Some Assembly Required (2014–2016): Season 1, Episode 15 - Flyrates - full transcript

♪ Here we go ♪

Hey, guys!

You know how Knickknack's
hosting GameCon...

[Yelling] the ultimate
video game convention...

later this month?

Nooooo!

You don't? I sent
out an email about it.

I mean... Nooooo!
You put your butt on my desk!

[Spraying]

Your butt
should not touch my desk.

In fact,



here's a list of things
your butt should not touch.

Let me see that.

That's fine.
The list is not on the list.

So where can I sit?

I'll get you a seat.

There.

Anyway, as I was saying,
we're hosting GameCon,

and I want us to set up a booth
to debut our new video game.

We don't have
a new video game.

Exactly!

Any ideas?

I have an idea!

[Elevator dings]

Wait, what's your idea?



To leave.

I don't like video games.
Or people who like video games.

Geneva, we all
like video games.

Yeah.

[♪♪♪]

♪ Buckle up ♪

♪ And hold on tight ♪

♪ You and me
on a wild ride ♪

♪ We're gonna own it
and change the game ♪

♪ Together we'll make it
all the way ♪

♪ Through all the ups
and all the downs, downs ♪

♪ We'll always find our way
around ♪

♪ So here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪

♪ Here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪

♪ Yeah, here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪

♪ You got me ♪

♪ I got you ♪

♪ Here we go ♪

Oh, good.

We finally have a place
to change in the office.

[Unzipping sound]

No!

[Zipping sound]

This is for the video
game idea I came up with.

[Jarvis]: I'm playing
the main character.

Ooh, is this a game about a guy

who gets
attacked by ping-pong balls?

Very relatable.

Happens to me all the time.

[Mmm-boing bounces closer]

[Grunts]

And not just
ping-pong balls.

No, my game is called...

[♪♪♪]

[Bowie]: Fly Rates?

[Gasps] Is this a game

where you compare
airfare prices?

It's pronounced "fly-rits."

It's about sky pirates
who fly around in airships,

and the evil Cloud Navy
that won't rest

until they rid the skies

of those lily-livered
"Sky-lywags."

It's a work in progress.

So where does
ping-pong boy come in?

I'm using motion capture
technology

to animate the characters.

Sure, I could use traditional
digital animation

instead of putting Jarvis

in a tight,
formfitting bodysuit,

but we're cutting edge here!

This suit is really cool.

When someone's wearing it,

you can make them look like
anything you want.

Anything?

Wow, my hands are
really cold today.

As I was saying,
anything?

Let me demonstrate.

With a few clicks
of the keyboard,

I can create
a freakish monster.

[Cute game music]

If you need
a freakish monster,

why don't you just point
the camera at yourself?

Sorry.

Aster called in sick,

but he sent me
some insults

he wanted me
to work in today.

Anyway, the options
are practically limitless.

[Jazzy dance music]

[Techno dance music]

Wow.

I'm feeling very
confused right now...

Because I still
don't understand

how this technology works!

[♪♪♪]

"Ghost Goggles."

So these goggles are dead?

It's a virtual reality game.

You put on these glasses,

and digital ghosts appear
in your environment.

It turns the whole world
into a video game.

Cool!

Aah!
Not cool! Not cool!

Wow!

They look so real.

This is amazing!

I know! I love
conventions!

It's like
trick-or-treating,

but you get
awesome free stuff

instead of stale licorice!

I could really go for some
stale licorice right now.

So what are you going to do
with all this stuff?

I don't know, but
now that I have it,

I don't know how
I lived without it!

[Gasps]

Oh, that's how
I lived without it.

It feels about the same.

Sorry, Bowie.

I was just attacking a ghost.

Well, in that case,

can you attack the vampire
standing behind you?

That's just Piper.

I know.

Piper?

When are you going to finish
setting up your Flyrates booth?

What do you mean?
I'm done.

Done?

Where are your cool posters?
Your flashy light displays?

Your free Flyrates-themed
luggage tags?

I don't need gimmicks
to draw crowds.

My game is so good,
it speaks for itself.

You'll see.

People will be lining up
in front of my booth.

See?

They're lined up
for Ghost Goggles.

They're still lined up
in front of my booth.

You know what they say,

it's never too early
for sunbathing.

Of course, they're wrong.

I got up at two in the morning
for nothing.

[Elevator dings]

Video games?

And people who like video games?

I don't like those things.

Oooh!

A booth that sells sunglasses.

Now we're talking.

To ourselves.
About sunglasses.

Aah!

Get away!

Get away from me!

We get it.

You don't like video games.

[♪♪♪]

Hey, before you go
to lame town,

why not try...

game town?

Flyrates!
It's a pirate adventure game!

Not Fly Rates,
a way to find cheap airfare.

[Laughs awkwardly]

Really?
Ghost Goggles?

I don't know why everyone's
into that game.

It's just a bunch of people
kicking at air.

I heard they've sold
a thousand Ghost Goggles.

Well, I've sold
that many Flyrates.

Give or take a thousand.

You sold a thousand copies
of Flyrates?

Or none?

I'm impressed!

Or horribly disappointed.

All right, I admit it!
I'm a terrible salesperson.

Not salesperson.
Person.

But my game is good.

If I could just get people
to try it,

I know they'd love it.

Why do you think
everyone else

has booth babes
in skimpy outfits?

I think I know
what you're suggesting.

This is not what
I was suggesting.

Flyrates.
Come check us out.

[Titters]

I mean... "it" out.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Okay, these costumes
are more like it.

I admit that booth babe thing
didn't go so well.

Speak for yourself.
I got a lot of phone numbers.

[Grunts]

That's amazing!

That I got
so many numbers?

That people still use
phone books.

Anyway, these outfits
should give people

a sample of
the game's eye-popping visuals.

Pop out people's
eyes? Got it.

Blinding people isn't
good for business.

Right.

That would just be good
for your love life.

Just stand
in front of the booth

and let people
check out the game.

Bowie, could you
tie my boot, please?

I'd do it myself, but...

No problem.

The bunny goes under a branch
and around the tree,

but his ear gets
caught in a...

[Clang]

Hey, watch it!

What was that for?

You pushed me first!

[Interested crowd hubbub]

Flyrates!

Tell your friends!
And your family!

And your friend's family!

And their friends.
And their...

Seriously, I need this.

You'll never catch me, ghost!

Aah!

Get away! Get away!

Huh.

I only see ghosts
when I'm wearing these glasses.

So that means these glasses...

help me see the ghosts
that have always been here.

Yep.
I was right.

Aah!

[Ghostly screaming]

They can go through walls!

Well, two can play at that game!

[Groans]

Wow.

Now these glasses are letting me
see little birds, too.

[♪♪♪]

Where did everyone go?

What happened?

I thought you guys
were fighting!

We made up.

But sales were great

when you guys were fighting
like the characters in the game.

I need you to fight.

I guess we could fake it.

Good.

You will never catch

me and my airship, enemy.

For I be a Flyrate.

Arrr.

Wait!

The Royal Air Navy has
questions for you,

you pirate, you.

Then ask them,
you scurvy cur.

I shall.

If I'm flying to London
on a Tuesday,

can I save money
without having a stopover?

You have misread "Flyrates"
for the last time.

We shall see about that.

This isn't working.
The fight has to be real.

Maybe it can be.

[Cackles]

Huh.
Now my hands are cold.

[♪♪♪]

If Jarvis and Bowie
can't fake a fight,

I'll just have to make them
fight for real!

Smart and beautiful,
huh, Jarvis?

[Giggles]

Fun...

but focus, Piper!

[Machine beeps]

Aah!

Not as fun.

But I guess I need to learn
to move like Bowie too.

Ghost!

Geneva, I'm very fair skinned.

I don't go outside a lot.

Huh.

If I hit the ghosts,
they disappear.

Ow!

Doesn't work on
other evil creatures.

Jarvis, I need to
show you something.

Well, I certainly hope
it's not that hideous outfit.

Sorry.

Bowie had to go
to the bathroom.

I'm filling in for him
filling in for Aster.

It's not my outfit.

Check out
this security footage I found.

What's Bowie
doing in my office?

Keep watching.

[Gasps]

Why would Bowie break
Captain Indestructible?

Captain Indestructible's been
nothing but cordial to him!

You must be so mad
at Bowie right now.

I am!

Perfect!

I mean, that is a
perfectly normal response

to this situation!

Ow.

My legs are sore from perching.

Why did I put the toilet seat

on my list of things
you can't touch with your butt?

Speaking of that, I need
to show you something.

Well, I certainly hope
it's not that hideous outfit.

Jarvis already
did that one.

Oh, was that on one
of Aster's cards?

I just don't like
your outfit.

Then don't look
at my outfit.

Look at this.

His butt?

My desk?

Whyyy?

I don't know.

But you should definitely
let him know how mad you are!

Who's he blowing kisses at?

Uh... forget that part.

Focus on the butt thing.

There you are!

There I am?
There YOU are!

