Simon & Simon (1981–1989): Season 4, Episode 9 - Almost Completely Out of Circulation - full transcript
When the creator of a popular comic book is killed, his grandson goes to A.J. and Rick claiming that he knows who killed his grandfather -it was the arch enemy of the hero of the comic. They eventually learn that every character in the comic is inspired by a real person. So they have to figure out who was the inspiration for the villain.
You're good, Condor, but
not good enough. [laughs]
[Announcer] Next
on Simon & Simon...
He completed the whole
panel except for Janus' face.
The Condor was gonna
unmask Janus the Terrible.
- Janus?
- Janus the Terrible.
[Man] I'm a bit reluctant to
discuss Martin Banfield's will
with a couple of private detectives
retained by an 11-year-old boy.
I, for one, am interested
in why somebody would
roust me for a comic book.
We just got a great opportunity
to put those two detectives
out of your misery.
♪♪ [theme]
[Man] "Condor,
we found the bomb.
"The president's safe.
"Now, old foe,
"taste the Condor's wrath.
"At last, Janus,
"the world will know
your true identity.
"You! I should have known.
"You trusting fool!
I knew you'd never guess."
Hey, Gramps!
Gramps!
Hey, Gramps! I made
it! I made the team!
Gramps, I made the te...
Gramps?
[machine clanging]
Hard at work, as usual.
[sighs]
[clanging continues]
- You staying or going?
- Staying.
Why don't you
take your jacket off
and make yourself to home?
- I don't want to.
- But it's hot out.
Why you got it zipped
up to your Adam's apple?
Aw, you got it on, don't you?
I'm meeting Liz for lunch.
Good move. Maybe by
then, you'll sweat through it.
It'll disintegrate.
A.J., she's testing you.
She knows that
shirt's not right for you.
She's trying to
change your image,
mold you to her specifications.
I never thought I'd
live to see the day.
[huffs]
Aah! Aah!
Unplug it! Turn it off!
No reason why I
should suffer alone.
You're wrong about Liz' motives.
She just happens to have...
questionable taste
in men's clothing.
There's no question
about that shirt.
- [sighs]
- [knocking on door]
Put your jacket on. Come on in.
Hi.
What can we do for you?
- Is that enough?
- For what?
- To hire you.
- Well, I'll see.
- [A.J.] What's your name?
- Patrick Jessup.
Hi. I'm A.J.
- That's Rick.
- Hi.
It's not enough, is it?
Well, what was it
you had in mind?
I counted 75
dollars and 38 cents.
That's what you got?
Well, uh, yeah, but
hold on a minute here.
I don't want to waste your time.
Gramps said to me once,
"You get what you pay for."
- How much you guys get?
- $400 a day.
Pete Rose, rookie card, mint.
Wow.
[Patrick] Worth $250.
[A.J.] What? That?
- Check Beckett's
if you don't believe me.
- What's Beckett's?
It's the baseball
card collector's Bible.
Henry Aaron, rookie card.
125.
[A.J.] Yaw... Now,
wait a minute.
You're trying to tell me that Henry Aaron
is worth less than Pete Rose? Forget it.
- Rose is mint.
- Aaron's just excellent.
Oh.
- Can you find him in one day?
- Find who?
Patrick, you can't hire us.
- Why not?
- Yeah, why not?
- Because he's not an adult.
- Oh.
Oh, that again. I hear that
all the time from my mom.
Yeah, me, too. Who is
it you want us to find?
Whoever it was who
killed my grandfather.
Hey, uh, come here, Patrick.
Let's sit down.
Let's take this from the top.
- Who was your grandfather?
- Martin Banfield.
Oh.
I'm real sorry, Patrick.
I've been a big fan
of Condor's for years.
But the police are
already working on that.
They're wrong.
They think it's a burglar.
- I tried to tell them.
- Tried to tell them what?
That it was someone
that knew Gramps.
- It had to be.
- Why do you say that?
The Condor was gonna
unmask Janus the Terrible.
Don't you see?
Janus?
Janus the Terrible.
[A.J.] 10, 11,
12,
13... Come on, Mrs.
Jessup. You can do it.
- 14.
- Okay. One more. One more.
- One more.
- Let's go.
Come on. Push, push, push, push.
Okay, we got it.
[sighs] Thanks a lot, guys.
[strained] Uh-huh.
That little wanker.
You know, it just amazes me
how I do not know what's
going on in his head.
I love my kid. It's just that I
have a hard time reaching him.
He's always been a little weird.
Withdrawn, you know? And he's
gotten worse since my dad was killed.
They were very close.
- Where's Patrick's father?
- Speaking of withdrawn,
he withdrew to Mexico
right after I divorced him.
How long have you
been pumping iron?
Oh, since about a month after
I walked out on my husband.
My shrink says it's
compensation for a failed marriage.
Come on, guys.
- Gentlemen?
- No.
- No, thank you.
- Oh.
Uh, anyway, as I was saying,
I'm real worried about my kid.
I've tried to get
him into counseling,
but he's fighting me
every step of the way.
To your health, gentlemen.
Now, has he told you about
this cockamamie theory of his?
Yeah, he, uh...
He mentioned that.
You... You sure you wouldn't...
Oh, no. Positive.
Well, it's a little bit off
the wall, wouldn't you say?
- Is not.
- Is too.
- Is not.
- Is too!
Um... [clears throat]
Come on. We'll be done
here in just a minute. Come on.
I want to show them this.
Oh, wow.
My grandfather was drawing
this when he was killed.
[A.J.] Who's this?
That is Janus the Terrible,
scourge of the universe,
the Condor's archenemy.
[whispering] Everybody
knows that, A.J.
[Patrick] See, the Condor's taken
the mask off Janus for the first time.
And my grandfather
started to do his face,
but Janus doesn't want
anyone to know who he is.
Janus is a real person,
and he killed my grandfather.
- He did it. Janus killed my grandfather.
- All right. That's enough.
- Now, come o...
- It's true.
Look what Janus says.
- "Could the mighty Condor"...
- Not that.
[Rick] "Go ahead. You'll rue
this day forever, Winged Avenger."
"Rue this day." That
means big trouble.
- All right. All right.
- You're wet.
Yeah, I know. Would you guys
be interested in
looking into this
from my son's point of view?
On the condition that you agree
to accept whatever they
come up with, no matter what.
- Well, officially, this is
still a police investigation.
- Hey, hold it. Hold it.
I'll tell you what. We'll look into
it for a few days, okay, Patrick?
- So this is it, huh?
- Yeah.
This is where the Condor
foiled evil all those years.
[Mrs. Jessup] That's
a family portrait.
That's my uncle,
that's my other uncle,
that's my aunt, and that's me.
I'm a Taurus.
You sure are. Aah.
When was the Janus
character introduced?
[Mrs. Jessup]
'63 or '64, I think.
Could we see a copy
of that issue, please?
