Single Drunk Female (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - New York - full transcript
(king princess' "there
she goes again" playing)
♪ there she goes ♪
♪ you see her walkin'
on down the street ♪
♪ there she goes ♪
♪ look at all your friends
that she's gonna meet ♪
♪ there she goes ♪
- that smell.
- It's not a good smell.
Yeah. Let's hit it.
♪ there she goes again ♪
no, no, don't go near that.
Something's always oozing.
No? Okay.
♪ she's down on her
knees, my friend ♪
this store, they open at 7:00.
It's the only place you can get
"walk of shame"
shirts before work.
- Really smart business model.
- Yeah.
♪ now take a look ♪
know what's dangerous
when you've been drinking?
Any white round thing that
vaguely resembles a toilet.
Are you se... you peed in that?
Oh, my... that's the
highest squat of all time!
- All right, all right, okay.
- Right.
- Are you sure you're gonna be able to find it on your own?
- Yeah.
I know you're a
grown man, but like,
- I do get a little bit concerned that you're not...
- I know.
- Yeah, it's totally fine.
- No, no, no, not there.
-Does this ooze, too? What's going on?
-No.
- Yeah?
- I just feel like something...
Happened on the bench.
I don't know what.
- I'm having, like, a lot of half memories.
- Okay.
Right now. That bodega
feels very familiar.
I have no idea why.
And also, we passed a
parking lot back there,
- and something definitely happened in it.
- Yeah.
- But I don't, I don't know what.
- Okay.
No, no, I get it. I worked at
this restaurant in high school,
and I don't remember anything
about it, just the drinks.
There was this vodka rum
brain freeze that was perfect.
- Uh...
- Well, thank you for this tour of how you've thrown up
in every trash can
from here to midtown.
Oh, I would never
drink in midtown.
- Takes a lot of the pressure off. Yeah.
- Good, I'm glad.
Um, all right,
well, go have fun.
I won't. I am pitching
my life's work
to everybody that I hated in
high school, so there you go.
- Well, I'm gonna go find a crappy bathroom to change in.
- Cool. Sounds good.
- I'll catch you later for a virgin brain freeze, right?
- Yeah.
- Oh, that's just ice, but...
- Sounds good.
- Good luck!
- Thanks!
Stephanie: It's so wild.
Like, they show you photos
when they are toddlers
or like when they're 12,
but you cannot see
them as adults.
Like, what did this nose
grow into? You know?
- Babe-a-rooney? Are you with me?
- Yes. Sorry.
Sorry, sorry, sorry. Yes.
Okay. Let's select some semen.
No. Okay, it's not a
yucky game show, it's dna.
- Okay.
- It's for our baby. Okay.
"engineer with an
electric personality."
mmm. Let's hear his voice.
Man: I grew up with two younger
sisters and one older brother.
Our parents were loving
but very hardworking.
So not around a lot.
It's really nice and mellow,
it's like a warm buttery scotch.
I wonder what inspired him.
What do you mean?
What does that mean?
You know, like in
the room, in the lab.
You know, like...
(mimics beeping)
like, I think
knowing that would be
a lot more revealing than
hearing the sound of voice.
God, what if he was, like, doing
it while he was recording that?
- Yuck town.
- (josh meows)
- right, josh?
- Josh was like "yuck."
- (phone buzzes)
- hold on, sorry. One sec.
Seriously?
I have to respond to my
sponsees. It's my job.
- We can go back to this.
- It's literally not your job.
Okay, fine. Whatever.
We will see you after, but then
you'll probably have
to do your real job
and then we'll just
never get back to it.
You always take him
when you're mad at me.
I work off of his vibe,
not the other way around,
so turn inward. Come on.
- Olivia: He's freaking out.
- He loves me!
(phone buzzing)
(quiet chatter)
(samantha clears throat)
nathaniel: Oh, there
she is! Sammy fink!
You made it!
Come on up.
- Up there?
- Yeah.
- Come on up.
- Right. Is there a...?
Yeah. Get up here.
Come on, let's do it.
Come on in. Make
yourself comfortable.
Have a seat.
- Sweet office, right?
- Yeah.
- Kick-ass view.
- Mm-hmm.
- I guess I'll...
- Yeah.
Cool chair, right?
- Spooky.
- (chair creaks)
yeah. I've never sat in
it. So, is it comfortable?
- Yeah.
- Oh, good.
- Mm-hmm.
- So, look, uh...
I gotta be honest with you,
that-that thing you
sent me is brilliant.
