Shameless (2011–…): Season 8, Episode 9 - The Fugees - full transcript
Ford invites Fiona to bowling with his exes. Carl tries to prove his love to Kassidi. Ian and his followers confront homophobic pastors.
Hey.
I'm living under a highway
with a dead guy,
and I didn't miss Shameless
last week.
Get your shit together,
man.
I appreciated
all your help today,
but I didn't ask for it.
I chose booze
a long time ago.
You don't like what you see,
don't look.
For a small fee, I'll get you
and your family across.
Hey, Frank,
if you're going to Canada,
can you bring me back
some Canadian insulin?
It's 50 percent cheaper
up there.
The fuck is this?
This is a piece of shit
that you're gonna turn
into not a piece of shit.
This isn't
what it looks like.
What, like you got
some other girl pregnant?
It happened when Sierra and I
weren't together.
Sierra know?
I haven't had a chance
to tell her yet.
It looks like you've had
nine months to tell her.
- Are you a homosexual, Ian?
- Indeed, I am.
Would you like
to come up to the altar
and bring Jesus
back into your life?
I already got
Jesus in my life.
Any of you queers
sick of this bullshit
and want to get out of here?
You were awesome.
Going at it with that pastor.
It's on YouTube.
It already got,
like, 1,000 hits.
- Irish Ford?
- Yes.
- He's the father?
- Yeah.
Yeah, for both of us.
- And our kids are gonna look...
- Oh.
Just like that.
Is that... that's one
of Ford's?
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
- Five kids, huh?
- Yeah.
It's getting
a little out of hand.
Now who's complicated?
♪ Rock music ♪
*SHAMELESS*
Season 08 Episode 09
Title: "The Fugees"
♪♪♪
♪ Think of all
the luck you got ♪
♪ Know that
it's not for naught ♪
♪ You were beaming
once before ♪
♪ But it's not like that
anymore ♪
♪ What is this downside ♪
♪ That you speak of? ♪
♪ What is this feeling ♪
♪ You're so sure of? ♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪ Round up
the friends you got ♪
♪ Know that
they're not for naught ♪
♪ You were willing
once before ♪
♪ But it's not like that
anymore ♪
♪ What is this downside ♪
♪ That you speak of? ♪
♪ What is this feeling ♪
♪ You're so sure of? ♪
Huh.
There's usually
a ribbon on this tree.
That way.
Do you know
where you're going?
Uh, straight
and to the left.
But I think we passed
that tree before.
Are we even in Canada yet?
Shut up.
Just a little bit further.
Here we go.
Get down!
♪ Soft suspenseful music ♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
Oh, fuck.
Operation Abort.
I repeat, Operation Abort!
♪ Rousing music ♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
- Oh, my God.
- What's going on?
Just go north.
Go north.
- Wha...
- Just keep going north.
- I can't...
- Everything will be fine.
- Go north.
- But who is that?
- I can't see anybody out there.
- Go fucking...
- I don't know who it is.
- Is it bandits or thugs?
There's not enough room, okay?
Go find another tree.
Jesus Christ,
you're like a bad dream.
I don't know who it is.
Do you see anybody?
- No, I don't see anybody there.
- Hello. Wrong side
of the border, boys, eh?
Oh, fuck.
Think we found
your hiking trail.
Oh, shit.
What time is it?
It's still early.
Mm.
I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to sleep over.
No worries.
- I'm sort of hard to resist.
- Mm.
Yeah, well,
standing up for
gender nonconformists
kind of makes you
irresistible.
Oh, well, I can quote
some misinterpreted
Bible verses right now
if it'll get you off.
I should go.
This is...
it's kind of nice,
like, us being a thing again,
right?
Jury's still out.
Fucker.
You're getting tougher,
Gallagher.
You didn't cry once.
Yeah, I think my, uh,
pain threshold is improving.
You, uh, wanna grab breakfast?
Gotta get to the crib.
My niece is getting dropped off.
Oh, you got a niece?
My sister's kid.
Xan.
Oh, you got a sister?
Half sister.
My shithead dad's kid
with some skank he barely knew.
She's been in and out
of rehab, like, 100 times.
Oh.
I look after her kid
sometimes.
Hey, it was cool
having you stay over.
You get soft on me and I'll
bury my knee into your throat.
Okay.
♪ Rock music ♪
Fiona, your dog's
been barking all fuckin' night.
Wasn't Rusty.
He was with me at the apartment.
This is where we first
made ramen noodles together.
What's with the... documentary?
Oh, I'm making
a video scrapbook for my boo
before he goes AWOL on me.
Kassidi's having
some separation anxiety
with me leaving to go back to
the academy in a couple weeks.
She wants to make sure
I remember
the goods I got
back at home.
This is where
you first went down on me.
She's crazy about me.
♪♪♪
Oh, place is turning
into the fuckin' Super 8.
Yeah, that's why I've been
sleeping at my building.
What, you haven't rented
that apartment yet?
No, I will.
Just...
too many folks crashing here
right now.
Hey, we get another dog?
That's Toto.
He's tied up outside.
The fuck's a Toto?
Belongs to the hipster couple
up the street.
Got a job dog sitting.
- Like 101 Dalmatians up in here.
- Mh-hmm.
Yeah, Toto sounds pissed, Debs.
Yeah, he gets barky sometimes.
I can't figure out why.
But they pay 40 bucks a day,
and I need money
for welding school tuition.
♪♪♪
- Mornin'.
- Morning.
You and, uh, Trev
boning again?
Definitely turning a corner.
♪♪♪
Everybody's boning somebody
but me?
We don't call it boning.
It's uniting our souls.
Duran and I call it
"besties with benefits."
Does a hickey count?
I hope you're all
double-bagging.
This place is already
too crowded.
Burn this into your mind.
Ready to take on
Svetlana today?
Dominance is in my DNA.
It was hibernating inside me
like a baby bear.
But now I'm woke.
- Mm.
- Grown and grizzly.
You wanna practice
the rules again?
I'm a man, V.
Men don't practice.
We perform.
Svetlana is a professional
ballbuster.
You gotta come strong.
Oh, I'm gonna lay down the law
at The Alibi.
No more Mr. Nice Guy.
There are new rules,
there's a new attitude, and...
I want to be called "sir."
"Sir Kev."
No, nah, just...
just "sir."
Maybe "Sir Ball"?
I want her
wearing a uniform.
One of those ugly grandma blouse
that you tie up to the neck.
I'm tired of her flashing
her ta-tas all around.
From now on, your ta-tas
will be the only ta-tas
getting flashed.
This bacon?
It's not crispy enough.
Do it again.
Dominance.
Boom.
You guys actually
do wear those hats.
I thought that was
only in cartoons.
So you 'fugees come here,
pick up some Invokana, Advair,
EpiPens, smuggle it back.
Hey, we're servants
of a just cause, huh?
Health care in the States
rapes the elderly and the poor.
Our way's the only way
some grandpa's not gonna
keel over from leukemia
before his 90th birthday.
Or a kid in some tenement
doesn't stop breathing
after a peanut butter sandwich.
Lot of cash.
How much
were you planning to buy?
Well...
what do you say
you just drop us right up here,
you hold on to the stash
for some Tim Hortons?
No harm, no foul.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, hey.
I'm gonna pretend you didn't
just attempt to bribe
a member of Her Majesty's
Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
How 'bout you pretend
you didn't just arrest us?
This poor homeless man
needs asylum from
the war-torn streets of Aleppo.
The United States
turned its back on him.
I'm a computational
biologist at Loyola
who overstayed my visa.
I'm soliciting
empathy, Muhammad.
Nobody likes a braggart.
It's Rami.
Sounds nothing like Muhammad.
- Ow!
- Ah!
Jesus!- Ah!
What was that?
The fuck?
♪ Upbeat rock music ♪
♪♪♪
That, Mr. Computer Biology,
was a gift from Allah.
Let's go.
- Come on, come on, come on.
- Wait.
- Are they dead?
- Uh...
Let's go.
Ouch!
What are you doing?
The border is south.
I'm not going back.
I'm headed north.
I'm not staying here.
God damn it!
I am not going back!
♪♪♪
Oh, you son of a bitch.
- No, you don't. No, you don't.
- Come on. Come on.
- No. No.
- Let's go. We gotta go this...
- Let's go this way!
- No! No!
It's right around here.
Some issue with the roof.
One of my tenants
complained about leaking?
Looks like exposed flashing.
Take a look.
Definitely gonna have
to re-tar
around the entire perimeter.
Thinking it should be, like,
a one-day job, you know?
Cost you about 675.
$675?
Materials and labor included.
You don't want to wait on this.
You'll end up
with rain damage, mold.
End up costing you
a lot more in the long run.
Five hundred, and I'll
refer you to Margo Mierzejewski.
She's rehabbing a lot
of properties around here.
Definitely gonna
need some roofing.
I'll do it for 550,
half up front.
- Cash okay?
- You got a deal.
What if you applied
for a single room?
That way, I can sneak in
at night and visit you.
We live in barracks.
Twenty dudes to a room.
Well, I can park
a trailer nearby.
Then you can sneak out
and visit me.
We can FaceTime
after evening chow
and on the weekends.
What about conjugal visits?
I mean, I can't go a month
without seeing you
and your little soldier.
Me and my big soldier.
We can do stuff over the phone.
