Simon & Simon (1981–1989): Season 4, Episode 1 - C'est Simon: Part 1 - full transcript

The brothers with the help of Downtown Brown pose as international arms dealers to rescue their Mother and her Fiance from terrorists abductors.

Is it wrong for me
to bring you here?

No.

I never thought I'd ever see it.

[Announcer] Tonight
on Simon & Simon...

You got 15 minutes to get ready.

Get ready for what?

Flight to Paris.

Mom called. Henri disappeared.

She got scared out of her mind.

I have a word for
you from Henri.

Oh, is he all right?



We must be discrete.

Mom!

No!

Rick, wait.

A.J., my mother has
just been kidnapped.

I don't want to hear we
might be in a situation

where we have to
use these things.

- Hit the deck!
- [gun shots]

When the deal is consummated,

both of you will be set free.

You're lying. You
plan to kill both of us.

Come on. Haul it. Haul it. Move.

♪♪ [theme]

Come on, A.J.
What's wrong with it?



So far we got 50 bucks in tips,

and the guys with
the no-cut contracts

haven't even showed up yet.

All we got to do is
watch for a blue Rolls.

Come on. You got to admit
this is not your normal repo.

No tire irons
clutched in furry fists.

No droolers with beady eyes.

It's 2 grand. That's like
taking candy from a baby.

A big baby. And let's not forget

his license plate
reads "Eat 'em up."

I got no problem with that.

All we're going to
do is park his car...

across town at the bank.

What time you got?

6:30, same as you.

Yeah, uh, 6:30... Paris
is nine hours ahead.

[both] That makes it
3:30 in the morning.

Yeah, you're right. Give
her another hour and a half.

Rick, I think this
bed check thing

is getting a little
out of hand here.

Oh, great.

I have called her
two nights in a row.

Once at 2:00 in the morning
and once at 4:00 in the morning.

Our mother is in a foreign
country with a strange man.

What's so strange about Henri?

Come on. He's intelligent.
He's charming. He's rich.

He's Dad's war buddy.

Ah, and you weren't there
on the steps of the rec room

when Dad was telling his
poker buddies about him.

Whiny little phrases like

"Old Henri could handle
seven in one night"

or "The only guy to make
out during an air raid"

sort of stick in my mind.

Any friend of Dad's
bears close watching.

Henri.

Tell me, was it wrong
for me to bring you here?

No. Jack talked about
this place so often

I feel I know it.

I just never thought I'd see it.

Hard to imagine
it's been 40 years.

It's still a lovely
place, but remember,

a château is like
a beautiful woman.

She hides her stars.

[speaking German]

She's right.

Revenge is a luxury we can
indulge in after the invasion.

Halt.

[gunshots]

[speaking German]

À Paris.

[speaking German]

Good luck, Henri.

Au revoir, mon chéri.

I want you to have this.

In case anything
should happen to...

[Henri] After that, we
fled into the mountains,

but the Gestapo knew
just where to find us.

We were all captured,
including Elena.

[cheering and applause]

Jack.

Henri.

[Man] Henri?

Serge.

Keep your hands
up, you lousy Kraut.

You're going to talk,
or it's the firing squad.

Now, who is she?

Rick, A.J., you get
in here right now.

Oh, you are in
big trouble, mister.

If your father gets home and
finds out you've been in his things...

I'll put it back before
he comes home.

Daddy. Daddy.

Hey, hey. How are you doing?

Hi, Dad.

Hi, there.

- Hi, sweetheart.
- Hello.

How was your day? The
boys been reasonably good?

Jack, who is she?

Who is she?

It's a long story.

Before I met you.
It's... It's a long story.

Boys, why don't you just
run along and play, okay?

Daddy and I have
something to discuss.

Okay.

Run along.

Are they mad at us?

Nah. Come on, A.J. Come on.

[Cecilia] He hadn't told me
because he didn't want to hurt me.

He had a new life, a family.

[Henri] Now we have no secrets.

And you never told your sons?

Never, it was private. Jack
didn't want them to know.

Henri, I want to
meet her. I must.

It's important to me.

Please at least
give me her address.

If you insist, but first, I
have a business meeting.

You're always having meetings,

and I don't even
know your business.

I buy, I sell. Nothing grand.

Here we go.

Good evening.

Look, I'll be out
here all night.

If there's anything you need out
of the glove compartment later on,

just come on out.

It's way too late to get this thing
back over to First Continental.

Besides, what's the hurry?

They're going to
be pleased as punch

we got it back to
them without a scratch.

No, let's quit
while we're ahead.

Oh, come on, A.J.

Now, we're just lucky that

Ramrod decided
to stay home tonight.

- This is Ramrod O'Leary's car?
- Yeah, that's right.

Ramrod O'Leary, the monster man?

Mm-hmm.

All-American, all-pro,
all-pterodactyl...

