Sister, Sister (1994–1999): Season 5, Episode 11 - Mo' Credit, Mo' Problems - full transcript

Tia's balancing my
checking account

so I can see how many pairs

of hush puppies I can buy.

Um, tamera, uh,
I'm having a little trouble

breaking your code.

What in the world
is "b.D.O.T."?

"Bought dress on Thursday."

I thought you were
hip to new math.

Okay. Done.

So, how many pairs of puppies

are about to find a new home?



Well, that depends.

How many pairs of hush puppies

can you buy with...

52 cents?

What?

Mm-hmm.

52 cents? I can't
believe I'm broke.

I still have checks.

Tamera, twice this month

I've had to loan you my money
to put in your account.

Honey, you're going
to have to start

getting more responsible
with your money.

What is with the drama, Tia?

Look, as long as you
catch my mistakes



and cover for me,
I don't see the problem.

You know what?

She's right.
There's no problem.

When she's featured
on america's most wanted

for writing bad checks

I'm going to turn her in
and collect the reward money.

We're going to have a
wonderful time... Susan.

Yeah. We're going
to see la boheme.

It's an opera.

Hello? Hello? Aw, man.

Ray, why are you

having such a hard time
getting a date?

Well, if you must know

I'm trying to find a woman

who will be impressive
at the opera.

Well, who does she have
to impress?

The president of this company

I'm trying to get
an account with.

He won't return my calls

but I found out
he's an opera buff

and I managed to get
seats in his box.

Well, hey, now,
if you're in a crunch

I'll be glad
to make you look good

for an evening.

Lisa, I'm trying to find a date

who listens to puccini

not the funkadelics.

Okay, but it's going
to be pretty hard

to impress Mr. Osborne
when you're sitting

in that box seat by yourself
looking like a stalker.

Oh, man, now i'm down to the zs.

Okay, you can go.

Not asking me like that,
I can't.

Lisa, would you go
to the opera with me?

Please?

I get dinner, too, right?

Okay, I'll buy you dinner.

I'm not talking
about no potato mountain.

All right, Lisa.

I'd love to go, ray.

Hey, ma, ray.

We're meeting dot and diavian.

Hold on, girls. We need
to talk to you two.

Hey, tamera, did you
do anything wrong?

I can't remember, but if I did

you're going down with me.

Yes, daddy?

Ray:
Well, we thought

that since you've both
been so responsible

with your checking accounts

it's time we gave you
your very own credit card.

And since you've been
driving downtown

to work
at that teen rescue mission

we'll feel more comfortable
knowing you have this card.

Thanks.

Thanks, dad and Lisa.

Oh, my gosh. We were just
on our way to the mall.

Are you guys psychic or what?

Whoa, whoa, hold on.

Tamera, that card has
just a $500 limit...

For emergency use only.

That's right.

Oh, we understand.

Right, tamera?

Sure.

The limit's $500?

Bye.

Ray, what's your
credit card limit?

Why do you want to know?

Because a night at the opera
would be nothing

without a bottle
of fine champagne.

You sure
tamera's not your child?

Tamera.

Huh?

Look at this... genuine suede.

Ooh.

Let's see... $389.

You know what?

I could charge this if I want.

Tamera, am I going
to have to take the card?

Well, well,
if it isn't the layaway twins.

Sorry, girls, no more try-ons

until you actually
buy something.

Oh, fine.

I'll guess we'll take
our credit card to the gap.

Oh.

You have a credit card.

Why didn't you say so?

I'll start a room for you.

You just do that.

Wait, tamera, what
are you talking about?

You can't even afford
to buy a button.

I know that...

And you know that...

But she...

Doesn't know that.

Whoo-whee.

Girl, you'll be all that
in this leopard print.

Girl, stop talking
and give it to me.

Lisa, Lisa, don't do it.

You don't sound

that bad.

Careful, ray.

Rubber gloves... no prints.

Let's go over the book of music

I gave on la boheme.

I'm working here.

I don't have time
for a pop quiz.

Come on. This account
with Mr. Osborne

is very important to me.

If you're not going
to read the material

then just agree
with whatever I say.

What do you mean,
agree with you?

For example, tonight
I'll turn to Mr. Osborne

and I'll say, "unquestionably

"puccini was the finest
operatic composer

of the late 19th century."

And then you say,
"that's right, dear."

"That's right, dear"?

Exactly. That's all
you have to remember.

I'll take care of the rest
of the conversation.

You sure you know
enough about opera
to pull this off?

Of course. Do you think

I'm a total idiot?

That's right, dear.

That is the bomb.

That watch is tres cute.

Where'd you get it?

Oh, really?

Oh, thanks.

They gave it to me at work

for never being late.

Oh, my gosh.

I'm late!

Excuse me.

We'd like to put
these on layaway.

Ten percent down, right?

Wrong.

You can't put
sale items
on layaway.

But you can always

charge it.

No.

Guys...

Guys...

My credit card is
for emergencies only.

This sale ends today.

Sounds like an emergency to me.

Is English your second language?

Guys, I can't charge
clothes for you.

My dad will kill me.

Tamera, you will have the money

by the time the bill comes out.

Next week, when I get paid

I'll pay you back
half of my half

because diavian owes me money.

Right. And when I get
my allowance

I'll pay you back my half
plus the half of her half

which is a half and a quarter...

Sounds simple enough.

Oh, come on, Tia, please?

Please?

Please, please?

Okay, I guess.

Sheesh.

I mean, how much
could it be anyway?

$429.52.

I have 52 cents.

Okay, tamera, that's it.

The last box of canned goods
for the mission.

Hey, girls.

Ooh-whee!

For a second there

I thought you were Wesley snipes

on his way to the opera.

Really?

Shoot.

I thought he was Denzel.

Oh, I get it.

You girls want me to take out

another box to the car.

Yes.

Sorry. Ray carries boxes.

Denzel doesn't.

You girls be careful

driving down to the mission now.

Ray, we've been there
a million times.

Besides, dad, the whole
church youth group

is always there.

Peace.

Have fun at the opera, dad.

Lisa, the limo's here.

If you don't get down here

we won't have time for dinner.

There's no need
to raise your
voice, ray.

I'm ready.

Wow, Lisa, you look stunning.

I know that's right...

Dear.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, sorry.

Tamera:
Tia, shouldn't
we be home by now?

Tia:
Is it my fault they closed
the freeway off-ramp?

I know where I'm going.

Then why have we passed

that burned-down
fire station four times?

Tia, stop doing that.

Tia:
What? It's not me.

It's the car!

Uh-oh.

We're stuck.

Uh... lock the doors!

Roll up the windows!

Okay, okay, okay,
we just need to calm down.

There is no need to panic.

We're just having
a little car trouble

in the middle of the night

somewhere in downtown Detroit.

And a strange car

is coming up behind us
and stopping.

A man is getting out
and he's coming this way!

Okay, panic.

It's for you.

Y'all stuck out here?

No, um...

We were just waiting
for our boyfriends.

They're cops.

Right.

They went to get bigger guns.

Okay. I have
a tow truck.

I thought you could
use some help.

Wait, wait, wait, wait...

Wait a minute,
Mr. Tow truck man.

Yeah?

Uh, may-maybe we could
use your help.

Can you tow us home?

That would be
a $75 hook-up charge

plus two dollars a mile.

No problem.

Hey, tamera, give me
your credit card.

Do you really think
this is an emergency?

Just give me the card.

Hurry up.

There you go.

Whoo! Man, we
are so lucky

we have this credit card.

Tamera...

If we didn't have that card,
we'd be in real trouble.

Tamera...

Huh?

Did you take those ho-hos
from the mission boxes?

Tia, I wouldn't take food
from the hungry.

Here's your card.

Thanks.

So, uh, do we need to get out

so you can tow us?

No. You need to get out

so you can start walking home.

Your credit card was declined.

What?!

Wait, wait...

That can't be.

We just got this card yesterday.

Sounds like a personal problem
to me.

Do you guys take checks?

See ya.

Wait a minute.

How can our credit card

be maxed out?

I mean, the only time

it's been out of the house

is yesterday...

When you had it at the mall.

Ho-ho?

Oh, I got your ho-ho!

Now, now, now.

The first thing we need to do

is let go of the anger
and forgive everybody.

No, no. Just forget it, tamera.

There's a pay phone over there.

I'm paging ray.

You can't go out there
by yourself.

I'm not.
You're coming with me.

Oh, come on, Tia.

Come on, Tia...

Put that jackass
on the phone now.

Hold on.

Why you all up on me?

No reason.

We just wanted
to make a phone call.

But it can wait till morning.

Now, when the Osbornes arrive

I will handle the introductions.

Don't worry.
I'll just sit here.

And look ravishing.

Oh...!

Good evening.

You must be the Osbornes.

And... you must be in my seat.

Oh, sorry...

Your gown is lovely.

Who designed it?

Oh. Thank you.

It's one of my own designs.

I'm Lisa Landry.

Of course.

I was at your last show.

I'm latrice Osborne.

Murray, this is Lisa Landry,

the designer.

My husband Murray.

Charmed.

Hello.

Psst.

Oh! Oh! And this
is my friend...

I'm ray Campbell.

I own a limousine company...

Shh! Shh!
It's started.

Yeah, we'll talk later.

Yeah.

All right.

I got to make a run.

You stay here
and keep an eye out.

All right.

Hey.

Hey.

Tia?

What?

He's calling us over.

What do you think
he wants with us?

I think he wants to murder us!

That's stupid, tamera.

He probably just
wants to Rob us.

Hi.

I'm not trying to Jack you.

It looks like
you're having car trouble.

I just wanted to tell you
the phone's free.

Oh. Thanks.

Tia, wait.

It could be a trick.

Unless you got a trick
to start this car

we got to call ray.

Give me a quarter, quick.

What?

Tamera, I gave you all my change

when we stopped at McDonald's.

You had to supersize it.

So y'all out of change?

Yeah.

Oh, let me help you out.

Oh, I see.

That's a special street trick

that makes the phone work.

Yeah.

That and a quarter.

Oh.

Thanks.

Hmm?

Oh...

Shh!

Shh!

Oh...!

Man:
Hey!

Uh... good catch.

Enjoy the opera.

I'll be right back.

His first opera.

Hey, man, um...

Thanks for
helping us
with the phone.

Yeah.

My dad should be
calling back any minute.

Oh.

Ho-ho?

Oh, you ain't got
to ask me twice.

Well, come on, Tia.

Let's go wait in the car
until dad calls us back.

Tia, that woman's
going to use the phone!

Ooh! Ooh!

Hey!

Excuse me, salt -n-pepa.

Can y'all move out the way?

I need to use the phone.

Oh, I'm sorry.

We were just about
to make a call.

Information?

Yeah, I'd like the number

to John Smith.

There's 73 of them?

Okay. Start at the top.

Look, li'l dog, if Perry calls

tell him I'm 'round
the corner, all right?

You better watch yourself.

Hey! Why is she playing
on my phone?

She's just making
a quick call, man.

She'll be off in a moment.

I'm on a very
important call, sir.

It's my other line.

Hello?

Dad!

Dad, our car broke down.

Can you pick us up?

You trying to play me?

Naw, man.

Everything's cool, man...

No, it ain't cool!

Dad, we're at 1102 south main.

We're waiting
in front of the dumpster

and we'll be waiting
in the car, dad.

Please hurry up.
I love you. Bye.

You suppose to be keeping
that phone free.

That's the reason
I keep you around.

Come on.

I want to talk to you, li'l dog.

Wait. About what, man?

Wha-what did I do?

Shut up and come with me.

Tia, there's li'l dog.

Don't stare.

I think he's hurt.

What?

Oh, my gosh!

You're right.

Hey...

Are you okay?

Look, it ain't no biggie,
all right?

Did that guy do this to you?

Look, why do you let him
treat you like that?

Because... he hooked me up

with a place to stay
and some food.

Well, you don't got
to get beat up for that.

You know there's
hot meals and beds

at the teen rescue mission.

I already know
about them places.

They want to know
where your parents are

if you go to school.

They give you the third degree

and all you get is a can of yams

and a toothbrush.

They don't really care
about you.

That's not true.

Oh, what do you know?

Two rich girls
who come down here

in your funky little miata

just so you can say
you helped the poor.

Hey, hey, hey,
if we were that rich

we'd have a funky
little miata that runs.

Ooh...

Y'all got it real bad.

I bet having bank can really
mess a sister up, huh?

You know

it's not all about having money.

We would probably be

where you are right now

if we didn't have
parents who care.

And you know what?

There are a lot of people
who care about you, too.

If you let them.

Yeah, right.

Here.

What's this?

It's the address to the mission.

Just check it out.

I don't know, all right?

Girls, are you all right?

Dad...

Dad.

What?

This is so embarrassing.

We just told him
we weren't that rich.

Couldn't you have
brought the Mercedes?

Hey, ray, um...

This is li'l dog.

He really helped us out.

He gave us money
to use the phone.

Oh. Well, uh...

Thank you... uh, dog.

Dad, can we drive him
to the teen mission?

Hey, hold up.

I didn't say I was
going down there.

At least let me
give you something

for helping out my girls.

I didn't do it
for the money, man.

I know you didn't.

But I want you
to have it anyway.

Look, y'all better
get out of here.

Uh, let's go, girls.

You heard dog.

Take care of yourself.

Don't lose that number.

Whoo! What
a night, huh?

Mm-hmm!

I didn't even get
a chance to schmooze

with Mr. Osborne.

Well, all may not be lost.

Latrice invited me to their home
for a reception next week.

Lisa, that's great news.

This time I'll make
the perfect impression.

What makes you think
I'm taking you?

You may not know how to act.

Come on, Lisa.

Okay, okay, okay.

But this time I do
all the talking

and you agree with everything
I say. Got it?