That will be difficult.
You see, among the many
of my father's idiosyncrasies
was the fact that he never saved
any of the Condor comic books,
nor were we allowed to.
- Why was that?
- He never said.
But I think it's because he had
an inward contempt for
the selling out of his art.
You see, he began his
career as a serious painter.
Wait a minute.
Hold everything.
I bet I've got that.
I saved every Condor
comic book I ever bought.
[Cecilia] Well,
maybe if you'd tell me
what boxes you're talking about,
I'd be able to help here.
- What...
- It's a box with all my comic books in it.
- Oh, were they marked?
- Yes, they were marked.
I put on them: "Do not touch.
Booby-trapped with poisoned needles."
- Uh-oh.
- I don't think they're here.
You can stop looking, Rick.
[Rick] Why?
I threw out the box that you
booby-trapped with the poisoned needles.
Hey, I'm sorry.
I needed a place to
store my trampoline,
and there wasn't any room.
And I figured anything you'd
use scare tactics to protect
had to be worthless.
- Count to 10.
- Hey, come on.
It was a long shot we'd ever
need a comic book, right?
That is beside the point.
There wasn't just
The Condor in there.
I had Space Chasers
and Two-Gun George.
But they're worthless.
You know, A.J.,
deep down inside,
you are a very shallow person.
[clicking tongue]
[A.J.] Has the will been
executed, Mr. Raymond?
[Mr. Raymond] I'm a bit reluctant
to discuss Martin Banfield's will
with a couple of
private detectives
retained by an 11-year-old boy.
His mother hired us.
Which does nothing
to alleviate to concern.
Emotionally, Molly's about
a year older than her son.
Does that mean
you won't discuss it?
I'll tell you this much.
The will hasn't been executed.
Martin stipulated he
wanted two months to elapse
after his death before
the will was to be read.
- Why so long?
- To torture his children. Why else?
This was a very eccentric man.
It got to the point
that he was convinced
the Condor was his alter ego.
Given the Condor's
code of ethics,
which makes the Boy Scout Oath
sound like the
bylaws of Gomorrah,
it was rather difficult
for his children
to fulfill the expectations
he had for them.
Not unpredictably,
they all rebelled.
I think Martin loved his
kids. Just didn't like them.
But he had a good
relationship with Patrick.
Well, the situation
was different.
Being a grandparent... and I
can speak from experience...
One has a tendency
to be more tolerant.
In Martin's case, I
think he rather regretted
the way he'd
handled his own kids,
so he eased up on Patrick.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have an appointment
out of the office.
And be careful with Patrick.
Another reason that he
and Martin got along so well
was that they both
lived in a fantasy world.
- We'll keep that in mind.
- Thank you.
Yeah.
I've got some
information for you.
I don't think there's
anything to worry about,
so don't go off
half-cocked, you hear me?
[Patrick] Hi, guys. I
knew you'd come here.
- What are you doing here?
- I got to thinking.
Maybe I can help.
- [scoffs]
- Let's go, Patrick.
What do you say, fellas?
What can I do you for?
We're interested
in the Condor comic
where the character
of Janus is introduced.
- You got the edition number?
- No.
- 146.
- Yes.
146.
Let's see.
It's mint condition. $1,400.
We don't care about the value.
We're just trying to locate one.
I care about the value.
$1,400, mint condition.
- That's a lot of money.
- Nothing you own
is in mint condition.
That's right. First
condition will get you 650.
Why are they worth so much?
Because there was
only one wholesaler
who warehoused
Razzle Dazzle Comics.
Their facility burned
down five years ago,
and, you see, all
those Razzle Dazzles
that predated the fire
become almost priceless.
- Priceless.
- I'll bet you don't even
remember Star Chaser.
- [whispers] No.
- No, he probably doesn't.
I do. I used to own
quite a few of them.
[Man] No kidding?
- No.
- Fantastic.
You know that any one of those
today on the market
will get you two yards?
No kidding?
Uh, do you have 146, please?
Are you kidding? I wish I did.
I got a lot of Condors,
but I ain't got that one.
- Yeah. Where are they?
- Aisle 3, near the window.
Thank you.
All right. So I'm
sorry again, okay?
You rip them, you bought them.
Oh, no.
Look at this.
[Rick] "Janus, you have
committed terrible wrongs,
"and I beseech you
to stop bringing shame
"on those who love you.
"Step forward and confess.
This is your last opportunity."
- What's the date on that one?
- April '81.
Huh. It's another Janus story
like the proofs Patrick showed us.
[Patrick] The Condor and Janus
were always fighting about something.
Well, let's go.
Uh, yeah. Uh, just a second.
How much that thing cost?
What do I care? You're paying.
Uh, how much do
we owe you for...
$15. You got
yourself a real bargain.
Oh, yeah.
Thank you. Can I
have a receipt, please?
Good enough?
That'll do. Thank you.
You know, you
could do us a big favor
if you'd put the word out
that we're looking for 146.
Uh, give him a card, A.J.
- You want mint condition?
- No, that doesn't
really matter.
I'll tell you what.
Better yet, uh, just say,
"Anybody interested in 146,"
they can reach
us at that number.
"Anybody interested." Got it.
That's it. Keep moving, guys.
Hey, hey, hey. Come
on. Pick up your bike.
Oh.
I swear to goodness.
Let's go. Keep going.
Hey, uh, listen,
go get the truck.
I can't read and
walk at the same time.
Gives me a headache.
Boy, I swear, if you were
chewing gum, you'd fall down.
Let's go.
[tires screeching]
Look, maybe it was
some collector, you know,
who saw you buy the comic book.
I mean, those guys
are very competitive.
Maybe, but for a $15 comic book,
the end doesn't
justify the means.
Not unless they thought
it was something it wasn't.
- How's that?
- That's fine,
but the sore spot's up here.
- Oh, sorry.
- Mm-hmm.
Who's in charge of
your father's finances?
His attorney, Matt Raymond.
- How much autonomy
does he have?
- What's autonomy?
Um, I don't really know.
He made a lot of investments.
See, my dad was
paranoid about money.
Mainly because he didn't
understand high finance.
- What's paranoid?
- Caution in the '80s.
Look, you don't suspect
Matt of attacking Rick.
I mean, he's a pompous ass,
but he has the heart of a mouse.
- What's a pompous ass?
- Mr. Raymond, honey.
Look, besides, I
told my brothers.
They had a right to know.
Do you suspect them now?
This is ridiculous. I have
to talk to Rick and A.J.
- I want you...
- I hired them.
Well, I'm paying them.
Now go to your room.
- Get!
- I'm not going to my room.
I'm going to another room,
and I'm not telling you which one.
Well, fine.
Look, this has gone too far.
I feel responsible.
You got hurt, and it
might've been Patrick.
Well, it's up to you.
Personally, I resent
getting sap upside the head,
and I'd kind of like to
talk to the fella who did it.
All right. What happens now?
Well, was Raymond
successful with his investments?
Yeah. Yeah. Especially in
the merchandising of Condor.
Was Raymond in charge
of the merchandising?
Oh-ho, no, no.
My brother Scott is.
You know, even his marriage
seems to be working out.
Why I'll never know.
He is so immature.
Uh, Scott's wife.
- Mm-hmm?
- What is her name?
- Bimbo.
- Oh.
- I mean, Sherry.
- Mm-hmm.
Um, tell me something.
Any of you kids ever
in any kind of trouble?
Oh, penny ante stuff.
Nothing that being from the
right side of the tracks couldn't fix.
- Mm-hmm.
- It seems odd that he'd
choose a vulture as his hero.
- Condor.
- Vulture.
Dad always rooted
for the underdog.
Over the years, he
donated a fortune
to the Condor Preservation Fund
and other endangered species.
- Well, thank you very much.
- See you, Patrick!
That was worth having Town
check the brothers for priors.
Just because Janus is
the scourge of the universe
doesn't mean he has a rap sheet.
[Rick] Boy, Town
looks a little ruined.
What do you expect? It's his
third straight day of testimony.
Yo, Town!
[A.J.] Hey, come
on. Don't be that way.
- Hey, yo, freeze!
- [whistles]
What are those?
This is the price for
whatever it is you want.
- Policemen's ball?
- Yeah.
- 30 bucks a shot?
- Yeah.
Demographically, the, uh,
SDPD medium age is 24,
and the young guys tend to
get a little rowdy at these affairs.
Plus, we booked Mad
Max and the Crashers.
They got a big fee, and they
usually do a lot of damage to the hall.
Hey, you'll have a great
time. And it's deductible.
What is it you want?
That's right. You
don't have any money.
[Matt] They had nothing,
and you go and have a couple
of your goons muscle one of them.
And for what? A
worthless comic book.
Damn it! Did you
even stop to consider
the odds against it being
the Janus introduction issue?
Oh, so you don't
consider mugging as risky?
What's the matter with
you? They may suspect me!
Did that cross your mind?
Of course I've got an alibi.
What I'm trying to explain is...
[click]
[Man] Sherry, baby, you'll
never learn if you don't try.
[Sherry] It scares me.
It's too complicated.
[Man] Unlike you,
I'm losing my patience.
[Sherry] You're just being mean.
- I'm just being right.
- Golly, don't yell at me!
If you weren't so stupid,
I wouldn't have to yell.
But you're pretty.
Pretty and dumb.
I don't care about being pretty.
Okay, you're ugly and dumb.
[singsong voice] But I love you.
Come here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Meow. [giggling]
Meow! [laughing]
Snookums! Oh!
- Look, one more take. Just one more take.
- I'll try.
And we're all done. We go home.
- Okay, I'll try.
- Excuse...
Uh, Mr. Banfield? Hello.
- Yeah?
- Hi.
I'm A.J. Simon. This
is my brother Rick.
Oh, the private eyes, baby.
The ones that Mongo Molly hired.
Okay. What can I do for you?
Uh, answer some
questions, please.
Look, I gotta finish
these tracks by 5:00,
so let's do it in here.
- Come on. Come on.
- No. No.
[Sherry whining]
[sighs]
"You look surprised
to see me, Janus.
"Yes, your nefarious
scheme backfired.
"Ah, you're good, Condor,
"but not good enough.
"Take that!
[sinister laughter] What"...
Do you have any
reason to believe that you
or your brother or sister had
been cut out of your father's will?
"Ah! You"...
Wait, wait, wait.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Didn't I have a helmet
with a sword on it last week?
We're not doing
the stories in order.
Next week, we'll do one where you
leave the helmet in the Cave of Dell.
- Trust me.
- Listen, if you'd
just send me a script
a week in advance, I wouldn't
slow you down like this.
"I figured you'd be armed,
so I came prepared, Janus.
Ah, bury this."
I don't even know if
we were in the will.
"Aha! Your blade is"...
For all I know, he left every
dime to the trumpeter swan.
"Prepare for your demise!
"Not quite yet, Condor.
Wait until you see
the devil dogs."
[snarling]
[barking]
- What terrible...
- "Look, the devil dogs!"
What terrible wrong could one
of his heirs have committed?
- [sinister laughter]
- I don't know
what you're talking about.
Well, you were busted
for assault in '82.
Some dude made a pass
at my wife. Do you mind?
- "Devil dogs! They will trick you"...
- Hmm? Um...
What about the one in '79 or
the two in '78 or the one in '73?
Are you trying to make a case for
me committing the terrible wrong
the Condor keeps raving about?
My father cuts me out
of the will, so I kill him?
I oughta punch your lights out.
You sure you haven't
already done that once today?
Beat it. Go talk to Molly.
She got an abortion
when she was 18.
The old man wouldn't
talk to her for three years.
- And what about
your brother Nathaniel?
- He was never pregnant.
Ah.
Are you sure we didn't have
that helmet with a sword?
It just seems to me
out of context, Scott.
[A.J.] I've already talked to
your brother, Mr. Banfield.
Call me Nathaniel.
Scott called me a
few minutes ago.
Don't be offended.
He's just got a short fuse.
To tell you the truth, I have a
hard time working up a belly laugh
over you guys suspecting one
of us of murdering our father.
Uh, excuse me.
That was a conclusion that Scott
reached. We never made that accusation.
But you're nosing around
for some reason. What?
I, for one, am interested
in why somebody would
roust me for a comic book.
And two, we have an obligation
to satisfy our
client's curiosity.
A kid who spends most
of his time in Fantasyland.
Well, we all gotta
make a living.
Speaking of which,
you used to be in the
roofing and siding business?
That's right.
Apparently there wer e
a number of complaints
registered against you with
the Better Business Bureau.
Look, if I can sell
somebody a product
for three times as much as
it'll cost them someplace else,
that's a tribute to
my selling ability.
There's nothing illegal in that.
Come on, fellas.
Give me a break.
You know, the Condor ran up
against all kinds of
villains in his time.
Yeah, but they were
all brought to justice.
Janus always gets
away. I wonder why.
Let me know when you find out.
This is ridiculous. We
gotta get a look at that will,
'cause until we know who the
players are, we're just wasting our time.
Great. How do we
convince Raymond?
Wait till he goes to lunch.
[Rick] Okay, A.J.
A little bit slower.
- This is as slow as it'll go.
- Are we on the right floor yet?
- [Rick shuddering]
- Don't look down.
[dialing]
Hi. Yeah. Listen,
we just got a great opportunity
to put those two detectives
out of your misery.
Psst.
Did you find it?
No will. I think you ought to
take some pictures of this, though.
Come on. We're
pressing our luck.
Shh!
Aah!
Hang on, Rick!
I'm trying to hang on!
I'm almost there.
- Okay, I got you.