All-broke. Poor guy, he's been
living way beyond his means.

You know, these
dumb football players,

they do that all the time.

Eyes get too big
for the stomach.

Everything on him is too big.

Except his brain.

[chuckles]

Aw, come on, A.J. He's
actually kind of a tragic figure.

I mean the poor guy.
His knees are shot.

He's about to be
traded. He's over-the-hill.

No, he's... Ha,
he's in the backseat.

That's not funny.

That's not funny.

All right, now look,
Ramrod, I can explain this.

I really can explain this.

We ran out of parking
space up there on the hill...

Are you guys hungry?

Pull over and I'll
buy you a steak.

Pull over.

Madame Simon.

Fine, Simon. I don't care how
you pronounce the damn name.

She hasn't answered
her phone in two days.

¿Comprende? Aw, geez.

Listen, is there somebody
there who speaks English?

You speak English?

That's great.

Is there somebody there who
speaks better English than you do?

What?

I am speaking English!

Wait!

Hello, madame? Excusez-moi.

Je suis américain.

J'ai besoin de quelqu'un
qui peut me dire

comment je fais contacte
avec ma mère, Cecilia Simon.

I beg your pardon.

Yeah, I speak English.

Well, I'm trying to get in touch
with my mother, Cecilia Simon.

She's a guest at your hotel.

- Ask them what time...
- Oh, she has?

I see. Oh, good.
That's wonderful.

Ask them what time
she got in last night.

I'm sorry. What was that again?

Ask them if she had

room service this
morning and for how many.

I'm sorry.

Okay. No, no
message. That's fine.

Right.

Thank you very much.

Bye-bye.

- What did he say?
- She.

She said that Mom's
been in and out,

she has picked up
your 5,000 messages,

and if you don't
stop bugging her

with this strange, new,
oedipal obsession of yours,

you're going to ruin her trip.

I just wanted to make sure she's
having a good time. That's all.

If that's oedipal, call me Rex.

Okay, Rex.

Look, Henri is the
first steady man

in Mom's life since Dad died.

Let's not blow it for her, okay?

I'll just be a minute.

Okay, how about
something nice and cold?

How about something
nice and warm?

Oh, well, if I must.

A.J.

There's a man in
your den packing.

That's just my brother,
Rick. Packing's his hobby.

A.J., I'm not going
to say I told you so,

but you got 15
minutes to get ready.

Get ready for what?

Flight to Paris.

Mom called. Henri disappeared,

and she's about
scared out of her mind.

[A.J.] He wouldn't
just drop out of sight.

Henri's got to be in
some kind of trouble.

[Rick] You're damn
right he's in trouble.

The guy dumped our mom, A.J.

I told her to go right to
the American Embassy

and to tell the French cops
everything she knows about this guy.

[A.J.] What more can we do?

When we find Henri,

we can explain to him
how to treat our mother.

See here, A.J.? They
didn't open one single bag.

We could've brought the guns.

- Well, for peace of mind.
- Yeah.

Five years' worth of peace
of mind is what you'd get.

It is against the law to
bring guns into France.

Hey.

- Uh.
- Wh...

What do you suppose
that's all about?

Beats me.

It's probably got
something to do with tips.

I mean, they know
we're Americans.

How do they know that?

Uh...

Thank you. Bye.

Ok, c'est bon.

Here we are in the middle of
the most beautiful city in the world.

You've had your nose glued
to a map ever since we left.

What is wrong with you?

I want to know where we are.

Same reason I've been
studying the money.

Before I eat something,

I want to know how
much it's going to cost me.

I know foreign countries,
A.J. Believe me.

If it weren't for this map,

this guy could drive us
around in circles for hours,

and we'd never
know the difference.

Paris hasn't changed much
since I was an exchange student.

The most beautiful city
in the world. It's amazing.

Hey, where are you going?

Hey!

Hit the deck!

[gunshots]

Tough town.

This is the address, madame.

You see? 43 Avenue
Georges V. Yeah.

Thank you. This is yours.

Oui?

I believe you're a friend
of Mr. Henri Renard.

My name is Cecilia Simon.

Yes, I know who you are.

A.J., I think there's been
some kind of mistake here.

I mean, maybe it's
a language barrier,

but are you sure
that they understand

that we were the
shootees, not the shooters?

I think they're
clear on that, Rick.

Good, then why are
they holding us here?

I mean, this is the
country that gave us

the Statue of Liberty, right?

Liberté, égalité, fraternité.

The problem is
I think they think

that we belong to
the Blanc Trinity.

In other word, chapeau.

Yeah, it's a castle or a
big house in the country.

No, no, that's a château.
Chapeau. It means hat.

Wonderful.

Chapeau blanc means white hat.

Isn't that interesting?

Well, that just happens to
be the name of some kind

of North African
terrorist splinter group.

A.J., I'm going to have plenty
of time to learn the language...

Chapeau blanc.

They think we're the terrorists?

Pardonnez-nous,
tous ces inconvénients

mais nous étions obligés
de mener une enquête

avant de vous libérer.

Ah, c'est vrai?

I think we're getting out.

Si ça ne vous gêne pas,

dites-moi, qu'est-ce
que c'est passé?

It's too soon to tell,

but it may have been revenge.

Your description
of the taxi driver

matches a Libyan wanted in
connection with the recent bombing.

Uh, time out.

If they wanted to
hit the taxi driver,

why didn't they follow the
taxi driver when he ran?

See, he'd be a real
easy target then.

Mr. Simon, terrorists are not

the most logical
people in the world.

They'd fit right in here.

Now, as for your missing
person, Mr. Henri Renard,

we shall treat him as a very
important missing person.

You have my word.

Please enjoy your stay in Paris.

Yeah, merci.

Inspecteur, plaisir.

Gentlemen.

Henri promised me that I
would never have to meet you.

He hasn't broken his promise.

I made him give me your address.

I was going to write
you a long letter.

This is as hard for
me as it is for you.

I wouldn't be here if
Henri weren't in trouble.

Henri has often
seemed to disappear.

I think you're worried, too.

I know you love
him. Please help me.

I'll make some calls.

Emilie, I know this
is a shock for you,

my coming here like this,
but please don't hate me.

You're the only one who
knows the meaning of this.

Not Henri, not even my boys.

I want you to have this.

Au revoir.

Ils disent que tu as
demandé du café.

Rick, we just came
halfway across Paris.

It's going to take more
than 20 cents to cover it.

Pardon, monsieur.
Nous sommes américains

et c'est la première
fois que nous...

Thanks a lot.

Forgot his tip.

I doubt it.

Bonjour.

Monsieur.

S'il vous plaît,

voulez-vous appelez la
chambre de Mme. Simon

et lui dire que
ses fils sont ici?

I'm sorry, Mrs. Simon is out,

but she left a message for
you to wait for her in her suite.

Suite?

Yes, the finest in the hotel.

A.J., who's paying for a suite?

Mom can't afford
that kind of money.

Who's paying for a suite?

Henri insisted on paying for it,

if you must know.

I'm so glad to see both of you.

[Cecilia] You can imagine
how surprised I was

to walk through that
door and find all this.

He said he had a meeting.

I thought it was
an office building.

It's like he dropped
off the face of the earth.

Hey, Mom, what exactly
does Henri do for a living?

My, I think he's in
exports or imports.

Yeah, I'd like to know
what he's importing.

- Rick.
- Oh, come on, A.J.

A guy has a secret meeting,
and then he disappears.

Give me a break. People
don't just disappear.

Somebody usually disappears them

and usually for a
very good reason.

Now, Mom, I know you
don't want to hear this,

but I got to tell
you what I think.

The guy's a flake, or
worse, he's a crook.

And if you're thinking about
marrying him or something

just because he's French

or he's rich or
something like that,

no reason so make a decision you
might regret for the rest of your life.

[laughs]

That's funny? What
I just said is funny?

We've just... We've
heard it before, Rick.

She hasn't heard it before, A.J.

I said it before.

[A.J.] To you.

When you were going to run off
and marry Betty Carol Simmons.

A.J., that is not
the same thing.

How do you know?

He was listening on the
stairs, but that's not the point.

What is the point?

You were so mad at me for
not trusting your judgment,

you ran away.

And you would've
married Betty Carol

if she hadn't come to
her senses and said no.

It just proves
that you were right

and I should've
listened to you all along.

Rick, you were 15
years old. I was 37.

A boy at 15 can be wrong.

Honey, I love you and
respect your concern for me,

my darling son, but I
know what I'm doing

and I'm a pretty damn
good judge of character.

And the point to all this is

I deserve your trust, don't I?

Yeah.

Just wanted to get that
off my chest. That's all.

Fine.

From now on, I'm a
client. Treat me like one.

Agreed?

Yes, ma'am.

Agreed?

Agreed.

All right, I've just hired you.

What do you do first?

Well...

[Rick] We ask you
a lot of questions.

So ask.

Where were you last night

and the night before at
all hours of the morning?

None of your business.

Bonjour.

Would you mind terribly if
I joined you for a moment?

I recognized your chapeau
blanc from across the boulevard.

Charles Gilbert at
your service, madame.

You went to the police already?

Not the police, in fact.

Sûreté Nationale.

Sort of like your FBI.

And why is the Sûreté
interested in Henri Renard?

Oh, the Sûreté has no
interest in Mr. Renard.

It is you we are interested in.

It seems you are private
detectives in America

licensed to carry weapons.

You have been in jail on
several occasions, huh?

So when I saw you sitting
here I thought to myself,

"A little advice.

Enjoy your vacation. Do
not look for Henri Renard."

I will personally handle
your missing Mr. Renard.

And that there will be no need

for you to endanger
your very fine sons.

You may call me at any hour.

Please do not feel you
are in a foreign country.

We will find Mr. Renard for you.

Now I will leave before
I spoil your supper.

Bon appétit.

What was that all about?

I don't know, but if he
was trying to scare us off,

his plan just backfired.

Now, now, take it easy, A.J.

Remember we're
in a foreign country.

We got no backup here.

Take it easy?

We're going to take this
town apart brick by brick

until we find Henri.

And we're going to have to start by
going through his apartment, Mom.

We'll need his address.

Hey.

Found Dad.

[A.J.] Oh?

Oh, wow.

I wonder who she is.

Dad never said anything
about women being in his group.

That's because we only
heard half the stories.

By the time he got to the
good parts, we had to be in bed.

The smile on Henri's face.

Boy, they look like
they were having

the time of their
lives, don't they?

Some of them were.

Half these guys were dead
by the time the year was out.

[A.J.] Right picture,
wrong name.

[Rick] Top of the line
phony passport though.

Boy, a lot of hot spots here.

Central America, countries in
Africa you don't want to go to.

This reads like a Michelin
Guide to revolution.

Hey, Rick?

Hmm?

Is this stuff
what I think it is?

You could take this
out of your knapsack

and shoot down an F-16.

I think Mom's boyfriend's a
pretty high-level arms merchant.

Means we've reached the
same unfortunate conclusion.

Let's talk in English.

Serge has managed to acquire
for sale an immediate delivery,

five Iriadni warheads.

How is it possible?

The government would
never approve such a sale.

Of course not.

The sale has infiltrated

the consortium that
builds the warheads.

And I want to find a buyer.

A buyer with cash.

But first, he needs
the guidance system.

Without it, the
warheads are useless.

So he asked me to provide
him with a guidance system.

And you said?

I said no.

I don't sell arms to factions
that are not legitimate.

And Serge, he's
asking such a high price

that the buyer would
have to be a terrorist group,

so I said no.

Now, what I want you to do

is to get in touch with Serge.

Tell him you can provide
him with a guidance system.

And set a meeting.

- That's all?
- That's all.

I'll be at the meeting.

And I'll turn him over
to the government.

I'll do as you ask.

Good. Where can we meet?

At the Parc Monceau
metro at 7:00 tonight.

Fine.

Hé, petit.

[Man] Certainement, madame.

Now, A.J., we got
to tell her about this.

The guy's got a phony
passport and he packs heat.

We got to tell her.

No, Rick.

Look, we are treating
her like a client.

Clients are on a
need-to-know basis,

and this she does
not need to know.

This was at the front desk

when I picked up
my key after dinner.

"Tonight. The
hotel bar. Signed H."

Is that Henri's writing?

No.

Well, are you sure
they got the name right?

Maybe it's from somebody else.

It has to be him. It must be.

It's okay, Mom. We'll go.

Maybe there's nothing
to worry about after all.

I mean, if he sent the
note, he must be okay, right?

[sniffles]

I'll, uh... I'll go change
and fix my face.

We'll be down here.

A.J., we got no choice.

We're going to have
to hit the streets.

I can wait for him. You go.

- Mom, I think...
- No.

What's the problem?

Mom, there are guys going
to be hitting on you all night.

Now, you shouldn't
be sitting here alone

all dressed up like that.

Well, I think that's the sweetest
thing you ever said to me.

Now, get out of here.

Come on, Rick.

And you think she likes me best.

♪ This old night life ♪

♪ Ha, is my forte ♪

♪ It's the fun time
had before day ♪

♪ I've paid my dues ♪

♪ So if I choose ♪

♪ I got a right to
sing the Paris blues ♪

♪ I've claimed the Eiffel Tour ♪

♪ Stood in sudden ♪

♪ Ha, April Showers ♪

♪ Smell the smoke ♪

♪ In every cafe ♪

♪ And I must have
toasted every Beaujolais ♪

♪ Paid my dues ♪

♪ So if I choose ♪

♪ I've got the right to play ♪

♪ The Paris blues ♪

[applause]

Yeah, this looks like
the right kind of place.

Excusez-moi,
monsieur. Je désis entrer.

Je pense pas que ce soit un
endroit pour vous, monsieur.

What did he say?

He said he doesn't think
this is our kind of place.

Ah, you know, that
piano sounds real familiar

like maybe I heard
it some place before.

Like the old bar in Dinay.

Well, in that case, I think
this is our kind of place.

Yes, I do.

Bon soir, monsieur.

Howdy. You know how to
make Mexican Boilermaker?

Je ne comprends pas, monsieur.

Uh, comprennez-vous
a shot of tequila,

a glass of ba-ma-ba?

Un petit coup de tequila
avec un verre de bière.

Ba-ma-ba?

Yeah, it's what the Vietnamese
call this French beer, 33.

If this place is
what I think it is,

a lot of these guys didn't
make it home from Nam

for one reason or another.

Mercenaries and arms
dealers walk the same streets.

Sure you don't
want one of these?

Uh-huh.

Un champagne, s'il vous plaît.

Et un champagne.

C'est combien?

C'est offert par la maison.

What did he say?

It's on the house.

Uh-huh.

Who's the house?

I think I'll go play my hunch.

Henri.

Henri.

[laughing]

Excuse me, guys.
I'll be right back.

I've got to call Mom.

- I already did that.
- You already did that?

Yeah, I already did that.
There's no word from Henri.

Agh.

You seem to be
having a great time.

Yeah, well, some of these
guys are new buddies of mine.

Uh, give me that
picture of Henri.

[chatter]

Excuse me. Yeah,
he's been in here.

A couple of the guys do
Soldier of Fortune work.

They say Henri's an arms dealer.

[sighs]

Listen, I made a contact.

I figure we go out,
we shake the trees,

and see what will fall out.

[mumbles]

Sprechen Sie Deutsch?

Afrikaner?

What did he say?

[mumbles]

[speaks German]

All right, we're interested
in low-level assault aircraft.

Both chopper and fixed wing.

Have no need for nuclear,

but we would like
to be able to retrofit.

Ah, retrofit, ja.

Retrofit. Ha ha.

Uh, we're going to need 5
million rounds of ammunition.

Now, what I want here is a 223.

I can have the prices
for you in an hour.

Good.

However, I would
be curious to know

how you happen to come to
me with such a substantial order.

Well, the truth is we'd
rather have done business

with our regular
man, Henri Renard,

but something happened to him.

We had an appointment
with him two days ago,

and he didn't show up.

We heard your names
and decided to look you up.

I see.

You wouldn't by any chance
know what happened to Henri,

would you?

No.

Well, when you see him,
tell him we were here.

Oh, also, you can tell him
that if our little war goes well,

he can come and visit us
in the capital in the spring.

I will tell him that.

Good.

Will you be at your
hotel in an hour?

Yes.

I'll phone you there.

- All right.
- Bye.

I'll wait at the hotel.

You follow the toad and
see where he takes you.

Okay.

I'll be in touch, all right?

You do that.

The mustache, the mustache.

[Man] Excuse me, Mrs. Simon.

Yes?

I am terribly sorry
to have to disturb you

with such an annoying
inconvenience,

but there is a matter of
the credit on your room.

I don't understand. The credit?

Yes, the credit card which
Mr. Renard give us for your room.

Now it reads "Limit reached."

We'll have to make
some arrangements.

Oh, well, that's no problem.

I can give you one
of my credit cards.

Ah.

Thank you, madame.

Excuse me, madame.

I have a word for
you from Henri.

[gasps]

Well, is he all
right? Where is he?

We must be discrete.

Follow me. I have a
car, and I'll pick you up.

Hey! Mom!

Hey, Mom!

Mom!

No, you! No!

Rick!

Get down here quick.

What the hell's going on?

Mom got into a car with Gerard.

What?

He was following you.
I was following him.

I was across the street.

By the time I realized
what was happening,

it was too late to stop her.

And then when
she tried to get out...

he hit her.

All right, now, Rick, let's
not go off half-cocked.

Rick, damn it. Rick, wait.

A.J., my mother has
just been kidnapped.

If we don't deal with this smart and
fast, we may never see her again.

- Let go of me, A.J.
- Rick, smart and fast.

You said it. We are in a
foreign country with no backup.

So let's start at the beginning
like in the phone booth.

You made him?

In the park with the camera.

Yeah, and on the
Champs d'Elysées

when Inspector Gilbert
paid us a surprise visit.

Sounds like a good beginning.

Naturellement, monsieur.

Au revoir.

Now, you had damn sure better
try and speak English, buddy,

or you're going to be
writing on a chalkboard

and eating your
meals through a straw

for the next six weeks.

Yes, I speak English some...

Then you're going to take us

to whoever it is
you report to now.

No, that's impossible.

[gagging]

Now.

Now, okay.

He's over there.

It's Gilbert. You
had it right, A.J.

What's he doing here?

We are searching the apartment
of the man who took your mother.

All right, Gilbert.

You've had a man on us

ever since that night on
the Champs d'Elysées.

On the contrary.

My man was on you the minute
you stepped foot on French soil.

Then the taxi driver?

One of mine.

The guys with the machine guns?

It was no accident
you were not hurt.

Okay.

Who is Henri Renard?

Don't tell me the Sûreté
is not interested in that.

I believe you have
already surmised.

Mr. Renard traffics weaponry.

As for our interest,

I'm afraid that's a
matter of state security.

Inspector, do you have a mother?

Or were you born
full-grown and obnoxious

out of one of the heads of
one of the statues in the park?

Gentlemen, did I not tell you
to remain as tourists in France?

It was you who put
your mother in danger.

That's not the point.

The point is that
she is in danger,

and we are trained
investigators.

Now, don't stonewall us.

Let us work with you.

But I don't need your help,

and I have superiors
I must report to.

How do I explain I am
helping two Americans

get themselves and
quite possibly a loved one

into very serious trouble?

You are a long way from home.

Right now home for us is
somewhere in this city, buddy,

and we are not about
to sit on our derrières...

See there? I'm picking
up the language already.

And wait for you to tell us

that our mother
is dead or worse.

Now, if you don't
work with us on this,

we will shake this
city by its heels,

and you had better hope

that you don't fall out
of one of its pockets.

Do you read me, mister?

Since apparently you were born

with most of the
sense in your family,

let me give you some advice.

Go back to your hotel.

Let us handle this.

Henri.

Henri, I don't know
what this is all about,

but I know those men brought
me here to threaten you.

I can't help unless you
tell me what's going on.

I don't believe they'll hurt me.

But I do.

And they know it.

Why this terrible struggle?

They have won,
my darling Cecilia.

And what I fear is
that even in losing

we both may not
get out of here alive.

[Woman] I'm sorry,

but the French
authorities have assured us

they're doing everything
they possibly can.

Yeah, everything they
can to keep us in the dark.

Look, is there no way
that we can demand

that they let us in
on the investigation?

With the Sûreté involved?

That would have to
come from over my head.

Fine. Who's the resident
spook around here?

I beg your pardon.

You know, the man
from the company.

The guy who's not
supposed to be here but he is.

Or is that over your head, too?

I think you've seen
too many movies.

Fine, have it your way.

It shouldn't be too hard to
find him and blow his cover.

Okay, let's start with
the embassy staff.

You know, gardeners, chauffeurs.

They got a secretary.
Could be a she.

Uh, wait a minute.

I know you're worried.

What can I do?

All right.

There's a man in the States
that we need over here.

What's his name?

Uh, Brown. Downt... Uh,
Lieutenant M.P. Brown.

San Diego Police Department.

Close, Marvin. Damn close!

Another 30 seconds and
this town would've been

minus one more dance studio.

I'm going to have to do
something about you real soon,

Marvin, or the folks around
here won't have any place

to go learn the finer
points of glide waltzing.

This is your property.

No, I was just passing by,

and I heard the
samba music stop.

And then this man
comes running out of there

burning like a Christmas tree.

That was me... chasing you!

Gotten on to this, chump.

From now on, I'll be
one step ahead of you,

behind, and beside.

In other words, you have torched
your last tango in San Diego.

Paris.

I know what I'm talking about.

Don't you have
something else better to do

than come around here
and edit my harangues?

Sorry, Lieutenant.

I mean they want
you to go to Paris.

What?

"Lieutenant Brown..."

[muttering]

"A man trained in all
forms of anti-terrorism,

"familiar with
international arms trading,

who's spent half
his life in Paris..."

Moi?

Paris.

When are you leaving?

A.J., I'm not going
to say I told you so.

I didn't say that. I
didn't say anything.

Yeah, I know. I know.

It's about the 100th
time you haven't said it.

I already looked there.

You already looked here?

All right, so it's
my fault, okay?

Like hell it is. We're
not joined at the hip.

I could've done some checking
if I'd wanted to, but I didn't.

What's this?

I never thought I'd be doing

a black bag job
on my own mother.

It's about all
we've got right now.

There's got to be
something in here

that'll tell us something.

There's something
that isn't here

that might tell us even more

if we knew what it was.

Hey.

Yeah?

We may have a hot one here.

It's a man's handwriting.

It's French. The
bar's through the 7.

Emilie?

Mom ever say anything
to you about an Emilie?

No, could be one
of Henri's friends,

but she said she didn't
know any of his friends.

Where did you find this?

It was in Mom's jacket.

Look how it's all crumpled up.

It's like she was squeezing it.

That kind of
anxiety doesn't come

from the casual acquaintance.

Do you think Henri
is cheating on her?

I don't know.

If he is, I hope he's still
alive when we find him

because I'm going to kill him.

All right, look. We don't
have a lot of time here,

so just let me
handle this, okay?

Well, let's walk
lightly here, okay?

I mean we don't know
how she fits into all this.

Look, are you sure you
don't want me to talk French,

see if we can get
us in the door here?

We don't need Berlitz here.

What we need is Woody Hayes.

Bonjour. Hi. Two people's
lives may depend on this,

so I'm going to
make it very simple.

Je ne comprends pas l'anglais.

Look, I know you
understand English

because the lady
who had your address

doesn't speak any
French, and I got the feeling

that you two had a
little chat recently.

Now, I know that
your name is Emilie.

I know you know Henri Renard

because we got your address
right here in his handwriting.

Now, my name is Rick Simon,

and I want to know
what's going on here.

You are on the wrong floor
is what's going on, Mr. Simon.

My name is Emilie.

If you're looking for
me, I live up here.

[A.J.] A man named Henri
Renard has disappeared.

He wrote your name and
address down on a piece of paper,

and he gave it to our mother.

Henri told me about your mother.

Do you have any idea why he
would've give you her address?

Is there any reason I should?

Do you know her or not?

Which way would you prefer?

What I would prefer is some
straight answers. That is what...

Look, we don't want to get
off on the wrong foot here.

I beg your pardon.

It's an American expression.

It means we're kind of sorry
to barge in here like this,

but we think Henri's
in some sort of trouble.

Oh, what Henri told me is
he's in love with your mother.

Now, being in love
always leads to trouble.

You want to tell me exactly

what your relationship
with Henri is?

That locket has been in
my mother's jewelry box

for 30 years.

Where is she?

At the hotel, of course.

If she were there,
we wouldn't be here.

But I don't understand.

She's been kidnapped.

My God, I had no idea.

Well, now you do.

Tell us how that thing
got around your neck.

Your mother gave it to me.

You asked for a straight answer.

Now let me see if I
can't give them to you.

Henri Renard is
like an uncle to me.

My mother has been
executed by the Nazis

immediately after I was born,

but perhaps your father
told you all about this.

Explain what?

Well, no, you were...

Well, we were both too
young to understand it.

By the time we were
old enough, he was dead.

My mother gave this
locket to your father

because she suspected

someone in the group
was a double agent.

She wrote a clue to
the person's identity

at the back of the picture.

Turn it over.

"Lapin."

Uh, rabbit.

Yes, and so when Cecilia
came to Paris to visit Henri,

she gave this to me.

But I don't understand
what it means.

And I am afraid that
the only two people

who would know what
it means are dead.

My mother and your father.

Come on, A.J. Let's go.

Uh, sorry for barging in
here and thinking that you had

something to do
with the kidnapping.

Sorry.

Wait.

I want to help you find them.

[chatter]

Uh, police. Police.

Américain.

Dick Tracy.

Papiers, monsieur.

No problem. Papers.

Papers. State Department.

Arrêtez-moi ça tout de suite.

Okay.

No problem.

Got half the firepower
known to man.

You must have packed the
entire contents of our gun safe.

No, those are my shoes.

Hey, expensive shoes, man.

The firepower's in here.

I had to promise
the State Department

that I'd register them
with the Paris Police.

Handle that all
by yourself, lady?

So look, guys, I don't
want to hear about

we might be in a situation where
we have to use these things.

We're in a situation where we
may have to use those things.

I said I didn't
want to hear that.

Show him the Iriadni.

Okay, now Henri is a perfectly
legitimate arms dealer, right?

You're not going to find these
in the current French catalog.

Now, we figure that Henri
has either got the Iriadnis

or he's in contact with
someone who's got them

if he's still alive.

Do you know anybody who
would like to get their little hands

on some ordnance like that?

Terrorists.

Pick a group, any group.

Yeah, it would be real
easy to bag a jetliner

carrying somebody you
don't like with one of those.

Get a lot of attention.

Cute.

- Here's our car right up here.
- Emilie.

It's going to be a little
bit of a tight squeeze,

but I think we can all make it.

Emilie Dubois, this is
Lieutenant Brown, Downtown.

- Emilie.
- Nice to meet you.

I think what we'll do is we'll
drive you back to our hotel

and let you sleep off
the jet lag in our suite.

Keep the door locked.

We've got some things
we have to do with Emilie.

And then, after a couple hours,
we'll come back and pick you up,

view the bidding, and
we can get down to work.

Sounds good to me.

I'll just take my car.

I got it. I got it.

You guys want to bring the
luggage a little closer to the limo?

If I only knew what
I was looking for.

Anyone you recognize.
Any lead we can follow.

Here, look. Take
a look at this group.

Oh, but, A.J., most of
these people are dead.

Your father, he looks like you.

Uh, like both of you.

Freeze!

Come on. Drop it!

Pistola down! Come on. Move it.

A simple wake-up
call... This is ridiculous.

Let's see who you
are. Come on. Mask off.

Straight off, off.

Uh, follow, uh... Quoi?

Police. American G-man.

Uh, connaissez, uh, Kojak?

- Ah, Kojak.
- Oui, oui, Kojak.

Uh, me, same thing,
only Downtown Brown.

Je vais, auto, Downtown Brown.

Oui, dans le centre ville.
Alors, viens, viens vite.

I would wake him, but
no doubt he needs to rest.

Give him the message. I'm
going to the meeting now.

When the deal is consummated,
both of you will be set free.

You're lying.

He knows you plan
to kill both of us.

You were a traitor 40 years
ago, and you're still a traitor.

You're the rabbit.

As you wish to believe.

But give him the message.

This man.

I've met him. I'm sure of it.

Where? When?

With Henri a few years ago.

At a private club on
the Champs d'Elysées.

Take us there.

I can't. It was a
very private club.

I don't even think they
allow women as members.

Okay, we'll take you there.

- But it is impossible.
- No, it's not.

Bonjour, monsieur.

Bonjour. Mr. Boyer.

There is no one by that
name on this list, monsieur.

Of course there is no one
of that name on the list.

We don't want everyone to know
that Mr. Boyer is here, do we?

Now, I'm Frank Hansen,

and I'm Mr. Boyer's
right-hand man.

I don't think I understand.

[sighs]

These French, I swear.

The minister was supposed
to have covered all this.

Okay, look, just call
the Elysée, all right?

Mr. Boyer always
has a corner table.

He likes to be able to
watch the entrances.

He's got this thing about
people getting behind him,

you know what I mean?
All those merger battles.

[phone rings]

Oui, j'écoute.

Oui.

Oui, oui, je comprends.

Bonjour.

Oh, Mr. Boyer, good to see you.

How are we doing today?

Very fine, Mr. Boyer.

We have a lovely table
for you in the corner.

That's wonderful, darling.

Right this way, Mr. Boyer.

All right, Frank, I'm here.

Yes, sir. Indeed you are.
It's very good to see you.

Thank you, darling.

There he is.

[Rick] So anyhow, the
Texan says to the Israeli,

"You know, I can drive
from morning till night

and still be on my own
land." The little Israeli says,

"Yeah, I had a car like
that once, too. I got rid of it."

[Emilie laughs]

What do you think?
Should we flush him?

Do we have any choice?

Bonjour, monsieur.

Why don't you go over there
and remind him of who you are.

See if you can hear
what he's saying.

There's no need to
insult the little lady

just because you don't
like champagne, buddy.

Parlez-vous any English?

No.

I'll pay for any
damages to the truck.

"Visez, visez, allez,
comprehendez."

That's Italian. Let's go, go.

He stood alone. No contact.

It's a gray
Mercedes. You got it?

Arrêtez! Arrêtez!

Get down.

Get down! Everybody, down!

New players in the game.
Can you make them?

I can't tell from up here.

- A.J.
- Go!

Hé, qu'est-ce que vous faites?

Oh, oh, oh, ça va pas, non? Hé!

Uh, how do you
say rent in French?

On veut bien louer votre bateau.

D'accord.

Come on. Haul it. Haul it. Move.

Haute vitesse, haute vitesse.

Hey, hey, hey.

Non, non, monsieur,
tournez, tournez.

Emilie, tell him to turn around.

De l'autre côté, vite!

[yelling]

Go around the
island. Over there.

No, go around Notre
Dame. Head them off.

Ils veulent piloter.

D'accord.

Henri, comment ça va?

Bien.

Aah.

Mom.

Oh, thank you.

Rick.

Is everybody in one piece?

We're fine.

What on earth are
you doing here?

It's a long story.
And a loud one.

A half a block of Paris won't
be in the guide books anymore.

Maybe you could come to
the States for a visit sometime.

I don't think so.

Well, don't have
such a closed mind.

You'd probably like it.

I mean, America's probably
not as bad as you heard.

Hey, look.

There are a lot of
very special places

I'd like to show you.

Sometime?

Maybe.

Sometime.

What do you think
he's saying to her?

Oh, that he loves her.

She'll marry him.

Quit the arms trade.

Settle down. They'll
live happily ever after.

What do you think
she's saying to him?

No.

Yeah.

She'll be flying back
with you this afternoon.

Oh, I'm sorry. I know
you're disappointed.

During the war, your
father and I used to say,

"Never be disappointed to
find that you are still alive."

I don't get it, A.J.

She liked me.

I can tell when a woman
likes me, and she liked me.

Every time it started
happening, she'd just turn it off.

[sighs]

It's weird.

Half tempted to sell the boat,

fly back over there, and
start working on cracking her.

Don't.

Well, I deserve that, Mom,

but I think that there
could be something special

between Emilie and me.

There already is.

No, I mean something real.

I've never met anybody
like her before, and I just...

And you never will again.

Would you stop
interrupting me, please?

Will you listen to me, please?

She's your sister.

- Whoa. She's my what?
- What did you just say?

Sister.

Why didn't she ever tell us?

Why didn't you ever tell us?

Well, your dad and I never knew.

Emilie's mother was pregnant

when she was
captured by the Gestapo.

Jack thought she
died carrying the baby.

And your father carried that
guilt with him to his own grave.

It must have been hard on you.

Sister.

We got a sister.

[laughs]

Wow.

So many things I
want to ask her that...

So many things I
want to say to her.

I can't believe she just
doesn't want to know us.

[ringing]

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