Some Assembly Required (2014–2016): Season 1, Episode 17 - Sidekick - full transcript

[♪♪♪]

Bowie, this
came for you.

Wait, you're actually
delivering mail?

I had no choice.

Yay! It's here!

It's here!

What's in that envelope?

Nothing.

I ordered this envelope online.

Aster, you've got mail.

It's the clothes I ordered!



This is the latest
in fashion technology.

All you do is add water, and...

[squirt]

Voila! Pants!

Wet pants.

No problem, I'll just
throw them in the dryer.

Won't that
make them tiny again?

Huh.

No wonder they were on sale.

Here you go.

My Captain Indestructible
action figure!

You already
have that one.

No, I don't.

This Captain Indestructible
has girl feet.



They only made
a hundred of them

before they realized
their mistake.

It's a collector's item!

So you run a toy company
to make money

so you can buy toys
from other toy companies?

Well, yes.

But only because we don't have
anything like this.

Maybe we should.

Superheroes are really popular.

If we created our own,

we'd be able to sell
an entire line of new toys!

Mostly to you.

"Get someone else
to stop that meteor

from hurtling toward Earth!

I'm late for my mani-pedi!"

[♪♪♪]

♪ Buckle up and hold on tight ♪

♪ You and me on a wild ride ♪

♪ We're gonna own it
and change the game ♪

♪ Together we'll make it
all the way ♪

♪ Through all the ups
and all the downs, downs ♪

♪ We'll always find
our way around ♪

♪ So here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪

♪ Here we go
Whoa-oa-oh ♪

♪ Yeah, here we go
Whoa-oa-oh ♪

♪ You got me ♪

♪ I got you ♪

♪ Here we go! ♪

[♪♪♪]

All right, guys.

Piper and I were talking,

and we decided that Knickknack
needs a superhero!

Why? Is there a meteor
hurtling toward us?

I just want to tell you

this has been the
greatest time of my life.

Well, there was this one time
I went to the circus.

That was pretty fun.

There were clowns.

And no meteor
hurtling toward us.

I meant we should create
a superhero to sell as a toy.

Let's put our heads together.

Not what you meant?

Okay, I have
an awesome superhero idea

you guys
are going to love.

Prepare to be blown away!

Okay, but this wind
better not ruin my hair.

[♪♪♪]

[Piper]: One day,

Patty Paterson
was with her class

on a field trip to the zoo...

Wasn't that snail
exhibit fun, class?

Action packed.

The zoo is so lame.

These creatures
are breathtaking and exotic.

Where else can you see
a house cat

and also another house cat?

A house?

What happened to all
the interesting animals?

They've got to be
around here somewhere.

"Rad, active animals?"

Cool!

[bouncing and sproinging]

[thuds against tent]

[bouncing away]

Well, I guess you animals
are rad,

but I wouldn't say
you're active...

[snarling, thuds blow]

Ow!

[commotion]

[Piper]: Patty was bitten

by every radioactive animal
in the tent.

When they were through
biting her,

she was transformed into...

Zooper Girl!

She now had the powers

of every animal in the world.

She could kick like a mule.

Remember like an elephant...

Play dead like a possum...

Chew logs like a beaver...

Mimic like a parrot...

Mimic like a parrot.

Stink like a skunk...

Sniff out criminals
like a bloodhound...

I really should have waited

for that skunk smell
to clear out.

[sniffing]

[boy sobbing loudly]

My doggy-cat-zebra-lion-
alligator-squirrel-

walrus-gazelle senses
are tingling!

What seems to be
the problem?

[sobbing]: There's...

[sniffling] No...

More...

Animals...

In the...

Zoo!

[Piper]: It turns out
all the zoo animals

had been turned into
stuffed animals

by a sinister villain...

Genevil!

[laughs wickedly] Ha, ha, ha!

Ha, ha, ha!

This looks like a job for...

Zooper Girl!

And her
trusty sidekick,

The Zookeeper!

I make it my business
to clean up her business.

Zooper Girl doesn't
have a sidekick.

Are you sure?

Maybe a part-time sidekick?

Just on weekends?

Tell you what,

just this once,

you can clean up
what I left behind the tent.

Yes!

[The Zookeeper]: Whoa!

I see memory
isn't the only trait

you got from the elephant!

[Piper]:
It seems the evil Genevil

had been using a powerful ray

to turn real animals
into stuffed animals.

[ray zaps]

[whimpers]

[whoosh!]

Stop right there,
Genevil!

Zooper Girl?

How'd you find me?

With my bat-like hearing,
my hound-like sense of smell,

and my zebra-like intuition.

People don't know this,
but zebras are very intuitive.

You'll never stop me!

[monkey chitters]

[ray zaps]

And I'm not "monkeying" around.

You're forgetting that I have
the breath of a dung beetle.

[exhaling]

Ew! Gross!

You animal!

Wait, you are part animal,

which means
this should work on you.

Enjoy your plush lifestyle!

Uh-oh.

[rays zapping]

Ha, ha, ha!

I got you, Zooper Girl!

Or did I get you?

What?

But how?

I used my cheetah-like speed

and my weasel-like sneakiness

to dodge your laser blast
and creep up behind you.

What you're holding there
is just a Zooper Girl toy,

which happens to be
super popular.

[Piper]: Zooper Girl
had Genevil cornered...

You're too late!

I stuffed the animals.

All of them!

But they're still animals
on the inside!

And they'll listen to me!

Moo!

Roar!

Caw caw!

Baa!

Meow!

Ribbit!

Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!

Caw! Caw!

[trumpeting]

Grr!

[chewing and nibbling]

What does the fox say?

Help! Help!

I'm being smothered
in cuteness!

That's what happens
when you mess with...

Zooper Girl!

And her trusty...

No.

So, Jarvis, should I go ahead

and start working on the design
for Zooper Girl?

Please.

I have a way better
superhero idea

than some girl
with the kick of a mule,

the memory of an elephant,

and the feet of a vulture.

I never said she had
the feet of a vulture.

I've seen you
at the beach.

She had the feet
of a vulture.

I want to hear more about
that Genevil character.

What a great role model.

My superhero
works with people

way more important
than role models.

He works with runway models.

[Aster]: Steven Styles

was a simple, mild-mannered,
fashion designer.

He was so talented
he could improve anyone's look.

One night,

Steven Styles
was getting dressed

to go to a fashion show
featuring his designs,

when all of a sudden,
the lights went out!

I said...

the lights went out!

Oh no!

I can't be late
for my own fashion show!

I'm just going to have
to get dressed in the dark.

[Aster]: But when the lights
came back on,

Styles realized something
terrible had happened!

He was wearing
a mismatched outfit!

I'm hideous!

No!

No!

[echoing] No!

[Aster]: The mismatched
colours and fabrics

created a volatile
chemical reaction.

Steven Styles felt different.

Better.

He had become...

Super Chic!

He discovered
he had newfound abilities.

He could sew at super speed.

He could make
the sloppiest dresser look tidy

with a single glare,

thanks to his neat vision.

[twinkling]

And he looked good in boots.

That may not sound like
a superpower,

but trust me,

not everyone
looks good in boots.

Super Chic was saving
the world from drabness

one gorgeous outfit at a time!

His designs were on
fashion magazines

under headlines like,

"Super Chic Saves the World
from Drabness

One Gorgeous Outfit at a Time!"

He was riding high.

Until one day,

clothing everywhere
started to disappear.

[crowd gasps]

[gasping in shock]

What Styles didn't realize was,

when he became Super Chic,

he wasn't
the only one transformed.

In the courtyard
below his studio,

a girl in depressing clothing
sat alone, filing her toenails.

[sander rasping]

When suddenly,
a moth flew past.

What are you looking at?

[Aster]: Somehow,

the moth and the pathetic loner

became one.

And so was born
Super Chic's arch enemy,

Goth Moth!

Now to devour
all the bright, beautiful,

non-depressing clothes
in the world.

[Aster]: Goth Moth
was at the fashion show

feeding her intense desire

to make the world
as drab as she was...

[crowd screaming]

And her equally intense desire
to eat fabric.

This is a job for...

Super Chick!

Ooh, I can't wait to meet her.

I bet she's really hot.

Actually, it's pronounced
super "sh eek ."

Try it again.

I don't want to introduce
some dude.

I thought you were a girl.

Fine, I'll do it myself.

This is a job for Super Chic!

Did someone call Super Chic?

And the perfect
accessory,

his sidekick,
Silkworm!

I don't need a sidekick.

Come on!

You're telling me

that a fashion designer
superhero

can't use a sidekick
that makes fabric?

[retching violently]

No, I can just order fabric.

With a higher thread count.

And less... icky stuff on it.

[someone screams in terror]

You can scream till
you're blue in the face!

It'll just match
that delicious gown.

I'm going to eat every
last stitch of it.

[Aster]: Luckily,

just before Goth Moth could eat
the beautiful model's clothes,

Super Chic arrived
to save the day!

Are you sure he arrived
before her dress was eaten

and not a little bit after?

I'm sure.

Super Chic may be fashionable,

but he's never fashionably late.

Give it up, Goth Moth!

I'm black pants,
and you're brown shoes!

Huh?

You're no match for me?

[Aster]: Super Chic
snapped into action,

and began sewing.

If you're hungry,
why don't you eat this?

It's freshly made.

[munching and chewing]

Ugh!

Could you at least chew
with your mandible closed?

[groans]

I don't feel so well.

That's because the outfit
I fed you was in...

bad taste.

[groans]

[Aster]: Super Chic
had saved the day,

and the beautiful model's
modesty!

[Jarvis]: Seriously?

Well, I want to
thank you all

for your input.

Those superhero ideas
were certainly...

time consuming.

You guys just
don't understand

what makes
a great superhero.

Or how to give a story
a satisfying ending.

You think you have
a better superhero idea?

Yes.

We've been thinking
about a superhero

that could become
an action figure,

but what about
an action figure

that could become
a superhero?

Our story begins with
a Toymaker who loved toys.

He would spend hours
handcrafting them with love.

One day, he put the final
touches on his latest toy,

an action figure.

Now all he needs is a name.

Captain... Captain?

Hmm...

Super... Hero?

Kung Fu Gary?

Maybe I'll sleep on it.

[Jarvis]:
But when the Toymaker left,

he accidentally knocked a box
of batteries into the toybox.

[slam]

[clattering]

[fizzing and crackling]

When the action figure
was covered in battery acid,

it was transformed
into a real, live superhero.

Toy Boy!

Who could harness
the power of toys!

Like the yo-yo...

The velcro toss and catch...

And pick-up sticks.

He was the world's
most powerful toy!

And every toy needs
an instruction manual!

Which is why I'm
your trusty sidekick,

Instruction Man!

...ual.

I don't need a sidekick.

Or instructions.

[Jarvis]: The next day,

the Toymaker
discovered Toy Boy,

and the two of them had
a great time playing together.

There was only one problem...

[telephone rings]

Oh, just one second.

Yello!

[Jarvis]:
...Toy Boy was only alive

when people played with him.

Then, one night,

after Toy Boy
had been put away,

the most vile, evil,
hideous, ugliest,

meanest creature
you could imagine showed up.

It went by the name...

Candace!

This homely creature
hated fun,

and was on a mission to destroy
every toy in the world,

while at the same time
getting rich.

[laughs wickedly]

Imagine the Grinch, Scrooge,
and Voldemort,

all rolled into one!

Except ugly.

Not sure I mentioned that.

This revolting shrew
had figured out a way

to turn the plastic in toys
back into oil.

Ah, beautiful, beautiful oil!

And you'll never
be able to stop me!

You monster!

You tied me to the least
comfortable chair I own.

At least you could have given me
a lumbar pillow.

I need Toy Boy's help.

Did you move?

No.

Well, you would know.

What are you doing?

Just...
playing with a toy!

It's play time!

Get her, Toy Boy!

[paddle balls smacking]

Ugh! Ow!

That's irritating!
Stop it!

[laughing]

[hammers squeaking]

Oh, that's even
more annoying.

Go back to the other thing.

[clicking and snapping]

[shrieking]

Ugh, stop it!

This isn't a play fight!

It's not?

So we're not playing?

Uh-oh.

[cackles wickedly]

So much for your Boy Toy.

That's "Toy Boy."

Let's make sure
we get that right.

Why are you doing this?

Because

I never had any toys as a kid,

so nobody played with me.

That's why I hate toys!

And people.

But playing
with toys is fun!

Come on, just try.

I wouldn't know
where to start.

There aren't even
any instructions.

Oh, yes, there are!

You don't need
instructions.

Just have fun.

Okay, how's this?

"Oh no, I'm going to get
turned into oil!"

[mock sobbing]

[Jarvis]:
It may have been evil,

but it was still playing.

[yelps]

This has done nothing
but reinforce my hatred of toys!

And people!

[Jarvis]:
Toy Boy had saved the day,

and they went back to playing.

How is harnessing
the power of toys

better than
the power of animals?

Never mind that the bad guys

would have to actually
play with the action figure

in order for Toy Boy to show up.

If he had a sidekick,

there'd always be someone
around to play with him.

Which was the one
where I was a model?

I liked that one.

Maybe Bowie's
onto something.

You're going to give
Toy Boy a sidekick?

No.

I'm saying we should
create a superhero

named "Sidekick!"

A superhero with
a powerful kick...

to the side.

Can I be Sidekick's sidekick?

No.

Sidekick works alone.

[laughing wickedly]

[Announcer]: Oh no!

A crime's been committed,

and the bad guy's getting away!

Looks like this is a job for...

Sidekick!

Not so fast, bad guy!

You'll have to
get past Sidekick.

Bad guy, would you mind
standing beside me?

I would mind!

Darn it.

Sidekick!

From Knickknack!

I'm P. Everett Knickknack.

The "P" stands for...

"Pow!"

[♪♪♪]