Some Assembly Required (2014–2016): Season 1, Episode 26 - Junior Fish Gutter - full transcript
To find out if Jarvis has any real feelings for her, Piper pretends she's been offered a new job at a toy company far, far away.
♪ Here we go ♪
Hey, Piper. Do you
have plans tonight?
Tonight?
Nope, none, nada!
What are you talking about?
We have plans to go to a movie.
[Thud]
Totally,
one hundred percent free!
Cool.
I was thinking of trying
this new club tonight.
So, like, a club for teens?
All ages.
Want to join me?
Sure. Why not?
Since, as I said,
I have no plans.
Great! Meet me
on the roof.
I'm going to change.
I'm hardly dressed
for clubbing.
Okay! I'll change too.
Do you even have
another outfit?
Please say yes.
Yeah. In my go-bag.
I keep a great outfit on hand
at all times
just in case Jarvis asks me out.
[Coughs]
It's been here a while.
Jarvis, I'm ready
to go clubbing!
[Jarvis]: Me too.
I thought we were going
to try out a new club.
We are.
This club.
Hopefully this will help me
finally get rid
of that killer bee hive.
[Buzzing]
[Screams]
Did you think we were doing
something else tonight?
No!
This is what I always wear
when I go clubbing...
bees.
Okay.
Here goes!
[Buzzing]
[Buzzing cuts out]
[Buzzing]
You must've hit a light bulb
by mistake,
because it suddenly got dark
out here.
And sticky.
And painful.
[Screaming]
This is why I hate
going clubbing.
It's always so noisy.
[Screaming]
♪ Buckle up ♪
♪ And hold on tight ♪
♪ You and me
on a wild ride ♪
♪ We're gonna own it
and change the game ♪
♪ Together we'll make it
all the way ♪
♪ Through all the ups
and all the downs, downs ♪
♪ We'll always find our way
around ♪
♪ So here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪
♪ Here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪
♪ Yeah, here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪
♪ You got me ♪
♪ I got you ♪
♪ Here we go ♪
You know, Piper, I read
all the fashion magazines,
and bee-stung lips
are very in right now.
Unfortunately,
I can't say the same
for bee-stung cheeks,
nostrils, and eyeballs.
[Scoffs]
Well, it's not like I needed
these lips for kissing.
Last night was
a total disaster.
About last night...
Thank you soooo much
for ditching me
and making me go to the movies
by myself.
I'm sorry.
I thought I had a chance
to go on a date with Jarvis.
Oh, I wasn't being sarcastic.
I was actually thanking you
for not coming.
I had a much better time
without you.
I can't believe I've made
absolutely no headway
with Jarvis!
We've been working together
for months.
Not only has he never kissed me,
I don't even know
how he feels about me.
There's a really
simple way to find out.
Ask him!
Maybe in an email.
I can't just come out
and ask him!
It's too embarrassing.
I wish there were some way
to put him in a position
where his true feelings
for me would come out.
You mean like asking him?
Yeah, like that, but
without the asking part.
Maybe Jarvis would be forced
to tell me how he really feels
if he thought I was leaving
the company forever.
I'm telling you,
it's way easier
to just ask someone
how they feel about you!
Observe.
Bowie, how do you feel
about me?
Mostly sad.
I find your biting comments
to be overcompensation
for your lack
of personality,
and your ridiculous
outfits
a desperate plea
for attention.
But at least you're
shorter than me.
[tearful] See?
Asking is the easiest way.
Man, I'm hungry.
I can't believe
I forgot my lunch!
[Stomach gurgles]
Sorry.
Our lunch.
There's got to be
something around here!
What's this?
Ooh! Leftover pizza!
Well, left-under pizza.
Yuck!
How long has this been here?
It's covered in mold!
Oh, I could have
fruit instead.
[Stomach gurgles]
Hey!
When I want your opinion,
I'll ask for it!
Do you think this tie
is too showy?
[Stomach grumbles]
[♪♪♪]
Job history. School grades.
Special skills.
I see what you're
up to, Piper. Clever.
