Slings and Arrows (2003–2006): Season 3, Episode 3 - That Way Madness Lies - full transcript

Charles kingman
is dying.

He's got the cancer,
and, uh...

He wants to play lear
before he dies.

I cried. Tell him.

It's not about money.
It's not fame.

It's not about
the festival.

He just needs to--
needs to play lear.

And the problem is
that it's a killer part.

I mean, physically
and emotionally,

This will literally
kill him.

It's terrifying.



Tell him about me,
about how this affects me.

I know. Ask him about
my higher purpose.

Man: Oliver welles.

Yes.

Was he
a passionate person?

Famously.

Why are we talking
about oliver welles?

His name has come up
quite a few times.

Oliver welles?

Yes. You've mentioned him
on several occasions.

No, I haven't.
Yes, you have.

No, I haven't.
Yeah, you have.

No.

Oliver welles directed you
in 7 plays at the festival.



Oliver welles betrayed you.

Oliver welles destroyed
the soul of the festival.

All right, all right,
all right, all right.

I mean, he's--he was
part of my life

For a number of years,

Whether I liked it
or not,

So obviously his name's
gonna come up.

I mean, I had a pet dog
when I was a kid.

His name was ruffles.

He was part of my life
for 11 years.

You've never
mentioned ruffles.

Do you consider
him a mentor?

It sounds like
he's haunting you--

Oliver, not ruffles.

Haunting me?

You know, you should
listen to yourself.

Oh, no. I don't mean
literally, of course.

You know, the people
who've made an impact on us--

Our parents, friends,
loved ones--

Often linger
in our minds

Long after they've
left our lives.

They become part of
the mechanism of our psyche.

I think it
would be helpful

If we focused on oliver
for a while.

Oh, finally.

♪ when life takes its toll
and fate treats you bad ♪

♪ you used to be king,
and now you've been had ♪

♪ along with your fool,
you think you'll go mad ♪

♪ it's nice to take
a walk in the rain ♪

♪ a stomp through a storm
is what i'd advise ♪

♪ when people you trust
tell nothing but lies ♪

♪ and kidnap your friend
and gouge out his eyes ♪

♪ it's nice to take
a walk in the rain ♪

♪ you say your daughters
are evil plotters ♪

♪ a pitter-patter shower
will keep you sane ♪

♪ when all has been said
and all have been slain ♪

♪ it's good to take a walk
in the rain ♪

♪ for several hours ♪

♪ it helps to have a howl
in the rain ♪

♪ without your clothes on ♪

♪ nice to take a walk
in the rain ♪

[cheering and applause]

Captioning made possible by
acorn media

She puts her bread
in the fridge.

Who puts bread
in the fridge?

Dancers, apparently.

Bread is big.
Bread takes up room.

It's an insult.
A triple threat.

It's not like she
eats anything anyway.

Have you seen her?

Maybe she eats glue,
maybe paste.

She's an idiot. Have you
seen her with the paper?

All she reads is

"entertainment
and life,"

And the rest she just
tosses aside.

That would be
the news part.

Oh, my god.
You hate her so much.

I don't hate her.
She's an idiot.

Do you hate charles?

He's such a prick.

God, am I that bad?

Soph, you know, I knew
you were gonna say that.

No. God. Sophie, you are
an amazing actress.

He is a prick.

There is no connection

Between your amazing
acting abilities

And his prickish behavior.

All right, look.
I got an idea.

It's gonna cheer you up.

Today on our break,

We're gonna fuck up
the musical rehearsal.

How? Why?

Because.
We're just gonna go.

We're gonna do something
fucking juvenile,

And it's gonna
be awesome.

3 words: Stink bomb.

I might be really
into that.

Me, too.

No, i'm serious.
Let's do that.

I'm serious.
Let's do it.

This is really gonna
make me feel better.

I don't know
what to tell you.

He was my director.

Oh, I was so much
more than that.

He was, uh, kind of
like a mentor

For a little while,
and then he was

Sort of like a best
friend for a bit there,

And then he stabbed
me in the back.

And the last time
you spoke to him was...

On the night that
he, happily, died.

That's right.
I tried to tell you--

Did I ever mention
before that he was

A drunk?

I've been reading
about this theory.

Now, this theory
says that every artist

Has one person who is
their private audience,

Someone that they
desire to please

Or someone they're
angry with

Or want to communicate
with in some way.

Is oliver your audience?

Oh, I love that.

