.
Oh, never mind,
that's me.
This event was unfair!
My dog only drinks
bottled toilet water.
That is not how I imagined
Jarvis touching my lips.
I did it!
I did it!
Ugh, what flavour is this?
Cat bladder?
[♪♪♪]
Being a strict
disciplinarian didn't work.
Babying Bubkes didn't work.
I guess we'll have
to find another way
to teach her English.
Okay, but can we take
a snack break first?
Mrs. Bubkes bought donuts!
Knox, no!
You're going to need
some chocolate milk
to wash that down.
Mrs. Bubkes?
Where are you going?
We may be terrible teachers,
but we're not giving up
until you learn English.
Even if we have to work with you
each and every day
for the next ten years.
What?
There is no way
I'm spending ten years
with you fart monkeys!
Mrs. Bubkes?
Did you just speak English?
Perfectly?
Uh...
Because that can
only mean one thing...
I was wrong.
We are great teachers!
So I don't have to sit
through any more
of your lessons?
Not if you're fluent.
Oh, I am!
Your incessant tutelage
has imbued upon my lexicon
a plethora of verbiage,
metamorphosing me
into a sesquipedalian
elocutionist!
Tutelage?
Plethora?
Sesquipedalian?
Yeah, she's back
to speaking gibberish.
She hasn't
learned English at all!
I guess there's only one thing
left to do...
Have you teach
us Meeskatanian.
Kill me now.
[slowly]: Kill-me-now.
What does that mean?
I don't know, but Meeskatanian
is a beautiful language!
This has been a real
dog-eat-dog competition...
Especially when the bulldog
tried to eat the golden doodle.
But we're down
to our two finalists...
Piper vs. Piper!
Woo, Piper!
Boo, Piper!
[barks]
Who's ready to kick butt
in our final event?
Well, you won't
be kicking butt.
You'll be sniffing it!
Through scent alone,
each finalist
must identify the bulldog!
It's not me!
[barks]
Ooh! I'm sorry.
That's the Shetland Sheepdog!
You are such a disappointment!
I am replacing the sheets
on your doggy bed
with a mere 400 thread count!
Okay, if Piper can identify
the bulldog, she wins!
[sniffs]
[farts]
Bark bark!
Bark bark!
That's correct!
I won? I won!
What do you have
to say now, Piper?
[barks]
Okay,
kind of a predictable response.
But the point is, I won!
I get the prize pack!
The collar is mine!
Not so fast.
On the last page,
it says that employees
of Knickknack Toys
are ineligible.
You chose today
to finish your first book?
Geneva's right.
I'm sorry, Piper.
You're disqualified.
What?
That can't be right.
Where's that lawyer?
Piper wins!
We won!
Listen, Piper,
I've been thinking...
I don't really need
that dog collar.
You don't?
No, it doesn't go
with any of Piper's outfits.
So... I decided to give it away.
Thank you, Aster.
That's so sweet!
Oh. I didn't mean to you.
I gave it to someone else.
You're such a jerk!
You gave it to someone else
and then came here
to rub my nose in it?
Haven't I been treated
like a dog enough today?
This person wanted it
really badly.
Really?
Who could have wanted
Billy Bonecrusher's collar
more than me?
Um...
Billy Bonecrusher?
He said he'd come by
if I gave him the collar.
I figured
you'd want to meet him.
You're... you're...
[gasps]
Ooh...
She hit her head pretty hard.
I hope she remembers
meeting you.
Otherwise I did something nice
for nothing!
[♪♪♪]
Want to hit the open road
and feel the wind in your fur?
Now you can, with Ruff Rider!
This engine doesn't purr.
It barks!
Yeah, not so fun
when it's you being chased!
Ruff Rider,
new from Knickknack!
I'm P. Everett Knickknack.
The "P" stands for...
"Pedestrians have
the right of way!"
[♪♪♪]