You can tell that
I'm planning
to "accidentally"
bump into Jarvis
and drop all this paper,
then, when he helps
me pick it up,
he'll see that they're resumes,
think I'm leaving the company,
and tell me how
he really feels?
What? No.
I meant clever thinking
covering your face
with that stack of paper.
You put me down
as a reference?
Bad move.
[Piper]: There he is!
Just walking.
Hope no one's in my path.
Now I'm walking
the other way.
Hope no one's
in my path.
[Thud]
Jarvis!
I'm sorry,
I didn't see you.
Don't worry about it.
Oh... and, Piper?
Yes?
You dropped something.
[Phone rings]
Jarvis Raines!
[Piper, in low voice]
Yes, I'm inquiring
about Piper Gray's work history.
How long has she been
with Knickknack Toys?
You know how long
you've worked here, Piper.
[low voice] And what's with
the weird voice?
[Piper, low voice] I don't know
what you're talking about.
I have to go now.
Besides,
there's a knock at your door.
[Knocking]
Jarvis, I've been
offered another job!
I wanted to let you know
before you hear it
from some stranger
with a deep voice.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
You've been offered
another job?
Yep.
I'm sure you have questions.
Obvious, predictable questions
one might assume you'd ask
when faced with this situation.
Who offered you
this job?
A toy company.
What's the name
of this company?
Start to Finnish Toys.
Why have I never even
heard of this company?
Because it's in Finland.
Hence the name,
Start to Finnish.
The Finns are crazy
for wordplay.
What will you
be doing there?
Next week.
Wait.
You were supposed to ask me
when they want me to start.
When do they
want you to start?
Head of digital gaming.
Can we start over?
Tell you what, if you want
to know more about the company
that wants me to leave
Knickknack, and you, forever,
you can just check out
their website,
which they totally have.
And in a separate window,
you can play a slide show
of our times together
set to sad music.
[Sad music]
Wow. Who made this website?
Oh, some young
hotshot designer...
It's awful!
The layout is bad,
the graphics are cheesy,
and the word yhteyshenkilo
is missing an umlaut.
Website aside,
Start to Finnish
is an amazing company
that makes incredible toys.
Really?
Well, I'd love to see some.
You would?
Totally not a problem.
And definitely not outside
the scope of what I'd prepared.
I'll just go find
some of the company's best toys!
We're thinking one?
One'll do it?
One it is.
Sure, there's mold
on this pizza.
But there's pizza
under this mold!
And it doesn't seem to be
doing anything bad to me.
Are you sure
about that?
Who said that?
I did.
You're the guy
from our commercials!
I'm P. Everett Knickknack.
The "P" stands for...
Pizza?
Should you
be eating that?
It's fine.
It's a pleasure
to meet you in person!
Oh, good.
Bowie finally made
an imaginary friend.
P. Everett,
what are you doing here?
Just visiting
your world
from my home
in Cartoon City.
Cartoon City?
What is that...
a city for cartoons?
You cracked our code.
Cartoon City
is a magical place.
When you're there,
you can do, say, and
be anything you want!
Wow!
Cartoon City sounds awesome!
Can I visit?
No.
There are only two rules
in Cartoon City.
One, no humans allowed!
Two, no painting train tunnels
onto solid rock.
And three, nobody
in Cartoon City can count.
Anyway, got to run!
[Crash]
[♪♪♪]
You wanted to see examples
of toys Start to Finnish makes?
Well, I've got a whole bunch...
which, you may recall,
we defined as "one."
A toy knife?
It's a Nuorempi Puukko,
or Junior Fish Gutter.
As anyone who's ever read
a website about Finland knows,
most Finnish kids
will be gutting fish
by the time they're eight.
This toy teaches them how!
It even comes
with a real herring!
Want to see?
Anyway, you can have this.
I'll put it
in this Finnish tote bag...
which also came
with a free herring.
Why?
According to market research,
people prefer to buy things
that come with herring.
At least that's what I read
in this Finnish
business magazine.
Wow!
Whoever designed
this toy...
