Some Assembly Required (2014–2016): Season 1, Episode 19 - Very Scary Fairy Tales - full transcript
♪ Here we go ♪
[♪♪♪]
Okay, if I sink this,
I will finally beat
you at mini golf,
and mock you
for the rest of your life.
Ahh!
Piper!
These are new shoes!
[Jarvis]: Sorry, Piper.
Looks like I win again.
Glad your day's going well.
It's my birthday on Saturday,
and my parents won't
throw me a Sweet 15 party.
They say that's not a thing.
It's not a thing.
You're thinking
of a Sweet 16.
I can't wait
however many years it is
'til I turn 16
to have a party.
You could throw
your Sweet 15 party here!
-Really?
-Sure!
You can decorate the rooftop,
get food and a DJ.
Make it the sweetest
Sweet 15 party ever!
It's the only
Sweet 15 party ever.
Of course you're making
such a big deal
about Geneva's birthday.
I'd make just as big
a deal on your birthday.
My birthday was last week.
Surprise!
Well, your surprise party
wouldn't be much of a surprise
if it were on your birthday.
Happy birthday, Piper!
Piper!
You guys have got to come out
right when I yell "surprise!"
[♪♪♪]
♪ Buckle up ♪
♪ And hold on tight ♪
♪ You and me
on a wild ride ♪
♪ We're gonna own it
and change the game ♪
♪ Together we'll make it
all the way ♪
♪ Through all the ups
and all the downs, downs ♪
♪ We'll always find our way
around ♪
♪ So here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪
♪ Here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪
♪ Yeah, here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪
♪ You got me ♪
♪ I got you ♪
♪ Here we go ♪
Geneva, I hear
you're having a birthday party.
And you want to know
what to get me.
I made it easy for everyone.
Here's a list.
Wow.
Has anyone bought
any of these things yet?
No. That's your list.
Each person gets
their own list.
That's not even why I'm here.
I wanted to offer
my party planning services.
That's okay.
I think I have it
under control.
Besides, shouldn't
you be out shopping?
Your list isn't
getting any shorter.
In fact, it's
getting longer.
You think you don't need me?
Do you have a theme?
Of course I have a theme.
Who doesn't have a theme?
[disco music plays]
♪ Geneva ♪
♪ Geneva ♪
♪ She's as hot as a fevah ♪
♪ In her pretty clothes ♪
♪ With her perfect nose ♪
♪ She'll make you a believah ♪
♪ Genevaaaaaaa ♪
♪ Geneva ♪
♪ Genevaaaaaa ♪
♪ G, G, Geneva ♪
[Music ends with flourish]
I don't mean
a theme song.
I mean a theme
for your party.
The theme is praising me
and showering me
with expensive gifts.
Well, maybe we
should have a theme
that would be fun
for everyone.
Like... a fairytale theme.
Everyone can dress up.
You can be
a beautiful princess.
Ooh, I like that!
Which dwarf
are you going to go as?
[Growls]
Grumpy?
Good choice.
You wanted to see me?
You're welcome.
That's not
what I meant.
Although...
thank you.
I need you to update
the Melody Burger contracts.
Sorry, I have too many
other things to do.
Maybe you haven't heard,
but I have a theme.
I know.
[disco music plays]
♪ Geneva ♪
♪ Geneva ♪
♪ She's as hot as a fevah ♪
♪ In her pretty clothes ♪
♪ With her perfect nose ♪
♪ She'll make you a believah ♪
♪ Genevaaaaaaa ♪
♪ Geneva ♪
♪ Genevaaaaaa ♪
♪ G, G, Geneva ♪
[Audience applauds]
I mean for my party.
It's a fairytale theme.
And even with Aster's help,
there's so much to get ready
that I'm going to have to do
even less work around here
than usual.
Is that even possible?
We'll find out!
In fact, I need you
to do something for me.
What is it?
I just want you to deliver
the invitations
to people who work here.
Okay.
That doesn't sound too bad.
♪ Come one and come all ♪
♪ To a magical ball ♪
♪ Where Princess Geneva ♪
♪ Your presence does beg ♪
[Strums]
♪ She's five shy of twenty ♪
♪ Bring presents a-plenty ♪
♪ You'll gain your admittance
With this golden egg ♪
[Strums]
♪ We will dance
and we'll feast ♪
♪ 'Til the sun's in the east ♪
♪ On sweet cakes and honey ♪
♪ And on roast turkey leg ♪
[Strums]
Hey, Piper, that's
a nice pillow.
Can I see it?
[Loud thud]
I guess so.
[Ripping]
Thanks.
I needed a cap feather
for my costume
for Geneva's party.
You don't have another pillow
filled with caps, do you?
I'm going as the prince
from Sleeping Beauty.
I love that story.
You read it?
What are you talking about?
You can't read a movie.
Anyway, I love the ending
where the heroic prince
wakes up Sleeping Beauty
and the two of them live
happily ever after.
That's just how
the whitewashed
movie version ends.
In the original fairy tale,
the prince and Sleeping Beauty
have two kids together.
Oh, that's nice.
Only the prince was
married to someone else!
His wife goes ballistic
and kidnaps the kids
so she can cook them into a stew
and trick her husband
into eating his own children.
Finally...
Done delivering
all the invitations.
Wait a second...
There wasn't one for Bowie.
[Elevator dings]
[Bowie]: Hey, Jarvis!
I hear Geneva's
throwing a big party!
Is she?
I hope she gives out loot bags.
I could really use
a bag for my lute.
[Laughs awkwardly]
Well, it's been fun
making lute jokes with you,
but I have to run.
Wait!
Someone said you were
singing the invitations.
Where's mine?
Uh...
[Plays lute]
♪ Can't answer your query ♪
♪ For I'm in a hurry ♪
♪ I badly need to use
the little bard's room ♪
[Strums]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Okay, I have some
hors d'oeuvre ideas
for your fairytale party.
Three Little Pigs
in a Blanket...
Princess
and the Pea Soup...
Jack and the Bean Dip...
Hey, Geneva...
Jarvis, did you deliver
all the invitations?
I think so...
but I just wanted to make sure
there wasn't anyone else
you wanted to invite.
Nope.
Don't think so.
Are you sure
you didn't forget anyone?
I'm sure.
I gave you a golden egg
for everyone I wanted to invite.
Oh.
In that case, if it's okay,
I'm going to bring a guest.
No!
I don't want some
random guy at my party
that I didn't invite.
[Sighs]
Okay.
Thanks a lute.
[Laughs]
[Laughter dies off]
Why am I the only one
who likes these?
If you don't mind,
Aster and I are trying
to pick fairytale food.
That's right.
You still haven't tried
the frog legs.
Ew. Gross!
What does this have to do
with fairy tales?
Kiss it.
[Poof!]
See? A prince's leg!
Not gross anymore.
[♪♪♪]
Piper, where do you think
Geneva should go?
Um...
Let's see...
How about...
here?
[Thud, cars screeching]
[Car horns honk]
Okay,
I have a new costume idea
from a fairy tale
with a happy ending.
The heroic woodsman
from Little Red Riding Hood
who saved her and Grandma!
Not in the original version.
The wolf didn't scare
Grandma out of bed.
He killed her.
And when he dressed up as her,
he didn't wear her nightie.
He wore the old lady's skin.
What did he do
with the rest of her?
Put her
in the kitchen cabinets...
causing Little Red Riding Hood
to mistake her for food
and eat Grandma for brunch...
even though she was already
well past her best-before date.
Well, I'm going
to find a costume
from a nice fairy tale...
Even if it means
I have to read!
There you are, Jarvis!
Gah!
I've been looking for you.
I wanted my invitation
to Geneva's party.
I was thinking about it...
we don't really want to go
to that party, do we?
Why wouldn't we?
Parties are the worst!
All that food and music
and dancing and games
and interesting conversation
and girls and cake.
I'm sick
just thinking about it.
But I love food and music
and dancing and games
and interesting conversation
and girls and cake.
Besides,
Geneva will be really upset
if I'm a no-show.
I mean, we're pretty good
friends, right?
Uh...
Right. Of course.
So where's my invitation?
Invitation?
Yeah.
Sing it to me.
I would, but I lost my lute.
And I can't buy a new one.
The lute store got looted.
Okay, then,
just give me my golden egg.
You have one for me, right?
Actually, no...
because, like you said,
you're such good friends
with Geneva,
you don't need one to know
that you're invited.
That's weird.
Everyone got an egg.
That's not true.
[Mmm-boing bounces up]
Hey, Knox.
Enjoying the book?
I can't find one story
with a happy ending.
That's because
there aren't any.
Those are the real stories
with their true endings.
But they're all so...
evil!
Yeah.
I like that book too.
Hey, Jarvis.
So, you going
to Geneva's party?
I guess I am.
Who you going with?
I mean, who
you going as?
You're obviously not
going with anyone.
You're not going
with anyone, right?
You mean like a friend
that I'm not supposed to bring
that I'm totally not bringing?
No...
Anyway, I thought you wanted
to know about my costume.
I'm going as Prince Charming
from Snow White.
I love the way that story ends
with the Prince
and Snow White kissing.
Yup! That's how it ends!
That's the one true ending!
Anyway, got to work
on my costume!
Whoa!
[♪♪♪]
Okay, I've figured out my
costume for Geneva's party.
I'm going to go as
the mirror, mirror on the wall
so everyone looks at me!
Especially Geneva.
She loves mirrors!
I have a better idea.
What if you went as...
the Emperor's new clothes?
You mean show up naked?
No. Not the Emperor.
His clothes.
But his clothes
were invisible.
Exactly.
How do I look like
invisible clothes?
By not showing up.
Greatest costume ever!
I don't think so.
I want something
people will notice.
Okay, but a good costume,
by its very definition,
would be one where
you can't even tell it's you.
Like...
Cinderella.
-Cinderella?
-Yeah.
Fancy dress, glass
slippers, wig, makeup.
Lots and lots of makeup.
I don't have
anything like that.
[Mice squeak]
Stupid mice won't sew.
I guess we'll just
buy you a dress.
[Party music]
Hey!
One leg each!
We've got to make
this food last!
[Speaks gibberish
Meeskatanian]
Dwarf!
I'm Pinocchio!
I don't even look like a dwarf!
That's good.
Keep tiptoeing.
Very stealthy.
I'm not doing it
to be stealthy.
I'm wearing glass slippers.
I'm afraid if
I step too hard,
they'll shatter and
slice off my pinkie toe.
Oh no!
Piper's dead!
Well, we can't let it
ruin Geneva's party.
I'm not dead, Knox!
Well, that still might ruin
Geneva's party.
I'm Snow White,
poisoned by an apple.
So you're just
gonna lie there
and not speak for
the entire night?
Wow.
Maybe you won't ruin
Geneva's party.
Who are you supposed to be?
I found the one character
in all the fairy tales
who does nothing bad
and has nothing bad
happen to him.
From Jack and
the Beanstalk!
Well, you're too short
to be the giant,
and you're too tall
to be Jack...
I'm neither one
of those creeps.
I'm the hero
of the story...
The bean merchant!
How is he the hero?
He tricked Jack into trading
his cow for magic beans.
No!
He did not trick him!
People always think that,
but he said they
were magic beans,
and they were magic beans.
He was an honest,
hard-working businessman
who accurately represented
his product,
made more than a fair trade,
and then, I assume,
went home to his family
for a nice dinner...
made from cow.
Not children.
Not skinless grandmothers.
Cow.
Happy birthday, Geneva!
It's so nice to
celebrate with you
and only the people
you invited.
Who is that?
Uh...
that's Cinderella.
And that's the Mad Hatter...
Rapunzel...
and a dwarf.
He's not talking about me.
This is a Pinocchio costume!
I mean, who is that
dressed as Cinderella?
I'm going to go find out.
You can't now!
It's time for...
the entertainment!
What entertainment?
Uh...
Jarvis and I are
going to recreate
the emotional last scene
of Snow White.
Right.
We can do that.
'Tis the beautiful
Snow White!
But alas, she has been poisoned
by an apple.
Perhaps I can wake her
with a kiss.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Whoa.
Piper hates those fake,
happy versions of fairy tales.
In the real story,
the prince never kisses her.
He doesn't?
[falsetto] He could.
No.
Then how does the story end?
The prince was so taken
by Snow White
that he begged the dwarves
to let him have her body.
Okay, that's a little creepy.
[falsetto] Maybe you should go
back to the kiss thing.
Anyway, the dwarves refused,
but the prince begged
and begged.
Eventually the dwarves agreed.
I said...
the dwarves agreed.
I'm not...
[Sighs]
I agree.
So the prince's servants
lifted the coffin
and carried Snow White away.
[falsetto]
But maybe before...
Only... one of the
servants stumbled!
[Gasping]
[Knox]: And they
dropped the coffin!
[Piper]: Ow...
But miraculously,
the fall dislodged
the piece of apple
from Snow White's throat,
and she came to.
Ugh...
And then they kissed?
I didn't finish
reading the story,
but I can assume
that Prince Charming
did not want to kiss a girl
with a mouth full
of apple vomit.
[Coughs]
And they lived
separately ever after.
[Applause]
Wow.
You got some applause.
I can still hear it.
[Applause]
Actually, they're
applauding for her.
Who is that?
I don't think she was invited.
I'm going to go kick her out.
Uh-oh.
Hey!
Oops!
You stay here.
I'll go get you
some detangler!
[Grunts]
Stupid kids...
Always in my hair!
Bowie! We need to
get you out of here!
Why?
Uh... it's
almost midnight.
[Gasps]
It's four hours
past my bedtime?
What happened
to Cinderella?
I didn't read that one,
but I assume
she fell down the stairs,
broke her teeth,
and then choked on them.
Either way, she's gone,
and we'll never know
who she was.
Not necessarily.
She lost a shoe.
I'll search
for whoever fits this shoe.
T-That's my shoe.
[Aster]: Ow.
It's yours?
It doesn't look
like it'll fit you.
Oh. It'll fit.
See? It's too small.
No, it's not.
[Creaking sound]
There. See?
[Cracking sound]
Ow!
My pinkie toe!
Has anyone seen my...
[Gasps]
You broke my grandmother's
glass slipper!
Now she'll have
nothing to wear
with her glass bathrobe!
Bowie, I didn't...
Want you here...
At her party.
I was going to say
I didn't get a chance
to thank you for coming.
Or give you your loot bag.
Why do you have that?
Bowie wasn't invited.
What are you
talking about?
Of course he was invited.
But there was no golden egg
for him.
There should have been.
I put one in the basket.
♪ We will dance
and we'll feast ♪
♪ 'Til the sun's in the east ♪
♪ On sweet cakes and honey ♪
♪ And on roast turkey leg ♪
[Strums]
[Cheeps]
Of course
I invited Bowie.
Why would you
think I didn't?
Because he's weird
and people don't like
hanging out with him.
Is that what you think of me?
No, not me.
I love hanging out with you.
I mean, not right now.
This is a little awkward.
I just mean that other people
feel that way about you.
What are you
talking about?
We love Bowie.
Bowie's awesome!
[Chorus of agreement]
Yeah, Bowie's awesome!
How could you say
those things about Bowie?
I can't believe
I invited you.
Well, you won't be invited
to my Sweet-Whatever-
Comes-After-15 party.
Let's get him!
Uh-oh.
Ow!
[Cracking]
[Cheeping]
Oh... This is actually
kind of adorable.
Ow!
Stop it!
Ow! Ow!
My eye!
Aah!
Now, that's
a fairytale ending.
[Whimsical music]
[Announcer]:
Fairy tales,
beloved by children
for hundreds of years.
Well, not anymore!
For the first time,
every fairy tale
the way they were meant
to be told.
There's murder...
disease...
ferocious animals...
an unflattering
"About the Author" picture...
This terrifying collection
has it all!
Very Scary Fairy Tales.
From Knickknack Books.
Not recommended for children.
I'm P. Everett Knickknack!
The "P" stands for...
Poison?
Hee hee...
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Okay, if I sink this,
I will finally beat
you at mini golf,
and mock you
for the rest of your life.
Ahh!
Piper!
These are new shoes!
[Jarvis]: Sorry, Piper.
Looks like I win again.
Glad your day's going well.
It's my birthday on Saturday,
and my parents won't
throw me a Sweet 15 party.
They say that's not a thing.
It's not a thing.
You're thinking
of a Sweet 16.
I can't wait
however many years it is
'til I turn 16
to have a party.
You could throw
your Sweet 15 party here!
-Really?
-Sure!
You can decorate the rooftop,
get food and a DJ.
Make it the sweetest
Sweet 15 party ever!
It's the only
Sweet 15 party ever.
Of course you're making
such a big deal
about Geneva's birthday.
I'd make just as big
a deal on your birthday.
My birthday was last week.
Surprise!
Well, your surprise party
wouldn't be much of a surprise
if it were on your birthday.
Happy birthday, Piper!
Piper!
You guys have got to come out
right when I yell "surprise!"
[♪♪♪]
♪ Buckle up ♪
♪ And hold on tight ♪
♪ You and me
on a wild ride ♪
♪ We're gonna own it
and change the game ♪
♪ Together we'll make it
all the way ♪
♪ Through all the ups
and all the downs, downs ♪
♪ We'll always find our way
around ♪
♪ So here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪
♪ Here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪
♪ Yeah, here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪
♪ You got me ♪
♪ I got you ♪
♪ Here we go ♪
Geneva, I hear
you're having a birthday party.
And you want to know
what to get me.
I made it easy for everyone.
Here's a list.
Wow.
Has anyone bought
any of these things yet?
No. That's your list.
Each person gets
their own list.
That's not even why I'm here.
I wanted to offer
my party planning services.
That's okay.
I think I have it
under control.
Besides, shouldn't
you be out shopping?
Your list isn't
getting any shorter.
In fact, it's
getting longer.
You think you don't need me?
Do you have a theme?
Of course I have a theme.
Who doesn't have a theme?
[disco music plays]
♪ Geneva ♪
♪ Geneva ♪
♪ She's as hot as a fevah ♪
♪ In her pretty clothes ♪
♪ With her perfect nose ♪
♪ She'll make you a believah ♪
♪ Genevaaaaaaa ♪
♪ Geneva ♪
♪ Genevaaaaaa ♪
♪ G, G, Geneva ♪
[Music ends with flourish]
I don't mean
a theme song.
I mean a theme
for your party.
The theme is praising me
and showering me
with expensive gifts.
Well, maybe we
should have a theme
that would be fun
for everyone.
Like... a fairytale theme.
Everyone can dress up.
You can be
a beautiful princess.
Ooh, I like that!
Which dwarf
are you going to go as?
[Growls]
Grumpy?
Good choice.
You wanted to see me?
You're welcome.
That's not
what I meant.
Although...
thank you.
I need you to update
the Melody Burger contracts.
Sorry, I have too many
other things to do.
Maybe you haven't heard,
but I have a theme.
I know.
[disco music plays]
♪ Geneva ♪
♪ Geneva ♪
♪ She's as hot as a fevah ♪
♪ In her pretty clothes ♪
♪ With her perfect nose ♪
♪ She'll make you a believah ♪
♪ Genevaaaaaaa ♪
♪ Geneva ♪
♪ Genevaaaaaa ♪
♪ G, G, Geneva ♪
[Audience applauds]
I mean for my party.
It's a fairytale theme.
And even with Aster's help,
there's so much to get ready
that I'm going to have to do
even less work around here
than usual.
Is that even possible?
We'll find out!
In fact, I need you
to do something for me.
What is it?
I just want you to deliver
the invitations
to people who work here.
Okay.
That doesn't sound too bad.
♪ Come one and come all ♪
♪ To a magical ball ♪
♪ Where Princess Geneva ♪
♪ Your presence does beg ♪
[Strums]
♪ She's five shy of twenty ♪
♪ Bring presents a-plenty ♪
♪ You'll gain your admittance
With this golden egg ♪
[Strums]
♪ We will dance
and we'll feast ♪
♪ 'Til the sun's in the east ♪
♪ On sweet cakes and honey ♪
♪ And on roast turkey leg ♪
[Strums]
Hey, Piper, that's
a nice pillow.
Can I see it?
[Loud thud]
I guess so.
[Ripping]
Thanks.
I needed a cap feather
for my costume
for Geneva's party.
You don't have another pillow
filled with caps, do you?
I'm going as the prince
from Sleeping Beauty.
I love that story.
You read it?
What are you talking about?
You can't read a movie.
Anyway, I love the ending
where the heroic prince
wakes up Sleeping Beauty
and the two of them live
happily ever after.
That's just how
the whitewashed
movie version ends.
In the original fairy tale,
the prince and Sleeping Beauty
have two kids together.
Oh, that's nice.
Only the prince was
married to someone else!
His wife goes ballistic
and kidnaps the kids
so she can cook them into a stew
and trick her husband
into eating his own children.
Finally...
Done delivering
all the invitations.
Wait a second...
There wasn't one for Bowie.
[Elevator dings]
[Bowie]: Hey, Jarvis!
I hear Geneva's
throwing a big party!
Is she?
I hope she gives out loot bags.
I could really use
a bag for my lute.
[Laughs awkwardly]
Well, it's been fun
making lute jokes with you,
but I have to run.
Wait!
Someone said you were
singing the invitations.
Where's mine?
Uh...
[Plays lute]
♪ Can't answer your query ♪
♪ For I'm in a hurry ♪
♪ I badly need to use
the little bard's room ♪
[Strums]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Okay, I have some
hors d'oeuvre ideas
for your fairytale party.
Three Little Pigs
in a Blanket...
Princess
and the Pea Soup...
Jack and the Bean Dip...
Hey, Geneva...
Jarvis, did you deliver
all the invitations?
I think so...
but I just wanted to make sure
there wasn't anyone else
you wanted to invite.
Nope.
Don't think so.
Are you sure
you didn't forget anyone?
I'm sure.
I gave you a golden egg
for everyone I wanted to invite.
Oh.
In that case, if it's okay,
I'm going to bring a guest.
No!
I don't want some
random guy at my party
that I didn't invite.
[Sighs]
Okay.
Thanks a lute.
[Laughs]
[Laughter dies off]
Why am I the only one
who likes these?
If you don't mind,
Aster and I are trying
to pick fairytale food.
That's right.
You still haven't tried
the frog legs.
Ew. Gross!
What does this have to do
with fairy tales?
Kiss it.
[Poof!]
See? A prince's leg!
Not gross anymore.
[♪♪♪]
Piper, where do you think
Geneva should go?
Um...
Let's see...
How about...
here?
[Thud, cars screeching]
[Car horns honk]
Okay,
I have a new costume idea
from a fairy tale
with a happy ending.
The heroic woodsman
from Little Red Riding Hood
who saved her and Grandma!
Not in the original version.
The wolf didn't scare
Grandma out of bed.
He killed her.
And when he dressed up as her,
he didn't wear her nightie.
He wore the old lady's skin.
What did he do
with the rest of her?
Put her
in the kitchen cabinets...
causing Little Red Riding Hood
to mistake her for food
and eat Grandma for brunch...
even though she was already
well past her best-before date.
Well, I'm going
to find a costume
from a nice fairy tale...
Even if it means
I have to read!
There you are, Jarvis!
Gah!
I've been looking for you.
I wanted my invitation
to Geneva's party.
I was thinking about it...
we don't really want to go
to that party, do we?
Why wouldn't we?
Parties are the worst!
All that food and music
and dancing and games
and interesting conversation
and girls and cake.
I'm sick
just thinking about it.
But I love food and music
and dancing and games
and interesting conversation
and girls and cake.
Besides,
Geneva will be really upset
if I'm a no-show.
I mean, we're pretty good
friends, right?
Uh...
Right. Of course.
So where's my invitation?
Invitation?
Yeah.
Sing it to me.
I would, but I lost my lute.
And I can't buy a new one.
The lute store got looted.
Okay, then,
just give me my golden egg.
You have one for me, right?
Actually, no...
because, like you said,
you're such good friends
with Geneva,
you don't need one to know
that you're invited.
That's weird.
Everyone got an egg.
That's not true.
[Mmm-boing bounces up]
Hey, Knox.
Enjoying the book?
I can't find one story
with a happy ending.
That's because
there aren't any.
Those are the real stories
with their true endings.
But they're all so...
evil!
Yeah.
I like that book too.
Hey, Jarvis.
So, you going
to Geneva's party?
I guess I am.
Who you going with?
I mean, who
you going as?
You're obviously not
going with anyone.
You're not going
with anyone, right?
You mean like a friend
that I'm not supposed to bring
that I'm totally not bringing?
No...
Anyway, I thought you wanted
to know about my costume.
I'm going as Prince Charming
from Snow White.
I love the way that story ends
with the Prince
and Snow White kissing.
Yup! That's how it ends!
That's the one true ending!
Anyway, got to work
on my costume!
Whoa!
[♪♪♪]
Okay, I've figured out my
costume for Geneva's party.
I'm going to go as
the mirror, mirror on the wall
so everyone looks at me!
Especially Geneva.
She loves mirrors!
I have a better idea.
What if you went as...
the Emperor's new clothes?
You mean show up naked?
No. Not the Emperor.
His clothes.
But his clothes
were invisible.
Exactly.
How do I look like
invisible clothes?
By not showing up.
Greatest costume ever!
I don't think so.
I want something
people will notice.
Okay, but a good costume,
by its very definition,
would be one where
you can't even tell it's you.
Like...
Cinderella.
-Cinderella?
-Yeah.
Fancy dress, glass
slippers, wig, makeup.
Lots and lots of makeup.
I don't have
anything like that.
[Mice squeak]
Stupid mice won't sew.
I guess we'll just
buy you a dress.
[Party music]
Hey!
One leg each!
We've got to make
this food last!
[Speaks gibberish
Meeskatanian]
Dwarf!
I'm Pinocchio!
I don't even look like a dwarf!
That's good.
Keep tiptoeing.
Very stealthy.
I'm not doing it
to be stealthy.
I'm wearing glass slippers.
I'm afraid if
I step too hard,
they'll shatter and
slice off my pinkie toe.
Oh no!
Piper's dead!
Well, we can't let it
ruin Geneva's party.
I'm not dead, Knox!
Well, that still might ruin
Geneva's party.
I'm Snow White,
poisoned by an apple.
So you're just
gonna lie there
and not speak for
the entire night?
Wow.
Maybe you won't ruin
Geneva's party.
Who are you supposed to be?
I found the one character
in all the fairy tales
who does nothing bad
and has nothing bad
happen to him.
From Jack and
the Beanstalk!
Well, you're too short
to be the giant,
and you're too tall
to be Jack...
I'm neither one
of those creeps.
I'm the hero
of the story...
The bean merchant!
How is he the hero?
He tricked Jack into trading
his cow for magic beans.
No!
He did not trick him!
People always think that,
but he said they
were magic beans,
and they were magic beans.
He was an honest,
hard-working businessman
who accurately represented
his product,
made more than a fair trade,
and then, I assume,
went home to his family
for a nice dinner...
made from cow.
Not children.
Not skinless grandmothers.
Cow.
Happy birthday, Geneva!
It's so nice to
celebrate with you
and only the people
you invited.
Who is that?
Uh...
that's Cinderella.
And that's the Mad Hatter...
Rapunzel...
and a dwarf.
He's not talking about me.
This is a Pinocchio costume!
I mean, who is that
dressed as Cinderella?
I'm going to go find out.
You can't now!
It's time for...
the entertainment!
What entertainment?
Uh...
Jarvis and I are
going to recreate
the emotional last scene
of Snow White.
Right.
We can do that.
'Tis the beautiful
Snow White!
But alas, she has been poisoned
by an apple.
Perhaps I can wake her
with a kiss.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Whoa.
Piper hates those fake,
happy versions of fairy tales.
In the real story,
the prince never kisses her.
He doesn't?
[falsetto] He could.
No.
Then how does the story end?
The prince was so taken
by Snow White
that he begged the dwarves
to let him have her body.
Okay, that's a little creepy.
[falsetto] Maybe you should go
back to the kiss thing.
Anyway, the dwarves refused,
but the prince begged
and begged.
Eventually the dwarves agreed.
I said...
the dwarves agreed.
I'm not...
[Sighs]
I agree.
So the prince's servants
lifted the coffin
and carried Snow White away.
[falsetto]
But maybe before...
Only... one of the
servants stumbled!
[Gasping]
[Knox]: And they
dropped the coffin!
[Piper]: Ow...
But miraculously,
the fall dislodged
the piece of apple
from Snow White's throat,
and she came to.
Ugh...
And then they kissed?
I didn't finish
reading the story,
but I can assume
that Prince Charming
did not want to kiss a girl
with a mouth full
of apple vomit.
[Coughs]
And they lived
separately ever after.
[Applause]
Wow.
You got some applause.
I can still hear it.
[Applause]
Actually, they're
applauding for her.
Who is that?
I don't think she was invited.
I'm going to go kick her out.
Uh-oh.
Hey!
Oops!
You stay here.
I'll go get you
some detangler!
[Grunts]
Stupid kids...
Always in my hair!
Bowie! We need to
get you out of here!
Why?
Uh... it's
almost midnight.
[Gasps]
It's four hours
past my bedtime?
What happened
to Cinderella?
I didn't read that one,
but I assume
she fell down the stairs,
broke her teeth,
and then choked on them.
Either way, she's gone,
and we'll never know
who she was.
Not necessarily.
She lost a shoe.
I'll search
for whoever fits this shoe.
T-That's my shoe.
[Aster]: Ow.
It's yours?
It doesn't look
like it'll fit you.
Oh. It'll fit.
See? It's too small.
No, it's not.
[Creaking sound]
There. See?
[Cracking sound]
Ow!
My pinkie toe!
Has anyone seen my...
[Gasps]
You broke my grandmother's
glass slipper!
Now she'll have
nothing to wear
with her glass bathrobe!
Bowie, I didn't...
Want you here...
At her party.
I was going to say
I didn't get a chance
to thank you for coming.
Or give you your loot bag.
Why do you have that?
Bowie wasn't invited.
What are you
talking about?
Of course he was invited.
But there was no golden egg
for him.
There should have been.
I put one in the basket.
♪ We will dance
and we'll feast ♪
♪ 'Til the sun's in the east ♪
♪ On sweet cakes and honey ♪
♪ And on roast turkey leg ♪
[Strums]
[Cheeps]
Of course
I invited Bowie.
Why would you
think I didn't?
Because he's weird
and people don't like
hanging out with him.
Is that what you think of me?
No, not me.
I love hanging out with you.
I mean, not right now.
This is a little awkward.
I just mean that other people
feel that way about you.
What are you
talking about?
We love Bowie.
Bowie's awesome!
[Chorus of agreement]
Yeah, Bowie's awesome!
How could you say
those things about Bowie?
I can't believe
I invited you.
Well, you won't be invited
to my Sweet-Whatever-
Comes-After-15 party.
Let's get him!
Uh-oh.
Ow!
[Cracking]
[Cheeping]
Oh... This is actually
kind of adorable.
Ow!
Stop it!
Ow! Ow!
My eye!
Aah!
Now, that's
a fairytale ending.
[Whimsical music]
[Announcer]:
Fairy tales,
beloved by children
for hundreds of years.
Well, not anymore!
For the first time,
every fairy tale
the way they were meant
to be told.
There's murder...
disease...
ferocious animals...
an unflattering
"About the Author" picture...
This terrifying collection
has it all!
Very Scary Fairy Tales.
From Knickknack Books.
Not recommended for children.
I'm P. Everett Knickknack!
The "P" stands for...
Poison?
Hee hee...
[♪♪♪]