Some Assembly Required (2014–2016): Season 2, Episode 1 - Bouncy Pants - full transcript

♪ Here we go ♪

Previously,
on Some Assembly Required...

Everyball can change
shape, size, colour, and density

to become
any ball you want.

Like...

[whoosh]

A basketball.

-Can it be a soccer ball?
-Sure.

Can it be
a tennis ball?

Yup.

Can it be
a basketball?



Still yes.

I also came up with a way
to sell Everyball.

I bought Knickknack
a 30-second commercial

to air
during the Super Bowl.

How much did
this commercial cost?

Every cent this company has.

Also every dollar.

[♪♪♪]

Hey, everyone,
I've got good news.

Wait!

Start with the bad news.

There is no bad news.

Whenever there's good news,
there's always bad news.

Like the time my mother said



the whole family
was going on vacation,

but I couldn't come.

Well, that certainly
qualifies as bad news.

My mother said
that was the good news.

What's your
good news, Jarvis?

That Bowie's
finally finished talking.

Also, the Super Bowl ad
we ran for Everyball

was a huge success!

It's selling so well,
I've designed a companion toy,

Everybat.

Everybat uses
the same technology

to be any bat you want.

Like a baseball bat.

Can it be a cricket bat?

-Sure.
-[whoosh]

Can it be a bolo bat?

Yup.

Can it be a baseball bat?

Still yes.

Can it be
a leather-winged fruit bat?

Aah! Help! Help!

I'm surprised
that worked.

I was just
trying to hit him

with a baseball bat.

[♪♪♪]

♪ Buckle up ♪

♪ And hold on tight ♪

♪ You and me
on a wild ride ♪

♪ We're gonna own it
and change the game ♪

♪ Together we'll make it
all the way ♪

♪ Through all the ups
and all the downs, downs ♪

♪ We'll always find our way
around ♪

♪ So here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪

♪ Here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪

♪ Yeah, here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪

♪ You got me ♪

♪ I got you ♪

♪ Here we go ♪♪

Hey, Knox.

[gasps in horror]

What?
Is one of my flies undone?

That's my energy drink.

If I don't have
that, I...

[powering down]

[slurping]

Mm! [powering up]

[audience laughing]

How'd you even reach this?
I put it on the top shelf.

You're right!

Could that mean...

I grew? I grew!

I'm an inch taller!

Not necessarily.

Maybe everything else
in the world shrunk an inch.

Which means the majestic
inchworm is now extinct.

No, I grew!

I'm finally tall enough
to ride the roller coaster.

This is the moment
I've been waiting for!

-[pneumatic brakes hiss]
-Aah! Too fast!

Too fast! Stop the car.
Stop the car!

What's wrong?

I thought you wanted
to ride the coaster.

[pneumatic hissing]

Aah! Get it away!
Get it away!

[clank-thud]

Huh. I guess
he did grow an inch.

[♪♪♪]

That fruit bat
must have been attracted

to my Tutti-Frutti
Booty Wash.

I knew I shouldn't have
showered this month!

Jarvis,

we have serious issues.

I know! But you won't agree
to go to couples' counselling,

because as you put it,
"we're not a couple."

I mean
the company credit card.

It was declined.

I had to buy this mini-skirt
with my own money.

Why'd you use
the company credit card?

That's not a business expense.

I allowed it.

But that doesn't explain
why the card was declined.

Oh... I see how
someone could miss that.

What? What is it?

We're broke.

What are you talking about?
We're doing great.

Everyball is a huge hit.

Right, and because of that,

no one's buying
any of our basketballs,

soccer balls, volleyballs,

baseballs...

What about our basketballs?

Still no.

Turns out they made up
a big part of our business.

So... we're completely
out of money?

No. We still have $60 left
in petty cash.

Perfect! You can pay me back
for the skirt.

Now we're completely
out of money.

Come on, Aster.

You've been hiding
in there all day.

I'm not hiding.

I was just going
to the bathroom.

[toilet flushing]

[zip-zip-zip-zip-zip
zip-zip-zip]

[zip]

[zip!]

There's nothing
to be afraid of.

I've ridden this coaster
a thousand times...

this morning.

[vomiting]

Oh! But I'm scared!

They say that most people
who suffer from phobias

just need a little push.

Aah!

[shrieking]
Let me out. Let me out!

[shrieking]

Please keep your arms
in the coaster at all times.

Aah!

We're not gonna go
out of business, are we?

We can't!

I finally found
a place where I fit in.

You did? Where?

Is it near here?

It's right
at the top of this staircase.

Come on! I'll show you.

I'm sure there's a way
out of this financial mess.

I just need to think.
I'll be in my office.

About that... we have
so many unsold balls

that we ran out of
room in the warehouse.

We had to store them
anywhere we could,

including your office.

I don't want
a bunch of boxes in my office.

[bop-boff-bop]

Then you're in luck.

We didn't use boxes.

[speaking Meeskatanian]

Hurray. More cleaning.

Okay, until
the company recovers,

we just need
to tighten our belts.

I can't do that!
I don't have a belt.

I mean, we have to
get rid of nonessentials.

Way ahead of you.

I threw away my belt.

[as Candace]: The company's
in financial trouble?

[gasps]
This could be my big chance.

What was that,
Mrs. Bubkes?

[speaking Meeskatanian]

...Vacuum broken.

Great. Another expense.

We can't even afford
to pay the bills we have.

Well, which one
do we need to pay first?

I don't know.

I can't read them
in the dark.

Let's just relax.

A little power outage
won't hurt anyone.

[shrieking]: Aah!

Wait.

I'm not moving.

It's over?

It's over!
That wasn't so bad.

[shrieking]: Aah!

[♪♪♪]

[shrieking] Help!

Could you keep it down?
I'm trying to take a nap.

Why are you napping at work?

Someone turned out the lights.
I figured it was naptime.

You told me
the roller coaster was safe!

It is.
You're fine.

I'm the one
who's upside-down.

That's me!

Oh!

There, with these candle apps,
we can see what we're doing.

[Bowie]: Mrs. Bubkes,
I'm not a...

[water splashing]

...Mop.

[speaking Meeskatanian]

...Weigh the same.

Why are we even
here at night

with the power out?

Because we need to solve
our financial problems.

We can do that without power.

We don't need lights.

But no one can see me
in my new miniskirt

and halter top.

We need lights!

We can't
run a business like this.

At this rate, Knickknack Toys
will soon be worth nothing.

[as Candace]: Nothing?

I'd be happy to take it
off your hands

for next to nothing.

Candace?
How did you get in here?

Did anyone see her come in?

[overlapping]: Nope.

[as Bubkes]:
Yep. I mean, nope.

Forget it, Candace!

There is no way I will ever
sell you this company.

[as Candace]:
The choice is yours.

Sell to me
or go out of business.

When you're ready
to make a deal,

you know where to find me.

In my nightmares?

In an ugly,
ill-fitting powersuit?

In a candy house
in the forest?

[speaking Meeskatanian]
...Circus freak show?

In your apartment!

Can't believe you guys
didn't think of that one.

Okay, Aster, I called
the fire department.

Oh, good!

But they said they won't come.

What? Why not?

There's a five-alarm fire
down at the docks.

Apparently someone
left a candle app unattended?

So if I want them to come,
I have to start a fire?

[chuckles] No, no, no.

We just have to make this
a bigger emergency...

the one thing the fire
department can't ignore.

Help!

My cat is stuck in a tree.

I don't think they're coming.

Excuse me? What?

Meow-meow, meow-meow-meow,
meow.

I know, girl.
Don't be scared.

[♪♪♪]

Who needs power?
Or computers?

This old typewriter
works just fine.

W... W... W... dot...

You called me?

At my apartment?

[Bowie]: Yes! Nailed it.

I did.

And you considered my offer?

I did.

And you decided
to sell me the company?

I did...n't.

I'm not selling you the company.

Though...

I'd be open
to a partnership.

But I keep 51%.

That means
I'm in charge.

I make the decisions.

We've seen
how well that works.

You're not ruthless enough
to run a company!

I'm ruthless!

There's not one single person
in my life named "Ruth."

I need more than that.

Tell you what, prove to me
you can truly be ruthless,

and I'll let you keep 51%.

How am I supposed to do that?

By firing
someone who works here.

Except Mrs. Bubkes.

She needs the money

for a singles' cruise
to Machu Picchu.

But the people here
are my friends.

How could I ever
choose one to fire?

Jarvis!

I figured out how we can
get free electricity.

By standing on the roof

and harnessing
the power of lightning!

[♪♪♪]

I know you said
you needed a picture of me,

but without power,

I'm having a little trouble
taking a selfie.

I found one.

I've got pictures
of everyone up here.

Jarvis, what's wrong?

You look unhappy.

And I know unhappy.

If we want Candace
to bail out the company,

I have to fire someone.

Wow, that's rough.

I mean,
picking just one.

Geneva, Bowie, Knox, Aster...
they're all so dispensable!

I don't want to pick anyone.

But if I don't,
the company shuts down,

and everyone loses their job.

You just have to use
the process of elimination.

Obviously you're not
going to fire anyone

who's irreplaceable...

personally and professionally.

And personally.

And you're not going
to fire yourself.

So I'll just
keep this photo.

[snoring]

[Knox shouts]: Aster!

[louder]: Aster!

[snoring]

[alarm ringing]

Okay, okay, I'm getting up.

[yawning]

Aah!

Okay, we're gonna get you
out of there.

I'm gonna pull you
up to the roof.

Are you sure
you can lift someone my size?

I recently grew an inch!

It'll be fine.

Just tie the rope
around your waist!

I think I'll go
with a double Windsor knot

for a clean, timeless look.

All right, it's tied!

What's next?

Open the restraint!

What?
There's a plane going by!

[shouting over jet's roar]:
Open the restraint!

-[jet roaring]
-I can't hear you!

I said "open the restraint."

Okay.

[clunk]

Wait.

Shouldn't you be on the roof,

holding
the other end of the rope?

Uh-oh.

There's no way
Jarvis is ruthless enough

to fire one of his friends.

He'll have to let me
buy the whole company.

Which means I won't need all of
Mrs. Bubkes's padding anymore!

Ah, you never know
when it'll come in handy.

[incoming screaming]

-Aah!
[thud]

It's Geneva
you're firing, right?

I mean, she does
nothing around here!

[powering up]

All right!

The power's back on!

I sweet-talked the guy
at the power company.

I also sweet-talked the guy
at the power company...

so I guess we'll never know

who actually
got the lights back on.

So, haven't made
a decision, have you?

What decision?

[sighs] Unfortunately,

the only way to save the company
is to let Candace invest,

and she'll only invest
if I get rid of one of you.

Problem solved!
Aster's dead.

[groaning]

Well, I'm out of ideas.

[grumbles] Aah!

Oh, thank goodness,
my alarm clock's okay.

You're not really going
to fire someone, are you?

I have no choice.

I'm afraid one of you
has to leave Knickknack...

forever.

[♪♪♪]

[boing]

I've been torturing myself
with this decision...

but...

I've finally decided
who to fire.

It's someone who serves no real
useful purpose around here.

[all but Piper and Candace]:
You're firing me?

It's not one of you guys.

It's me?

But there are so many
other ways to go!

It's not you either.
It's Nigel.

[everyone]: Who?

Nigel.

[audience laughing]

He never gets
involved in anything.

He just hangs around
in the background

doing nothing.

I mean, even right now,

during maybe
the most important moment

in Knickknack history,

he's just back there
playing pinball.

Nigel... you're fired!

Now Nigel's out of a job
because you didn't die!

I hope you're happy.

Yeah. Kinda.

[whoosh]

[elevator dings]

[audience laughing]

I guess
we have a deal.

I didn't think
you had it in you,

but you actually
fired someone.

Hey, when I told you
I was ruthless,

I wasn't lying.

Hey, Ruth.

Wow. Nigel's
really leaving,

and after I just
learned his name.

It's weird. He's been
through so much with us.

[wistful guitar theme rises]

[♪♪♪]

It's like we're
losing a part of us.

I'm the brains
of Knickknack.

You're the heart.

Nigel's the...

appendix.

Wait. Can I make him
the tonsils instead?

That way we can all have
ice cream when he's gone!

Have you
seen Mrs. Bubkes?

She'd want to
say goodbye to Nigel.

Uhh...

She must be
around here somewhere.

Let's all go find her.

Yes! Good idea!

You 10 go that way,
I'll go this way.

[laughter]

[♪♪♪]

[as Candace]: Oh no!

I left my fat suit downstairs!

They'll know this perfect figure
doesn't belong to Mrs. Bubkes.

[laughter]

I can't find her anywhere.

Bubkes here!

Wah!

[crying out]

Wah!

Mrs. Bubkes!

Mrs. Bubkes,
what's with all the balls?

Uhh...

Who cares?

I just got
a great idea.

[♪♪♪]

The company's
doing great again,

and we used all our
excess ball inventory,

thanks to...

Bouncy Pants.

And Bouncy Blouse.

Each sold separately.

Good job, Mrs. Bubkes.

Thanks to you, we don't
need Candace's money.

She'll never
own Knickknack Toys.

[speaking Meeskatanian]

[as Candace]:
I hate my life.

And the best part is,

you don't have
to fire anyone.

You can give
Nigel his job back.

I tried,
but he turned me down.

He got the job of his dreams...

working at the arcade.

[ding]

Where's the coaster?

Where's the coaster?

It's right over there.

Don't be afraid.

Afraid?

I want to ride it.

You do?

Yeah, hanging upside-
down for 16 hours

then falling five stories

into a metal trash
can was...

exhilarating.

Coaster, here I come!

Not so fast.

Sorry,
sometimes I forget

you have trouble
processing.

[slowly]:
Coaster, here I come.

No.

I mean you're
too short to ride.

What?

But I grew an inch!

A whole inch!

I guess falling on your head
must've compressed you.

You might even be shorter
than you were before.

Nooooooooooo!

Do your bills keep piling up?

Do you owe money
to the gas company,

the water company,

and the power company?

If so, you need someone to
talk to those bill collectors.

You need a professional
sweet-talker.

That's why
I hired Bowie Sherman.

[♪♪♪]

Thanks, Geneva!

[sweetly]: Why don't
you run along now?

You'd do that for me,
wouldn't you?

I can't say no to you,

Bowie Sherman,
Professional Sweet-Talker.

So call Bowie Sherman today.

You know you want to.

I'm P. Everett Knickknack.

The "P" stands for

"please don't
use Knickknack equipment

to shoot
your own commercial."

Sorry. I thought
such a kind-hearted,

generous man like you

wouldn't mind.

Oh, I'll let it go
this time.

[ding]

[♪♪♪]