It'll be freaky.
I'm not gonna
see you for months.
I mean, I'm proud of you
for serving your country and all,
but what am I supposed to do?
I can't go back
and live at my parents'
while I leave you
to the military slut groupies.
There's no girls.
There's always girls.
I am not losing you
to some bitch
with a fucking uniform fetish.
You really wanna
leave this behind?
And we're gonna get
some beds here,
soon as we get
our occupancy permits.
He gonna have to pay anything?
Shelter's free.
My folks kicked him out
for good this time.
Still beats having 'em
pray over me day and night.
Thanks for getting him
out of there
before they sent him
to that homo rehab.
This place seems cool.
It's for those of us who were
told we don't belong anywhere.
I mean, there's a lot
of people who believe that
Jesus wasn't just
some homophobic prick, right?
- Can I help you?
- Excuse me.
Are you the guy
from YouTube?
Who are you?
I'm Deacon Jason Cook,
from Ebenezer Baptist Church.
This here is Father Monroe
from Saint Elizabeth's.
And, um, we want to discuss
your message.
My message is,
Jesus is nonbinary,
so deal with it, Deacon.
Amen to that.
We support
an inclusive vision, son.
We're not here
to contradict you.
Mm-mm.
We want to thank you.
Your words have been inspiring.
I think...
I think you're
what the people need.
New rule.
No more of your ta-tas
hanging out.
This is a decent
establishment.
There will be
a dress code.
This is shirt
to bury Catholic nun in, huh?
Not to sell drinks.
It's your new uniform.
This will teach you a lesson
that you don't fuck over
the people you love.
Speaking Russian...
"Tupyye."
"Tupyye."
You say that a lot.
It means "stupid," right?
Well, here's a new new rule.
You don't call us stupid
anymore.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
Dominance.
Boom.
♪♪♪
Gotta tell you, kid,
I looked over Mr. Youens' case,
and... there's not much to go on.
He was in court drunk?
Yeah, it's not
his finest moment.
Um...
how much time do you think
he's gonna get?
Probably the max.
Right, but...
I mean, he's old.
Can't you plead hardship
or something?
We got 30 days to appeal
after sentencing.
I'll do my best,
but I'm not Houdini, kid.
We knock a couple years off,
that's a hell of a win.
All right, w-what else
can I do?
Commissary money.
They always need that.
Yo, man,
can I grab you for a second?
I'm-I'm kind of busy
right now.
I just wanted to, uh...
All right... shh.
Excuse me.
Look, I just wanted to say
I appreciate you
not ratting me out, you know?
Yeah, you tell her yet?
I'm gonna. It just
hasn't been the right time.
All right, just keep me
out of it, okay?
What's up?
Hey, babe.
Um...
can I have your car keys?
I gotta run some errands.
Sure.
You guys cool?
- Yeah, we're cool.
- Yeah.
Toto. Toto.
Hi, um, I'm here to discuss
payment options for my class,
Advanced Arc Welding,
second level.
- Name?
- Gallagher, Debra.
Your tuition is 2,500.
Check or credit card?
I don't actually have
that much.
How much do you have?
Saved about...
200 bucks cash to put down.
You can put that down,
but the deadline
for registration
is tomorrow.
And we're gonna need
the remaining 2,300
to hold your slot.
That your son?
Grandson.
This is my daughter.
Her name's Franny.
I had her a couple years ago.
Her father ran off and
left me pregnant all by myself.
I've been begging
on street corners.
I almost lost her
to Child Services.
I need this welding certificate
so I can get a good job
and make real money
and make her proud of me.
So I can stop feeling like I
messed up my life by having her,
because she makes
my life better.
Okay.
I'm gonna sign you up
retroactively
for the deferred plan.
Here.
Bring this back tomorrow
with 300 bucks.
Add it to the 200
that you already put down.
That's 20 percent
of the tuition.
I can't bend past that.
Thank you. I'll have it.
I really appreciate it.
- Have a good day.
- You too.
Toto! Toto!
Toto, stop.
Sorry about that, ma'am.
She gets weird sometimes.
Come. Bad dog.
♪ Electronic rock music ♪
Ah!
Jesus, man.
Shut the fuck up,
would you?
♪♪♪
Look, look, look, look, look.
A cabin.
We gotta find something
to cut these cuffs.
We're gonna have to break in.
I'm not breaking
into anything.
Oh, you want
to get righteous now?
Now you want
to start obeying the laws?
You are old.
You are white.
I am not old.
I am brown.
Who do you think
they're gonna throw the book at?
Well, I didn't hear you
complaining about
the white man when you
were depending on me
for your personal
freedom and safety.
I gave you $200
to lead a hike.
You're not a freedom fighter.
You're a... you're a...
You're an overpaid Boy Scout.
I should have charged you
double for ingratitude.
- I'm gonna have to kick it in.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
It's Canada.
Nobody locks their doors.
♪♪♪
Ah, there's no saw.
Are you, uh...
Are you left-handed or right?
- What?
- Whoa!
You gotta make sacrifices
for freedom, Muhammad.
What are you...
♪♪♪
Hmm.
- Come on, let's go!
- Shit.
Yo, ditch the weed!
Jesus, Toto.
♪ Upbeat rock music ♪
Is that what
you've been barking at?
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
What the hell?
♪♪♪
- Mm-hmm
- Hey.
Place is looking good.
Yeah, I spruced it up a bit.
Been sleeping here to get out
of my overcrowded house.
I kind of like it.
So thanks for helping me out.
I was just gonna throw a nail
in it and hammer it down.
Jesus, you're killing me.
Never put a nail in the tongue
and groove; you'll split it.
Okay.
Touch it.
- What?
- The wood.
- What?
- The floor.
It's historic.
Well, this time,
I gotta pay you for your work.
It wasn't work.
It was charity.
You saying I'm a charity case?
No.
Your floors are.
What are you doing later?
Tonight?
This afternoon.
Some friends are going bowling.
Trendy spot.
Good happy hour menu.
Should be fun.
Are you asking me on a date?
Just telling you where I'll be.
'Cause I don't want
to get too complicated.
You can't help what you are.
I'll text you the info.
Come if you can.
It'll be an enlarged photo.
I'm grown, loser.
Yes, I know what
it's a picture of.
It's my vagina.
I'm gonna go get us some Cokes.
Yeah, I want it hanging up
- in his dorm room, larger than life.
- Can I get two Cokes
- and some woman advice?
- Ah-ah, lay it on me.
Kassidi's freaking out
'cause I have to go back
to military school.
She's worried it's gonna
end our relationship.
Well, she's probably right.
Teenage relationships
don't have a high success rate.
Teenage relationships are
only good for herpes and mono.
Sounds like she's looking
for you to make a move.
What kind of move?
A romantic gesture to show
how much you love her.
I once shaved my pubes
into a "V" for V.
But it looked like
it stood for "vagina."
My advice: think it through.
Anything simpler?
Nipple piercing.
Small but meaningful.
Could get her name
tattooed over your heart.
Or put a collar around your
balls and give her the leash.
If she's pressuring you,
you need to tell her to fall back.
Military school
got your shit together.
Can't let anybody
screw that up for you.
Well, she helped me earn
the money for military school.
She's not trying to screw me up.
She loves me.
Mm, 'sup, gang?
What are we all talking about?
We're talking about
how important it is
for Carl to stay in school.
Thanks a lot, V.
Kass, wait up.
You're mutilating
my fucking heart!
That kid is doomed.
I am looking
for Svetlana Yevgenivna,
pozhaluista.
Svetlana!
Customer!
Freelania Alexeyevich?
Speaking Russian...
I am blast from whoring past,
no?
Speaking Russian...
Hey!
No speaking Russian!
Five minutes and you're back
unloading the liquor stock.
What do you want?
You helped to smuggle me
into this country.
Freelania Alexeyevich
always repays her debts.
You said you would drop dead
before I could find anyone
to turn me from whore to wife.
I would like to see you
die now, please.
Not true.
You were always
ugly bottom-feeder,
only good for hand jobs.
Very true.
It's too bad you are still...
bitter prostitute slave
working for poor people.
If you weren't
such a cunt, madam,
you might be able
to marry well too.
$4,500 for 40 pounds
of lube and vagina cleanse.
Debt repaid.
Now you are
a "ugly bottom-feeder."
Break time's over.
Youens.
Account number 79877821.
Okay, uh, 30 bucks, please?
Great, and-and do I get
a confirmation number
on that or...
Okay.
Okay.
Thank you.
Sal,
she's lactose intolerant.
I wrote "no cheese."
You okay?
Yeah.
How's Youens doing?
Shitty.
He's got a sentence hearing
coming up.
And I'm still pissed,
but who else has he got, you know?
Shouldn't give a fuck, but...
He's lucky to have you.
Yeah.
How's Charlie?
He's trying really hard
to be a good dad.
You know, showing up
when he says he's going to,
not lying all the time anymore.
It's really good for Lucas.
- Sierra. Listo.
- Yeah.
Sorry to hear about Youens.
If you need anything,
let me know.
Thanks.
- Hey, uh, question.
- Mm-hmm?
You know when Frank
ruined your wedding
and told you about
Sean and the heroin?
Jesus, don't remind me.
Would it have been worse
if Frank knew
and never told you?
What's going on?
Um, Sierra's dude
got some other girl pregnant.
Oh, shit.
She know?
No, no.
I'm trying not to feel
like a douchebag
for not having told her.
No, no.
Let her find out from him.
- Okay.
- Question.
If I'm making a profit
here at Patsy's
and... I have enough tenants
in my apartment building,
you think I can spare
one apartment for myself?
You moving out?
I was thinking about it.
Can't decide if I can afford it.
Well, at least you know
you won't get evicted.
- Hi, Debs.
- Hey.
Hey, Sierra,
can I get a Coke?
Thanks.
Toto.
Toto.
Debs, your dog
is harassing my customers.
Think he's doing his job,
Fiona.
Think he may be a drug dog.
Look, keep Toto on a short leash
or tie him up outside.
Okay.
Come.
Hey, babe. I got your text.
What's the sitch?
Oh, he's so cute.
Your salon
still full of stoners?
Yeah, my most loyal customers.
- Hmm.
- Why?
Think I may have
a cheap supplier
who specializes in weed.
You got product on you?
How much do we need to sell
to make 300 bucks by tomorrow?
About 15 dub sacks.
I can unload it.
Who's your supplier?
He goes by the street name
"Toto."
♪ Rousing Western music ♪
Help me with the saddle.
I'm not stealing a horse.
The Mounties are
gonna be on our tails.
You wanna get caught?
I don't know the first thing
about riding a horse.
It's no different
than riding a camel.
I've never rid a camel,
asshole!
What are you doing with Piper?
♪♪♪
Aren't you cute?
What's your name?
Jeni.
That's my horse.
I-I... we-we know
how this must look, Jeni.
Uh, but we're sort of
in a desperate way.
Would you mind if we borrowed
Piper and then send her back?
Dad!
- No, no, no, no, honey.
- Jesus Christ.
- Don't do that.
- Dad!
- No, we're not gonna hurt you.
- Dad! Help!
You just punched
a little girl!
Okay, that w...
That was an accident.
I was going more
for a soft tap.
Uh...
You're so tiny.
Oh, my God.
Let's get the fuck out of here,
bareback.
♪♪♪
- You're too close.
- Okay!
- Ju...
- Where-where should I hold on?
I... ju... no, you can
put your arms around my waist.
That's weird.
That's really weird.
My God,
you're so fucking uptight.
I'm slipping.
I'm slipping.
- Well, you better hold on.
- Okay. All right.
- Slow down. Slow down.
- No, we gotta go faster.
God, you're breathing
right in my face.
- I'm sorry. Jesus Christ!
- Hold on. Piper. Piper.
My knee!
Jesus Christ! Ah!
And then Pastor's like,
"Nina's ready to give her life
to Christ and rebuke Satan."
And I'm just like...
"Shit.
Does this mean I can't
still fuck girls?"
They tell you that Jesus
had all these messed-up ideas,
but the truth is that you...
fucking girls is exactly
what Jesus wants you to do,
because that's love and...
Jesus is love.
You know, most of the assholes
are closeted gays anyway.
They wish they were
as free as you.
Amen.
So why should we stop anybody
from being exactly
who God created us to be?
We are living examples
of God's creation, Jesus' love.
Boys kissing boys
is Jesus' love.
Girls kissing girls...
Jesus' love.
So you tell your church
"amen" to that.
- Amen.
- All right.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Cool spot.
- Yeah.
Let me, uh,
introduce you to the crew.
- This is Mei Ling, Natasha.
- Hi.
Indio, Marlina, Sophie,
Trisha, and Jose.
- Hi.
- Everybody, this is Fiona.
Hi. Not gonna
remember any of that.
Nice to meet ya.
So how do you know Ford?
Uh, he helped me with some stuff
at my apartment building.
How about you guys?
We met in Nepal,
when he was doing photography
for Associated Press.
Nepal?
Ford is incredible
with his hands.
Renovated our home
when he and I lived together.
Long time ago.
Okay, Fiona, you're on
Mei and Indio's team.
Natasha, get up here.
You're with me and Jose.
- Let's go.
- Okay.
This isn't, like, a...
like, a league or anything,
is it?
No, it's just for fun.
I mean, I only bowl a 225.
What's your average?
I-I have no idea?
- Yes!
- Beautiful!
- Beautiful!
- All right.
I know
it's still early in the season,
but Indiana...
Svetlana's been on that laptop
all day.
I don't trust it.
Think she's
plotting revenge?
This is the same chick
who offed her husband/father
and no one's ever
found the body.
Permission to take
cigarette break, Sir... Ball?
Permission granted.
She gonna kill us.
Dinner's ready.
- Lucas out of the bath?
- Yeah.
Aahh! This looks good.
Soy sauce or no soy sauce?
Soy sauce.
- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.
You okay?
Yeah.
I'm cool.
Thanks.
Um...
I gotta run.
We're about to eat.
Um, I gotta go.
I'll call you later.
All right?
Charlie.
What the f...
Yes, Team Fiona!
- Speaking German...
- Mm, mm-hmm.
Speaking German...
Speaking German...
So do you, uh,
all speak multiple languages?
I only speak
English and Mandarin.
Oh.
Are you from China?
No.
How long have you and Ford
been friends?
He's my ex.
We were together for two years.
You're his ex too?
And Sophie; he did
a year and a half with her.
Three with Natasha.
Hey, Nessa, what's up?
There was an accident
at the building.
One of the dudes
working on the roof fell.
Fuck.
What?
He's okay, but you
should get here ASAP.
Okay, yeah, I'm on my way.
I gotta go.
There was, uh,
an accident at my building.
One of the roofer guys
fell off the roof.
Shit.
I'll go with you.
Speaking German
- Later, man.
- All right. See you.
Hey.
Gonna go take Xan
for some pizza.
You still working?
Yeah, I'll lock up.
What's up?
What you mean?
I mean you only stay late
when something's fucking you up.
I'm cool.
All right, go have fun.
What, Youens still?
Yeah.
Yeah, I just, uh...
I can't stop picturing him
in an orange jumpsuit
for the rest of his life,
you know?
You can't fix everything.
Hey, um...
think you could help me
release a little stress?
Gotta be quick.
I'm hungry.
Hey, Xan?
Can you play that game
in the office?
Beat it, Xan.
Oh, sh-shit, I'm sorry. I, um...
I ju...
Shit.
Hey. Hey.
Hey.
- Hey.
- I'm sorry.
I-I just didn't
have anywhere else to go.
Wh-what's wrong?
What?
Charlie got some girl pregnant.
She just had the fucking baby.
He's at the hospital
with her, and he just...
Lying motherfucker.
You okay?
I don't know, I just...
I can't fucking see straight.
I... he just left
in the middle of dinner.
Like, what the fuck?
Hey, look,
it's all right, okay?
You got every right
to be pissed.
Now just... breathe, okay?
Breathe, all right?
Just breathe, you're all right.
Yo, lock the door
when you leave.
We're out.
Hey, Eddie, look,
I'm sorry, all right?
- I didn't mean to...
- I'm sorry.
I fucked up your thing.
- I should go.
- Hey, hey. Hey.
♪♪♪
You wanna talk about it?
Wanna get a coffee or something?
No, I should go.
Okay.
- I got you. No. It's all right.
- Sorry.
Hey.
Hi.
Any word?
Uh, I talked to the nurses.
Rodney's still in the ER.
They're gonna tell
the family that I'm here.
Good.
And how are you?
I'm okay.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Rodney's wife, Trina.
Hi, I'm Fiona.
This is Ford.
Hey.
Rodney was working
on my roof when he fell.
Is he okay?
They think he broke his ankle.
Just took him back.
Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that.
Has Linc been by already?
- Linc?
- The contractor.
No, you're the first person
to check in from his job.
Well, if there's anything
that I can do to help,
please, just let me know.
Anything.
- Thank you.
- Sure.
That means a lot.
I'll let Rodney know
you came by.
Okay.
Will you pick up the pace?
We'll make the border
in a couple of hours.
We'll make a new plan
once we're safe.
I need to rest.
I think I busted my knee.
It's not swollen enough
to be busted.
It's probably just bruised.
And men on the battlefield
don't let
something like a little
busted knee stop them.
You want freedom?
It doesn't come with R&R.
Freedom means arms severed
and legs blown off.
Every soldier
has the scars of battle.
We're not soldiers!
We're fugitives.
My wife and I just had a son.
I was planning on
getting settled in Montreal
and then sending for them.
And what if I die
out here tonight
and never see them again?
Well, if you died,
you'd have the respect
of your son.
He'd be able to say
that his dad did everything
to give him a better life.
You may be an asshole
and a know-it-all
and a pain in the ass,
but you're a hero
to your family.
Thank you,
Scout Master.
It's Frank.
All right, you get some rest.
I'll take the first watch.
All right.
We got a deacon, a priest,
and a bunch of nuns
to join the cause.
Thinking of starting
a collection plate,
raise some funds for the kids.
That'd be incredible.
- Yeah.
- I can't believe
all the people
whose lives you're touching.
You're like the person
I w-wish I had around
when I was growing up.
How is that?
Someone to...
stand up for me,
take on the world.
Be my motherfuckin' defender.
I can be your
motherfuckin' defender.
♪ Rousing rock music ♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
You made it to Canada, friend.
May they treat you well.
God speed.
Salaam alaikum.
♪ Electric guitar playing
"The Star-Spangled Banner" ♪
♪♪♪
Hey, mornin'.
Yo.
You still on that Bible shit?
Yeah, proving
to my online haters
that Jesus is a fag hag.
@HolyMoses4562 just keeps
writing "abomination"
in all caps.
Tell @HolyMoses
to eat a dick in all caps.
Hey.
What's going on?
Long night?
Up late fighting with Kassidi.
She still giving you shit
about going back to school?
She fucking worships me.
I'm not gonna let that go,
just end up like
everyone else in this family
who can't keep a relationship.
- Whoa, what's that...
- Who says we can't...
- supposed to mean?
- Hold a relationship?
We're in love; everyone's
gonna have to accept that.
Got any more evaporated milk?
You gonna use that for Franny?
It's cheaper than formula and
I don't have day care today.
Another gaycorcism's going down.
Gotta gather the kids.
See ya.
What's up, bud?
Missed call from Sierra.
Oh, fuck.
Sierra?
Thought she ditched you.
Eh, you're right.
We do suck at relationships.
I'm home.
I'm home!
I'm home!
Overweight minimum wage workers
buying discount
laundry detergent!
I have missed you so much!
God bless America!
God bless America!
Wha-ha!
♪♪♪
Hey, Xan.
Hey.
Look, I, uh...
I wanted to apologize
for last night.
We're fuck buddies,
not a love triangle.
Everything's chill.
Cool.
Ya fucked up.
She's pissed.
♪ Funky music ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Nothing's gonna
hold me back ♪
♪ Can't hold me back ♪
♪ No, it ain't
going down like that ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Nothing's standing
in my way ♪
♪ Can't stand in my way ♪
Good boy, Toto.
♪ 'Cause when you got it,
you got it ♪
♪♪♪
Mommy's gonna get her tuition.
Yes, she is.
How long Svetlana
been on her break?
Feels like a long time, right?
Kev, this isn't good.
I told you, she is
plotting something against us.
Some Russian chick
comes in here yesterday,
and ever since,
Svetlana's been acting weird.
That's it.
I'm gonna put a stop to this.
Domination time.
All right, what's on the laptop?
It's personal business.
New rule:
no personal business at work.
- Open the laptop.
- No. It's private.
New rule: show us
what's on the laptop
or get shipped to the gulag.
Speaking Russian
Show us what's
on the damn computer,
or we're gonna call Immigration.
We had a deal.
No ICE.
New rule: no deal.
Show us the fucking laptop!
Fine!
You want to see what I'm doing?
I am looking up
fact after fact
about rich old fuck
who's about to marry
a bottom-rate whore
who I helped
smuggle into this country.
She gets to have
American dream,
live life of beauty
and privilege
while I sit here and get shit on
by two ex-lovers who still
treat me like
a prostitute slave,
who make me wear
a vampire blouse
just to strip me
of the last bit of dignity
that I still have.
♪♪♪
Yo, bro.
We gotta talk, man.
Yo, I'm working, all right...
Sierra kicked me out.
Yeah, I heard
you're a dad again.
Congrats.
I don't know what to do.
It took a long time
to get Lucas and Sierra
to trust me again.
Shit was finally
getting better for us.
All right, just keep
your voice down, all right?
Could you just...
Just talk to Sierra for me?
Tell her to take me back.
I can't get involved
in this, okay?
Please, man, please.
She respects you.
I don't know what I'll do
if I lose them again.
I'm finally clean, you know?
I don't want to be
a junkie again.
You gotta help me.
If not for me, for Lucas,
'cause I fucking love that kid.
And he...
He needs a dad.
Please, dude, just...
just... just talk to her.
That was a nice thing
you said to that woman.
Were you just
stringing me along earlier?
What?
The bowling thing?
No, I thought
it'd be fun to hang out.
Look, if-if you're not into me,
you just need to say so,
but don't invite me
to meet all your exes
and then ignore me
the whole time.
We're not in high school.
Just be up front.
You giving me ultimatums
before we're even dating?
Yeah.
I am.
Also, I'm not some
messy, complicated chick
who's stuck in a house
with a crazy family.
I've got goals and plans.
And I'm an amazing
fuckin' catch.
What says "please stop
threatening to kill yourself"?
Rhinestone bracelet.
My four-year-old bedazzled it.
Excellent choice,
but sounds like
you're looking for more
of a promise ring?
What's a promise ring?
Like, commitment
with an exit route.
Got a red sapphire.
Or this, cubic zirconia.
Looks like the real thing.
From the jewelry collection
of Iceberg Slim.
Local pimp.
Hundred bucks.
Look, I gotta meet another
client, so what's it gonna be?
I'd go with the pimp.
♪♪♪
In the name of Jesus,
the Lord's only begotten son...
I rebuke
the devil's homosexuality
from your body and your soul.
You are pure and holy
just as you are.
Your gay body is a blessing,
not a sin.
No, sir.
No, sir.
Not today.
This is not the place
for your message.
Oh, my message of love?
A church isn't a place for that?
You are not welcome here, son.
- Ushers!
- I'm not welcome?
I thought everyone was welcome
in the house of God.
Easy, come on, fellas.
Take it easy.
Not when you're
disrupting God's word!
All right, well, you can't stop
the movement for justice.
This isn't over!
All right. Hey, kid, don't
listen to these pricks, okay?
You're gonna be okay.
We're coming back!
Hi.
Sign me for second semester,
please.
Oh, it's good to see
you made it back.
Okay.
♪ Soft brooding music ♪
Two...
Don't ask.
♪♪♪
Hey.
♪ Whispered something
in your ear ♪
Hey.
Look, I-I know
you've been through a lot.
And it's not really any
of my business, but, um...
♪ A perverted thing to say ♪
Charlie's crazy about you.
You know, I mean, the dude,
he won't leave me alone
until you give him another shot.
♪♪♪
I mean, I-I get it.
You know, you-you're
not the kind of girl
somebody wants to lose.
♪♪♪
♪ Nothing's gonna
hurt you, baby ♪
♪♪♪
Butt bumping
is Jesus' love!
Dry humping
is Jesus' love!
Dry humping
is Jesus' love!
Dry humping is Jesus' love!
Dry humping
is Jesus' love!
Carpet munching is Jesus' love!
Carpet munching
is Jesus' love!
- Carpet munching...
- Is Jesus' love!
- Carpet munching is Jesus' love!
- That's enough.
That's enough!
We have the right
to demonstrate.
You are blaspheming the Lord!
Preaching hate is blasphemy.
I will not allow you
to drag down the good morals
of this church...
- Carpet munching is Jesus' love!
- For your own sick beliefs.
Carpet munching
is Jesus' love!
Carpet munching
is Jesus' love!
- I'm telling you to leave.
- Carpet munching is Jesus' love!
- Butt bumping is Jesus' love!
- Leave the premises now!
- Please, leave the...
- Dry humping is Jesus' love!
Dry humping
is Jesus' love!
Nipple licking
is Jesus' love!
Nipple licking is Jesus' love!
Nipple licking
is Jesus' love!
Nipple licking
is Jesus' love...
Hey, stand back.
Everybody, stand back.
Hey, look at me.
Stay with me.
Hey!
Come on!
Come on.
Come on, come on.
Wake up. Wake up.
Oh, my God.
He's breathing.
Wow.
Thank God.
♪ Upbeat rock music ♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
You leaving?
Yeah, uh...
Look, I'm sorry.
I wanna...
stay and be here with you.
♪♪♪
I should go.
Friends, patriots, allies,
I have traveled through
the depths of hell.
Fell from a horse,
limped through the woods,
just to have my
final source of income
stripped away from me
by the Canucks.
I am returning
to an automated America
where the white man is replaced
by robots and Chinese.
I am penniless and empty-handed,
and the only solace I have
is sharing a lot of beers
with my blue-collar
brothers and sisters.
Who's buying?
So you don't have our meds?
That's one part of what I said.
Perhaps you missed the part
about my hardship!
I gave you 100 bucks,
Frank!
- Frank... get him!
- You little shit!
- Frank!
- God, he's fast.
Is that your cello?
Refurbishing it for a friend.
So, uh...
I'm sorry about
the ultimatum thing earlier.
I'm actually much more
calm once you get to know me
and... don't blow me off.
You're pretty damn intriguing.
I'll say that.
How intriguing?
♪ Sultry rock music ♪
♪♪♪
♪ All this way to connect ♪
I'm gonna finish my work now.
♪♪♪
♪ All the way
to the corner every day ♪
♪ You were there for me ♪
Okay.
♪♪
Okay, I'm gonna...
let you finish.
♪♪♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
Okay.
Bye.
♪♪♪
♪ I was home when you came ♪
♪ It threw me out of touch ♪
♪ It took away from the cold
in your arms ♪
♪ Now I wait for my turn
to let it blow ♪
♪ Against me ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Will you wait for the one
that disappears? ♪
♪♪♪
Over here.
What the fuck, Carl?
Well, I wanted to rekindle
the first time we fell in love.
So I brought
something for the occasion.
Oh, my God!
Yes, I'll marry you!
Fucking hell yes!
Oh, my God...
Marry me?
Yes! Yes!
♪ Bombastic hip-hop music ♪
Yes, yes!
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
Sync corrections by srjanapala
♪ Can't get enough,
can't get enough ♪
♪ Can't get enough,
can't get enough ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ Won't give it up
no matter what ♪
♪ No way ♪
I'm living under a highway
with a dead guy,
and I didn't miss Shameless
last week.
Get your shit together,
man.
I appreciated
all your help today,
but I didn't ask for it.
I chose booze
a long time ago.
You don't like what you see,
don't look.
For a small fee, I'll get you
and your family across.
Hey, Frank,
if you're going to Canada,
can you bring me back
some Canadian insulin?
It's 50 percent cheaper
up there.
The fuck is this?
This is a piece of shit
that you're gonna turn
into not a piece of shit.
This isn't
what it looks like.
What, like you got
some other girl pregnant?
It happened when Sierra and I
weren't together.
Sierra know?
I haven't had a chance
to tell her yet.
It looks like you've had
nine months to tell her.
- Are you a homosexual, Ian?
- Indeed, I am.
Would you like
to come up to the altar
and bring Jesus
back into your life?
I already got
Jesus in my life.
Any of you queers
sick of this bullshit
and want to get out of here?
You were awesome.
Going at it with that pastor.
It's on YouTube.
It already got,
like, 1,000 hits.
- Irish Ford?
- Yes.
- He's the father?
- Yeah.
Yeah, for both of us.
- And our kids are gonna look...
- Oh.
Just like that.
Is that... that's one
of Ford's?
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
- Five kids, huh?
- Yeah.
It's getting
a little out of hand.
Now who's complicated?
♪ Rock music ♪
*SHAMELESS*
Season 08 Episode 09
Title: "The Fugees"
♪♪♪
♪ Think of all
the luck you got ♪
♪ Know that
it's not for naught ♪
♪ You were beaming
once before ♪
♪ But it's not like that
anymore ♪
♪ What is this downside ♪
♪ That you speak of? ♪
♪ What is this feeling ♪
♪ You're so sure of? ♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪ Round up
the friends you got ♪
♪ Know that
they're not for naught ♪
♪ You were willing
once before ♪
♪ But it's not like that
anymore ♪
♪ What is this downside ♪
♪ That you speak of? ♪
♪ What is this feeling ♪
♪ You're so sure of? ♪
Huh.
There's usually
a ribbon on this tree.
That way.
Do you know
where you're going?
Uh, straight
and to the left.
But I think we passed
that tree before.
Are we even in Canada yet?
Shut up.
Just a little bit further.
Here we go.
Get down!
♪ Soft suspenseful music ♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
Oh, fuck.
Operation Abort.
I repeat, Operation Abort!
♪ Rousing music ♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
- Oh, my God.
- What's going on?
Just go north.
Go north.
- Wha...
- Just keep going north.
- I can't...
- Everything will be fine.
- Go north.
- But who is that?
- I can't see anybody out there.
- Go fucking...
- I don't know who it is.
- Is it bandits or thugs?
There's not enough room, okay?
Go find another tree.
Jesus Christ,
you're like a bad dream.
I don't know who it is.
Do you see anybody?
- No, I don't see anybody there.
- Hello. Wrong side
of the border, boys, eh?
Oh, fuck.
Think we found
your hiking trail.
Oh, shit.
What time is it?
It's still early.
Mm.
I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to sleep over.
No worries.
- I'm sort of hard to resist.
- Mm.
Yeah, well,
standing up for
gender nonconformists
kind of makes you
irresistible.
Oh, well, I can quote
some misinterpreted
Bible verses right now
if it'll get you off.
I should go.
This is...
it's kind of nice,
like, us being a thing again,
right?
Jury's still out.
Fucker.
You're getting tougher,
Gallagher.
You didn't cry once.
Yeah, I think my, uh,
pain threshold is improving.
You, uh, wanna grab breakfast?
Gotta get to the crib.
My niece is getting dropped off.
Oh, you got a niece?
My sister's kid.
Xan.
Oh, you got a sister?
Half sister.
My shithead dad's kid
with some skank he barely knew.
She's been in and out
of rehab, like, 100 times.
Oh.
I look after her kid
sometimes.
Hey, it was cool
having you stay over.
You get soft on me and I'll
bury my knee into your throat.
Okay.
♪ Rock music ♪
Fiona, your dog's
been barking all fuckin' night.
Wasn't Rusty.
He was with me at the apartment.
This is where we first
made ramen noodles together.
What's with the... documentary?
Oh, I'm making
a video scrapbook for my boo
before he goes AWOL on me.
Kassidi's having
some separation anxiety
with me leaving to go back to
the academy in a couple weeks.
She wants to make sure
I remember
the goods I got
back at home.
This is where
you first went down on me.
She's crazy about me.
♪♪♪
Oh, place is turning
into the fuckin' Super 8.
Yeah, that's why I've been
sleeping at my building.
What, you haven't rented
that apartment yet?
No, I will.
Just...
too many folks crashing here
right now.
Hey, we get another dog?
That's Toto.
He's tied up outside.
The fuck's a Toto?
Belongs to the hipster couple
up the street.
Got a job dog sitting.
- Like 101 Dalmatians up in here.
- Mh-hmm.
Yeah, Toto sounds pissed, Debs.
Yeah, he gets barky sometimes.
I can't figure out why.
But they pay 40 bucks a day,
and I need money
for welding school tuition.
♪♪♪
- Mornin'.
- Morning.
You and, uh, Trev
boning again?
Definitely turning a corner.
♪♪♪
Everybody's boning somebody
but me?
We don't call it boning.
It's uniting our souls.
Duran and I call it
"besties with benefits."
Does a hickey count?
I hope you're all
double-bagging.
This place is already
too crowded.
Burn this into your mind.
Ready to take on
Svetlana today?
Dominance is in my DNA.
It was hibernating inside me
like a baby bear.
But now I'm woke.
- Mm.
- Grown and grizzly.
You wanna practice
the rules again?
I'm a man, V.
Men don't practice.
We perform.
Svetlana is a professional
ballbuster.
You gotta come strong.
Oh, I'm gonna lay down the law
at The Alibi.
No more Mr. Nice Guy.
There are new rules,
there's a new attitude, and...
I want to be called "sir."
"Sir Kev."
No, nah, just...
just "sir."
Maybe "Sir Ball"?
I want her
wearing a uniform.
One of those ugly grandma blouse
that you tie up to the neck.
I'm tired of her flashing
her ta-tas all around.
From now on, your ta-tas
will be the only ta-tas
getting flashed.
This bacon?
It's not crispy enough.
Do it again.
Dominance.
Boom.
You guys actually
do wear those hats.
I thought that was
only in cartoons.
So you 'fugees come here,
pick up some Invokana, Advair,
EpiPens, smuggle it back.
Hey, we're servants
of a just cause, huh?
Health care in the States
rapes the elderly and the poor.
Our way's the only way
some grandpa's not gonna
keel over from leukemia
before his 90th birthday.
Or a kid in some tenement
doesn't stop breathing
after a peanut butter sandwich.
Lot of cash.
How much
were you planning to buy?
Well...
what do you say
you just drop us right up here,
you hold on to the stash
for some Tim Hortons?
No harm, no foul.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, hey.
I'm gonna pretend you didn't
just attempt to bribe
a member of Her Majesty's
Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
How 'bout you pretend
you didn't just arrest us?
This poor homeless man
needs asylum from
the war-torn streets of Aleppo.
The United States
turned its back on him.
I'm a computational
biologist at Loyola
who overstayed my visa.
I'm soliciting
empathy, Muhammad.
Nobody likes a braggart.
It's Rami.
Sounds nothing like Muhammad.
- Ow!
- Ah!
Jesus!- Ah!
What was that?
The fuck?
♪ Upbeat rock music ♪
♪♪♪
That, Mr. Computer Biology,
was a gift from Allah.
Let's go.
- Come on, come on, come on.
- Wait.
- Are they dead?
- Uh...
Let's go.
Ouch!
What are you doing?
The border is south.
I'm not going back.
I'm headed north.
I'm not staying here.
God damn it!
I am not going back!
♪♪♪
Oh, you son of a bitch.
- No, you don't. No, you don't.
- Come on. Come on.
- No. No.
- Let's go. We gotta go this...
- Let's go this way!
- No! No!
It's right around here.
Some issue with the roof.
One of my tenants
complained about leaking?
Looks like exposed flashing.
Take a look.
Definitely gonna have
to re-tar
around the entire perimeter.
Thinking it should be, like,
a one-day job, you know?
Cost you about 675.
$675?
Materials and labor included.
You don't want to wait on this.
You'll end up
with rain damage, mold.
End up costing you
a lot more in the long run.
Five hundred, and I'll
refer you to Margo Mierzejewski.
She's rehabbing a lot
of properties around here.
Definitely gonna
need some roofing.
I'll do it for 550,
half up front.
- Cash okay?
- You got a deal.
What if you applied
for a single room?
That way, I can sneak in
at night and visit you.
We live in barracks.
Twenty dudes to a room.
Well, I can park
a trailer nearby.
Then you can sneak out
and visit me.
We can FaceTime
after evening chow
and on the weekends.
What about conjugal visits?
I mean, I can't go a month
without seeing you
and your little soldier.
Me and my big soldier.
We can do stuff over the phone.
It'll be freaky.
I'm not gonna
see you for months.
I mean, I'm proud of you
for serving your country and all,
but what am I supposed to do?
I can't go back
and live at my parents'
while I leave you
to the military slut groupies.
There's no girls.
There's always girls.
I am not losing you
to some bitch
with a fucking uniform fetish.
You really wanna
leave this behind?
And we're gonna get
some beds here,
soon as we get
our occupancy permits.
He gonna have to pay anything?
Shelter's free.
My folks kicked him out
for good this time.
Still beats having 'em
pray over me day and night.
Thanks for getting him
out of there
before they sent him
to that homo rehab.
This place seems cool.
It's for those of us who were
told we don't belong anywhere.
I mean, there's a lot
of people who believe that
Jesus wasn't just
some homophobic prick, right?
- Can I help you?
- Excuse me.
Are you the guy
from YouTube?
Who are you?
I'm Deacon Jason Cook,
from Ebenezer Baptist Church.
This here is Father Monroe
from Saint Elizabeth's.
And, um, we want to discuss
your message.
My message is,
Jesus is nonbinary,
so deal with it, Deacon.
Amen to that.
We support
an inclusive vision, son.
We're not here
to contradict you.
Mm-mm.
We want to thank you.
Your words have been inspiring.
I think...
I think you're
what the people need.
New rule.
No more of your ta-tas
hanging out.
This is a decent
establishment.
There will be
a dress code.
This is shirt
to bury Catholic nun in, huh?
Not to sell drinks.
It's your new uniform.
This will teach you a lesson
that you don't fuck over
the people you love.
Speaking Russian...
"Tupyye."
"Tupyye."
You say that a lot.
It means "stupid," right?
Well, here's a new new rule.
You don't call us stupid
anymore.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
Dominance.
Boom.
♪♪♪
Gotta tell you, kid,
I looked over Mr. Youens' case,
and... there's not much to go on.
He was in court drunk?
Yeah, it's not
his finest moment.
Um...
how much time do you think
he's gonna get?
Probably the max.
Right, but...
I mean, he's old.
Can't you plead hardship
or something?
We got 30 days to appeal
after sentencing.
I'll do my best,
but I'm not Houdini, kid.
We knock a couple years off,
that's a hell of a win.
All right, w-what else
can I do?
Commissary money.
They always need that.
Yo, man,
can I grab you for a second?
I'm-I'm kind of busy
right now.
I just wanted to, uh...
All right... shh.
Excuse me.
Look, I just wanted to say
I appreciate you
not ratting me out, you know?
Yeah, you tell her yet?
I'm gonna. It just
hasn't been the right time.
All right, just keep me
out of it, okay?
What's up?
Hey, babe.
Um...
can I have your car keys?
I gotta run some errands.
Sure.
You guys cool?
- Yeah, we're cool.
- Yeah.
Toto. Toto.
Hi, um, I'm here to discuss
payment options for my class,
Advanced Arc Welding,
second level.
- Name?
- Gallagher, Debra.
Your tuition is 2,500.
Check or credit card?
I don't actually have
that much.
How much do you have?
Saved about...
200 bucks cash to put down.
You can put that down,
but the deadline
for registration
is tomorrow.
And we're gonna need
the remaining 2,300
to hold your slot.
That your son?
Grandson.
This is my daughter.
Her name's Franny.
I had her a couple years ago.
Her father ran off and
left me pregnant all by myself.
I've been begging
on street corners.
I almost lost her
to Child Services.
I need this welding certificate
so I can get a good job
and make real money
and make her proud of me.
So I can stop feeling like I
messed up my life by having her,
because she makes
my life better.
Okay.
I'm gonna sign you up
retroactively
for the deferred plan.
Here.
Bring this back tomorrow
with 300 bucks.
Add it to the 200
that you already put down.
That's 20 percent
of the tuition.
I can't bend past that.
Thank you. I'll have it.
I really appreciate it.
- Have a good day.
- You too.
Toto! Toto!
Toto, stop.
Sorry about that, ma'am.
She gets weird sometimes.
Come. Bad dog.
♪ Electronic rock music ♪
Ah!
Jesus, man.
Shut the fuck up,
would you?
♪♪♪
Look, look, look, look, look.
A cabin.
We gotta find something
to cut these cuffs.
We're gonna have to break in.
I'm not breaking
into anything.
Oh, you want
to get righteous now?
Now you want
to start obeying the laws?
You are old.
You are white.
I am not old.
I am brown.
Who do you think
they're gonna throw the book at?
Well, I didn't hear you
complaining about
the white man when you
were depending on me
for your personal
freedom and safety.
I gave you $200
to lead a hike.
You're not a freedom fighter.
You're a... you're a...
You're an overpaid Boy Scout.
I should have charged you
double for ingratitude.
- I'm gonna have to kick it in.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
It's Canada.
Nobody locks their doors.
♪♪♪
Ah, there's no saw.
Are you, uh...
Are you left-handed or right?
- What?
- Whoa!
You gotta make sacrifices
for freedom, Muhammad.
What are you...
♪♪♪
Hmm.
- Come on, let's go!
- Shit.
Yo, ditch the weed!
Jesus, Toto.
♪ Upbeat rock music ♪
Is that what
you've been barking at?
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
What the hell?
♪♪♪
- Mm-hmm
- Hey.
Place is looking good.
Yeah, I spruced it up a bit.
Been sleeping here to get out
of my overcrowded house.
I kind of like it.
So thanks for helping me out.
I was just gonna throw a nail
in it and hammer it down.
Jesus, you're killing me.
Never put a nail in the tongue
and groove; you'll split it.
Okay.
Touch it.
- What?
- The wood.
- What?
- The floor.
It's historic.
Well, this time,
I gotta pay you for your work.
It wasn't work.
It was charity.
You saying I'm a charity case?
No.
Your floors are.
What are you doing later?
Tonight?
This afternoon.
Some friends are going bowling.
Trendy spot.
Good happy hour menu.
Should be fun.
Are you asking me on a date?
Just telling you where I'll be.
'Cause I don't want
to get too complicated.
You can't help what you are.
I'll text you the info.
Come if you can.
It'll be an enlarged photo.
I'm grown, loser.
Yes, I know what
it's a picture of.
It's my vagina.
I'm gonna go get us some Cokes.
Yeah, I want it hanging up
- in his dorm room, larger than life.
- Can I get two Cokes
- and some woman advice?
- Ah-ah, lay it on me.
Kassidi's freaking out
'cause I have to go back
to military school.
She's worried it's gonna
end our relationship.
Well, she's probably right.
Teenage relationships
don't have a high success rate.
Teenage relationships are
only good for herpes and mono.
Sounds like she's looking
for you to make a move.
What kind of move?
A romantic gesture to show
how much you love her.
I once shaved my pubes
into a "V" for V.
But it looked like
it stood for "vagina."
My advice: think it through.
Anything simpler?
Nipple piercing.
Small but meaningful.
Could get her name
tattooed over your heart.
Or put a collar around your
balls and give her the leash.
If she's pressuring you,
you need to tell her to fall back.
Military school
got your shit together.
Can't let anybody
screw that up for you.
Well, she helped me earn
the money for military school.
She's not trying to screw me up.
She loves me.
Mm, 'sup, gang?
What are we all talking about?
We're talking about
how important it is
for Carl to stay in school.
Thanks a lot, V.
Kass, wait up.
You're mutilating
my fucking heart!
That kid is doomed.
I am looking
for Svetlana Yevgenivna,
pozhaluista.
Svetlana!
Customer!
Freelania Alexeyevich?
Speaking Russian...
I am blast from whoring past,
no?
Speaking Russian...
Hey!
No speaking Russian!
Five minutes and you're back
unloading the liquor stock.
What do you want?
You helped to smuggle me
into this country.
Freelania Alexeyevich
always repays her debts.
You said you would drop dead
before I could find anyone
to turn me from whore to wife.
I would like to see you
die now, please.
Not true.
You were always
ugly bottom-feeder,
only good for hand jobs.
Very true.
It's too bad you are still...
bitter prostitute slave
working for poor people.
If you weren't
such a cunt, madam,
you might be able
to marry well too.
$4,500 for 40 pounds
of lube and vagina cleanse.
Debt repaid.
Now you are
a "ugly bottom-feeder."
Break time's over.
Youens.
Account number 79877821.
Okay, uh, 30 bucks, please?
Great, and-and do I get
a confirmation number
on that or...
Okay.
Okay.
Thank you.
Sal,
she's lactose intolerant.
I wrote "no cheese."
You okay?
Yeah.
How's Youens doing?
Shitty.
He's got a sentence hearing
coming up.
And I'm still pissed,
but who else has he got, you know?
Shouldn't give a fuck, but...
He's lucky to have you.
Yeah.
How's Charlie?
He's trying really hard
to be a good dad.
You know, showing up
when he says he's going to,
not lying all the time anymore.
It's really good for Lucas.
- Sierra. Listo.
- Yeah.
Sorry to hear about Youens.
If you need anything,
let me know.
Thanks.
- Hey, uh, question.
- Mm-hmm?
You know when Frank
ruined your wedding
and told you about
Sean and the heroin?
Jesus, don't remind me.
Would it have been worse
if Frank knew
and never told you?
What's going on?
Um, Sierra's dude
got some other girl pregnant.
Oh, shit.
She know?
No, no.
I'm trying not to feel
like a douchebag
for not having told her.
No, no.
Let her find out from him.
- Okay.
- Question.
If I'm making a profit
here at Patsy's
and... I have enough tenants
in my apartment building,
you think I can spare
one apartment for myself?
You moving out?
I was thinking about it.
Can't decide if I can afford it.
Well, at least you know
you won't get evicted.
- Hi, Debs.
- Hey.
Hey, Sierra,
can I get a Coke?
Thanks.
Toto.
Toto.
Debs, your dog
is harassing my customers.
Think he's doing his job,
Fiona.
Think he may be a drug dog.
Look, keep Toto on a short leash
or tie him up outside.
Okay.
Come.
Hey, babe. I got your text.
What's the sitch?
Oh, he's so cute.
Your salon
still full of stoners?
Yeah, my most loyal customers.
- Hmm.
- Why?
Think I may have
a cheap supplier
who specializes in weed.
You got product on you?
How much do we need to sell
to make 300 bucks by tomorrow?
About 15 dub sacks.
I can unload it.
Who's your supplier?
He goes by the street name
"Toto."
♪ Rousing Western music ♪
Help me with the saddle.
I'm not stealing a horse.
The Mounties are
gonna be on our tails.
You wanna get caught?
I don't know the first thing
about riding a horse.
It's no different
than riding a camel.
I've never rid a camel,
asshole!
What are you doing with Piper?
♪♪♪
Aren't you cute?
What's your name?
Jeni.
That's my horse.
I-I... we-we know
how this must look, Jeni.
Uh, but we're sort of
in a desperate way.
Would you mind if we borrowed
Piper and then send her back?
Dad!
- No, no, no, no, honey.
- Jesus Christ.
- Don't do that.
- Dad!
- No, we're not gonna hurt you.
- Dad! Help!
You just punched
a little girl!
Okay, that w...
That was an accident.
I was going more
for a soft tap.
Uh...
You're so tiny.
Oh, my God.
Let's get the fuck out of here,
bareback.
♪♪♪
- You're too close.
- Okay!
- Ju...
- Where-where should I hold on?
I... ju... no, you can
put your arms around my waist.
That's weird.
That's really weird.
My God,
you're so fucking uptight.
I'm slipping.
I'm slipping.
- Well, you better hold on.
- Okay. All right.
- Slow down. Slow down.
- No, we gotta go faster.
God, you're breathing
right in my face.
- I'm sorry. Jesus Christ!
- Hold on. Piper. Piper.
My knee!
Jesus Christ! Ah!
And then Pastor's like,
"Nina's ready to give her life
to Christ and rebuke Satan."
And I'm just like...
"Shit.
Does this mean I can't
still fuck girls?"
They tell you that Jesus
had all these messed-up ideas,
but the truth is that you...
fucking girls is exactly
what Jesus wants you to do,
because that's love and...
Jesus is love.
You know, most of the assholes
are closeted gays anyway.
They wish they were
as free as you.
Amen.
So why should we stop anybody
from being exactly
who God created us to be?
We are living examples
of God's creation, Jesus' love.
Boys kissing boys
is Jesus' love.
Girls kissing girls...
Jesus' love.
So you tell your church
"amen" to that.
- Amen.
- All right.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Cool spot.
- Yeah.
Let me, uh,
introduce you to the crew.
- This is Mei Ling, Natasha.
- Hi.
Indio, Marlina, Sophie,
Trisha, and Jose.
- Hi.
- Everybody, this is Fiona.
Hi. Not gonna
remember any of that.
Nice to meet ya.
So how do you know Ford?
Uh, he helped me with some stuff
at my apartment building.
How about you guys?
We met in Nepal,
when he was doing photography
for Associated Press.
Nepal?
Ford is incredible
with his hands.
Renovated our home
when he and I lived together.
Long time ago.
Okay, Fiona, you're on
Mei and Indio's team.
Natasha, get up here.
You're with me and Jose.
- Let's go.
- Okay.
This isn't, like, a...
like, a league or anything,
is it?
No, it's just for fun.
I mean, I only bowl a 225.
What's your average?
I-I have no idea?
- Yes!
- Beautiful!
- Beautiful!
- All right.
I know
it's still early in the season,
but Indiana...
Svetlana's been on that laptop
all day.
I don't trust it.
Think she's
plotting revenge?
This is the same chick
who offed her husband/father
and no one's ever
found the body.
Permission to take
cigarette break, Sir... Ball?
Permission granted.
She gonna kill us.
Dinner's ready.
- Lucas out of the bath?
- Yeah.
Aahh! This looks good.
Soy sauce or no soy sauce?
Soy sauce.
- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.
You okay?
Yeah.
I'm cool.
Thanks.
Um...
I gotta run.
We're about to eat.
Um, I gotta go.
I'll call you later.
All right?
Charlie.
What the f...
Yes, Team Fiona!
- Speaking German...
- Mm, mm-hmm.
Speaking German...
Speaking German...
So do you, uh,
all speak multiple languages?
I only speak
English and Mandarin.
Oh.
Are you from China?
No.
How long have you and Ford
been friends?
He's my ex.
We were together for two years.
You're his ex too?
And Sophie; he did
a year and a half with her.
Three with Natasha.
Hey, Nessa, what's up?
There was an accident
at the building.
One of the dudes
working on the roof fell.
Fuck.
What?
He's okay, but you
should get here ASAP.
Okay, yeah, I'm on my way.
I gotta go.
There was, uh,
an accident at my building.
One of the roofer guys
fell off the roof.
Shit.
I'll go with you.
Speaking German
- Later, man.
- All right. See you.
Hey.
Gonna go take Xan
for some pizza.
You still working?
Yeah, I'll lock up.
What's up?
What you mean?
I mean you only stay late
when something's fucking you up.
I'm cool.
All right, go have fun.
What, Youens still?
Yeah.
Yeah, I just, uh...
I can't stop picturing him
in an orange jumpsuit
for the rest of his life,
you know?
You can't fix everything.
Hey, um...
think you could help me
release a little stress?
Gotta be quick.
I'm hungry.
Hey, Xan?
Can you play that game
in the office?
Beat it, Xan.
Oh, sh-shit, I'm sorry. I, um...
I ju...
Shit.
Hey. Hey.
Hey.
- Hey.
- I'm sorry.
I-I just didn't
have anywhere else to go.
Wh-what's wrong?
What?
Charlie got some girl pregnant.
She just had the fucking baby.
He's at the hospital
with her, and he just...
Lying motherfucker.
You okay?
I don't know, I just...
I can't fucking see straight.
I... he just left
in the middle of dinner.
Like, what the fuck?
Hey, look,
it's all right, okay?
You got every right
to be pissed.
Now just... breathe, okay?
Breathe, all right?
Just breathe, you're all right.
Yo, lock the door
when you leave.
We're out.
Hey, Eddie, look,
I'm sorry, all right?
- I didn't mean to...
- I'm sorry.
I fucked up your thing.
- I should go.
- Hey, hey. Hey.
♪♪♪
You wanna talk about it?
Wanna get a coffee or something?
No, I should go.
Okay.
- I got you. No. It's all right.
- Sorry.
Hey.
Hi.
Any word?
Uh, I talked to the nurses.
Rodney's still in the ER.
They're gonna tell
the family that I'm here.
Good.
And how are you?
I'm okay.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Rodney's wife, Trina.
Hi, I'm Fiona.
This is Ford.
Hey.
Rodney was working
on my roof when he fell.
Is he okay?
They think he broke his ankle.
Just took him back.
Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that.
Has Linc been by already?
- Linc?
- The contractor.
No, you're the first person
to check in from his job.
Well, if there's anything
that I can do to help,
please, just let me know.
Anything.
- Thank you.
- Sure.
That means a lot.
I'll let Rodney know
you came by.
Okay.
Will you pick up the pace?
We'll make the border
in a couple of hours.
We'll make a new plan
once we're safe.
I need to rest.
I think I busted my knee.
It's not swollen enough
to be busted.
It's probably just bruised.
And men on the battlefield
don't let
something like a little
busted knee stop them.
You want freedom?
It doesn't come with R&R.
Freedom means arms severed
and legs blown off.
Every soldier
has the scars of battle.
We're not soldiers!
We're fugitives.
My wife and I just had a son.
I was planning on
getting settled in Montreal
and then sending for them.
And what if I die
out here tonight
and never see them again?
Well, if you died,
you'd have the respect
of your son.
He'd be able to say
that his dad did everything
to give him a better life.
You may be an asshole
and a know-it-all
and a pain in the ass,
but you're a hero
to your family.
Thank you,
Scout Master.
It's Frank.
All right, you get some rest.
I'll take the first watch.
All right.
We got a deacon, a priest,
and a bunch of nuns
to join the cause.
Thinking of starting
a collection plate,
raise some funds for the kids.
That'd be incredible.
- Yeah.
- I can't believe
all the people
whose lives you're touching.
You're like the person
I w-wish I had around
when I was growing up.
How is that?
Someone to...
stand up for me,
take on the world.
Be my motherfuckin' defender.
I can be your
motherfuckin' defender.
♪ Rousing rock music ♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
You made it to Canada, friend.
May they treat you well.
God speed.
Salaam alaikum.
♪ Electric guitar playing
"The Star-Spangled Banner" ♪
♪♪♪
Hey, mornin'.
Yo.
You still on that Bible shit?
Yeah, proving
to my online haters
that Jesus is a fag hag.
@HolyMoses4562 just keeps
writing "abomination"
in all caps.
Tell @HolyMoses
to eat a dick in all caps.
Hey.
What's going on?
Long night?
Up late fighting with Kassidi.
She still giving you shit
about going back to school?
She fucking worships me.
I'm not gonna let that go,
just end up like
everyone else in this family
who can't keep a relationship.
- Whoa, what's that...
- Who says we can't...
- supposed to mean?
- Hold a relationship?
We're in love; everyone's
gonna have to accept that.
Got any more evaporated milk?
You gonna use that for Franny?
It's cheaper than formula and
I don't have day care today.
Another gaycorcism's going down.
Gotta gather the kids.
See ya.
What's up, bud?
Missed call from Sierra.
Oh, fuck.
Sierra?
Thought she ditched you.
Eh, you're right.
We do suck at relationships.
I'm home.
I'm home!
I'm home!
Overweight minimum wage workers
buying discount
laundry detergent!
I have missed you so much!
God bless America!
God bless America!
Wha-ha!
♪♪♪
Hey, Xan.
Hey.
Look, I, uh...
I wanted to apologize
for last night.
We're fuck buddies,
not a love triangle.
Everything's chill.
Cool.
Ya fucked up.
She's pissed.
♪ Funky music ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Nothing's gonna
hold me back ♪
♪ Can't hold me back ♪
♪ No, it ain't
going down like that ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Nothing's standing
in my way ♪
♪ Can't stand in my way ♪
Good boy, Toto.
♪ 'Cause when you got it,
you got it ♪
♪♪♪
Mommy's gonna get her tuition.
Yes, she is.
How long Svetlana
been on her break?
Feels like a long time, right?
Kev, this isn't good.
I told you, she is
plotting something against us.
Some Russian chick
comes in here yesterday,
and ever since,
Svetlana's been acting weird.
That's it.
I'm gonna put a stop to this.
Domination time.
All right, what's on the laptop?
It's personal business.
New rule:
no personal business at work.
- Open the laptop.
- No. It's private.
New rule: show us
what's on the laptop
or get shipped to the gulag.
Speaking Russian
Show us what's
on the damn computer,
or we're gonna call Immigration.
We had a deal.
No ICE.
New rule: no deal.
Show us the fucking laptop!
Fine!
You want to see what I'm doing?
I am looking up
fact after fact
about rich old fuck
who's about to marry
a bottom-rate whore
who I helped
smuggle into this country.
She gets to have
American dream,
live life of beauty
and privilege
while I sit here and get shit on
by two ex-lovers who still
treat me like
a prostitute slave,
who make me wear
a vampire blouse
just to strip me
of the last bit of dignity
that I still have.
♪♪♪
Yo, bro.
We gotta talk, man.
Yo, I'm working, all right...
Sierra kicked me out.
Yeah, I heard
you're a dad again.
Congrats.
I don't know what to do.
It took a long time
to get Lucas and Sierra
to trust me again.
Shit was finally
getting better for us.
All right, just keep
your voice down, all right?
Could you just...
Just talk to Sierra for me?
Tell her to take me back.
I can't get involved
in this, okay?
Please, man, please.
She respects you.
I don't know what I'll do
if I lose them again.
I'm finally clean, you know?
I don't want to be
a junkie again.
You gotta help me.
If not for me, for Lucas,
'cause I fucking love that kid.
And he...
He needs a dad.
Please, dude, just...
just... just talk to her.
That was a nice thing
you said to that woman.
Were you just
stringing me along earlier?
What?
The bowling thing?
No, I thought
it'd be fun to hang out.
Look, if-if you're not into me,
you just need to say so,
but don't invite me
to meet all your exes
and then ignore me
the whole time.
We're not in high school.
Just be up front.
You giving me ultimatums
before we're even dating?
Yeah.
I am.
Also, I'm not some
messy, complicated chick
who's stuck in a house
with a crazy family.
I've got goals and plans.
And I'm an amazing
fuckin' catch.
What says "please stop
threatening to kill yourself"?
Rhinestone bracelet.
My four-year-old bedazzled it.
Excellent choice,
but sounds like
you're looking for more
of a promise ring?
What's a promise ring?
Like, commitment
with an exit route.
Got a red sapphire.
Or this, cubic zirconia.
Looks like the real thing.
From the jewelry collection
of Iceberg Slim.
Local pimp.
Hundred bucks.
Look, I gotta meet another
client, so what's it gonna be?
I'd go with the pimp.
♪♪♪
In the name of Jesus,
the Lord's only begotten son...
I rebuke
the devil's homosexuality
from your body and your soul.
You are pure and holy
just as you are.
Your gay body is a blessing,
not a sin.
No, sir.
No, sir.
Not today.
This is not the place
for your message.
Oh, my message of love?
A church isn't a place for that?
You are not welcome here, son.
- Ushers!
- I'm not welcome?
I thought everyone was welcome
in the house of God.
Easy, come on, fellas.
Take it easy.
Not when you're
disrupting God's word!
All right, well, you can't stop
the movement for justice.
This isn't over!
All right. Hey, kid, don't
listen to these pricks, okay?
You're gonna be okay.
We're coming back!
Hi.
Sign me for second semester,
please.
Oh, it's good to see
you made it back.
Okay.
♪ Soft brooding music ♪
Two...
Don't ask.
♪♪♪
Hey.
♪ Whispered something
in your ear ♪
Hey.
Look, I-I know
you've been through a lot.
And it's not really any
of my business, but, um...
♪ A perverted thing to say ♪
Charlie's crazy about you.
You know, I mean, the dude,
he won't leave me alone
until you give him another shot.
♪♪♪
I mean, I-I get it.
You know, you-you're
not the kind of girl
somebody wants to lose.
♪♪♪
♪ Nothing's gonna
hurt you, baby ♪
♪♪♪
Butt bumping
is Jesus' love!
Dry humping
is Jesus' love!
Dry humping
is Jesus' love!
Dry humping is Jesus' love!
Dry humping
is Jesus' love!
Carpet munching is Jesus' love!
Carpet munching
is Jesus' love!
- Carpet munching...
- Is Jesus' love!
- Carpet munching is Jesus' love!
- That's enough.
That's enough!
We have the right
to demonstrate.
You are blaspheming the Lord!
Preaching hate is blasphemy.
I will not allow you
to drag down the good morals
of this church...
- Carpet munching is Jesus' love!
- For your own sick beliefs.
Carpet munching
is Jesus' love!
Carpet munching
is Jesus' love!
- I'm telling you to leave.
- Carpet munching is Jesus' love!
- Butt bumping is Jesus' love!
- Leave the premises now!
- Please, leave the...
- Dry humping is Jesus' love!
Dry humping
is Jesus' love!
Nipple licking
is Jesus' love!
Nipple licking is Jesus' love!
Nipple licking
is Jesus' love!
Nipple licking
is Jesus' love...
Hey, stand back.
Everybody, stand back.
Hey, look at me.
Stay with me.
Hey!
Come on!
Come on.
Come on, come on.
Wake up. Wake up.
Oh, my God.
He's breathing.
Wow.
Thank God.
♪ Upbeat rock music ♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
You leaving?
Yeah, uh...
Look, I'm sorry.
I wanna...
stay and be here with you.
♪♪♪
I should go.
Friends, patriots, allies,
I have traveled through
the depths of hell.
Fell from a horse,
limped through the woods,
just to have my
final source of income
stripped away from me
by the Canucks.
I am returning
to an automated America
where the white man is replaced
by robots and Chinese.
I am penniless and empty-handed,
and the only solace I have
is sharing a lot of beers
with my blue-collar
brothers and sisters.
Who's buying?
So you don't have our meds?
That's one part of what I said.
Perhaps you missed the part
about my hardship!
I gave you 100 bucks,
Frank!
- Frank... get him!
- You little shit!
- Frank!
- God, he's fast.
Is that your cello?
Refurbishing it for a friend.
So, uh...
I'm sorry about
the ultimatum thing earlier.
I'm actually much more
calm once you get to know me
and... don't blow me off.
You're pretty damn intriguing.
I'll say that.
How intriguing?
♪ Sultry rock music ♪
♪♪♪
♪ All this way to connect ♪
I'm gonna finish my work now.
♪♪♪
♪ All the way
to the corner every day ♪
♪ You were there for me ♪
Okay.
♪♪
Okay, I'm gonna...
let you finish.
♪♪♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
Okay.
Bye.
♪♪♪
♪ I was home when you came ♪
♪ It threw me out of touch ♪
♪ It took away from the cold
in your arms ♪
♪ Now I wait for my turn
to let it blow ♪
♪ Against me ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Will you wait for the one
that disappears? ♪
♪♪♪
Over here.
What the fuck, Carl?
Well, I wanted to rekindle
the first time we fell in love.
So I brought
something for the occasion.
Oh, my God!
Yes, I'll marry you!
Fucking hell yes!
Oh, my God...
Marry me?
Yes! Yes!
♪ Bombastic hip-hop music ♪
Yes, yes!
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
Sync corrections by srjanapala
♪ Can't get enough,
can't get enough ♪
♪ Can't get enough,
can't get enough ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ Won't give it up
no matter what ♪
♪ No way ♪