Simon & Simon (1981–1989): Season 4, Episode 3 - A Little Wine with Murder? - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

[Waiter] Are you ready to order
the rest of your dinner now?

[Man] This is the beluga?

[Waiter] Yes, sir. Is
there something wrong?

I'd be happy to bring
you another serving

with our compliments.

[Man] No. I'll have
the check, thank you.

Is Michael Eichler in tonight?

I believe he's in the bar, sir.

They're strong-arming us again

about the linen service prices.

In L.A. and Phoenix, too.

I don't think we have any
choice but to pay them.

Excuse me. My name is
Paul Costa, Mr. Eichler.

Unified Oil retained me as a
consultant to evaluate your restaurants.

Paul Costa. Of course.

Nobody told me to expect you.

This is my manager Jan Reynolds.

- How do you do, Miss Reynolds?
- Excuse me. I have to
get back up front.

Actually, this is my
second meal here.

But I kept my trip
intentionally quiet

because I want to
conduct an objective study.

I'm sure you understand.

You think I was trying
to sell my restaurants

to some hostile
foreign government.

I trust you find
everything to your liking.

Quite frankly, Mr. Eichler,

I found some very
troubling irregularities.

They may be
criminally actionable.

Of course, I'm forced to report all
of this to the corporate attorneys.

You're nothing but a
bloody damn company patsy.

And the next
thing you'll tell me

is they're going to
reconsider their offer!

I'll be preparing my report
tomorrow, and I'd like to include

your comments on some of
the particulars I've noticed.

If you'd like to discuss this
calmly, you call me at my hotel.

It's the Sherry
Palms, room 1147.

[knocking on door]

Hotel manager, Mr. Costa.

I've been holding
several messages for you.


[Rick] No more restaurant cases.

I refuse to sit in a meat
locker again for five days,

counting steaks till my bursitis

twists me up like a pretzel.

All right. No more meat lockers.

This is strictly up-front work.

Besides, I hear
the food is good.

Oh, yeah? Remember
the all-you-can-eat case?

I had no idea that
was all-you-can-eat.

Never be able to look another
macaroni salad in the face.

It's just not worth it, A.J.

Remember the fry cook who
came after us with a meat fork?

- No more restaurant cases.
- Two for lunch?

Yes, please. Are
you Donna Kendall?

- Yes, I am.
- Hi.

- Rick and A.J. Simon.
- Hi.

- Got a message
you wanted to see us.
- Oh, hello.

It's nice to finally meet you.
I wanted to buy you lunch.

How's your macaroni salad?

Well, we've got a
great pasta salad.

I love restaurant cases.

I love them, I love them,
I love them, I love them.

Thank you.

Well, what are we
looking at here?

We've been around
this block before.

Steak rustlers?
Silverware nappers?

- My partner was murdered.
- Ah.

Was Paul Costa the kind
of man who made enemies?

Sure. Every Thursday.

He could be pretty
scathing in his column.

But you know the byline.

Uh, Paul Costa. À la Carte.

- He was a major
food and wine critic.
- I knew that.

He was a perfectionist
and very opinionated.

But I sure am gonna miss him.

You said he was murdered.

What do the police say?

That they were sorry.

She never saw him
drunk. No one ever did.

- How well did she know him?
- She was partners

in a restaurant for
two years with Costa.

She knew him pretty well. You better
reopen the books on this one, Town.

- It's no accident.
- The coroner pegged

the guy's blood
alcohol level at .16.

That's drunk. Then the guy
takes a header into a coffee table.

That's dead. He was alone in his
room, and nobody saw him all night.

- That's an accident.
- That's too easy.

- What's wrong with easy?
- Hey, Morton.

You guys gotta be
nuts to come down here.

The old man's still burning over
the customer you borrowed last year.

Oh, come on. You trying
to tell me he's still holding on

to a petty grudge
for all this time?

We brought the guy
back in one piece.

Okay, two pieces. Big deal.

- May we look at the celebrity?
- Fancy food guy Costa?

- Nothing for you there.
- As a favor. You see, I was a fan.

- Yeah. I've read
his stuff for years.
- Sure.

Yep. Guy must've drunk his way
through half the Napa Valley last night.

- Any other unusual marks?
- [Rick] Any sign of drugs?

Napa Valley. Are you
saying he was drinking wine?

Oh, yeah. We found
some in his mouth.

A good dry red wine.

Tannic. Good acid.

High alcohol
content. Some aging.

I analyzed it myself.

I'd place it as one of the
better California Cabs.

A California wine. Are you sure?

Reasonably sure. Why?

Because Paul Costa
was a French wine snob.

He was despised by
the California vintners.

He literally wouldn't be caught dead
with a mouthful of California wine.

Oh, boy.

They didn't waste
any time, did they?

Well, once the coroner
ruled it accidental,

they were free to
pack up his stuff.

Probably already cleaned it.

We can check with the desk.

In the meantime, we should see if
something fell between the cracks.

Here you go.

Might as well start
sucking the rug.


[whirring stops]

- You know what's weird?
- What?

The people who check
in here right after this

will never know that just
before they were here,

there was a dead
body right there.

That's weird.

[whirring resumes]

- Hey.
- What?

Got a hair.

Were you over here earlier?

It's blonde.

It's a long shot, but
it's about all we got.


We ought to complain to them
about their room service here.

I can assure you. No one
saw Mr. Costa with a blonde,

a brunette or a redhead.

How about a slightly
balding older woman?

Mr. Costa was alone. And
even if he had company,

I wouldn't be talking
with you about her

or him or whatever.

The Sherry Palms respects
the privacy of its guests.

That's nice. But
this guest is dead.

We respect them, dead or alive.

[sighs] Okay.

I can understand that.

However, we are representing
his business partner,

so we would like to claim any
property that he might've left here.

That briefcase
remains in the safe

until claimed by a
bona fide next of kin.


Thank you for your help.

Gee, there are sometimes when you can
actually feel the game turning your way.

- Is it turning our way?
- The guy on the desk tonight

is known around the
hotel as Shakey Jake.

[Man] Look, this is the 6th time
you've changed your wake-up call now.

[stammering] Okay. 8:37.

Okay, sir. Thank you.

- [sighs]
- Hi.


I'd like a room with
a double bed, please.

Certainly, sir. If you'll just
fill this out for us, please.

Okay. And if you could
put that in your safe.

- Surely.
- Hey, I got two words for you.

- Excuse me?
- Hot water.

- I... I beg your pardon.
- Hot water! None!

Zero! You turn the little
knob marked "H"... nada!

- Shh. All right.
- There hasn't been
any hot water

in the bridal suite
since this morning!

- Quiet.
- Now, the little woman and I
are on our second honeymoon.

The last thing we want to
do is take a cold shower.

- I understand that.
- There's no hot water
in this hotel?

- None!
- This is the first
I've heard of it.

I have called every
hour on the hour!

- [stammering]
- I'm tired of complaining
about this!

Now, as I said, my wife and I
are on our second honeymoon.

We have saved for
three years for this trip.

Three years we have
saved for the bridal suite!

Three years my wife has been waiting
to get into that Valentine-shaped bathtub!

Into what, cold
water, I ask you?

- Just... - That's a shame.

I think I'll try another hotel.

No, no, no, no,
sir. Please. Please.

If you'd just let me check this
gentleman in, I'll solve your problem.

That's what people have been
saying to me all day. "One moment, sir."

- "We'll get right on it, sir."
- One moment, sir.

- Just one moment, please.
- "One moment." Just like that.

It's happening as we
speak. I've heard it all before.

[A.J.] I sympathize.
I am out on my feet.

- [Rick] A cold shower
would pick you right up.
- [A.J.] Yeah.

Aah, the hell with this place.

I should've gone to Cabo
San Lucas to begin with.

- It's nice down there.
- Yeah, it is. Hey!

To hell with this. I'm
getting the little woman.

We're packing our duds and getting
out of here. Do you understand me?

I'm tired of waiting. [groaning]

- Are you all right?
- [gasping]

Uh, uh...

- Hey! Oh, my God.
- [gasping continues]

Hey! Hey! He's
had a heart attack!

- Um...
- Oh, no.

- Oh. Oh.
- Water.

- Sir, I promise. I'll get
the water fixed. I swear to you.
- Water.

- To drink.
- I'll get it. I'll get it.

No, no, no. Sir, you can't go
back there, because there's...

- Pills. Pills.
- I'll get the water.

- Where are they? Where are they? Pills.
- Pills. Pills.

- [coughing]
- Just relax. Just take it easy
and try to stay calm.


Oh, gosh. Oh, wait a minute now.

- My life's flashing
before my eyes.
- Oh, no.

- Oh, look.
- Where?

There went my senior prom.

- Oh, come here. Easy. Easy.
- Here we go.

- Water. Water.
- Water. Water.

This man needs to see
a doctor immediately.

- Ah. Look, come here.
- There's a doctor on call.

No, no, no. I'm gonna take him to a
hospital. He has to go to a hospital.

I'm gonna take him in my
car. Get him on his feet.

- There we go.
- Okay, sir.

- Now, take it easy. No, no, no.
- Okay.

- You're gonna go with him.
- Sir, put your arm around me.

That's it. Okay. Come on.

- Let's go. Let's go. That's it.
- Easy now. Easy. Easy.

[phone ringing]

I'll call your
wife, sir, for you.

No, no. No, no. Just
see to the hot water.

She's waiting there in the tub.

A woman with
straight blonde hair.

I don't know who that could be.

My hair is curly.

I couldn't even get this
stuff straight if I wanted to.

It's okay.

I mean, that hair could belong to
somebody who was in the room before Costa.

It could've come from a chambermaid.
We don't know. It's all right.

[Rick] I found some
notes for an article

that he was doing on
dining out in San Diego.

Chez Françoise. Didn't you say
that was Liz's favorite restaurant?

Yeah. She likes the duck there.

"The duck was crisp.

Unfortunately, it was
crisp inside, not outside."

Uh, I've got some notes
here marked "nouvelle."

- Marked what?
- Nouvelle.

That's the style of food
that's popular these days.

Paul might've been
doing some research on it.

It's also a chain of
expensive restaurants.

- There's one here in town.
- That makes some sense.

Do you have anything
about Nouvelle in that article?

[muttering] Nope.

Well, apparently he
wasn't wild about the food.

He's got, "Sauce...
a watery mess.

Presentation... much
ado about nothing."


Oh, "Endive," and then
he's got a question mark.

And then, "Check
texture, chanterelles,"

and another question mark.

Then he's got, "C
footnote... Larousse"?

He hated the food.

The Larousse is the
bible of gastronomy.

Paul would check it if he
was skeptical about something.

Anybody know a Cody Dexter?

He supplies wild
mushrooms to restaurants.

Paul wrote a wonderful story
on him for a magazine last year.

Here's a map into the
Tierra Blanca foothills.

Is that where he
grows his mushrooms?

Somewhere up there.

Paul wrote that he
keeps moving around.

He's a fanatic about protecting

his secret growing ground.

[Rick] They're
all over the place.

Boy, I can see why chefs
come from all over the country

to buy from this guy.

[Man, distant, echoing] I
wouldn't eat that if I were you.

You're liable to
see God... or die...

or both.

Now, why don't you walk
backwards the way you came in?

Dexter Cody?

- Cody Dexter?
- [Cody] You're talking to him.

Uh, we're private investigators.

We wanted to talk to
you about Paul Costa.

He's dead.


But he was just
here a few days ago.

He didn't happen to come up here

with a blonde woman,
by any chance, did he?


He always stopped by for a
visit whenever he was in the area,

checking out my new crop
of the trumpets of death.

Trumpets of death... that's
what we call black chanterelles.

I'm the only supplier
in the whole Southwest.

$14 a pound.

He didn't happen to say who else
he was gonna visit on his trip, did he?


But you could ask someone
over at Unified Oil in Irvine.

An oil company?

They took him on as a
consultant for something.

He was asking me about my
customers. Nothing specific.

Just wanted to know
what restaurants I supplied.

Yeah. We found
that list in his papers.

I wish I could help you.

Paul did me a big favor when
he put me in that magazine.

It tripled my business.

Of course, it tripled
the raise by thieves, too,

so I had to scatter a few
sucker toadstools around.

Aren't you afraid of...
making a slight error?


Why, I know these
little babies like...

my own children.

Here. Take that home with you.

That's a mushroom, mister.


Yeah. That's a mushroom.

Uh, there's one other...

thing that we could, uh...

[Man] I understand that
this is about Paul Costa.

Yes, well, the question is,

what was a gourmet writer
doing working for an oil company?

I am prepared to cooperate
with you, within reason, of course,

but I want to make
one thing perfectly clear.

If you, in any way,
publicly associate

the unfortunate death of
Paul Costa with Unified Oil,

we will sue you

and your children for
generations to come.

Okay. Fine. We all know
the shape of the table.

Can we get on with it now?

What was Paul Costa
doing for you in San Diego?

Well, we're in sensitive
negotiation for a chain of restaurants.

He was seeing to it that our
money would be well spent.

Which chain?

I am not at liberty
to disclose that

while negotiations continue, by mutual
agreement with the present owner.

But aside from not
telling you the name,

I have no restriction
on your questions.

In return,

I would like to know any
information in his notes

that might pertain to the
work he was doing for us.

We got this list of restaurants
from a mushroom supplier.

- Is your place on there?
- No.

Okay. Uh,

we have some of his notes about
a restaurant called Nouvelle...

No comment.

Thank you.


What did Costa have to say about
these, uh, unnamed restaurants?

Unfortunately, he died before
he could tell us anything.

Was anything
interesting in his notes?

Well, the only thing that
we can tell you at this point

is that Nouvelle is making
money hand over fist.

Thank you.

Thank you.

[clears throat]

I don't care who your
boss's relatives are.

At these prices, the quality
of linens had better improve,

or I am canceling your service,

and no amount of muscling
is going to help that.

Excuse me.

Yes. 8:30 will be fine.
Thank you. Good-bye.

Unified Oil is ready to close.


- I told you they'd go for it.
- [squeals]

Oh, Michael, I learned very
early to never underestimate you.


You call this clean?

- Sebastian!
- I want him out of here, now.

Get your things together.
I'll have your check ready.

- ♪♪ [piano]
- [sighs]

Good heavens.

Michelangelo put in a few
spare hours on the ceiling.


Enjoy your dinner.

- Excuse me.
- Hmm?

- Would you like a tie?
- You sell ties?

We give loan-outs. We
do have a dress code here.

Actually, we weren't
planning to stay for dinner.

We were just
hoping to talk to, uh,

you, I guess, Miss, uh...

Reynolds. Jan Reynolds.

I'm the manager.
Something wrong?

Well, we understand that you were
with Paul Costa the night he died.

No. I... I was just introduced
to him briefly in the bar.

Henry, check on
17, will you, please?

They're complaining
about the soufflé.

You're with the police.

We're private investigators.

We've been retained by
his partner at La Bella Donna.

Yes, I've met her.

Look, boys, this is a
very busy time for me.

Did you see Costa
again later that evening?


You weren't in his hotel room?

I think you better leave.

I'll call you if I need a tie.

We've got real trouble.

Two private investigators
know I was in his room.

I didn't want to be involved
in this in the first place.

How can you eat pancreas?

- Sweetbreads. And I like them.
- Yeah.

- You didn't have to eat them.
- I had to watch you eat them.

I had to watch you slurping
up spaghetti noodles.

Would anybody
like any more coffee?

- No, thank you.
- No.

Look, guys, I've gotta run.

I got an all-night stakeout
downtown. I want to check on my boys.

I'll tell you what you need from
Jan Reynolds. A strand of her hair.

If it matches the one
you found in the hotel,

then we got something
to talk to her about.

- Sounds like fun.
- How can you get that?

We'll get it.

You guys only know the restaurant
business from the front door.

I know who comes in the back.

Like the maître d's who got their
training on the docks of Marseille,

and the friendly food
suppliers from the syndicate.

Don't be fooled
by the asparagus.

Please be careful. Please.


Can I give you a ride anywhere?

Uh, no. I think I
better stay here

and take care of
some loose ends.


You get some rest, all right?

I will. Thank you.

- Thank you.
- Bye.

[phone ringing]

La Bella Donna. Donna speaking.

This is Jan Reynolds. I'm
manager of the Nouvelle.


I must talk to you alone.
It's about Paul Costa.

I know who killed him.

Uh, could you hold
on a minute, please?

No. I... I... I can't talk.
I'm leaving for the airport

in 30 minutes.

Can you get over
here right away?


Just you.

I'll leave the
kitchen door open.


Jan Reynolds, are you here?


[gasps] Oh, my God.

What are you doing here?

You killed her.

The DA's not ready to
seek an indictment yet.

But you know that little bulldog.
It's just a matter of time with him.

The hair you found in Costa's hotel
room matches Jan Reynold's hair.

That's all he needs
to lash up a case.

Come on, Town. That's
not even a good frame.

- I mean, what's the motive?
- Think like
a district attorney.

Jan Reynolds kills Costa.

Donna here kills
Jan for revenge.

A lovers triangle. It
happens all the time.

Then your case
already is falling apart.

Donna's relationship with
Costa was strictly professional.

Tell him, Donna.


We had something
very private between us.

There was no jealousy.
There was no possessiveness.

We worked together
for a long time.

It was just a natural,
simple progression

of our friendship.

And you met him two years ago?

Yes. He pulled me
out of a tiny kitchen

in a country inn
outside of Escondido.

He said I was one of
California's great chefs.

He staked me to my dream.

I didn't kill her.

What's Eichler's story?

He was with your friend
from Unified all night

until a message from Jan
brought him back to the restaurant.

The night Costa was killed?

[Downtown] Eichler admits
seeing Costa at the restaurant.

After that, he was home alone.

Or helping Jan
Reynolds kill him.

Look, this has to be all connected
with the Unified deal somehow.

Now, Costa wasn't gonna
give a good report to Nouvelle.

Wait a minute. You don't kill someone
because they don't like your food.

If you're talking about a price
tag in the millions, you do. Maybe.

Put yourself in
the buyer's place.

I mean, what do they care if the
restaurant's serving lousy food?

They're making big bucks.
Now, that's what they care about.

All right.

Maybe Costa was worried
about something more

than just lousy food.

We're gonna have to go in
there and see for ourselves.

[Man, Woman speaking Italian]

[doorbell rings]

Mr. and Mrs. Carmine Fanzione?

- Yes?
- [together] Congratulations!

- Yay!
- Oh!

- Congratulations!
- Congratulations!

What is this? Who are you?

- Tell them who we are, Bobo.
- Mr. and Mrs. Fanzione,

you are the grand prize winners
in Waiters Magazine Sweepstakes!

- But I don't even subscribe.
- You do now. That's one of the prizes.

- [speaking Italian]
- What else have we won?

Sparky, tell these nice
people what else they've won.

Thank you, Bobo. It's the answer
to your dreams, lucky people.

It's romance,
adventure, excitement.

It's every married
couple's wish.

- It's a second honeymoon!
- [horn tooting]

[speaking Italian]

Waiters Magazine is proud to send
you, Mr. and Mrs. Carmine Fanzione,

on an all-expenses
paid trip to...

♪♪ [theme song from It's a
Small World attraction at Disneyland]

- Disneyland!
- Yeah!
- [exclaiming in Italian]

Just think of it, spending your
second honeymoon with Mickey Mouse.

[speaking Italian]

- Donald Duck!
- [speaking Italian]

- Goofy!
- Goofy.

- Bugs Bunny!
- No Bugs Bunny.

- Bugs Bunny.
- [A.J., Rick] No Bugs Bunny.

No Bugs Bunny.
- [A.J.] But all the other
loveable critters

from the wonderful
world of Walt Disney!

- [speaking Italian]
- Take it away, Bobo.

Thank you, Sparky. Now, folks,

here are your tickets to the
Magic Kingdom, completely paid for,

and two first-class
bus fares to Anaheim!

- Oh!
- Now, you'd better hurry up
and get changed,

because you're leaving tonight!

- Tonight?
- [A.J.] Tonight!

- But I have to go to work.
- No. No. It's all been
worked out with Mr. Eichler.

He only expects you to
be back next weekend.

And bring him
Tinkerbell's autograph.

[speaking Italian]

Get out of that uniform.

[both speaking Italian]

- [chuckles]
- They bought it.

I didn't know his
mother-in-law was so ill.

Yes, they called from
Naples at 5:00 this morning.

I thought Carmine's
mother-in-law was from Florence.

Thank God she survived the
trip to the hospital in Naples.

Carmine wouldn't leave till
I promised to fill in for him.

I haven't done this for years, of
course, but how could I refuse?

Then you're not a
waiter. Good day.

No. I teach waiters.

The Roosevelt Waiters
Academy in Chula Vista.

Well, Mr. Roosevelt,
you just might do.

Are you familiar with
the dishes we serve here?

[speaking French] For example?

Sliced piece of duckling
cooked to the pink,

served in red wine
sauce made from [French].

Yes, that's it.

Sebastian, this
is Mr. Roosevelt.

He's filling in for
Carmine for a few days.



Have you never picked
up a salmon before?

They've usually
been in a tin can.

You pick it up.

You don't play
basketball with it.

You'll learn to
tolerate Sebastian.

He's brilliant, but he's not the
easiest man in the world to work with.

I've survived for
eight years now.

Oh, bravo.

So another new man to
cause me problems, eh?

Sebastian will answer any questions
you might have about the menu.

Look over the wine list. If there's
anything unfamiliar, ask me.

- Very good.
- [metallic clanking]

Everybody, can I have
your attention, please?

I have a very important
announcement to make.

This morning, I signed an
agreement to sell Nouvelle

to some very good
people at Unified Oil.

- [murmuring]
- Now, nothing changes.

Your jobs are all secure.

I have agreed to stay on as
an active consultant and host

to make sure that everything runs
just as smoothly as it always has.

My only regret is that we
won't have my good friend,

Jan Reynolds, here to help us.

I know you all join
me in mourning

her tragic death.

Thank you.

[no audible dialogue]

Here's table 4.
They're in a hurry.

Table 7's ready for
their main course.

And they will get it
when it's properly cooked.



[snaps fingers] Boy.

Excuse me.


Take these to
the, uh, back room.

I didn't have much time
to keep an eye on you.

- Everything go all right?
- Most satisfactory, sir.

Good, good.


I, uh, picked up something about

the linen delivery service
being run by the mob.

But the same guys supply 50 to
60 of the best restaurants in town,

so I don't see that
being Costa's big secret.

- What are you looking at?
- Well, we're serving

black chanterelles
for dinner tonight,

but I don't think
these are chanterelles.

Isn't Cody Dexter the only
supplier in the Southwest?

Yeah, and the Nouvelle
chain ain't on his list, either.

- Is something the matter?
- No. Just cleaning up here.

That's all. Excuse me.
Don't want to get on your...

Pardon me.

I took the liberty of
checking the produce, sir.

I always advise my waiters

to stay on top of
produce quality.

Well, that's Sebastian's
purview here.

Why don't we let
him worry about that?

Quite so. Excuse me, sir.



- Cody!
- Dexter Cody!

[Cody] Watch where
you're stepping.

Sorry about... Where are you?

- Hi.
- Hi.

Uh, we were going over the list
of your customers in San Diego,

and Nouvelle isn't on that list.

That's 'cause I
don't sell to them.

Well, except they served black
chanterelles for dinner last night.

They did?

Well, I'd sure as
hell like to see them.



So they're calling these
black chanterelles, huh?

Yes, sir.

Well, let me tell
you boys something.

These are laboratory rats,

born and bred in
chemicals, mass produced.

You can bet I wouldn't take
one of them home to Mama.

So it's a cheap substitute?

It's cheap. It
ain't no substitute.

- Well, I just...
- [whispering]


How does he do that?

[A.J.] If Eichler puts $14
mushrooms on the menu

and then uses the kind you
can buy for a buck a pound,

by the time he's through
chopping them and saucing them,

I couldn't tell the difference.

[Rick] Aah, I still can see

killing somebody over mushrooms.

It's not just the mushrooms.

Costa had a question
about the caviar,

and that goes for
50 bucks an ounce.

You're right, A.J. You don't kill
over mushrooms. Only over caviar.

Now, wait a minute. Wait. Look,
what if the whole menu is a fraud,

from beginning to end... the beef,
the produce, the whole shooting match?

Yeah. And if the prices
are outrageous enough,

not too many
people ask questions.

Yeah. And if they do, the
waiters have instructions

to make it right,
courtesy of Nouvelle.

Nobody I know
turns down free food.

You can fool all the people some of
the time, some of the people all the time,

but I guess you can't fool
somebody like Paul Costa.

[A.J.] Costa was about
to blow it wide open.

A multimillion-dollar restaurant
chain goes down the drain,

and that is motive for murder.

[Rick] Well, I guess what we
gotta do now is lift a few samples.

I'll have some spinach
noodle appetizer,

some cream of mushroom soup,

the stuffed breast of chicken
with the raspberry sauce,

broccoli with hollandaise sauce,

double-baked potato, and, uh,

a chocolate soufflé.

And, uh, waiter, do you have
some Sweet 'n Light for my coffee?

Yes, of course, madame.

Thank you.

[no audible dialogue]

Uh, I don't know. I don't
think this is gonna work.

The air conditioner. I can feel
the draft already. Can't you?

How about a table over there?

- Of course.
- Thank you.

Chocolate soufflé.

- Thank you.
- [whistling softly,
snapping fingers]

Would you like to take
a look at the menu, sir?

What are your specials tonight?

We have a grilled swordfish
sautéed in white wine

and served with a Roquefort
cheese and chocolate sauce.

Uh, I'll stay on the
conservative side.

Let's see. Beluga caviar,
Russian style, to nibble on.

Then I'll have the pasta
salad with the Spanish truffles.


And I'll have the fillet
with the black chanterelles.


And if I may, sir, I
would highly recommend

the pâté de foie gras.

Okay. Put me down
for one of those.

Pâté. Thank you.

And, um,

since I'm on someone
else's expense account,

I think I should also try one
of your better French wines.

One... iced tea.

The water aerobics, Harvey.

I'm telling you, it's given me a
completely new image of myself.

Harvey, I could swear
I just saw that man

dump a bowl of
caviar in his pocket.

You won't believe it, Harvey,

but since Martha's husband
left her for that beach bunny,

she's put on 20 pounds.

Goose liver.

He just put goose liver
in his pocket, Harvey.

Here we go again.

Watch him, Harvey.

Oh, my God.


Harvey, he did
it with fettuccini.

I can't stand it. Waiter?

- Yes, madame?
- Waiter.

That man over there...

He's just put all of his
food into his pockets.

The gentleman sitting
by himself, madame?


He's the food
critic for the Times.

We're not supposed to notice.

If this is beluga, then
Nikita Khrushchev

played third base
for the Chicago Cubs.

I think they did have a
Russian in the infield one year.

Look, you can see for yourself.

They should be
round, the same size.

- [Downtown] Yeah. The color's off, too.
- Yeah.

Caspian Sea, nyet.

Santa Barbara, maybe.

This whole lunch tray
is grade C, Lieutenant.

- Thanks, Morton.
- Yeah. Sure.

Thank you very much.

Change your mind about dessert?

Lieutenant Brown, SDPD.

I'm afraid I have to take you
down to the station, Mr. Eichler.

What for? When?


You're making
some kind of mistake.

We don't think so.

We can prove that you've been
passing off low-quality food as top grade.

Paul Costa discovered it. It
was enough to get him killed.

- I don't know what
you're talking about.
- Yeah, we've heard that before.

- Let's go.
- Look, I... I... I don't know
anything about a food fraud.

I didn't know what Costa's
report was going to say.

We were gonna meet
again the next day.

I told Jan to ring him up
and arrange a meeting.

Let's not make
this embarrassing.

I'm a businessman.
I built Nouvelle.

I expanded it into three
states. I sold it for a profit,

but I never had anything to
do with the buying of food.

These two have been here.
They can tell you it's the truth.

Everything was
ordered by Sebastian.


You don't ever leave the kitchen
in the middle of dinner service.

And your next job... if you ever
get one... you remember that.

What did I tell you before about
being on time for your orders?

- What is this?
- All these years,
you've been stealing from me.

Haven't you, Sebastian?

You and Jan together.

And then you killed Paul Costa
before he could tell anyone.

Are you mad?

What happened with Jan?

Did she panic when we showed up?

Is that why you
had to kill her, too?

I don't have time for this.

- [Woman screams]
- [patrons clamoring]

- [screams]
- [Rick] Hold it!

Just stand back. I'll kill her.

I really will. I don't
have anything to lose.

[speaking foreign language]

Don't worry, darling.
He's not gonna hurt you.

If he even moves, I'm
gonna blow his head off.

Give it up, Sebastian.
There's no way out of this.

- [Sebastian] Now, I'm taking the girl.
- [Woman] No!

And if you don't want her to get hurt...
- [Woman screams]

[patrons murmuring]

You all right?

No English.

You're welcome.

They're gonna love you in
the San Quentin commissary.

Come on.

I guess if you order a
hamburger in this place,

you gotta specify cooked.

Your burger's coming.
That's the lieutenant's.

I'm in the mood
for steak tartare.

How can anybody be in
the mood for raw meat?

I'm always in the mood for
raw meat after I make a collar.

Listen, guys, I just want to thank
you all so much for what you've done.

- Aw, shucks.
- Oh, you don't have to do that.

I really am grateful.

- You get the feeling that you
and I just left the table?
- Yeah.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA