Some Assembly Required (2014–2016): Season 1, Episode 4 - Rainbow Bunny - full transcript

♪ Here we go ♪

Ew.
Is that a headband?

Because I wish it were banned
from your head.

This is one of Knickknack's
less popular toys...

the Hands-Free Paddle Ball.

[Ball bounces]

Ow! My eye!

I don't know
why it's unpopular.

It's hilarious.

[Laughs]

I've decided to retire



some of the less popular things
around here.

Bowie, you're retiring?

["For He's A Jolly
Good Fellow" plays]

[Blowing party horn]

No, I'm not...

We can't miss you
if you don't leave!

We're retiring some
of our less popular toys.

On the same day
Bowie's retiring?

Ooh,
this little guy is so cute!

I just want to nuzzle him
forever.

Mmm...

I mean...

Look, a bunny.

[Audience laughs]



I remember this guy.

Rainbow Bunny,
the bunny so magical, it...

[Magical chime,
then wet plop]

Poops rainbows!

Ooh!

It looks just like a rainbow!

And smells just like poop.

No wonder that
toy didn't sell.

Well, it's not a big seller,
but it has a loyal fan base.

We sell
about a thousand a year.

I guess we could keep
those people happy.

Geneva, order a thousand.

Looks like Rainbow Bunny
is not retiring!

[Bowie]: Too bad.

He does not know
what he's missing.

[♪♪♪]

[Slurping]

♪ Buckle up ♪

♪ And hold on tight ♪

♪ You and me
on a wild ride ♪

♪ We're gonna own it
and change the game ♪

♪ Together we'll make it
all the way ♪

♪ Through all the ups
and all the downs, downs ♪

♪ We'll always find our way
around ♪

♪ So here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪

♪ Here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪

♪ Yeah, here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪

♪ You got me ♪

♪ I got you ♪

♪ Here we go ♪

[Elevator rumbles]

[Ding]

Oof!

[Audience laughs]

Geneva, why are these boxes
piled in front of the elevator?

Because there wasn't room
anywhere else.

[Audience laughs]

What's in these boxes?

Wh-whoa!

[Magical chiming,
wet plops]

This one's full
of Rainbow Bunnies.

So's this one.

[Chiming]

Ditto over here.

Geneva, I told you
to only order a thousand.

That's what I did.

Here's a copy
of the order form.

Under quantity, I wrote
one, zero, zero, zero

in the little boxes.

Since we didn't want
any more than that,

I put zeroes
in the rest of the boxes.

That's a million!

There are Rainbow Bunnies
in all these boxes?

We don't know that.

Now we know it.

We didn't open this box.

It's more Rainbow Bunnies!

[Rapid magical chiming,
poop splatting]

And more rainbow poop.

[Shutter clicks]

[Shutter clicks]

[Shutter clicks]

I look so unnatural.

Maybe I need to take
a stealthy selfie.

[Whistles nonchalantly]

[Shutter clicks]

I totally knew it was coming.

Oh, that's a good picture
of you.

You think it's a good picture?

No.

I said it was a good picture
of you.

Do you mind?
I'm kind of busy.

I'm working on the
Knickknack website,

and I need a photo
for my profile.

You could use this one.

[Audience laughs]

It needs to be
a photo of me.

Well, if you change
your mind

and want to use
one of my pictures,

I've got 12,347...

[Shutter clicks]

...48!

Ooh, stealthy selfie.

Those always turn out great!

All these pictures
are perfect!

Can you even take
a bad picture?

Yeah! Definitely.

I don't mean of me!

[Audience laughs]

[Chime, plop]

[Audience laughs]

There are
a lot of Rainbow Bunnies,

but at least,
unlike real bunnies,

they don't multiply.

I think those two are trying.

We have to figure out

a way to unload a million
of our least popular toy.

Already on it.

We make a deal
with a cereal company

where you get one free
Rainbow Bunny prize

in every box.

[Magic chime, poop splat]

Okay, you get two free
prizes in every box.

[Aster]: Well, I got rid
of 20 Rainbow Bunnies.

What did you do
to those poor bunnies?

They're fine.

[Weak mechanical whirring]

[Magical chime warps
as it powers down]

I don't know if that
was a good idea.

Why not?

[Grunting]

That's why!

[Lock clicks]

I regret nothing.
I look fantastic!

I always knew
this day would come.

You knew we'd be surrounded
by a horde of mechanical bunnies

that poop rainbows?

No.

Tuesday.

I just thought it would be
later in the week.

[Door rattles]

Hey!

This is just like a scene
from that Chase Runner movie,

"Zombie-cano!"

when a volcano erupts

and spews thousands of zombies
all over New York City.

That was great.

But you could totally tell
it was shot in Vancouver.

[Audience laughs]

I can't believe you like
Chase Runner movies.

His films are so pedestrian.

Particularly his last
movie, "Pedestrian."

Guys, do you hear that?

It sounds like the Rainbow
Bunnies are gone.

