Sister, Sister (1994–1999): Season 3, Episode 11 - Private School - full transcript

Mmm! That coffee

smells kinda good, dad.

Do you think I can have a cup?

No, tamera. You're much too...

Oh, why not?

I was about your age

- when my father sat me down
- at the breakfast table

- And gave me
- my first cup of mud.

Sure. Pour yourself a cup.

I could barely choke

down my first sip.



- You'll probably want
- to add lots of cream and sugar.

That old java can

be mighty bitter.

Yeah, you're right, dad.

It is kind of bitter.

- You know what? You ought to try
- the Guatemalan dark.

Has little more body

and it's great

with a nice biscotti.

♪ Talk about

a two-way twister ♪

♪ shakin' up the family tree

with sibling synchronicity ♪

♪ never knew how



much I missed ya ♪

♪ I ain't ever gonna

let you go! ♪

♪ Never knew

how much I missed ya ♪

♪ I ain't ever gonna

let you go ♪

My sister Tia got a letter

inviting her to visit

this fancy prep school...

Excelsior academy,

this weekend.

I feel sorry for the poor kid.

- She'll never be able
- to leave me permanently.

I know my sister.

She's a real homebody.

Hey, sis, I'll give you

a jingle from chi-town.

What?

Chicago. That's where

excelsior academy is.

Look at her.

- She's been pretending
- she's going to go all morning.

- It's truely kinda
- pathetic, isn't it?

Tamera, of course I'm going.

- Excelsior has one of the finest
- academic records in the country

- And it's on the fast track
- to the Ivy league colleges

- And I'll make future
- business connections

That could someday

make me filthy rich.

- Yeah, but you'll miss
- Hank Finley's

"scarf till you barf" party.

You know, you're right.

Where are my priorities?

- Come on, tamera.
- I know how you're feeling.

I mean, if I was to get in

I will miss you too

but I'll still

be able to come home

every other weekend

- and I'll still be able to do
- your homework for you.

Just fax it to me.

- Tia, why would I want
- to fax something to you

When you're going

to be right here? Duh!

I still can't believe it...

My little Tia invited

to excelsior academy.

- I can't tell you how proud
- I am of you, Tia.

Thanks, ray.

Dad, don't encourage her.

- You'll make her feel bad
- when she backs out.

Come on, Tia, I'll help you

"pack" for your "trip."

- You know, ray, you have been
- a wonderful father to tamera

And a terrific step, uh,

half, uh, foster...

Whatever you are to Tia.

But I just want to thank you

for all you've done

these past few years.

How much money do you want?

Oh, just a little bit.

- It's for Tia's education.
- I've been saving for years

But I can't seem to put away

enough money to send her

to a place like excelsior.

- Don't say another word.
- I'll be happy to help you out.

I insist.

How much do you need?

Two thousand dollars.

Ooh. Wow, boy.

That's a big chunk of change...

But Tia's worth it.

That's just the deposit

to save her space.

- There's another
- 4,000 for tuition.

Mm-hmm!

Wow. Boy, those fees

really do stack up, don't they?

- But education is something
- you just can't skimp on.

- And then there's another 5,000
- for room and board.

Five thou... wow.

Phew! That's

a lot of money, Lisa.

What am I thinking?

That's just too much

money for you to just

be giving me.

Okay, fine.

I insist on paying you back.

Okay. You got it.

So is it true, Tia?

You're leaving?

Forever?

Well, I'm going to visit

the excelsior academy

this weekend

and I'm going to

have an interview

with an alumnus.

If everything goes well

uh, yeah, I'll be

leaving forever.

- But we were supposed
- to get together this weekend.

Oh, I see.

The scarf-till-you-barf-party

obviously meant nothing to you.

- You know, Ernie
- you really ought to get another

After-school activity

besides the drama club.

- Can't you see the subtext
- I'm playing?

I'm going to miss you.

- We're all going
- to miss you, Tia.

- Are you sure
- you're doing the right thing?

- It's going to feel weird
- being in a school

- Where you are the only girl
- who looks like you.

- You're the only girl here
- who looks like you

- And you don't feel weird,
- do you?

Actually, yeah.

Tia, you can't go.

- The Roosevelt high brainiacs
- have a chance at making finals

- In the academic
- decathlon this year.

I'm not in yet.

- Besides, you can get somebody
- to fill in for me.

How about Debbie la rue?

Sure. Good idea,

and while I'm at it

I'll just have

my cocker spaniel handle

19th century German poets.

You can't leave, Tia.

You're supposed

to be tutoring me

in English, man.

Steve, we've spent

the last four months

going over that material.

Yeah, but I wasn't listening.

- So, quick, tell me
- everything you know

- About that Shakespeare
- guy again.

The man wrote 37 plays

and 154 sonnets.

- I can't possibly catch you up
- before I leave.

Slow down, man.

37 plays...

Look, you guys. I'm sorry.

I can't carry this school

on my shoulders anymore.

Ernie, I'm sure you'll find

somebody else to barf with.

- Barry, the brainiacs
- will get along without me.

Steve, you'll do fine

on the test.

You guys, I'm moving on

to bigger and better things

so just deal with it.

Well, I see someone took

an "I love me " pill

this morning.

- Yeah. Sorry we're so much
- of a burden to you.

Fine. Go to excelsior.

I'll see you at the

academic decathlon

and bring your thesaurus, baby.

Yeah, we don't need you, Tia.

Anybody know what a sonnet is?

Uh, hello.

- I watch public television
- all the time

- And I wanted to talk to you
- about my pledge.

No, no, I don't want

to make one.

I want mine back.

- No, see,
- I got to have the money...

Whoo, ooh.

I never heard that kind

of language on sesame street.

Oh, hi, Lisa.

Oh, uh, ray, I've been

thinking.

- Since it looks like
- Tia's going to excelsior

- We need to talk about my
- continuing to live here.

- You don't have to say
- another word.

Oh, yes, I do.

I'm not leaving.

Great. Any more good news?

- Yeah. I want to thank you
- for getting this job for me

- Making this dress
- for your friend.

Ooh, this silk is

expensive. Size 18.

- You got any more rich,
- fat friends?

No.

- Hmm. Too bad, - 'cause I am determined
- To pay back every cent

I borrowed for Tia's tuition.

By the way, another one

of my regular clients,

- he's an executive
- with the Detroit lions.

They want a banner

to hang at the silverdome a

week from Sunday

I told them you would do it.

- Oh! What does he want it
- to look like?

Honolulu blue and silver,

about 20 feet long

with the words "go, lions."

Oh! No problem.

- I could put a nice gold trim
- around the edges

- -just to set it off.
- -May be.

Ooh, and some big paw prints,

ooh, with sequin claws.

I don't know about that.

- And I can hand-stitch - a scene from the lion king.
- In the background

Ooh, I love that part

where moufassa gets trampled

by the wildebeest.

Oh, that was so sad.

- Lisa, they don't want
- a huge dead lion

- Hanging over
- the concession stand.

- They want Honolulu blue
- and silver

- With the words
- "go, lions" on it.

Well, where's the fun in that?

Two thousand dollars.

Honolulu blue, huh?

I like it.

Hey, mom, I'm ready to go.

Have a good time, Tia.

- I know you're going
- to like it there.

Oh, thanks, ray.

- Mom, are you ready
- to drive me to the station?

- The train leaves
- in half an hour.

Oh! Sure baby.

- I got to have - this dress ready in an hour.
- She'll be over here.

- Ray, could you finish
- sewing on these sequins?

I don't want to do this.

Come on, ray. Come on now.

I would continue to stay here

and work my fingers to the bone

but I have to drive

my only child

to the school of her dreams.

Oh... all right.

How difficult could this be?

Ow!

So, dad, did you see

Tia with all those suitcases?

Can you believe she actually

went through the motions

of packing her bags

- as if she was really going
- to excelsior?

- And I don't know where she got
- that phony train ticket.

What kind of fool

does she take me for?

Uh, a pretty big one, I think.

What do you mean?

She's on her way to excelsior.

What?

Why didn't she say something!

Tia!

Ow!

- I'd say hollins
- is the best French teacher...

But try and get Caldwell.

His family is tight

with Colin Powell

- so he's got
- a lot of pull in D.C.

He knows Colin Powell...

too? Well, we've got to

talk.

- I've got
- some great coly stories.

- You're going to
- fit right in here, Tia.

You think so, muffy?

- Well, what do you
- guys do for fun?

- Do you guys, like,
- hang at the mall?

Oh, right.

With those people?

Well, we're going

to hang at minelli's...

Wolf a 'za, goof on townies...

You want to come?

Oh, no thanks.

- Once you goof on one townie
- you've goofed on them all.

Right.

Hey, guys, before we go,

- I've got to get out
- of these clothes.

Definitely.

- Ooh, honey I can't wait for you
- to tell me

- All about your weekend
- at excelsior.

Well, there isn't much

to tell mom.

It went great.

- So, if the interview goes well - you'll
be going away - In a couple of weeks?

Can't wait.

Honey, I'm so proud of you.

Ooh, I told all the relatives.

Aunt Felicia was so upset.

Oh, that's too bad.

No, that's good.

- She's always bragging
- about her little dachshund.

- Yeah, well,
- her little dachshund

- Didn't go to prep school,
- I can tell you that.

Tamera, I'm home.

Oh, hi, Tia.

Boy, is it great to be back.

- I can't tell you how much
- I missed my good old house

My good old room,

my good old bed.

Where's my good old bed?

Oh.

Under my good old brand-new

king-size bedspread.

You stole my bed?

- Well, Tia, I was just
- checking it out

- For when you go away
- to excelsior.

Ooh, man, does it feel great

to have a huge bed

all to myself. Ooh!

These two days alone

have been the best.

- I mean, until you came back,
- of course.

Tamera, what's going on here?

Well, Tia, I figured

you were going away

in a couple of weeks

- so I might as well
- get a head start

- In helping you
- pack up your stuff

And while I'm at it,

put up more of my stuff.

Mr. Froggie?!

- Tamera, I can't believe
- you'd do this.

- I mean, my trophies
- and my books are one thing

But Mr. Froggie?

Tamera, that hurts.

Well, sorry, Tia.

Oh, no. Don't apologize to me.

Well, sorry, Mr. Froggie.

Well, Tia, you can't

take all this stuff

with you to excelsior.

Yeah.

I guess you're right.

- That's why I'm not
- going to go to excelsior.

Tia, what do you mean,

you're not going

to excelsior?

Tamera, it's weird there.

I mean, they have names

like muffy and hunter

and they wolf on 'zas

and goof on townies.

- I don't even know
- what that means.

It means eat pizzas

and make fun of the locals.

- Well, maybe you should go
- there.

Just pretend

you know Colin Powell.

Colin who?

Never mind.

Tia, what did Lisa say

when you told her

you weren't going?

I haven't told her.

I mean, it's her life's dream

that I go to a great

school like this.

It would break her heart.

Tia, you don't know that.

- She might be relieved
- if you don't go.

- Besides, what does
- she have to lose?

She already has her own room.

You know, you're right.

I'm going to go down

and tell her right now.

Oh, man, this is terrible.

I wanted a big bed.

Can't you sew any faster, ray?

- I'm sewing as fast
- as I can... Ow!

Considering that I have no

blood or feeling in my fingers.

Mom, I want you to know

that I really don't have

to go to excelsior

if it's too expensive.

- Oh no honey. Don't worry
- about the money.

- That's all taken care of,
- right, ray?

Uh-huh. Right. Ow! Yeah.

So you're sure you want me

to go to excelsior?

Ooh, more than

anything in the world baby.

The day you get accepted

that will be the happiest day

of my life.

- You know, I've always
- wanted to say

"there goes my daughter,

an excelsior girl."

- You just start preparing
- for your interview.

- That women from excelsior
- will be here tomorrow.

If you don't do well

on the interview

you might not get accepted.

Really?

So, all I have to do is

blow this interview

but I don't know how.

Well, what if you were rude,

unmotivated and disrespectful?

How am I going to do that?

Finally, I get to teach

you something.

The first thing you do

is get that pleasant

look off your face.

Now, do what I do.

Pftt.

Tia, Mrs. Cathcart

is downstairs.

You're going to do fine.

I'll leave you two alone

so you can have your interview

in peace and quiet.

Oh, we're almost there!

- Tamera,
- what am I going to do now?

I mean, she's downstairs.

- I can't learn to be rude
- unmotivated, disrespectful

In five minutes.

It's taken you 16 years

to perfect it.

Yeah, you're right.

You went as far as you could.

Now, you just ride the pine

and let the bullpen finish up.

Don't worry.

I got your back.

Hello there.

I'm Emily cathcart.

How do you do?

What's up?

I'm Tia.

Nice suit.

Thank you.

- Maybe it'll come back
- in style someday.

Yes.

Well, let's sit and chat

for a few minutes, shall we?

Oh, that's cool

- as long as I can
- watch the tube.

There's a new coolio video

that's supposed to be slammin'.

Well, actually, Tia,

if you don't mind...

Slamming or not

I think we should conduct

this interview sans TV.

Well, we get nickelodeon,

but we don't get no sans TV.

Turn it off, please.

Oh. All right.

Why don't we begin by

discussing

some of your academic goals?

- For example,
- what's your favorite subject?

Oh. I'd have to say chemistry.

Interesting. Why is that?

Because you get

to work with things

that could burn a hole

through human flesh.

I see.

I don't think we

need to continue

with this interview.

Yeah, this interview

lasted longer than the one

from the last prep school.

Welcome to excelsior.

Sorry I didn't...

What!?

You've got straight as

extracurricular activities

community service

- and you'll bring
- diversity to excelsior.

But I was such a jerk.

Well, I myself had

a little "tude"

when I first went to excelsior

and look at me now.

But I don't have a "tude."

I'm really dull.

And a sense of humor to boot.

Well, toodle-oo.

- Now that you're
- an excelsior eagle

I can share the secret

school password with you.

Caw!

Back at ya.

Boy, you scared her away fast.

Tamera, you're a genius.

What you say? What happened?

Well, I acted bored.

I said I hated school,

and I insulted her suit.

What did she say to that?

Caw!

Well, what does that mean?

You're in.

What!?

Oh, there you are.

- You got to help me
- with this banner.

We're running out of time here.

- I'm trying to get ready
- for Tia's farewell party.

Finish it for me. Please ray.

All right, but I'm warning you.

- This inferior synthetic
- fabric tends to pleat

With I cross-stitch the seams.

If your appliques are bunchy

I won't be held responsible.

Whoo!

Shh! Kids, come in.

Tia's upstairs.

This will mean so much to her.

- She's going to miss
- all her family and friends.

She didn't seem too broken up

about leaving a few days ago.

Tia, could you come downstairs

and help me with the banner?!

Get ready now.

She'll be down any minute.

- Good 'cause I've got
- an English test Monday

And I've got to find out

who Oscar wilde is

before she leaves.

Surprise!

We'll miss you, Tia.

Forever, and forever

farewell, Tia.

If we do meet again

why, we shall smile.

Hey dude, say that

Shakespeare stuff again.

I think it's on the test.

You guys are incredible.

- Look I know I was kind of full
- of myself the other day

But you guys still came

to say good-bye to me.

Well, of course.

We all care about you.

- Well, I guess
- what they say is true.

You never really know

what you've got

until you have to give it up

and all I can say to my mom

and to my sister

and all of my friends is

guys, I'm never going

to forget any of you

because...

I'm not leaving.

Ooh, that was lovely,

sweetheart.

Here, here.

Look at your cake, Tia.

See, it says...

- What the heck you mean
- you're not leaving?

Really?

- Looks like "good luck, Tia"
- to me.

Oh, shut up, Steve.

I'm sorry, mom.

I don't want to go

to a prep school.

I would miss my family

and friends too much.

- We'll to tell you
- the truth, Tia

Well, I'm glad you're

not going either

'cause I would miss you too

- but why didn't you
- tell me sooner?

I knew how important

it was to you

- and I didn't want
- to let you down.

- Oh honey, the only way
- you can let me down

- Is by doing something
- you didn't want to do

- Because you don't want
- to let me down.

You understand?

Yes.

You sure?

No. I just said that

because I didn't want

to let you down.

You're doing it again.

I'm sorry I made all

of you come down here

but I really appreciate it.

You guys are the best friends

anybody could have.

Hey, no problem, Tia.

We're just glad

you decided to stay.

Ooh, this is

a beautiful moment.

Do we get our gifts back now?

Shut up, Steve. Let's eat cake.

Thanks for being

so understanding, mom.

I'm just sorry you went

through all that trouble

to raise the money.

That wasn't any trouble at all.

I did it. I did it.

I finished in time.

- Wait till you see this.
- Tamera, roll it out.

What do you think?

Well, ray, I tell you.

- I think the loins
- are going to love it.

Oh, no.

I didn't want to do it

in the first place.

I tried to get out of it.

- -Ow!
- -Ow!

Ow!

Hurry up. The game

starts in an hour.

- Lions, loins. Is anybody really
- going to notice?

Yes!

- -Ow!
- -Ow!

- -Ow!
- -Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

- -Ow!
- -Ow!

- -Ow!
- -Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!