I mean, it really felt
like an alcoholic's take
on joan didion's
"leaving new york."
- wow. Thank you.
- Yeah, I mean, we would never publish it here,
but you should definitely
submit it somewhere smarter.
Okay. Um, what kind of stuff
do you want to publish here?
You know, we're looking for
a voice, a female voice,
something that's, you know, a
little snarky, kinda bitchy,
but you know, not in a mean way.
It's coming from the
woman, so it's cool.
Just somebody to kind of
cover local events like
gallery openings, plays,
interactive experiences,
whatever those are.
I think I could do that.
I have a female voice,
- I'm not mean all the time.
- (chuckling) right.
Look, sam, um...
You could be a
really good fit here,
that's why I thought
of you, but, um...
I gotta... I gotta
be honest with you.
Smug media, they're owned
by a parent corporation.
And that corporation is
all about "accountability."
- right.
- There were concerns.
There were worries
when your name came up
because of your
past behavior and...
Yeah, yeah. You can tell them
that I'm fully accountable now.
I mean, I have to be, I
have a probation officer.
Uh, I will definitely
not tell them that.
But, good to know.
- Okay, I gotta ask.
- Mm-hmm.
- Was I your bottom?
- Yeah, everyone always wants to know that,
but there wasn't really
a specific thing;
it was just kind of like a hole
that I kept digging and
digging and digging.
You know. Ruined my
relationship with my mom,
ruined my relationship
with my friends,
impossible to date anybody...
I just kind of ended up
as this, like, broken,
sad, empty shell
of a human being.
Oh.
Okay.
You know, I also, um...
I threw up on the
staten island ferry once
and the wind kind of blew
it right back in my face.
(laughing): Oh, god.
- Gross! Really?
- Mm-hmm.
- Did it get in your mouth?
- Yeah.
Oh, my god. And then did
you throw up again? Like...
(imitating vomiting)
oh, my god. See? This is
the kind of stuff I love.
Like, this... if we were
still at bzzzzzzzzz,
this would be a
perfect listicle.
Oh, my god.
(phone buzzing)
(phone chimes)
- hey, james? Trip nemshin.
- How's it going, man?
So, where's the
rest of your team?
Oh, no team, just me.
Oh. No, uh, no system architect?
No, I did the infrastructure,
the coding, all of it.
Wow, that's rare.
Never see that.
Yeah, I'm like a
good steak, right?
- Because of the rare...
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Let's see what you got.
- Okay. All right.
- Come on back!
- Yeah.
Vendor: There you go, buddy.
- You have a good one.
- Thanks, man.
- Hot dog no relish lady.
- Yeah, that's me.
- Hot dog guy!
- Yeah.
I always wondered if
you were still alive.
Well, uh... Yeah.
I'll... I'll take a
hot dog, no relish.
Whoa. Sorry, can
you break a hundo?
(chuckles) good for
you, hot dog no relish,
you're doing well.
- There you go.
- Thanks.
Bob: Seven, eight,
fifteen. Nice.
(phone buzzing)
- wait, wait. It's sam.
- Oh. Okay.
- Hi!
- Samantha: Hey.
Are you okay? How'd it go?
It was, uh, it was super weird,
but I got myself a hot dog
to feel better and I just wanted
to say thanks for the cash.
- What cash?
- The hundred you slipped in my bag.
I mean, I'm gonna blow it
all in the bodega,
but I appreciate it.
I'll, uh, I'll call you
if I hear anything, okay?
Love you.
Bob (muttering):
Four, five, six.
Eight, sixteen...
Did you give my daughter money?
Yes. Yeah. You
know, it's new york.
I always tell my kids you gotta
have money for the muggers.
What?
Money for the muggers, you
know, if you get mugged,
you gotta, you know, take
the money out, show them,
throw it that way, and you
run the opposite direction.
Why would you give my
adult daughter money?
And why would you do that
without asking me first?
I-I didn't even... I didn't
even think it was a thing.
I mean, I didn't think that
was gonna be a problem.
I'm so... I...
(sighs) you're right. No.
I should've definitely
consulted with you on that.
Yeah, I didn't. That's
my bad. I got "vane."
I got "vane" here,
like a weather vane.
That's 16 points.
That's pretty good.
You're up.
(phone buzzing)
- hello?
- Nathaniel: Sammy fink,
what're you up to?
Uh, you know, not much,
just gonna walk around,
maybe buy a hot dog again.
Oh, really? Ugh. Don't put that
crap in your body. It's not...
Well, listen, not that I
monitor women's bodies.
Eat whatever you want.
I love all types. You know.
Big, fat, skinny, scandinavian.
Um, anyway, listen, some
of us are going out later,
you should join us.
Oh, wow. Okay.
- Uh, who's "us"?
- You know,
like, just some
colleagues and some
general office assholes.
You know, the kinda people
you gotta vibe with
to get the job.
Awesome, yeah. I will
definitely be there. Thank you.
- Sweet. I'll send you the details.
- Okay.
Listen, just be yourself.
All right? Not your old
self, uh, your new self.
Uh, but not the new self
from today, just, you know...
Focus on the fun parts and
don't worry about the sad stuff.
- All right?
- Yeah.
I'll see you tonight. Okay. Bye.
So, my sobriety app isn't
a replacement for meetings,
but it's a solution for those
sometimes difficult
times in between.
So not only will our users
have access to a social network
tailored to their
recovery needs,
but we have a tracking component
that will bring us to a
new frontier in wellness.
Love it.
Cool. Well, I look forward
to hearing from you guys...
No, no need. I knew I wanted
it before you got here.
How can we make this official?
So, you wanna buy it?
Yeah.
Okay.
Can't tell if you're
excited or terrified.
Well, I'm an alcoholic, so both.
(trip laughs)
olivia: Hi.
(groans) my boobs are huge.
Like, they have swelled up
an entire cup size
from the injections.
- Well, you look amazing.
- No, I don't.
No, I like... I got in
the best shape of my life
to launch girl boston,
and now I'm gonna swell
up like a bullfrog
for like a year, and I'm
gonna get jawline breakouts.
Like, you've seen my
high school yearbook,
it's gonna be really bad.
Baby, who cares? You're
gonna be pregnant.
It's okay if your
appearance changes.
- It's medically advisable.
- And then also, joshy was in here,
and I was singing
him his song...
♪ joshy, I love you ♪
♪ I smush your tush ♪
- both: ♪ I smush your tush ♪
- and he hissed at me.
- (gasps)
- like...
He doesn't love me
anymore or something.
Or like he doesn't
recognize me anymore
(crying): Because I'm fat.
You're not fat. That's crazy.
- Baby, what is going on?
- I don't know.
I don't know what's going on.
- I mean, like, are we ever gonna do this?
- Yes.
- Of course. You're so close.
- Yeah,
I'm so close. Are you?
Yeah. So, like, the last
three miles of the marathon...
It's like a whole other race,
but if you hydrate you're fine.
- Woman: You didn't...
- Nathaniel: Sam!
- Hey, what's up?
- Hi.
- Hi. You made it.
- Yeah.
What's going on? Do
you want a drink?
Like an oj or a
seltz? Cranberry...
She's sober, guys.
But it's cool.
It's totally fine. I'm good.
- Is that okay to say that?
- Thank you. Yeah.
Everybody be cool.
This is sam fink,
she's our top candidate
for the party reporter job.
All right? So be nice,
please. Meaning...
Don't be yourselves,
ha-ha, ha-ha...
So, that's cool. Sober, huh?
- Yeah.
- You know, my brother's in the program and he still rages.
I mean, he used to be, like,
way more fun at
christmas parties
when he drank, but...
- Cool.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
So, I was just wondering...
You just said "party reporter,"
and I kind of thought
the job was like a...
Like a cultural events
type thing. Is the...?
You know, it's like a combo.
Like, you're writing,
but there's parties.
- Cool.
- And topher would do, like,
- party stuff at bars.
- He would.
- He was the last party reporter.
- Oh, cool.
- Yeah.
- And so he always goes to bars, and he was...
So, what happened to...
What happened to topher?
Does he, like, does
he smell bad or...?
- Oh, he was great.
- He was good.
He was so great. He just
partied a little hard.
So, you know, he'd get so wasted
that he didn't turn
stuff in on time.
Yeah, and you know, and he-he
lost custody of his kids.
- It was pretty bad.
- Oof.
But that's not a problem for you
'cause you had a bad girl phase
and now that's in
the rearview, right?
- Yeah.
- And now you're just like smooth sailing sam.
- (chuckles nervously)
- right?
- Uh-huh.
- But I...
-We'll figure it out. I don't want you...
-It's fine.
- Yeah, for sure. Yeah.
- You're sure? Okay, good.
So, where are you,
uh, living, anyway?
- Uh, malden.
- Okay, cool, I think I've heard of that.
Is that, like, near bushwick?
Where, uh... oh, where
the unicycle thing is?
Sorry, I'm gonna step
out for one second.
- All right.
- Sorry about that.
- Bye, nice to meet you.
- Is she okay?
- I don't know. Where's malden?
- Did I say something?
(panting)
(yebba's "how many
years" playing)
♪ how many years will it take
for these years to dry? ♪
♪ oh, my lord, please
don't pass me by ♪
♪ where can I run when my
running is out of time? ♪
♪ these are the moments
that I'm with you. ♪
Hey.
- Back at the bench.
- Yeah, I see that.
Maybe if you sit here long
enough you'll remember.
Uh... I don't know if
I want to remember.
What if it was really bad?
Like I made out
with a finance bro
- in boat shoes or killed a guy?
- Right.
Yeah, that's the wild part
about this whole thing,
it's just like...
You have some stuff that you
might not want to remember.
Like, take me, for example.
Well, I'm glad I remembered you.
Me, too.
Can I?
Okay...
I just feel like I was so sad,
you know? Why was I so sad?
Well, maybe that's okay.
You're not sad anymore.
Your life is heading
in a good direction.
- You might get that job.
- I don't know if I want that job.
This place just doesn't
feel good for me.
I don't know. I feel like
I really needed to be here,
but I don't know
why. It's like
I wasn't even here in the
first place, you know?
Yeah.
♪ ♪
oh, man.
I found out my dad
died on this bench.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Sorry.
- That's, that's a bad one.
- Yeah.
- We should go.
- All right.
Stephanie: Smush. I'm
smushing the tush.
- (purring)
- you're so sweet.
- How did you get so sweet?
- Joshy josh.
Smushy smush.
Good boy.
Go, joshy, shoo.
He was just starting
to love me again.
(olivia sighs)
do you wanna talk?
Okay.
I'll talk.
I'm sorry that I've
been creating distance.
It just feels so wrong
to be inviting a man in.
It's like, there's gonna
be some random dude
who's a plus-one
in our pregnancy.
No, I know. It's...
It feels so like
heterosexual, all of it.
I wish we could have the
baby just the two of us.
I learned recently
that, if you go back
like seven generations,
you don't actually share that
much dna with your ancestors.
So, like, even though they're,
like, your whole culture,
and your background,
and your history,
you're not actually
biologically connected to them.
It's love... like, love
is what makes a family.
And, like, there's so much love
for a child before
you even start.
Well, that's kind of beautiful.
What if I carried it?
You carried the baby?
I wanna share it.
I-I don't want you to
have to do it alone.
That's so sweet, but...
But then, I mean...
You would have to
do so many tests,
like, we... you would have
to check for fibroids,
and make sure that your body
isn't gonna reject the tissue.
Like, it's a lot.
Don't tell me any more
things or I'm gonna back out.
- (laughs) I love you so much.
- And I love you.
(water running)
is there still weirdness here?
I-I... There's weirdness.
- I feel it.
- No.
We're normal. It's fine.
Dinner was good.
Okay, carol, come on.
Look, I am very, very sorry.
You're right, it
was inappropriate
and it must be weird for you
that your new boyfriend
is slipping your kid
money behind your
back. I get it.
I know what you meant.
You know, she's... (sighs)
she's just a kid
in-in a big city,
and she could use
a boost. And...
That's all it was.
I-I would do the exact
same thing for my kids.
And that's what threw me.
You're stepping in for
someone who isn't here.
And I miss him.
Yeah.
- I know.
- (carol cries)
♪ ♪
samantha: Way to
bury the lede, man.
You let me whine about a
bench and you sold the thing?
-Are you kidding me? That's amazing.
-Yeah.
I don't know how to feel,
though, because, like...
I don't know, there's an
odd comfort to failure.
- Yeah, well, sing it, sister.
- Yeah.
You sure you don't
want me to stick around
while you finish the stuff?
'cause I'm pretty sure I can
just, like, catch another bus.
Yeah... Don't ask me that.
Um...
Because I don't know if I
can keep saying no to you.
♪ ♪
I'll see you in malden.
- Okay.
- Yeah?
- Um, do you wanna...?
- No, you can... I'm just...
Cool.
♪ ♪
(phone buzzing)
♪ I found your first
draft in the trash ♪
♪ of our bedroom ♪
♪ goodbye and all that ♪
♪ screw you, did you? ♪
(phone chimes)
♪ oh, apples and oranges ♪
♪ perfume is the poison ♪
♪ oh, apples and oranges. ♪
she goes again" playing)
♪ there she goes ♪
♪ you see her walkin'
on down the street ♪
♪ there she goes ♪
♪ look at all your friends
that she's gonna meet ♪
♪ there she goes ♪
- that smell.
- It's not a good smell.
Yeah. Let's hit it.
♪ there she goes again ♪
no, no, don't go near that.
Something's always oozing.
No? Okay.
♪ she's down on her
knees, my friend ♪
this store, they open at 7:00.
It's the only place you can get
"walk of shame"
shirts before work.
- Really smart business model.
- Yeah.
♪ now take a look ♪
know what's dangerous
when you've been drinking?
Any white round thing that
vaguely resembles a toilet.
Are you se... you peed in that?
Oh, my... that's the
highest squat of all time!
- All right, all right, okay.
- Right.
- Are you sure you're gonna be able to find it on your own?
- Yeah.
I know you're a
grown man, but like,
- I do get a little bit concerned that you're not...
- I know.
- Yeah, it's totally fine.
- No, no, no, not there.
-Does this ooze, too? What's going on?
-No.
- Yeah?
- I just feel like something...
Happened on the bench.
I don't know what.
- I'm having, like, a lot of half memories.
- Okay.
Right now. That bodega
feels very familiar.
I have no idea why.
And also, we passed a
parking lot back there,
- and something definitely happened in it.
- Yeah.
- But I don't, I don't know what.
- Okay.
No, no, I get it. I worked at
this restaurant in high school,
and I don't remember anything
about it, just the drinks.
There was this vodka rum
brain freeze that was perfect.
- Uh...
- Well, thank you for this tour of how you've thrown up
in every trash can
from here to midtown.
Oh, I would never
drink in midtown.
- Takes a lot of the pressure off. Yeah.
- Good, I'm glad.
Um, all right,
well, go have fun.
I won't. I am pitching
my life's work
to everybody that I hated in
high school, so there you go.
- Well, I'm gonna go find a crappy bathroom to change in.
- Cool. Sounds good.
- I'll catch you later for a virgin brain freeze, right?
- Yeah.
- Oh, that's just ice, but...
- Sounds good.
- Good luck!
- Thanks!
Stephanie: It's so wild.
Like, they show you photos
when they are toddlers
or like when they're 12,
but you cannot see
them as adults.
Like, what did this nose
grow into? You know?
- Babe-a-rooney? Are you with me?
- Yes. Sorry.
Sorry, sorry, sorry. Yes.
Okay. Let's select some semen.
No. Okay, it's not a
yucky game show, it's dna.
- Okay.
- It's for our baby. Okay.
"engineer with an
electric personality."
mmm. Let's hear his voice.
Man: I grew up with two younger
sisters and one older brother.
Our parents were loving
but very hardworking.
So not around a lot.
It's really nice and mellow,
it's like a warm buttery scotch.
I wonder what inspired him.
What do you mean?
What does that mean?
You know, like in
the room, in the lab.
You know, like...
(mimics beeping)
like, I think
knowing that would be
a lot more revealing than
hearing the sound of voice.
God, what if he was, like, doing
it while he was recording that?
- Yuck town.
- (josh meows)
- right, josh?
- Josh was like "yuck."
- (phone buzzes)
- hold on, sorry. One sec.
Seriously?
I have to respond to my
sponsees. It's my job.
- We can go back to this.
- It's literally not your job.
Okay, fine. Whatever.
We will see you after, but then
you'll probably have
to do your real job
and then we'll just
never get back to it.
You always take him
when you're mad at me.
I work off of his vibe,
not the other way around,
so turn inward. Come on.
- Olivia: He's freaking out.
- He loves me!
(phone buzzing)
(quiet chatter)
(samantha clears throat)
nathaniel: Oh, there
she is! Sammy fink!
You made it!
Come on up.
- Up there?
- Yeah.
- Come on up.
- Right. Is there a...?
Yeah. Get up here.
Come on, let's do it.
Come on in. Make
yourself comfortable.
Have a seat.
- Sweet office, right?
- Yeah.
- Kick-ass view.
- Mm-hmm.
- I guess I'll...
- Yeah.
Cool chair, right?
- Spooky.
- (chair creaks)
yeah. I've never sat in
it. So, is it comfortable?
- Yeah.
- Oh, good.
- Mm-hmm.
- So, look, uh...
I gotta be honest with you,
that-that thing you
sent me is brilliant.
I mean, it really felt
like an alcoholic's take
on joan didion's
"leaving new york."
- wow. Thank you.
- Yeah, I mean, we would never publish it here,
but you should definitely
submit it somewhere smarter.
Okay. Um, what kind of stuff
do you want to publish here?
You know, we're looking for
a voice, a female voice,
something that's, you know, a
little snarky, kinda bitchy,
but you know, not in a mean way.
It's coming from the
woman, so it's cool.
Just somebody to kind of
cover local events like
gallery openings, plays,
interactive experiences,
whatever those are.
I think I could do that.
I have a female voice,
- I'm not mean all the time.
- (chuckling) right.
Look, sam, um...
You could be a
really good fit here,
that's why I thought
of you, but, um...
I gotta... I gotta
be honest with you.
Smug media, they're owned
by a parent corporation.
And that corporation is
all about "accountability."
- right.
- There were concerns.
There were worries
when your name came up
because of your
past behavior and...
Yeah, yeah. You can tell them
that I'm fully accountable now.
I mean, I have to be, I
have a probation officer.
Uh, I will definitely
not tell them that.
But, good to know.
- Okay, I gotta ask.
- Mm-hmm.
- Was I your bottom?
- Yeah, everyone always wants to know that,
but there wasn't really
a specific thing;
it was just kind of like a hole
that I kept digging and
digging and digging.
You know. Ruined my
relationship with my mom,
ruined my relationship
with my friends,
impossible to date anybody...
I just kind of ended up
as this, like, broken,
sad, empty shell
of a human being.
Oh.
Okay.
You know, I also, um...
I threw up on the
staten island ferry once
and the wind kind of blew
it right back in my face.
(laughing): Oh, god.
- Gross! Really?
- Mm-hmm.
- Did it get in your mouth?
- Yeah.
Oh, my god. And then did
you throw up again? Like...
(imitating vomiting)
oh, my god. See? This is
the kind of stuff I love.
Like, this... if we were
still at bzzzzzzzzz,
this would be a
perfect listicle.
Oh, my god.
(phone buzzing)
(phone chimes)
- hey, james? Trip nemshin.
- How's it going, man?
So, where's the
rest of your team?
Oh, no team, just me.
Oh. No, uh, no system architect?
No, I did the infrastructure,
the coding, all of it.
Wow, that's rare.
Never see that.
Yeah, I'm like a
good steak, right?
- Because of the rare...
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Let's see what you got.
- Okay. All right.
- Come on back!
- Yeah.
Vendor: There you go, buddy.
- You have a good one.
- Thanks, man.
- Hot dog no relish lady.
- Yeah, that's me.
- Hot dog guy!
- Yeah.
I always wondered if
you were still alive.
Well, uh... Yeah.
I'll... I'll take a
hot dog, no relish.
Whoa. Sorry, can
you break a hundo?
(chuckles) good for
you, hot dog no relish,
you're doing well.
- There you go.
- Thanks.
Bob: Seven, eight,
fifteen. Nice.
(phone buzzing)
- wait, wait. It's sam.
- Oh. Okay.
- Hi!
- Samantha: Hey.
Are you okay? How'd it go?
It was, uh, it was super weird,
but I got myself a hot dog
to feel better and I just wanted
to say thanks for the cash.
- What cash?
- The hundred you slipped in my bag.
I mean, I'm gonna blow it
all in the bodega,
but I appreciate it.
I'll, uh, I'll call you
if I hear anything, okay?
Love you.
Bob (muttering):
Four, five, six.
Eight, sixteen...
Did you give my daughter money?
Yes. Yeah. You
know, it's new york.
I always tell my kids you gotta
have money for the muggers.
What?
Money for the muggers, you
know, if you get mugged,
you gotta, you know, take
the money out, show them,
throw it that way, and you
run the opposite direction.
Why would you give my
adult daughter money?
And why would you do that
without asking me first?
I-I didn't even... I didn't
even think it was a thing.
I mean, I didn't think that
was gonna be a problem.
I'm so... I...
(sighs) you're right. No.
I should've definitely
consulted with you on that.
Yeah, I didn't. That's
my bad. I got "vane."
I got "vane" here,
like a weather vane.
That's 16 points.
That's pretty good.
You're up.
(phone buzzing)
- hello?
- Nathaniel: Sammy fink,
what're you up to?
Uh, you know, not much,
just gonna walk around,
maybe buy a hot dog again.
Oh, really? Ugh. Don't put that
crap in your body. It's not...
Well, listen, not that I
monitor women's bodies.
Eat whatever you want.
I love all types. You know.
Big, fat, skinny, scandinavian.
Um, anyway, listen, some
of us are going out later,
you should join us.
Oh, wow. Okay.
- Uh, who's "us"?
- You know,
like, just some
colleagues and some
general office assholes.
You know, the kinda people
you gotta vibe with
to get the job.
Awesome, yeah. I will
definitely be there. Thank you.
- Sweet. I'll send you the details.
- Okay.
Listen, just be yourself.
All right? Not your old
self, uh, your new self.
Uh, but not the new self
from today, just, you know...
Focus on the fun parts and
don't worry about the sad stuff.
- All right?
- Yeah.
I'll see you tonight. Okay. Bye.
So, my sobriety app isn't
a replacement for meetings,
but it's a solution for those
sometimes difficult
times in between.
So not only will our users
have access to a social network
tailored to their
recovery needs,
but we have a tracking component
that will bring us to a
new frontier in wellness.
Love it.
Cool. Well, I look forward
to hearing from you guys...
No, no need. I knew I wanted
it before you got here.
How can we make this official?
So, you wanna buy it?
Yeah.
Okay.
Can't tell if you're
excited or terrified.
Well, I'm an alcoholic, so both.
(trip laughs)
olivia: Hi.
(groans) my boobs are huge.
Like, they have swelled up
an entire cup size
from the injections.
- Well, you look amazing.
- No, I don't.
No, I like... I got in
the best shape of my life
to launch girl boston,
and now I'm gonna swell
up like a bullfrog
for like a year, and I'm
gonna get jawline breakouts.
Like, you've seen my
high school yearbook,
it's gonna be really bad.
Baby, who cares? You're
gonna be pregnant.
It's okay if your
appearance changes.
- It's medically advisable.
- And then also, joshy was in here,
and I was singing
him his song...
♪ joshy, I love you ♪
♪ I smush your tush ♪
- both: ♪ I smush your tush ♪
- and he hissed at me.
- (gasps)
- like...
He doesn't love me
anymore or something.
Or like he doesn't
recognize me anymore
(crying): Because I'm fat.
You're not fat. That's crazy.
- Baby, what is going on?
- I don't know.
I don't know what's going on.
- I mean, like, are we ever gonna do this?
- Yes.
- Of course. You're so close.
- Yeah,
I'm so close. Are you?
Yeah. So, like, the last
three miles of the marathon...
It's like a whole other race,
but if you hydrate you're fine.
- Woman: You didn't...
- Nathaniel: Sam!
- Hey, what's up?
- Hi.
- Hi. You made it.
- Yeah.
What's going on? Do
you want a drink?
Like an oj or a
seltz? Cranberry...
She's sober, guys.
But it's cool.
It's totally fine. I'm good.
- Is that okay to say that?
- Thank you. Yeah.
Everybody be cool.
This is sam fink,
she's our top candidate
for the party reporter job.
All right? So be nice,
please. Meaning...
Don't be yourselves,
ha-ha, ha-ha...
So, that's cool. Sober, huh?
- Yeah.
- You know, my brother's in the program and he still rages.
I mean, he used to be, like,
way more fun at
christmas parties
when he drank, but...
- Cool.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
So, I was just wondering...
You just said "party reporter,"
and I kind of thought
the job was like a...
Like a cultural events
type thing. Is the...?
You know, it's like a combo.
Like, you're writing,
but there's parties.
- Cool.
- And topher would do, like,
- party stuff at bars.
- He would.
- He was the last party reporter.
- Oh, cool.
- Yeah.
- And so he always goes to bars, and he was...
So, what happened to...
What happened to topher?
Does he, like, does
he smell bad or...?
- Oh, he was great.
- He was good.
He was so great. He just
partied a little hard.
So, you know, he'd get so wasted
that he didn't turn
stuff in on time.
Yeah, and you know, and he-he
lost custody of his kids.
- It was pretty bad.
- Oof.
But that's not a problem for you
'cause you had a bad girl phase
and now that's in
the rearview, right?
- Yeah.
- And now you're just like smooth sailing sam.
- (chuckles nervously)
- right?
- Uh-huh.
- But I...
-We'll figure it out. I don't want you...
-It's fine.
- Yeah, for sure. Yeah.
- You're sure? Okay, good.
So, where are you,
uh, living, anyway?
- Uh, malden.
- Okay, cool, I think I've heard of that.
Is that, like, near bushwick?
Where, uh... oh, where
the unicycle thing is?
Sorry, I'm gonna step
out for one second.
- All right.
- Sorry about that.
- Bye, nice to meet you.
- Is she okay?
- I don't know. Where's malden?
- Did I say something?
(panting)
(yebba's "how many
years" playing)
♪ how many years will it take
for these years to dry? ♪
♪ oh, my lord, please
don't pass me by ♪
♪ where can I run when my
running is out of time? ♪
♪ these are the moments
that I'm with you. ♪
Hey.
- Back at the bench.
- Yeah, I see that.
Maybe if you sit here long
enough you'll remember.
Uh... I don't know if
I want to remember.
What if it was really bad?
Like I made out
with a finance bro
- in boat shoes or killed a guy?
- Right.
Yeah, that's the wild part
about this whole thing,
it's just like...
You have some stuff that you
might not want to remember.
Like, take me, for example.
Well, I'm glad I remembered you.
Me, too.
Can I?
Okay...
I just feel like I was so sad,
you know? Why was I so sad?
Well, maybe that's okay.
You're not sad anymore.
Your life is heading
in a good direction.
- You might get that job.
- I don't know if I want that job.
This place just doesn't
feel good for me.
I don't know. I feel like
I really needed to be here,
but I don't know
why. It's like
I wasn't even here in the
first place, you know?
Yeah.
♪ ♪
oh, man.
I found out my dad
died on this bench.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Sorry.
- That's, that's a bad one.
- Yeah.
- We should go.
- All right.
Stephanie: Smush. I'm
smushing the tush.
- (purring)
- you're so sweet.
- How did you get so sweet?
- Joshy josh.
Smushy smush.
Good boy.
Go, joshy, shoo.
He was just starting
to love me again.
(olivia sighs)
do you wanna talk?
Okay.
I'll talk.
I'm sorry that I've
been creating distance.
It just feels so wrong
to be inviting a man in.
It's like, there's gonna
be some random dude
who's a plus-one
in our pregnancy.
No, I know. It's...
It feels so like
heterosexual, all of it.
I wish we could have the
baby just the two of us.
I learned recently
that, if you go back
like seven generations,
you don't actually share that
much dna with your ancestors.
So, like, even though they're,
like, your whole culture,
and your background,
and your history,
you're not actually
biologically connected to them.
It's love... like, love
is what makes a family.
And, like, there's so much love
for a child before
you even start.
Well, that's kind of beautiful.
What if I carried it?
You carried the baby?
I wanna share it.
I-I don't want you to
have to do it alone.
That's so sweet, but...
But then, I mean...
You would have to
do so many tests,
like, we... you would have
to check for fibroids,
and make sure that your body
isn't gonna reject the tissue.
Like, it's a lot.
Don't tell me any more
things or I'm gonna back out.
- (laughs) I love you so much.
- And I love you.
(water running)
is there still weirdness here?
I-I... There's weirdness.
- I feel it.
- No.
We're normal. It's fine.
Dinner was good.
Okay, carol, come on.
Look, I am very, very sorry.
You're right, it
was inappropriate
and it must be weird for you
that your new boyfriend
is slipping your kid
money behind your
back. I get it.
I know what you meant.
You know, she's... (sighs)
she's just a kid
in-in a big city,
and she could use
a boost. And...
That's all it was.
I-I would do the exact
same thing for my kids.
And that's what threw me.
You're stepping in for
someone who isn't here.
And I miss him.
Yeah.
- I know.
- (carol cries)
♪ ♪
samantha: Way to
bury the lede, man.
You let me whine about a
bench and you sold the thing?
-Are you kidding me? That's amazing.
-Yeah.
I don't know how to feel,
though, because, like...
I don't know, there's an
odd comfort to failure.
- Yeah, well, sing it, sister.
- Yeah.
You sure you don't
want me to stick around
while you finish the stuff?
'cause I'm pretty sure I can
just, like, catch another bus.
Yeah... Don't ask me that.
Um...
Because I don't know if I
can keep saying no to you.
♪ ♪
I'll see you in malden.
- Okay.
- Yeah?
- Um, do you wanna...?
- No, you can... I'm just...
Cool.
♪ ♪
(phone buzzing)
♪ I found your first
draft in the trash ♪
♪ of our bedroom ♪
♪ goodbye and all that ♪
♪ screw you, did you? ♪
(phone chimes)
♪ oh, apples and oranges ♪
♪ perfume is the poison ♪
♪ oh, apples and oranges. ♪