Last night's preview
was very revealing.

The show failed,
and i'll tell you why.

We have become too
concerned with logic.

The true power
of the musical comedy

Is its inherent absurdity.

People sing and dance
apparently spontaneously

But in unison.

It's ridiculous.

And the common man finds
this absurdity calming.

Why? Because his own
pathetic existence

Is unrelentingly
logical and ordered.

I know this for a fact
because i've spent

Many years observing
the common man

At shopping malls
and country fairs.

We need more focus

On the absurdity
of the genre.

That is why I have
decided to cut 3 scenes

That are purely
expositional

And replace them with
inappropriate dance numbers.

We're cutting the story?

Yes, and replacing it
with dancing.

Tap dancing, if possible.

Uh, darren?

Sorry. Could I
say something?

What?

Uh, I don't think
that this is

The solution
to the problem.

You know, i've seen
a bunch of musicals.

That is because
you are a common man.

Ok, but what i'm
trying to say is

That what I find
enjoyable about it,

You know,
as the common man,

Is not just the--

Speak more quickly.

Ok. The characters--we
need to care about them.

You know, like
in "a chorus line," ok?

You know, we needed
to get to know

Each and every one
of those dancers,

And I think we need to
make the audience care

About--about
our characters.

One of the many pitfalls
of being a common man

Is that you have
a limited understanding

Of your own reality.

You are amused
by something,

But you are incapable
of understanding

The mechanism
of that amusement.

I pity you.

Ok, but--

Talking to you about
musical theater

Is like chatting
with a dog

About why it likes
to lick its ass.

Ok--

You're wasting my time!

Stage management,
the common man

Is banned from rehearsal.

Exit.

I am banning yapping.

Woman: Yes, I know
what a coup is,

But what i'm asking is,

What is the new
general like?

Is he a killer?

Well, how does he feel
about musicians?

Is he likely
to kill the musicians

If I send them back?

Yes. Why don't you
check on that?

Hey, geoffrey,
can I ask

Your advice
about something?

I wouldn't.

Thanks. Ok. There's
a problem with the musical.

It's got to do
with the way

The whole thing is,
you know, put together.

A structural problem?

Yeah. It's got to do
with the segments

Of the story.

You know,
the segments?

The beats?

Yeah. Well, they're
in the wrong order,

And because of that,
the whole path

That you take
in the musical,

The whole thing...

The arc.

The arc.
Well, it's wrong,

And I think I know
how to fix it.

Well, that's great.

Yeah. It's just that
every time I bring up

My ideas in rehearsal,
darren yells at me.

Mm-hmm.
He says I yap.

He's banned yapping
from rehearsals.

Do you yap?

He makes me nervous--
darren.

Well, he should
make you nervous.

He's an idiot in
a position of power.

But don't yap.

Just make your point
and provide a solution.

Ok.

Rehearsal is all about
arguing the material.

But of course, there's
a limit to that.

Beyond that limit
is grandstanding,

And that's something
that actors

Absolutely love to do
in order to drive

Directors right out

Of their fucking minds.

Yeah.

I think it's
a valid point.

Barbara, you are
talking about something

That happens in the final
scene of the play.

I know.

We are working

On the first scene
of the play.

Barbara: But this is
about who goneril is.

If she commits suicide
at the end of the play,

That makes her one
kind of a person.

If she's killed
by regan,

That makes her another
kind of person.

She commits suicide.

How do we know that?

We know this because
edmund tells us this.

How does he know?

He doesn't see it
happen.

It happens offstage.

Regan could easily
have stabbed goneril

When she realized

She had been
poisoned by her.

Regan was that kind of
a character, right?

Sure.

Geoffrey: Ok, all right.

Do either of you
have any evidence,

Any evidence
in the text,

To support this
"angry dying sister"
hypothesis?

As much evidence
as edmund has

To support his.

But he's in the scene,
you silly cow.

He has a little bit more
invested in the material

Than you.

Barbara: Look, charlie,

I'm gonna play goneril
as a cold-blooded

Ruthless killer.

It's gonna be
a little hard

For the audience
to accept

That she would kill
herself.

If they can accept

That lear has
a black daughter,

They'll accept
anything.

Asshole.

Ho ho ho! Ok,
this is great. Great.

Whoo! How about
we take a break?

How about a little break?

Woman: 15 minutes,
everyone.

The company is unifying
very nicely.

Yes, just like
the balkans.

She's just passionate.

[laughs]

That's one word for it.

Ok. Ok.

[finishes song]

Yeah.

This is what
I don't understand.

The song is good.

There's nothing wrong
with the song,

And yet it gets
no reaction.

No, it must be you,
megan.

You're doing
something wrong.

Let's try it again.

Paul.

This is gonna
be so good.

All right.

Like so good.

[piano playing]

♪ if an ear would
turn my way ♪

Is that her?

Yeah.

♪ trying to be ♪

♪ heard is what I
never get to be ♪

♪ tasted and touched,
that's been it for me ♪

♪ heard is the word ♪

♪ and the word is what
sets me free ♪

♪ I am lulu ♪

All right,
get ready.

♪ wasn't long ago
my soul was dying ♪

♪ wasn't long ago ♪

♪ I thought that life
was to observe ♪

Paul. Paul?

Shut up.

Paul.

♪ forgive me
if I shout ♪

The damn door.
Paul. Shit!

Paul, open
the door!

♪ trying to be heard ♪

Open the door!

♪ trying to be heard ♪

♪ trying to be heard ♪

Darren: Let's
try it again,

Only this time,
try imagining you're blind.

Ooh. What's that smell?

I don't know,
but it's perfect.

Use it.

Barbara: Aah!

For christ's sakes!

[toilet flushes]

Barbara: This is the thing.

Goneril is like a warrior,

Like a general,
so the only reason

She would kill herself
would be, you know,

Death before dishonor.

But what does she say
just before she leaves?

She says "the laws
are mine," not by--

She's not saying,
"woe is me.

I'm gonna end it all."

She's saying,
"fuck you, albany!

I'm gonna do
what I want." right?

We generally don't
talk about work

At the dinner table,
you know?

It's not really
a rule, but...

Right. Well, that is--
that is smart,

And it's probably good
for the relationship.

The only other thing,
really,

And i'm gonna
make this short,

Is that it would
make sense

That edmund is wrong
about the suicide.

People are wrong about
everything in this play.

Lear is wrong
about his daughters...

I'm sorry.

I hate this.

I know.

It takes every ounce
of patience I have

In rehearsal not
to take skill saw

To that woman's
head,

And then I come home
and she's here,

And it starts
all over again.

Geoffrey, she cares
about me.

What do you want
me to do--

Ask her to leave?

Yes. Now. Please.

I can't.

All right, tomorrow
over breakfast,

In between when she
says something like,

"I have a few ideas
about the set,"

Or "I think goneril
should wear a helmet."

Geoffrey, she's
my best friend.

I can't just
kick her out.

Well, what am I?

You're my...Guy.

Oh...

You were going
to say lover.

I was going
to say guy lover.

Lover guy.

Well, we haven't
made love in weeks.

I'm gonna sleep
on the couch.

Oh, don't do that.
This isn't a sitcom.

Oh, well, yes,
actually, it is.

I have a broken wang,

And there is a lizard
queen living downstairs.

Come back to bed.
We can work this out.

You can leave
in the morning.

Oh, fuck. This is
how you think--

This is
working it out?

Where are you going?

Well, you're kicking
me out of the house.

No, i'm not.
Ok, I am.

But what's the big deal?

Last year you lived
under the theater.

Ok, wait a minute.

Are we breaking up?

No, we're not.

I love you.

I'll miss you
terribly.

This is only
temporary.

What the hell?

Well, my baggage
is now literal.

I see that.

Did you have
a fight with ellen?

I don't know. Maybe.

I mean, one minute
we were

Talking
about things.

The next minute, I was
packing these bags.

And where will you stay?

Well, there's this
really nice storage room

At the theater.

I've stayed there
before, and I know

What you're
gonna say.

He's not gonna
say anything.

He's just gonna
make a little note.

"Wednesday, 8 a.M.
Deluded."

What am I gonna say?

You're probably
gonna say something

About the separation
of life and work,

But I don't think
you seem to

Understand this--
the theater is not

Like any other
workplace.

It really is
a family,

And some of them
you love,

And some of them
you hate.

Well, you know that
many people say

That their work
is like their family.

Their boss is their father.

Their secretary
is their wife.

And then there's
crazy uncle geoffrey.

Would you shut up?

Sorry. I interrupted you.

No, not you.

It's--i'm tired.

I didn't sleep
last night.

You don't have to talk
if you don't want to.

I don't want to.

It's your time.

I suppose I always have
thought of myself

As the father of
the festival family

And the actors were
my children--

Or some of them,
the principals.

Apprentices, swings,
members of the young company--

I never felt a connection
whatsoever.

That's why I could have
sex with the odd apprentice

Because, well,
he wasn't my child,

In a sense.

Oh, god,
that sounds terrible.

Oliver: If you really
want to understand

The way I feel
about family,

We have to talk
about my childhood.

My father was a brute,
an absolute brute.

That's why mother
and I drank.

Good morning.

Not really.

All of our fire
extinguishers

Failed inspection.

They have to be
recharged today

When I have the health
and safety survey

And the quarterly financial
reports to generate.

Is there a record player
in this building?

Because I just
fished out

All my old broadway
musicals,

And I want to kick
back in my office

And listen to them.

Have you heard a single
word that I said?

Yeah. You got
a lot of work.

So do you have
so much work

That you can't
answer my question?

Yes, actually.

Anna, this is work,
too, you know.

The musical's in trouble.
I'm doing research.

Ok, so it's
enjoyable work,

But, you know,
you should try that.

You should do
some enjoyable work.

Thanks. I'll try and
remember that tip.

Hey, listen. I tripped
over some bolivians

On the way in.

I'm aware of that,
but if I send them back,

They'll be shot.

Do you want me to send
them back to be shot?

No, miss sarcasm.

It's just that they
can't live in the hallway.

It's a fire hazard.

I'll try
and find them

Temporary
accommodation.

Ok. So?

Is there a record
player?

Are you committed
to this?

Well, what choice
do I have?

I love ellen.
I hate barbara.

I'm talking
about charles,

About his
playing lear.

Do you understand
how important

This is to me?

Explain to me again
how this is

Your ticket out
of here.

It's karma.
You're alive.

You wouldn't
understand.

So charles plays lear.
You go to gay heaven.

I do not appreciate

The levity of your
tone at the moment.

Geoffrey: What if he
dies mid-run?

Well, it's death
with dignity,

Something
I never had.

[speaking foreign language]

Oh, great.

I guess it's
the green room.

Geoffrey, please.
Oliver.

This isn't about
one guy.

I have a responsibility
to the entire company,

To the festival.

This is about
theater ethics.

Theater ethics?

That's like saying
whorehouse morals.

We're doing the
storm scene today.

We'll see if he's
got it in him.

[thunder]

Charles: Blow, winds,
and crack your cheeks!

Rage! Blow!

You cataracts
and hurricanoes...

I can't hear him.

Spout till you have
drench'd our steeples,

Drown'd the cocks.

I can hear him fine.

Charles: You sulphurous

And thought-executing
fires--

All right,
hold it!

Just for a moment.
Thank you.

Maria, let's
take it again,

But scale
the wind down

A couple of ticks.

I can do it
on my own!

Lear is the storm,
remember?

Geoffrey:
It's just a little

Aggressive texture.

It's a fucking excuse!

Geoffrey:
Thank you, charles.

Please continue.

Court holy water
in a dry--

Geoffrey!

Hold it!

Turn it off!

Would you?

[wind stops blowing]

Just leave the thunder.
Please!

All right, maria.
Cut the wind.

From the top, frank.

Blow, winds,
and crack your cheeks.

Rage! Blow!

You see?

You cataracts
and hurricanoes,

Spout till you have
drench'd our steeples,

Drown'd the cocks.

Lear is the storm.

You sulphurous
and thought-ex--ee...

Geoffrey.

Maria...

Hang on.

All right?

I'm fine. I'm fine.

Geoffrey: Uh,
we'll take 10.

Charles: That's the way
it should be.

It should be a battle.

Here you go.

Oh, i'll just get these
bags out of the way.

Are you leaving?

Things aren't going
that badly, are they?

Oh, no, no.

It's just a little
problem at home.

An uninvited
houseguest.

It's that cow
barbara, isn't it?

Grrr.

Where are you
gonna stay?

Here.

Here? The theater?

No, here
in this room,

On this couch,
actually.

That's disgusting.

I have a couch
in my apartment.

You can sleep there.

No, charles.
I'd be in your way.

Look, I know
you're hesitant

To go through with this.

My death wish,
I mean.

Spend a little
time with me.

Maybe you won't
care so much

Whether I live or die.

That's some offer.

Hi.

It's my bread,
my cheese,

My tomatoes.

I'm not doing
anything wrong, ok?

I just said hi,
that's all.

So how are you
liking your room?

It's a pretty cool
place, eh?

Somebody put a rubber
snake in my bed,

And last Saturday,

There was jell-o
in my shoes.

It's like grade two
around here.

Sorry.

For whoever did that.

I apologize to you
from them.

Whoever.

Hey, um, I heard you
sing the other day.

I was on break,
and I guess

I passed by
your rehearsal.

You're--you have
a beautiful voice.

Thanks.

What did you hear?

Sorry?

What was I singing?

Oh, something about
wanting to be heard

And...

♪ i'm trying
to be heard ♪

♪ trying to be
heard ♪

♪ trying to
be heard ♪

It's a pretty song.

Uh-huh.

We're having problems
with it, actually.

I thought that
sounded great.

Really.

Thanks.

So did you always want
to be a singer--

Hey, you missed
"trailer park boys."

I taped it for you.

Thanks.

Why are you so late?

I was watching them
rehearse the storm.

Oh, my god!
What is this?

Soymilk?

It's mine. Why don't
you look first?

Why don't you eat
anything normal?

Wipe the spout
before you put it back.

Wipe your own spout.

There's the bathroom.

Balcony, if you want
to end it all.

[chime rings]

A chime for every pill.

3 blue ones
in the morning,

And one white one every
2 hours afterwards.

Now i'll call
mrs. Loundry

And order you a cot.

No, no. Don't.
The couch is fine.

You're sure?

Yeah. I like couches.

You know, you sit
on a couch, you work,

You lie on a couch,
you sleep.

You can eat?

I can eat.

Tortellini tonight.

No sauce,
just olive oil.

I can't tolerate
spice anymore.

That's another curse.

Well, I actually
welcome simple food

Because ellen--well,
ellen tends to cook

Beyond her means.

Geoffrey...

The illness is not

A pleasant thing
to witness.

I don't sleep well.

I have trouble keeping
down my food,

And my body makes
vulgar sounds

That I can't control.

Well, I have lengthy
conversations

With an invisible
companion.

Oh.

Shall I set
3 places for dinner?

Tortellini
and olive oil?

Don't bother.

Hi, anna. Is geoffrey
still there?

Oh.

Uh, no, it's not
important.

I just called
to say hi.

[door opens]

I just found
4 bottles

Of cloudy bay.

Thanks, anna.
Try to relax. Bye.

Barbara: I just found 4 of
the most amazing bottles

Of sparkling wine
from new zealand.

We are gonna have
a girls night in.

I've played lear before,
you know, geoffrey.

I know.

And I was terrible.

I was 25, and I was the
only one in the company

Who could grow a beard.

And i'm sure
you were brilliant

Because you've always
been brilliant,

And as you know,
it was you

That inspired me to
this life in the theater.

I am
the personification

Of that particular
cliché,

And like the theater,
I am boldly fighting

A slow,
undignified death.

Oh, charles.

All right, i'll lay off
the gallows humor

Till you've finished
eating.

No, no.
Keep it coming.

You are going to
let me play him,

Aren't you?

Oliver: Don't feel
pressured

Just because you're
in his house

Eating his food.

You know, I have a lot
of other responsibilities.

I've got a board.

I have an entire
company of actors.

Well, that's bullshit.

That's bullshit.

You just don't want

My blood
on your hands.

All right, let me
ask you this question.

Is this really
how you want to die?

Wouldn't you?

You're how much
in debt?

27,000.

$27,000 in debt,

Your boyfriend's crazy,

And your career
has ground to a halt.

I wouldn't put it
that way.

You're the best
actor you've ever been,

It's true.

You're fabulous,
and I love you,

And I want you
to be happy,

But you're a wreck.

I don't think I like
these girls nights in.

Hey, did you follow up
with chris?

He's doing a show
for some network

Somewhere in
the states.

You see? This is
what drives me crazy.

You've never known how
to take care of yourself.

Never?

I'm not trying to tell you
how to run your life.

Oh, I think
you are, actually.

No, no, no.
All i'm saying is,

Isn't it possible that

You've grown out
of this place?

I mean, give yourself
a chance.

Call chris in the morning.

Promise me you will.

I will. I will.

Now can we stop
talking

About my miserable
life

And watch denzel?

I just yell at you
because I love you.

And you want me
to be happy.

I know.

Mmm.

What do you see when
you look at him?

A lawsuit.

Come on. Really.

I don't know.

A childhood hero.

An actor.

An old actor.

Your father?

Did you get that off
"dr. Phil"?

You're a lousy
therapist, oliver.

This would be talking

To your invisible

Friend, right?

I did warn you.

Geoffrey, would you mind

Helping me into the bedroom?

I think I overdid it today.

I think it was the storm.

Probably trying
to impress you.

You did.

I can see you're lear,
charles, very clearly.

The problem is
the cancer, I know.

But you see,
I manage my day,

And by night,
to help me sleep,

All I need is
my medication.

And your
medication is...

Heroin.

Heroin. Ok.

Charles: Oh, god!

God damn it!

That's why there are
so few aged junkies.

All this fiddling work.
Would you--

For god's sake,
geoffrey.

Where's your
humanity? Help him.

Help with the heroin?

Charles: Yeah,
please. Do you mind?

Uh...

Now just make sure

You keep the needle
parallel to the vein.

[whispering]
jesus.

I can feel that now.

[whispering]
it's wonderful.

Really.

I think I just said yes.

I shot him up.

Shot him up?

With heroin.

I stuck a needle
in his arm.

How did you feel
when you shot him up?

It's not like I was
contributing

To the delinquency
of a senior.

Ha ha.

But it was
an act of mercy.

Oliver: Of course it was.

Tell him about
your father.

No.

It wasn't?

No. Yes, it was,

But he had nothing
to do with it,

So no, i'm not gonna
talk about my father.

Well, that says
something, doesn't it?

You don't have to talk
about your father.

The fact that you're
so reluctant

To even broach
the subject.

I find it strange
that you would say that

Out of the blue, though.

You see?

It's not exactly
out of the blue.

I got this whole
sort of--ok. Look.

I saw charles sleeping
there in that chair,

And I started to think
about--shit.

Huh? Huh? Huh? Come on.

Why do you find this
difficult to talk about?

Because...

Because you're trying
to find your father.

You're trying
to relive--

Ok.

Because charles
expects me

To give everything,
everything

That I have ever
worked for

For him,
just like oliver.

I mean--

My father.

Oh, that was
so satisfying.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait up.

Hey.

Boy, dancers
walk fast.

Must be your legs

Because they're long
dancer's legs.

Are you going
to rehearsal?

Yeah.

Me, too.

Oh, what are you in?

Uh, what,
are you serious?

"king lear."

Oh, right.
I forgot.

Oh. I play
the heroic edgar.

Oh, I don't know
the play.

"king lear"?

I never saw it.
Is edgar a big part?

Pretty big.
Yeah. Yeah.

You never read it?
Not in high school?

Well, i'm not much
of a reader,

But I was in
"west side story"

At the atoba coast
school of the arts,

And that was based on
"romeo and juliet."

Right. Yeah,
I know that.

We were talking
about "king lear."

Well, they were both
written by the same guy.

Right.

Look, i'm just saying
i'm not much of a reader,

But I was in
"west side story."

No, I got it. I know
what you're saying.

So you liked my song?

I--yes. I really did.

Wow. I like it, too.

Like, lulu feels like
nobody is listening to her.

Right.

And then there's
a key change,

And she finds her voice.

And it's totally
in my belt range,

So I can really
let go.

They're talking about
cutting it.

Well, I hope they don't.

Do you want to go
for a drink with me?

Well, I thought
we were the enemy.

Uh, um, honestly,

I love the way
you sing.

Oh.

Well, i'll think about it.

[piano playing]

♪ look at lulu ♪

♪ lulu stopped
her crying ♪

♪ look at lulu ♪

I know what's wrong.

Darren, could I just
have 5 minutes?

Not now.

♪ i've made a brave
new choice ♪

It's lulu, darren.
It's lulu.

It's who she is.
It's the beats.

You see, it's lulu.

Stop it!
Stop your hissing.

I cannot think with
you hissing in my ear.

I'm sorry.

I just--I know what
the problem is.

Look. I made a flow chart.

The entire first act
is about lulu

Trying to find
her voice.

When she sings
"give my heart a voice,"

She's actually realizing
for the first time

That's she's not
just a prostitute.

She has a soul.

Yapping.
No, i'm not.

Everything
you're saying

Is pathetically
obvious.

This is not
a second-act song.

Lulu's ballad has to
end the first act.

Look. Then we cut

The restaurant scene
completely,

And we would open
the second act

With the dance number
at the crack house.

Can't you see?

Darren: That's it.

You have undermined
my authority

For the last time
with your flow charts

And your yapping.

You are banned
from rehearsals.

Darren--darren,
I think he's right.

Oh, my god.
It's a whole different show.

Really. We've got
to try this.

Ok. We will try it once.

This afternoon
for the preview.

But if it fails,
you are banished forever.

Thank you, darren.

Darren: Yap, yap, yap.

Megan?
The triple threat?

Yeah. Yeah.

Are you surprised?

Yeah.

We're back, everyone.

Act one, scene one.

We'll pick it up
where we left off.

But...

You said I should
ask her out.

No, no, no.

I didn't say you
should ask her out.

I said that she
was your type.

Yeah. What?

No, no, no.

It's great.
I'm glad, you know?

You're dating
a really cute idiot

Who happens to live
in our house.

It's great.

I should go.

Charles is waiting
to rip me apart.

Uh, good luck.

Goneril, our eldest
born, speak first.

Sir, I love you

More than word
can wield the matter.

Dearer than eyesight,
space--

Where do I look?

Geoffrey: Well, you
look at your daughter.

Who?

Geoffrey: Oh, sorry.

You look at barbara.

Yeah.

Beyond what can be
valued rich or rare--

Of all these bounds--

Maria: Cordelia has
a line, charles.

What?

Cordelia has a line.

And what shall
cordelia do?

Love
and be silent.

Where--where
are we?

What shall
cordelia do?

Don't start on me,
young lady.

If you hadn't jumped
all over my line--

I didn't.

Oh, you didn't?

I...

Charles: Then--then--
then you see,

I can't understand you
when you do speak.

You mumble your cues.

This has nothing
to do with me.

You see? And that's why
you'll never be any good.

It's the job of
an actor to be--

Uh--uh--uh--to be
involved every minute.

You're goneril when you
come into the rehearsal hall,

And you're goneril
when you leave it,

And you con--

I'm cordelia.

I'm playing
cordelia, ok?

If you're gonna
blame someone else

For your own
senility,

At least figure out

Who the fuck
they're playing.

Oh, god. I didn't
mean to swear like that,

Not in front of charles.

It's ok. He had it coming.

Charles.

I can't think!

My mind is all muddled.

I didn't take

My haloperidol
this morning.

It gives me
constipation,

So I skip a day
sometimes.

Oh, god, it's hell!

Ok, ok, ok. Shh.

Charles, just breathe.
Breathe.

Close your eyes.
Breathe deeply.

That's it.

Oh, my god.

All right, maria,
just calm down.

It's just a man
breathing, all right?

Now get nahum.
We're gonna take him home.

I'm so sorry, geoffrey.

Apologize to the girl
for me.

Yes, I will.

Maria, for fuck's
sake.

Right.

That was nothing.
That was just chemicals.

What now?

Ok. Well, we can work
on edmund gloucester,

And then, I don't know,

I guess I send
everyone home.

What are you gonna
tell them?

"sorry, everyone.
Our lear has gone mad"?

No. I'll say that
he's, you know,

Got the flu
or something.

The flu?

He was staggering
around the stage

Like a drunk.

All right, what, then?

Tell them
he's a drunk.

Tell them
he's a drunk?

Look, this will not
be the last

Such incident,
geoffrey.

You'd better lay
the groundwork

For deception now.

The theater is
full of drunks.

It's an easy sell.

You're a drunk.

Some actors need
a whipping boy.

There are dozens
of them--

Petty tyrants,
the lot of them.

Barbara: It's alzheimer's.
I've seen it before.

Uncle pete used to wear
a hat with his name on it.

But this is the theater,
not a mental ward.

This theater?

[geoffrey clears throat]

Hello, everybody.

Well, obviously charles
is not having a good day.

This is not uncommon
for people in his situation,

And, uh, he would like me
to apologize to all of you.

Most specifically, he would
like to apologize

To you, sophie.

And I will endeavor
in the future

To be more vigilant,

And charles has agreed...

[clears throat]

He has agreed to
attend a meeting.

All right,
let's get started.

Act one, scene two.

Woman: A meeting.

He's a drunk.
That was my alternate theory.

Are you ok?

Fine.

Can I help?

Mm-hmm.

You can get that lizard
queen out of our house.

Geoffrey--

Failing that,
why don't we rehearse

Act one, scene two?

Maria, please.

Geoffrey, did you hear
about this afternoon's preview?

No.

It was fabulous!

Yeah. Do you want
to know why?

No.

Because darren nichols
made some substantial changes

To the structure
of the show.

Do you want to know why

He made those
substantial changes?

No.

Because I suggested them,
just like you said.

You know,
I thought it through,

And I made a flow chart.

No.
Yes!

Yes, and he's keeping
them for tonight.

For the opening.

You're coming,
right?

Oh, it would take
an act of god

To keep me away.

All right.
All right!

Whoo!

[thunder]

Charles?

Where is he?

Oh, geoffrey, charles
just ran raving

Into the storm.

The irony is
heartbreaking.

Why didn't you stop him?

Is there
a heath nearby?

Shut up.

♪ it's a beautiful day
on east hastings ♪

♪ I didn't wake up
on the floor ♪

♪ it's a beautiful day
on east hastings ♪

♪ for a whore ♪

♪ it's a beautiful day
on east hastings ♪

♪ profits are starting
to soar ♪

♪ it's a beautiful day
on east hastings ♪

♪ to want more ♪

♪ and what is the world
on east hastings? ♪

♪ a patchwork of
cuttings and pastings ♪

♪ it's a beautiful day
on east hastings ♪

♪ to want more ♪

♪ for a whore ♪

♪ let me soar! ♪

[thunder]

♪ look at lulu ♪

♪ lulu stopped
her crying ♪

♪ look at lulu ♪

♪ lulu's not ♪

♪ a frightened
little bird ♪

♪ i've made a brave
new choice ♪

♪ to give my heart a voice ♪

♪ i'm trying ♪

♪ trying to be heard ♪

♪ gotta open up ♪

♪ and quit my lying ♪

♪ i'm sick of
shutting down ♪

♪ and letting all
the lines get blurred ♪

♪ i've got something
real to say ♪

♪ if an ear would
turn my way ♪

♪ i'm trying ♪

[thunder]

Charles! Charles!

♪ I am lulu ♪

♪ oh, wasn't long ago ♪

♪ my soul was dying ♪

♪ wasn't long ago ♪

♪ I thought that life
was too absurd ♪

♪ now i've got it figured out ♪

♪ forgive me if I shout ♪

♪ i'm trying ♪

♪ trying to be heard ♪

Chorus:
♪ be heard ♪

♪ trying to be heard ♪

♪ be heard ♪

♪ trying to be heard ♪

♪ be heard ♪

♪ trying to be heard ♪

[cheering and whistling]

Whoo!

That was crap.

Oh, come on.
That was great crap.

It was crappy crap.

You're just blinded
by lust.

Possibly.

Whoo hoo!

[thunder]

Great. Great show.

Oh, thank you.
Watch yourself.

You saw it?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Of course.

It felt pretty good.

Yeah.

We got a standing
ovation.

I know.
I started it.

Can I make
a suggestion?

I think I should
walk you home.

I don't know if you've
heard about this,

But there are
crazy people

Walking the streets
tonight.

I'm serious.
It's total psychos.

Why are you being
so nice to me?

I told you.
I'm your biggest fan.

♪ wasn't long ago
my soul was dying ♪

♪ wasn't long ago
I thought ♪

♪ that life was too absurd ♪

♪ now I got it
figured out ♪

♪ she got it
figured out ♪

♪ forgive me if I shout... ♪

[thunder]

[laughter]

Man: ♪ call the understudy ♪

♪ I can't go on tonight ♪

♪ i'm drinking with my buddy ♪

♪ i'm getting good and tight ♪

♪ before they raise
the curtain ♪

♪ i'll be higher than a kite ♪

♪ so call the understudy ♪

♪ I can't go on tonight ♪

♪ tell the cast and crew ♪

♪ to break a leg ♪

♪ break a leg ♪

♪ roll me out to dump ♪

♪ the bloody keg ♪

♪ bloody keg ♪

♪ I need to reach the fate ♪

♪ that life can bring ♪

♪ life can bring ♪

♪ and liquor is what
will hit the spot ♪

♪ the play is not the thing ♪

♪ so call the understudy ♪

♪ I think it's only right ♪

♪ my diction will be muddy ♪

♪ i'll never find me lines ♪

♪ before the intermission
i'll be busy on a sprite ♪

♪ so call the understudy ♪

♪ I can't go on ♪
♪ he can't go on ♪

♪ I won't go on ♪
♪ he shan't go on ♪

♪ I can't go on tonight ♪

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