Is an inspired genius
who toiled for hours
after painstakingly
researching Finnish customs
and haggling
with an unreasonable fishmonger?
I was going to say,
is terrible at their job!
The colour choices
are boring,
the workmanship
is shoddy,
and the eyeball lance
would barely blind a smelt.
Fine.
Still,
I have to make a decision...
whether I stay here,
or leave forever...
and ever.
Never to return.
[Sad music]
Well, no sense letting
good herring go to waste.
How do you even
use this thing?
There's a phone number
on their website.
[Dials]
[Rings]
[Vibrates]
That's weird.
[Piper, low voice]: You have
reached the offices
of Start to Finnish Toys.
We can't come to the phone
right now
because we're either out
fishing for herring
or busy being a successful
and very real toy company.
Piper made it all up!
It's a fake company!
Now I'll never learn
how to gut a fish!
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
I can't believe
Piper's pretending she
might move to Finland!
I wish I could go.
To Finland?
To Cartoon City?
Yeah.
But how do I know it's real?
Bowie, Finland is real.
You're thinking of Norway.
There must be some way
to get there!
Yeah, by plane.
She must be doing this to try
to get me to give her a raise.
This is so unfair!
You're telling me!
Hey, don't... ah!
[Muffled screams]
Don't sit there!
You're right.
I can't just sit here.
I need to do something!
If Piper's going to mess
with me,
I'm going to mess with her.
[Knickknack, muffled]:
I hate when this happens.
[♪♪♪]
Maybe they'll let me
into Cartoon City
if I can pass for a cartoon!
I've got the look down...
but I need to work
on the actions.
Cartoons can do all kinds
of cool things,
like bulge their eyes out
really far.
[Grunts]
Ugh.
No bulgier than usual.
Maybe I can run like a cartoon.
No dust cloud or action lines.
Just a bunch
of pointless exercise!
All that's left is to try
running through a wall,
leaving a Bowie-shaped hole.
Is this a good idea?
Yes.
[Thud]
[Groaning]
[Birds chirp]
Darn it.
Even my concussion birds
aren't cartoons!
Anyway, that was the
best part of the movie!
Other than seeing it
without you.
Piper Gray.
Yes, I got your lovely
bouquet of herring.
But I'm still deciding
whether or not
I should take the job
and leave this place
and the people here... forever.
Piper, when you're
off the phone,
I'd like to talk to you.
I'm off!
There's something I've
been wanting to tell you.
I've been trying to figure out
the right way to say it
for a long time.
Really?
Yeah, and now that I know
you're thinking of leaving...
forever...
I just have to tell
you how I feel.
Tell me!
Tell me!
I think you should
take the job.
I feel exactly the same...
wait. What did you say?
I think you should take
the job in Finland
for that successful
and very real toy company.
It sounds like an
amazing opportunity,
and I'd never forgive myself
if I held you back.
Oh.
Okay.
Then I guess I'm moving
to Finland.
The herring is on the hook.
Well, I have to
give you credit.
Your plan to find out
how Jarvis really feels
totally worked.
He doesn't care
about you at all!
I did it!
I found Cartoon City!
Those online maps
are really thorough.
[klaxon blares]
Stop right there,
human.
I'm not human,
I swear.
Would a human have this face?
Only if he's very unlucky.
If you're a cartoon,
do cartoon things.
I don't wanna.
In that case...
I'm P. Everett Knickknack.
The "P" stands for...
"prison."
Prison?
You'll have to catch me first!
[Cartoon running SFX]
Did I just do
what I think I did?
It appears so.
And looks like
you broke a sweat.
[Sproing!]
Stink lines!
I have stink lines!
[strangled]
It's not that great.
Don't you see what this means?
I'm not human at all.
I'm a cartoon!
This explains so much!
Like human girls
not wanting to date me...
and human girls
not wanting to talk to me.
There are so many
things I have to try!
I'm doing it!
I'm defying gravity!
[Knickknack]:
Just don't look down.
Why?
What's down there?
Uh-oh.