I'm going to do to you
what you did to my stuff!

Ow! Why are you
doing that?

I've been nothing
but cordial to you!

Yeah, well,

I'm going to do to you
what you did to my stuff.

[Crowd starts shouting
excitedly]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[Gasping]

I can't believe you'd
do something like that!

I can't believe
how hard it is

to get my sword
out of this thing!

Here you go,
one copy of Flyrates!

Wow! I'm sold out.

Don't worry.

I'll go downstairs
and get more.

Time out.

Time in!

I did it!
I finally have my sword!

Apologize for breaking

my Captain Indestructible
action figure!

What are you talking about?

You're the one
who should be apologizing!

You rubbed your butt
all over my desk!

Huh?

I wouldn't do that.
I read your list...

although I don't agree
with the toilet seat.

I'll amend it.

But I saw you rub your butt
all over my desk

in the security footage!

Which is where I saw you
break my action figure!

[Elevator ding]

I think I know
what's going on here.

Yeah, me too.

-Do you really?
-No.

Piper used her
motion capture suit

to create fake
security footage

so we'd fight!

So I wasted
my precious rage on you?

Well, if Piper wants a fight,
I say we give her a fight.

Hold on.

How do we know
Piper really did all that?

Because we don't have
any security cameras!

Maybe we should.
But we don't.

Looks like I've got company.

Who I didn't invite over.

You know,
you guys should really call

before you haunt a place.

[♪♪♪]

That one was for me!

That one was...

also for me!

That one was
a cartwheel for fun.

And now we're back to "for me."

This is crazy!

Whenever
I finish off some ghosts,

more and more appear!

It's like they keep taking it
to the next level!

[Swords clash]

Don't worry, everyone!

I've got more copies
of Flyrates!

Aww, I hate to see you two
fight like this.

Although he did break your toy.

And he did put his butt
on your things.

You'll have to do better
than that!

I'm not capable of doing
better than that!

This ends now!

Not the sales!

They'll continue
throughout the convention,

then afterwards
on our website.

Coupon code, "Jarvis."

[Electricity hums,
Jarvis yells]

Ha!

That'll teach you...

about electrical conductivity.

[Everyone applauds]

No! Stop cheering!

He's dead!

The love of my life
is dead!

Before I got to tell
him how I really feel...

how he's the only one

that's ever really
mattered to me.

And now he'll never know!

And it's all my fault!

[Acting badly] Gasp!

How dare you take
the credit, wench!

For 'twas I who vanquished
that filthy sky dog.

Why are you using
your acting voice?

Whatever do you mean?

This is how I always talk,
you devil-tongue'd rascal, you.

Wait. Is this
a fake fight?

[Laughs]

Gotcha!

What?

Bowie and I figured out

that you were playing us
against each other.

I didn't.
I had no clue.

So we decided to turn
the tables on you.

I don't think this is really
going to teach her a lesson.

Okay, we'll think
of something else.

And we did!

I hope you learned your lesson!

But what was all that
"love of my life" stuff?

Uh...

That wasn't me talking.

I... knew you were faking,

so I pretended to be
the Pirate Princess Penelope.

There's no Pirate Princess
Penelope in the game.

She's in the sequel
I'm designing.

"Flyrates 2... Sea Flyrates."

Wouldn't "Sea Flyrates"
just be "pirates"?

Uh...

"Sea Flyrates?"

That sounds way better
than this game!

I'm going to return this

and save my money
for the sequel.

[Loud clamor]

Well, at least we'll sell
a lot of Sea Flyrates!

I mean, once you write

roughly three million
more lines of code.

[Elevator dings]

Get back, evil spirits!

[Cheering, clapping]

What are you guys happy about?

We're being attacked
by the underworld!

No, we're not.

[Digital bleep]

You finished the game!

You got the Ghost Goggles
all-time high score!

Ew!

I've been playing
a video game?

From now on,
I'll wear these.

Aah!
So hideous!

Are those virtual reality
glasses too?

No, I just looked
at your face.

Hey! Insults hurt.

As soon as I'm done
doing Aster's work,

I'm going to have a good cry.

Hey, Piper?

Ow!

[♪♪♪]

[Announcer]: Coming soon
from Knickknack, Sea Flyrates!

All the action
of Flyrates,

with twice the romance!

Plus special
behind the scenes features,

showing how the game was made

using the latest
in motion capture technology!

Why can't anyone else
learn to do this part?

I'm P. Everett Knickknack.

The P stands for "Pirates"!

Please don't be one!
Buy the game instead.

[♪♪♪]