Sister, Sister (1994–1999): Season 3, Episode 12 - Christmas - full transcript
Tia and Tamera learn that Grandpa is being hounded by a loan shark.
My sister Tia and I decided
- to pool all the money
- we saved for Christmas.
That way we can buy
really great presents
for our loved ones.
Plus, if you give a
lot, you get a lot.
Ooh, that's where you hid it.
Gosh. So...
How much you got there, Tia?
Exactly $490.
This is incredible.
Do you realize
that with your $490
plus the money I saved,
we have $498.
♪ Talk about
a two-way twister ♪
♪ shakin' up the family tree
with sibling synchronicity ♪
♪ never knew how
much I missed ya ♪
♪ I ain't ever gonna
let you go! ♪
♪ Never knew
how much I missed ya ♪
♪ I ain't ever gonna
let you go ♪
Well, I'm off to the mall.
- Mom, you've been working
- long hours.
Well honey hanukkah and
Christmas came about the same
time this year.
Oy, I have such schpilkas
- from the schmatas
- I've been selling.
Boy, ray, you're really
on the Christmas tip.
- I want this to be
- a great Christmas this year.
- Wait till you taste my eggnog
- I whipped up.
Egg... nog. Mmm...
Whoa, whoa,
not until Christmas Eve.
- See, I've got it all
- down here on a schedule.
"Ye oldee schedule
of yuletide events"?
- Wait a minute. "Christmas
- morning, 6:00 A.M. sharpee.
- Oldee Christmas
- present opening."
- Mom and I like to open
- them on Christmas Eve.
- Remember?
- It's a Landry tradition.
That's not tradition...
That's lack of will power.
Oh...
Keeping up with tradition
I made me oldee
Christmas list myself
- and notice
- the "must have" items
- Are marked with those
- little star dealies.
Asterisks.
What you call me?
- See, tamera, every year
- there's this great expectation
- Of getting a ton of gifts
- and we lose focus
On the traditional,
meaningful Christmas.
- Can't we have a meaningful
- Christmas next year?
- I need those rollerblades
- this year!
You don't understand.
- I want this year to be special.
- I want to feel Christmas!
- -Excuse me, Mr. Campbell.
- -Oh yeah, sorry.
- Where do you want
- this sucker, Mr. C?
That is not a sucker.
That's a Christmas tree.
- I want it over here.
- Bring it over here.
Yeah. All right.
- Is this where
- you want it Mr. Campbell?
Yeah, right over here.
Yeah, right over here.
Yeah.
Mr. Campbell?!
Over here. Over here.
- Everything's fine.
- Let us just put down...
-Hey, I'll go get the
ornaments.
Yeah
look what the yuletide
washed in. Yay!
-Dad!
-Grandpa!
I thought you were in India.
- I was...
- But it's not the same thing
- Putting Christmas presents
- under a sacred cow.
- Besides, I wanted
- to see my family
- So, I popped
- for a first class ticket.
- Garndpa with you here, it will
- be the best Christmas ever.
You'll have to excuse me...
I'm still on India time.
To me, it's 1965.
Whoa. This place looks like
the north pole exploded.
Yeah, I want it to be
a real special,
traditional Christmas
- now you're here, it's
- going to be even better.
Whoa. This looks like
a Christmas list here.
Three pages?
Is that all you want?
Oh, see, dad, grandpa knows
the true meaning of Christmas.
It's a great surprise
you're here.
Is everything okay?
Yeah, everything is okay.
I'm rolling in dough.
- I guess those tea rooms
- actually took off.
Yeah. Big time.
I'm so proud of you.
I always knew
you would make it.
- Just to think you're here
- because you want to be
- And not because
- you're in hiding.
Well, Christmas is really
falling into place.
I'm okay.
So, have you been
a good little girl, Lisa?
Yes...
Unfortunately.
I got to run, but...
How about you and me,
Christmas Eve
sharing some cookies and milk?
Oh, Santa, you "sleigh" me.
Freeze, kringle.
Mall cop.
- Up against the cart
- and spread 'em, please.
Dave, you got to bust Santa
in front of my cart?
- Don't let the uniform
- fool you, Lisa.
This claus is dirty.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Hey, I was right.
A lot of kids are going
to be very disappointed
if they don't get
their jewelry.
Say it ain't so, Santa.
Say it ain't so.
Don't use "ain't."
It's "say it isn't so, Santa."
All right Santa, time
to go to the slammer.
Let's go.
- Who's going to feed
- my reindeer?
Hey, Lisa, guess
who came to visit.
- ♪ Deck the halls
- with boughs of "c" notes ♪
Ah! Soupy Campbell.
Oh! They say the best presents
come in short packages.
Ow, Lisa, my arm's
are getting numb.
- Oh, it's so good
- to see you again.
So how are things going?
Hey, never better.
- I brought the girls down
- for some browsing.
- Meet you at Hudson's
- in an hour.
- Alright. Look, I got to talk to
- the mall manager
- About opening one
- of my tea rooms here.
- You go ahead.
- Pick out anything you want.
Oh, you're the greatest
grandpa ever.
- I printed up another
- Christmas list for you.
So, how's business, Lisa?
Ooh, it's great.
I'm going to shower
Tia with presents
- and jump in that shower and -
get a little something for - Myself too.
You know what I mean?
- So, I hear your tea room's
- going great, huh?
Oh! For me 'tis the season
to be jolly.
Not.
- You said things
- were never better.
- That's the problem.
- There ain't never "better."
- That's all a front
- for tamera and Tia.
- That's me...
- All front and no behind.
What about the tea rooms?
Don't have them.
Don't even a tea bag.
- Oh, well,
- you'll land on your feet.
Yeah, right. Probably
be inside cement shoes.
I owe money to a loan shark.
I'm broke, Lisa.
- Imagine me, Jimmy Campbell,
- a vagrant
A down-and-outer, a
ne'er-do-well
a hobo, a tramp, a bum.
Look, look, look, soupy.
Here's a ten spot.
Maybe that will shut you up...
I mean, help you out. Okay?
Hey Tia, where's grandpa?
He left early to go
to some big business meeting.
Well, come on! Let's get
to the mall and spend
that Christmas cash.
- I wanna give him
- something special.
- Oh no,
- I'll just meet you down there.
- I still have to finish writing
- this Christmas card
To my pen pal...
Yope, from Norway.
Give me the money.
Nothing doing.
- Want to know what happens
- with you and money?
What happens?
- It quickly becomes
- you and no money.
Well, all righty, then.
Ok fine I'll meet you
under the giant shoehorn
at Henry's for wide feet.
Okay.
Yope... I'll do my best to get
the butt-head t-shirt
but remember, that show does
not represent American TV.
[Doorbell playing
["silent night"]
- May I inquire whether
- a certain James Campbell
Resides in this here dwelling?
You mean grandpa Campbell?
- Are you connected
- to one of his businesses?
Well, I am connected.
- Mr. Campbell says
- he's doing really well.
- That's what he told me
- when I lent him the money.
However, he has neglected
to remunerate me
and my associates.
He owes you money?
A thousand dollars.
Wow. He's on
the hook for a "g"?
Does that include the wig?
Well, I've been watching
the history channel
and they did an expose
on the mafia...
Which doesn't exist.
- Then you know
- what happens to weltchers.
They get taken for a ride?
Exactly.
Tell him that I was here.
Uh! Wait! Mr. Gangster!
Yes?
Uh... I forgot.
He did leave an envelope here.
Uh, will you take half a "g"?
Well, $498?
Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna let him
slide for the deuce.
- You tell him, I got to have
- the other installment tomorrow
Or else.
Oh, yeah, by the way.
Merry Christmas.
Mom! I've got to find tamera.
Something wrong, honey?
- There's a problem
- with grandpa Campbell.
- Oh, I know, honey.
- I'm sorry you had to find out
- But he's trying
- to earn some money.
- Well, that's good.
- What's he doing?
Ho, ho, ho!
Santa's in the house.
Ma, is that Santa claus
who I think it is?
Yeah. I pulled a few strings
and got him a job.
But Jimmy doesn't
want ray to find out
so keep this between us.
Oh, there you are!
- I found just about everything
- to get people for Christmas.
Let the spree begin!
Ho ho ho ho!
Look tamera.
- I'm afraid we'll have
- to put the spree on hold.
- We have less money
- than I thought.
Look, this may come
as a big shock to you:
- Your grandfather's in trouble
- with loan sharks...
Really tough people.
- Look, I had to give them
- all the money.
You mean our money!
Eight dollars of that
was mine, you know!
- Look, tamera, there's something
- else I have to tell you.
Take a deep breath
and turn around.
- You mean over there where
- grandpa's playing Santa?
Yeah.
- Wait a minute.
- You know about that?
Tia, I practically live
at the mall
- and how many santas
- walk like this?
Boy, you don't seem upset
about all this news.
- -What's the big deal?
- -The big deal is
- If we're going
- to give great gifts
In order to get great gifts,
we're gonna have to get jobs.
Jobs?!
Oh, man! That's terrible!
Merry Christmas.
So, tamera,
the tables have turned.
You may be a big star
on the softball team
- where I have to dance
- to your music
But here I name the tune.
Rhonda, lighten up.
Lighten up?
- What we do here is the most
- important work at this mall.
Our efforts end up beneath
hundreds of Christmas trees.
One torn ribbon,
one lopsided corner
can diminish joy.
Does the word "psychotherapy"
mean anything to you?
Okay, smart girl
let's see how you did
with that box of China.
Oh, Rhonda, don't ever dis me
- when it comes
- to wrapping presents.
I can handle this little job...
- Thank you for
- your kind attention.
Merry Christmas.
What?!
Oh, don't worry.
If you don't have a chimney
- he'll come through
- the doggie door.
Oh!
Oh, Sammy, you again?
Hey, I keep thinking
of new things I need.
How about a monopoly game?
Oh, excellent choice,
but here's a little tip:
Don't be dazzled by boardwalk.
Instead, hold on to
the light blue properties.
- You wouldn't want
- to live there in real life
But in monopoly,
they bring back big bucks.
Okay. Time's up, Sammy.
Wait. Are utilities
a smart play?
Oh, ho ho.
Merry Christmas there, Sammy.
- That's it for today,
- grandpa Campbell.
I might say,
you did a jolly job.
Excellent elfing yourself.
- You sure ray doesn't
- know about this?
- -Yes.
- -Good.
Let's keep it that way
- 'cause I wouldn't want him
- to know that I'm broke.
Destitute. Flat.
Tapped. Busted.
Okay, okay, okay, I got it.
He also doesn't know
about the loan shark.
What?! Loan shark?! Where?!
No, no. He isn't here.
He came by the house.
- I paid him half
- your gambling debt.
You paid $500?
Well, I paid him $498.
He let me slide for the deuce.
- It was mine and tamera's
- Christmas money.
Oh, Tia, I'm so sorry.
I feel so small.
- I'll pay you back
- with interest.
Well, I'll pay you back.
The guy wants the rest
by tomorrow.
By tomorrow?! Christmas Eve?!
My crunch day?
Oh, boy, oh, boy.
Crime knows no holiday.
- Look, I'm sure ray
- will lend you the money.
- Why don't you tell him
- about it?
No way.
- I let him down enough
- when he was a kid.
I was never there for Christmas
I never took him to see Santa
and I never got him
some stupid bike
he always wanted.
What are you going to do?
- Well, look, tomorrow
- I get my paycheck.
- That should buy me some time,
- and if it doesn't, well
- I'll just have to take
- my medicine like I always do...
Screaming and
begging for mercy.
Ho ho ho.
Dad, I told you to stay
out of my egg nog.
- I don't know what
- you're talking about.
Well, I got to get
down to the mall
- and get into my suit...
- Uh, lawsuit.
I'm suing some investors.
- I got to meet
- my lawyers at the mall
To go over our strategy.
- You know, I'm glad
- you're doing so well
- But to take a day off
- for the holidays
Wouldn't kill you, you know.
Actually, it might.
Oh, which reminds me...
- If anybody comes looking
- for me, I'm at a meeting.
- Better yet,
- don't open the door.
Good morning.
Don't hog the nog, man.
Hey!
[Doorbell chimes
["deck the halls"]
I'll get it!
Good day.
- I'm here to collect a debt
- from a Mr. Jimmy Campbell.
- Oh, right. You're the hood,
- I mean gentleman
That Jimmy told me about.
- Well you know, - he's not here at the moment.
- You just missed him.
I mentioned to the young doll
- that I'd be returning for
- the second installment.
You threatened
a 16-year-old girl
out of her Christmas money?
Yeah.
Oh. Just checking.
Just give me my 500 bucks.
- Actually, I think Jimmy
- did leave something for you.
Say, this isn't really
Jimmy's money.
It's yours, am I right?
- You're very perceptive
- for a guy in white loafers.
Thank you.
Gee, soupy sure has got
a couple of swell babes
in his life.
Christmas...
What a beautiful hustle.
- You know, my dad practically
- ruined Christmas.
Yeah, he put a big dent in it.
Who was that at the door?
- Somebody collecting
- for charity.
I gave a generous donation.
What charity? Red cross?
Well, it was blood money.
Oh, good for you, Lisa.
- You see how wonderful it is,
- the spirit of giving?
You must feel great.
Yeah, yeah,
I feel great, great.
Now bite it.
Well, nothing's going
to dampen my holiday.
[Doorbell chiming
["jingle bells"]
- Excuse me. I was just
- talking to the lady...
Oh, yeah. She told me.
- I'd like to make
- a donation myself.
That won't be necessary.
The lady took care
of soupy's I.O.U.
- But I was remiss
- in returning it.
- Wait a minute.
- What is this all about?
- You guys don't talk
- to one another here?
Okay, okay, it's like this.
- Jimmy Campbell owed me
- a thousand dollars.
Alright? So I came
here the other day
boom, one, two, three...
- The young lady gives me
- $498, all right?
So, bing, bing...
Lisa, Lisa... excuse me.
Ray. What are you doing here?
- I thought you did - all your Christmas
- Shopping at Halloween.
Where is my father?
- I had a little discussion
- with his loan shark.
Oh. You found out, huh?
- Go easy on him, ray.
- Your father is Santa claus.
When will you people wake up
and smell the reindeer?
He is not Santa claus.
Ho ho ho ho!
Hey, he is Santa clause.
Just until the mall closes.
- He was hard up for money,
- so I got him a job.
I pulled a few strings.
Oh!
Uh, sorry, ray.
- I don't know what you're
- doing here, but no cuts.
'Scuse me.
Don't you know
what line this is?
Santa is my father.
Yeah, and my uncle's
the easter bunny.
Dad, listen, we got to talk.
"Dad"? I'm Santa claus.
I can't have children.
Knock it off, Jimmy.
All right.
Look, I can't leave,
so if you want to talk
you have to hop up here.
Ho ho ho.
- Dad, if you need money
- to pay off your gambling debts
Why didn't you ask me for it?
- Why add more
- disappointment clippings
To your deadbeat-dad scrapbook?
You're not a deadbeat dad.
- Right. I wrecked
- your Christmas.
- I'm sure it's not
- the first time.
Come on!
Some of us have a bedtime!
- Don't get your underoos
- in a knot!
Look, Jimmy, when I was a kid
- the thing that
- wrecked Christmas
Wasn't not visiting Santa claus
or not getting
that 26-inch black and red
schwinn phantom bicycle.
What bothered me most
is that you weren't there.
- Well, now you're here,
- and that's what really counts.
Oh... now soupy's getting
soupy.
I was so caught up
- in trying to create the
- traditional Christmas fantasy
I missed the whole point.
It's giving that really counts,
like Lisa and the girls did.
That's what really matters.
You see, dad?
I sure do, son.
Boy, all that work
and not much to show for it.
We did our best, Tia.
- Hankies for your mom
- and ties for my dad
Will just have to do.
You know, tamera,
- I thought you'd be upset
- about having to get jobs.
Well... I was a little
upset at first
but what's a little work?
- It's better to give gifts
- than to get them.
You know, tamera,
that's a great attitude.
Oh, girls...
I was hoping to have
an armful of gifts this year
- but I only had enough money
- for one gift per pit.
I'm sorry.
I had some unexpected expenses.
- I guess Christmas won't be much
- this year, huh, poopies?
That's okay.
- Hey, what is everybody
- looking so down about?
- It's Christmas Eve.
- We've got presents to open.
We do?
On Christmas Eve?
- Yes. Santa came
- early this year.
Okay, to Tia from mom.
To tamera from grandpa.
To me...
Oh, Lisa, you shouldn't have.
I didn't.
What's come over you?
- Well, don't look a Christmas
- miracle in the mouth.
Ta-da!
- He's here.
- Now we can get started.
But me first, please.
This is for you, girls.
This is for you, Lisa.
And merry Christmas to all,
and I mean that sincerely.
Oh... a check for $500?
And it's good.
A check for $498?
- Yeah. I hope you let me slide
- for the deuce.
Where did you get the money?
- Don't tell me the racetrack
- is open on Christmas Eve.
First of all, it's not
second of all, I checked
third of all, I wish it was
and fourth of all,
how dare you?!
- A guy thought I did
- a terrific job at the mall
So he hired me as
an instructor at u.S.C.
Wow. The university
of southern California?
No! The university
of Santa claus.
It's in livonia.
- I talked him into
- giving me an advance.
And, ray, I didn't
forget about you.
Roger!
A schwinn phantom!
Thanks, dad!
I hope you don't mind
- I took it
- for a little road test.
- Boy, those girls were sure
- giving me some looks.
Yeah. They probably were saying
"who's that geek on the bike?"
At least they were looking.
Wow! Wow!
This is great.
Ho! Ho! Ho!
Merry Christmas!
You know, playing Santa claus
might be your
true calling, Jimmy.
- Yeah. Maybe I'll finally
- get a piece of that pie.
Thanks for the presents, Roger.
- Hope they don't get
- your ears infected.
Oh. Oh.
We did get you something.
Thanks.
All: Happy holidays.
- to pool all the money
- we saved for Christmas.
That way we can buy
really great presents
for our loved ones.
Plus, if you give a
lot, you get a lot.
Ooh, that's where you hid it.
Gosh. So...
How much you got there, Tia?
Exactly $490.
This is incredible.
Do you realize
that with your $490
plus the money I saved,
we have $498.
♪ Talk about
a two-way twister ♪
♪ shakin' up the family tree
with sibling synchronicity ♪
♪ never knew how
much I missed ya ♪
♪ I ain't ever gonna
let you go! ♪
♪ Never knew
how much I missed ya ♪
♪ I ain't ever gonna
let you go ♪
Well, I'm off to the mall.
- Mom, you've been working
- long hours.
Well honey hanukkah and
Christmas came about the same
time this year.
Oy, I have such schpilkas
- from the schmatas
- I've been selling.
Boy, ray, you're really
on the Christmas tip.
- I want this to be
- a great Christmas this year.
- Wait till you taste my eggnog
- I whipped up.
Egg... nog. Mmm...
Whoa, whoa,
not until Christmas Eve.
- See, I've got it all
- down here on a schedule.
"Ye oldee schedule
of yuletide events"?
- Wait a minute. "Christmas
- morning, 6:00 A.M. sharpee.
- Oldee Christmas
- present opening."
- Mom and I like to open
- them on Christmas Eve.
- Remember?
- It's a Landry tradition.
That's not tradition...
That's lack of will power.
Oh...
Keeping up with tradition
I made me oldee
Christmas list myself
- and notice
- the "must have" items
- Are marked with those
- little star dealies.
Asterisks.
What you call me?
- See, tamera, every year
- there's this great expectation
- Of getting a ton of gifts
- and we lose focus
On the traditional,
meaningful Christmas.
- Can't we have a meaningful
- Christmas next year?
- I need those rollerblades
- this year!
You don't understand.
- I want this year to be special.
- I want to feel Christmas!
- -Excuse me, Mr. Campbell.
- -Oh yeah, sorry.
- Where do you want
- this sucker, Mr. C?
That is not a sucker.
That's a Christmas tree.
- I want it over here.
- Bring it over here.
Yeah. All right.
- Is this where
- you want it Mr. Campbell?
Yeah, right over here.
Yeah, right over here.
Yeah.
Mr. Campbell?!
Over here. Over here.
- Everything's fine.
- Let us just put down...
-Hey, I'll go get the
ornaments.
Yeah
look what the yuletide
washed in. Yay!
-Dad!
-Grandpa!
I thought you were in India.
- I was...
- But it's not the same thing
- Putting Christmas presents
- under a sacred cow.
- Besides, I wanted
- to see my family
- So, I popped
- for a first class ticket.
- Garndpa with you here, it will
- be the best Christmas ever.
You'll have to excuse me...
I'm still on India time.
To me, it's 1965.
Whoa. This place looks like
the north pole exploded.
Yeah, I want it to be
a real special,
traditional Christmas
- now you're here, it's
- going to be even better.
Whoa. This looks like
a Christmas list here.
Three pages?
Is that all you want?
Oh, see, dad, grandpa knows
the true meaning of Christmas.
It's a great surprise
you're here.
Is everything okay?
Yeah, everything is okay.
I'm rolling in dough.
- I guess those tea rooms
- actually took off.
Yeah. Big time.
I'm so proud of you.
I always knew
you would make it.
- Just to think you're here
- because you want to be
- And not because
- you're in hiding.
Well, Christmas is really
falling into place.
I'm okay.
So, have you been
a good little girl, Lisa?
Yes...
Unfortunately.
I got to run, but...
How about you and me,
Christmas Eve
sharing some cookies and milk?
Oh, Santa, you "sleigh" me.
Freeze, kringle.
Mall cop.
- Up against the cart
- and spread 'em, please.
Dave, you got to bust Santa
in front of my cart?
- Don't let the uniform
- fool you, Lisa.
This claus is dirty.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Hey, I was right.
A lot of kids are going
to be very disappointed
if they don't get
their jewelry.
Say it ain't so, Santa.
Say it ain't so.
Don't use "ain't."
It's "say it isn't so, Santa."
All right Santa, time
to go to the slammer.
Let's go.
- Who's going to feed
- my reindeer?
Hey, Lisa, guess
who came to visit.
- ♪ Deck the halls
- with boughs of "c" notes ♪
Ah! Soupy Campbell.
Oh! They say the best presents
come in short packages.
Ow, Lisa, my arm's
are getting numb.
- Oh, it's so good
- to see you again.
So how are things going?
Hey, never better.
- I brought the girls down
- for some browsing.
- Meet you at Hudson's
- in an hour.
- Alright. Look, I got to talk to
- the mall manager
- About opening one
- of my tea rooms here.
- You go ahead.
- Pick out anything you want.
Oh, you're the greatest
grandpa ever.
- I printed up another
- Christmas list for you.
So, how's business, Lisa?
Ooh, it's great.
I'm going to shower
Tia with presents
- and jump in that shower and -
get a little something for - Myself too.
You know what I mean?
- So, I hear your tea room's
- going great, huh?
Oh! For me 'tis the season
to be jolly.
Not.
- You said things
- were never better.
- That's the problem.
- There ain't never "better."
- That's all a front
- for tamera and Tia.
- That's me...
- All front and no behind.
What about the tea rooms?
Don't have them.
Don't even a tea bag.
- Oh, well,
- you'll land on your feet.
Yeah, right. Probably
be inside cement shoes.
I owe money to a loan shark.
I'm broke, Lisa.
- Imagine me, Jimmy Campbell,
- a vagrant
A down-and-outer, a
ne'er-do-well
a hobo, a tramp, a bum.
Look, look, look, soupy.
Here's a ten spot.
Maybe that will shut you up...
I mean, help you out. Okay?
Hey Tia, where's grandpa?
He left early to go
to some big business meeting.
Well, come on! Let's get
to the mall and spend
that Christmas cash.
- I wanna give him
- something special.
- Oh no,
- I'll just meet you down there.
- I still have to finish writing
- this Christmas card
To my pen pal...
Yope, from Norway.
Give me the money.
Nothing doing.
- Want to know what happens
- with you and money?
What happens?
- It quickly becomes
- you and no money.
Well, all righty, then.
Ok fine I'll meet you
under the giant shoehorn
at Henry's for wide feet.
Okay.
Yope... I'll do my best to get
the butt-head t-shirt
but remember, that show does
not represent American TV.
[Doorbell playing
["silent night"]
- May I inquire whether
- a certain James Campbell
Resides in this here dwelling?
You mean grandpa Campbell?
- Are you connected
- to one of his businesses?
Well, I am connected.
- Mr. Campbell says
- he's doing really well.
- That's what he told me
- when I lent him the money.
However, he has neglected
to remunerate me
and my associates.
He owes you money?
A thousand dollars.
Wow. He's on
the hook for a "g"?
Does that include the wig?
Well, I've been watching
the history channel
and they did an expose
on the mafia...
Which doesn't exist.
- Then you know
- what happens to weltchers.
They get taken for a ride?
Exactly.
Tell him that I was here.
Uh! Wait! Mr. Gangster!
Yes?
Uh... I forgot.
He did leave an envelope here.
Uh, will you take half a "g"?
Well, $498?
Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna let him
slide for the deuce.
- You tell him, I got to have
- the other installment tomorrow
Or else.
Oh, yeah, by the way.
Merry Christmas.
Mom! I've got to find tamera.
Something wrong, honey?
- There's a problem
- with grandpa Campbell.
- Oh, I know, honey.
- I'm sorry you had to find out
- But he's trying
- to earn some money.
- Well, that's good.
- What's he doing?
Ho, ho, ho!
Santa's in the house.
Ma, is that Santa claus
who I think it is?
Yeah. I pulled a few strings
and got him a job.
But Jimmy doesn't
want ray to find out
so keep this between us.
Oh, there you are!
- I found just about everything
- to get people for Christmas.
Let the spree begin!
Ho ho ho ho!
Look tamera.
- I'm afraid we'll have
- to put the spree on hold.
- We have less money
- than I thought.
Look, this may come
as a big shock to you:
- Your grandfather's in trouble
- with loan sharks...
Really tough people.
- Look, I had to give them
- all the money.
You mean our money!
Eight dollars of that
was mine, you know!
- Look, tamera, there's something
- else I have to tell you.
Take a deep breath
and turn around.
- You mean over there where
- grandpa's playing Santa?
Yeah.
- Wait a minute.
- You know about that?
Tia, I practically live
at the mall
- and how many santas
- walk like this?
Boy, you don't seem upset
about all this news.
- -What's the big deal?
- -The big deal is
- If we're going
- to give great gifts
In order to get great gifts,
we're gonna have to get jobs.
Jobs?!
Oh, man! That's terrible!
Merry Christmas.
So, tamera,
the tables have turned.
You may be a big star
on the softball team
- where I have to dance
- to your music
But here I name the tune.
Rhonda, lighten up.
Lighten up?
- What we do here is the most
- important work at this mall.
Our efforts end up beneath
hundreds of Christmas trees.
One torn ribbon,
one lopsided corner
can diminish joy.
Does the word "psychotherapy"
mean anything to you?
Okay, smart girl
let's see how you did
with that box of China.
Oh, Rhonda, don't ever dis me
- when it comes
- to wrapping presents.
I can handle this little job...
- Thank you for
- your kind attention.
Merry Christmas.
What?!
Oh, don't worry.
If you don't have a chimney
- he'll come through
- the doggie door.
Oh!
Oh, Sammy, you again?
Hey, I keep thinking
of new things I need.
How about a monopoly game?
Oh, excellent choice,
but here's a little tip:
Don't be dazzled by boardwalk.
Instead, hold on to
the light blue properties.
- You wouldn't want
- to live there in real life
But in monopoly,
they bring back big bucks.
Okay. Time's up, Sammy.
Wait. Are utilities
a smart play?
Oh, ho ho.
Merry Christmas there, Sammy.
- That's it for today,
- grandpa Campbell.
I might say,
you did a jolly job.
Excellent elfing yourself.
- You sure ray doesn't
- know about this?
- -Yes.
- -Good.
Let's keep it that way
- 'cause I wouldn't want him
- to know that I'm broke.
Destitute. Flat.
Tapped. Busted.
Okay, okay, okay, I got it.
He also doesn't know
about the loan shark.
What?! Loan shark?! Where?!
No, no. He isn't here.
He came by the house.
- I paid him half
- your gambling debt.
You paid $500?
Well, I paid him $498.
He let me slide for the deuce.
- It was mine and tamera's
- Christmas money.
Oh, Tia, I'm so sorry.
I feel so small.
- I'll pay you back
- with interest.
Well, I'll pay you back.
The guy wants the rest
by tomorrow.
By tomorrow?! Christmas Eve?!
My crunch day?
Oh, boy, oh, boy.
Crime knows no holiday.
- Look, I'm sure ray
- will lend you the money.
- Why don't you tell him
- about it?
No way.
- I let him down enough
- when he was a kid.
I was never there for Christmas
I never took him to see Santa
and I never got him
some stupid bike
he always wanted.
What are you going to do?
- Well, look, tomorrow
- I get my paycheck.
- That should buy me some time,
- and if it doesn't, well
- I'll just have to take
- my medicine like I always do...
Screaming and
begging for mercy.
Ho ho ho.
Dad, I told you to stay
out of my egg nog.
- I don't know what
- you're talking about.
Well, I got to get
down to the mall
- and get into my suit...
- Uh, lawsuit.
I'm suing some investors.
- I got to meet
- my lawyers at the mall
To go over our strategy.
- You know, I'm glad
- you're doing so well
- But to take a day off
- for the holidays
Wouldn't kill you, you know.
Actually, it might.
Oh, which reminds me...
- If anybody comes looking
- for me, I'm at a meeting.
- Better yet,
- don't open the door.
Good morning.
Don't hog the nog, man.
Hey!
[Doorbell chimes
["deck the halls"]
I'll get it!
Good day.
- I'm here to collect a debt
- from a Mr. Jimmy Campbell.
- Oh, right. You're the hood,
- I mean gentleman
That Jimmy told me about.
- Well you know, - he's not here at the moment.
- You just missed him.
I mentioned to the young doll
- that I'd be returning for
- the second installment.
You threatened
a 16-year-old girl
out of her Christmas money?
Yeah.
Oh. Just checking.
Just give me my 500 bucks.
- Actually, I think Jimmy
- did leave something for you.
Say, this isn't really
Jimmy's money.
It's yours, am I right?
- You're very perceptive
- for a guy in white loafers.
Thank you.
Gee, soupy sure has got
a couple of swell babes
in his life.
Christmas...
What a beautiful hustle.
- You know, my dad practically
- ruined Christmas.
Yeah, he put a big dent in it.
Who was that at the door?
- Somebody collecting
- for charity.
I gave a generous donation.
What charity? Red cross?
Well, it was blood money.
Oh, good for you, Lisa.
- You see how wonderful it is,
- the spirit of giving?
You must feel great.
Yeah, yeah,
I feel great, great.
Now bite it.
Well, nothing's going
to dampen my holiday.
[Doorbell chiming
["jingle bells"]
- Excuse me. I was just
- talking to the lady...
Oh, yeah. She told me.
- I'd like to make
- a donation myself.
That won't be necessary.
The lady took care
of soupy's I.O.U.
- But I was remiss
- in returning it.
- Wait a minute.
- What is this all about?
- You guys don't talk
- to one another here?
Okay, okay, it's like this.
- Jimmy Campbell owed me
- a thousand dollars.
Alright? So I came
here the other day
boom, one, two, three...
- The young lady gives me
- $498, all right?
So, bing, bing...
Lisa, Lisa... excuse me.
Ray. What are you doing here?
- I thought you did - all your Christmas
- Shopping at Halloween.
Where is my father?
- I had a little discussion
- with his loan shark.
Oh. You found out, huh?
- Go easy on him, ray.
- Your father is Santa claus.
When will you people wake up
and smell the reindeer?
He is not Santa claus.
Ho ho ho ho!
Hey, he is Santa clause.
Just until the mall closes.
- He was hard up for money,
- so I got him a job.
I pulled a few strings.
Oh!
Uh, sorry, ray.
- I don't know what you're
- doing here, but no cuts.
'Scuse me.
Don't you know
what line this is?
Santa is my father.
Yeah, and my uncle's
the easter bunny.
Dad, listen, we got to talk.
"Dad"? I'm Santa claus.
I can't have children.
Knock it off, Jimmy.
All right.
Look, I can't leave,
so if you want to talk
you have to hop up here.
Ho ho ho.
- Dad, if you need money
- to pay off your gambling debts
Why didn't you ask me for it?
- Why add more
- disappointment clippings
To your deadbeat-dad scrapbook?
You're not a deadbeat dad.
- Right. I wrecked
- your Christmas.
- I'm sure it's not
- the first time.
Come on!
Some of us have a bedtime!
- Don't get your underoos
- in a knot!
Look, Jimmy, when I was a kid
- the thing that
- wrecked Christmas
Wasn't not visiting Santa claus
or not getting
that 26-inch black and red
schwinn phantom bicycle.
What bothered me most
is that you weren't there.
- Well, now you're here,
- and that's what really counts.
Oh... now soupy's getting
soupy.
I was so caught up
- in trying to create the
- traditional Christmas fantasy
I missed the whole point.
It's giving that really counts,
like Lisa and the girls did.
That's what really matters.
You see, dad?
I sure do, son.
Boy, all that work
and not much to show for it.
We did our best, Tia.
- Hankies for your mom
- and ties for my dad
Will just have to do.
You know, tamera,
- I thought you'd be upset
- about having to get jobs.
Well... I was a little
upset at first
but what's a little work?
- It's better to give gifts
- than to get them.
You know, tamera,
that's a great attitude.
Oh, girls...
I was hoping to have
an armful of gifts this year
- but I only had enough money
- for one gift per pit.
I'm sorry.
I had some unexpected expenses.
- I guess Christmas won't be much
- this year, huh, poopies?
That's okay.
- Hey, what is everybody
- looking so down about?
- It's Christmas Eve.
- We've got presents to open.
We do?
On Christmas Eve?
- Yes. Santa came
- early this year.
Okay, to Tia from mom.
To tamera from grandpa.
To me...
Oh, Lisa, you shouldn't have.
I didn't.
What's come over you?
- Well, don't look a Christmas
- miracle in the mouth.
Ta-da!
- He's here.
- Now we can get started.
But me first, please.
This is for you, girls.
This is for you, Lisa.
And merry Christmas to all,
and I mean that sincerely.
Oh... a check for $500?
And it's good.
A check for $498?
- Yeah. I hope you let me slide
- for the deuce.
Where did you get the money?
- Don't tell me the racetrack
- is open on Christmas Eve.
First of all, it's not
second of all, I checked
third of all, I wish it was
and fourth of all,
how dare you?!
- A guy thought I did
- a terrific job at the mall
So he hired me as
an instructor at u.S.C.
Wow. The university
of southern California?
No! The university
of Santa claus.
It's in livonia.
- I talked him into
- giving me an advance.
And, ray, I didn't
forget about you.
Roger!
A schwinn phantom!
Thanks, dad!
I hope you don't mind
- I took it
- for a little road test.
- Boy, those girls were sure
- giving me some looks.
Yeah. They probably were saying
"who's that geek on the bike?"
At least they were looking.
Wow! Wow!
This is great.
Ho! Ho! Ho!
Merry Christmas!
You know, playing Santa claus
might be your
true calling, Jimmy.
- Yeah. Maybe I'll finally
- get a piece of that pie.
Thanks for the presents, Roger.
- Hope they don't get
- your ears infected.
Oh. Oh.
We did get you something.
Thanks.
All: Happy holidays.