Noooo!

Guys, it's okay!

The Rainbow Bunnies are gone!

[Sinister music]

[Bowie screams]

[Mechanical whirring]

Help me!

I cannot believe
we're wearing the same outfit.

It's all right, man.

We'll help you
through this.

[Banging]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

I think that was the last one.

[Audience laughs]

It was lucky we were able
to use Bowie as bait.

I'll never forget him.

[Bowie]: I'm right here.

[Knox]: Whoa...

He's the star
of that hilarious video

where the dorky kid gets mauled
by Rainbow Bunnies.

[Bowie screams]

Heh heh...

That's how we can make
Rainbow Bunny more popular...

give him his own show!

Ooh!
Can I play Rainbow Bunny?

I've been practicing
pooping rainbows.

So far I'm up to one colour...

Blue.

I wish those stupid bunnies

would quit destroying
the company!

That's my job.

What's that,
Mrs. Bubkes?

Uh...

[Speaks other language]

Adorable poop!

At least someone's happy.

Geneva looks amazing
in all her photos,

and I look terrible in mine.

Oh, Geneva...

[Squeals in admiration]

Va va va voom!

[Speaking other language]

Swamp donkey!

[Audience laughs]

There's no way Geneva
looks good in every picture.

There's got to be some way
I can prove it.

That's it!

Everyone looks bad
in roller coaster pictures.

Thanks, Mrs. Bubkes!

[Replies in other language]

Swamp Donkey.

[Camera clicks]

Oh, that's a load of...

[Magical chime, poop splat]

[Bouncing sounds]

♪ Well... my... ♪

♪ name is Rainbow Bunny ♪

♪ I come out
when it's sunny ♪

♪ My poops are cute and funny ♪

♪ Please ask
your mom for money ♪

♪ To buy a Rainbow Bunny ♪

This is going to be
the best Internet video

since that one
with the dorky kid

getting mauled
by Rainbow Bunnies.

Boy, am I hungry!

And would you look here,
a carrot patch!

I sure hope Farmer Ted
doesn't show up!

That would be
a hare-y situation!

[Bouncing]

Haiii-ya!

Knox!

What are you doing?

Playing my part.

The script says
I'm a...

Karate Farmer.

That says
"Carrot Farmer!"

Got it.

[Bouncing]

Darn you,
Rainbow Bunny!

You are stealing
all my karates.

Uh-oh!

[Chimes and poops]

[Audience laughs]

Oh, my goodness!

My karates have grown
bigger than ever!

That's because
my rainbow poop

is filled with happiness
and magic!

I love you,
Rainbow Bunny.

Haiii-ya!

[♪♪♪]

All right, how many views
do we have?

We're already
at 200...

Including the 200
times we refreshed

to see how many
views we had.

We need something
to get our video noticed.

Like a celebrity guest star.

I heard Chase
Runner's in town,

signing copies
of his autobiography

"Cut to the Chase."

Not that I'm the President
of his fan club or anything.

I'm the Treasurer.

[♪♪♪]

[Gasps]
It's him!

It's Chase Runner!

[Pants excitedly]

I'm your biggest fan!

Knox, he's cardboard.

Yes, I've read
reviews of his acting.

But I like him.

Yes,
this is my entire life story!

In fact, here's the moment
that just happened between us!

[Typewriter clacks]

[ding]

Excuse me, Mr. Runner?

We were wondering if you'd
star in a show we're making.

[Typing]

[ding]

"And then I was asked
to star in a show

by an obnoxious kid
and a fancy-pants elf."

Hey!

This is a fancy
shirt, too.

"So then I reminded them
that I am a huge movie star...

and threw them...
out of the bookstore?"

[♪♪♪]

Well, Chase Runner said "no."

He talked to you?

How'd you get him
to say anything?

Hello?

On the bright side,
this trip wasn't a total loss.

I found this book on finding
the bright side of things.

[Jarvis]:
We can't leave.

We have a million
Rainbow Bunnies to get rid of.

We need Chase Runner
to be in our show!

And how are we supposed
to make that happen?

Let's think about it.

In episode two, a magician,
played by Chase Runner,

is annoyed when Rainbow
Bunny pops out of his hat

and ruins the show.

But the kids love it!

And the two become
fast friends.

Wow.
We are good writers!

But Chase said
he won't do our show.

Though on the bright side...

I got nothin'.

We'll put him in the show
without him knowing it.

We just need to trick him
into saying three lines...

"Abracadabra,"

"You're ruining
my show,"

and "I love you."

Aw. I love you
too, man.

What's the third line?

Okay, Knox, you're playing
a Chase Runner superfan.

[Bowie]: Actually,
I'm playing that part.

Whoa.

You're that guy
from the picture

hanging in my bathroom
over the sink.

What?

I have a picture of Bowie
next to my mirror.

[Audience laughs]

Geneva!

I heard
your passport's expired.

My passport's
not expired.

Well, it's missing.