[Whoosh]
[Crash]
Uggh...
I don't feel so well.
I think I'm going to be sick.
Blaaargh!
[Magical chime]
Wow!
Cartoon vomit is beautiful!
[Thunder crashes,
electricity shorts]
Regular vomit
is less beautiful...
but not without its charms.
I can't believe I'm
actually leaving Knickknack.
I guess I could've
avoided all this
by just asking Jarvis
how he feels about me.
I'm not going to say
I told you so.
I'm going to sing it!
[Broadway showtune]
♪ I told you ♪
Piper!
Please stop packing
up your desk.
Really?
You want me to stop?
Yeah. You can
finish later...
after your
Going Away party!
[♪ For She's
A Jolly Good Fellow ♪]
Going Away party?
Yeah,
because you're going away.
Far, far away.
Forever.
Where are Geneva
and Knox?
They got confused and thought
it was a "Go Away" party,
so they left.
This ought to teach
Piper a lesson.
Trying to trick me
into giving her a raise?
If someone wants a raise,
they should just come
right out and ask me.
Can I have a raise?
[Cartoon running SFX]
I guess if this is
my Going Away party...
then I really
have to go away.
But I don't want
to stop working here!
[Speaks Meeskatanian
with mouth full]
...said a mouthful.
Maybe I could get a new job
at Knickknack as someone else.
I could wear a disguise!
[Speaking Meeskatanian]
Seems desperate.
[♪♪♪]
I can't believe
this all started
because I wanted a kiss.
I can't believe
this all started
because Piper wanted a raise.
Well, I guess it's
time for me to go.
Piper...
this isn't goodbye.
It's not?
No...
it's Hyvasti!
That's Finnish
for "farewell".
Or possibly
"fart well".
The fishmonger who taught me
how to say it
had a very thick accent.
Anyway, good luck
with the new job, Piper!
Thanks.
[both]: Wait!
There's something
I need to say!
You go first.
No, you go first.
Really?
Never mind, it's only...
You go first!
Okay, okay.
Piper... I know
there's no other job.
Oh.
And I know what this
whole thing is about.
I know what you
want from me.
You... do?
Yeah.
And I can tell you've been
wanting one for quite a while.
The truth is,
I wouldn't mind giving you one.
You wouldn't?
No.
But it's not going
to be a big one.
That's okay! I'll
take what I can get!
I'm just glad you finally
want to give me one.
Well, it's only fair.
I gave one to Geneva
last month,
and I'm even thinking
of giving one to Bowie.
You are?
He really wants one.
He came right out
and asked me.
And I've got to say, I find
his directness refreshing.
Okay, one question...
what are you talking about?
A raise!
I know you made up
that fake job in Finland
because you want me
to give you a raise.
What?
I mean...
What a brilliant
mind you have,
seeing through my plan!
A raise. Yep.
That is the thing
I wanted you to give me.
A long, lingering raise.
So, wait...
you knew all along?
When you were trashing
the website I designed
and the toy I made?
No, I didn't know then.
I totally thought
those were real.
Oh.
So you really did think
they were awful.
Actually, I thought
they were cool and original.
But... I wanted
to make it seem
like Start to Finnish
was a lousy company.
Why?
So you wouldn't want
to take the job.
I didn't want to lose you!
I can't imagine
coming to work every day
and not seeing your face.
Jarvis... that's so sweet.
Is it?
Great!
I'll go try it on Bowie
and see if I can get out
of that raise too.
[Broadway showtune]
♪ I told you ♪
♪ Soooooooooooo ♪
[♪♪♪]
[Heavy accent]:
Are you a kid
who wants to be
useful to his parents
during the long,
unforgiving Finnish winter?
Well, now you can,
with the Junior Fish Gutter!
It comes complete with scaler,
slicer,
eyeball lance,
and intestine puller-outer!
Plus, we'll throw in
a free herring!
Nuorempi Puukko
from Knickknack!
I'm P. Everett Knickknack.
The "P" stands for...
"p-p-p-parka!"
What does it take
to get a coat around here?
