Single Drunk Female (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - James - full transcript

Hey! Big dog's here.

- Hey, James. - Hello!
- What's up?

What's up, how's it going?

Uh, sorry, I just got, you know,

s... uh, stuck at work.

Yeah, yeah, my boy James here

has an important new job
down at the MIT Media Lab.

Oh! Soon we'll all be working
for James, someday.

Um, more important:

Is he single?

Yes he is.



And Lucas is, too.
He was just promoted

at his job to manager
at the cell phone store.

Biggest cell phone store
at the mall.

Look, I don't want to brag.

Um, hey, buddy.
You had to work on Thanksgiving?

- Yeah. You know how it is.
- Do I?

No, I guess I'm-I'm surprised

you know, the lab
was open today.

Great. Well, uh, I guess
we can eat now, right?

The prodigal son hath returned.

Son, hey.
Now, we got to say grace first.

Um, all right, check it out,
everybody,

Annalisa and I are honored
that you, uh, graced us

with your presence.
Now, typically,



I say the grace,
but this year,

my successful second-born son

will carry on that tradition.

Not that...
Uh, hey, 'cause

-I'm proud of Lucas, too. I mean, we both are.
-Sure.

- Of course, honey, you're...
- Dad, I-I'm begging you to stop.

- Hey, I see that frown.
- Yeah.

Turn it upside down.

I'm just saying that, you know,

God has blessed James

- Hallelujah.
- This year with that

new coding job, I just think
he should do the honors.

- I agree.
- James.

James.

James.

Now-now?
Yep, great.

Grace.
Right, grace.

- Okay.
- Everyone, stand. Thank you.

Stop.

Buddy. Okay.

-Jesus. My boy,
-Jesus.

My guy, um...

thank you so much for this,

you know, this feast of kings.

- Mm, mm, mm.
- Mm!

Y... 'Cause we're kings.

- Yes.
- Each and every one of us.

We're kings.
And, uh, Jesus,

you know, your shit is...

- shit.
- You know what? Amen.

- Amen.
- Can I talk to you for a second?

All right. Okay. This way.

Amen.

What are you doing?

Praying.
Sorry for loving the Lord.

- You're drunk.
- You're drunk.

Oh, my God. Like,
I knew you drank, but today?

Thanksgiving,
my favorite holiday,

with all of
our relatives around?

Relax.
I had, uh, dental surgery.

I can see the flask
in your pocket.

I apologize
for being a good time.

Okay, you know what,
you go lie down

and I'll tell them
you're sick, and then

me and you are gonna talk

- when you sober up.
- Oh, my...

- no one can tell.
- I... Relax.

Brother Dad.

- Glad you guys like everything.
- Hey.

Hey, every... Oh, sorry.

So lovely, hon.

Hello.
Hey, everybody, hello.

Dig in. Let's start
with this leg.

He's drunk.

No... Wait.

No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no...

That cannot be true.

No one in this family drinks.

Okay. I am...

- intervening.
- Wait, what?

It's like the-the show...
Intervention, you know?

No, I don't.

So, on that show,

everyone tells
the person who's drinking

how it's affected their life

and then that person stops.

Hey, James.
Uh,

you drink all the time.

Lucas, James cannot drink
and keep a job like this.

- Mm.
- Yes...

Lucas.

I mean, look at James...
He's fine,

- He's just a little tired, you know?
- Yeah.

He's been working really hard
at his new job.

Don't... don't listen to him.
He's...

high.

What?! No, I'm not.
I don't smoke.

- Are you sure?
- I-I'm not...

- You smoke so much.
- Look at him!

He can't even sit up straight.

- Come on. - Hey, let's eat.
- Oh, I love it.

Why don't we start
by just saying

- what we're thankful for?
- Okay.

I'm thankful that
James didn't die

in that car accident

- where he was drunk driving.
- I'll...

- I'll be-I'll be right back.
- James, James, don't...

- Sit down, James.
- You're not going anywhere.

- I want you to talk to me.
- James, baby, sit back down.

- Hey. Boys.
- George?

- Boys! - Boys.
- George.

- Dude. - Hey, stop!
- Wait...

Get off!

"Uptown Girl" by The Beths
playing...

♪ I feel it happening... ♪

Another one?

Yesiree.

Giving you happy hour prices on
that one 'cause of Thanksgiving.

Oh, have I mentioned
that I love you, Ronnie?

-You have, you have. So many times,
-Mm-hmm.

All right?

♪ I thought
we were friendly... ♪

He has arrived.

♪ You had always been someone ♪

♪ I'd take a hit for ♪

Who's this bozo?

I've never seen him
in my life.

Nurse.

May I have some
medical assistance,

- please.
- Yes?

- I'll have a piña colada.
- Yeah,

we're not a blender
type of establishment.

Well, then I'll have
a piña colada neat, then.

Okay.

Hey. You want one?

It's on your boy.

A milkshake? No thanks.

Okay. Barkeep, did you know that
this woman hates free things?

Come on, it's not
technically free.

I'd feel like
I owe you something,

like, even a smile,

and I don't
want to do that, so...

no.

Ah. Thank you very much.

Oh! My God, that's good.

You, sir... you got

a great future ahead of you,
did you know that?

Oh!

Yeah.

Yeah.

♪ I'm just a bachelor... ♪

You got to respect
the commitment,

but I don't want to watch this
anymore. Hey, bud.

Smile, let me buy you a drink.

♪ Who knows how to ride... ♪

Let me guess.
Cosmo.

Espresso martini, thank you.

Ugh. Hey, Ronnie,
will you please get a drink

for me and my friend...

- Uh, James.
- ...James

here a, uh...
What do you want?

An espresso martini, please.
And thank you...

Oh, Katrina.

Oh, like the hurricane.

Yeah. Well,
happy goddamn Thanksgiving,

- James.
- Uh, y... yeah.

- And to you, good sir.
- Mm-hmm.

♪ Waitin', come and... ♪

- Listen.
- What?

Just because
you bought me a drink

doesn't mean that
you can take advantage of me.

What kind of monster
do you think I am?

"Connection" by Elastica
playing...

Oh! Wait, wait, wait.
You're very drunk,

so I just want to make sure
I have your consent.

- Oh, no, you got it.
- Okay.

Do I have yours?

Oh, yeah.
I'm not even that drunk, so...

Okay.

Okay, okay, wait.
What if we did, like, a vow?

- You mean like praying?
- No, not like a prayer.

Repeat after me:

I, Katerina,
do consent to one James

in front of God
and everyone here

forever and ever
in perpetuity.

That sounds a lot like
a prayer, man.

Here we go.
I, Katrina, vow to G...

to God and the...
I say yes to the dress. Amen.

Yes.

Onward, Christian soldier.

- That was fun.
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was my
first time doing that, so...

Yeah, yeah, same.
Obviously.

Hey, listen,
I'm gonna go out first.

You have to wait a second
so no one notices.

Ronnie!

This was on the floor
when I got in there.

Can you believe that?
I mean,

you got to tighten up
your shit, man.

- That's embarrassing for you.
- Oh, yeah.

No, I-I...
I'll get on those apps

and, uh, code away, man.
I got you.

- Hey.
- Mm.

I thought you went home.

I was looking all over for you.

I'm sorry, Sam, you got to go.

- Huh?
- You have to go.

I have told you multiple times

not to fornicate in my bathroom,
all right?

It violates health code.
Mark

just pissed in a corner.
You got to go.

- No...
We were just vaping.
-I have

no idea what
you're talking about.

- God, get out.
- You know what?

This is bullshit, Ronnie.

I'm gonna find a new local,

- All right?
- Okay.

- See you tomorrow.
- Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow, Ron!

Hey, you are
a little liar, Katrina.

Oh, sorry, okay? I didn't want
to be traceable, you know?

I didn't know if you were
a creep. Safety first.

- I still might be a creep.
- Are you?

- Nah.
- Whew.

You know what,

- this is better than a bar.
- Right? Right?

We're outside, we got
fresh air, it's beautiful out.

- I miss the bar.
- Ugh! Me too!

- I miss it so much.
- God, what do people do on walks?

I hate walking. It's like,

why do you even have to work out
to stay in shape?

Like, why can't I just be fit?

- I just want to be in shape so bad.
- Yeah. Right. Totally agree.

Uh, we have a lot in common.

Yeah, we really do.

Do you have to
be anywhere, like,

for-for Thanksgiving
or anything like that?

It's not even dark out.
I'm good.

So, what brought you out
in the first place, anyway?

I am celebrating the great day
I had with my family.

- Mm.
- Doesn't everybody do that?

I have no idea,
I haven't seen my family yet.

I took the train from New York
and went straight to the bar

and I pregamed.

- Always a very good idea with my mother.
- Yeah.

Do you know what time it is?

- No. Oh.
- Aw. Mm-hmm.

- She is gonna be so pissed at me.
- Yeah, she is.

She can add it
to the list of things

she's already
mad at me for.

- Ooh!
- If you could make money

from pissing off your parents,
I would

- be very rich.
- Oh.

- You should look into the chosen family thing.
- Oh, yeah.

Yeah.
That's probably my next move.

Actually, I think
your next move should be

- going home, because I am a monster.
- Mm. No.

I got kicked out of my family

the day of Thanksgiving.

So, we can be monsters together.

- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.

- It's our turn. Yep.
- It's our turn, it's our turn.

Hi, good evening.

I would love
a cheeseburger with fries

and a Coke and a shake
and an ice cream sundae.

Thank you so much.

And I'll have
everything that she had,

but just with,
like, one more.

Respect.

- Right?
- I can't serve you

without a car.

You can't... You...
We-we can't walk up?

- Hence the name "drive-through."
- Never doing it.

Oh, I'm so sorry for the
confusion. We arein a car.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we are. Um,

- turn on the radio, sweetheart.
- Oh, you've got it, honey bear.

- I'd love to turn on the radio.
- Boop, boop.

And the Lord said...

That Jesus,

he was, uh, his only son

of me and my wife and...

- Different channel.
- They just... Okay.

And this is, uh,

1450 Real Talk radio.

Ooh.

- Vroom, vroom, vroom.
- Vroom, vroom.

Did you get that order, ma'am?

I can literally
see you on the camera.

- I need you to leave right now.
- What?

Don't make me call whoever
you call in this situation.

Okay, ok-okay... get me...

It's Thanksgiving,
you assholes!

Oh, you are a genius.

Was that the best meal
you've ever had?

- Oh, my God, it's a feast.
- Mmm.

- Mmm.
- Oh,

- should we say what we're thankful for?
- Uh,

okay. I'm thankful I don't
live in this shit town anymore.

Ouch.
I still live here.

Oh, yeah?
Fight me.

No, I got a new job.
It's in coding.

- Sure. Don't know what that means.
- Doesn't matter,

because I got a big promotion.

- Wow. Congratulations.
- Ah.

And you even like it.
Hot twist.

- I like that I got it, I don't
know if I like doing it yet.
- Ugh.

- Now, that I can get behind. I hate work.
- Mm.

Okay, no, I don't hate it.

It's just, I got thrown
into the deep end.

It's kinda depressing,
obsessing over this thing,

you know, you go out,
you get it,

and it's too much.

I'm definitely
gonna screw it up.

No, you're not, come on.

It sounds like you just
have imposter syndrome.

Hey, I thought
I had that, but then

it turns out that
I was right about everything

I thought I couldn't do, which is everything.

- No way.
- Uh-huh. Seriously,

I get in trouble,
like, all the time.

I feel like a preschooler,
I get scolded a lot. Like,

they're always like,
"You're a mess"

or "you're rude
to your co-workers"

No, no, I don't buy it.

- You're not like that.
- Well... no, I know

it seems like I have
my shit together but, like,

I do do those things.

All the time, and I-I honestly,
like, don't even know why.

I think that, um,
I may be just an asshole,

you know, like, genetically.

That was romantic.

Yeah, well, I'm very romantic.

Ask anybody.

Oh.

- Yeah. Are we in Before Sunrise?
- Yeah.

You know what, we could, like,
not exchange info and then

just meet at Good Time Sally's
again next Thanksgiving.

- Yes.
- Yeah.

- I love that idea.
- Mm-hmm.

Maybe we do it every year.

Well, I don't know,
let's see how the rest

of the night goes first.
But, so far, A-plus date.

So this is a date now?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- It's longer than most dates I've had.
- Okay.

- What are you doing?
- I got it, it's okay.

Come on, come on,
come on, come on.

- Shh, shh. - Oh... Okay...
- Hey!

- What?
- Are you joking with me right now?

No, no, listen, listen, listen,
I'm only back because

- I forgot my bag.
- As God is my witness,

- she left her bag.
- But hear me out, okay?

'Cause we're already here,
so, like, maybe we just

- have one drink? Come on.
- No.

Oh...

Come here, man.

-Listen, help me out, please. I mean,
-Please.

This girl's amazing,
and she deserves

a really good Thanksgiving.

- One drink.
- Yes!

Stay out of the bathroom.

Yeah, you know, Thanksgiving
used to be fun at my house,

'cause we'd have, like,
a lot of family over

and my mom and I could sit
several seats apart, and it...

it was normal-ish, you know?

I used to call it
"fooling the public."

But now it's just us,
and last year was brutal.

- It was brutal.
- Okay.

But this Thanksgiving...

Like, the one I just had today...

- Was the worst.
- No, no, no.

Picture my mom... amom...

Sitting up all night,

waiting for me to come home.

That's awful.
That is pretty bad.

- Thank you.
I know, it's so bad.
-It is.

Okay, but my family
probably spent

the entire night
worrying about me.

Why?
You seem so great.

I... I don't know.

My job. My drinking.
Name it.

Yeah, but you've got a great
job, you don't drink that much.

You can't have a job like that
if you're a drunk.

Yeah.

- Uh, maybe.
- Take my word for it. I've got, like,

a big job, all things
considered, and I'm thriving.

Closing!
You don't have to go home...

- But we can't stay here.
- Oh. Wait.

No.

Oh, yes.

No, come on,
one more drink, Ronnie.

No. First of all,
it's Massachusetts state law,

and secondly,
you've had enough to drink.

Please.

I could drive a school bus.

And that, my friend,

is why I bought the mints
and the...

- the toothbrush. And the gum.
- Mm.

I think you might be, like,

my personal guru.

See, I'd join your cult.

- I would be such a good cult leader.
- Mm.

No, seriously, I think about it,
like, all the time.

'Cause those things
dissolve into murder

and money laundering,

but it doesn't have to.

Why can't we just

live off the land
and have all the sex?

And it'd be so fun.

All right, we can be
the one good-guy cult,

with all the good
of the cult but without, like,

the legal mess and whatnot.

- Yeah, yeah.
- I'm 100% in and I think

we would make bank.

Okay, so what's next?
Maybe we go to Fenway.

- Break in there?
- Uh-uh. I'm getting tired.

- Or, like, a roller skate or something like...
- Okay, hang on a second.

I think you're trying to
trick me into exercise again.

Oh, ha. Gross.

I didn't even mean to.

Oh, God, it's so late.

Uh, actually,
I kinda think that, like...

I should go home.

Oh, no. No way.
Come o... We...

It's not even light out.

Right?
Like, we just got here.

- Come...
- Where?

Right here. Y...

Where we're, uh, standing.

Uh...

Uh, come on, come on, come on.
We've had such a great night.

Like, it can't end here.

I don't... I don't know.

Please, please.
I really...

I can't go home.

I know... what if we just
walked into the street,

waited for a car to come,

and then just got out of the way
right before it came?

-Yeah. Yeah. For real,
-Like in The Notebook.

- Can you imagine?
- Yeah. Yeah. Come on, it'll be fun.

No, dude, that's, like,
a really bad idea, okay?

-No, no. You're being
-Why don't we do something like

- a spoilsport.
- Jump off a bridge?

Dude, dude!

What are you doing?!

- What is wrong with you?
- You don't want to try it?

No, I don't want to try it.
I don't have a death wish.

- I-It's not like that.
- That was insane.

Do you know how insane that is?

No, I don't...

I-I don't even know.

- Okay.
- Uh...

I'm sorry.
We were having such a nice time,

- Yeah, it's okay.
- That...

No, it really isn't.

No, it's not, actually.

That was messed-up, man.
You need help.

I don't know, you should,
like, talk to somebody...

A therapist or...

I don't know, people are always
saying that to me, but I'm fine.

My family doesn't really
believe in therapy.

They might if they
knew the alternative.

Sorry, I just feel like

you need something.

Yeah.

You should go.

Yeah.
I'm s-so sorry.

- No, please. Don't be.
- Yeah.

You know, I-I had
so much fun tonight,

except for this whole end bit,
which was terrible.

- Uh...
- Yeah.

I'll see you at the bar
in one year's time.

Yeah, I'll see you then.

Yo, bro.

Yo.
Thanks for coming out, man.

I don't know how to do this.

Hey, man,
baby steps and all that.

Besides, if we don't like it,
we just leave.

Y-Yeah.

But you can't leave
in the middle.

Yes, you can.
Do you see guards or anything?

Yeah. There are so many guards.
Like, look at her.

- Hi, good to see you.
- Here's my question. Like,

did you have to dress
like an alcoholic, though?

- I don't like this on you.
- It happens.

I love it.
You bought it for me.

I realize now it just
makes you look like

- a giant fourth-grader.
- Best year of my life.

- But, like, a fourth-grader who's good at math.
- Good. Hey, what's up?

I'm sorry.

Hi. I'm Olivia.

First time?

Yeah.

Welcome.

There's snacks.

There's snacks. Come on.

Gushers, Cheez-Its,
little, uh...

- Peanut butter sandwich things.
- Oh, I do love those.