[Gasps]
It is missing!

My mom told me whenever
I lose anything,

I should check the
last place I saw it,

which was right here
in mid-air.

Nope, not there.

Anyway, doesn't matter.
I'm not going anywhere.

Fine, if you don't mind
missing the...

Miss Wherever-Mrs-Bubkes
Is-From Beauty Pageant.

Beauty pageant?

I need a passport!

Mine's...

still missing!

No problem.
We can get you a new one.

I know you're worried
your passport photo

will look terrible
like everyone's does.

Relax.

I know what I'm doing.

Stark lighting...

No makeup...

Unflattering frown...

Perfect!

[Camera clicks]

[Audience laughs]

Well, I'm off
to Wherever-Mrs-Bubkes-Is-From!

Wish me luck.

Or as Mrs. Bubkes says,

[Speaks other language]
obnoxious kids!

It's such a beautiful language.

Who should I make it out to?

[Boing boing boing]

Okay. "Mmm-boing."
I heard you the first time.

Cow-a-bongos, man.

Chase Runner superfan
coming through.

Mr. Runner, sir?

I have a gnarled problem,

and would be tootally staked
if you helped me.

What is it?

Has a local ski resort
been struck by a Zombie-lanche?

No.

I was having a wicker time
with my radicchio friends,

and I lost my hackety sack!

I'll help you find it.

Remember, all we need him
to say is, "Abracadabra,"

"You're ruining my show,"
and "I love you."

I've got the rainbow poop
trigger ready.

Found it!

Right on, duke!

[♪♪♪]

I can't believe you won

the Miss Wherever-Mrs-Bubkes
Is-From Beauty Pageant!

Neither can she.

[Speaking other language]
popularity contest.

[Accordion twangs]

Anyway, I was just about to
watch my favourite movie.

It's a romantic tearjerker

about star-crossed lovers
from different worlds.

She's a wealthy socialite,

he's a mer-man...

dying of...

seasickness.

I don't know.

Sad movies make me...

sad.

Perfect!

[Swelling orchestral soundtrack]

[Geneva bawls]

Waaaaaah!

She loved him so much,
she gave up her inheritance

to be with him
in his final days!

She even became
a female mer-man!

[Bawls]

Also known as...

a ferman!

[Bawling]

Ha!

[Camera clicks]

Gaaaahh!

I hate these stupid pictures!

Why did I print this so big?

So, where's your book?

I keep it safe from
harm in this top hat.

Just reach inside the hat
and pull it out.

Then sign
with this special pen.

Who do I make it out to?

Abracadabra.

Abracadabra?

That's one!

Gracious me!

Is this a magic show?

What are you doing?

You're ruining my...

book signing!

Are you sure
it isn't more of a show?

No.
It's a book signing.

Right, but if it were a show,
would I be ruining it?

Yes.

Ruining what?

My show.

And what would I
be doing to it?

Ruining it.

So how would you say
all that together?

Extremely well.
I'm a professional actor.

Let's come back to this.

All right, Bowie.

Now you just need him
to say, "I love you."

How am I supposed to get him
to say that?

I can't even get
my mother to say it.

On the bright side,
that builds character.

[Chase]: Hey!

What's that button?

Uh...

it's...

Now, don't be shy.

You obviously brought it
so that I can reenact

my famous scene
from "Pedestrian,"

where I need to cross the street
to save the hostages,

but the light... won't...
change!

[Jarvis]: Uh-oh...

Anything for my fans.

I love you!

That's two!

Don't worry, hostages!

I'm coming!

[Magical chime,
wet plop]

[Chime, plop]

Come on, light!

Change, darn you!

Change!

[chiming and plopping]

Ugh...

The horrible, putrid stench
of rainbows!

Forget it, guys.

We tried.

Let's go.

[Gasps]

You're Rainbow Bunny!

I'm a huge fan!

You are?

Yeah!

I'm the Treasurer of the
Rainbow Bunny Fan Club!

I buy, like, a thousand
Rainbow Bunnies a year!

I can't believe
you're here!

Don't squeeze too tight!
I'm full of...

[Chime, plop]

Careful!

You're ruining my shoe!

Seriously?

[♪♪♪]

[Music, bouncing sound]

Ahem...

Abracadabra!

[Magical chime, wet plop]

That's your cue, rabbit!

Gracious me!

Is this a magic show?

I love magic!

Aaahhhh!

[stretching sound]

[boing boing boing]

Hey!
That's my belt!

[Pants rustle]

You're ruining my show!

I quit!

[Sploosh]

[Audience laughs]

[Boing boing boing]

[Children laugh]

[Kids cheer]

Well, the kids
seem to like it.

[Announcer]: Rainbow Bunny,
from Knickknack.

Buy one, get a thousand free.

I love you,
Rainbow Bunny.

[Cheering]

Haiii-ya!

I'm P. Everett
Knickknack.

The "P" stands for...

[Chime, plop]

Please buy them!

[♪♪♪]