Oh, you know what?
Forget this!
I'll be in my trailer!
[Cartoon running SFX]
[♪♪♪]
Hey, Piper. Do you
have plans tonight?
Tonight?
Nope, none, nada!
What are you talking about?
We have plans to go to a movie.
[Thud]
Totally,
one hundred percent free!
Cool.
I was thinking of trying
this new club tonight.
So, like, a club for teens?
All ages.
Want to join me?
Sure. Why not?
Since, as I said,
I have no plans.
Great! Meet me
on the roof.
I'm going to change.
I'm hardly dressed
for clubbing.
Okay! I'll change too.
Do you even have
another outfit?
Please say yes.
Yeah. In my go-bag.
I keep a great outfit on hand
at all times
just in case Jarvis asks me out.
[Coughs]
It's been here a while.
Jarvis, I'm ready
to go clubbing!
[Jarvis]: Me too.
I thought we were going
to try out a new club.
We are.
This club.
Hopefully this will help me
finally get rid
of that killer bee hive.
[Buzzing]
[Screams]
Did you think we were doing
something else tonight?
No!
This is what I always wear
when I go clubbing...
bees.
Okay.
Here goes!
[Buzzing]
[Buzzing cuts out]
[Buzzing]
You must've hit a light bulb
by mistake,
because it suddenly got dark
out here.
And sticky.
And painful.
[Screaming]
This is why I hate
going clubbing.
It's always so noisy.
[Screaming]
♪ Buckle up ♪
♪ And hold on tight ♪
♪ You and me
on a wild ride ♪
♪ We're gonna own it
and change the game ♪
♪ Together we'll make it
all the way ♪
♪ Through all the ups
and all the downs, downs ♪
♪ We'll always find our way
around ♪
♪ So here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪
♪ Here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪
♪ Yeah, here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪
♪ You got me ♪
♪ I got you ♪
♪ Here we go ♪
You know, Piper, I read
all the fashion magazines,
and bee-stung lips
are very in right now.
Unfortunately,
I can't say the same
for bee-stung cheeks,
nostrils, and eyeballs.
[Scoffs]
Well, it's not like I needed
these lips for kissing.
Last night was
a total disaster.
About last night...
Thank you soooo much
for ditching me
and making me go to the movies
by myself.
I'm sorry.
I thought I had a chance
to go on a date with Jarvis.
Oh, I wasn't being sarcastic.
I was actually thanking you
for not coming.
I had a much better time
without you.
I can't believe I've made
absolutely no headway
with Jarvis!
We've been working together
for months.
Not only has he never kissed me,
I don't even know
how he feels about me.
There's a really
simple way to find out.
Ask him!
Maybe in an email.
I can't just come out
and ask him!
It's too embarrassing.
I wish there were some way
to put him in a position
where his true feelings
for me would come out.
You mean like asking him?
Yeah, like that, but
without the asking part.
Maybe Jarvis would be forced
to tell me how he really feels
if he thought I was leaving
the company forever.
I'm telling you,
it's way easier
to just ask someone
how they feel about you!
Observe.
Bowie, how do you feel
about me?
Mostly sad.
I find your biting comments
to be overcompensation
for your lack
of personality,
and your ridiculous
outfits
a desperate plea
for attention.
But at least you're
shorter than me.
[tearful] See?
Asking is the easiest way.
Man, I'm hungry.
I can't believe
I forgot my lunch!
[Stomach gurgles]
Sorry.
Our lunch.
There's got to be
something around here!
What's this?
Ooh! Leftover pizza!
Well, left-under pizza.
Yuck!
How long has this been here?
It's covered in mold!
Oh, I could have
fruit instead.
[Stomach gurgles]
Hey!
When I want your opinion,
I'll ask for it!
Do you think this tie
is too showy?
[Stomach grumbles]
[♪♪♪]
Job history. School grades.
Special skills.
I see what you're
up to, Piper. Clever.
You can tell that
I'm planning
to "accidentally"
bump into Jarvis
and drop all this paper,
then, when he helps
me pick it up,
he'll see that they're resumes,
think I'm leaving the company,
and tell me how
he really feels?
