Simon & Simon (1981–1989): Season 4, Episode 14 - Almost Foolproof - full transcript

How about giving a nice
girl the shirt off your back?

- It wouldn't fit you.
- I know a hundred guys it will.

[Announcer] Tonight
on Simon & Simon...

- Whoopee! The king's here!
- Hail the king.

Hey, wait a minute! What
are you guys doing with him?

- What are you running for? You're a cop.
- I'm working without a net.

What kind of a joint
is this where the

guests are so drunk
they can't even stand up?

- This is private property.
- Two of our patients
are going to die tonight.


Oh, no! [yelling]

♪♪ [theme]

Okay, now, the
bus leaves at 3:00.

I will be back here with
our tickets at 2:30 sharp.

And no drinking, right?

No. I don't want to
drink no more, sort of.

What do you mean "sort of," Mac?

You got a wife and kids
who wanna see you again.

You rascal. You kept
that a secret from me.

And now that I know, I'm gonna
make sure that you remember.

Do you really want a drink?

No, I don't want
one at all, for now.

[chuckles] Well,
that's a start, I guess.

2:30. You watch
out for him, Louie.

Oh, I'll keep an eye on him.

If he makes a move
for a bottle, I'll stop him.

And drink it
yourself, you figure.

[chuckling] Okay.

I guess I'm just gonna
have to trust the two

of you to keep each
other out of trouble.

Have you got a place to
sleep for a couple of hours?

Sure, Lolita. We got someplace.

Okay. Here.

Go get a couple of beds at
the Wellington Arms. My treat.

Hey, thanks. We'll pay you back.

I know you will.

You guys are gonna love
it up there. It's beautiful.

- Okay, I'll see you soon.
- Bye.

- Three.
- 3:00.

You fellas look like you
could use a drink, huh?

- No, I quit drinking.
- I'll give you
all the wine you want.

- It won't cost you a cent. Come on.
- Oh, really?

Yeah. Just come
with us. There you go.

[Man] This is KLOW Talk Radio,

and the subject is sports.

Okay, it's time for
our sports trivia quiz.

We're taking the 13th caller.

And today's jackpot
is worth $850.

The number to call is 555-4100.

But don't... don't
make that call

until you hear the sound
of the cash register.

[cash register clangs]

♪♪ [fanfare]

All right. Let's find out

who that lucky 13th caller is.

Hello. [echoing] Hello.

Hello? Anybody there?

- Hello? Anybody there?
- Hello?

Hi there. Can you turn
your radio down, pal?

[stammering] Hang on.

[Rick stammering over
radio] Hang on. Hang on.


I can't believe I
got through to you.

Do you have any idea how many
times I've tried to call you guys?

- Well, you've
finally made it.
- Yeah.

- What's your name?
- Rick Simon.

Well, Rick, are you
ready to win $850?

I'm ready.

Put on your thinking cap, Rick,

because this
one's a little tricky.

On December 2nd,
1896, in San Francisco,

Tom Sharkey and Bob Fitzsimmons

fought a heavyweight bout.

- For $850...
- Bob Fitzsimmons won!

Wrong. You're wrong, Rick.

- Sharkey won.
- Right.

Sharkey won, but
that's not the question.

Oh. Sorry.

The question is, who
refereed that fight?

Rick, are you there?

Yeah. I'm thinking.

Uh, now, the question is,

who refereed the fight

between Bob Fitzsimmons
and Tom Sharkey?

Who cares?

I got KLOW on the line. It's
worth 850 bucks. That's who cares!


[phone ringing]

Hello. Hold on a second.

Who refereed the fight

between Bob Fitzsimmons
and Tom Sharkey?

[Woman] Wyatt Earp.

- Wyatt Earp?
- Wyatt Earp?

Wyatt Earp is right!

- Wyatt Earp.
- ♪♪ [fanfare]

- Wyatt Earp?
- [laughing]

You were right! Who is this?

Who is that?

This is ridiculous.

How can anybody live
in a tent in the park?

Especially somebody who can answer
a trivia question as obscure as that one.

Oh, well, "obscure" is
Lolita's middle name.

She's kind of like
this big weird magnet

that attracts everything
that's not nailed down...

People, places,
dates, facts, you.

Nah. Not weird enough for her.


No, I guess not. Has she
always lived in the park?

No, this is uptown for Lolita.

Carlos introduced us back
here on Cinco de Mayo.

Back then, she was living
under the freeway off-ramp.

- That's your type.
- A.J., this has got
nothing to do

with whether I'm her
type, she's my type.

I just... I admire
her. Nice lady.

She works with the
people down on Skid Row.

She helps the bums. She's
kind of like a missionary.

This way.

- Down there?
- Yeah.

- She lives down there?
- She lives down here.

Hey, Lo, you home?

[Lolita] Thanks for coming down.

It's the least we could do.

After all, if it hadn't been for you,
I wouldn't have won 850 bucks.

- Hi.
- When I get the money,
I'm giving you half of it.

- This is my brother A.J.
- Hi. How do you do?

Same father?

Uh, same father, different mood.

That's DNA for you.

How'd you know the answer to
that? I mean, about Wyatt Earp.

I have, at my command, a
cornucopia of incidental data.

So how you been, Lo?

Oh, well, you know. Still at
war with the eternal verities.

- Can't help you there.
- Can you help me find
a couple of friends of mine?

- Tell us about them.
- I've been cooking three days
a week at the Savior Mission.

- That's where I met them.
- Transients?

- Alcoholic?
- Yes.

I know what you're thinking,

and under normal circumstances,
I would agree with you, but...

I was taking Mac and
Louie up to the mountains

as a sort of, you know,
retreat to help them dry out.

They were really looking
forward to it. Now I can't find them.

- Where all have you looked?
- All over the area.

Hospitals, jail.

The morgue?

[Lolita] No, I don't
see Mac or Louie here.

Oh, those poor men.

Nobody cared about
them once they were alive,

and now that they're
dead, nothing's changed.

Those four are the only John
Does we picked up in the last week.

"John Does"?

I can't believe that
you call them that.

What are we supposed to
call them? They're unidentified.

Well, you could give
them each a different name.

That would allow them
at least a little dignity.

You have any idea what kind
of a snafu that would cause?

[sighs] What are those?

Once it's been ascertained a John Doe
can't be identified, the body's cremated.

That is barbaric.

What kind of insensitive, cretinous,
bureaucrat thought that up?

You'd have to be a ghoul
to work in a place like this.

Like I said, I'd do you a favor.

Some dingy broad
calls me a ghoul.

- Well, if the body bag fits, pal...
- Okay, Rick, we're leaving now.

Bill, I thank you very
much for your help.

I don't appreciate
being called a ghoul.

- Tell her that.
- I'll mention it.

You could've told me the man
wasn't safe to be questioned.

Lieutenant, I didn't realize
you were gonna waltz in there...

What do you mean? Look,
you knew the man was

full of PCP when you
brought him in here.

Hell, you arrest him on Avenue B smashing
store windows with a parking meter.

- Sorry, Lieutenant.
- You're sorry.

Yeah, you're sorry. The man thought
he was nine monkeys, for crying out loud.

- How about using a little
common sense around here?
- Yes, sir.

Yeah, yeah... Look
at my shirt, man.

This was a gift from my
cousin, Button-Down Brown.

- Who?
- B.B.

Lieutenant Brown, I've
got a needle and thread.

You know, I'm gonna
have to be honest with you.

We don't have a lot of luck
finding derelicts and alcoholics...

People like your friends.

Usually they just kind
of wander off on a whim

and drop through that big
crack we call life in the city.

I know a little about that.

People do come back, you know.

I did.

I went from dead
drunk on 42nd Street

to five years now
without a drop.

Yeah, you were lucky.

Most of them go from dead
drunk to just plain dead.

Not Mac and Louie.

They're different. That's
why I was taking them

up to the mountains for a couple
of days... to get them out of here.

You're not getting my point.
Something has happened to them.

Mac has got a family.

He's got pride.

He's a steelworker
who got laid off

and just couldn't face not
being able to feed his kids.

Now he wants to go
home and start living again.

He just... He just
wouldn't wander off.

- [sighs]
- Okay.

You already got a couple of
pretty good bird dogs out there

sniffing the street.

But I'll see if I can't
spare a little time myself.

Nice work.

How about giving a nice
girl the shirt off your back?

It wouldn't fit you.

I know a hundred guys it will.

- [slurred chattering]
- Hey. Hey

Behave yourselves
here. Behave yourself.

- We're all gentlemen here.
- You tell him to give me
my bottle back then!

He don't have your
bottle. I have your bottle.

I have appropriated your bottle
for the good of the community.

How does that work?

Like so.

I ain't moving from this spot
till King Farouk shows up.

He said he'd be here, you know.

We're not leaving until
Mac and Louie get here.

- They visiting royalty?
- You betcha. They was...

They was the dukes of Modesto.

They... They told us

to look him up
whenever we're in Dago.

This is Dago, isn't it?

Yeah, but I don't
know those guys.

- I know them.
- You guys know those guys?

- I know him.
- See?

I ain't seen him in a while.

Come to think of
it, I ain't seen Beau

or Stinky or Abe in...
six or seven months.

Do I look like I got a
quarter, boy? Get a job!

Whoopee! The king's
here! King Farouk!

Damn right. [laughs]

- Hail the king.
- Hell, yeah.

Thank you, my loyal subjects.

You boys got some, uh,
refreshments here for the king?

There you go.

Can't be too careful.

[slurred] The king lives!

[spits] What...

Could we just have a small
word with you, Your Majesty,

somewhere in some privacy?

Yeah. Hold my sack here, boy.

What the hell are you doing
here, Town? Are you on a stakeout?

Well, normally, King Farouk keeps
an eye on that shoe store down there.

The manager sells something
a little more than sneakers.

But right at the moment,
I'm looking for Mac and Louie.

- You had any luck?
- No.

Geez, the cops!

Hey, Town, what are you
running for? You're a cop.

I'm working without a net.

The last time I was
down here, I got back.

I spent the whole
night in the drunk tank.

I kept telling the sergeant
the cop didn't believe me.

Said he was Neil
Sedaka. Look here, man.

King Farouk works
alone. See you guys later.




Whoa! Ooh!

Hey! What are you dudes
eyeballing my main chick for?

Oh, uh, we weren't.


Our eyes were kind of drawn in
her direction, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I know what you
mean, and I don't like it.

Do you like it, Climax?

I'm deeply offended.

Guns beat knives.

- Back off, Hoss.
- That was my plan.

Okay. Have your way with me.


Oh, I'm glad we don't
have to do this for a living.

Ten hours down
here is a lifetime.

Ten hours of cheap
port and gibberish.

You believe that guy
with all pairs of socks?

You believe all the work we've
done, and we've come up dry?

You're dry? I'm
fried. Here. You drive.

I'm in no condition to
drive. Let's hail a taxi.

If you were a cabdriver,
would you pick us up?

[sighs] Let's walk.

- Hey, Johnny!
- Oh, hi, Lolita!

Hey, wait a minute! What
are you guys doing with him?

- Better grab her, too.
- You sure?

- She's just another wino.
- She's no wino.

- Look at her.
- Wait a minute, you guys. No! No!

- Come on!
- Wait! Let me go!

[muffled shouting]

Good morning, Dr. Harcroft.

[scoffs] What do you
have her tied up for?

- She kept fighting me.
- Come on.

Help! Help!


[breathing heavily]

May I assume I'm
wasting my breath?

- You may.
- Who the hell are you?

- What did he shoot me up with?
- Just some verathion
to relax you.

Relax me? I've
been dead for hours.

- What do you want with me?
- Your cooperation.

Well, it's a little hard to cooperate
when you're main-lining verathion.

Call it passive cooperation.

Why did you kidnap Johnny?

- What's your interest in him?
- He's a friend of mine.

Are Mac and Louie here, too?
What do you want with these guys?

What's going on? No.
Wait. No. Please, please.

No. No. No.

[Man] I knew this
was too good to last.

I knew it was too good to last.

How long you figure it's gonna take to
get them all back out on the street again

and clean up the reports?

- Why the sudden panic?
- Hey, she's not one of them.

Look, the beauty of this thing so far
is that nobody misses these people.

That's over now.

Frank, are you seriously saying
it's over, and we shut down?

[Frank] What the hell
else do you suggest?

We got a spare
bed at the hospital.

We can qualify her for Cal
Aid with kidney dysfunction.

[Frank] Paul, she's no wino.

[Paul chuckles] That's
easy enough to fix.



- Yo, Rick.
- [glasses clinking]


- You awake?
- No.

Rise and shine.
It's after 10:00.

Lolita hasn't called yet.

- Something's wrong.
- Here you go.

It's got aspirin in it.


[no audible dialogue]

We've got no way of knowing that
somebody isn't looking for her right now.

What were you thinking when
you took her off the street?

We'll drug her long
enough to shut down,

and then we'll dump her in
San Bernardino or Oakland.

If she doesn't know where
she is or how she got here,

she doesn't know who we are,
and her memory will be fuzzy.

There is a much simpler way

of making sure she
never causes us trouble.

No. Uh-uh. We'd be crazy
if we got involved with that.

We already are.

Look, I know some
of the men have died.

But they were sick.
That was different.

Not so sick I couldn't
have kept them alive.

You told me they were terminal.

They were. They
were in bad shape.

More importantly, their
benefits had run out.

Come on, Frank. [chuckling]

Like you said yourself,

nobody cared about these people.

Look, you might be able
to live with this, Harcroft,

but not me.

That's the end of it.

We shut down, and
the girl does not get hurt.

I'm not turning 58
witnesses loose on the street

who can implicate
me... in murder.

[engine starts]

Anybody knows
where they are, they do.


You got your guns today?

A matter of fact, we do.

Have a beer, man.

Thank you.

- What's your story?
- Huh?

[scoffs] Well,

yesterday, you looked like
you belonged down here.

Today, you're foreigners.

We're private investigators.

Yeah, but we got nothing
against you guys, okay?

We just understood
that you did the

occasional good turn
for the winos down here.

Yeah, we help them
out. What's it to you?

We're looking for a girl, and nobody
knows the streets better than you.

Her name is Lolita. She cooks
down at the Savior Mission.

Yeah, I know her. Haven't
seen her for a while.

We've been on the road. Why?

She's our client, and
she's disappeared.

We were hired to look for two friends
of hers... guys named Mac and Louie.

We've been all over the district,
and nobody's seen them or her.

Well, somebody has to have.

- Want some help?
- Love it.

Go-Go, you, Razor and Sable
start at Union Street and work east.

You two, start here
and cover it to 8th Street.

This is nice.

- Shovelhead, huh?
- Yeah.

This madre's got
stark acceleration.

- You ride?
- Ah, a little bit in the dirt.

I used to own one of
these about 15 years ago.

Hoss, give him your bike.


- Hey, take my bike.
- Oh, no, thank you. I...

[Rick] Take it.

It's kind of like an Eskimo
offering you his wife.

You do not refuse.

First gear's down.
The rest of them are up.

Excuse me.

I was on my way
home to La Jolla,

and... and my
car ran out of gas.

I left my wallet in the office.

Could you lend me a... a...

Say... Say, I-I could swear

that you shared a bottle
of tequila with me last night.

Yeah, that was me.

What the hell happened to you?

I found work.

Oh, that-that-that's too bad.

Say, who was it you were looking
for? For Mac and-and-and Louie?

Yeah, I still am.
You heard anything?

No. Henry's seen them.


Hey, what's the holdup, slick?

Oh, no holdup.

This gentleman says someone
named Henry has seen Mac and Louie.

Where do we find Henry?

- Well, uh...
- Ah.

Where do we find Henry?

[Man] Inner-city condominium.

[Climax] Henry?

Henry, where did you
see Mac and Louie?


Took myself a little vacation.

Saw them the day I left.

- Uh-huh.
- Why did you leave?

I was cured.

Had a little drinking
problem. New cure...

All the muscatel you want.

A real fine cure.

I got secured one day.

I got lost.

Do you remember
the name of the resort?

Well, while you were
there, what did you do?

- Pitched horseshoes.
- Yeah?


I came to somewhere else.


In a bed.

A room.


Real drunk there.

The resort, Henry... Uh,
was it in the mountains?

Was it at the ocean?

It was in the country.

Henry, was there anything at the resort
that you could see? Anything nearby, maybe?

Yeah, something outstanding
that you might remember.

They was building the Taj Mahal.

"They was building
the Taj Mahal."

He must've had the D.T.'s.

Taj Mahal.

How did you get to
the resort, Henry?

Some fellas picked
me up in a van.

- What kind of a van?
- Tan.

- A tan van?
- A tan van.

The door was real hard to close.

[Rick] A sliding door?

Hey, I've seen that van
around the district. Tan.

It's an Econoline
150. '83, I think.

Was there anything else, Henry?

I mean, anything that you can
remember at all about this place?

- Gray Briar.
- What... What is the gray briar?

The only Gray Briar I know is a
road between here and El Cajon.

Henry, what is your last name?



That ain't me.



Well, according to this map,

Gray Briar Road extends
beyond the curvature of the earth.

Well, at least there's
plenty of light left.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey. What's that?

The Taj Mahal.

[Rick] I guess Henry was right.

That means the resort's
over here someplace.

Can I help you?

I just kind of wanna
take a look around.

- Sorry. This is
private property.
- Oh.

Well, as a matter of
fact, that's why we're here.

We're looking for a little privacy. I
understand we can rent one of these cabins.

No rentals. These cabins
are privately owned.

Well, then we'll
privately own one.

- Got your checkbook?
- Yeah, I do.

That's a great idea. Nice,
clean air, beautiful country.

Just let us take a look around
so we know how much to offer.

We're not selling. You're
not buying. You're leaving.

Just for that, you
didn't make a sale, fella.

We won't buy one.

[guard] Hey. Where you going?


No. Go back inside.

How did you get in here?

"How" isn't important, fella.
"Who" is the name of the game.

What the hell are
you talking about?

We're looking for a couple of
guys named Mac and Louie.

[A.J.] And Henry and Lolita.

Hey, come on. Look, we
know what's going on here.

We know the whole story. The party's
over. It's time to take off the masks.

- Just who are you?
- Ah. Now we're
getting somewhere.

Easy, easy, easy.

I'll show you ours,
you show us yours.

Private investigators.

This is private
property, Mr. Simon.

- You're not welcome here.
- I wanna talk to those guys.

[Frank] They're
guests here. Get out.

What kind of a joint is this
where the guests are so drunk

they can't even stand up, huh?

- Excuse me.
- Hey, pal.


- Time!
- [Frank] Hold it.

I'm not gonna tell you
again. This is private property.

- Now get off of it.
- [A.J.] All right.

We're not leaving here until you bring
those men out. You understand me?

The only thing I'm bringing
out here is the sheriff.

Good idea. We'll just
wait right out here for him.

I don't care where these two wait so long
as it's on the other side of that gate.

There's no reason
to work up a drool.

We'll just... We'll
go out. We'll wait.

We could even sleep in the pickup
truck if we have to, if it takes that long.

- [Man] Out! Now!
- [Rick] We're going.


Ri... [muffled grunt]

[A.J.] Okay.

Here we go. Wake
up. Rise and shine.

Well, I'm only 200 miles
outside of my jurisdiction.

- That's okay, Town.
- It's not okay.

Another 30 seconds,
I'd have been home free,

out of my office and
on the tennis court.

What is this car gonna
be when it grows up?

This is a police
car, not a limousine.

I wish there was a way to
recognize your phone ring.

Local law is supposed to be on
its way, but we haven't seen them.

Let's get in and out
of here before they do.


Where are all the drunks
throwing horseshoes?

Probably in these
cabins somewhere.

You said something about a van
from the district. Where is that?

I don't... It was
parked right over there.

[Downtown] Well,
it's not over there now.

Look, you're forcing
me to take legal action.

Yeah, well, now
is your chance, pal.

Show him your badge, Town.

Lieutenant, I want these men arrested
for trespassing and assault and battery.

- Hey, you started the fight.
- Rick!

He started the fight.

We'll get to that.
What is your name, sir?

Frank Mahoney. I'm
the manager here.

Mr. Mahoney, Mr. Simon
had reason to believe

that three individuals are
being kept here against their will.

Oh, that's ridiculous.
This is a private resort.

The cabins are all
individually owned.

Nobody stays here unless they're
the owner or the guest of an owner.

- [whispering] Ask him about the van.
- Will you cool it?

- Just ask him. [clears throat]
- Who's staying here now?

They say they saw a lot of people... a lot
of men, drunk, or at least acting drunk.

Oh, that's crazy.

Look, these two are just
yanking your chain, Lieutenant.

Nobody's here except
me and the guards.

The owners all live out of town, and
none of them are here at the moment.

- He's lying, Town. We saw them.
- A.J.!

- He's lying.
- We'll deal with it.


Now, it's gonna irritate me if I
have to arrange for a search warrant.

I have no desire
to irritate you.

You can search to
your heart's content.

I'll open the cabins for you.

I've notified the
owners' association,

and I can assure you
they're going to press charges.

Good afternoon.

[sighs] Nice going, guys.

Okay, Town, we went
about it the wrong way,

but we saw what we saw.

While we were waiting for you, they
probably snuck them out a back way.

Or they got trapdoors to the
cellars or something around here.

But we saw half a dozen drunk
guys playing horseshoes. Maybe more.

- Let's say I believe you.
- You do?

Yeah, that is nuts.

But it doesn't change the fact
that you guys are facing charges

for trespassing and
assault and battery.

The next time, would you
please get me some proof?

- Legally obtained proof.
- Oh.

Boy, these copies are lousy.

Well, if you would put
a dime in the machine

instead of simply kicking it, we
might have been able to read them.

Wordhouse has taken enough of my
time. It's not gonna get my money, too.

Aha. Here we go.

- What?
- Um...

The Fox Point Resort
was constructed in 1981.

It was financed, um, [babbles]

through a limited partnership
of two corporations...


Syndrex, Inc and
Harcroft Enterprises.

Syndrex I've heard of. It's one
of those multinational outfits.

- What's Harcroft?
- Uh, well, let's see.


Primarily, it's just
a holding company

for something called the Western
Skies Convalescent Hospital.

Wait a minute.

Didn't Henry Randolf
say something about

waking up someplace
else, in a bed, not the resort?

Yeah, but he also said
his name was Henry Clark.

[horn honking]

[honking continues]

Whoa! Whoa! Hey!

No! Take it down! Come on! No!



It's a good thing I changed
my accommodations.

[Rick] And you never
saw the outside when you

were taken to the hospital or
when you were brought back?

I was drunk, son.

What about doctors, nurses,
people dressed in white?

Have you ever heard the name
Western Skies Convalescent Hospital?

Yeah. Maybe.

Did a doctor there dismiss you?


I was at the resort when I left.

Wandered off and
couldn't find my way back.

Hitchhiked back
down to the district.

Who paid the bill, Henry?

Somebody had to have paid it.

Do you have any
kind of insurance?

No, probably not, huh?

What about a state
welfare program?

All the state programs
got age requirements.

And you're, what,
Henry, about 58, 59?

47 May 9th.


Well, if the state paid
it, that's kind of late.

Their minimum age is 65.

- Not necessarily.
- Why?

Well, they'll pay for a
disability at any age.


Do you have a disability, Henry?


Mr. Randolf was a
patient at Western Skies

from April 3 to May 28.

The Cal Aid insurance
benefits paid on his behalf

were in the amount of $35,421.

35,000 bucks for two months,

and you guys just paid it.

He was diagnosed by
the attending physician

as suffering from bronchial
pneumonia and uremic poisoning.

I don't remember
having them diseases.

[Man] Well, Henry, you were
there for alcoholic rehabilitation.

The pneumonia and
the uremic poisoning

were most likely in
their insipient stages.

I'd say you were fortunate.

Mr. Morse, Henry's
rehabilitation consisted

of all the wine he could drink
the entire time he was confined.

Western Skies has been
licensed for over 15 years.

It was reinvestigated and approved
as recently as four years ago.

Henry, explain to Mr. Morse how you
came to be a patient at Western Skies.

They come by the district,

and they asked me if I
wanted to take a vacation.

Then they give me a bottle.

Pretty bizarre way for a hospital
to get patients, don't you think?

How big is Western Skies?

Sixty beds.

But not all those beds have to be full for
the hospital to make its overhead, right?

No, no, no. Just 30.

So, every bed occupied
over 30 represents profit.

Oh, Mr. Morse, if each
patient is diagnosed

for a disease he doesn't have,

and then Cal Aid
insurance pays the bills...

Mr. Morse, you're
getting ripped off.

If you wish to register a
complaint, we have an 800 number.

We just told you.

I'm an eligibility supervisor,
not an investigator.

Okay, fine. Where's
the nearest investigator?

- Sacramento.
- But you're here.

But I'm not an investigator.

The hospital is ten
miles away from here.

That's not my department.
Call the number.



Henry, do you have any
idea why you were transported

back and forth from the
resort to the hospital?

- No.
- I'm getting a recording.

Uh, leave a message.

Do you see what playing
between the foul lines gets you?

If we keep going
through proper channels,

we're gonna get bound
and gagged and red tape.

Come on, Henry.



How you doing?


Is that a rhetorical question?

The doctor says you've
been very uncooperative.

I've been the essence
of cooperation.

I've been unconscious.

I don't... [clearing throat]

I don't need any
more of this stuff.

Well, I can't make
those decisions.

You see, uh, Dr. Harcroft...
He does the prescribing.

What's your name?

- Ken.
- Ken.

Have you any idea
what's going on here?


I was kidnapped

and... and kept at
some cabin somewhere.

We're overcrowded.

See, that's just where
the extra patients are put

until we have room here.

You're safe now.


I'm afraid two of our patients

are going to die tonight
of alcohol consumption.

Yes, sir. Which two?

Louie, Mac.

Prepare an IV of 10%
ethanol and glucose solution.

Run it in at 200 cc's an hour.

As usual, there's no need for
Frank Mahoney to know about this.

I'm also very worried
about the new patient.

The young woman we
brought in today from the camp.

The same medication?

No. She's not a drinker.

So, you should, uh...

You should give her
this just before bedtime.

- Side effects?
- No.

She'll sleep like the dead.

Hey. Just be careful.


We got a nurses' station
coming up right here.

Got a code blue for
you. This man's wife said

that he imbibed a quart of
bourbon before he passed out.

I'm sorry, sir, but this
isn't an emergency room.

- How did you get up here?
- Through Admitting.

Hey, look, you got
a problem with that,

you take it up with them.

You do have an
alcoholic ward here, right?

You treat alcoholics.
This man is an alcoholic.

Look, we've already been
turned down by Woodside,

by St. Sabastian's,
by Bayview Memorial.

Is it your intention
to join them

in their callous disregard
for human suffering?

- [watch beeping]
- Where do you think
you're going?

- My shift's over.
- You can't just leave him here.

- [phone ringing]
- Please hold.


Put him in the room
around the corner.

- All right.
- I'll be right there.

This is Nurse Collins.

All right, gentlemen.
Let's take them out.

They'll be dead in an hour.

Just keep west on
San Canyon Road

for about eight miles.

There's a deep
gully on the left.

- Bury the bodies there.
- Right.


It smells like a winery in here.

It's time for your shot.

Wake up, honey.

Wake up, honey.

We have a few minutes
before you have to go.

Ow! Ow.

- Ow!
- [Lolita] No! Don't!

- [Ken yelling]
- Hey!

Get outta here! You're not...

That man is not a nice person.

Furthermore, he has
lecherous proclivities.

- Can you walk?
- I can fly.


Oh, no! [yelling]

Get down!




Hi, Town. Are you busy?

- ♪♪ [pop on radio]
- [A.J.] Justice is only
partly served.

Dr. Harcroft will get
20 years anyway.

What about that
monster, Frank Mahoney?

Well, he drew the line at murder,
but he'll be away for a while.

[sighs] What are you doing?

Well, A.J. and I
wanted you to have this.

Here you go. All 850 bucks.

- That's for you
to use on the guys.
- Oh.

Ohhh! [chuckling]

Thank you.
- [Man on radio] It's 11:17 in San Diego.

- Thank you. Ohh!
- You're welcome, honey.

I'm gonna use part of this to
send Mac back home to Pittsburg.

- I can't wait to tell him.
- Go tell him. Go tell him.

- Great.
- when you hear
the cash register.

- I'll be taking
caller number 23.
- Thanks.

- See you later.
- Bye-bye.

- [cash register clangs]
- Oh!

♪♪ [fanfare]

[Man] Hi. You're
caller number 23.

- What's your name?
- A.J.

- You got through!
- My name's A.J.!

- [Rick, A.J., echoing on radio]
- Okay, A.J.,
for $630,

- $630.
- who was the first black...

- Jackie Robinson!
- All right!

We're not talking baseball
here, A.J. We're talking football.

We're not talking baseball.
We're talking football.

Oh, okay.

Who was the first black player
in the National Football League?

Who was the first black player
in the National Football League?

- Lo! Lo!
- Lolita!

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Oh! No! Wait! No, no! That...

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA