Silicon Valley (2014–…): Season 5, Episode 7 - Initial Coin Offering - full transcript
Pied Piper inches towards securing their Series B funding. Gilfoyle suggest a risky proposition. Dinesh gets competitive with a co-worker. Richard receives unsettling news.
Richard...
do you think if I asked,
they would let me visit her?
RICHARD HENDRICKS:
Jared, she's gonna be okay.
I promise.
(DRILL WHIRRING)
♪ (HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
GAVIN BELSON:
That brilliant little idiot.
He found a way
around the patent!
It's Hendrick's internet,
but it's not
Hendrick's internet!
I will no longer be able
to manufacture your boxes.
You see, my company
will be manufacturing
a new device that will quickly
render yours obsolete.
Did you speak to Laurie
about our Series B?
-HENDRICKS: Sort of.
-(LAURIE RETCHING)
MONICA HALL: Nothing is personal
with Laurie, all right?
It's what makes her
such a great VC.
A term sheet
for your Series B.
Congratulations, Richard.
Thank you.
Richard:
Wow. That is one
expensive bottle.
You guys deserve the best
bottle of champagne they have.
Yeah, all champagne
tastes the same to me, so.
I agree, I mean,
what's the difference
between good champagne
and bad champagne?
About $500.
Guys, come on. Enjoy it.
You're about to close
a $30 million series B.
And you don't have
to sell any ads
or harvest user data,
which for
any other VC in town
would've been a non-starter.
Frankly, I'm surprised
that Laurie went for it.
Well, I'm not wild
about the idea
of her having
two more board seats.
I mean, she did kill Fiona
right in front of us.
Listen, don't worry
about Laurie, okay?
I'm gonna be your
point person on this.
She's got her plate full.
She's raising money to recover
from the whole Eklow debacle.
Okay.
So... to you guys.
All right.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Richard:
Yup, thanks.
All right. I have
a dinner meeting
and I kind of feel
like a fifth wheel,
so I'm gonna pick up the check,
leave you to celebrate.
Congrats again, guys.
Okay.
Jared: Bye.
Well, the only person
we don't spend
20 hours a day with just left.
So.
What's new with you guys?
Well, I'm thinking of buying
some new bookkeeping software.
All right. I think the only
actual way to celebrate
is to spend
one waking minute apart, so.
I'm gonna go.
Are you going home?
Let's-- let's share an Uber.
Oh, well, if you're going
that direction,
I'm-- I'm driving,
so I could drop you.
Dinesh:
Hey, Gilfoyle.
Wanna play Fortnite?
Oh, hold on, I didn't know
we were playing Fortnite.
Yeah, I'll come along.
(theme music plays)
♪ ♪
I would've taken that plate
to the sink for you.
Uh, it's okay.
I just finished, so.
How was the sandwich
I made you?
Was it good?
Good condiment blend?
Yeah. It was perfect, thanks.
Richard.
This might be
out of line, but...
would you mind telling Jared
how much you enjoyed
the sandwich?
I'm finding him
a little intimidating.
Sure, yeah.
Look, I know he can be
a little eccentric.
I tend to hold my breath
around him.
It's exacerbating my asthma.
Ooh, okay...
Richard, do you
have a moment?
You know what?
Holden just made me
a really good sandwich.
Oh, well, that's nice.
Yeah. Yep.
(clears throat)
Did he ask you
to mention that to me?
What? No.
Okay.
No, he's-- he's just great.
Well, "In doing what we ought,
we deserve no praise
because it is our duty."
St. Augustine.
So, um...
I've been keeping
track of the compute credits
that you gave to Laurie.
And she sold them
to Gigglybots
and then Gigglybots
sold them to SmashHub.
And they traded hands
a few more times,
the price increasing
each time until they were
bought by a venture fund
in Mountain View.
Okay, uh, so if we wanted
to buy them back,
how much would it cost us?
It's $1.6 million.
What?
The fuck?
More like that?
Yeah.
Danny:
So Dinesh, is it true?
Is series B happening?
We all heard it's happening.
Oh, guys, please,
you know I can't talk to you
about upper level
management stuff.
It's totally happening.
Look at his face.
He has the worst poker face.
No. Don't--
don't look at my face.
This is great news.
We're all getting
big, fat bonuses.
I was a little worried I made
a mistake ordering that Tesla.
Sorry, Tesla?
What Tesla?
Model S. Same as yours.
I mean, not exactly the same.
I ordered the P100D.
Newer model.
It's got longer
battery life--
You know what?
This is a workplace.
This is not a fucking
slumber party,
gabbing, gabbing.
And series B
is not a done deal.
Despite what my
face says, okay?
Don't trust this face.
No one should ever
trust this face.
Congrats on the Tesla, Danny.
So excited for you.
Series B, baby!
Fuck Danny.
I mean, I love my Tesla.
It has Insane Mode,
which means it goes
zero to 60 in 3.2 seconds,
which is literally insane.
But the Tesla
that Danny ordered
has Ludicrous Mode,
which means it goes
zero to 60 in 2.8 seconds.
So it's gonna take me
an entire 0.4 seconds
longer to get to 60.
I mean, how would you feel
if one of your neighbors
got a tiki head
bigger than yours?
Oh, well,
when we bought it,
we made sure it was
the biggest one
they made, so.
You're the biggest
tiki head guy
in the neighborhood.
I used to be
the Tesla guy
in the office.
I maxed out my credit cards
to be able to afford that thing.
And now that
we're getting series B,
any one of these bourgeois
new money millennial fucks
can just go out and buy one.
I don't wanna sound selfish,
but sometimes I wish
only I made money.
You know?
What are we
talking about, here?
You want us to launch
a cryptocurrency?
I do.
The fact that people are willing
to pay many multiples more
for our compute credits
than they're worth,
we have an opportunity here.
Worth is relative, Richard.
What do you mean?
Why do people covet
the silly pieces
of green cotton paper
in their wallets?
It's because
we are all sheep.
And we've mutually agreed
to endow certain things
with value.
And right now,
for some reason,
the market values our
credits more than we did.
Gilfoyle, we're not
gonna suddenly pivot
and become a digital
currency company.
I'm not proposing a pivot.
I'm proposing that
we sell digital currency
as a way to finance
our new Internet company.
You wanted
an alternative
to Laurie Bream.
Well, it's right here
in front of you.
PiedPiperCoin.
Okay, look, I...
I'm not gonna bet
the entire future
of my new Internet
and everything
I've worked for
on becoming the next Bitcoin.
You really expect me
to do that?
There are very few things
that I will defend
with true passion:
medical marijuana,
the biblical Satan as a metaphor
for rebellion against tyranny,
and mother fucking
Goddamn cryptocurrency.
Mmm.
I have a PowerPoint
that I've been wanting
to show you for some time.
Gavin:
Walk me through this.
We can't make
our boxes in China
because Yao has threatened
every manufacturer
in the country.
That's right.
We can't afford Bangladesh,
because the workers
have unionized.
Sadly, correct.
And we can't use
our place in Laos,
because one person
gets her scalp ripped off
and suddenly, everyone's
screaming regulations.
Yes.
You know, you hear
a lot of chatter
about the growth
of the global economy,
but no one wants to
talk about the downside.
Gavin, there is one other
manufacturing option
we haven't discussed yet,
which considering
the current circumstances,
might be worth consideration.
I'm open to anything.
America.
Fuck you.
I feel the same way.
But we were recently contacted
by the mayor of
Goldbriar, North Carolina.
They had a DVR
manufacturing plant
that closed.
The retooling would be minimal.
Scott:
They've got
a skilled labor pool
just sitting idle
and they sound desperate.
Really?
How desperate?
It was pitiful.
Really?
In 350 BCE,
Aristotle defined
sound money as being
durable, transferable,
divisible, scarce,
recognizable....
Gilfoyle?
and fungible.
What?
Can we skip ahead 2,400 years?
I mean, I know
what cryptocurrency is.
Richard, a lot of work
went into this presentation.
Okay.
Fine.
But you're missing out
on a lot of wisdom, here.
Why don't you tell me
what you know
about Bitcoin
as a jumping-off point?
Okay, sure.
Uh, well, I'm pretty sure
it was founded by
a Japanese guy...
Or guys, or girls,
going by the name
Satoshi Nakamoto in 2008.
True identity still unknown.
Okay, look, every day
I read an article
about how we're in
a Bitcoin bubble.
And who is writing
those articles?
I don't wanna say
the establishment.
But is it possible that
Warren Buffett
called Bitcoin
a pyramid scheme
because he has 92 billion
conventional dollars to protect?
Let's say he's right.
Let's say Bitcoin dies.
So what?
MySpace, Friendster,
they both died.
But they paved the way
for other social media tripe
like Facebook and Twitter
to completely
overrun the planet.
Crypto is out there.
And it's not going away.
It just feels sketchy.
In the same way that
a new Internet
is sketchy, Richard?
Well--
What is crypto?
If not decentralized,
anonymous, secure,
and an existential threat
to the powers that be?
I would think that you'd be
all-in on something like that.
Yeah. But do you really think
we can create a currency
worth $30 million?
Because that's what
we'd be giving up.
Maybe. Probably even more.
But even if it's less,
we would still gain
control, autonomy,
board seats and shares,
and you wouldn't have to rely
on a VC who once fired you
from your own company.
So, there is a mode
above Ludicrous Mode.
Am I correct?
Yes. It's called Plaid.
And it comes standard
on the new Tesla Roadster.
How do I get
into one of these babies?
Simple. You put down
a $50,000 deposit today.
Okay.
And you'll be behind the wheel
as soon as they
become available.
And how quickly
will that be, Stephanie?
Soon. We're thinking
a few years,
which goes by fast.
My daughter was
a teenager in high school.
Next thing I knew...
I'm gonna stop you
right there.
Your oily salesmanship
is starting to really
irritate me.
Okay?
I need to maintain
my Tesla superiority,
and I need to do it now.
Okay, I'm looking at
a new set of wheels here.
The 21-inch Arachnids.
Very nice.
But they're not for sale.
You can only get them
through our referral
awards program.
You refer three
other customers to us,
they buy a vehicle
and, zoop-zoop,
you get the wheels.
So, if I get more
people to buy Teslas,
then I will have the wheels
and no one else can get them?
Not even Danny?
I'm sorry, who's Danny?
He's the guy
with the shitty wheels.
Major Wilkins:
And now, the CEO of Hooli,
Mr. Gavin Belson.
(cheers and applause)
Thank you, Mayor Wilkins.
Thank you, Goldbriar, for this
warm, wonderful welcome.
You know, being
in North Carolina
always feels like a bit
of a homecoming for me.
I own a vacation property
just off the coast in Bermuda.
Technically, it is
my primary legal residence.
Good people of Goldbriar,
for too long, foreign interests
have used unfair trade
and labor practices
to plunder American wealth
and steal American jobs.
But I don't
blame them for that.
No. I blame weak, spineless
American politicians.
But if your mayor
does his job,
your jobs will come back,
and soon, you will
proudly be building
the Gavin Belson
Signature Box Three.
(applause)
But if for some reason
he can't make my
very reasonable proposal work,
you know who to blame.
I'm excited to get started.
What about y'all?
(cheers and applause)
(marching band plays)
♪ ♪
(dramatic sting)
♪ ♪
(sighs)
Jared: Hi, Holden.
Oh.
(dramatic sting)
Jared. Hi.
Hi.
Can I ask you a question?
Of course.
Did you ask Richard to tell me
that he liked the sandwich
that you made for him?
No.
Is that the truth?
Yes.
Okay.
Okay.
Good job with that plate.
Thanks.
(inhales deeply)
Dinesh:
Now, I can see
the looks on your faces.
I know what you're thinking.
Why does Dinesh care
so much if I buy a Tesla?
I'll tell you why.
Because Teslas
are good for the world.
Surprisingly pedestrian wheels,
but you get over that.
So, come on.
Series B, right? Cha-ching.
I was gonna use that
to pay off my student loans.
That's boring.
And don't take this
the wrong way,
but it seems like
it's very important
for you to be
the Tesla guy in the office.
Like, weirdly important.
I'm not weird, you're weird.
You guys are being so weird.
Come on. What's it gonna take
to get you into a Tesla today?
Here. I've printed out
hundreds of these.
There you go.
There you go,
pass these on.
Dave? Dave?
All right, what's this
interesting idea?
Gilfoyle and I were talking.
And this may seem a little
out there at first, but...
Instead of funding
our launch with a series B,
what about...
an ICO?
An initial coin offering?
It's basically a...
Are you a fucking moron?
Maybe I don't need
to be here for this.
Sit the fuck down.
Okay.
Richard, what are you doing?
Just exploring our options.
Why? You don't think
I have your back?
Look, I get that
you're giving up
board seats and shares,
but look what
you're getting in return.
As if the $30 million
you were getting
wasn't good enough,
we provide you
with marketing,
networking, staffing.
We help you
negotiate partnerships
and navigate regulations.
All these things that are
changing by the minute.
Gilfoyle, can you help
with any of that?
I'd rather just listen
if it's all the same to you.
Look, if you do an ICO,
you're not only
saying fuck you to us,
you're saying
fuck you to all VCs.
Jesus, Richard.
Why would you even
think it would be okay
to talk to me about this?
Like would you ask your wife
who you should cheat with?
No.
Well, maybe.
I don't know, I...
I guess I was just looking
for advice from a friend.
Oh, are we friends, Richard?
Yes, of course.
Really?
Have we spoken
once in the past year
about anything
other than business?
Yes.
Wait. No.
When's my birthday?
Come on.
Do I live in a house
or an apartment?
Did you even know
that I was married?
You are?
I was, I...
had it annulled
after three months.
Did he ask you
who he should cheat with?
Look, you came
for advice, fine.
Forget an ICO.
Okay? I'm sure Gilfoyle
told you that he can handle
all the technical stuff.
But this is not just
a math problem.
They're my direct competition.
I've done my homework on this.
So before you
walk away from stability
and gamble your
entire company on crypto,
there's another
"friend" of yours
I think you should talk to.
I was such a fucking pussy
when Bitcoin broke, Richard.
If I had the balls,
I'd have put every penny
I had into that shit
five years ago,
watched it go
up, up, up, up, up
and then pulled out right before
it all came crashing down again.
I mean, Jesus,
why didn't I do that?
Fuck me!
But then, it occurred to me--
I own 36 fucking
companies, Richard.
If I make them all ICO,
that's 36 bites at the apple.
So I did it.
You... you did 36 ICOs?
Yup.
Did they work?
You know, one of the things
being in the three comma club
has taught me, Richard,
is it's not always
about money.
Sometimes, it's about wisdom.
And did I lose a B?
Close to it. Fuck!
But I bet I gained
two B in wisdom.
So you lost it all?
Ha, ha, Richard,
if I didn't love
this crazy guy so much,
I'd knock his
fucking teeth out.
Nah, nah,
I didn't lose it all.
I mean, one of them
got shut down by the SEC.
On a few, we got scammed.
But some of them worked.
One of them worked.
One? One out of 36?
Yeah. Listen,
all the coin I had
from the ICO that worked
was on a USB thumb drive.
And my dumb
fucking housekeeper
threw out my jeans,
'cause they were ripped.
Even though I paid more
for the ripped ones.
And the thumb drive
was in the pocket, so.
$300 million in crypto
is buried out here, somewhere.
But my boys will find it.
If they wanna get paid, right?
And when they do,
that coin could
cover all the losers.
I mean, it's up 3,000%
in the last two weeks.
If it keeps going
like this over the next
three, four months,
we could be talking
the four comma club!
That's a T, not a B, Richard.
(man whistling)
Mr. Hanneman!
Shit, you found it?
(laughs)
Jose! Yes! No!
I said a thumb drive.
In the...
that's an actual thumb.
That's a human...
Just fucking put that back!
Again, Richard...
the math is sound.
♪ ♪
Well, Mayor, I sure have
enjoyed our time together.
Let me know
when you get this done.
Uh, Mr. Belson, I'm sorry,
but this list of demands
is not remotely workable
for a community of our size.
A mayor's job is never easy.
But you'll find a way,
if you care
about your constituents.
Mr. Belson, I grew up
in this town.
I've lived here
my entire life.
I'd do anything to...
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Your entire life?
Mm-hmm.
How old are you?
Forty-seven.
That's a little weird,
isn't it?
The point is, I'd do anything
to help the people of this area.
But giving you
public money on this scale
would decimate our budget.
I could have the local
high school renamed after you.
Rosa Parks has never even
been to Goldbriar.
I don't want
a fucking high school.
I wanna manufacture boxes
at an 80% profit margin.
I don't understand.
All my asshole friends
keep getting
NFL stadiums
and corporate headquarters,
all fully paid for.
And you can't make
one fucking factory happen?
I mean, the only things
I have left to cut
are essential services.
There you go. Do that.
You could have
a volunteer fire department.
Because I can't afford
a penny more than this.
Man:
Everybody ready?
(blows pitch pipe)
Two, three!
♪ Oh Carolina prowl off ♪
♪ Do-do-do-do ♪
♪ Jump an prance, oh Carolina ♪
♪ Prowl off jump an prance ♪
♪ Do-do-do-do ♪
♪ Oh Carolina gal prowl off ♪
♪ Gal yuh fi jump an prance ♪
♪ Prowl off ♪
♪ Do-do-do-do ♪
♪ Jump and prance ♪
(jet engines revving)
♪ Carolina come bubble
'pon me ♪
♪ Oh, watch how she groove ♪
Dinesh:
So, pretty sweet, right?
Woman:
Yeah, it's nice.
Sorry we couldn't find
a safe spot to try Insane Mode.
It feels like your
kidneys are gonna get, like,
ripped right through
the back of your body.
It's like...
Yeah, I don't think
I'd wanna do that.
Well you don't need to do it.
But you wanna be able to
tell people that you can do it.
Right? It's like having a gun.
So, Charlie and Nadia
have already said yes.
You'll finally have something
to talk to them about.
Oh, let me think about it.
Fine. Okay, just
pull into the designated EV--
...2.8 seconds.
Oh, fuck.
Danny already got his car.
I'll pay your down payment
and first three months.
Do we have a deal?
Wow, really?
Make it six months.
Fine! Okay, just go.
Hide before Danny
sees us in this shitty car.
Go, go, go. Go.
Wow, uh...
♪ ♪
(phone vibrating)
Hello?
Hey, guess what?
My boss just bought me a car!
What? No! Ew. Ugh!
Richard? Ron LaFlamme's
office just called.
And the series B paperwork
is ready for you to sign.
Okay.
Uh, well, then I guess
I'll just go over there
and sign it.
Richard, I know you were
pinning your hopes on the ICO,
but I-- I think series B
is the right call.
Yeah, no, I-- I hope so.
We're gonna get
the money we need to launch,
and everyone out there
is gonna get a great bonus.
And then, you're gonna have
an army of happy
and highly motivated workers...
Richard:
Jared?
Everything okay with Holden?
You mean, like, mentally?
I was wondering that, too.
No. No, no.
Just, like...
like, with you and him.
Just seems like you're being
really hard on him.
Do you like him?
Yeah. I mean, sure.
Okay. It's okay
if you like him.
That's all that matters, right?
Yeah.
Okay. Well,
I'll see you when, uh...
I'll see you when you
get back from LaFlamme's.
♪ ♪
(dramatic sting)
Laurie:
Every institutional investor
to whom I reached out
agreed to participate
in our second fund.
The capital issues we faced
due to Eklow's failure
have been remedied.
Laurie, you are a badass.
Ah, yes. A compliment.
Well, I think the numbers
in our new prospectus
speak for themselves.
Sorry, you're projecting
that 70% of Pied Piper's
operating income is gonna
come from ad sales, but...
Pied Piper's
not gonna sell ads.
Yes. I understand that
is their current position.
No, Laurie, when we
offered them their series B,
I promised Richard that
we would never make them
harvest data or sell ads.
However, that language is
not part of their term sheet.
I am not saying that we will
force their hand on this issue.
But neither am I saying
definitively that we will not.
Okay, but you and I,
we are partners, right?
Of course.
Any decision we make,
we will certainly
make together.
Good. As long as that's clear.
And again, great job
closing our funding.
Ah, yes. Huzzah. Onward.
♪ ♪
Laurie, did you have
the big, hairy question
put back on my wall?
Yes. I like it there.
But I don't.
And yet...
All right.
One more, right there.
And done-zo.
Series ba-bam.
Richard, don't sign it.
Look, I can't protect you.
At some point, Laurie's
gonna fuck you over
and make you sell ads.
What?
And I don't think there's
anything I can do about it.
Don't sign the deal.
I just did. It's done.
Jesus Christ.
Laurie's gonna sell ads.
Isn't that
what I told you?
What the fuck
am I supposed to do now?
(bang)
God!
You know I can just
tear these up, right?
No, I know. Good.
Gavin:
I like it.
But can we adjust
the proportions?
Make the logo bigger?
And-- and make the flag bigger?
And-- and make
the box bigger, too.
It all just needs to be bigger.
Okay.
Bigger.
Yeah.
Sir.
Ah, Hoover.
How's the factory coming?
We almost online?
Not exactly, sir.
It's gone.
What do you mean?
Did that dipshit mayor
renege on our deal?
No, he made every effort,
including having
the factory repainted.
Okay. So what's the problem?
Well, apparently,
the painters left some
oily rags in a garbage can.
Mm-hmm.
But because of cuts
to the sanitation service,
the trash was not collected
and the rags smoldered
and caught fire.
And because of cuts
to the fire department,
the blaze spread.
A number of concerned citizens
volunteered to help
fight the fire,
but because the water
was cut off, they could not.
Okay, so what happened?
Well, the vast majority of our
expensive, rare earth materials
survived the fire.
Well, that's something.
Until the flames abated,
when because
of mass layoffs of police,
the locals that were
there to fight the fire
decided instead to loot
the burned-out factory.
The National Guard
attempted to reach the factory
to help stop this, but...
The roads.
The roads, sir, yes.
Okay.
So, we lost it all?
Everything?
Yes.
Also, the IRS called.
Somehow, they found out
about Bermuda.
♪ ♪
Look, when you take it
all into account,
turning down our series B
and doing an ICO
to fund your launch,
may actually give you
the best odds.
You said ICOs are suicide.
Well, I'm a VC
and some of that might have
been self-preservational.
Okay.
Well, even if you
were exaggerating,
you're still right.
I mean, Russ Hanneman had
36 chances to make an ICO work
and he basically failed.
I only have one.
Look, Gilfoyle can handle
all the technical stuff.
You just need
to hire someone
who can handle
the business side.
Like who?
I don't know.
I'm sorry, but I gotta
Uber back to the office
before Laurie realizes
I'm gone.
No, no, wait.
Who do I hire?
Someone who understands
securities, right?
Not necessarily.
I mean, your coin doesn't
have to be a security.
You could do a utility
token instead,
since you provide
an actual unit of compute.
Although, you'd have to
convince the SEC.
Damn it. Surge pricing.
Monica.
You might not even
need to bother
with a moving average
pricing strategy
when you launch.
But you will need to
keep a close eye on
statements from
the federal government,
South Korea, and China.
So, whoever you do hire
should definitely know
how to do all that.
Okay, six minutes.
Monica.
What?
It's you.
You're the right person.
No.
No. No, no, no, no, no.
Come on.
Give me one good reason.
I... love my job.
You hate working for Laurie.
With Laurie, okay?
We are both equal partners.
Okay.
Look, Monica.
I will do the ICO.
But only if you do it with me.
Come on.
Wait, what's happening?
Canceling my Uber.
So, you're in?
Fuck it.
I'm in.
(laughs)
Fuck series B.
PiedPiperCoin is
totally gonna work.
Yes. It is.
It totally is.
Dinesh:
So, just to confirm,
in order for this coin
to be worth
what series B
was worth to all of us,
it has to sell for how much?
$68.
Dinesh:
I see.
And seven cents
is less than that.
Yup.
Whose idea was this again?
I believe the initial idea
was Gilfoyle's.
To be fair, it was Monica
who really pushed it
over the goal line.
Well, I'm gonna head
down to the Tesla dealer
and beg them
to take my car back.
Well, that's something.
And my two referrals
fell through.
And I had to return mine.
So now the only Tesla
in the office is Priyanka's
and I'm paying for that.
So, that's cool.
Richard, adversity
is a great teacher.
Just like cigarette burns.
(phone ringing, vibrating)
Laurie, hi.
Laurie:
Monica.
Congratulations on the ICO.
(scoffs)
Yeah, yeah. Not quite
the numbers we were hoping for.
I'm sure
you're happy about that.
On the contrary.
Monica, you have certain values.
And I see no reason
you should not work with
companies that share them.
Similarly, I should
work with companies
that share my values.
So, no hard feelings?
No feelings at all, Monica.
We are friends
and we should
not let business
get in the way of that.
Speaking of, I am
stepping into a meeting.
Right, well, I'm surprised
you're taking this so well,
I really appreciate it,
Laurie.
Let us talk soon.
(speaking Chinese)
(speaks Chinese)
Have you received
my proposal?
(speaks Chinese)
Very promising.
("Metalstorm" by Cut Chemist)
♪ In the land of the lost,
we lay down law ♪
♪ Chopping off your head
to take your face on tour ♪
♪ Lacerate your lips,
then we shave off more ♪
♪ Electrocute your body
through the encore ♪
♪ When the cops come
and try to raid the jams ♪
♪ I change my physical form
to that of a ram ♪
♪ Alakazam, I'm half of a man ♪
♪ The other part of me
operates robotically ♪
♪ Psychology is
the dominant factor ♪
♪ Believe in the holograms
and step into the backdoor ♪
♪ Out for AM, more mayhem ♪
♪ Five fatal steps to death
unless we trace them ♪
♪ Five: hesitate to get live ♪
♪ Your career's postmortem,
now you can't survive ♪
♪ Four:
perpetuate the folklore ♪
♪ Live a lie, you can't
identify yourself no more ♪
♪ Three: Call yourself an MC ♪
♪ Practice minimally
and start fucking with me ♪
♪ Or the sorcery
to the ultimate degree ♪
♪ W-A-R W-M-D ♪
♪ C-W-O fall in love
with the dough ♪
♪ Till your spiritual essence ♪
♪ Is something that
you don't know about ♪
♪ Half the time,
they don't rhyme ♪
♪ Half the time,
they all lying ♪
♪ Half the time,
they all mine ♪
♪ Half the time,
they all yours ♪
♪ Half the time, we on tour ♪
RICHARD HENDRICKS: I just knew
we'd get some traction.
We are gaining
almost 12,000 users an hour!
-(CHEERING)
-Yeah!
You get a high-five and--
You really did a number
on that kid.
I just chipped away
everything
that wasn't Richard's assistant
and this is what's left.
Yeah!
This breaks our users down.
-MONICA HALL: Who's that?
-BERTRAM GILFOYLE: No idea.
It's the 51 percent attack.
They can delete all
of our users.
All of our developer apps.
Crash our coin.
This would be the end
of Pied Piper.
(DOOR OPENS)
(PANTING)
HENDRICKS:
Just went for a run.
(OUT OF BREATH) I sprinted...
up the last bit there.
What's goin' on?
do you think if I asked,
they would let me visit her?
RICHARD HENDRICKS:
Jared, she's gonna be okay.
I promise.
(DRILL WHIRRING)
♪ (HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
GAVIN BELSON:
That brilliant little idiot.
He found a way
around the patent!
It's Hendrick's internet,
but it's not
Hendrick's internet!
I will no longer be able
to manufacture your boxes.
You see, my company
will be manufacturing
a new device that will quickly
render yours obsolete.
Did you speak to Laurie
about our Series B?
-HENDRICKS: Sort of.
-(LAURIE RETCHING)
MONICA HALL: Nothing is personal
with Laurie, all right?
It's what makes her
such a great VC.
A term sheet
for your Series B.
Congratulations, Richard.
Thank you.
Richard:
Wow. That is one
expensive bottle.
You guys deserve the best
bottle of champagne they have.
Yeah, all champagne
tastes the same to me, so.
I agree, I mean,
what's the difference
between good champagne
and bad champagne?
About $500.
Guys, come on. Enjoy it.
You're about to close
a $30 million series B.
And you don't have
to sell any ads
or harvest user data,
which for
any other VC in town
would've been a non-starter.
Frankly, I'm surprised
that Laurie went for it.
Well, I'm not wild
about the idea
of her having
two more board seats.
I mean, she did kill Fiona
right in front of us.
Listen, don't worry
about Laurie, okay?
I'm gonna be your
point person on this.
She's got her plate full.
She's raising money to recover
from the whole Eklow debacle.
Okay.
So... to you guys.
All right.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Richard:
Yup, thanks.
All right. I have
a dinner meeting
and I kind of feel
like a fifth wheel,
so I'm gonna pick up the check,
leave you to celebrate.
Congrats again, guys.
Okay.
Jared: Bye.
Well, the only person
we don't spend
20 hours a day with just left.
So.
What's new with you guys?
Well, I'm thinking of buying
some new bookkeeping software.
All right. I think the only
actual way to celebrate
is to spend
one waking minute apart, so.
I'm gonna go.
Are you going home?
Let's-- let's share an Uber.
Oh, well, if you're going
that direction,
I'm-- I'm driving,
so I could drop you.
Dinesh:
Hey, Gilfoyle.
Wanna play Fortnite?
Oh, hold on, I didn't know
we were playing Fortnite.
Yeah, I'll come along.
(theme music plays)
♪ ♪
I would've taken that plate
to the sink for you.
Uh, it's okay.
I just finished, so.
How was the sandwich
I made you?
Was it good?
Good condiment blend?
Yeah. It was perfect, thanks.
Richard.
This might be
out of line, but...
would you mind telling Jared
how much you enjoyed
the sandwich?
I'm finding him
a little intimidating.
Sure, yeah.
Look, I know he can be
a little eccentric.
I tend to hold my breath
around him.
It's exacerbating my asthma.
Ooh, okay...
Richard, do you
have a moment?
You know what?
Holden just made me
a really good sandwich.
Oh, well, that's nice.
Yeah. Yep.
(clears throat)
Did he ask you
to mention that to me?
What? No.
Okay.
No, he's-- he's just great.
Well, "In doing what we ought,
we deserve no praise
because it is our duty."
St. Augustine.
So, um...
I've been keeping
track of the compute credits
that you gave to Laurie.
And she sold them
to Gigglybots
and then Gigglybots
sold them to SmashHub.
And they traded hands
a few more times,
the price increasing
each time until they were
bought by a venture fund
in Mountain View.
Okay, uh, so if we wanted
to buy them back,
how much would it cost us?
It's $1.6 million.
What?
The fuck?
More like that?
Yeah.
Danny:
So Dinesh, is it true?
Is series B happening?
We all heard it's happening.
Oh, guys, please,
you know I can't talk to you
about upper level
management stuff.
It's totally happening.
Look at his face.
He has the worst poker face.
No. Don't--
don't look at my face.
This is great news.
We're all getting
big, fat bonuses.
I was a little worried I made
a mistake ordering that Tesla.
Sorry, Tesla?
What Tesla?
Model S. Same as yours.
I mean, not exactly the same.
I ordered the P100D.
Newer model.
It's got longer
battery life--
You know what?
This is a workplace.
This is not a fucking
slumber party,
gabbing, gabbing.
And series B
is not a done deal.
Despite what my
face says, okay?
Don't trust this face.
No one should ever
trust this face.
Congrats on the Tesla, Danny.
So excited for you.
Series B, baby!
Fuck Danny.
I mean, I love my Tesla.
It has Insane Mode,
which means it goes
zero to 60 in 3.2 seconds,
which is literally insane.
But the Tesla
that Danny ordered
has Ludicrous Mode,
which means it goes
zero to 60 in 2.8 seconds.
So it's gonna take me
an entire 0.4 seconds
longer to get to 60.
I mean, how would you feel
if one of your neighbors
got a tiki head
bigger than yours?
Oh, well,
when we bought it,
we made sure it was
the biggest one
they made, so.
You're the biggest
tiki head guy
in the neighborhood.
I used to be
the Tesla guy
in the office.
I maxed out my credit cards
to be able to afford that thing.
And now that
we're getting series B,
any one of these bourgeois
new money millennial fucks
can just go out and buy one.
I don't wanna sound selfish,
but sometimes I wish
only I made money.
You know?
What are we
talking about, here?
You want us to launch
a cryptocurrency?
I do.
The fact that people are willing
to pay many multiples more
for our compute credits
than they're worth,
we have an opportunity here.
Worth is relative, Richard.
What do you mean?
Why do people covet
the silly pieces
of green cotton paper
in their wallets?
It's because
we are all sheep.
And we've mutually agreed
to endow certain things
with value.
And right now,
for some reason,
the market values our
credits more than we did.
Gilfoyle, we're not
gonna suddenly pivot
and become a digital
currency company.
I'm not proposing a pivot.
I'm proposing that
we sell digital currency
as a way to finance
our new Internet company.
You wanted
an alternative
to Laurie Bream.
Well, it's right here
in front of you.
PiedPiperCoin.
Okay, look, I...
I'm not gonna bet
the entire future
of my new Internet
and everything
I've worked for
on becoming the next Bitcoin.
You really expect me
to do that?
There are very few things
that I will defend
with true passion:
medical marijuana,
the biblical Satan as a metaphor
for rebellion against tyranny,
and mother fucking
Goddamn cryptocurrency.
Mmm.
I have a PowerPoint
that I've been wanting
to show you for some time.
Gavin:
Walk me through this.
We can't make
our boxes in China
because Yao has threatened
every manufacturer
in the country.
That's right.
We can't afford Bangladesh,
because the workers
have unionized.
Sadly, correct.
And we can't use
our place in Laos,
because one person
gets her scalp ripped off
and suddenly, everyone's
screaming regulations.
Yes.
You know, you hear
a lot of chatter
about the growth
of the global economy,
but no one wants to
talk about the downside.
Gavin, there is one other
manufacturing option
we haven't discussed yet,
which considering
the current circumstances,
might be worth consideration.
I'm open to anything.
America.
Fuck you.
I feel the same way.
But we were recently contacted
by the mayor of
Goldbriar, North Carolina.
They had a DVR
manufacturing plant
that closed.
The retooling would be minimal.
Scott:
They've got
a skilled labor pool
just sitting idle
and they sound desperate.
Really?
How desperate?
It was pitiful.
Really?
In 350 BCE,
Aristotle defined
sound money as being
durable, transferable,
divisible, scarce,
recognizable....
Gilfoyle?
and fungible.
What?
Can we skip ahead 2,400 years?
I mean, I know
what cryptocurrency is.
Richard, a lot of work
went into this presentation.
Okay.
Fine.
But you're missing out
on a lot of wisdom, here.
Why don't you tell me
what you know
about Bitcoin
as a jumping-off point?
Okay, sure.
Uh, well, I'm pretty sure
it was founded by
a Japanese guy...
Or guys, or girls,
going by the name
Satoshi Nakamoto in 2008.
True identity still unknown.
Okay, look, every day
I read an article
about how we're in
a Bitcoin bubble.
And who is writing
those articles?
I don't wanna say
the establishment.
But is it possible that
Warren Buffett
called Bitcoin
a pyramid scheme
because he has 92 billion
conventional dollars to protect?
Let's say he's right.
Let's say Bitcoin dies.
So what?
MySpace, Friendster,
they both died.
But they paved the way
for other social media tripe
like Facebook and Twitter
to completely
overrun the planet.
Crypto is out there.
And it's not going away.
It just feels sketchy.
In the same way that
a new Internet
is sketchy, Richard?
Well--
What is crypto?
If not decentralized,
anonymous, secure,
and an existential threat
to the powers that be?
I would think that you'd be
all-in on something like that.
Yeah. But do you really think
we can create a currency
worth $30 million?
Because that's what
we'd be giving up.
Maybe. Probably even more.
But even if it's less,
we would still gain
control, autonomy,
board seats and shares,
and you wouldn't have to rely
on a VC who once fired you
from your own company.
So, there is a mode
above Ludicrous Mode.
Am I correct?
Yes. It's called Plaid.
And it comes standard
on the new Tesla Roadster.
How do I get
into one of these babies?
Simple. You put down
a $50,000 deposit today.
Okay.
And you'll be behind the wheel
as soon as they
become available.
And how quickly
will that be, Stephanie?
Soon. We're thinking
a few years,
which goes by fast.
My daughter was
a teenager in high school.
Next thing I knew...
I'm gonna stop you
right there.
Your oily salesmanship
is starting to really
irritate me.
Okay?
I need to maintain
my Tesla superiority,
and I need to do it now.
Okay, I'm looking at
a new set of wheels here.
The 21-inch Arachnids.
Very nice.
But they're not for sale.
You can only get them
through our referral
awards program.
You refer three
other customers to us,
they buy a vehicle
and, zoop-zoop,
you get the wheels.
So, if I get more
people to buy Teslas,
then I will have the wheels
and no one else can get them?
Not even Danny?
I'm sorry, who's Danny?
He's the guy
with the shitty wheels.
Major Wilkins:
And now, the CEO of Hooli,
Mr. Gavin Belson.
(cheers and applause)
Thank you, Mayor Wilkins.
Thank you, Goldbriar, for this
warm, wonderful welcome.
You know, being
in North Carolina
always feels like a bit
of a homecoming for me.
I own a vacation property
just off the coast in Bermuda.
Technically, it is
my primary legal residence.
Good people of Goldbriar,
for too long, foreign interests
have used unfair trade
and labor practices
to plunder American wealth
and steal American jobs.
But I don't
blame them for that.
No. I blame weak, spineless
American politicians.
But if your mayor
does his job,
your jobs will come back,
and soon, you will
proudly be building
the Gavin Belson
Signature Box Three.
(applause)
But if for some reason
he can't make my
very reasonable proposal work,
you know who to blame.
I'm excited to get started.
What about y'all?
(cheers and applause)
(marching band plays)
♪ ♪
(dramatic sting)
♪ ♪
(sighs)
Jared: Hi, Holden.
Oh.
(dramatic sting)
Jared. Hi.
Hi.
Can I ask you a question?
Of course.
Did you ask Richard to tell me
that he liked the sandwich
that you made for him?
No.
Is that the truth?
Yes.
Okay.
Okay.
Good job with that plate.
Thanks.
(inhales deeply)
Dinesh:
Now, I can see
the looks on your faces.
I know what you're thinking.
Why does Dinesh care
so much if I buy a Tesla?
I'll tell you why.
Because Teslas
are good for the world.
Surprisingly pedestrian wheels,
but you get over that.
So, come on.
Series B, right? Cha-ching.
I was gonna use that
to pay off my student loans.
That's boring.
And don't take this
the wrong way,
but it seems like
it's very important
for you to be
the Tesla guy in the office.
Like, weirdly important.
I'm not weird, you're weird.
You guys are being so weird.
Come on. What's it gonna take
to get you into a Tesla today?
Here. I've printed out
hundreds of these.
There you go.
There you go,
pass these on.
Dave? Dave?
All right, what's this
interesting idea?
Gilfoyle and I were talking.
And this may seem a little
out there at first, but...
Instead of funding
our launch with a series B,
what about...
an ICO?
An initial coin offering?
It's basically a...
Are you a fucking moron?
Maybe I don't need
to be here for this.
Sit the fuck down.
Okay.
Richard, what are you doing?
Just exploring our options.
Why? You don't think
I have your back?
Look, I get that
you're giving up
board seats and shares,
but look what
you're getting in return.
As if the $30 million
you were getting
wasn't good enough,
we provide you
with marketing,
networking, staffing.
We help you
negotiate partnerships
and navigate regulations.
All these things that are
changing by the minute.
Gilfoyle, can you help
with any of that?
I'd rather just listen
if it's all the same to you.
Look, if you do an ICO,
you're not only
saying fuck you to us,
you're saying
fuck you to all VCs.
Jesus, Richard.
Why would you even
think it would be okay
to talk to me about this?
Like would you ask your wife
who you should cheat with?
No.
Well, maybe.
I don't know, I...
I guess I was just looking
for advice from a friend.
Oh, are we friends, Richard?
Yes, of course.
Really?
Have we spoken
once in the past year
about anything
other than business?
Yes.
Wait. No.
When's my birthday?
Come on.
Do I live in a house
or an apartment?
Did you even know
that I was married?
You are?
I was, I...
had it annulled
after three months.
Did he ask you
who he should cheat with?
Look, you came
for advice, fine.
Forget an ICO.
Okay? I'm sure Gilfoyle
told you that he can handle
all the technical stuff.
But this is not just
a math problem.
They're my direct competition.
I've done my homework on this.
So before you
walk away from stability
and gamble your
entire company on crypto,
there's another
"friend" of yours
I think you should talk to.
I was such a fucking pussy
when Bitcoin broke, Richard.
If I had the balls,
I'd have put every penny
I had into that shit
five years ago,
watched it go
up, up, up, up, up
and then pulled out right before
it all came crashing down again.
I mean, Jesus,
why didn't I do that?
Fuck me!
But then, it occurred to me--
I own 36 fucking
companies, Richard.
If I make them all ICO,
that's 36 bites at the apple.
So I did it.
You... you did 36 ICOs?
Yup.
Did they work?
You know, one of the things
being in the three comma club
has taught me, Richard,
is it's not always
about money.
Sometimes, it's about wisdom.
And did I lose a B?
Close to it. Fuck!
But I bet I gained
two B in wisdom.
So you lost it all?
Ha, ha, Richard,
if I didn't love
this crazy guy so much,
I'd knock his
fucking teeth out.
Nah, nah,
I didn't lose it all.
I mean, one of them
got shut down by the SEC.
On a few, we got scammed.
But some of them worked.
One of them worked.
One? One out of 36?
Yeah. Listen,
all the coin I had
from the ICO that worked
was on a USB thumb drive.
And my dumb
fucking housekeeper
threw out my jeans,
'cause they were ripped.
Even though I paid more
for the ripped ones.
And the thumb drive
was in the pocket, so.
$300 million in crypto
is buried out here, somewhere.
But my boys will find it.
If they wanna get paid, right?
And when they do,
that coin could
cover all the losers.
I mean, it's up 3,000%
in the last two weeks.
If it keeps going
like this over the next
three, four months,
we could be talking
the four comma club!
That's a T, not a B, Richard.
(man whistling)
Mr. Hanneman!
Shit, you found it?
(laughs)
Jose! Yes! No!
I said a thumb drive.
In the...
that's an actual thumb.
That's a human...
Just fucking put that back!
Again, Richard...
the math is sound.
♪ ♪
Well, Mayor, I sure have
enjoyed our time together.
Let me know
when you get this done.
Uh, Mr. Belson, I'm sorry,
but this list of demands
is not remotely workable
for a community of our size.
A mayor's job is never easy.
But you'll find a way,
if you care
about your constituents.
Mr. Belson, I grew up
in this town.
I've lived here
my entire life.
I'd do anything to...
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Your entire life?
Mm-hmm.
How old are you?
Forty-seven.
That's a little weird,
isn't it?
The point is, I'd do anything
to help the people of this area.
But giving you
public money on this scale
would decimate our budget.
I could have the local
high school renamed after you.
Rosa Parks has never even
been to Goldbriar.
I don't want
a fucking high school.
I wanna manufacture boxes
at an 80% profit margin.
I don't understand.
All my asshole friends
keep getting
NFL stadiums
and corporate headquarters,
all fully paid for.
And you can't make
one fucking factory happen?
I mean, the only things
I have left to cut
are essential services.
There you go. Do that.
You could have
a volunteer fire department.
Because I can't afford
a penny more than this.
Man:
Everybody ready?
(blows pitch pipe)
Two, three!
♪ Oh Carolina prowl off ♪
♪ Do-do-do-do ♪
♪ Jump an prance, oh Carolina ♪
♪ Prowl off jump an prance ♪
♪ Do-do-do-do ♪
♪ Oh Carolina gal prowl off ♪
♪ Gal yuh fi jump an prance ♪
♪ Prowl off ♪
♪ Do-do-do-do ♪
♪ Jump and prance ♪
(jet engines revving)
♪ Carolina come bubble
'pon me ♪
♪ Oh, watch how she groove ♪
Dinesh:
So, pretty sweet, right?
Woman:
Yeah, it's nice.
Sorry we couldn't find
a safe spot to try Insane Mode.
It feels like your
kidneys are gonna get, like,
ripped right through
the back of your body.
It's like...
Yeah, I don't think
I'd wanna do that.
Well you don't need to do it.
But you wanna be able to
tell people that you can do it.
Right? It's like having a gun.
So, Charlie and Nadia
have already said yes.
You'll finally have something
to talk to them about.
Oh, let me think about it.
Fine. Okay, just
pull into the designated EV--
...2.8 seconds.
Oh, fuck.
Danny already got his car.
I'll pay your down payment
and first three months.
Do we have a deal?
Wow, really?
Make it six months.
Fine! Okay, just go.
Hide before Danny
sees us in this shitty car.
Go, go, go. Go.
Wow, uh...
♪ ♪
(phone vibrating)
Hello?
Hey, guess what?
My boss just bought me a car!
What? No! Ew. Ugh!
Richard? Ron LaFlamme's
office just called.
And the series B paperwork
is ready for you to sign.
Okay.
Uh, well, then I guess
I'll just go over there
and sign it.
Richard, I know you were
pinning your hopes on the ICO,
but I-- I think series B
is the right call.
Yeah, no, I-- I hope so.
We're gonna get
the money we need to launch,
and everyone out there
is gonna get a great bonus.
And then, you're gonna have
an army of happy
and highly motivated workers...
Richard:
Jared?
Everything okay with Holden?
You mean, like, mentally?
I was wondering that, too.
No. No, no.
Just, like...
like, with you and him.
Just seems like you're being
really hard on him.
Do you like him?
Yeah. I mean, sure.
Okay. It's okay
if you like him.
That's all that matters, right?
Yeah.
Okay. Well,
I'll see you when, uh...
I'll see you when you
get back from LaFlamme's.
♪ ♪
(dramatic sting)
Laurie:
Every institutional investor
to whom I reached out
agreed to participate
in our second fund.
The capital issues we faced
due to Eklow's failure
have been remedied.
Laurie, you are a badass.
Ah, yes. A compliment.
Well, I think the numbers
in our new prospectus
speak for themselves.
Sorry, you're projecting
that 70% of Pied Piper's
operating income is gonna
come from ad sales, but...
Pied Piper's
not gonna sell ads.
Yes. I understand that
is their current position.
No, Laurie, when we
offered them their series B,
I promised Richard that
we would never make them
harvest data or sell ads.
However, that language is
not part of their term sheet.
I am not saying that we will
force their hand on this issue.
But neither am I saying
definitively that we will not.
Okay, but you and I,
we are partners, right?
Of course.
Any decision we make,
we will certainly
make together.
Good. As long as that's clear.
And again, great job
closing our funding.
Ah, yes. Huzzah. Onward.
♪ ♪
Laurie, did you have
the big, hairy question
put back on my wall?
Yes. I like it there.
But I don't.
And yet...
All right.
One more, right there.
And done-zo.
Series ba-bam.
Richard, don't sign it.
Look, I can't protect you.
At some point, Laurie's
gonna fuck you over
and make you sell ads.
What?
And I don't think there's
anything I can do about it.
Don't sign the deal.
I just did. It's done.
Jesus Christ.
Laurie's gonna sell ads.
Isn't that
what I told you?
What the fuck
am I supposed to do now?
(bang)
God!
You know I can just
tear these up, right?
No, I know. Good.
Gavin:
I like it.
But can we adjust
the proportions?
Make the logo bigger?
And-- and make the flag bigger?
And-- and make
the box bigger, too.
It all just needs to be bigger.
Okay.
Bigger.
Yeah.
Sir.
Ah, Hoover.
How's the factory coming?
We almost online?
Not exactly, sir.
It's gone.
What do you mean?
Did that dipshit mayor
renege on our deal?
No, he made every effort,
including having
the factory repainted.
Okay. So what's the problem?
Well, apparently,
the painters left some
oily rags in a garbage can.
Mm-hmm.
But because of cuts
to the sanitation service,
the trash was not collected
and the rags smoldered
and caught fire.
And because of cuts
to the fire department,
the blaze spread.
A number of concerned citizens
volunteered to help
fight the fire,
but because the water
was cut off, they could not.
Okay, so what happened?
Well, the vast majority of our
expensive, rare earth materials
survived the fire.
Well, that's something.
Until the flames abated,
when because
of mass layoffs of police,
the locals that were
there to fight the fire
decided instead to loot
the burned-out factory.
The National Guard
attempted to reach the factory
to help stop this, but...
The roads.
The roads, sir, yes.
Okay.
So, we lost it all?
Everything?
Yes.
Also, the IRS called.
Somehow, they found out
about Bermuda.
♪ ♪
Look, when you take it
all into account,
turning down our series B
and doing an ICO
to fund your launch,
may actually give you
the best odds.
You said ICOs are suicide.
Well, I'm a VC
and some of that might have
been self-preservational.
Okay.
Well, even if you
were exaggerating,
you're still right.
I mean, Russ Hanneman had
36 chances to make an ICO work
and he basically failed.
I only have one.
Look, Gilfoyle can handle
all the technical stuff.
You just need
to hire someone
who can handle
the business side.
Like who?
I don't know.
I'm sorry, but I gotta
Uber back to the office
before Laurie realizes
I'm gone.
No, no, wait.
Who do I hire?
Someone who understands
securities, right?
Not necessarily.
I mean, your coin doesn't
have to be a security.
You could do a utility
token instead,
since you provide
an actual unit of compute.
Although, you'd have to
convince the SEC.
Damn it. Surge pricing.
Monica.
You might not even
need to bother
with a moving average
pricing strategy
when you launch.
But you will need to
keep a close eye on
statements from
the federal government,
South Korea, and China.
So, whoever you do hire
should definitely know
how to do all that.
Okay, six minutes.
Monica.
What?
It's you.
You're the right person.
No.
No. No, no, no, no, no.
Come on.
Give me one good reason.
I... love my job.
You hate working for Laurie.
With Laurie, okay?
We are both equal partners.
Okay.
Look, Monica.
I will do the ICO.
But only if you do it with me.
Come on.
Wait, what's happening?
Canceling my Uber.
So, you're in?
Fuck it.
I'm in.
(laughs)
Fuck series B.
PiedPiperCoin is
totally gonna work.
Yes. It is.
It totally is.
Dinesh:
So, just to confirm,
in order for this coin
to be worth
what series B
was worth to all of us,
it has to sell for how much?
$68.
Dinesh:
I see.
And seven cents
is less than that.
Yup.
Whose idea was this again?
I believe the initial idea
was Gilfoyle's.
To be fair, it was Monica
who really pushed it
over the goal line.
Well, I'm gonna head
down to the Tesla dealer
and beg them
to take my car back.
Well, that's something.
And my two referrals
fell through.
And I had to return mine.
So now the only Tesla
in the office is Priyanka's
and I'm paying for that.
So, that's cool.
Richard, adversity
is a great teacher.
Just like cigarette burns.
(phone ringing, vibrating)
Laurie, hi.
Laurie:
Monica.
Congratulations on the ICO.
(scoffs)
Yeah, yeah. Not quite
the numbers we were hoping for.
I'm sure
you're happy about that.
On the contrary.
Monica, you have certain values.
And I see no reason
you should not work with
companies that share them.
Similarly, I should
work with companies
that share my values.
So, no hard feelings?
No feelings at all, Monica.
We are friends
and we should
not let business
get in the way of that.
Speaking of, I am
stepping into a meeting.
Right, well, I'm surprised
you're taking this so well,
I really appreciate it,
Laurie.
Let us talk soon.
(speaking Chinese)
(speaks Chinese)
Have you received
my proposal?
(speaks Chinese)
Very promising.
("Metalstorm" by Cut Chemist)
♪ In the land of the lost,
we lay down law ♪
♪ Chopping off your head
to take your face on tour ♪
♪ Lacerate your lips,
then we shave off more ♪
♪ Electrocute your body
through the encore ♪
♪ When the cops come
and try to raid the jams ♪
♪ I change my physical form
to that of a ram ♪
♪ Alakazam, I'm half of a man ♪
♪ The other part of me
operates robotically ♪
♪ Psychology is
the dominant factor ♪
♪ Believe in the holograms
and step into the backdoor ♪
♪ Out for AM, more mayhem ♪
♪ Five fatal steps to death
unless we trace them ♪
♪ Five: hesitate to get live ♪
♪ Your career's postmortem,
now you can't survive ♪
♪ Four:
perpetuate the folklore ♪
♪ Live a lie, you can't
identify yourself no more ♪
♪ Three: Call yourself an MC ♪
♪ Practice minimally
and start fucking with me ♪
♪ Or the sorcery
to the ultimate degree ♪
♪ W-A-R W-M-D ♪
♪ C-W-O fall in love
with the dough ♪
♪ Till your spiritual essence ♪
♪ Is something that
you don't know about ♪
♪ Half the time,
they don't rhyme ♪
♪ Half the time,
they all lying ♪
♪ Half the time,
they all mine ♪
♪ Half the time,
they all yours ♪
♪ Half the time, we on tour ♪
RICHARD HENDRICKS: I just knew
we'd get some traction.
We are gaining
almost 12,000 users an hour!
-(CHEERING)
-Yeah!
You get a high-five and--
You really did a number
on that kid.
I just chipped away
everything
that wasn't Richard's assistant
and this is what's left.
Yeah!
This breaks our users down.
-MONICA HALL: Who's that?
-BERTRAM GILFOYLE: No idea.
It's the 51 percent attack.
They can delete all
of our users.
All of our developer apps.
Crash our coin.
This would be the end
of Pied Piper.
(DOOR OPENS)
(PANTING)
HENDRICKS:
Just went for a run.
(OUT OF BREATH) I sprinted...
up the last bit there.
What's goin' on?