What? No.
I meant clever thinking
covering your face
with that stack of paper.
You put me down
as a reference?
Bad move.
[Piper]: There he is!
Just walking.
Hope no one's in my path.
Now I'm walking
the other way.
Hope no one's
in my path.
[Thud]
Jarvis!
I'm sorry,
I didn't see you.
Don't worry about it.
Oh... and, Piper?
Yes?
You dropped something.
[Phone rings]
Jarvis Raines!
[Piper, in low voice]
Yes, I'm inquiring
about Piper Gray's work history.
How long has she been
with Knickknack Toys?
You know how long
you've worked here, Piper.
[low voice] And what's with
the weird voice?
[Piper, low voice] I don't know
what you're talking about.
I have to go now.
Besides,
there's a knock at your door.
[Knocking]
Jarvis, I've been
offered another job!
I wanted to let you know
before you hear it
from some stranger
with a deep voice.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
You've been offered
another job?
Yep.
I'm sure you have questions.
Obvious, predictable questions
one might assume you'd ask
when faced with this situation.
Who offered you
this job?
A toy company.
What's the name
of this company?
Start to Finnish Toys.
Why have I never even
heard of this company?
Because it's in Finland.
Hence the name,
Start to Finnish.
The Finns are crazy
for wordplay.
What will you
be doing there?
Next week.
Wait.
You were supposed to ask me
when they want me to start.
When do they
want you to start?
Head of digital gaming.
Can we start over?
Tell you what, if you want
to know more about the company
that wants me to leave
Knickknack, and you, forever,
you can just check out
their website,
which they totally have.
And in a separate window,
you can play a slide show
of our times together
set to sad music.
[Sad music]
Wow. Who made this website?
Oh, some young
hotshot designer...
It's awful!
The layout is bad,
the graphics are cheesy,
and the word yhteyshenkilo
is missing an umlaut.
Website aside,
Start to Finnish
is an amazing company
that makes incredible toys.
Really?
Well, I'd love to see some.
You would?
Totally not a problem.
And definitely not outside
the scope of what I'd prepared.
I'll just go find
some of the company's best toys!
We're thinking one?
One'll do it?
One it is.
Sure, there's mold
on this pizza.
But there's pizza
under this mold!
And it doesn't seem to be
doing anything bad to me.
Are you sure
about that?
Who said that?
I did.
You're the guy
from our commercials!
I'm P. Everett Knickknack.
The "P" stands for...
Pizza?
Should you
be eating that?
It's fine.
It's a pleasure
to meet you in person!
Oh, good.
Bowie finally made
an imaginary friend.
P. Everett,
what are you doing here?
Just visiting
your world
from my home
in Cartoon City.
Cartoon City?
What is that...
a city for cartoons?
You cracked our code.
Cartoon City
is a magical place.
When you're there,
you can do, say, and
be anything you want!
Wow!
Cartoon City sounds awesome!
Can I visit?
No.
There are only two rules
in Cartoon City.
One, no humans allowed!
Two, no painting train tunnels
onto solid rock.
And three, nobody
in Cartoon City can count.
Anyway, got to run!
[Crash]
[♪♪♪]
You wanted to see examples
of toys Start to Finnish makes?
Well, I've got a whole bunch...
which, you may recall,
we defined as "one."
A toy knife?
It's a Nuorempi Puukko,
or Junior Fish Gutter.
As anyone who's ever read
a website about Finland knows,
most Finnish kids
will be gutting fish
by the time they're eight.
This toy teaches them how!
It even comes
with a real herring!
Want to see?
Anyway, you can have this.
I'll put it
in this Finnish tote bag...
which also came
with a free herring.
Why?
According to market research,
people prefer to buy things
that come with herring.
At least that's what I read
in this Finnish
business magazine.
Wow!
Whoever designed
this toy...
Is an inspired genius
who toiled for hours
after painstakingly
researching Finnish customs
and haggling
with an unreasonable fishmonger?
