Single by 30 (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Never Have I Ever - full transcript
Joanna reconnects with an ex as Peter tries to impress Sarah's friends. Mark and Chloe attempt to take their relationship to the next level, by going on an "official" date.
[♪♪♪]
♪ Come on, baby
It's your typical every day ♪
Goodbye, Calculus.
[PEOPLE CHEERING]
I don't need you any more.
Never did, never will.
It feels so good
to purge.
Try it.
Come on...
What are you holding onto?
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Sophomore year Home Ec?
You need that?
Yeah. This has the world famous
blueberry crumble recipe.
And you never know
when you might need
a delicious
blueberry crumble.
Two pints blueberry,
one cup flour--
Three cups of sugar?
Oh, no wonder it tasted
so perfect.
[♪♪♪]
Okay, sir, we'll have
your order out by Monday.
Thank you.
Can you please talk
to Mom and Dad?
They won't stop texting me about
how you're not
going to dinner tonight.
Uh, well,
I'm helping Sarah out.
She's having a dinner party,
and I'm meeting her friends.
And you made that?
Hey, relax.
They'll love it.
Better hope so.
These are the people you'll
be going to brunch with,
watching bad reality TV with,
be on-- ooh--
group email chains with.
How's your reply-all game?
Really strong.
Good, because Dr. Sarah
is way out of your league.
Hey, we're firmly
in the same league.
Mm, you work for your parents
making children's jerseys,
she works for a hospital
saving children's lives.
Better bring your A game.
Oh, you look nice.
You have a date?
Ah, no.
I am just getting drinks
with a friend.
Heh, okay.
Well, that's
a pretty hot dress,
so it must be
a pretty lucky friend.
Um, it's-it's Carl.
Carl?
Yeah...
Carl, like your ex, Carl?
Like who's marrying
your super good friend, Carl?
That Carl?
Yes.
Well, whose idea was this?
What do you think he wants?
I don't know, he called
and it was very vague,
but he just said he wanted
to talk about some things, so...
A guy calls up his ex
right before his wedding?
Yeah, I think we know
how this story ends.
Come on, no, I'm still
friends with Allison.
Oh, my God, what if
he and Allison broke up
and that's why
he wants to meet up?
What would you do then?
Then? I don't know.
Okay, well, are you
gonna wear false lashes?
What does that
have to do with anything?
Fake lashes send a message,
it says,
I'm down if you're down.
That's what one of the blonde
twins on The Bachelor says.
I'll be back by 10.
'Kay.
I'll try not to interrupt
pizza and chill with Mark.
Oh, don't worry about it.
Pizza and chill turned into
like an I'll pick you up
at eight thing, so...
Whoa, a date.
No, it's not a date.
I don't date.
Okay, well, I think that's--
I think it's cool.
He clearly really likes you.
Well, regardless,
this isn't a date.
It doesn't matter how he feels.
Have fun on your date.
I'll see you later.
Joanna, that is very rude.
This is not a date.
Yo.
Yo!
You're nice and early.
You look beautiful.
Mm, thank you.
Ah, what's this?
Rhinorrhea?
Runny nose in Latin.
They're for charades tonight.
Ohh, nerd alert.
Excuse me, mister.
You are dating a nerd,
a competitive one.
And charades is my jam, so
I expect us to win big tonight.
So don't embarrass us.
Oh-ho, I did not come here
to make friends.
I mean, I did come here
to make friends,
but we will destroy anyone
who tries to stop us.
Yeah.
And then
we'll make them eat
my legendary blueberry crumble.
Aw, thank you.
Don't be offended, but all
my friends eat really clean.
No sugar, no carbs, really.
So... I'll just...
put this in the fridge.
Okay.
So tonight's all doctors?
Yeah, most of my friends
are from the hospital.
Am I underdressed?
Actually, remember that store
we passed on La Brea?
Oh...
Ta-da!
Hey, you didn't have
to do that.
Well, I saw it, and thought
it would look great
on that hot bod.
Oh, this hot bod?
Mm-hm, that's the one. Heh.
Wow...
I have to set up still,
but, um, if you wanna wear
that sweater, totally cool.
You want me to wear
this sweater tonight?
I'm so glad
you picked up on that.
[♪♪♪]
Heh, hey!
Hey, you!
Oh, it's been a while.
Oh, I know, I'm sorry
we haven't talked
in a long time.
Yeah.
So...
How have you been?
Good. Um, you know,
I just, I needed a break,
so I moved back here.
You know, I just got
a great apartment.
Oh, that's great.
Just kinda
tryin' to figure out
what's next.
Thanks for callin' me back.
Yeah.
Uh, I know I was pretty vague
over the phone,
but it was important,
and, you know,
we wanted to ask you
this question in person.
Me?
Jojo?
Oh, my God!
So sorry I'm late.
Wow, it's good to see you.
Oh, I love the lashes.
Oh, hi.
Hi.
Wow, I-- I didn't know
you were coming.
Oh, wedding plan stuff,
you know.
Yeah.
So did you ask her yet?
I was just about to.
Oh. Ask-ask me what?
Well, since
you introduced us,
we were wondering if you
would sing at our wedding?
Wow.
Please say yes.
Wow, I--
You know, I've never
sung at a wedding before.
But you're so good.
I remember those karaoke
nights in Singapore.
I don't-- I don't know.
Please. I mean,
it would really mean
a lot to us.
So much.
Okay? Okay, yeah.
Really? Yes? Oh, you're
gonna be so amazing.
What, well, let's toast.
Get some champagne, right?
Great.
CARL:
How was the cake tasting,
by the way?
They're gonna love you.
Just be yourself,
don't talk politics, and ask
about work, they love that.
It's starting
to feel like a test.
Relax, I just want it
to go well.
Hey, and later tonight,
I say we dominate them
in flip cup.
It's not that kind
of party, Peter.
Oh.
Hey, come meet my co-worker
Jessie and her husband Rob.
Okay.
Hey, guys.
ROB: Yo.
JESSIE: Hi.
This is Peter, my boyfriend.
Hi, Peter, I'm Jessie.
This is my husband Rob.
How are ya?
Nice to meet you guys.
Nice to meet you too.
Jessie and Rob
just had a baby.
Oh, that's so great.
Boy or a girl?
Oh, we're gonna let him
or her decide.
Yeah, it's
the right thing to do.
Obviously.
Wow, so doctors
and parents?
How do you do it?
They're my heroes.
Oh, heh.
A lot of teamwork
and a lot of coffee.
Coffee,
so much coffee.
[POLITE LAUGHTER]
ROB:
How about you, Peter?
Oh, I'm in
the family business.
Yeah. Printing for apparel,
printing on apparels.
Fashion,
that's super exciting.
Mm-hm.
Uh, heh, it's not
the fashion you're thinking.
Oh, Peter's
being modest.
He actually
runs his own company,
and has a lot
of great clients.
It's actually
my parents' company.
Well, we're gonna
go get refills.
Okay.
Why did you
undersell yourself?
Well, it's not like
we're Versace.
I mean, our last clients
was the Toluca Lake
Fighting Scorpions,
and I don't think an under-7
soccer team is that impressive.
Not when you say it
like that.
How would you say it?
I do the apparel branding
for L.A. sports teams.
That does sound better.
[CHUCKLES]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I'll go get that.
Be right back.
Okay.
[SIGHS]
Hey, fellas, how you doin'?
How's it goin'?
Good, good.
Yeah, I was
just congratulating Mike
on his new fellowship.
Yeah.
Neurovascular surgery
is a bitch.
[ALL CHUCKLE]
Pediatric cardiovascular's
a little bit tougher.
Ooh.
Is that,
like, tiny hearts?
Sick tiny hearts.
Oh, excuse me.
Hey, Jo, what's up?
JOANNA [ON PHONE]:
Um, been kind of a weird day.
Can you meet me for a drink?
I wish, but I'm
at Sarah's with her friends.
Oh, I'm sorry
to bother you.
No, please bother me.
I can't talk about
any more tiny sick hearts.
Tell me about it.
Hey, why don't you
come over here?
[♪♪♪]
[SHUDDERS]
Wow.
You look hot.
Thank you so much.
That's for you.
That's from my front yard?
Oh, no, why would you--
Yes, it is actually.
You have very thorny bushes
out there, so...
Okay, thanks. Well, I just
need a couple minutes
to finish contouring--
I watched a YouTube tutorial.
Okay. Well, I mean,
our reservation's in 20 minutes,
so we should
probably leave...
now.
Okay, I'm rushing...
What's the place?
It's this swanky restaurant.
It's called Chryst-jal's.
I don't know if that's
pronounced right.
It's a soft-J.
Um, anyways,
critics are crazy about it.
But what about the people
who really matter?
Surely, you Yelped it.
Yeah. No, it's
four and a half stars,
which is basically
almost five,
and they say it's really...
romantic.
Can I see?
You wanna--
You wanna see the--?
Yeah.
Chryst-jal's
Yeah.
Oh, no.
That girl looks whack.
I don't want her to be there.
I may need you to just
find another restaurant.
Please.
N-- Now?
Yep, thanks so much.
Hey, so glad
you could make it.
Thanks, I have--
I brought you something.
Oh, you didn't
have to.
Oh, wow,
a half empty bottle.
Half full.
And in my belly.
[CHUCKLES]
Hey, thanks for
letting her come by.
Yeah.
Um, is she okay?
She seems wasted.
Yeah, I think
she's had a rough night.
And she called you?
Yeah, we're
really good friends.
I'm gonna
go get her some water.
[FUSION JAZZ MUSIC
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
This tastes watery.
Because it's water.
Hey, what happened?
Mm, I don't wanna talk
about it.
I just wanna hang out.
All right, well,
but I gotta put in
some more boyfriend time.
Okay, well,
then I will go mingle.
Um, oh, what's
with the sweater?
Hey, I'm Joanna.
ROB: Hey. Hey, I'm Rob.
Jessie.
Nice to meet you guys.
Hey, she's fine.
You won't even know
she's here.
Doctors, God.
The health care overseas
is so superior, don't you think?
Do I think that?
JESSIE:
No, I don't, actually.
[♪♪♪]
Where did you park?
Uh, down this way, a few blocks.
No, no, no, no, no.
My heels, they hurt.
Let's take an Uber.
Ah...
Okay, but we really can't miss
another reservation.
You know what, I have
this discount code with Lyft.
We'll just use that.
No, pink light-up mustaches?
Discounts? Vomit.
Heh, okay, we'll do a--
We'll do an Uber.
Okay, but I only do
Uber Black,
because of the water bottles
and the mints.
I have mints.
Nobody likes
your fruity mints.
You take that back.
Nope.
You just had one.
I didn't like it.
Heh.
Uber Black it is.
Oh, gosh, I just
dropped a contact.
Ugh. I need to go inside and pop
another one back in. Sorry.
Where is-- Wait, you told me
you got Lasik.
I could only afford one eye.
You know that teachers
are underpaid
and underappreciated, right?
Wait, what are you do--
It'll just take me
a couple minutes.
Our Uber driver's--
Like 30.
He's gonna be here in five min--
Thirty?
Subway sells them.
Okay...
A Philadelphia staple...
JOANNA: You're not getting this!
Time's a tickin', you guys!
[OVERLAPPING DIALOGUE]
...watercraft,
but it doesn't go in the water.
JOANNA:
Three, two, one...
[JOANNA MAKES BUZZER SOUND]
No, it-- It's food, sweetie.
God, it was hoagie ,
obviously.
ROB:
Oh, hoagie.
We'll get it next time.
You and Sarah.
JOANNA:
Good luck...
SARAH:
Let's do this.
SARAH:
It's an event that could happen.
SARAH: Biblical times.
PETER: Television.
No, it's the terrible movie.
Transformers?
Explosions, and a horrible song.
And that white guy,
he's older now--
You gotta be more specific,
Sarah, come on.
First movie that
ever made you cry.
Armageddon!
JOANNA: That's the one.
Mm! Yeah!
Whoo!
You guys are just
not good.
You're just not that good,
for doctors.
Like, it's pretty funny,
actually. Like...
Peter, quick sec, okay?
Everyone, cheers.
Cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers.
I think she's getting
a little out of hand.
Really? She's just
playing the game.
She's at a 10,
and everyone here's at a 4.
Right, I hear you.
Um, how about we switch games
and move on to your favorite?
Charades.
We'll have a fun night,
then we'll kick everyone out
so it's just you and me.
I'd like that.
JOANNA:
Peter, come back!
Peter!
Let's go.
[OVERLAPPING DIALOGUE]
PETER:
Man, here we go,
time for charades.
Nice.
Uh, I wanna go first.
I got this. Okay...
Wait...
What are, heh,
all these words? What?
We play
medical charades.
Oh, wow,
she's not kidding.
Okay, I'm gonna sit
this one out, heh.
I'll go.
Yeah, all right.
JOANNA: Scottay.
ROB: Here he goes.
Uh, okay, uh...
ROB: Cold or fever.
JOANNA: Laryngitis.
Typhoid fever!
In Latin?
Salmonella typhi.
MAN: Yes!
WOMAN 1: Wow!
WOMAN 2: Very nice.
Sweet.
Salmonella typhi.
That's, uh--
That was fun, everyone.
Latin charades.
But, um, how about
like a drinking game, you know?
Oh, I've got--
I gotta drive.
JOANNA:
You work so hard.
You know, you deserve this,
loosen up,
you're savin' lives,
like you earned it, yeah?
[TEPID OVERLAPPING RESPONSES]
JOANNA: Yeah?
Okay.
Yeah? All right, I got it.
Ahem. Okay, it'll be, uh,
Never Have I Ever.
MAN: Oh.
We will start with...
you.
Ah... Phrrm, okay.
Uh, let me think.
JESSIE:
Never have I ever...
gotten in
the 10 items only line
with an extra item.
[ALL CHUCKLE]
JOANNA: What?
JESSIE:
Oh, wow.
Wait, all of you? Really?
JOANNA: Mm-hm.
I'll go. All right.
Um, never have I ever...
done it on a plane.
Ohh...
[LAUGHS]
ALL [SURPRISED]:
Oh!
We've never had sex
on a plane.
It was before I met you.
What's that?
It was-- It was--
With who?
It's none of your
business. It's not--
What do you mean,
let's not make it my business?
Are you serious?
Can we talk about
this somewhere else?
Yeah, we will.
Like not here.
My turn.
Uh, never have I ever
had a few drinks
before operating.
[GROANS]
JOANNA: Wow, you guys are bad.
It was a tonsillectomy.
I could do it in my sleep.
JESSIE: You're gross.
ROB: And he probably has.
That's terrible.
That's so bad.
Okay. Mm...
Never have I ever...
had a guy pick me out
on a dating app,
who turned out to be
the sweetest, greatest boyfriend
I've ever had.
Aw.
Oh.
JESSIE: That was cute.
[♪♪♪]
[KISSES]
Hey, you're not supposed
to say something
that you've done.
Oops, I broke a rule, heh.
PETER:
It's okay, Joanna.
Okay, well, um, if that's
how we're playing, then...
Uh, never have I ever...
only been on horrible dates
since I've been back in L.A.
And, um, never have I ever...
regretted my decision
to come back home.
[GLASS SHATTERS]
[CROWD GASPS]
PETER: Dear God.
SARAH: Jesus.
[BOTTLE AND GLASS
THUMP ON TABLE]
Never have I ever
been so embarrassed
and felt like such an idiot.
Joanna--
Peter, you clean this up,
and I'll make sure she's not
breaking anything else.
[PETER SIGHS]
[SOBBING]
Oh, Sarah,
I'm so sorry.
I've been
such a mess tonight,
and now I'm breaking things.
And don't hate me.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
Why don't you tell me
what happened tonight, sweetie.
I just had
a nightmare of a date.
It's okay...
We've all had bad dates.
It wasn't
even really a date,
it's just been
sort of really,
crazy few months.
You know, Carl got engaged,
and Peter
and I made this pact
to get married.
What?
Oh, no, I'm--
Uh, we--
It was just, you know,
to get us back out there,
and it was a good thing.
Um, you know, like
we got on apps together,
and then
we switched accounts,
and I picked you,
and I went on this...
So Peter
didn't choose me?
I should've given
that Todd guy another chance.
I'm realizing
that was stupid.
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
Hey, how is she?
Oh, she's super great.
You guys have a pact
to get married?
What?
During her sob session
in my bedroom,
she said you have a plan
to get married.
Oh, and then she said
that you didn't even
pick me on the app.
She chose me?
Listen, the pact was
just a way for us
to get out there
and meet someone special.
And it worked,
I found you.
No. Joanna found me,
the girl you're supposed
to marry found me.
Maybe we shouldn't
talk about this right now.
My friends
have seen worse tonight.
I don't even know how
you're gonna get out
of this hole with a...
Whoa.
I've tried really hard.
Hey, look,
I put on this itchy sweater,
I made a dessert
that no one's gonna eat--
Hey, I think
I'm gonna go home.
Great. See ya.
I need to make sure
she gets home.
Fine, get her an Uber.
I'll just get my things.
How about this?
I'll take her home,
and-and-and you can
say goodbye to your friends,
and I'll come right back
and we can talk about it?
Oh, great.
I'll go tell my friends
that my boyfriend took the girl
he's supposed to marry home.
Why is this
such a big deal?
Because you're choosing
her over me.
I'm supposed
to be your girlfriend.
You are,
but she's an old friend.
That's all.
Then call her an Uber.
I'll kick my friends out,
and we can move on.
I'm gonna take her home,
and I'll come right back.
[♪♪♪]
[CLOSES DOOR]
Just one second.
Okay, Canter's Deli
is open--
that is, if the photos
meet your standards.
Yeah, I just--
I get really nervous
about how long they leave
their pickles out for.
Okay, what's
your deal, Chloe?
Wh-Why don't you want
to go on a date with me?
Because if we go
on a date,
then that means
I like you.
You like me?
Yeah.
And if we sit
across from each other
at a real restaurant,
like staring
into each other's
googly eyes,
it's like a real date, and that
scares the hell out of me.
Chloe, I--
I like you, too.
I got an idea.
PETER:
Okay, home sweet home.
All right...
All right.
Peter...
You're the best.
Hey,
let me get you
some water, okay?
Good night.
'Kay.
[OBJECT THUMPS, GLASS SHATTERS]
PETER:
Hey, what are you doing?
Getting rid of everything
that reminds me of Carl.
Carl? Your ex, Carl?
[JOANNA TALKING
TO HERSELF INDISTINCTLY]
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Did you see Carl today?
Yeah, he called
and wanted to meet up.
Oh, hey, hey, hey,
let's not burn anything in here.
Come on, hey, hey--
Hey!
Come on, come on.
Hey,
I don't want to be
the pact police
or anything, but...
I thought we weren't
gonna talk to our exes.
I mean, what--
What happened?
Why did you see Carl?
[♪♪♪]
Carl, he called me,
and I just,
I thought maybe
he still had feelings for me,
and I... just wanted
to feel wanted
by someone, you know?
It turns out that
it's not the case.
[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]
Oh, damn it.
I gotta take this,
it's Sarah.
Hey! I'm sorry,
I'm leavin' right now.
[♪♪♪]
MARK:
See, look, isn't this great?
We don't have
to look at each other
from across the table,
uh, because
there are no tables.
Bacon-wrapped
mystery meat
on the side
of a polluted road from a man--?
[SIGHS]
We don't know his credentials.
This is the most romantic thing
anybody's ever done for me.
I know,
I know how to pick 'em,
and this--
Oh, we're kissing? Okay.
Could I get two, please?
[♪♪♪]
Everything all right?
Looks like Sarah and I
are done.
[SIGHS]
This is all my fault.
I'm so sorry.
Don't worry.
I mean, it was
your fault, but...
Honestly, I had a feeling
we were over
by the time
we left her house.
[♪♪♪]
Yeah, you should try it.
It feels pretty good.
Come on.
I wish I could burn
my memories from tonight.
Did I really break that vase?
That wasn't a dream?
Oh yeah, you broke it.
Probably would've been
more of a nightmare.
Well, cut me some slack.
Like, not only did that
whole thing happen with Carl,
but then he asked me
to sing at his wedding.
What did you say?
I said yes. I don't know
what I was thinking, but...
I re-- I don't know
if I can do it.
You know,
part of the whole pact
is to, like, help each other out
with this stuff.
[SCOFFS]
No, no...
Come on, Peter, we're both
back at square one now.
There's gonna be lots
of single people...
It's like a good place
to meet someone.
I don't know, Joanna, just...
Look, it would
really mean a lot to me.
[♪♪♪]
♪ Come on, baby
It's your typical every day ♪
Goodbye, Calculus.
[PEOPLE CHEERING]
I don't need you any more.
Never did, never will.
It feels so good
to purge.
Try it.
Come on...
What are you holding onto?
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Sophomore year Home Ec?
You need that?
Yeah. This has the world famous
blueberry crumble recipe.
And you never know
when you might need
a delicious
blueberry crumble.
Two pints blueberry,
one cup flour--
Three cups of sugar?
Oh, no wonder it tasted
so perfect.
[♪♪♪]
Okay, sir, we'll have
your order out by Monday.
Thank you.
Can you please talk
to Mom and Dad?
They won't stop texting me about
how you're not
going to dinner tonight.
Uh, well,
I'm helping Sarah out.
She's having a dinner party,
and I'm meeting her friends.
And you made that?
Hey, relax.
They'll love it.
Better hope so.
These are the people you'll
be going to brunch with,
watching bad reality TV with,
be on-- ooh--
group email chains with.
How's your reply-all game?
Really strong.
Good, because Dr. Sarah
is way out of your league.
Hey, we're firmly
in the same league.
Mm, you work for your parents
making children's jerseys,
she works for a hospital
saving children's lives.
Better bring your A game.
Oh, you look nice.
You have a date?
Ah, no.
I am just getting drinks
with a friend.
Heh, okay.
Well, that's
a pretty hot dress,
so it must be
a pretty lucky friend.
Um, it's-it's Carl.
Carl?
Yeah...
Carl, like your ex, Carl?
Like who's marrying
your super good friend, Carl?
That Carl?
Yes.
Well, whose idea was this?
What do you think he wants?
I don't know, he called
and it was very vague,
but he just said he wanted
to talk about some things, so...
A guy calls up his ex
right before his wedding?
Yeah, I think we know
how this story ends.
Come on, no, I'm still
friends with Allison.
Oh, my God, what if
he and Allison broke up
and that's why
he wants to meet up?
What would you do then?
Then? I don't know.
Okay, well, are you
gonna wear false lashes?
What does that
have to do with anything?
Fake lashes send a message,
it says,
I'm down if you're down.
That's what one of the blonde
twins on The Bachelor says.
I'll be back by 10.
'Kay.
I'll try not to interrupt
pizza and chill with Mark.
Oh, don't worry about it.
Pizza and chill turned into
like an I'll pick you up
at eight thing, so...
Whoa, a date.
No, it's not a date.
I don't date.
Okay, well, I think that's--
I think it's cool.
He clearly really likes you.
Well, regardless,
this isn't a date.
It doesn't matter how he feels.
Have fun on your date.
I'll see you later.
Joanna, that is very rude.
This is not a date.
Yo.
Yo!
You're nice and early.
You look beautiful.
Mm, thank you.
Ah, what's this?
Rhinorrhea?
Runny nose in Latin.
They're for charades tonight.
Ohh, nerd alert.
Excuse me, mister.
You are dating a nerd,
a competitive one.
And charades is my jam, so
I expect us to win big tonight.
So don't embarrass us.
Oh-ho, I did not come here
to make friends.
I mean, I did come here
to make friends,
but we will destroy anyone
who tries to stop us.
Yeah.
And then
we'll make them eat
my legendary blueberry crumble.
Aw, thank you.
Don't be offended, but all
my friends eat really clean.
No sugar, no carbs, really.
So... I'll just...
put this in the fridge.
Okay.
So tonight's all doctors?
Yeah, most of my friends
are from the hospital.
Am I underdressed?
Actually, remember that store
we passed on La Brea?
Oh...
Ta-da!
Hey, you didn't have
to do that.
Well, I saw it, and thought
it would look great
on that hot bod.
Oh, this hot bod?
Mm-hm, that's the one. Heh.
Wow...
I have to set up still,
but, um, if you wanna wear
that sweater, totally cool.
You want me to wear
this sweater tonight?
I'm so glad
you picked up on that.
[♪♪♪]
Heh, hey!
Hey, you!
Oh, it's been a while.
Oh, I know, I'm sorry
we haven't talked
in a long time.
Yeah.
So...
How have you been?
Good. Um, you know,
I just, I needed a break,
so I moved back here.
You know, I just got
a great apartment.
Oh, that's great.
Just kinda
tryin' to figure out
what's next.
Thanks for callin' me back.
Yeah.
Uh, I know I was pretty vague
over the phone,
but it was important,
and, you know,
we wanted to ask you
this question in person.
Me?
Jojo?
Oh, my God!
So sorry I'm late.
Wow, it's good to see you.
Oh, I love the lashes.
Oh, hi.
Hi.
Wow, I-- I didn't know
you were coming.
Oh, wedding plan stuff,
you know.
Yeah.
So did you ask her yet?
I was just about to.
Oh. Ask-ask me what?
Well, since
you introduced us,
we were wondering if you
would sing at our wedding?
Wow.
Please say yes.
Wow, I--
You know, I've never
sung at a wedding before.
But you're so good.
I remember those karaoke
nights in Singapore.
I don't-- I don't know.
Please. I mean,
it would really mean
a lot to us.
So much.
Okay? Okay, yeah.
Really? Yes? Oh, you're
gonna be so amazing.
What, well, let's toast.
Get some champagne, right?
Great.
CARL:
How was the cake tasting,
by the way?
They're gonna love you.
Just be yourself,
don't talk politics, and ask
about work, they love that.
It's starting
to feel like a test.
Relax, I just want it
to go well.
Hey, and later tonight,
I say we dominate them
in flip cup.
It's not that kind
of party, Peter.
Oh.
Hey, come meet my co-worker
Jessie and her husband Rob.
Okay.
Hey, guys.
ROB: Yo.
JESSIE: Hi.
This is Peter, my boyfriend.
Hi, Peter, I'm Jessie.
This is my husband Rob.
How are ya?
Nice to meet you guys.
Nice to meet you too.
Jessie and Rob
just had a baby.
Oh, that's so great.
Boy or a girl?
Oh, we're gonna let him
or her decide.
Yeah, it's
the right thing to do.
Obviously.
Wow, so doctors
and parents?
How do you do it?
They're my heroes.
Oh, heh.
A lot of teamwork
and a lot of coffee.
Coffee,
so much coffee.
[POLITE LAUGHTER]
ROB:
How about you, Peter?
Oh, I'm in
the family business.
Yeah. Printing for apparel,
printing on apparels.
Fashion,
that's super exciting.
Mm-hm.
Uh, heh, it's not
the fashion you're thinking.
Oh, Peter's
being modest.
He actually
runs his own company,
and has a lot
of great clients.
It's actually
my parents' company.
Well, we're gonna
go get refills.
Okay.
Why did you
undersell yourself?
Well, it's not like
we're Versace.
I mean, our last clients
was the Toluca Lake
Fighting Scorpions,
and I don't think an under-7
soccer team is that impressive.
Not when you say it
like that.
How would you say it?
I do the apparel branding
for L.A. sports teams.
That does sound better.
[CHUCKLES]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I'll go get that.
Be right back.
Okay.
[SIGHS]
Hey, fellas, how you doin'?
How's it goin'?
Good, good.
Yeah, I was
just congratulating Mike
on his new fellowship.
Yeah.
Neurovascular surgery
is a bitch.
[ALL CHUCKLE]
Pediatric cardiovascular's
a little bit tougher.
Ooh.
Is that,
like, tiny hearts?
Sick tiny hearts.
Oh, excuse me.
Hey, Jo, what's up?
JOANNA [ON PHONE]:
Um, been kind of a weird day.
Can you meet me for a drink?
I wish, but I'm
at Sarah's with her friends.
Oh, I'm sorry
to bother you.
No, please bother me.
I can't talk about
any more tiny sick hearts.
Tell me about it.
Hey, why don't you
come over here?
[♪♪♪]
[SHUDDERS]
Wow.
You look hot.
Thank you so much.
That's for you.
That's from my front yard?
Oh, no, why would you--
Yes, it is actually.
You have very thorny bushes
out there, so...
Okay, thanks. Well, I just
need a couple minutes
to finish contouring--
I watched a YouTube tutorial.
Okay. Well, I mean,
our reservation's in 20 minutes,
so we should
probably leave...
now.
Okay, I'm rushing...
What's the place?
It's this swanky restaurant.
It's called Chryst-jal's.
I don't know if that's
pronounced right.
It's a soft-J.
Um, anyways,
critics are crazy about it.
But what about the people
who really matter?
Surely, you Yelped it.
Yeah. No, it's
four and a half stars,
which is basically
almost five,
and they say it's really...
romantic.
Can I see?
You wanna--
You wanna see the--?
Yeah.
Chryst-jal's
Yeah.
Oh, no.
That girl looks whack.
I don't want her to be there.
I may need you to just
find another restaurant.
Please.
N-- Now?
Yep, thanks so much.
Hey, so glad
you could make it.
Thanks, I have--
I brought you something.
Oh, you didn't
have to.
Oh, wow,
a half empty bottle.
Half full.
And in my belly.
[CHUCKLES]
Hey, thanks for
letting her come by.
Yeah.
Um, is she okay?
She seems wasted.
Yeah, I think
she's had a rough night.
And she called you?
Yeah, we're
really good friends.
I'm gonna
go get her some water.
[FUSION JAZZ MUSIC
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
This tastes watery.
Because it's water.
Hey, what happened?
Mm, I don't wanna talk
about it.
I just wanna hang out.
All right, well,
but I gotta put in
some more boyfriend time.
Okay, well,
then I will go mingle.
Um, oh, what's
with the sweater?
Hey, I'm Joanna.
ROB: Hey. Hey, I'm Rob.
Jessie.
Nice to meet you guys.
Hey, she's fine.
You won't even know
she's here.
Doctors, God.
The health care overseas
is so superior, don't you think?
Do I think that?
JESSIE:
No, I don't, actually.
[♪♪♪]
Where did you park?
Uh, down this way, a few blocks.
No, no, no, no, no.
My heels, they hurt.
Let's take an Uber.
Ah...
Okay, but we really can't miss
another reservation.
You know what, I have
this discount code with Lyft.
We'll just use that.
No, pink light-up mustaches?
Discounts? Vomit.
Heh, okay, we'll do a--
We'll do an Uber.
Okay, but I only do
Uber Black,
because of the water bottles
and the mints.
I have mints.
Nobody likes
your fruity mints.
You take that back.
Nope.
You just had one.
I didn't like it.
Heh.
Uber Black it is.
Oh, gosh, I just
dropped a contact.
Ugh. I need to go inside and pop
another one back in. Sorry.
Where is-- Wait, you told me
you got Lasik.
I could only afford one eye.
You know that teachers
are underpaid
and underappreciated, right?
Wait, what are you do--
It'll just take me
a couple minutes.
Our Uber driver's--
Like 30.
He's gonna be here in five min--
Thirty?
Subway sells them.
Okay...
A Philadelphia staple...
JOANNA: You're not getting this!
Time's a tickin', you guys!
[OVERLAPPING DIALOGUE]
...watercraft,
but it doesn't go in the water.
JOANNA:
Three, two, one...
[JOANNA MAKES BUZZER SOUND]
No, it-- It's food, sweetie.
God, it was hoagie ,
obviously.
ROB:
Oh, hoagie.
We'll get it next time.
You and Sarah.
JOANNA:
Good luck...
SARAH:
Let's do this.
SARAH:
It's an event that could happen.
SARAH: Biblical times.
PETER: Television.
No, it's the terrible movie.
Transformers?
Explosions, and a horrible song.
And that white guy,
he's older now--
You gotta be more specific,
Sarah, come on.
First movie that
ever made you cry.
Armageddon!
JOANNA: That's the one.
Mm! Yeah!
Whoo!
You guys are just
not good.
You're just not that good,
for doctors.
Like, it's pretty funny,
actually. Like...
Peter, quick sec, okay?
Everyone, cheers.
Cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers.
I think she's getting
a little out of hand.
Really? She's just
playing the game.
She's at a 10,
and everyone here's at a 4.
Right, I hear you.
Um, how about we switch games
and move on to your favorite?
Charades.
We'll have a fun night,
then we'll kick everyone out
so it's just you and me.
I'd like that.
JOANNA:
Peter, come back!
Peter!
Let's go.
[OVERLAPPING DIALOGUE]
PETER:
Man, here we go,
time for charades.
Nice.
Uh, I wanna go first.
I got this. Okay...
Wait...
What are, heh,
all these words? What?
We play
medical charades.
Oh, wow,
she's not kidding.
Okay, I'm gonna sit
this one out, heh.
I'll go.
Yeah, all right.
JOANNA: Scottay.
ROB: Here he goes.
Uh, okay, uh...
ROB: Cold or fever.
JOANNA: Laryngitis.
Typhoid fever!
In Latin?
Salmonella typhi.
MAN: Yes!
WOMAN 1: Wow!
WOMAN 2: Very nice.
Sweet.
Salmonella typhi.
That's, uh--
That was fun, everyone.
Latin charades.
But, um, how about
like a drinking game, you know?
Oh, I've got--
I gotta drive.
JOANNA:
You work so hard.
You know, you deserve this,
loosen up,
you're savin' lives,
like you earned it, yeah?
[TEPID OVERLAPPING RESPONSES]
JOANNA: Yeah?
Okay.
Yeah? All right, I got it.
Ahem. Okay, it'll be, uh,
Never Have I Ever.
MAN: Oh.
We will start with...
you.
Ah... Phrrm, okay.
Uh, let me think.
JESSIE:
Never have I ever...
gotten in
the 10 items only line
with an extra item.
[ALL CHUCKLE]
JOANNA: What?
JESSIE:
Oh, wow.
Wait, all of you? Really?
JOANNA: Mm-hm.
I'll go. All right.
Um, never have I ever...
done it on a plane.
Ohh...
[LAUGHS]
ALL [SURPRISED]:
Oh!
We've never had sex
on a plane.
It was before I met you.
What's that?
It was-- It was--
With who?
It's none of your
business. It's not--
What do you mean,
let's not make it my business?
Are you serious?
Can we talk about
this somewhere else?
Yeah, we will.
Like not here.
My turn.
Uh, never have I ever
had a few drinks
before operating.
[GROANS]
JOANNA: Wow, you guys are bad.
It was a tonsillectomy.
I could do it in my sleep.
JESSIE: You're gross.
ROB: And he probably has.
That's terrible.
That's so bad.
Okay. Mm...
Never have I ever...
had a guy pick me out
on a dating app,
who turned out to be
the sweetest, greatest boyfriend
I've ever had.
Aw.
Oh.
JESSIE: That was cute.
[♪♪♪]
[KISSES]
Hey, you're not supposed
to say something
that you've done.
Oops, I broke a rule, heh.
PETER:
It's okay, Joanna.
Okay, well, um, if that's
how we're playing, then...
Uh, never have I ever...
only been on horrible dates
since I've been back in L.A.
And, um, never have I ever...
regretted my decision
to come back home.
[GLASS SHATTERS]
[CROWD GASPS]
PETER: Dear God.
SARAH: Jesus.
[BOTTLE AND GLASS
THUMP ON TABLE]
Never have I ever
been so embarrassed
and felt like such an idiot.
Joanna--
Peter, you clean this up,
and I'll make sure she's not
breaking anything else.
[PETER SIGHS]
[SOBBING]
Oh, Sarah,
I'm so sorry.
I've been
such a mess tonight,
and now I'm breaking things.
And don't hate me.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
Why don't you tell me
what happened tonight, sweetie.
I just had
a nightmare of a date.
It's okay...
We've all had bad dates.
It wasn't
even really a date,
it's just been
sort of really,
crazy few months.
You know, Carl got engaged,
and Peter
and I made this pact
to get married.
What?
Oh, no, I'm--
Uh, we--
It was just, you know,
to get us back out there,
and it was a good thing.
Um, you know, like
we got on apps together,
and then
we switched accounts,
and I picked you,
and I went on this...
So Peter
didn't choose me?
I should've given
that Todd guy another chance.
I'm realizing
that was stupid.
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
Hey, how is she?
Oh, she's super great.
You guys have a pact
to get married?
What?
During her sob session
in my bedroom,
she said you have a plan
to get married.
Oh, and then she said
that you didn't even
pick me on the app.
She chose me?
Listen, the pact was
just a way for us
to get out there
and meet someone special.
And it worked,
I found you.
No. Joanna found me,
the girl you're supposed
to marry found me.
Maybe we shouldn't
talk about this right now.
My friends
have seen worse tonight.
I don't even know how
you're gonna get out
of this hole with a...
Whoa.
I've tried really hard.
Hey, look,
I put on this itchy sweater,
I made a dessert
that no one's gonna eat--
Hey, I think
I'm gonna go home.
Great. See ya.
I need to make sure
she gets home.
Fine, get her an Uber.
I'll just get my things.
How about this?
I'll take her home,
and-and-and you can
say goodbye to your friends,
and I'll come right back
and we can talk about it?
Oh, great.
I'll go tell my friends
that my boyfriend took the girl
he's supposed to marry home.
Why is this
such a big deal?
Because you're choosing
her over me.
I'm supposed
to be your girlfriend.
You are,
but she's an old friend.
That's all.
Then call her an Uber.
I'll kick my friends out,
and we can move on.
I'm gonna take her home,
and I'll come right back.
[♪♪♪]
[CLOSES DOOR]
Just one second.
Okay, Canter's Deli
is open--
that is, if the photos
meet your standards.
Yeah, I just--
I get really nervous
about how long they leave
their pickles out for.
Okay, what's
your deal, Chloe?
Wh-Why don't you want
to go on a date with me?
Because if we go
on a date,
then that means
I like you.
You like me?
Yeah.
And if we sit
across from each other
at a real restaurant,
like staring
into each other's
googly eyes,
it's like a real date, and that
scares the hell out of me.
Chloe, I--
I like you, too.
I got an idea.
PETER:
Okay, home sweet home.
All right...
All right.
Peter...
You're the best.
Hey,
let me get you
some water, okay?
Good night.
'Kay.
[OBJECT THUMPS, GLASS SHATTERS]
PETER:
Hey, what are you doing?
Getting rid of everything
that reminds me of Carl.
Carl? Your ex, Carl?
[JOANNA TALKING
TO HERSELF INDISTINCTLY]
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Did you see Carl today?
Yeah, he called
and wanted to meet up.
Oh, hey, hey, hey,
let's not burn anything in here.
Come on, hey, hey--
Hey!
Come on, come on.
Hey,
I don't want to be
the pact police
or anything, but...
I thought we weren't
gonna talk to our exes.
I mean, what--
What happened?
Why did you see Carl?
[♪♪♪]
Carl, he called me,
and I just,
I thought maybe
he still had feelings for me,
and I... just wanted
to feel wanted
by someone, you know?
It turns out that
it's not the case.
[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]
Oh, damn it.
I gotta take this,
it's Sarah.
Hey! I'm sorry,
I'm leavin' right now.
[♪♪♪]
MARK:
See, look, isn't this great?
We don't have
to look at each other
from across the table,
uh, because
there are no tables.
Bacon-wrapped
mystery meat
on the side
of a polluted road from a man--?
[SIGHS]
We don't know his credentials.
This is the most romantic thing
anybody's ever done for me.
I know,
I know how to pick 'em,
and this--
Oh, we're kissing? Okay.
Could I get two, please?
[♪♪♪]
Everything all right?
Looks like Sarah and I
are done.
[SIGHS]
This is all my fault.
I'm so sorry.
Don't worry.
I mean, it was
your fault, but...
Honestly, I had a feeling
we were over
by the time
we left her house.
[♪♪♪]
Yeah, you should try it.
It feels pretty good.
Come on.
I wish I could burn
my memories from tonight.
Did I really break that vase?
That wasn't a dream?
Oh yeah, you broke it.
Probably would've been
more of a nightmare.
Well, cut me some slack.
Like, not only did that
whole thing happen with Carl,
but then he asked me
to sing at his wedding.
What did you say?
I said yes. I don't know
what I was thinking, but...
I re-- I don't know
if I can do it.
You know,
part of the whole pact
is to, like, help each other out
with this stuff.
[SCOFFS]
No, no...
Come on, Peter, we're both
back at square one now.
There's gonna be lots
of single people...
It's like a good place
to meet someone.
I don't know, Joanna, just...
Look, it would
really mean a lot to me.
[♪♪♪]