Shameless (2011–…): Season 10, Episode 7 - Citizen Carl - full transcript
Carl embraces his civic duty. Debbie searches for her next payday. Frank meets the woman of his dreams. Ian and Mickey get roped into a dangerous scam. When tragedy strikes the Alibi, Kev and V go undercover to find new customers.
Fuck you.
I ain't telling you shit.
Honey, be polite.
It's not their fault
they don't remember.
They have that big steel plate
in their head.
Why else would you not
remember something
that happened
one damn week ago?
It's our new RV.
I guess...we're living
in an RV now.
♪ rock music ♪
City basketball clubs
are recruiting today.
Todd can't keep
his offers straight,
so I'm managing him.
Hey, what's the deal
with Paula?
The deal is, you're fucked.
[Paula] Sparky!
Sparky!
Sparky, Shelly.
Shelly, Sparky.
She's your boss.
Well, vice boss,
'cause I'm your boss.
Stick it to him, Shel.
I negotiated Pepa
down to partial custody
in exchange for some
of Derek's death benefit,
but I can't stomach the thought
of that bitch having
one second alone with Franny.
She ready?
She's gonna piss
on the family's electronics
and start
several small fires,
so yeah, she's ready.
Sweet.
Remember,
you're Franny now.
Didn't think
you'd actually show.
[Debbie] Here I am,
and here's Franny,
on time, as promised.
So I guess
I owe you a check.
I guess you do.
[Pepa] Oh, my God,
everybody get out!
Get out now!
- Franny! What the hell?
- [baby crying]
Hello, 911?
I'd like to report a fire.
♪ rock music ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Think of all
the luck you got ♪
♪ Know that
it's not for naught ♪
♪ You were beaming
once before ♪
♪ But it's not like that
anymore ♪
♪ What is this downside ♪
♪ That you speak of? ♪
♪ What is this feeling ♪
♪ You're so sure of? ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Round up
the friends you got ♪
♪ Know that
they're not for naught ♪
♪ You were willing
once before ♪
♪ But it's not like that
anymore ♪
♪ What is this downside ♪
♪ That you speak of? ♪
♪ What is this feeling ♪
♪ You're so sure of? ♪
- [alarm blaring]
- [men yelling indistinctly]
[man] Hey, yo,
step off that shit!
[dog barks]
[glass shatters]
Oh, thank goodness
you're here.
I know you?
No.
This bus stop is so dark.
Yeah, a couple
of streetlights are out.
Have been ever since
my Emeril was still alive.
Really?
Hmm. He passed in 2002.
Oh.
I'm Ester.
Carl.
I'm not usually out
this late.
Was celebrating
my birthday.
My sister got me this.
Oh, wow.
That's really nice.
[chuckles]
I'm 75 years young today.
Holy shit!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh, don't worry.
I can swear
with the best of them too.
Oh, you need a hand?
This isn't my bus.
I'm a number 15.
Oh.
You go.
Sure?
Get the fuck out of here!
[both laugh]
See?
What'd I tell you?
Nice to meet you, Carl.
Take care.
[scanner beeps]
[man] Your purse!
Stop the bus!
That woman's getting robbed!
- Ester!
- [driver] Not a chance.
- Call 911 if you want.
- Come on, stop the bus!
- [woman] Shut up.
- [gunfire]
Hey, let me out!
Open the doors!
Oh, hey!
Open the door!
Come on!
- [woman] Sit down.
- Come on!
[driver] I ain't stopping, man.
I have a schedule to keep.
Ester.
♪ rock music ♪
[baby crying]
♪ gentle music ♪
♪♪♪
[crying continues]
- Ugh.
- Your baby's crying.
I fed him at 4.
No, I fed him at 4.
Are you sure?
♪♪♪
[sighs]
I have no idea.
It's all a blur.
[groans]
Why isn't he a teenager yet
who can just feed himself?
You know, maybe we can
get him one of those, uh,
you know,
gerbil bottle things.
You know, rig it up
to the side of his crib.
[Tami laughs]
[Fred crying]
I know.
All right, I'll feed him.
You get coffee?
Deal.
♪♪♪
- Hey.
- Yeah.
♪♪♪
Hi.
Hey, Mommy's coming, all right?
- [shushing]
- I got you. I got you.
I got you.
Hey.
Hey, I hear you.
Is somebody hungry?
Come here.
Come here.
Yeah.
- Can we change your diaper?
- Hey.
Should we change your diaper?
♪♪♪
So it's been about, uh,
six weeks, right?
I think so.
Yeah.
We can have sex now.
Yeah, that's right.
Good.
Good.
[urine trickling]
- Oh.
- Oh, my...
Uh...
Seriously, Fred?
♪ rock music ♪
♪♪♪
- Hey, get away from her!
- [man] Give me your purse!
♪♪♪
Better run.
♪♪♪
Ester, are you okay?
♪♪♪
[yells]
[breathing heavily]
Keep your wet dreams
to yourself, son.
Saw an old lady get shot
at the Ashcroft bus stop
last night.
Who hasn't been shot
at that bus stop?
I wanted to help her.
It happened so fast.
Bus driver wouldn't stop.
If you made ten bucks an hour,
you wouldn't stop either.
You know, the streetlights
were out.
We have streetlights?
Yeah, she said they were out
for the past 15 years.
No surprise there.
Why doesn't the city
fix them?
[laughs]
Oh, that's adorable.
Can I wear this tank top?
That's not a tank top.
It will be now.
♪ upbeat music ♪
Go for Liam.
If you want Todd,
you're gonna have
to go through me.
His manager, that's who.
State your business.
Tell me what time
practice is,
and I'll get him there.
No, no,
that's not what I said.
- Okay, bye.
- [tires screeching]
♪♪♪
Debbie Gallagher,
get out here right now!
♪♪♪
Uh-oh. Okay.
I'll be right back.
Shh.
[Pepa] Debbie Gallagher,
come get your kid!
♪♪♪
Hey, Pepa.
What's going on?
Supposed
to pick her up tonight.
Yeah, well,
here's your demon child.
She set my couch on fire,
ate a pound
of raw hamburger meat,
and bit off the tip
of my son's middle toe.
Oh, my goodness.
That does not sound like
my sweet Franny bear at all.
Cut the horseshit, Debbie.
You know, you're the worst
mother on the planet.
You don't think
that's kind of cruel?
No, I don't think.
Here's your death benefit
money.
I never wanna see you
or your Children of the Corn
daughter ever again.
Don't be a stranger, Pepa!
You're welcome back
for dinner sometime!
Hey, what was all that about?
- And who is this?
- [Debbie] Derek's wife, Pepa,
tried to screw me
out of Derek's death benefit,
so Bella over here
was pretending to be Franny
so I could get my share
of Derek's money.
I followed none of that,
and I'm too tired to care.
[Debbie] Here.
Hi!
Come here.
Good girl.
Right there.
Bella!
We're not at Pepa's house
anymore.
We don't eat
like animals here.
Spoon.
[liquid pouring]
[pounding at door]
Yeah.
Got some of Mickey's shit.
He here?
Uh, upstairs, probably.
Who's she?
Milkovich.
Sandy, I think.
Cousin--no, uh,
half sister or...
oh, something.
How many of them are there?
It's hard to know.
You know, when I was
with Mandy,
they were always showing up
paroled, evicted,
on the run from the cops.
Not usually that cute.
Really, her?
[footsteps tapping]
I saw some stuff.
Shit's gotta change.
What happened to him?
I don't know.
Not a clue.
I'm still trying
to catch up on your
Derek-dead-wife-Bella story.
Close.
This everything?
As much as I could find.
Hey, anybody, uh,
kind of...brown come around
the house looking for me?
No.
Good.
How is everyone, anyway?
[laughs] Same.
Your brothers are idiots.
Least once a week,
one of them gets drunk,
crawls into my bed,
and tries to get something
off of me.
Fuck 'em,
chop their nuts off
next time they try it.
Or I could stay here with you.
Have fun like we did
when we were kids.
Jeez!
You know that's messed up,
right?
Not like we're related.
We are totally related.
We're fucking cousins!
And you're gay.
Fine, whatever.
Plus, he's taken.
Oh, right, you.
Yeah, good to see you too,
Sandy.
Bathroom's all yours.
Hey, I had shampoo
and shit.
Is there soap anywhere?
You've been gone for years.
You think your brothers
would save that shit for you?
You can use mine.
We'll hit Costco later.
- I'm getting paid.
- I can't, man.
PO texted me
when you were in the shower.
He's got a job for me.
Give me a list
of shit you need
and I'll pick it up for you.
Isn't that cute?
Little domestic bitches.
Mm, thank you!
I shut the stove off
before we left, right?
I'm sure you did.
You're sure as in
you know for a fact,
or you're sure as in
you're trying to shut me up?
The second one.
Should I go back and check?
No!
Worst-case scenario,
our house explodes
and we collect
a ton of insurance money.
We have insurance, right?
No.
Ah, you're late!
[Kev] Jesus!
What, you guys camp out here?
[Kermit] I did.
I'll take a beer
and shot of anything.
Same.
[Kev] Have I even turned
the lights on yet?
Don't need to see.
I know where my mouth is.
We left Billy here
last night?
Ah, barely even notice him
sitting there anymore.
Me neither.
He's like a piece of furniture.
I'm gonna get you a shot
on the house, all right, Billy?
For a free shot,
I'd get locked in here.
Here you go, Billy.
I'm sorry about that, buddy.
[body thuds]
That didn't sound good.
Billy!
Oh, my God, he's dead.
I touched a dead guy.
[Tommy] Billy's dead?
[Kev] Feel him!
He's cold and stiff!
No!
No!
Billy, no, no, no!
Oh, he was too young
to die!
Oh, I'm gonna miss you,
old pal.
He was a good friend.
Jesus, Frank, I've never even
seen you talk to Billy.
He opened up a lot more
when it was just the two of us,
and now...
you've gone and died!
Billy, no, no.
Jeez.
Ah.
[Veronica]
Paramedics are on the way.
[Frank sighing]
I can't stay here and...
watch them zip him up!
Oh, God, Billy.
♪ upbeat music ♪
♪♪♪
I'm gonna miss you, old pal.
♪♪♪
[man] 'Sup, Frank?
[Frank] Big score.
Fresh dead guy.
♪♪♪
- [Lip] Yo.
- Shh.
[softly] Oh.
I got coffee.
And I got toast
with peanut butter or cheese.
Uh, I don't care.
Whichever one you don't want.
Yeah.
Wanna take a bite of both?
Uh, this one.
Okay.
There you go.
Wow, he's really out, huh?
Yeah.
Milk coma.
[laughs]
So, uh, you wanna do it?
Hmm?
Six weeks.
Sex.
- Yeah, let's go.
- Yeah, right.
[Tami shushing]
[shushing]
♪ light rock music ♪
♪♪♪
- Hey.
- Hey. [laughs]
Mm.
Mm. [sniffs]
Sorry.
- What is that smell?
- I don't smell it.
Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
you serious?
It smells like a...
like a truck driver took a dump
and then covered it
with vanilla body spray.
Oh.
You?
♪♪♪
Okay, the post-pregnancy
hormones
are doing crazy things
to my body.
Okay, well,
did you flush?
Yes, I flushed.
It could be Fred's poopy wipes.
Well, what did you do
with them?
I flushed them too.
You did what?
♪♪♪
[gagging] Oh, fuck.
They're supposed
to be flushable.
Not in an R...[softly] V.
It's a septic tank.
I don't even know
what that means.
- [Lip] Oh...fuck.
- [Tami] Oh.
Mother of God.
It smells like death.
Yeah, I don't think
that's been emptied in a while.
You bought an RV
full of someone else's shit?
Yeah, I didn't think
to check the shit.
♪♪♪
Oh, fuck!
We gotta empty this.
We?
♪♪♪
I'm sorry, Ester.
[sniffles]
[Kev]
We should say a prayer.
Yeah, you should, baby.
♪ "Amazing Grace"
playing on bagpipes ♪
O Father, heavenly Father
up in the sky
who watches over us
in heaven and Earth,
we give to you
our daily bread.
Forgive us our trespasses
unto others
as we would have them
unto ourselves.
Amen.
[all] Amen.
Good job, baby.
It's all that Catholic school
that I did.
Can you tell us how he died?
Heart attack?
Uh, he looked jaundiced.
Breasts were augmented.
Uh, his veins
around his belly button
were enlarged,
swollen extremities, so...
probably cirrhosis
from all the booze you fed him.
Oh, my God.
We killed Billy.
No, we didn't.
You murdered hm.
[Veronica] Billy had free will.
He was a grown-ass man.
It was his choice to drink.
But we made the alcohol
available to him.
That's kind of what happens
in a bar, Kev.
You might as well have
handed him a loaded gun.
That's exactly what we did.
Okay.
I guess no one wants
a shot of tequila on the house
in honor of Billy, then.
Fuck that coroner.
He didn't know shit.
Yeah, what's he think,
he's a doctor?
[patrons clamoring]
♪ rock music ♪
♪ If you think
I'm gonna leave ♪
♪ That golden girl
up alone all night ♪
♪ I may have tricked myself,
she couldn't shake it ♪
♪ So I guess
you might be right ♪
♪ We're gonna keep
the lights down ♪
♪ Keep the lights down... ♪
Security, we have code orange.
Woman in the green sweatpants
heading out with merch.
Got eyes on her now.
Excuse me, miss.
Hi.
Ah, shit.
♪♪♪
Cough it up
and we're good!
Fuck you!
I didn't steal anything!
Why you running?
♪♪♪
Christ on a stick.
♪♪♪
- Get off me!
- Hey, shut your face.
I just got out of prison,
so I have no qualms
about reaching down
your throat,
through your intestines,
and out your fucking asshole
to take back
whatever you stole.
Hand it over.
Here.
Asshole.
Stole this ugly piece of shit?
What's wrong with you?
You know what?
Get up.
Now, you are gonna
hand this back
to the nice little nerd
that works at the store.
- Jesus.
- Yeah, you don't like that?
'Cause then you're gonna go
buy me a fucking Orange Julius.
♪ Let me catch my ♪
♪ Catch, come on ♪
♪ Catch, come on ♪
♪ Let me catch my ♪
♪ upbeat rock music ♪
♪♪♪
Billy, whoa.
Really, under the mattress?
♪♪♪
♪ Catch, come on ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Let me catch my ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Let me catch my ♪
Shit.
Billy Junior?
♪♪♪
Hey!
[Debbie] Hey.
Girl, congratulations!
You got that dough-re-mi!
I know. Thank you so much
for helping me.
You ready to go celebrate
with some downtown happy hour?
Yep.
Just waiting on the sitter.
[indistinct speech over TV]
I cannot tell you two apart.
I pooped in Pepa's shoes.
Good for you.
[knock at door]
Hey. Thanks for
watching the kids.
You got my goods?
- Right there.
- Sweet.
Hi, baby. I'm gonna go out
for a little while.
You're gonna listen to Stella
while I'm gone, okay?
- Okay.
- Hey.
She better be alive
when I get home.
Go get your mama's weed for me.
Now!
So why can't we just dump it
in the park?
I got a better idea.
Oh, my God.
I can still smell it back here.
You're downwind of me.
Why don't you just
get-get in the front?
All right.
Let's make a run for it, Fred.
Here we go.
All right.
[both] Go, go, go,
go, go.
[Tami]
Yeah. [sighs]
Yeah, you're right.
It is a little better up here.
Yeah.
Wait, is that where
you're gonna dump it?
Yup.
Hey, I need you on lookout.
Just make sure
those construction workers
don't see me, all right?
Okeydokey.
But hurry up, okay?
We got some sexin' to do.
Hey!
Hi, guys.
How's it going?
Any of you wanna take
responsibility for this?
Nah.
No?
You wanna look
at his face first?
Some of you look familiar.
[scoffs] Carl!
You see what's on this flyer?
Yeah.
Fish bites, soda,
and a cookie,
only $7.95.
And what do I have
in front of me?
Soda, soda, soda, soda,
cookie, cookie,
cookie, cookie.
Guess what I don't have.
Here are your fish bites,
Lori.
Yeah.
About time.
Thank you very much
for your patience,
and throwing in
an extra cookie for your wait.
Okay. Carl.
Maybe if you would get off
the phone with your bitches,
I wouldn't have angry customers
up my ass.
I'm not on the phone
with my "bitches."
I'm on the phone
with the city.
My cousin works for the city.
They have contests
to see who can answer
the least amount
of phone calls in a day.
Yeah, well, I saw an old lady
get shot last night
at the bus stop.
Streetlights were out.
It was dark.
Guy came out of nowhere.
You wanna see
a bunch of streetlights?
Come up to my place
on the North Side.
I got plenty of streetlights.
See you, what, around ten?
[woman over phone]
This is Janice,
employee number 7253.
How can I help you?
Uh, yeah, hi,
I'm calling, uh, about getting
some streetlights fixed.
What's the address?
Uh, Ashcroft and Ridgley.
Okay, South Side.
Looks like we can schedule
a work crew to come out.
All right, awesome.
When?
Next available date
is April 17th.
- April?
- Of 2022.
Wait.
People are getting shot!
Thank you for calling
the city of Chicago.
[line clicks]
This is bullshit!
City basically killed
an old black lady,
and they don't even
give two shits.
It's like she
didn't even exist.
Wasn't even on the news.
You watch the news?
I gotta do something
about this,
let everybody know
what happened.
You go, girl.
That's pretty, baby.
Okay, who wants a drink?
V, what if I clean the scum
out of the soda gun
and we serve Cokes
instead of death?
Kev, nobody
is gonna order a Coke.
That's why there's scum
in the gun.
I'll have a Coke...
...with a rum back.
[Frank] Done mourning.
Ready to drink.
This should keep me
well-lubricated
for the better part
of the day, Mr. Barkeep.
Let's...let's memorialize
Billy.
What can we say about Billy
that we don't already know?
Um, everything.
I don't know anything
about him.
He had a son
who looked just like him...
or maybe a brother.
- Um...he was a man...
- [door squeaks open]
♪ blues music ♪
♪♪♪
- ...who loved fishing.
- [Kev] What?
[Frank] He always kept
a bountiful supply
of deli meats on hand...
although his...
♪♪♪
...his living quarters
was always a mess.
So here's to Billy.
Hip, hip...
[all weakly] Hooray.
♪♪♪
That was a beautiful speech.
♪♪♪
Oh, you heard that?
[laughs] I didn't even notice
you were sitting there.
♪♪♪
Do you wanna join me?
♪♪♪
Well, I have a pretty busy day
ahead of me. Uh...
I suppose one drink
would be all right.
♪♪♪
Faye Donahue.
Enchanté.
Frank Gallagher.
You speak French?
Oui.
Un poquito.
I hope you're okay
with a 12-year
double cask Macallen.
Well...
in a pinch, it'll have to do.
[laughs]
Barkeep, two glasses, please.
Of what?
Just the glasses.
♪♪♪
Hey, pretty lady.
You can't drink
your own booze in here.
If you want scotch,
we have scotch.
I'm sorry.
I was gonna pay you
a corkage fee.
What the hell is a corkage fee?
You charge us for the alcohol
we would've bought
but are not drinking.
- This work?
- [Veronica] $40?
Sure does.
Cork away.
♪♪♪
To Billy...
and chance encounters.
[glasses clink]
♪♪♪
Mmm.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Hey, Shelly.
What's up, Sparky?
Um, I ain't got you
on the schedule today.
Came to pick up my check.
Um...I'm gonna give you this,
and I want you to run.
- What?
- Run.
Why?
Hey, look who it is!
Sparky Gallagher.
That's why.
- Here to pick up your check?
- Uh, fuck.
Mine.
What the hell, Paula?
Well, way I see it is,
your little Good Samaritan act
the other day
cost me in kickbacks
probably just about
what you make in a week,
so...you don't mind,
I'll just have you put
your Sparky Hancock
right there.
All right.
Gonna buy myself
something real purty
with this now.
[laughs]
Told you to run.
To Derek's death benefit.
[chuckles]
[mellow rock music playing]
Mm, not bad.
Right?
♪♪♪
This place is fancy.
Yeah, this is where I come
looking for all
my baby daddies.
Really, these guys?
They're rich.
And old as shit.
Just means they'll die sooner.
I'm glad I'm financially set
for a while.
No, no, no, no.
That money is not
gonna last forever.
You need to find
your next sucker now
so that when the money
runs out,
there's no break
in the cash flow.
I'm not sure I wanna have
another kid.
Don't look at it as a kid.
Look at it as a gravy train.
♪♪♪
Here we go!
Come on. Come, come on.
[emphatically] Hi.
I'm Megan,
and this is Debbie.
Oh, well.
I'm, uh...I'm Mark,
and, uh, this is Charles.
Ooh.
You're a pretty one.
Mm-hmm.
[laughs]
Hey, how's it going?
Hey, so what's going on?
Eh, preseason media day:
signing some autographs,
selling new overpriced merch,
usual.
Oh.
Lead story: the Bears
have added a meatless burger
to the menu.
Big news.
Yeah, a woman got shot
last night.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Guy came out of nowhere,
shot her in cold blood.
- Where?
- South Side.
Oh.
She white?
- Black.
- Young?
- Old.
- Celebrity?
- Grandma.
- [scoffs] You ready for me?
- [cameraman] Yeah.
- Yeah, but she was shot!
The streetlights were out
'cause the city didn't care.
You could be the first
to report on it.
I'm at Soldier Field,
where vegetarians
from across the city
are cheering.
Is it for Dickie Burke's
end zone dance?
Nope, it's the Bears'
meatless burger.
[male reporter]
Meatless burger.
That's right, you heard it.
Everyone's excited about it.
This is gonna be something
that people
are gonna talk about
for a long time.
The meatless burger
is in the stadium, folks.
You gotta get down here
soon as you can...
- [laughs]
- Stop it.
I'm serious.
It was November before I knew
I was in the wrong class.
How did that even happen?
I was a dumb college freshman,
thought I was taking
Better Orgasms:
A Woman's Study.
I'd signed up for
Better Organisms:
A Whale's Study.
Oh, my.
That is rich.
[both laughing]
What could that woman
possibly see in Frank?
[Veronica] Maybe she's blind.
And has no sense
of smell.
Kev, I've been looking,
and Billy was one
of our best customers.
God rest his soul.
No, I mean he was, like,
28 percent of our business.
Well, he used to always
buy everyone rounds.
God rest his soul.
We have a major
supply-and-demand problem
on our hands.
- Supply and demand?
- We have a lot of supply,
and Billy was much
of our demand.
We need more customers.
Well, what's wrong with us?
You drink like pussies.
We need to find
hard-core boozers.
Come on.
What if we just turned
this place into a juice bar?
- Kev!
- I'm coming.
[Faye laughs]
Tell me more about
Frank Gallagher,
the early years.
I've been doing
all the talking.
I don't know anything
about you.
Where are you from?
How did you end up
in this neck of the woods?
City put a boot on my car.
Parking tickets.
Quite a few parking tickets.
[scoffs]
Why didn't you say something
before?
I will have that off
in no time.
Do you have an in with
the transportation department?
No, I have an in
with an acetylene torch.
Oh.
Mm.
So what are we gonna do now?
Have sex.
No, I mean, yes, yes,
but what are we gonna do
when we have to go poop again?
Is this your idea of foreplay?
I'm trying to think ahead.
Uh, we can dump it out.
It's that simple.
You wanna be on top,
or should I?
- Uh, no, you can.
- Okay.
So haul buckets of crap
to a porta-potty?
Oh, yeah.
We use toilets in the house.
- All right?
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
- But walk over there
in the middle of the night
in the winter?
Hey, is there any chance
we can talk about this
after the sex?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- I'm sorry.
- Okay, that's okay.
- Let's do this.
- Yep.
[Tami] Yeah.
You have a condom, right?
No.
We need one.
You just had a baby.
Yeah, and I can have
another one.
Not while you're breastfeeding.
That's an old wives' tale.
- Are you sure?
- [laughs]
I am the ripest
I've ever been right now.
All right, well,
we can Google it,
and then if I'm right,
then, uh, I don't have
to go get a condom.
- Go ahead.
- Right.
Uh, can a woman get pregnant
while breastfeeding?
[Siri] A woman's chances
of getting pregnant
when she's breastfeeding
increase by 40 percent.
[Tami chuckles]
[door slams]
About time, man.
Your Panda Express
is getting cold.
Hey, you wanna know
what I bought from Costco?
I don't know.
Soap, hopefully.
Nothing.
You know why?
Why?
Eat your Szechuan beans.
Paula took
my fucking paycheck.
What?
Something about me owing her
for kickbacks or some bullshit.
That's what POs are like, man.
Sooner you accept it,
the sooner
shit won't bother you.
Okay, okay.
Easy for you to say.
You have do-gooder Larry.
Look, look,
Paula's whole job
is to make your life
miserable.
Your job is to not
let it bother you.
Or I could kill her.
Yeah, great plan.
End up back in the joint.
No, I think
it might be worth it.
I don't know if I can handle
two more years
of this fucking bullshit.
Chill your fucking tits
and eat your noodles, man.
Let's talk
about something else.
[Paula] Fellas!
Hey!
How's it going?
Is that Sbarro?
Love me some Sbarro.
Mmm!
What is this?
You stalking me now?
No, not here for you.
Uh-uh.
So that leaves just
one other person at this table.
That's too fucking bad.
You ain't my PO,
Lollipop Guild.
Let's get out of here,
get some Pinkberry.
That's the rub.
I made a little arrangement
with Larry, so sit.
You're mine now.
Wait, what?
It's never good
in a relationship
when one partner
has a soft PO.
This took a lot of effort
on my part
to make this happen.
Had to have dinner
with Larry and his wife
at the Olive Garden.
Ugh, those kids.
One of them's into magic.
Kept making the breadsticks
disappear.
I wanted to tell him,
"That's not a trick.
You're just a fat fuck,"
but whatever.
Anyway, Larry switched with me,
so...you're welcome.
Why would you do that?
I never had
a Milkovich before.
Always wanted one.
So I seized the opportunity.
All right, I got
a two-person job for you guys,
so let's finish up
with this lunch,
and we're all gonna skedaddle
on out of here, okay?
Grab one more
of those headsets too, okay?
Come on, guys.
Still think I should chill
my fucking tits?
Fuck.
[indistinct shouting
and commentary over TV]
So who are you guys again?
Stella and Bella.
So...you like to party?
Family, this is
my new friend Faye.
Hello.
Franny, you know where Mommy
keeps her torch?
That's not Franny.
She's Bella.
Who the hell's Bella?
I don't know.
She know
where Debbie's torch is?
It's in the kitchen,
next to the dryer.
You know how to use that?
Eh, you-you flip a switch.
It's like a cigarette lighter.
Okay.
That girl Stella in there
is trying to hook up with me.
Cool.
Lucky you.
What do I do?
Take her up to your room.
Dim the lights.
Strike a manly pose.
Put on some sexy music,
like Barry White.
[door clicks open and shut]
This is little Westin.
He's my eighth grandchild.
Wow.
Eight of them.
Uh, 13, actually.
I haven't showed you the rest.
- Hmm.
- Henry here,
he is my Charlotte's oldest.
Now, you can tell
from his eyes
he's a little special needs-y.
[Megan] Oh, my God,
these are so cute.
[Charles] He's ten.
He's ambidextrous
and is a whiz at video games.
He still holds
the highest score in Pac-Man.
[Mark] Hey, kids.
What do you say we, uh...
we take this party
up to our rooms?
Yes.
Wow, that sounds like a...
a wonderful idea.
Debbie?
[Megan] Oh, you know
what we could do?
We could get some
chocolate-covered strawberries
and some champagne.
They have, like, the best
chocolate-covered strawberries
at this hotel.
Hannah!
Hannah, it's me,
Debbie Gallagher.
Hey, uh, this is
my mom's best friend.
I'm gonna say hi.
I'll meet you guys up there.
Hey.
[whispering] Please save me
from this old guy
and go with this.
Debbie?
Oh, my goodness!
You look wonderful.
[Megan]
Are you guys in a suite or...
[elevator bell dings]
Okay, he's getting
in the elevator,
and now he's gone.
- Oh.
- [laughs]
Thank you.
Uh, I'll leave you alone now.
The least I could do
is buy you a drink
and tell you my real name.
Sure.
[singsongy] Condoms, condoms,
where are...you?
How the fuck are there
no condoms in here?
♪ I've heard people say that ♪
[smooth R&B music playing]
♪ Too much of anything
is not good for you, baby... ♪
Liam?
Hey, I'm giving you
full warning.
I'm coming in there,
all right?
Ah, fucking...
All right, look,
I-I don't want to be seeing
what you're doing,
but I also don't want you to be
doing what you're doing, so...
[Liam]
We're not doing anything.
You can open your eyes.
Thank God.
All right.
Whoa, hey, whoa,
what's-what's going on here?
Think she's stealing
my stuff.
Just borrowing.
Hey, w-have you seen, uh,
any condoms anywhere?
No.
Wait.
Here, they have
a whole bowl of them
at the group home.
♪ Oh, some things
I can't get used to... ♪
Thank you.
♪♪♪
[woman] Here.
Right here, right here!
Hey!
Hey.
When'd you get back?
Few days ago.
Gotta get back next week.
What are you doing here?
I wanna get
some streetlights fixed.
Need your help.
Aren't we mad
at each other?
Are we?
Well, we're weird
with each other.
Can we not be weird
so we can save some lives?
Why don't you ask your
Mexican friend Anne for help?
She moved.
Oh.
Plus, this is more your thing.
I don't know.
Oh, come on,
you cheated on me
and almost gave me the syph.
Said we could save lives?
Yeah, but we're gonna need
another person.
Who's one of the richest
bitches you play with?
Uh...
[Kelly scoffs]
Yep.
[laughs]
And as many of you know,
I was scared to go
to my family reunion
'cause of all the alcohol
that was gonna be there,
but then I realized
I didn't have to go.
And that was
the best decision I made, so...
thank you.
[applause]
Thank you, Kendall.
Who would like to share next?
[Veronica] I'll go.
Hi.
I'm, uh...
Teronica.
- [all] Hi, Teronica.
- And I'm an alcoholic...
...which really
isn't a bad thing
in the whole scheme
of life, right?
[laughs]
Anyway, I used to go
to this bar,
The, uh, Alibi.
The most delicious drinks.
A sea breeze--
that was my jam.
Oh, I loved the sound
of the ice
dropping into the tumbler,
then hearing
that ice crack
as the vodka poured over it.
And the juice!
Oh, so fresh.
Oh, boy, do I miss The Alibi,
over on Ogden Street,
open from 10 a. m.
to 2 a. m.
Anyway...that's all.
Thank you.
[applause]
That place sounds amazing.
[Jennie] Would you like
to go next?
Yeah, sure.
Uh, hello.
My name's...Tevin.
[all] Hi, Tevin.
All right,
Sparky Junior,
put your headset on.
You're going in,
right there.
That looks like
a fucking crack den.
Which is why I don't want
to go in there myself.
Need you to apprehend
a parolee
who's gone off the grid.
Great.
Keep the motor running.
Come on.
[clicks tongue]
[Tami] This'll work?
[Bob]
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You just wait till after dark,
and you dump the tank
in the sewer.
All right.
Thanks, Pops.
[sighs]
What are you doing, Tami?
Meaning?
Living in an RV
with this guy?
Well, his name's Lip.
Look, it's just not
what I imagined
for your life, kiddo.
Then good thing
you don't have to live it.
There's plenty of room
at the house.
Move back in.
[sighs]
[Tami]
[sighs] Don't hold back.
Why don't you tell me
what you really think?
Hey!
Hey, what's going on,
Mr. Tamietti?
How's it going?
Uh, I called my dad to see
if he could help us
hook up to the sewer system.
[Bob]
Yeah, you just lift up
the manhole when the, uh,
septic tank gets full,
and, uh, run the PVC.
Great, good.
Thanks, yeah.
Nice RV.
Yeah, yeah, it's good.
Uh, it needs some work,
but, you know...
...it's good.
So does this mean I can flush
Fred's wipies now?
- Right?
- [both] No, no.
No.
♪ rock music ♪
♪♪♪
All right, I'm outside
apartment 407.
[Paula] Okay.
Go get him, tiger.
His name's Caleefa.
Get him how?
And don't call me tiger.
Uh, you'll think
of something.
[Mickey]
Great.
He's gonna get shot
up there.
[shushing]
[whispering]
Stay positive, soldier.
♪♪♪
- [Caleefa] Yeah!
- Hey, it's your neighbor.
I got some, uh,
T-Mobile phones.
Fell off the back of a truck.
You want in?
What?
T-Mobile phones.
- Mm, how much?
- Twenty bucks each.
Uh, let me see 'em.
Down in the truck.
You better not be fucking
with me.
Babe, I'll be right back.
[Paula] Did you get him?
You got Caleefa?
- Is that Paula?
- Fuck's sake.
Oh, you fucking rat!
I'm sorry!
I had no choice!
I'm not going back to her!
Says you.
[both grunt]
[grunts]
Shit, fuck.
[grunting]
♪♪♪
I got him.
Let me go, douchebag.
Come on!
[Paula] Okay, drop him
out the window.
I'm on, like, the third floor.
[Paula] Good.
Let's see if he bounces.
Come on, go Milkovich
on him.
What's she saying?
You don't wanna know.
Don't make him do that.
[Mickey] Why don't you just
come on up here
and cuff him?
Mm, no can do.
I see an open window
right there.
Get ready to do
some of your ambulance shit,
'cause we're gonna have
a real live emergency
here in a second.
[Ian] Mickey, listen, you
don't have to do that, okay?
- [Paula] Five, four, three...
- [Ian] She's bluffing.
...two, one.
[screams]
- [glass shatters]
- [breathlessly] Oh.
[alarm blaring]
Get your kit.
[laughs]
Mm.
Do you think that your friend
is pregnant by now?
It's been, like, an hour.
She must be, right?
[both laugh]
You didn't want
to get knocked up too?
Mm, hell no.
She was trying to get me
to take a test
to see if I was ovulating
so we could have babies
at the same time.
Oh, that is
some mastermind trickery
going on there.
Felt kind of bad.
She was trying to trap them.
Oh, don't. They know
what they're here for.
What are you here for?
Oh, I was hoping to have a...
good conversation
with a nice woman.
Looks like I hit the jackpot.
Do you wanna go upstairs?
We could kick off these heels,
raid the minibar,
and check out the view.
Yes, I do.
[chuckles]
[distant sirens wailing]
Okay, so yeah,
we'll just wait here,
and the shuttle van
will pick us up.
Can't believe we're going
to a secret Lizzo concert.
It's so dark.
I'm a little sketched out.
I like it.
It's urban.
[horns honking]
[camera clicking]
Let's post an Insta Story.
- Yeah?
- Okay.
[clears throat]
♪ I just took a DNA test ♪
♪ Turns out
I'm a hundred percent ♪
[both] ♪ That bitch
even when I'm crying crazy ♪
♪ Yeah, I got boy problems,
that's the human in me ♪
♪ Bling, bling,
then I solve 'em ♪
♪ That's the goddess in me ♪
Yo, bitches,
give me your purses!
- [Kelly] What the fuck?
- [Amber] Oh, shit.
I told you
this place was sketchy.
- We're gonna die!
- I don't wanna die!
- [gunshots]
- [both scream]
Shut the fuck up!
Is that a real gun?
Did I just get shot?
Give me your purses,
you little rich bitches!
[Amber] Take it!
Take my watch too.
It's a Rolex.
[exhales deeply]
Thank God I'm alive.
I mean we're alive.
[laughs weakly]
There's nothing sexier
than watching a man
use a torch.
[laughs]
Then for you, Faye,
I shall never cease.
You order from the Greek Hut?
Indeed we did.
Think I almost got it.
[air hissing]
[laughs]
Well...
that's one way
to get the boot off.
You are a breath
of fresh air.
Forget the tire.
Let's go to my place
and eat this Greek food.
Sounds good to me.
After you.
Oh, I don't think
you're gonna drive anywhere
on that tire.
Don't need to drive.
This is my place.
The Rolls-Royce?
You live in your car?
Indeed I do.
♪ smooth music ♪
♪♪♪
You coming?
♪♪♪
I am stunningly confused
right now...
but utterly intrigued.
♪♪♪
[Kermit] I'll take
another gin and tonic.
How about a double?
Stop trying to upsell me, V.
You guys need to make up
for Billy being dead.
I spend my entire paycheck
here every week as it is.
Guys, let's try my new
strawberry banana smoothie,
right?
Kev, stop.
This is a bar.
What is a bar
without alcohol?
[scoffs]
- Farm?
- [Veronica] Exactly.
We're bartenders.
It's what we know.
We serve drinks.
That's what we do.
[rock music playing]
♪ Late one night... ♪
Kev, look who it is.
It's that chick
from AA.
♪ It ain't the desert,
but it'll do... ♪
Oh, shit.
I feel bad now that she's
actually here.
♪♪♪
Can I get a sea breeze,
please?
No, sorry,
we're actually out of--
One sea breeze
coming right up.
♪♪♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
♪♪♪
What have we done, Kev?
We have increased
our demand...
or our supply.
One of those two things
we've increased...
or decreased.
Hey, I've gotta get going!
[Claudia] I left you
a little something
on the nightstand.
Okay.
Holy shit.
Did you find it?
Uh, yeah.
Bye!
[sighs]
♪ spacey rock music ♪
♪♪♪
So you wanna have sex now?
Absolutely.
Yeah, you sure you don't want
to talk about sewage or...
anything like that?
No, I think I'm good.
You?
Yeah, me too.
I'm good.
Good.
♪♪♪
Good.
♪♪♪
[Carl] Yo, give me your purses!
[Kelly] I told you
this place was sketchy!
- We're gonna die!
- I don't wanna die!
- [gunshots]
- That was an excerpt
from an exclusive video
I was given tonight.
While two teenage girls
waited at a bus stop,
they were accosted
by an unknown masked assailant.
The reason
for this violent assault?
Broken streetlights.
As you can see behind me,
the city has now rushed
to repair the lights:
a little too little, too late.
Two brave girls
lucky to be alive.
I'm Gloria Johnson reporting...
You did a good thing,
Citizen Carl.
Got involved,
challenged the system,
made a change.
♪ rock music ♪
♪♪♪
♪ I've got blood
on my fingers ♪
♪ I've got mud in my veins ♪
♪ I've been through hell,
but I guess ♪
♪ That's just the price
that you pay ♪
♪♪♪
Guess who's coming with you.
[siren wailing]
You were right.
We gotta kill her.
♪♪♪
I ain't telling you shit.
Honey, be polite.
It's not their fault
they don't remember.
They have that big steel plate
in their head.
Why else would you not
remember something
that happened
one damn week ago?
It's our new RV.
I guess...we're living
in an RV now.
♪ rock music ♪
City basketball clubs
are recruiting today.
Todd can't keep
his offers straight,
so I'm managing him.
Hey, what's the deal
with Paula?
The deal is, you're fucked.
[Paula] Sparky!
Sparky!
Sparky, Shelly.
Shelly, Sparky.
She's your boss.
Well, vice boss,
'cause I'm your boss.
Stick it to him, Shel.
I negotiated Pepa
down to partial custody
in exchange for some
of Derek's death benefit,
but I can't stomach the thought
of that bitch having
one second alone with Franny.
She ready?
She's gonna piss
on the family's electronics
and start
several small fires,
so yeah, she's ready.
Sweet.
Remember,
you're Franny now.
Didn't think
you'd actually show.
[Debbie] Here I am,
and here's Franny,
on time, as promised.
So I guess
I owe you a check.
I guess you do.
[Pepa] Oh, my God,
everybody get out!
Get out now!
- Franny! What the hell?
- [baby crying]
Hello, 911?
I'd like to report a fire.
♪ rock music ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Think of all
the luck you got ♪
♪ Know that
it's not for naught ♪
♪ You were beaming
once before ♪
♪ But it's not like that
anymore ♪
♪ What is this downside ♪
♪ That you speak of? ♪
♪ What is this feeling ♪
♪ You're so sure of? ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Round up
the friends you got ♪
♪ Know that
they're not for naught ♪
♪ You were willing
once before ♪
♪ But it's not like that
anymore ♪
♪ What is this downside ♪
♪ That you speak of? ♪
♪ What is this feeling ♪
♪ You're so sure of? ♪
- [alarm blaring]
- [men yelling indistinctly]
[man] Hey, yo,
step off that shit!
[dog barks]
[glass shatters]
Oh, thank goodness
you're here.
I know you?
No.
This bus stop is so dark.
Yeah, a couple
of streetlights are out.
Have been ever since
my Emeril was still alive.
Really?
Hmm. He passed in 2002.
Oh.
I'm Ester.
Carl.
I'm not usually out
this late.
Was celebrating
my birthday.
My sister got me this.
Oh, wow.
That's really nice.
[chuckles]
I'm 75 years young today.
Holy shit!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh, don't worry.
I can swear
with the best of them too.
Oh, you need a hand?
This isn't my bus.
I'm a number 15.
Oh.
You go.
Sure?
Get the fuck out of here!
[both laugh]
See?
What'd I tell you?
Nice to meet you, Carl.
Take care.
[scanner beeps]
[man] Your purse!
Stop the bus!
That woman's getting robbed!
- Ester!
- [driver] Not a chance.
- Call 911 if you want.
- Come on, stop the bus!
- [woman] Shut up.
- [gunfire]
Hey, let me out!
Open the doors!
Oh, hey!
Open the door!
Come on!
- [woman] Sit down.
- Come on!
[driver] I ain't stopping, man.
I have a schedule to keep.
Ester.
♪ rock music ♪
[baby crying]
♪ gentle music ♪
♪♪♪
[crying continues]
- Ugh.
- Your baby's crying.
I fed him at 4.
No, I fed him at 4.
Are you sure?
♪♪♪
[sighs]
I have no idea.
It's all a blur.
[groans]
Why isn't he a teenager yet
who can just feed himself?
You know, maybe we can
get him one of those, uh,
you know,
gerbil bottle things.
You know, rig it up
to the side of his crib.
[Tami laughs]
[Fred crying]
I know.
All right, I'll feed him.
You get coffee?
Deal.
♪♪♪
- Hey.
- Yeah.
♪♪♪
Hi.
Hey, Mommy's coming, all right?
- [shushing]
- I got you. I got you.
I got you.
Hey.
Hey, I hear you.
Is somebody hungry?
Come here.
Come here.
Yeah.
- Can we change your diaper?
- Hey.
Should we change your diaper?
♪♪♪
So it's been about, uh,
six weeks, right?
I think so.
Yeah.
We can have sex now.
Yeah, that's right.
Good.
Good.
[urine trickling]
- Oh.
- Oh, my...
Uh...
Seriously, Fred?
♪ rock music ♪
♪♪♪
- Hey, get away from her!
- [man] Give me your purse!
♪♪♪
Better run.
♪♪♪
Ester, are you okay?
♪♪♪
[yells]
[breathing heavily]
Keep your wet dreams
to yourself, son.
Saw an old lady get shot
at the Ashcroft bus stop
last night.
Who hasn't been shot
at that bus stop?
I wanted to help her.
It happened so fast.
Bus driver wouldn't stop.
If you made ten bucks an hour,
you wouldn't stop either.
You know, the streetlights
were out.
We have streetlights?
Yeah, she said they were out
for the past 15 years.
No surprise there.
Why doesn't the city
fix them?
[laughs]
Oh, that's adorable.
Can I wear this tank top?
That's not a tank top.
It will be now.
♪ upbeat music ♪
Go for Liam.
If you want Todd,
you're gonna have
to go through me.
His manager, that's who.
State your business.
Tell me what time
practice is,
and I'll get him there.
No, no,
that's not what I said.
- Okay, bye.
- [tires screeching]
♪♪♪
Debbie Gallagher,
get out here right now!
♪♪♪
Uh-oh. Okay.
I'll be right back.
Shh.
[Pepa] Debbie Gallagher,
come get your kid!
♪♪♪
Hey, Pepa.
What's going on?
Supposed
to pick her up tonight.
Yeah, well,
here's your demon child.
She set my couch on fire,
ate a pound
of raw hamburger meat,
and bit off the tip
of my son's middle toe.
Oh, my goodness.
That does not sound like
my sweet Franny bear at all.
Cut the horseshit, Debbie.
You know, you're the worst
mother on the planet.
You don't think
that's kind of cruel?
No, I don't think.
Here's your death benefit
money.
I never wanna see you
or your Children of the Corn
daughter ever again.
Don't be a stranger, Pepa!
You're welcome back
for dinner sometime!
Hey, what was all that about?
- And who is this?
- [Debbie] Derek's wife, Pepa,
tried to screw me
out of Derek's death benefit,
so Bella over here
was pretending to be Franny
so I could get my share
of Derek's money.
I followed none of that,
and I'm too tired to care.
[Debbie] Here.
Hi!
Come here.
Good girl.
Right there.
Bella!
We're not at Pepa's house
anymore.
We don't eat
like animals here.
Spoon.
[liquid pouring]
[pounding at door]
Yeah.
Got some of Mickey's shit.
He here?
Uh, upstairs, probably.
Who's she?
Milkovich.
Sandy, I think.
Cousin--no, uh,
half sister or...
oh, something.
How many of them are there?
It's hard to know.
You know, when I was
with Mandy,
they were always showing up
paroled, evicted,
on the run from the cops.
Not usually that cute.
Really, her?
[footsteps tapping]
I saw some stuff.
Shit's gotta change.
What happened to him?
I don't know.
Not a clue.
I'm still trying
to catch up on your
Derek-dead-wife-Bella story.
Close.
This everything?
As much as I could find.
Hey, anybody, uh,
kind of...brown come around
the house looking for me?
No.
Good.
How is everyone, anyway?
[laughs] Same.
Your brothers are idiots.
Least once a week,
one of them gets drunk,
crawls into my bed,
and tries to get something
off of me.
Fuck 'em,
chop their nuts off
next time they try it.
Or I could stay here with you.
Have fun like we did
when we were kids.
Jeez!
You know that's messed up,
right?
Not like we're related.
We are totally related.
We're fucking cousins!
And you're gay.
Fine, whatever.
Plus, he's taken.
Oh, right, you.
Yeah, good to see you too,
Sandy.
Bathroom's all yours.
Hey, I had shampoo
and shit.
Is there soap anywhere?
You've been gone for years.
You think your brothers
would save that shit for you?
You can use mine.
We'll hit Costco later.
- I'm getting paid.
- I can't, man.
PO texted me
when you were in the shower.
He's got a job for me.
Give me a list
of shit you need
and I'll pick it up for you.
Isn't that cute?
Little domestic bitches.
Mm, thank you!
I shut the stove off
before we left, right?
I'm sure you did.
You're sure as in
you know for a fact,
or you're sure as in
you're trying to shut me up?
The second one.
Should I go back and check?
No!
Worst-case scenario,
our house explodes
and we collect
a ton of insurance money.
We have insurance, right?
No.
Ah, you're late!
[Kev] Jesus!
What, you guys camp out here?
[Kermit] I did.
I'll take a beer
and shot of anything.
Same.
[Kev] Have I even turned
the lights on yet?
Don't need to see.
I know where my mouth is.
We left Billy here
last night?
Ah, barely even notice him
sitting there anymore.
Me neither.
He's like a piece of furniture.
I'm gonna get you a shot
on the house, all right, Billy?
For a free shot,
I'd get locked in here.
Here you go, Billy.
I'm sorry about that, buddy.
[body thuds]
That didn't sound good.
Billy!
Oh, my God, he's dead.
I touched a dead guy.
[Tommy] Billy's dead?
[Kev] Feel him!
He's cold and stiff!
No!
No!
Billy, no, no, no!
Oh, he was too young
to die!
Oh, I'm gonna miss you,
old pal.
He was a good friend.
Jesus, Frank, I've never even
seen you talk to Billy.
He opened up a lot more
when it was just the two of us,
and now...
you've gone and died!
Billy, no, no.
Jeez.
Ah.
[Veronica]
Paramedics are on the way.
[Frank sighing]
I can't stay here and...
watch them zip him up!
Oh, God, Billy.
♪ upbeat music ♪
♪♪♪
I'm gonna miss you, old pal.
♪♪♪
[man] 'Sup, Frank?
[Frank] Big score.
Fresh dead guy.
♪♪♪
- [Lip] Yo.
- Shh.
[softly] Oh.
I got coffee.
And I got toast
with peanut butter or cheese.
Uh, I don't care.
Whichever one you don't want.
Yeah.
Wanna take a bite of both?
Uh, this one.
Okay.
There you go.
Wow, he's really out, huh?
Yeah.
Milk coma.
[laughs]
So, uh, you wanna do it?
Hmm?
Six weeks.
Sex.
- Yeah, let's go.
- Yeah, right.
[Tami shushing]
[shushing]
♪ light rock music ♪
♪♪♪
- Hey.
- Hey. [laughs]
Mm.
Mm. [sniffs]
Sorry.
- What is that smell?
- I don't smell it.
Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
you serious?
It smells like a...
like a truck driver took a dump
and then covered it
with vanilla body spray.
Oh.
You?
♪♪♪
Okay, the post-pregnancy
hormones
are doing crazy things
to my body.
Okay, well,
did you flush?
Yes, I flushed.
It could be Fred's poopy wipes.
Well, what did you do
with them?
I flushed them too.
You did what?
♪♪♪
[gagging] Oh, fuck.
They're supposed
to be flushable.
Not in an R...[softly] V.
It's a septic tank.
I don't even know
what that means.
- [Lip] Oh...fuck.
- [Tami] Oh.
Mother of God.
It smells like death.
Yeah, I don't think
that's been emptied in a while.
You bought an RV
full of someone else's shit?
Yeah, I didn't think
to check the shit.
♪♪♪
Oh, fuck!
We gotta empty this.
We?
♪♪♪
I'm sorry, Ester.
[sniffles]
[Kev]
We should say a prayer.
Yeah, you should, baby.
♪ "Amazing Grace"
playing on bagpipes ♪
O Father, heavenly Father
up in the sky
who watches over us
in heaven and Earth,
we give to you
our daily bread.
Forgive us our trespasses
unto others
as we would have them
unto ourselves.
Amen.
[all] Amen.
Good job, baby.
It's all that Catholic school
that I did.
Can you tell us how he died?
Heart attack?
Uh, he looked jaundiced.
Breasts were augmented.
Uh, his veins
around his belly button
were enlarged,
swollen extremities, so...
probably cirrhosis
from all the booze you fed him.
Oh, my God.
We killed Billy.
No, we didn't.
You murdered hm.
[Veronica] Billy had free will.
He was a grown-ass man.
It was his choice to drink.
But we made the alcohol
available to him.
That's kind of what happens
in a bar, Kev.
You might as well have
handed him a loaded gun.
That's exactly what we did.
Okay.
I guess no one wants
a shot of tequila on the house
in honor of Billy, then.
Fuck that coroner.
He didn't know shit.
Yeah, what's he think,
he's a doctor?
[patrons clamoring]
♪ rock music ♪
♪ If you think
I'm gonna leave ♪
♪ That golden girl
up alone all night ♪
♪ I may have tricked myself,
she couldn't shake it ♪
♪ So I guess
you might be right ♪
♪ We're gonna keep
the lights down ♪
♪ Keep the lights down... ♪
Security, we have code orange.
Woman in the green sweatpants
heading out with merch.
Got eyes on her now.
Excuse me, miss.
Hi.
Ah, shit.
♪♪♪
Cough it up
and we're good!
Fuck you!
I didn't steal anything!
Why you running?
♪♪♪
Christ on a stick.
♪♪♪
- Get off me!
- Hey, shut your face.
I just got out of prison,
so I have no qualms
about reaching down
your throat,
through your intestines,
and out your fucking asshole
to take back
whatever you stole.
Hand it over.
Here.
Asshole.
Stole this ugly piece of shit?
What's wrong with you?
You know what?
Get up.
Now, you are gonna
hand this back
to the nice little nerd
that works at the store.
- Jesus.
- Yeah, you don't like that?
'Cause then you're gonna go
buy me a fucking Orange Julius.
♪ Let me catch my ♪
♪ Catch, come on ♪
♪ Catch, come on ♪
♪ Let me catch my ♪
♪ upbeat rock music ♪
♪♪♪
Billy, whoa.
Really, under the mattress?
♪♪♪
♪ Catch, come on ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Let me catch my ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Let me catch my ♪
Shit.
Billy Junior?
♪♪♪
Hey!
[Debbie] Hey.
Girl, congratulations!
You got that dough-re-mi!
I know. Thank you so much
for helping me.
You ready to go celebrate
with some downtown happy hour?
Yep.
Just waiting on the sitter.
[indistinct speech over TV]
I cannot tell you two apart.
I pooped in Pepa's shoes.
Good for you.
[knock at door]
Hey. Thanks for
watching the kids.
You got my goods?
- Right there.
- Sweet.
Hi, baby. I'm gonna go out
for a little while.
You're gonna listen to Stella
while I'm gone, okay?
- Okay.
- Hey.
She better be alive
when I get home.
Go get your mama's weed for me.
Now!
So why can't we just dump it
in the park?
I got a better idea.
Oh, my God.
I can still smell it back here.
You're downwind of me.
Why don't you just
get-get in the front?
All right.
Let's make a run for it, Fred.
Here we go.
All right.
[both] Go, go, go,
go, go.
[Tami]
Yeah. [sighs]
Yeah, you're right.
It is a little better up here.
Yeah.
Wait, is that where
you're gonna dump it?
Yup.
Hey, I need you on lookout.
Just make sure
those construction workers
don't see me, all right?
Okeydokey.
But hurry up, okay?
We got some sexin' to do.
Hey!
Hi, guys.
How's it going?
Any of you wanna take
responsibility for this?
Nah.
No?
You wanna look
at his face first?
Some of you look familiar.
[scoffs] Carl!
You see what's on this flyer?
Yeah.
Fish bites, soda,
and a cookie,
only $7.95.
And what do I have
in front of me?
Soda, soda, soda, soda,
cookie, cookie,
cookie, cookie.
Guess what I don't have.
Here are your fish bites,
Lori.
Yeah.
About time.
Thank you very much
for your patience,
and throwing in
an extra cookie for your wait.
Okay. Carl.
Maybe if you would get off
the phone with your bitches,
I wouldn't have angry customers
up my ass.
I'm not on the phone
with my "bitches."
I'm on the phone
with the city.
My cousin works for the city.
They have contests
to see who can answer
the least amount
of phone calls in a day.
Yeah, well, I saw an old lady
get shot last night
at the bus stop.
Streetlights were out.
It was dark.
Guy came out of nowhere.
You wanna see
a bunch of streetlights?
Come up to my place
on the North Side.
I got plenty of streetlights.
See you, what, around ten?
[woman over phone]
This is Janice,
employee number 7253.
How can I help you?
Uh, yeah, hi,
I'm calling, uh, about getting
some streetlights fixed.
What's the address?
Uh, Ashcroft and Ridgley.
Okay, South Side.
Looks like we can schedule
a work crew to come out.
All right, awesome.
When?
Next available date
is April 17th.
- April?
- Of 2022.
Wait.
People are getting shot!
Thank you for calling
the city of Chicago.
[line clicks]
This is bullshit!
City basically killed
an old black lady,
and they don't even
give two shits.
It's like she
didn't even exist.
Wasn't even on the news.
You watch the news?
I gotta do something
about this,
let everybody know
what happened.
You go, girl.
That's pretty, baby.
Okay, who wants a drink?
V, what if I clean the scum
out of the soda gun
and we serve Cokes
instead of death?
Kev, nobody
is gonna order a Coke.
That's why there's scum
in the gun.
I'll have a Coke...
...with a rum back.
[Frank] Done mourning.
Ready to drink.
This should keep me
well-lubricated
for the better part
of the day, Mr. Barkeep.
Let's...let's memorialize
Billy.
What can we say about Billy
that we don't already know?
Um, everything.
I don't know anything
about him.
He had a son
who looked just like him...
or maybe a brother.
- Um...he was a man...
- [door squeaks open]
♪ blues music ♪
♪♪♪
- ...who loved fishing.
- [Kev] What?
[Frank] He always kept
a bountiful supply
of deli meats on hand...
although his...
♪♪♪
...his living quarters
was always a mess.
So here's to Billy.
Hip, hip...
[all weakly] Hooray.
♪♪♪
That was a beautiful speech.
♪♪♪
Oh, you heard that?
[laughs] I didn't even notice
you were sitting there.
♪♪♪
Do you wanna join me?
♪♪♪
Well, I have a pretty busy day
ahead of me. Uh...
I suppose one drink
would be all right.
♪♪♪
Faye Donahue.
Enchanté.
Frank Gallagher.
You speak French?
Oui.
Un poquito.
I hope you're okay
with a 12-year
double cask Macallen.
Well...
in a pinch, it'll have to do.
[laughs]
Barkeep, two glasses, please.
Of what?
Just the glasses.
♪♪♪
Hey, pretty lady.
You can't drink
your own booze in here.
If you want scotch,
we have scotch.
I'm sorry.
I was gonna pay you
a corkage fee.
What the hell is a corkage fee?
You charge us for the alcohol
we would've bought
but are not drinking.
- This work?
- [Veronica] $40?
Sure does.
Cork away.
♪♪♪
To Billy...
and chance encounters.
[glasses clink]
♪♪♪
Mmm.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Hey, Shelly.
What's up, Sparky?
Um, I ain't got you
on the schedule today.
Came to pick up my check.
Um...I'm gonna give you this,
and I want you to run.
- What?
- Run.
Why?
Hey, look who it is!
Sparky Gallagher.
That's why.
- Here to pick up your check?
- Uh, fuck.
Mine.
What the hell, Paula?
Well, way I see it is,
your little Good Samaritan act
the other day
cost me in kickbacks
probably just about
what you make in a week,
so...you don't mind,
I'll just have you put
your Sparky Hancock
right there.
All right.
Gonna buy myself
something real purty
with this now.
[laughs]
Told you to run.
To Derek's death benefit.
[chuckles]
[mellow rock music playing]
Mm, not bad.
Right?
♪♪♪
This place is fancy.
Yeah, this is where I come
looking for all
my baby daddies.
Really, these guys?
They're rich.
And old as shit.
Just means they'll die sooner.
I'm glad I'm financially set
for a while.
No, no, no, no.
That money is not
gonna last forever.
You need to find
your next sucker now
so that when the money
runs out,
there's no break
in the cash flow.
I'm not sure I wanna have
another kid.
Don't look at it as a kid.
Look at it as a gravy train.
♪♪♪
Here we go!
Come on. Come, come on.
[emphatically] Hi.
I'm Megan,
and this is Debbie.
Oh, well.
I'm, uh...I'm Mark,
and, uh, this is Charles.
Ooh.
You're a pretty one.
Mm-hmm.
[laughs]
Hey, how's it going?
Hey, so what's going on?
Eh, preseason media day:
signing some autographs,
selling new overpriced merch,
usual.
Oh.
Lead story: the Bears
have added a meatless burger
to the menu.
Big news.
Yeah, a woman got shot
last night.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Guy came out of nowhere,
shot her in cold blood.
- Where?
- South Side.
Oh.
She white?
- Black.
- Young?
- Old.
- Celebrity?
- Grandma.
- [scoffs] You ready for me?
- [cameraman] Yeah.
- Yeah, but she was shot!
The streetlights were out
'cause the city didn't care.
You could be the first
to report on it.
I'm at Soldier Field,
where vegetarians
from across the city
are cheering.
Is it for Dickie Burke's
end zone dance?
Nope, it's the Bears'
meatless burger.
[male reporter]
Meatless burger.
That's right, you heard it.
Everyone's excited about it.
This is gonna be something
that people
are gonna talk about
for a long time.
The meatless burger
is in the stadium, folks.
You gotta get down here
soon as you can...
- [laughs]
- Stop it.
I'm serious.
It was November before I knew
I was in the wrong class.
How did that even happen?
I was a dumb college freshman,
thought I was taking
Better Orgasms:
A Woman's Study.
I'd signed up for
Better Organisms:
A Whale's Study.
Oh, my.
That is rich.
[both laughing]
What could that woman
possibly see in Frank?
[Veronica] Maybe she's blind.
And has no sense
of smell.
Kev, I've been looking,
and Billy was one
of our best customers.
God rest his soul.
No, I mean he was, like,
28 percent of our business.
Well, he used to always
buy everyone rounds.
God rest his soul.
We have a major
supply-and-demand problem
on our hands.
- Supply and demand?
- We have a lot of supply,
and Billy was much
of our demand.
We need more customers.
Well, what's wrong with us?
You drink like pussies.
We need to find
hard-core boozers.
Come on.
What if we just turned
this place into a juice bar?
- Kev!
- I'm coming.
[Faye laughs]
Tell me more about
Frank Gallagher,
the early years.
I've been doing
all the talking.
I don't know anything
about you.
Where are you from?
How did you end up
in this neck of the woods?
City put a boot on my car.
Parking tickets.
Quite a few parking tickets.
[scoffs]
Why didn't you say something
before?
I will have that off
in no time.
Do you have an in with
the transportation department?
No, I have an in
with an acetylene torch.
Oh.
Mm.
So what are we gonna do now?
Have sex.
No, I mean, yes, yes,
but what are we gonna do
when we have to go poop again?
Is this your idea of foreplay?
I'm trying to think ahead.
Uh, we can dump it out.
It's that simple.
You wanna be on top,
or should I?
- Uh, no, you can.
- Okay.
So haul buckets of crap
to a porta-potty?
Oh, yeah.
We use toilets in the house.
- All right?
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
- But walk over there
in the middle of the night
in the winter?
Hey, is there any chance
we can talk about this
after the sex?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- I'm sorry.
- Okay, that's okay.
- Let's do this.
- Yep.
[Tami] Yeah.
You have a condom, right?
No.
We need one.
You just had a baby.
Yeah, and I can have
another one.
Not while you're breastfeeding.
That's an old wives' tale.
- Are you sure?
- [laughs]
I am the ripest
I've ever been right now.
All right, well,
we can Google it,
and then if I'm right,
then, uh, I don't have
to go get a condom.
- Go ahead.
- Right.
Uh, can a woman get pregnant
while breastfeeding?
[Siri] A woman's chances
of getting pregnant
when she's breastfeeding
increase by 40 percent.
[Tami chuckles]
[door slams]
About time, man.
Your Panda Express
is getting cold.
Hey, you wanna know
what I bought from Costco?
I don't know.
Soap, hopefully.
Nothing.
You know why?
Why?
Eat your Szechuan beans.
Paula took
my fucking paycheck.
What?
Something about me owing her
for kickbacks or some bullshit.
That's what POs are like, man.
Sooner you accept it,
the sooner
shit won't bother you.
Okay, okay.
Easy for you to say.
You have do-gooder Larry.
Look, look,
Paula's whole job
is to make your life
miserable.
Your job is to not
let it bother you.
Or I could kill her.
Yeah, great plan.
End up back in the joint.
No, I think
it might be worth it.
I don't know if I can handle
two more years
of this fucking bullshit.
Chill your fucking tits
and eat your noodles, man.
Let's talk
about something else.
[Paula] Fellas!
Hey!
How's it going?
Is that Sbarro?
Love me some Sbarro.
Mmm!
What is this?
You stalking me now?
No, not here for you.
Uh-uh.
So that leaves just
one other person at this table.
That's too fucking bad.
You ain't my PO,
Lollipop Guild.
Let's get out of here,
get some Pinkberry.
That's the rub.
I made a little arrangement
with Larry, so sit.
You're mine now.
Wait, what?
It's never good
in a relationship
when one partner
has a soft PO.
This took a lot of effort
on my part
to make this happen.
Had to have dinner
with Larry and his wife
at the Olive Garden.
Ugh, those kids.
One of them's into magic.
Kept making the breadsticks
disappear.
I wanted to tell him,
"That's not a trick.
You're just a fat fuck,"
but whatever.
Anyway, Larry switched with me,
so...you're welcome.
Why would you do that?
I never had
a Milkovich before.
Always wanted one.
So I seized the opportunity.
All right, I got
a two-person job for you guys,
so let's finish up
with this lunch,
and we're all gonna skedaddle
on out of here, okay?
Grab one more
of those headsets too, okay?
Come on, guys.
Still think I should chill
my fucking tits?
Fuck.
[indistinct shouting
and commentary over TV]
So who are you guys again?
Stella and Bella.
So...you like to party?
Family, this is
my new friend Faye.
Hello.
Franny, you know where Mommy
keeps her torch?
That's not Franny.
She's Bella.
Who the hell's Bella?
I don't know.
She know
where Debbie's torch is?
It's in the kitchen,
next to the dryer.
You know how to use that?
Eh, you-you flip a switch.
It's like a cigarette lighter.
Okay.
That girl Stella in there
is trying to hook up with me.
Cool.
Lucky you.
What do I do?
Take her up to your room.
Dim the lights.
Strike a manly pose.
Put on some sexy music,
like Barry White.
[door clicks open and shut]
This is little Westin.
He's my eighth grandchild.
Wow.
Eight of them.
Uh, 13, actually.
I haven't showed you the rest.
- Hmm.
- Henry here,
he is my Charlotte's oldest.
Now, you can tell
from his eyes
he's a little special needs-y.
[Megan] Oh, my God,
these are so cute.
[Charles] He's ten.
He's ambidextrous
and is a whiz at video games.
He still holds
the highest score in Pac-Man.
[Mark] Hey, kids.
What do you say we, uh...
we take this party
up to our rooms?
Yes.
Wow, that sounds like a...
a wonderful idea.
Debbie?
[Megan] Oh, you know
what we could do?
We could get some
chocolate-covered strawberries
and some champagne.
They have, like, the best
chocolate-covered strawberries
at this hotel.
Hannah!
Hannah, it's me,
Debbie Gallagher.
Hey, uh, this is
my mom's best friend.
I'm gonna say hi.
I'll meet you guys up there.
Hey.
[whispering] Please save me
from this old guy
and go with this.
Debbie?
Oh, my goodness!
You look wonderful.
[Megan]
Are you guys in a suite or...
[elevator bell dings]
Okay, he's getting
in the elevator,
and now he's gone.
- Oh.
- [laughs]
Thank you.
Uh, I'll leave you alone now.
The least I could do
is buy you a drink
and tell you my real name.
Sure.
[singsongy] Condoms, condoms,
where are...you?
How the fuck are there
no condoms in here?
♪ I've heard people say that ♪
[smooth R&B music playing]
♪ Too much of anything
is not good for you, baby... ♪
Liam?
Hey, I'm giving you
full warning.
I'm coming in there,
all right?
Ah, fucking...
All right, look,
I-I don't want to be seeing
what you're doing,
but I also don't want you to be
doing what you're doing, so...
[Liam]
We're not doing anything.
You can open your eyes.
Thank God.
All right.
Whoa, hey, whoa,
what's-what's going on here?
Think she's stealing
my stuff.
Just borrowing.
Hey, w-have you seen, uh,
any condoms anywhere?
No.
Wait.
Here, they have
a whole bowl of them
at the group home.
♪ Oh, some things
I can't get used to... ♪
Thank you.
♪♪♪
[woman] Here.
Right here, right here!
Hey!
Hey.
When'd you get back?
Few days ago.
Gotta get back next week.
What are you doing here?
I wanna get
some streetlights fixed.
Need your help.
Aren't we mad
at each other?
Are we?
Well, we're weird
with each other.
Can we not be weird
so we can save some lives?
Why don't you ask your
Mexican friend Anne for help?
She moved.
Oh.
Plus, this is more your thing.
I don't know.
Oh, come on,
you cheated on me
and almost gave me the syph.
Said we could save lives?
Yeah, but we're gonna need
another person.
Who's one of the richest
bitches you play with?
Uh...
[Kelly scoffs]
Yep.
[laughs]
And as many of you know,
I was scared to go
to my family reunion
'cause of all the alcohol
that was gonna be there,
but then I realized
I didn't have to go.
And that was
the best decision I made, so...
thank you.
[applause]
Thank you, Kendall.
Who would like to share next?
[Veronica] I'll go.
Hi.
I'm, uh...
Teronica.
- [all] Hi, Teronica.
- And I'm an alcoholic...
...which really
isn't a bad thing
in the whole scheme
of life, right?
[laughs]
Anyway, I used to go
to this bar,
The, uh, Alibi.
The most delicious drinks.
A sea breeze--
that was my jam.
Oh, I loved the sound
of the ice
dropping into the tumbler,
then hearing
that ice crack
as the vodka poured over it.
And the juice!
Oh, so fresh.
Oh, boy, do I miss The Alibi,
over on Ogden Street,
open from 10 a. m.
to 2 a. m.
Anyway...that's all.
Thank you.
[applause]
That place sounds amazing.
[Jennie] Would you like
to go next?
Yeah, sure.
Uh, hello.
My name's...Tevin.
[all] Hi, Tevin.
All right,
Sparky Junior,
put your headset on.
You're going in,
right there.
That looks like
a fucking crack den.
Which is why I don't want
to go in there myself.
Need you to apprehend
a parolee
who's gone off the grid.
Great.
Keep the motor running.
Come on.
[clicks tongue]
[Tami] This'll work?
[Bob]
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You just wait till after dark,
and you dump the tank
in the sewer.
All right.
Thanks, Pops.
[sighs]
What are you doing, Tami?
Meaning?
Living in an RV
with this guy?
Well, his name's Lip.
Look, it's just not
what I imagined
for your life, kiddo.
Then good thing
you don't have to live it.
There's plenty of room
at the house.
Move back in.
[sighs]
[Tami]
[sighs] Don't hold back.
Why don't you tell me
what you really think?
Hey!
Hey, what's going on,
Mr. Tamietti?
How's it going?
Uh, I called my dad to see
if he could help us
hook up to the sewer system.
[Bob]
Yeah, you just lift up
the manhole when the, uh,
septic tank gets full,
and, uh, run the PVC.
Great, good.
Thanks, yeah.
Nice RV.
Yeah, yeah, it's good.
Uh, it needs some work,
but, you know...
...it's good.
So does this mean I can flush
Fred's wipies now?
- Right?
- [both] No, no.
No.
♪ rock music ♪
♪♪♪
All right, I'm outside
apartment 407.
[Paula] Okay.
Go get him, tiger.
His name's Caleefa.
Get him how?
And don't call me tiger.
Uh, you'll think
of something.
[Mickey]
Great.
He's gonna get shot
up there.
[shushing]
[whispering]
Stay positive, soldier.
♪♪♪
- [Caleefa] Yeah!
- Hey, it's your neighbor.
I got some, uh,
T-Mobile phones.
Fell off the back of a truck.
You want in?
What?
T-Mobile phones.
- Mm, how much?
- Twenty bucks each.
Uh, let me see 'em.
Down in the truck.
You better not be fucking
with me.
Babe, I'll be right back.
[Paula] Did you get him?
You got Caleefa?
- Is that Paula?
- Fuck's sake.
Oh, you fucking rat!
I'm sorry!
I had no choice!
I'm not going back to her!
Says you.
[both grunt]
[grunts]
Shit, fuck.
[grunting]
♪♪♪
I got him.
Let me go, douchebag.
Come on!
[Paula] Okay, drop him
out the window.
I'm on, like, the third floor.
[Paula] Good.
Let's see if he bounces.
Come on, go Milkovich
on him.
What's she saying?
You don't wanna know.
Don't make him do that.
[Mickey] Why don't you just
come on up here
and cuff him?
Mm, no can do.
I see an open window
right there.
Get ready to do
some of your ambulance shit,
'cause we're gonna have
a real live emergency
here in a second.
[Ian] Mickey, listen, you
don't have to do that, okay?
- [Paula] Five, four, three...
- [Ian] She's bluffing.
...two, one.
[screams]
- [glass shatters]
- [breathlessly] Oh.
[alarm blaring]
Get your kit.
[laughs]
Mm.
Do you think that your friend
is pregnant by now?
It's been, like, an hour.
She must be, right?
[both laugh]
You didn't want
to get knocked up too?
Mm, hell no.
She was trying to get me
to take a test
to see if I was ovulating
so we could have babies
at the same time.
Oh, that is
some mastermind trickery
going on there.
Felt kind of bad.
She was trying to trap them.
Oh, don't. They know
what they're here for.
What are you here for?
Oh, I was hoping to have a...
good conversation
with a nice woman.
Looks like I hit the jackpot.
Do you wanna go upstairs?
We could kick off these heels,
raid the minibar,
and check out the view.
Yes, I do.
[chuckles]
[distant sirens wailing]
Okay, so yeah,
we'll just wait here,
and the shuttle van
will pick us up.
Can't believe we're going
to a secret Lizzo concert.
It's so dark.
I'm a little sketched out.
I like it.
It's urban.
[horns honking]
[camera clicking]
Let's post an Insta Story.
- Yeah?
- Okay.
[clears throat]
♪ I just took a DNA test ♪
♪ Turns out
I'm a hundred percent ♪
[both] ♪ That bitch
even when I'm crying crazy ♪
♪ Yeah, I got boy problems,
that's the human in me ♪
♪ Bling, bling,
then I solve 'em ♪
♪ That's the goddess in me ♪
Yo, bitches,
give me your purses!
- [Kelly] What the fuck?
- [Amber] Oh, shit.
I told you
this place was sketchy.
- We're gonna die!
- I don't wanna die!
- [gunshots]
- [both scream]
Shut the fuck up!
Is that a real gun?
Did I just get shot?
Give me your purses,
you little rich bitches!
[Amber] Take it!
Take my watch too.
It's a Rolex.
[exhales deeply]
Thank God I'm alive.
I mean we're alive.
[laughs weakly]
There's nothing sexier
than watching a man
use a torch.
[laughs]
Then for you, Faye,
I shall never cease.
You order from the Greek Hut?
Indeed we did.
Think I almost got it.
[air hissing]
[laughs]
Well...
that's one way
to get the boot off.
You are a breath
of fresh air.
Forget the tire.
Let's go to my place
and eat this Greek food.
Sounds good to me.
After you.
Oh, I don't think
you're gonna drive anywhere
on that tire.
Don't need to drive.
This is my place.
The Rolls-Royce?
You live in your car?
Indeed I do.
♪ smooth music ♪
♪♪♪
You coming?
♪♪♪
I am stunningly confused
right now...
but utterly intrigued.
♪♪♪
[Kermit] I'll take
another gin and tonic.
How about a double?
Stop trying to upsell me, V.
You guys need to make up
for Billy being dead.
I spend my entire paycheck
here every week as it is.
Guys, let's try my new
strawberry banana smoothie,
right?
Kev, stop.
This is a bar.
What is a bar
without alcohol?
[scoffs]
- Farm?
- [Veronica] Exactly.
We're bartenders.
It's what we know.
We serve drinks.
That's what we do.
[rock music playing]
♪ Late one night... ♪
Kev, look who it is.
It's that chick
from AA.
♪ It ain't the desert,
but it'll do... ♪
Oh, shit.
I feel bad now that she's
actually here.
♪♪♪
Can I get a sea breeze,
please?
No, sorry,
we're actually out of--
One sea breeze
coming right up.
♪♪♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
♪♪♪
What have we done, Kev?
We have increased
our demand...
or our supply.
One of those two things
we've increased...
or decreased.
Hey, I've gotta get going!
[Claudia] I left you
a little something
on the nightstand.
Okay.
Holy shit.
Did you find it?
Uh, yeah.
Bye!
[sighs]
♪ spacey rock music ♪
♪♪♪
So you wanna have sex now?
Absolutely.
Yeah, you sure you don't want
to talk about sewage or...
anything like that?
No, I think I'm good.
You?
Yeah, me too.
I'm good.
Good.
♪♪♪
Good.
♪♪♪
[Carl] Yo, give me your purses!
[Kelly] I told you
this place was sketchy!
- We're gonna die!
- I don't wanna die!
- [gunshots]
- That was an excerpt
from an exclusive video
I was given tonight.
While two teenage girls
waited at a bus stop,
they were accosted
by an unknown masked assailant.
The reason
for this violent assault?
Broken streetlights.
As you can see behind me,
the city has now rushed
to repair the lights:
a little too little, too late.
Two brave girls
lucky to be alive.
I'm Gloria Johnson reporting...
You did a good thing,
Citizen Carl.
Got involved,
challenged the system,
made a change.
♪ rock music ♪
♪♪♪
♪ I've got blood
on my fingers ♪
♪ I've got mud in my veins ♪
♪ I've been through hell,
but I guess ♪
♪ That's just the price
that you pay ♪
♪♪♪
Guess who's coming with you.
[siren wailing]
You were right.
We gotta kill her.
♪♪♪