I was going to say,
is terrible at their job!
The colour choices
are boring,
the workmanship
is shoddy,
and the eyeball lance
would barely blind a smelt.
Fine.
Still,
I have to make a decision...
whether I stay here,
or leave forever...
and ever.
Never to return.
[Sad music]
Well, no sense letting
good herring go to waste.
How do you even
use this thing?
There's a phone number
on their website.
[Dials]
[Rings]
[Vibrates]
That's weird.
[Piper, low voice]: You have
reached the offices
of Start to Finnish Toys.
We can't come to the phone
right now
because we're either out
fishing for herring
or busy being a successful
and very real toy company.
Piper made it all up!
It's a fake company!
Now I'll never learn
how to gut a fish!
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
I can't believe
Piper's pretending she
might move to Finland!
I wish I could go.
To Finland?
To Cartoon City?
Yeah.
But how do I know it's real?
Bowie, Finland is real.
You're thinking of Norway.
There must be some way
to get there!
Yeah, by plane.
She must be doing this to try
to get me to give her a raise.
This is so unfair!
You're telling me!
Hey, don't... ah!
[Muffled screams]
Don't sit there!
You're right.
I can't just sit here.
I need to do something!
If Piper's going to mess
with me,
I'm going to mess with her.
[Knickknack, muffled]:
I hate when this happens.
[♪♪♪]
Maybe they'll let me
into Cartoon City
if I can pass for a cartoon!
I've got the look down...
but I need to work
on the actions.
Cartoons can do all kinds
of cool things,
like bulge their eyes out
really far.
[Grunts]
Ugh.
No bulgier than usual.
Maybe I can run like a cartoon.
No dust cloud or action lines.
Just a bunch
of pointless exercise!
All that's left is to try
running through a wall,
leaving a Bowie-shaped hole.
Is this a good idea?
Yes.
[Thud]
[Groaning]
[Birds chirp]
Darn it.
Even my concussion birds
aren't cartoons!
Anyway, that was the
best part of the movie!
Other than seeing it
without you.
Piper Gray.
Yes, I got your lovely
bouquet of herring.
But I'm still deciding
whether or not
I should take the job
and leave this place
and the people here... forever.
Piper, when you're
off the phone,
I'd like to talk to you.
I'm off!
There's something I've
been wanting to tell you.
I've been trying to figure out
the right way to say it
for a long time.
Really?
Yeah, and now that I know
you're thinking of leaving...
forever...
I just have to tell
you how I feel.
Tell me!
Tell me!
I think you should
take the job.
I feel exactly the same...
wait. What did you say?
I think you should take
the job in Finland
for that successful
and very real toy company.
It sounds like an
amazing opportunity,
and I'd never forgive myself
if I held you back.
Oh.
Okay.
Then I guess I'm moving
to Finland.
The herring is on the hook.
Well, I have to
give you credit.
Your plan to find out
how Jarvis really feels
totally worked.
He doesn't care
about you at all!
I did it!
I found Cartoon City!
Those online maps
are really thorough.
[klaxon blares]
Stop right there,
human.
I'm not human,
I swear.
Would a human have this face?
Only if he's very unlucky.
If you're a cartoon,
do cartoon things.
I don't wanna.
In that case...
I'm P. Everett Knickknack.
The "P" stands for...
"prison."
Prison?
You'll have to catch me first!
[Cartoon running SFX]
Did I just do
what I think I did?
It appears so.
And looks like
you broke a sweat.
[Sproing!]
Stink lines!
I have stink lines!
[strangled]
It's not that great.
Don't you see what this means?
I'm not human at all.
I'm a cartoon!
This explains so much!
Like human girls
not wanting to date me...
and human girls
not wanting to talk to me.
There are so many
things I have to try!
I'm doing it!
I'm defying gravity!
[Knickknack]:
Just don't look down.
Why?
What's down there?
Uh-oh.
[Whoosh]
[Crash]
Uggh...
I don't feel so well.
I think I'm going to be sick.
Blaaargh!
[Magical chime]
Wow!
Cartoon vomit is beautiful!
[Thunder crashes,
electricity shorts]
Regular vomit
is less beautiful...
but not without its charms.
I can't believe I'm
actually leaving Knickknack.
I guess I could've
avoided all this
by just asking Jarvis
how he feels about me.
I'm not going to say
I told you so.
I'm going to sing it!
[Broadway showtune]
♪ I told you ♪
Piper!
Please stop packing
up your desk.
Really?
You want me to stop?
Yeah. You can
finish later...
after your
Going Away party!
[♪ For She's
A Jolly Good Fellow ♪]
Going Away party?
Yeah,
because you're going away.
Far, far away.
Forever.
Where are Geneva
and Knox?
They got confused and thought
it was a "Go Away" party,
so they left.
This ought to teach
Piper a lesson.
Trying to trick me
into giving her a raise?
If someone wants a raise,
they should just come
right out and ask me.
Can I have a raise?
[Cartoon running SFX]
I guess if this is
my Going Away party...
then I really
have to go away.
But I don't want
to stop working here!
[Speaks Meeskatanian
with mouth full]
...said a mouthful.
Maybe I could get a new job
at Knickknack as someone else.
I could wear a disguise!
[Speaking Meeskatanian]
Seems desperate.
[♪♪♪]
I can't believe
this all started
because I wanted a kiss.
I can't believe
this all started
because Piper wanted a raise.
Well, I guess it's
time for me to go.
Piper...
this isn't goodbye.
It's not?
No...
it's Hyvasti!
That's Finnish
for "farewell".
Or possibly
"fart well".
The fishmonger who taught me
how to say it
had a very thick accent.
Anyway, good luck
with the new job, Piper!
Thanks.
[both]: Wait!
There's something
I need to say!
You go first.
No, you go first.
Really?
Never mind, it's only...
You go first!
Okay, okay.
Piper... I know
there's no other job.
Oh.
And I know what this
whole thing is about.
I know what you
want from me.
You... do?
Yeah.
And I can tell you've been
wanting one for quite a while.
The truth is,
I wouldn't mind giving you one.
You wouldn't?
No.
But it's not going
to be a big one.
That's okay! I'll
take what I can get!
I'm just glad you finally
want to give me one.
Well, it's only fair.
I gave one to Geneva
last month,
and I'm even thinking
of giving one to Bowie.
You are?
He really wants one.
He came right out
and asked me.
And I've got to say, I find
his directness refreshing.
Okay, one question...
what are you talking about?
A raise!
I know you made up
that fake job in Finland
because you want me
to give you a raise.
What?
I mean...
What a brilliant
mind you have,
seeing through my plan!
A raise. Yep.
That is the thing
I wanted you to give me.
A long, lingering raise.
So, wait...
you knew all along?
When you were trashing
the website I designed
and the toy I made?
No, I didn't know then.
I totally thought
those were real.
Oh.
So you really did think
they were awful.
Actually, I thought
they were cool and original.
But... I wanted
to make it seem
like Start to Finnish
was a lousy company.
Why?
So you wouldn't want
to take the job.
I didn't want to lose you!
I can't imagine
coming to work every day
and not seeing your face.
Jarvis... that's so sweet.
Is it?
Great!
I'll go try it on Bowie
and see if I can get out
of that raise too.
[Broadway showtune]
♪ I told you ♪
♪ Soooooooooooo ♪
[♪♪♪]
[Heavy accent]:
Are you a kid
who wants to be
useful to his parents
during the long,
unforgiving Finnish winter?
Well, now you can,
with the Junior Fish Gutter!
It comes complete with scaler,
slicer,
eyeball lance,
and intestine puller-outer!
Plus, we'll throw in
a free herring!
Nuorempi Puukko
from Knickknack!
I'm P. Everett Knickknack.
The "P" stands for...
"p-p-p-parka!"
What does it take
to get a coat around here?
Oh, you know what?
Forget this!
I'll be in my trailer!
[Cartoon running SFX]
[♪♪♪]