Silicon Valley (2014–…): Season 5, Episode 8 - Fifty-One Percent - full transcript

What are we talking about here?

You want us to launch
a cryptocurrency?

BERTRAM GILFOYLE: You wanted
an alternative to Laurie Bream?

Pied Piper Coin.

Mm.

I promised Richard
that we would never

make him harvest data
or sell ads.

I am not saying that we will
force their hand on this issue,

but neither am I saying
definitively that we will not.

Have you received my proposal?

(RESPONDS IN CHINESE)
Very promising.



Look, Monica, I will do the ICO,
but only if you do it with me.

Pied Piper Coin
is totally gonna work.

Yes! Totally is.

-(BUZZING)
-MAN: Whose idea was this again?

Okay, everybody.

Let's do this.

Photo time. Let's go.

Front-enders, come on in.
Where's my back-enders?

I see you, crypto-geeks.

(laughing delightedly)

Follow me! (chuckles)

Old Pipey thing.

Holden. Are we set?

Sorry. I haven't used
this camera before.



(enunciating)
Are we set?

Yes, Jared.

Look... uh, look, guys.

I-I know we didn't
have the budget
we wanted to get here.

But, we are here.

Finally,
all our hard work
has paid off.

So now, the world's first,
totally decentralized internet

will be live... in five...

Crowd joining in:
Four,

three, two, one.

Yeah!

(cheering)
(whistle blowing)

(whistle fades)

♪ ♪

(tapping)

Dinesh:
Richard. Richard!

Richard.

You have to see this.

What's wrong now?

A good thing. (chuckles)

A good thing has
finally happened.

Don't fuck with me.

(quietly)
I am not fucking with you!

Come, come.

Look.

Look at the user numbers.

Wait, holy shit.
Is that right?

I think we've reached
the inflection point.

We made it.

Don't, just... don't.
Yeah.

Richard:
Well, I think this calls
for a little celebration.

I just knew that
if we kept plugging away,

eventually, we'd get
some traction

and reach
an inflection point.

What did I keep saying?

Give us time and then
we'll climb, bitches!

Richard:
Yes, Holden.

That's right, except for
the bitches part, but yes.

And now, we are gaining
almost 12,000 users an hour!

(cheering)

Fuck, yeah!

You get a high five
and you get a high five!

Fuck yeah!
I wanna give
a quick shout-out

to my seven developers,

my Septapipers,

who stuck with us
through thick and thin,

unlike K-Hole,

which took their game
and totally bailed on us.

(crowd booing)

Lock them up!
Lock them up!

Jesus, Jared.
You really did a number
on that kid.

God. Yeah.

I just chipped away
everything that wasn't
Richard's assistant

and this is what's left.

Lock them up!

(theme music playing)

So, how are things
advancing?

To date,

we have manufactured almost
400,000 mobile devices.

And we are signing them all
onto the Pied Piper network?

Yes.

Well, we have
to do it manually.

It is slow.

But it provides an advantage.

They may not know
what we are doing

until it's too late
for them to stop us.

Indeed.

Yeah. To be honest,

at times, I find it difficult
to tell what you're thinking.

Mmm, I see.

♪ Come on babe ♪

♪ Follow me ♪

♪ I'm the Pied Piper ♪

♪ Follow me
I'm the Pied... ♪

Monica:
Pappy Van Winkle?

I'm not gonna
have to start

locking my desk drawer
now, am I?

Hey, does this seem
odd to you?

What?

So, our user numbers
have been growing for days,

but our coin value is flat.

It hasn't budged at all.

I thought the two
would be correlated,

at least a little bit.

Yeah. Should be.

Sorry, I don't mean to
rain on the parade.

I find parades to be

impotent displays
of authoritarianism.

Whose bag is this?

Uh... oh.
Scoot over.

Colin?

Hey, man.
What are you doing here?

I like the beard.
You throwing a party?

Yeah. Something that you
and K-Hole Games
could've been a part of,

had you not
walked out on us.

Oh, come on, man.
Laurie was our VC.

She's the one that
made me pull the game
and bail on you guys.

So you just do
whatever Laurie says, huh?

Well, she had control
of my board.
Hmm.

Which is exactly how she
just managed to fire me.

You lost your company?

(sarcastically)
Aw. Bummer.

But, the cool part is,
I'm free.

Which is why I'm here.

I have been cooking up
a solo project on the side

for a few years.

It's a killer new game.

And I was thinking maybe,

we would launch it
on your network.

It's a sweet indie RPG.

I'm calling it
"The Gates of Galloo."

I have a ton of presales.

If we put this thing
on Pipernet, bam.

You're gonna have
80,000 instant users.
(snaps fingers)

What do you say?
You and K-Hole
pull your game.

A game that was
the central element

to our launch strategy.

And then literally days
after everything starts
to fucking come together,

you stroll on in here and act
like nothing ever happened?

Stroll?

I just walked in here normally.

Besides, this would
help you out too, right?

You-- you wanna help me out?

You just lost your company.

I'm in there celebrating,

with my fucking victory.

Dude.

Can I be real with you?

I really need this.

Can I be realer?

Kiss my piss.

What?

You heard me.
Kiss my piss.

I was hoping
you'd be cool about this.

Oh, really? You thought
I might be cool,
Mr. Backwards Hat?

Is this cool, huh?

To do this, maybe?

I don't know.

Kiss my piss.

Kiss...

my piss.

All right, I get it.

Kiss my piss.

I'll see you around, Richard.

Karma's a bitch, Colin.

♪ ♪

Oh! Monica, hey.

Hey.
Hey, I was just coming
in early to clean up

for the custodial staff.

When did you get here?

We never left.
We?

All right. Good to go.

You were both here
all night?

Our coin price wasn't growing
with our user numbers,

so we coded a diagnostic tool
to go through the ledger

and figure out exactly where
our users are coming from.

Yes. We coded it.

You're smoking
my cigarettes, asshole.

In a public workspace,
in the state of California,
no less.

Shall we?
(clears throat)

This breaks our users down

by which developers
signed them on.

So, each bar is one of our
seven Septopipers.

Wait, why are there eight bars?

Who-- who's that?
No idea.

But whoever it is,
they are the reason for most
of our new user growth.

Wait, so some non-piper
out there is signing up

users to our network
en masse?

How'd they get
access to our system?

Without a key from us,

the only way in
is to steal our software.

But no one has
stolen our software.

Except for...

Oh, shit.

(loud music playing)
(cell phone vibrating)

Hello?

Hey, Jian-Yang.
It's Big Head.

How's it going, man?

He's been in contact

with Jian-Yang
this whole time?

Yeah, they play
Words with Friends.

Cool, cool. Listen, Gilfoyle
wants to ask you a question.

No. I don't want
to talk to Gilfoyle.

He's a racist and a witch.

I'm not a witch.
Now spit out the kimchi

and tell me what the fuck
is going on with our network.

Fuck you.
I'll tell you nothing.

(dealer speaks
foreign language)

Okay.
I'll tell you everything.

But I want to
move back into the house.

I want to come home.

Wait, what?

It's not that big a deal.

I mean, Jian-Yang could
just take Erlich's old room.

So...

I don't give a fuck about that.

So, Jian-Yang said
Gavin Belson tried to buy
our stolen software?

Yes, but before he could,

he was outmaneuvered
by a Chinese man named Yao.

Yao? Who the fuck is Yao?

This guy.

He's a Chinese manufacturer

who just announced
a partnership with
guess who?

Laurie Bream.

She just led
a $200 million round
for something called YaoNet.

So Laurie and Yao
are manufacturing phones,

and signing them
onto our network.

But why?
Why would they
wanna help us?

Oh, shit.

They're not helping us.
They're attacking us.

It's the 51% attack.

Has to be.
I'm sorry, what?

A 51...

(ice rattling loudly)

A 51% attack...

(ice continues rattling)

The beauty of our
decentralized internet

is that no one controls it.

But if 51% were controlled
by one entity,

like, say,
Laurie and Yao,

they could rewrite
the rules for everyone.

They can delete
all of our users,

all of our developer apps,
crash our coin.

This would be
the end of Pied Piper.
Fuck!

Okay. How many
devices do they have?

(typing)

Right now, they have
45% of our total.

And gaining.
Wait, Gilfoyle.

Could you write a patch
that kicks all of Yao's
users off the network?

I would have to rewrite
our consensus protocol,

but I could probably
get that done in eight hours.

Okay, that's good.

And-- and how long do we have

till we lose control
of the network?

At this rate,
half that.

(groans)

(door opens)

(panting)

I just went for a run.

I sprinted...

up the last bit, there.

I did open palm.

Aaah!

Wh-What's going on?

Richard, there's no
easy way to say this.

Jian-Yang is moving
back into the house.

Right?

Gavin, you've staked
the entire future
of this company

on the Signature Box Three.

Where are they?

Well, the last two months
have been challenging.

The Chinese were petulant.

The North Carolinians
proved very entitled.

And I held out hopes
for our experiment
in the Yukon Territories.

But as it happens,

the Inuit are surprisingly
adept at collective bargaining.

But fear not,

I am in the early
stages of a new plan.

Did you know that some of
America's most capable,
motivated laborers

are at this moment
awaiting execution?

Gavin.

How many boxes have you
actually managed to produce?

Well, we have the 40 prototypes,

which we've been
using to drive sales.

And?
And...

they are very impressive.

I see.

I guess it's time we tell you.

We've been exploring
the viability

of an acquisition with Amazon.

Rachel:
The talks are still
preliminary,

but thus far, they seem
quite promising.

You expect me
to work for Jeff Bezos?

No fucking way.

I mean, don't take this
as any kind of threat,

but if Amazon buys
this company, I am out.

We spoke to Jeff an hour ago.

It sounds like the two of you
are on the same page about that.

Priyanka, start separating
legitimate users

into their own pool.

Becky, I need you to
rate-limit enemy devices.

Danny, find shortcuts to deploy
a new consensus protocol.

Sorry, but we're never
gonna finish in time.

Not with that attitude.

Yeah, we would need
to add a shit ton
more users immediately.

Working on it. Colin, hey.
It's-- it's Richard Hendricks.

Leaving you another voicemail.

Um, just wanted
to talk to you
about your game.

And, uh, those, uh, 80,000
users you got there.

And also, to apologize
for last night.

You know, I was just
really wasted.
I was so drunk.

We had such
a crazy party going on.

Anyway, call me back
and we'll, uh,

we'll chat some
"Gates of Galloo."

We'll, uh, we'll "Galloo" it up.

How's that sound?
Well, just call me back.

Okay? It's-- it's
Richard Hendricks, it's...

Thank you. Bye.

Left another voicemail.
Doesn't really matter.

He's gonna be off the grid
for the next three days.

What?
Yeah, I just spoke
with his girlfriend.

Whatever the fuck you said,
he took really hard.

Colin went camping. Alone.

Well, did she say
where he went?

The Los Trancos Preserve?

Wait. I know exactly
where that is.

I used to go
foraging for mushrooms

with my friend Muriel there
before she passed away.

I could drive up there
and-- and look for him.

It's only 20 miles away

and they don't really
enforce the speed limit.

Fuck your Volt.
I'll drive.

What-- what are you doing?
I'm borrowing my Tesla.

It's my Tesla.
I pay for it.

And if I don't get
to Colin in time,

Pied Piper ceases to exist.

So, pretty please with
a fucking cherry on top,

can I borrow the Tesla
I bought for you?

Can Jared drive?
No.

Fine.
Thank you.

(footsteps approaching)

So...?

So... we're fucked.

No, we're not.
Okay, we just...

We need a few more users

to give Gilfoyle
some breathing room and...

And what if you call
Dana from Quiver?

He hates me.
Everybody does.

And to be honest,
they're right.
I'm an asshole.

No, you're not, Richard.

Yes, I am.

Colin was here last night,
out there in the hallway,

down on his luck

and he was begging me
to take his subscribers.

And I told him to...

kiss... my piss.

You what?
Kiss my piss.

I said it again and again.

Oh my God. I did a dance.

Okay, okay, okay.
Let's just move on
from... this.

I am a spiteful,
vengeful prick.

Oh my God, Richard.

Yes, you fucked up.

But that doesn't mean
you're a bad person.

Look at you,
you're sitting here,
regretting it.

That's not the move
of an asshole.

Okay? I mean, you think
a guy like Gavin Belson
just sits around,

feeling bad about
being a dick to people?

He doesn't even notice, okay?

The guy's a prick
when he was on top

and now after
everything that
just happened,

he's still gonna be a prick.

What do you--
What do you mean?

Everything that just happened.
What happened?

I just read that Amazon's
probably gonna be
acquiring Hooli.

What?

Yeah, so Gavin Belson's
gonna be out on his ass,

but do you think he's gonna
change at all because of it?

No, he's always gonna be a...

prick.

Exactly.
Okay, so stop
whipping yourself

and let's just figure out
what we can do.
He's a prick.

Yes.
Gavin Belson is a prick.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

He's a... he's a total...

fucking prick.
Wait, where
are you going?

Dinesh:
How could it be
this crowded?

Burning Man's
in two weeks,

so people are beta testing
their new gear.

Why would people
who aren't refugees

choose to come here
and live like refugees?

You know that's not,
like, a desirable thing, right?

Living like a refugee? Ugh!

This place is offensive
to homeless people.

Gavin (on speaker):
Hello?
Hello, Gavin?

It's Richard Hendricks.
Richard Hendricks.

(glass clatters)

Mind the glass.
Yeah.

Oh. It's all
smashed up again.

What do you want, Richard?

I need your help.

Look, my network
is in trouble.

And I know that deep down,
in your heart, what you...

Oh, for fuck's sake.
You're not gonna give me

another one
of your inspirational,

in defense of
great technology speeches,
are you?

Stand up and
fight for innovation,

that kind of bullshit?

No. Exactly the opposite.

I happen to know
that a man named Yao

fucked you over.

How would you like
to fuck him back?

I'm listening.

I need you to attack me.

Gavin (on phone):
John? It's Gavin Belson.

Oh. Hello.

Listen, John.
Do we still
have the prototypes

of my Signature
Box Three strung up?

Yeah.

They told us they
were gonna send more, but...

they never did.

Well, that's a long story.

I got time.
Yeah, listen, John...

I need you
to give admin access
to Richard Hendricks.

Becky, did you run
connection throttling

on the latest batch
of device IDs?

Yes. You know why?

I'm not a moron.

Oh, I see.
I'm the asshole.

Really?

You really wanna
have this conversation?

You're both assholes.

Shut the fuck up.

The fuck does it matter.

We're never gonna finish
this patch in time, anyway.

(ding)

Wait, what the fuck...
(phone vibrating)

just happened?

Dick, where are you?

I'm at Gavin's.

I just gave his boxes permission

to mimic a shit-ton
of phones on our network.

A second attack.

Richard (on phone):
Yes, exactly.

Now Yao can't get to 51%.
Where are we with the patch?

Close, but you do realize

that now that
we're below 51%,

we can't deploy it.

For now, we can't win.

But since Gavin
is holding off Yao,
we can't lose either.

He just bought us some time.

Okay, I'll see you in a bit.

Well, Gavin,
thank you very much.

You just gave me
and my guys
a fighting chance.

Is that what just
happened here, Richard?

Yes.

No?
Seems to me,

you are the one
that just gave me
a fighting chance.

Ni hao.

It's Gavin Belson
for Mr. Yao.

What the fuck are you doing?

Jared:
This is the last road, Dinesh.

He's not here.

Colin! Colin!

Will you shut the fuck up?

How would you like to
die today, motherfucker?

No, it's not a real
death threat, sir.

Jared: I'm sorry.
I'm just stressed.
(gunfire and screaming)

Shut up for a second.
You hear that?

(gunfire and screaming
continue)

(gunfire and screaming
continues)

So, you want us to delete
all of our phones?

Right now,
we're in a standoff.

You can't win,
but if you back off, I can.

I have more
devices than anyone,

I will reach 51%,

and take control of
this little shit's network.

You know,
can I chime in here?

I actually think that
this is a bad idea, and...

In exchange for deleting
your principal competition,

I'm simply asking
for a partnership

between your venture
and Hooli.

Well, he's actually
leaving Hooli.
They're firing him.

So I don't know where
the connection could--

for fuck's sake.

I'm sure my board would find

an arrangement
between YaoNet and Hooli

vastly preferable
to fire sale-ing

the company to Jeff Bezos.

My proposal is I help you,

in exchange for a 20% stake
in your venture.

And I have
a counterproposal,

that you do not do that.

Gavin...

How do we proceed?

Because...

We like it.

(klaxon blaring)

(woman speaking
in foreign language)

(indistinct chatter)

♪ ♪

(gunfire and screaming
continues)

(explosions and screaming)

(device beeps)
(screaming stops)

Hey, guys.
What are you doing here?

We tried calling you.
A hundred times.

Yeah, I'm off the grid.

And...

Done.

All right, so the patch
is ready?

Indeed.

Now, maybe someday,

Dark Lord willing,
we'll actually
get to deploy...

(gong rings)
Boo-yah!

We just crushed
the patch, Pipers!

Holden, give me that
fucking mallet right now!

Drop it!
Wait, what the fuck?

(phone vibrating)

Care to tell me
what the fuck
is going on now?

Gavin is fucking us.
(grinding)

He just convinced Yao
to pull his phones.

What the fuck is that noise?

Gavin's making ice cream.

Fuck.
Richard: Yeah.

Gilfoyle:
Can you kill his devices?
No, I can't.

He just had his
server guy lock me out.

Look, we need Colin.

We need "Galloo," now.

All right, well, it's a pretty
straight road from here, so...

Hold on to your kidneys,
motherfuckers!

We are going Ludicrous!

(beeping)

What the fuck?

(phone ringing, vibrating)

Oh. What?

Valet mode. You put me
in fucking valet mode.

You wrecked your Tesla.
You're not wrecking mine.

Come on, that caps me
at 70 miles per hour,
limits performance

to 80 kilowatts.

Come on, you have to
let me do Ludicrous Mode, now!

I've been a total
gentleman about this.

I have Colin!

I want two more months
of payments.

One more month.

Fine. Do not crash.

Dinesh:
Here we go.

Three...

two...

one...

(car revving)

(screaming)

(distorted screaming)

We've got all
63 distributed systems
engineers on the job, Gavin.

The patch you asked for
is nearly finished.

Wonderful.
Call me when we hit 51%.

Hey, Richard.
I know what might
cheer you up.

How about a little ice cream?

Come on, guys.
Where the fuck are you?

(indistinct police radio)

Well, this is fucked.

I heard on a podcast
that patrol men

are actually a lot more
tempted by bribes
than you might think.

Officer, hi.

Is there anything
I can do to make this all...

go away?

Sir, I would think
very carefully

about the next words
that come out of your mouth.

Oh, shit.
(alarm beeping)

Well, look at that.
(phone vibrates)

51%.

Yeah, Scott?

Yes, I know.

I just saw.

No, not yet.
Hold on a moment.

Gavin.

What is our status?

Friends, I'm about to delete

Mr. Hendricks' life's work.

I thought you'd
wanna see it happen.

Richard, was that too mean?

Oh, well.
Should we get to it?

Scott...
Wait.

Take it. Just take it.

Take what?

Pied Piper.

The whole network. All of it.

Just please don't destroy it.

I'd rather give it away
than watch it die.

As much as I hate to admit,

who better to take it
than you, Gavin?

I mean, you're
really the only one

who realizes what
the decentralized internet
could be.

I find this uninteresting.
Can we proceed?

You wrote the patent
and gave it to me.

Hell, you hired
the best 63 distributed
systems engineers in the city.

I mean, you could build this
into what it was meant to be.

Gavin, enough.

Come on, you know
that my network

is way better than
some knockoff.

And instead of taking
a minority stake
in their company,

you could take
total control of mine.

Why would you turn that down?

Let's make it official.
I will, uh...

I will sign my company
over to you.

It's yours, Gavin. You win.

Okay?

Take it.
Just please don't delete it.

All our phones
are turned off, now.

Gavin, delete
Pied Piper immediately
or we will walk away.

Not if I walk away first.

Sorry, but this
gives me all the cards.

I get Hooli back.

Fuck Bezos and fuck you
and your 20% offer.

And fuck the
Signature Box Three.

I get a complete do-over.

Tim Cook keeps
inviting me to his brunches.

Fuck him!

I'll host the fucking brunches.

All because
Mr. Hendricks here

was kind enough to...

Sorry, what does this say?

Kiss my...
Piss.

Kiss my piss.

Kiss my piss.

Richard, please stop
the movement.
Kiss my piss.

I find it annoying.
Richard: Kiss my piss.

Yes, we don't like it.

What the fuck
are you doing, Richard?

What does it look like?
I'm fucking you over, Gavin.

You're what?
I was stalling!

"Galloo"?
What the fuck is "Galloo"?

Colin:
Kaboom. You just got
80,000 new users.

Oh! Yes.

(Jared laughing)

Scott. Run the patch.

It's not working.

We've lost control
of the network.

Gilfoyle...

when you're ready.

Bombs away.

(rapid beeping)

What the fuck
just happened?

(powering down)

Colin, you did it.
You saved us.

No. That was all Dinesh.

That was quick fucking
thinking with that cop.
Yeah.

(distorted screaming)

Yeah!

Holden!
Get the fuck down!

Monica.

Cheers.
For me?

Holden:
Yeah!

You saw our coin price,
right?

It's going up.
(Monica chuckles)

Well, look at that.

Holden:
Come on!

Jared finally broke him.

Holden: Get it!
Yeah.

(clattering)

I like you.

Not in a--

Holden:
Fuck yeah!

(clattering)

Yeah.
You understand
what I'm saying.

Sure.

Come on,
don't be assholes.

We can still do our deal.

You still need
an American partner

for your network,
don't you?

I believe we are now
entitled to explore
other options.

Thanks for the help,
Gavin.

And, uh, thanks
for the ice cream.

(shatters)

We will tell Jeff Bezos
you say hello.

Yes?
Yes.

Yes.

♪ ♪

(loud banging)
Gavin: Fuck!

And we'd be right up here.

Ooh!
Love the video fireplace.

Yeah.

Wow. It's magnificent.

It's a little bright.

But I could find
a dark corner to settle into.

It's great.

When do these guys move out?

Oh, no, this isn't our space.

We're actually
right through here.

Here we go.

What do you guys think?

Uh, I'm sorry.

What part of this
would we be renting?

All of it.

What?

Jared:
Yeah, we're signing
new developers every day.

That's gonna require hundreds
of new engineers, Richard.

Monica:
And the staff
to support them.

Legal, accounting,
HR, government affairs.

Richard:
Whoa. Why would we need that?

Monica:
To deal with things
like the NSA.

They called yesterday.

They have a lot of
questions about our tech.

And about inserting a back door.

We can push back.

Richard:
Against the government?

Dinesh:
I don't love that.
Gilfoyle: I do.

Monica: Do you guys wanna
see the second floor?

Richard:
There's another floor?

Monica:
There's three more, actually.

This all used
to be part of Hooli.

Richard:
Okay.

(Richard retching and coughing)

Richard:
Whoa!

Jared: I know.
It's exciting, right?

("Getaway"
by Uncle Walt's Band playing)

♪ All of the ground
is turning green ♪

♪ And Johnny's working
on a big machine ♪

♪ Eight months left for
the working man to sing ♪

♪ Down at the store,
they are selling the ground ♪

♪ And the teenagers
are tearing the
church house down ♪

♪ Someday I'm going
to make my getaway ♪

♪ Someday ♪

♪ Someday ♪

♪ All of the children
of the Heavenly King ♪

♪ Are going to run away ♪

♪ Make a getaway ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Someday, someday ♪

♪ All of the children
of the Heavenly King ♪

♪ Are going to run away ♪

♪ Make a getaway ♪

(applause)

Thank you!