- [straining]
Grab my hand.
Swing your legs up.
Swing your legs up.
Yeah. Hang on. I got you.
Easy, man.
[chattering]
[Rick] That's just the kind
of stunt Janus would pull.
When the Condor was
climbing the Mountain of Doom,
Janus cut the power
to his antigravity shoes.
[A.J.] Well, you're
right about one thing.
This has to do with condors.
I'd like to know how
much Martin Banfield
really gave the Condor
Preservation Fund.
[sighs, clears throat]
[British accent] Hello. Yes. I'm
interested in making a donation, please.
Whom should I speak with?
Yes. Thank you.
Hello. I'm interested
in making a donation.
It's my understanding
that, uh, the Condors
are a great tax shelter.
Is that correct, yes?
Good. I should like to match
the largest single donation
you've had since 1970.
Yes.
[laughing] Right.
Yes, you see, ever
since my sugar futures
went down the toi-toi,
I've been looking for
a way to ease the pain.
Hey.
You ditching school?
Uh, teachers convention.
I just want to see
how things were going.
You're ditching school.
[A.J.] Y-Yes?
Are you sure?
I see. Uh, could you tell me
how much Martin
Banfield has donated?
We're old friends.
We're rivals, really.
I don't want to see the old goat
get ahead of me.
Ah.
Well, then, could you tell me
if he's made any
donations at all?
Oh, I see.
No record?
Yes, well, thank you so much.
I'll get back to you later.
Bye-bye.
The largest single donation
made by an individual
was $30,000, and
that was made in 1979.
I saw $100,000 on
that donations record.
Twice. You saw it twice.
But the Condor
Fund has no record
of any donations
by Martin Banfield.
- Maybe he did it anonymously.
- Maybe.
Exactly how much was
on the attached page?
I don't remember,
but it didn't come
to more than $2,000.
Well, he's probably
doing it through Raymond
to keep his name off
of any list of charities
that he's not interested in.
[phone rings]
Uh, Simon and
Simon Investigations.
Hey, this is Curt Rapp.
Oh, yes. Hi, Curt.
Hey, a guy just left my
shop a little while ago.
Yeah, he's a regular
customer, a real Condor freak.
Yeah, I gave him your
message, just like you said.
He didn't even bat an eye.
This guy would sell
out his country for a 146,
that is unless he
already owns it.
- Wouldn't he say so?
- Gary Gumowitz is
a real collector.
He's not gonna tell anybody what
he's got until it can serve his purpose.
Uh, G-U-M-O... W-I-T-Z.
Do you happen to know if
he collects anything else,
anything he might be
interested in trading for?
Baseball cards make
him weak in the knees.
- [Man] Who is it?
- Gary Gumowitz?
Can I, uh, hold it?
[sighing]
Man,
I've been looking for
the Pete Rose rookie card
for five years.
Where'd you find it?
I can't reveal my sources.
We understand you
have The Condor 146.
Oh, yeah?
- Says who?
- [Rick] Yes or no?
Yeah. But it's
not on the market.
Pete Rose, even up.
Pass.
Ty Cobb?
146. Uh, could
we see it, please?
Don't pick it up.
[Patrick] Hey, here he is.
[A.J.] There's nothing new here.
Let's see. What have we got?
We've got, uh, three
words underlined,
but that's just some
sort of comic book-ease.
He's not even
introduced as Janus.
The Condor gave
him that name later on.
Oh.
Besides, he's introduced
wearing a mask, so who cares?
Well, why did he call him Janus?
The Condor accused
him of being deceitful
because Janus was
passing himself off as good
when, in actual
fact, he was evil.
Oh. Like the Roman
god with two faces.
So, uh, what do
you want for this?
Forget it.
[A.J.] Ah. Wait a minute.
There is something different?
Uh, do you have another
issue with Janus in it?
Okay.
In the cape, before,
I saw all these symbols, right?
Uh, this math,
this music, science.
But here, two fish.
- Pisces. Birth sign.
- Who's a Pisces?
My mom's Libra. I don't know
what Uncle Scott and Nathaniel are.
Hey, what's going on
here? You want 146,
you can have him for Ty Cobb.
Good man.
Pisces.
It's got something to do
with their astrological signs.
There were signs on the
family portrait in his studio, right?
I misread you. I thought
you were just greedy.
I'm greedy?
For 42 years,
all I ever got from my father
was the back of his hand.
And for what? To
be disinherited?
I deserve a third of his estate.
I earned it.
Now, what did you have in your
office those detectives could use?
Not the will?
It's in a safe deposit box,
along with Martin's
codicil disinheriting you.
So don't get any
ideas I'm expendable.
Anything else?
- What?
- A list of his charitable
contributions.
So?
There were two lists...
One I sent to Martin,
the other was an exact record
of how much we skimmed.
What the hell did
you have that for?
To make sure you
didn't rip me off.
[phone rings]
Hello.
Meet me at the corner
of Woodburn and Cahill.
Where are you going?
Go back to your office.
And just keep in mind you're
in too deep to get out now.
[door closes]
Uncle Nathaniel's a Pisces.
Did he kill Gramps?
Well, we don't know for sure.
What time does
your mom get home?
Around 5:30.
Would you get her on
the phone for me, please?
Hey.
Combine the three words
and rearrange the letters,
it spells Nathaniel.
Yes, Mom.
Yes, right away, please.
Right. Thank you.
Why do you want my
mom to come home?
Patrick, just let us
handle this one, okay?
You guys must
think I'm pretty stupid.
No, we think
you're pretty smart.
Janus must be Uncle Nathaniel.
Why did he kill Gramps?
Had no choice, Patrick.
Why in the hell couldn't you
just leave well enough alone?
Get their guns.
- Come on. Let's go.
- Uh, what are you gonna do?
Don't ask. Just move it.
Patrick?
Okay, let's get it over with.
You don't expect
us to just jump?
One way or another, you
are going into the water.
Uh, how do you
plan to explain that?
I don't figure to have to.
It's gonna take a bullet
to get me over there.
I've got nothing to lose.
I killed my old man.
It was premeditated.
Yeah. Why did he
have it in for you?
20 years ago, I asked him
to bankroll me in a business.
He told me I had to get
the money on my own,
but he didn't approve
of my methods.
Look, tell you what,
you take the kid,
let us go, we'll keep
our mouths shut, okay?
- [grunts]
- Hey!
Hold it!
Nathaniel!
Patrick and I just want you
to know how grateful we are.
- Oh...
- Um, and there's somebody else
that wants to thank you.
A token of appreciation
from a fan of yours.
- Oh, my Lord.
- Oh, wow. That's wonderful.
- [A.J.] Did you do this?
- Uh-huh.
[Rick] Well, you
inherited your dad's talent.
Oh, some of it.
Well, it's nice to know the Condor's gonna
be airborne for a few years yet to come.
Oh... Oh, I don't think so.
[Rick] Why not?
I don't know how my dad
would've felt about that.
He'd be glad, Mom. He
didn't want the Condor to quit.
We'll see, honey.
I'll tell you, it's
a big day for me.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
not good enough. [laughs]
[Announcer] Next
on Simon & Simon...
He completed the whole
panel except for Janus' face.
The Condor was gonna
unmask Janus the Terrible.
- Janus?
- Janus the Terrible.
[Man] I'm a bit reluctant to
discuss Martin Banfield's will
with a couple of private detectives
retained by an 11-year-old boy.
I, for one, am interested
in why somebody would
roust me for a comic book.
We just got a great opportunity
to put those two detectives
out of your misery.
♪♪ [theme]
[Man] "Condor,
we found the bomb.
"The president's safe.
"Now, old foe,
"taste the Condor's wrath.
"At last, Janus,
"the world will know
your true identity.
"You! I should have known.
"You trusting fool!
I knew you'd never guess."
Hey, Gramps!
Gramps!
Hey, Gramps! I made
it! I made the team!
Gramps, I made the te...
Gramps?
[machine clanging]
Hard at work, as usual.
[sighs]
[clanging continues]
- You staying or going?
- Staying.
Why don't you
take your jacket off
and make yourself to home?
- I don't want to.
- But it's hot out.
Why you got it zipped
up to your Adam's apple?
Aw, you got it on, don't you?
I'm meeting Liz for lunch.
Good move. Maybe by
then, you'll sweat through it.
It'll disintegrate.
A.J., she's testing you.
She knows that
shirt's not right for you.
She's trying to
change your image,
mold you to her specifications.
I never thought I'd
live to see the day.
[huffs]
Aah! Aah!
Unplug it! Turn it off!
No reason why I
should suffer alone.
You're wrong about Liz' motives.
She just happens to have...
questionable taste
in men's clothing.
There's no question
about that shirt.
- [sighs]
- [knocking on door]
Put your jacket on. Come on in.
Hi.
What can we do for you?
- Is that enough?
- For what?
- To hire you.
- Well, I'll see.
- [A.J.] What's your name?
- Patrick Jessup.
Hi. I'm A.J.
- That's Rick.
- Hi.
It's not enough, is it?
Well, what was it
you had in mind?
I counted 75
dollars and 38 cents.
That's what you got?
Well, uh, yeah, but
hold on a minute here.
I don't want to waste your time.
Gramps said to me once,
"You get what you pay for."
- How much you guys get?
- $400 a day.
Pete Rose, rookie card, mint.
Wow.
[Patrick] Worth $250.
[A.J.] What? That?
- Check Beckett's
if you don't believe me.
- What's Beckett's?
It's the baseball
card collector's Bible.
Henry Aaron, rookie card.
125.
[A.J.] Yaw... Now,
wait a minute.
You're trying to tell me that Henry Aaron
is worth less than Pete Rose? Forget it.
- Rose is mint.
- Aaron's just excellent.
Oh.
- Can you find him in one day?
- Find who?
Patrick, you can't hire us.
- Why not?
- Yeah, why not?
- Because he's not an adult.
- Oh.
Oh, that again. I hear that
all the time from my mom.
Yeah, me, too. Who is
it you want us to find?
Whoever it was who
killed my grandfather.
Hey, uh, come here, Patrick.
Let's sit down.
Let's take this from the top.
- Who was your grandfather?
- Martin Banfield.
Oh.
I'm real sorry, Patrick.
I've been a big fan
of Condor's for years.
But the police are
already working on that.
They're wrong.
They think it's a burglar.
- I tried to tell them.
- Tried to tell them what?
That it was someone
that knew Gramps.
- It had to be.
- Why do you say that?
The Condor was gonna
unmask Janus the Terrible.
Don't you see?
Janus?
Janus the Terrible.
[A.J.] 10, 11,
12,
13... Come on, Mrs.
Jessup. You can do it.
- 14.
- Okay. One more. One more.
- One more.
- Let's go.
Come on. Push, push, push, push.
Okay, we got it.
[sighs] Thanks a lot, guys.
[strained] Uh-huh.
That little wanker.
You know, it just amazes me
how I do not know what's
going on in his head.
I love my kid. It's just that I
have a hard time reaching him.
He's always been a little weird.
Withdrawn, you know? And he's
gotten worse since my dad was killed.
They were very close.
- Where's Patrick's father?
- Speaking of withdrawn,
he withdrew to Mexico
right after I divorced him.
How long have you
been pumping iron?
Oh, since about a month after
I walked out on my husband.
My shrink says it's
compensation for a failed marriage.
Come on, guys.
- Gentlemen?
- No.
- No, thank you.
- Oh.
Uh, anyway, as I was saying,
I'm real worried about my kid.
I've tried to get
him into counseling,
but he's fighting me
every step of the way.
To your health, gentlemen.
Now, has he told you about
this cockamamie theory of his?
Yeah, he, uh...
He mentioned that.
You... You sure you wouldn't...
Oh, no. Positive.
Well, it's a little bit off
the wall, wouldn't you say?
- Is not.
- Is too.
- Is not.
- Is too!
Um... [clears throat]
Come on. We'll be done
here in just a minute. Come on.
I want to show them this.
Oh, wow.
My grandfather was drawing
this when he was killed.
[A.J.] Who's this?
That is Janus the Terrible,
scourge of the universe,
the Condor's archenemy.
[whispering] Everybody
knows that, A.J.
[Patrick] See, the Condor's taken
the mask off Janus for the first time.
And my grandfather
started to do his face,
but Janus doesn't want
anyone to know who he is.
Janus is a real person,
and he killed my grandfather.
- He did it. Janus killed my grandfather.
- All right. That's enough.
- Now, come o...
- It's true.
Look what Janus says.
- "Could the mighty Condor"...
- Not that.
[Rick] "Go ahead. You'll rue
this day forever, Winged Avenger."
"Rue this day." That
means big trouble.
- All right. All right.
- You're wet.
Yeah, I know. Would you guys
be interested in
looking into this
from my son's point of view?
On the condition that you agree
to accept whatever they
come up with, no matter what.
- Well, officially, this is
still a police investigation.
- Hey, hold it. Hold it.
I'll tell you what. We'll look into
it for a few days, okay, Patrick?
- So this is it, huh?
- Yeah.
This is where the Condor
foiled evil all those years.
[Mrs. Jessup] That's
a family portrait.
That's my uncle,
that's my other uncle,
that's my aunt, and that's me.
I'm a Taurus.
You sure are. Aah.
When was the Janus
character introduced?
[Mrs. Jessup]
'63 or '64, I think.
Could we see a copy
of that issue, please?
That will be difficult.
You see, among the many
of my father's idiosyncrasies
was the fact that he never saved
any of the Condor comic books,
nor were we allowed to.
- Why was that?
- He never said.
But I think it's because he had
an inward contempt for
the selling out of his art.
You see, he began his
career as a serious painter.
Wait a minute.
Hold everything.
I bet I've got that.
I saved every Condor
comic book I ever bought.
[Cecilia] Well,
maybe if you'd tell me
what boxes you're talking about,
I'd be able to help here.
- What...
- It's a box with all my comic books in it.
- Oh, were they marked?
- Yes, they were marked.
I put on them: "Do not touch.
Booby-trapped with poisoned needles."
- Uh-oh.
- I don't think they're here.
You can stop looking, Rick.
[Rick] Why?
I threw out the box that you
booby-trapped with the poisoned needles.
Hey, I'm sorry.
I needed a place to
store my trampoline,
and there wasn't any room.
And I figured anything you'd
use scare tactics to protect
had to be worthless.
- Count to 10.
- Hey, come on.
It was a long shot we'd ever
need a comic book, right?
That is beside the point.
There wasn't just
The Condor in there.
I had Space Chasers
and Two-Gun George.
But they're worthless.
You know, A.J.,
deep down inside,
you are a very shallow person.
[clicking tongue]
[A.J.] Has the will been
executed, Mr. Raymond?
[Mr. Raymond] I'm a bit reluctant
to discuss Martin Banfield's will
with a couple of
private detectives
retained by an 11-year-old boy.
His mother hired us.
Which does nothing
to alleviate to concern.
Emotionally, Molly's about
a year older than her son.
Does that mean
you won't discuss it?
I'll tell you this much.
The will hasn't been executed.
Martin stipulated he
wanted two months to elapse
after his death before
the will was to be read.
- Why so long?
- To torture his children. Why else?
This was a very eccentric man.
It got to the point
that he was convinced
the Condor was his alter ego.
Given the Condor's
code of ethics,
which makes the Boy Scout Oath
sound like the
bylaws of Gomorrah,
it was rather difficult
for his children
to fulfill the expectations
he had for them.
Not unpredictably,
they all rebelled.
I think Martin loved his
kids. Just didn't like them.
But he had a good
relationship with Patrick.
Well, the situation
was different.
Being a grandparent... and I
can speak from experience...
One has a tendency
to be more tolerant.
In Martin's case, I
think he rather regretted
the way he'd
handled his own kids,
so he eased up on Patrick.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have an appointment
out of the office.
And be careful with Patrick.
Another reason that he
and Martin got along so well
was that they both
lived in a fantasy world.
- We'll keep that in mind.
- Thank you.
Yeah.
I've got some
information for you.
I don't think there's
anything to worry about,
so don't go off
half-cocked, you hear me?
[Patrick] Hi, guys. I
knew you'd come here.
- What are you doing here?
- I got to thinking.
Maybe I can help.
- [scoffs]
- Let's go, Patrick.
What do you say, fellas?
What can I do you for?
We're interested
in the Condor comic
where the character
of Janus is introduced.
- You got the edition number?
- No.
- 146.
- Yes.
146.
Let's see.
It's mint condition. $1,400.
We don't care about the value.
We're just trying to locate one.
I care about the value.
$1,400, mint condition.
- That's a lot of money.
- Nothing you own
is in mint condition.
That's right. First
condition will get you 650.
Why are they worth so much?
Because there was
only one wholesaler
who warehoused
Razzle Dazzle Comics.
Their facility burned
down five years ago,
and, you see, all
those Razzle Dazzles
that predated the fire
become almost priceless.
- Priceless.
- I'll bet you don't even
remember Star Chaser.
- [whispers] No.
- No, he probably doesn't.
I do. I used to own
quite a few of them.
[Man] No kidding?
- No.
- Fantastic.
You know that any one of those
today on the market
will get you two yards?
No kidding?
Uh, do you have 146, please?
Are you kidding? I wish I did.
I got a lot of Condors,
but I ain't got that one.
- Yeah. Where are they?
- Aisle 3, near the window.
Thank you.
All right. So I'm
sorry again, okay?
You rip them, you bought them.
Oh, no.
Look at this.
[Rick] "Janus, you have
committed terrible wrongs,
"and I beseech you
to stop bringing shame
"on those who love you.
"Step forward and confess.
This is your last opportunity."
- What's the date on that one?
- April '81.
Huh. It's another Janus story
like the proofs Patrick showed us.
[Patrick] The Condor and Janus
were always fighting about something.
Well, let's go.
Uh, yeah. Uh, just a second.
How much that thing cost?
What do I care? You're paying.
Uh, how much do
we owe you for...
$15. You got
yourself a real bargain.
Oh, yeah.
Thank you. Can I
have a receipt, please?
Good enough?
That'll do. Thank you.
You know, you
could do us a big favor
if you'd put the word out
that we're looking for 146.
Uh, give him a card, A.J.
- You want mint condition?
- No, that doesn't
really matter.
I'll tell you what.
Better yet, uh, just say,
"Anybody interested in 146,"
they can reach
us at that number.
"Anybody interested." Got it.
That's it. Keep moving, guys.
Hey, hey, hey. Come
on. Pick up your bike.
Oh.
I swear to goodness.
Let's go. Keep going.
Hey, uh, listen,
go get the truck.
I can't read and
walk at the same time.
Gives me a headache.
Boy, I swear, if you were
chewing gum, you'd fall down.
Let's go.
[tires screeching]
Look, maybe it was
some collector, you know,
who saw you buy the comic book.
I mean, those guys
are very competitive.
Maybe, but for a $15 comic book,
the end doesn't
justify the means.
Not unless they thought
it was something it wasn't.
- How's that?
- That's fine,
but the sore spot's up here.
- Oh, sorry.
- Mm-hmm.
Who's in charge of
your father's finances?
His attorney, Matt Raymond.
- How much autonomy
does he have?
- What's autonomy?
Um, I don't really know.
He made a lot of investments.
See, my dad was
paranoid about money.
Mainly because he didn't
understand high finance.
- What's paranoid?
- Caution in the '80s.
Look, you don't suspect
Matt of attacking Rick.
I mean, he's a pompous ass,
but he has the heart of a mouse.
- What's a pompous ass?
- Mr. Raymond, honey.
Look, besides, I
told my brothers.
They had a right to know.
Do you suspect them now?
This is ridiculous. I have
to talk to Rick and A.J.
- I want you...
- I hired them.
Well, I'm paying them.
Now go to your room.
- Get!
- I'm not going to my room.
I'm going to another room,
and I'm not telling you which one.
Well, fine.
Look, this has gone too far.
I feel responsible.
You got hurt, and it
might've been Patrick.
Well, it's up to you.
Personally, I resent
getting sap upside the head,
and I'd kind of like to
talk to the fella who did it.
All right. What happens now?
Well, was Raymond
successful with his investments?
Yeah. Yeah. Especially in
the merchandising of Condor.
Was Raymond in charge
of the merchandising?
Oh-ho, no, no.
My brother Scott is.
You know, even his marriage
seems to be working out.
Why I'll never know.
He is so immature.
Uh, Scott's wife.
- Mm-hmm?
- What is her name?
- Bimbo.
- Oh.
- I mean, Sherry.
- Mm-hmm.
Um, tell me something.
Any of you kids ever
in any kind of trouble?
Oh, penny ante stuff.
Nothing that being from the
right side of the tracks couldn't fix.
- Mm-hmm.
- It seems odd that he'd
choose a vulture as his hero.
- Condor.
- Vulture.
Dad always rooted
for the underdog.
Over the years, he
donated a fortune
to the Condor Preservation Fund
and other endangered species.
- Well, thank you very much.
- See you, Patrick!
That was worth having Town
check the brothers for priors.
Just because Janus is
the scourge of the universe
doesn't mean he has a rap sheet.
[Rick] Boy, Town
looks a little ruined.
What do you expect? It's his
third straight day of testimony.
Yo, Town!
[A.J.] Hey, come
on. Don't be that way.
- Hey, yo, freeze!
- [whistles]
What are those?
This is the price for
whatever it is you want.
- Policemen's ball?
- Yeah.
- 30 bucks a shot?
- Yeah.
Demographically, the, uh,
SDPD medium age is 24,
and the young guys tend to
get a little rowdy at these affairs.
Plus, we booked Mad
Max and the Crashers.
They got a big fee, and they
usually do a lot of damage to the hall.
Hey, you'll have a great
time. And it's deductible.
What is it you want?
That's right. You
don't have any money.
[Matt] They had nothing,
and you go and have a couple
of your goons muscle one of them.
And for what? A
worthless comic book.
Damn it! Did you
even stop to consider
the odds against it being
the Janus introduction issue?
Oh, so you don't
consider mugging as risky?
What's the matter with
you? They may suspect me!
Did that cross your mind?
Of course I've got an alibi.
What I'm trying to explain is...
[click]
[Man] Sherry, baby, you'll
never learn if you don't try.
[Sherry] It scares me.
It's too complicated.
[Man] Unlike you,
I'm losing my patience.
[Sherry] You're just being mean.
- I'm just being right.
- Golly, don't yell at me!
If you weren't so stupid,
I wouldn't have to yell.
But you're pretty.
Pretty and dumb.
I don't care about being pretty.
Okay, you're ugly and dumb.
[singsong voice] But I love you.
Come here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Meow. [giggling]
Meow! [laughing]
Snookums! Oh!
- Look, one more take. Just one more take.
- I'll try.
And we're all done. We go home.
- Okay, I'll try.
- Excuse...
Uh, Mr. Banfield? Hello.
- Yeah?
- Hi.
I'm A.J. Simon. This
is my brother Rick.
Oh, the private eyes, baby.
The ones that Mongo Molly hired.
Okay. What can I do for you?
Uh, answer some
questions, please.
Look, I gotta finish
these tracks by 5:00,
so let's do it in here.
- Come on. Come on.
- No. No.
[Sherry whining]
[sighs]
"You look surprised
to see me, Janus.
"Yes, your nefarious
scheme backfired.
"Ah, you're good, Condor,
"but not good enough.
"Take that!
[sinister laughter] What"...
Do you have any
reason to believe that you
or your brother or sister had
been cut out of your father's will?
"Ah! You"...
Wait, wait, wait.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Didn't I have a helmet
with a sword on it last week?
We're not doing
the stories in order.
Next week, we'll do one where you
leave the helmet in the Cave of Dell.
- Trust me.
- Listen, if you'd
just send me a script
a week in advance, I wouldn't
slow you down like this.
"I figured you'd be armed,
so I came prepared, Janus.
Ah, bury this."
I don't even know if
we were in the will.
"Aha! Your blade is"...
For all I know, he left every
dime to the trumpeter swan.
"Prepare for your demise!
"Not quite yet, Condor.
Wait until you see
the devil dogs."
[snarling]
[barking]
- What terrible...
- "Look, the devil dogs!"
What terrible wrong could one
of his heirs have committed?
- [sinister laughter]
- I don't know
what you're talking about.
Well, you were busted
for assault in '82.
Some dude made a pass
at my wife. Do you mind?
- "Devil dogs! They will trick you"...
- Hmm? Um...
What about the one in '79 or
the two in '78 or the one in '73?
Are you trying to make a case for
me committing the terrible wrong
the Condor keeps raving about?
My father cuts me out
of the will, so I kill him?
I oughta punch your lights out.
You sure you haven't
already done that once today?
Beat it. Go talk to Molly.
She got an abortion
when she was 18.
The old man wouldn't
talk to her for three years.
- And what about
your brother Nathaniel?
- He was never pregnant.
Ah.
Are you sure we didn't have
that helmet with a sword?
It just seems to me
out of context, Scott.
[A.J.] I've already talked to
your brother, Mr. Banfield.
Call me Nathaniel.
Scott called me a
few minutes ago.
Don't be offended.
He's just got a short fuse.
To tell you the truth, I have a
hard time working up a belly laugh
over you guys suspecting one
of us of murdering our father.
Uh, excuse me.
That was a conclusion that Scott
reached. We never made that accusation.
But you're nosing around
for some reason. What?
I, for one, am interested
in why somebody would
roust me for a comic book.
And two, we have an obligation
to satisfy our
client's curiosity.
A kid who spends most
of his time in Fantasyland.
Well, we all gotta
make a living.
Speaking of which,
you used to be in the
roofing and siding business?
That's right.
Apparently there wer e
a number of complaints
registered against you with
the Better Business Bureau.
Look, if I can sell
somebody a product
for three times as much as
it'll cost them someplace else,
that's a tribute to
my selling ability.
There's nothing illegal in that.
Come on, fellas.
Give me a break.
You know, the Condor ran up
against all kinds of
villains in his time.
Yeah, but they were
all brought to justice.
Janus always gets
away. I wonder why.
Let me know when you find out.
This is ridiculous. We
gotta get a look at that will,
'cause until we know who the
players are, we're just wasting our time.
Great. How do we
convince Raymond?
Wait till he goes to lunch.
[Rick] Okay, A.J.
A little bit slower.
- This is as slow as it'll go.
- Are we on the right floor yet?
- [Rick shuddering]
- Don't look down.
[dialing]
Hi. Yeah. Listen,
we just got a great opportunity
to put those two detectives
out of your misery.
Psst.
Did you find it?
No will. I think you ought to
take some pictures of this, though.
Come on. We're
pressing our luck.
Shh!
Aah!
Hang on, Rick!
I'm trying to hang on!
I'm almost there.
- Okay, I got you.
- [straining]
Grab my hand.
Swing your legs up.
Swing your legs up.
Yeah. Hang on. I got you.
Easy, man.
[chattering]
[Rick] That's just the kind
of stunt Janus would pull.
When the Condor was
climbing the Mountain of Doom,
Janus cut the power
to his antigravity shoes.
[A.J.] Well, you're
right about one thing.
This has to do with condors.
I'd like to know how
much Martin Banfield
really gave the Condor
Preservation Fund.
[sighs, clears throat]
[British accent] Hello. Yes. I'm
interested in making a donation, please.
Whom should I speak with?
Yes. Thank you.
Hello. I'm interested
in making a donation.
It's my understanding
that, uh, the Condors
are a great tax shelter.
Is that correct, yes?
Good. I should like to match
the largest single donation
you've had since 1970.
Yes.
[laughing] Right.
Yes, you see, ever
since my sugar futures
went down the toi-toi,
I've been looking for
a way to ease the pain.
Hey.
You ditching school?
Uh, teachers convention.
I just want to see
how things were going.
You're ditching school.
[A.J.] Y-Yes?
Are you sure?
I see. Uh, could you tell me
how much Martin
Banfield has donated?
We're old friends.
We're rivals, really.
I don't want to see the old goat
get ahead of me.
Ah.
Well, then, could you tell me
if he's made any
donations at all?
Oh, I see.
No record?
Yes, well, thank you so much.
I'll get back to you later.
Bye-bye.
The largest single donation
made by an individual
was $30,000, and
that was made in 1979.
I saw $100,000 on
that donations record.
Twice. You saw it twice.
But the Condor
Fund has no record
of any donations
by Martin Banfield.
- Maybe he did it anonymously.
- Maybe.
Exactly how much was
on the attached page?
I don't remember,
but it didn't come
to more than $2,000.
Well, he's probably
doing it through Raymond
to keep his name off
of any list of charities
that he's not interested in.
[phone rings]
Uh, Simon and
Simon Investigations.
Hey, this is Curt Rapp.
Oh, yes. Hi, Curt.
Hey, a guy just left my
shop a little while ago.
Yeah, he's a regular
customer, a real Condor freak.
Yeah, I gave him your
message, just like you said.
He didn't even bat an eye.
This guy would sell
out his country for a 146,
that is unless he
already owns it.
- Wouldn't he say so?
- Gary Gumowitz is
a real collector.
He's not gonna tell anybody what
he's got until it can serve his purpose.
Uh, G-U-M-O... W-I-T-Z.
Do you happen to know if
he collects anything else,
anything he might be
interested in trading for?
Baseball cards make
him weak in the knees.
- [Man] Who is it?
- Gary Gumowitz?
Can I, uh, hold it?
[sighing]
Man,
I've been looking for
the Pete Rose rookie card
for five years.
Where'd you find it?
I can't reveal my sources.
We understand you
have The Condor 146.
Oh, yeah?
- Says who?
- [Rick] Yes or no?
Yeah. But it's
not on the market.
Pete Rose, even up.
Pass.
Ty Cobb?
146. Uh, could
we see it, please?
Don't pick it up.
[Patrick] Hey, here he is.
[A.J.] There's nothing new here.
Let's see. What have we got?
We've got, uh, three
words underlined,
but that's just some
sort of comic book-ease.
He's not even
introduced as Janus.
The Condor gave
him that name later on.
Oh.
Besides, he's introduced
wearing a mask, so who cares?
Well, why did he call him Janus?
The Condor accused
him of being deceitful
because Janus was
passing himself off as good
when, in actual
fact, he was evil.
Oh. Like the Roman
god with two faces.
So, uh, what do
you want for this?
Forget it.
[A.J.] Ah. Wait a minute.
There is something different?
Uh, do you have another
issue with Janus in it?
Okay.
In the cape, before,
I saw all these symbols, right?
Uh, this math,
this music, science.
But here, two fish.
- Pisces. Birth sign.
- Who's a Pisces?
My mom's Libra. I don't know
what Uncle Scott and Nathaniel are.
Hey, what's going on
here? You want 146,
you can have him for Ty Cobb.
Good man.
Pisces.
It's got something to do
with their astrological signs.
There were signs on the
family portrait in his studio, right?
I misread you. I thought
you were just greedy.
I'm greedy?
For 42 years,
all I ever got from my father
was the back of his hand.
And for what? To
be disinherited?
I deserve a third of his estate.
I earned it.
Now, what did you have in your
office those detectives could use?
Not the will?
It's in a safe deposit box,
along with Martin's
codicil disinheriting you.
So don't get any
ideas I'm expendable.
Anything else?
- What?
- A list of his charitable
contributions.
So?
There were two lists...
One I sent to Martin,
the other was an exact record
of how much we skimmed.
What the hell did
you have that for?
To make sure you
didn't rip me off.
[phone rings]
Hello.
Meet me at the corner
of Woodburn and Cahill.
Where are you going?
Go back to your office.
And just keep in mind you're
in too deep to get out now.
[door closes]
Uncle Nathaniel's a Pisces.
Did he kill Gramps?
Well, we don't know for sure.
What time does
your mom get home?
Around 5:30.
Would you get her on
the phone for me, please?
Hey.
Combine the three words
and rearrange the letters,
it spells Nathaniel.
Yes, Mom.
Yes, right away, please.
Right. Thank you.
Why do you want my
mom to come home?
Patrick, just let us
handle this one, okay?
You guys must
think I'm pretty stupid.
No, we think
you're pretty smart.
Janus must be Uncle Nathaniel.
Why did he kill Gramps?
Had no choice, Patrick.
Why in the hell couldn't you
just leave well enough alone?
Get their guns.
- Come on. Let's go.
- Uh, what are you gonna do?
Don't ask. Just move it.
Patrick?
Okay, let's get it over with.
You don't expect
us to just jump?
One way or another, you
are going into the water.
Uh, how do you
plan to explain that?
I don't figure to have to.
It's gonna take a bullet
to get me over there.
I've got nothing to lose.
I killed my old man.
It was premeditated.
Yeah. Why did he
have it in for you?
20 years ago, I asked him
to bankroll me in a business.
He told me I had to get
the money on my own,
but he didn't approve
of my methods.
Look, tell you what,
you take the kid,
let us go, we'll keep
our mouths shut, okay?
- [grunts]
- Hey!
Hold it!
Nathaniel!
Patrick and I just want you
to know how grateful we are.
- Oh...
- Um, and there's somebody else
that wants to thank you.
A token of appreciation
from a fan of yours.
- Oh, my Lord.
- Oh, wow. That's wonderful.
- [A.J.] Did you do this?
- Uh-huh.
[Rick] Well, you
inherited your dad's talent.
Oh, some of it.
Well, it's nice to know the Condor's gonna
be airborne for a few years yet to come.
Oh... Oh, I don't think so.
[Rick] Why not?
I don't know how my dad
would've felt about that.
He'd be glad, Mom. He
didn't want the Condor to quit.
We'll see, honey.
I'll tell you, it's
a big day for me.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA