Shameless (2011–…): Season 10, Episode 6 - Adios Gringos - full transcript

What the hell?
Again?

You can't remember
what happened last week;

now you want us to remind you?

Lay off the vape,
all right?

Shit'll fuck you up.

Is Derek here?

- Derek is dead.
- [Carl] The death benefit.

When someone dies
in the military,

the family gets,
like, 100,000 bucks.

I'm willing to give you
1/3 of the benefit.

In return, I want
full custody of Franny.

[Veronica]
Oh, hell.

I gotta miss my meeting
with Dr. Robinson.

George is coming to my place
this weekend for a cookout.

A ton of black doctors
will be there.

Come.
It'll be good for business.

Hey, you want to hang out
during my lunch break?

I gotta meet
my parole officer.

Kibble, JoJo,

got a new friend for ya!

What's the deal
with Paula?

The deal is, you're fucked.

I'm Sarah.

- What brings you to church?
- AA.

- You?
- NMAA.

Basically a bunch of
new moms in sweat pants

trying not to
lose our shit.

Coach molested Kenny?

[Mas] A lawyer's
putting together

a class-action suit
against the city,

says we could each
get 10 grand.

You sure you
weren't molested?

I'd remember
if he touched me.

I didn't sign on
to raise your children, Frank.

Well, the joke's on you.
They're my son Carl's.

[Frank] I'll give you
30 and 15.

40 and 5.

[Anne] Got my third job
with my family business.

[Carl] You know when I said
you could stay here?

I didn't mean
your entire family.

[Anne] We thought you meant
the plural you, "ustedes."

That's why Spanish is better.

It's more specific.

♪ rock music ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Think of all
the luck you got ♪

♪ Know that
it's not for naught ♪

♪ You were beaming
once before ♪

♪ But it's not like that
anymore ♪

♪ What is this downside ♪

♪ That you speak of? ♪

♪ What is this feeling ♪

♪ You're so sure of? ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Round up
the friends you got ♪

♪ Know that
they're not for naught ♪

♪ You were willing
once before ♪

♪ But it's not like that
anymore ♪

♪ What is this downside ♪

♪ That you speak of? ♪

♪ What is this feeling ♪

♪ You're so sure of? ♪

This marks the ninth bus
arriving here in Chicago

carrying undocumented
workers from Texas.

Many observers view this
as a purely political move

designed to punish liberal
sanctuary cities like Chicago.

When reached for comment,
Texas governor--

Tamales calientes!
Tamales aquí!

Where's Franny?

I can't wait to see her.

Derek loved her so much.

Cut the bullshit, Pepa.

Derek didn't
give two shits about Franny,

- and neither do you.
- What?

I can't wait
to see how she's grown up.

I mean, with a genius like you
for a mother,

I'm sure she'll be able to read
by the time she's 15.

I know what you're doing.

What am I doing?

You think I'd rather
lose my fair share

of Derek's death benefit
than let you have Franny.

Joke's on you, bitch.

Franny will be there tomorrow
on time as scheduled.

And, as per our agreement,

I want my check
posthaste.

And I'll want Franny
to call me "Mom."

Hey.

Where you think
you're going?

Just taking the infirmary
biowaste trash

to the truck, like always.

[guard]
Not today.

Budget crunch.
Biowaste truck service

and a whole bunch
of other shit cancelled

immediately.

So what you want me to do with
all this medical waste then?

This shit deadly, boss.

Even the AIDS in
this thing got AIDS.

Just dump it
in the incinerator.

Call it a day.

- Incinerator?
- [guard] Yep.

Burn all that shit up.

I'll escort
you over there.

- [loud banging]
- [Mickey] Hey, there!

Get me the fuck outta here!

Hey...

Found it.

I don't keep money
in there anymore, Frank,

not after last time.

You kids got any
formal wear with soul?

All of this stuff looks like
the garb of a colonizer,

and I got a follow-up
with the Okafurs.

Aha.

A little cultural awareness

on my side of the table
can't hurt.

Are you busy today?

I'm gonna help Todd
edit his highlight reel--

So no.
Congratulations.

I hereby appoint you
the Gallagher

special diplomatic
envoy to Nigeria.

Your first duty:
help me sell a baby.

Hey, you think maybe
we went a little overboard?

I mean, well, it is summer.

[Tami] Well, I guess
I could take off the parka.

- [Lip] Yeah.
- [Tami] Okay.

[Lip] All right.

What?

What?
No, I'm--

I'm happy
we're doing this together.

Me too.

All right.

There they are.

They're gonna hate me.

What?

Why did I agree
to this again?

Hey, look, you'll be fine.

All right?

I'll make the intro,
then I'll take off.

You can connect mom-to-mom.

You know, just...

share your mom stuff.

Hey, everybody!

- [woman] Oh, hey!
- [woman] Hey.

[Lip] Hey, what's going on?

- [Lip] How you doing, Sarah?
- [Sarah] Hi.

- [Lip] Hey, what's up?
- Hey!

[Lip] Hi, hi, hi, hey.
Hey, guys.

Hey, everybody, uh,
this is Tami.

This is Tami.
She is my, um...

She's Fred's mom.

[Sarah] So good to see you,
Tami.

Hi.

All right, so, uh...

You know,
I'm gonna get going.

Yeah!
Get outta here, will ya?

- She's in good hands.
- [Lip] Okay, all right.

I'll see you later.
Have fun.

All right?
Have fun.

You mad at me
or something?

No.

Mad at myself
for crushing on you.

You have a crush on me?

Calmate,
past tense.

Why?

Um, Kelly?

Yeah, but having Kelly around

just made me realize
how much I like you.

We're keeping it strictly
business from now on.

And we gotta
get out of your house.

You were only being nice to us
so you could get in my pants.

- Where will you go?
- I don't know.

Our block is still
crawling with ICE dudes.

Sent a couple tios
over there to check it out,

and they got picked up.

Might have to live on the
streets for a little bit.

Like, be homeless?
Anne, come on.

We'll be fine.

[indistinct chatter]

What's going on?

He says we can't
sell here no more.

Okay?

♪ Western music ♪

♪♪♪

[whistles]

♪♪♪

[Anne] Hey!
Hey.

Hey!
Stop!

Stop it!
Stop!

Let me go!

[Carl]
Come on, tactical retreat.

Live to fight
another day.

[smashing, items clattering]

V, I think I hit
the pedophile motherlode.

It's basically a how-to list,

step-by-step instructions.

You taking on a new hobby
I should know about?

What?
No, no, no.

This is for Coach Dickey's
kid-diddling lawsuit.

I got a meeting
with the lawyer,

and if I can convince her
to have me join the case, boom!

We'll be cashing
fat settlement checks

like the rest of the team.

Fake it till you make it, baby.

First he gained my confidence.

Then he touched my knee.

And finally,
he tickled my dick.

I don't know if I should say
"dick" or "penis."

I don't know.

Pears and cranberries?

What are you making?

Potato salad.

- You sure?
- Yes.

This is for
the sophisticated palates

of Chicago's
most esteemed doctors,

not some hillbilly
who thinks that Vienna sausages

and saltines is an acceptable
dinner for children.

I put Arby's sauce on it.
The girls loved it.

Will you get out of my kitchen?
I need to focus.

I don't wanna fuck up
these conversions.

goop recipes are all in grams
and milliliters and shit.

I'm a good girl.

Yeah, I know.

'Cause your mama's done
a very good job

teaching you
right from wrong.

But tomorrow, I need you
to be a very bad girl

when we go to that mean ol'
witch Pepa's house, okay?

You could get a big knifey

and you could
poke the puppy with it

till it goes "ouchie"
and bleeds,

or you could take a big
old poopy on her bed, hmm?

I'm a good girl.

Come on, Franny,
you gotta work with me.

I'm a good girl.

Know anywhere I could get
a redheaded toddler for rent?

Well, if you attended
the local ginger club meetings

like I asked you to,

you'd know a dozen
redheaded toddlers by now.

I'm serious, Ian.

I negotiated Pepa
down to partial custody

in exchange for
some of Derek's death benefit,

but I can't stomach
the thought of that bitch

having one second
alone with Franny.

So you wanna pass
off a fake Franny?

Preferably one
horrible enough

that she'll drop the
custody fight altogether.

But apparently
I've raised a great kid.

She'll totally wanna
keep her.

[Ian] Yeah,
never gonna happen.

Pepa'll know
it's not her.

People are super
racist against redheads.

They think we all look alike.

Frank calls me "Ian,"
like, twice a week.

Okay.
Uh, well,

you can try
the Girls & Boys Club

or a group home.

Those kids
are pretty screwed up.

Anyway,
I gotta get to work.

Since when
do you have a job?

Well, it's less of a job
than a Medicare scam

I'm being forced into
by my corrupt parole officer.

Gay Jesus to insurance fraud?

Yeah.
Prison really reformed me.

See you guys.

Inmate Milkovich.

Gotta hand it to you.

One hell of an escape plan.

Hey, imagine if you could
actually manage a budget, huh?

I'd be home right now
knocking back a cold one.

The sheer fortitude to climb
into medical biowaste.

You know, we've had
cases of the plague in here,

actual medieval Black Death,

and nine strains
of flesh-eating bacteria

in the C block showers too.

What can I say?
Desperate times.

What kind of dumbass would go
to those lengths to escape

when they're already free?

Yeah, that's right,
free.

Your cooperation
with the prosecution

in the El Chapo case,

that got your name jumped

right to the top
of the release list.

Guess that, uh,

makes us all done here, huh?

Heard through the grapevine

that the Calderón cartel's

excited to welcome you
back to the world.

As you see,
we are well prepared

to welcome a baby
into our home.

This is your home?

Gotta say,
I was expecting something

a little more rustic.

We live in Minneapolis,
Mr. Gallagher.

God has provided us
with everything

except for the blessing
of a child.

When can we see
the baby again?

Well,
there's still the issue

of the outstanding
application fee.

$500.

Thank you.

Well, I'm very excited to
continue the adoption process.

Unfortunately, it might take
a little bit longer.

There are
other applicants,

so due diligence on my part
is a must.

In order
to expedite things,

it'd be very helpful
to have a room on site.

We can get you a room.

[Frank]
A suite would be best.

And let's leave the tab open,

in case the baby
wants some room service.

The appetite on this kid,
I gotta tell ya.

There's no way we're getting
run off our own block

by Chicano Woody
from Toy Story.

You shoulda let me
kick their asses.

Look, the enemy
may have won the battle,

but tactical precision will
guarantee us ultimate victory.

[speaking Spanish]

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about war, people,

and war is hell.

But lucky for all of you,
I almost passed

my battle strategy
class at military school.

Let's see.
I suggest a counterattack.

What, there were, like,
three or four of those guys?

Last I checked,
there were a million of you.

Let's use that to our advantage
and strike back.

We are cooks, not fighters.

[Carl] Trust me,
overwhelming force.

Ever heard of
shock and awe?

Operation Iraqi Freedom?

Worked out pretty great
for America, don't you think?

Won the war and got to kick it
in Iraq for 20 years.

Look, you don't wanna get
run off your own block.

Well, this is
how you get it back.

All right,
I want everybody

to go grab something sharp
or heavy.

Let's roll!

- [Val] Mr. Ball?
- Yeah.

Have a seat.
She'll be with you shortly.

Um...

Will there be a physical?

This is a lawyer's office.

No, right,
of course.

I just meant for the case,

if she needs to see my...

I'll show myself
to a seat.

Kevin Ball,
backup center, '94.

Coach tickled my dick.

[metal clattering]

Súbito.

[Lip] Hey.

Hey, how'd it go?

Fine.

That's it, "fine"?
Hi.

[Fred cries]

That accurately describes
how it went: fine.

[Lip] Ugh.

What's up?
Is something wrong?

[Tami] Uh, what, you mean
besides the fact that

you dragged me to the park
to show off

all the groupies
you've been hooking up with?

I'm--I'm not
hooking up with anyone.

Really?
What about Sarah?

- No.
- [laughs]

Come on, Lip.

I saw the arm squeeze.

- Arm squeeze?
- Yeah.

[overlapping chatter]

The arm squeeze,

a move reserved
for someone you've fucked

or someone you want to fuck.

Right, well,

Sarah and I
are just friends.

Yeah.
What's her deal?

What, she's got a boyfriend,
married, single?

Um, she's divorced,
I think.

Divorced?

- Yeah.
- [laughs] Yeah.

Oh, yeah, no, she doesn't
want you at all.

She gets it.

Yeah?

She doesn't even understand
what I'm saying,

but she gets it.

Because women know.

- [Fred crying]
- Like, we all know.

Right.

Look, Lip, you don't
have to lie to protect me.

Okay, you don't have
to protect me at all.

You know, we can co-parent
and still do our own thing.

- Sure, sure.
- I'm not the jealous type.

But you know
what will piss me off

is being lied to like I'm dumb,
because I'm not.

- No, no.
It's just, um...

When he's upset like this,

he doesn't really
wanna be bounced.

It's more like you--
you want to

put his head
on your shoulder

and then you kind of
want to rock him--

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Parenting tips?
- Well...

- Really? Okay.
- Hey, buddy.

- Why don't you go to Daddy?
- Hey.

Yeah, 'cause Daddy knows
how to do everything.

Hey, hey, hey.
Tami.

Hi, there.

I'm at the website
for your group home,

and I see diversity statistics

for several different
minority groups,

but there's no category
for redheads.

Seems like an oversight.

Actually,
redheads are a minority,

and it's statements
like yours

that are a reason that hair-ism
is a na--

Hello?

Hello?

♪ Western music ♪

♪♪♪

Shit.

I need off the bus.

Open the door and don't stop.

Open the goddamn door!

[door squeaks]

[grunting]

♪ rock music ♪

♪ So let me be clear ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Whoo! ♪

♪ You ain't seen nothing ♪

♪ Whoo! ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Whoo! ♪

[tires squeal]

♪ Whoo! ♪

♪♪♪

Holy moly!

That spill you took back there!

Are you okay, Mr. Milkovich?

[Mickey]
Who the hell are you?

Sorry.
I'm Larry, Larry Seaver,

and I have the honor
of being your parole officer.

You're my parole--

The fuck
you chasing my bus for?

Oh, I wasn't chasing you.

I was gonna meet you at the
next stop, offer you a ride.

A ride?

Look.

We're in this thing together,
okay?

Excuse me.
Can I answer any questions?

Oh, no, I'm just
window-shopping, thanks.

Actually, can I ask about
your return policy?

If a foster parent
wants to end an arrangement,

we will accept the child back
with open arms.

Excellent.

Can I ask about, uh,
this little one?

That's Bella.
Over there.

Nice.

She have any major
behavioral issues

or anything keeping her
from being adopted?

No, actually,
she's very sweet.

But her sister Stella
on the other hand...

We have a policy
of not splitting up siblings,

so if you're
interested in Bella,

you have to take Stella too.

Come.

Hi!

Hi, Bella.

How would you like
to come and play

with my daughter, Franny,
and I tomorrow?

We're really nice.

You a pervert or just
a garden-variety retard?

Girls usually
aren't pedos,

but I've seen weirder things
in foster care.

Excuse me, little girl.

I'm neither a pedo
nor dumb.

[Stella] You sure about
the dumb part?

See, you can't honestly
think you'll be able

to walk out of here with
my little sister by tomorrow.

And why not?

Because there's a process,
idiot:

paperwork, background checks.

I can get Bella off-site,

deliver her
anywhere in the city.

Fee is five LOL Dolls,
one pound of gummy bears,

and a jug of birthday cake
flavored vape juice.

I'm not paying you off.

Suit yourself.

Price goes up in an hour.

♪ hip-hop music ♪

♪ And you've seen
what I've seen ♪

♪ You know what I mean ♪

♪ Know what I mean,
know what I mean? ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Look around when you're
all in your own light ♪

♪ Nobody, no thing
you can hold tight ♪

♪ Sunny days
turn to cold nights ♪

♪ Sunny days
turn to cold nights ♪

Veronica.

Girl, I'm glad
you could make it.

Girl, you couldn't pay me
to miss this.

Mm.

Look at all
these beautiful,

highly-educated,
wealthy black people.

All doctors?
I love it.

For real,

I could cry,
I'm so proud right now.

Oh, spare me the bullshit.

Girl, I like you 'cause
you keep it real.

You're here to sell,
and I'm here to help you.

So let's introduce you
to some folks

and see if we can't get these
Gluvandia scripts to pop off.

Okay, you're gonna wanna
start off with Dr. Livingston.

She's an easy mark.

Mm, now, Dr. Washington's
a bit trickier

so wait till he's drunk.

Trust me,
he gets white boy wasted.

At that point, he'll
prescribe bacon to a pig.

Well, I better
get that man a drink then.

Yes.

- Uh, and yes.
- Thank you very much.

[laughs]

If your insurance company
asks,

you died three times,
saw the light,

said "Fuck you, Grandma.
I got more livin' to do."

And when you woke up,
we'd used every medical supply

in here
to keep your ass alive.

Got it?

- [pills rattle]
- [Ian] What's your flavor?

Percs, please.

Three down.

One more and that's lunch.

How about sushi?

I never got that.

Sushi in Chicago
in the summertime?

We're nowhere near the ocean.

Yeah, we are,
Lake Michigan.

You know what?
I'm gonna take a turn driving.

[woman]
Is it the baby?

[man]
Pregnant lady, she needs help.

[speaking indistinctly]

Hey, everything all right?

[Jolene] Whoa!
What are you doing, man?

Someone needs help.

Who cares?
That's not our job.

We just run the play.
That's it.

No, Paula's not gonna like it.
Get back in the bus.

Come on.

[Ian] How long's she
been like this?

[man] We just found her
like this.

Do you know if
she's having contractions?

- [man] I don't know.
- [Ian] You don't know?

Grab a gurney.
Help me load her up.

Now!

Okay, but you're gonna take
the heat from Paula

on this one alone.

[Lynn] I can't imagine
how you must feel,

living with this trauma
for all these years.

Yes, it's been
quite difficult.

Well, I'm eager to get you
the compensation you deserve.

I don't wanna
get your hopes up

because it's just a coach.

Now, if we were talking about
a priest in the church

or a bishop

or the Holy Grail,
a cardinal...

[chuckles]
Forget about it.

Six figures, guaranteed.

As it stands,
we should be able to get you

just north
of rapey uncle money.

It's not much
but hopefully enough

to ease the pain a little.

So whenever you're ready,

why don't you tell me
about your time

with Coach Lou Dickey?

Well,
it wasn't that great,

I can tell you that much.

I came off the bench,

and I had starter-level talent,
for sure.

And when I would play
the game, I played center,

but I always saw myself

- more of a stretch four--
- Sorry.

Uh, maybe I wasn't clear.

I meant can you tell me about
the abuse you endured?

Right. Right.
Yeah, of course.

The no-no touch.
Sure.

First, he gained my trust.

He filled my familial needs.

He gauged the level of threat.

And then he--

Uh...
He, um...

[sobs]

[sobs]

I'm sorry.

It's just that--

I just--

[sobs]

Excuse me.

[sighs]

And then he finally
tickled my--

vigorously molested
my genitals.

I mean, he got
all the way up in there.

You know what I mean?

[sighs]

That's...

a start.

But for this to work and for
you to be added to the case,

we need details,

concrete facts,

dates, times,
specific acts of molestation

in your own words.

[sobbing]

But I had to have
an emergency C-section

to give birth to his son.

And while I'm in the hospital,
fighting for my life,

he's out there being a playa.

Fuck that.

Oh, my God,
and the arm squeeze!

This?
Hmm?

That means
"I'm open for business"

in any language, right?

[sighs]
He's just--he's so arrogant,

acting like
he doesn't even notice it,

like I'm just some dumb bitch
in his new-mom harem

that he can string along 'cause
I'm gonna believe every word

that comes out of his
pouty little mouth.

You think I should go out,
don't you,

find a guy, hook up?

Yeah.

How can you just sell someone?

What exactly do you
think you're doing

with your basketball buddy
Todd?

College recruiters are gonna
put literal bids on him.

He turns pro,
who's he work for?

Owners.

Bought and sold,
my friend.

Bought and sold.

But this is a baby.

There's no room
for sentiment in business.

Remember that.

When you negotiate
with feelings, you lose.

And how about we stop
talking about this as a sale?

That debases it.

It's more about opportunity.

Opportunity?

Opportunities this kid
would never have

in the Gallagher household

on the South Side
of Chicago.

I wish I could have offered

this kind of opportunity
to all my children.

If I could have,
I would have sold you.

That's problematic.

I resent the implication.

I'll have you know
I tried to sell Debbie too

but nobody wanted
a baby with colic.

Then how come
it takes this long?

Why can't we just sell it
and get something to eat?

It's a marathon, Liam,

not a sprint.

In an "adoption"
or an "opportunity"

or a "straight-up baby sale,"
whatever you call it,

it's still
about the bottom line.

That's them.
Look alive.

[Liam] They seem kinda old.

[Frank] A loving parent's heart
knows no age,

and Google says
they're loaded.

They make the heads
for Barbie dolls.

So what's the plan?

Get 'em to bid against
the Africans, sell high.

But this price, though.

Covered by Medicaid.

A lot of my patients
are working-class people,

nonunion manual labor,
service industry,

too rich for Medicaid but
too poor for good insurance.

They'd have to eat a lot
of this cost out of pocket.

What about them?

Does Gluvandia have plans
for financial aid

for patients in that demo?

No, not yet,
not that i'm aware of.

Excuse me.

[hip-hop music
playing on stereo]

♪♪♪

[Dr. Lawrence]
That looks like what I saw

up one of my patient's ass

the last time I performed
a colonoscopy

plus cranberries.

[Nedra] Whoever brought
this potato salad

definitely owns a MAGA hat.

Whoever brought this

already called the cops
on this cookout.

Whoever brought this claps
on the one and the three.

Whoever brought this
doesn't use a washcloth.

Whoever brought this
doesn't even own a washcloth.

[both laugh]

♪♪♪

♪ upbeat rock music ♪

♪♪♪

[man grunting]

[cheers and applause]

Hey, hold up.

Why's this guy alone?
There should be more.

What'd he say?

He just said we're fucked.

♪ ominous Western music ♪

♪♪♪

They burned our corn husks.

They poured bleach
on our pork.

I'm sorry, Anne.

This one's on me.

Tactical error.

[man shouting distantly]
Tamales!

Compra tu tamales aquí!

Tamales caliente!

[indistinct chatter]

Tamales!

Compra tu tamales aquí!

Tamales caliente!

Compra tu tamales aquí!

- [loud crash]
- [Ian screams]

Shit.
[grunts]

God damn it.

Ah, fuck.

- [panting]
- What are you doing here?

Long story.
Ends in compassionate release.

Why'd you climb
through the window?

Bunch of fucking Mexicans
out front.

[panting]

What's that about anyway?

It's a long story.

Ends in all-you-can-eat
tamales.

Come here.

How the hell am I supposed
to know if I want to foster her

if I've never spent
alone time with her?

You're not.

But if you want an off-site
visit, we need to--

I said I would
take the sister too.

Allow me to explain.

In order to prevent
impulsive decisions

from first-time foster parents,

the state has
instituted a set

of rules and regulations
to govern adoptions.

I cannot just
let you take her.

[upbeat music
playing on stereo]

♪♪♪

[upbeat dance music
playing on stereo]

♪♪♪

Hey, girl, what you doing
over here by yourself?

[laughs]
Nothing.

Now, you better
get out there!

Mm-mm.

Mm-hmm.

Come on.

♪ Do you wanna get down? ♪

♪ What you gonna do? ♪

♪ You wanna get down? ♪

♪ What you gonna do? ♪

♪ You wanna get down? ♪

Ooh!

- ♪ Get down on it ♪
- Oh!

♪ Get down on it ♪

♪ Get down on it ♪

♪ Get down on it ♪

♪ Come on and get down on... ♪

Where are the gummy bears?

Contrary to popular belief,
I'm not actually an idiot.

Candy when you do good
on your promise.

Fair enough.

What'll it cost me
to have Bella

on her worst behavior?

The closer to criminal,
the better.

Throw in a pair of those shoes
with light-up heels,

and she'll do
anything short of murder.

Hi!

We seem to have spilled
some food on the sheets.

Could you guys change them?

Twenty minutes?

Perfect.

Huh?

Check it out.

I could do that.

Oh, big talk.

Ugh.

- Ready?
- Yeah.

♪ upbeat pop music ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm feeling it ♪

One.

- Oh, you're no good.
- ♪ Yeah, I'm feeling it ♪

- Want it?
- No!

♪ You know, I'm feeling it ♪

- [indistinct chatter]
- Hey, baby.

Want something to eat?

[laughs]

[laughing]

♪ Don't do it ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Whoo!
Don't ♪

♪♪♪

[Frank groans]

Hey.

I'm glad I didn't sell you.

- [baby coos]
- You're funny.

- Thanks.
- ♪ They think I'm lucky ♪

♪ But it's just that
I'm the bomb ♪

[water rushing]

Tami?

[Tami]
What?

You still pissed?

No.

All right, well,
you want to talk,

you know, press the reset
button or whatever?

- I can't right now.
- [Fred cries]

No?
Why not?

I'm going out to grab a drink

with Dakota
and some friends.

You're gonna wear that
to go meet Dakota?

Oh, I'm sure there'll be
some guys there too.

Wha--what fuckin' guys?

You're asking
a lot of questions

for someone
who's just a co-parent.

Uh, hey, you're cool
to watch Fred, right?

I mean, you're just--
you're so good at it.

Hey, maybe you can
have a playdate

with Sarah or something.
Yeah?

♪ club music ♪

♪♪♪

Half the stores
are out of corn husks.

The other half
won't sell to us.

Those assholes
completely cornered the market.

Might as well
take the money we got left

and go back
to Guadalajara.

Wait.

What's the plan this time?

I don't have one.

I don't have
it all figured out.

You guys do.

[speaking Spanish]

You're in a place
where everybody hates you.

You're stuck
behind enemy lines.

[speaking Spanish]

You built a business.

You stuck together.

When I look at you guys,
I think that if my family had

half the determination and
work ethic of the Gonzalezes,

maybe my dad wouldn't just
abuse opiates.

Maybe my dad
would have invented opiates.

What I'm trying to say is:

whatever you've done
to get you this far,

dig deep and do it
one last time.

[man]
Why we need meat for, huh?

Three things young,
educated white Americans love:

to date women with bodies like
little boys, to denounce God,

and to eat meals with no meat.

You seen many young,
educated white Americans

on the South Side of Chicago?

Where's the closest bougie
organic health food store?

You'd think the biggest
pop star in the world

could sniff any butthole
that he wanted.

Like, he'd just
call his manager and say,

"Send up a wide
variety of buttholes.

I'm in the mood
for some sniffing."

But he just wanted
to sniff mine.

Jesus Christ, Kev.

Enough of this shit.

Put the Sox game on.

[Kermit] Used to love the guy's
music back in the '80s.

Who woulda known
he was into kids?

Everyone.
Literally everyone knew.

[Kev] Would you excuse me,
Tommy?

I'm trying to listen.

On that world tour
back in '91,

he spent half his time
onstage

and half his time with
his nose between my cheeks,

my butt cheeks.

[Latin music playing
in kitchen]

[indistinct chatter]

♪♪♪

[Fred fussing]

[pounding at door]

- Shh.
- [quiet commotion]

[bottles clink]

[Paula] Need to talk
to Ian Gallagher.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Gallagher!

Who's asking?
Hey!

Who's asking?
Smith & Wesson.

Ah, shit.

This is a Glock, isn't it?

Ugh!
That woulda been so badass.

You get the point, though,
right?

Gallagher!

Paula, hey.

Mickey Milkovich.

You're out?

Parole?

What's it to you?

- Who's your P. O.?
- Larry.

Seaver?
[chuckles]

That anthropomorphic
slice of soggy Wonder Bread

doesn't know what to do
with a workhorse like you.

You Milkoviches are legendary,
real earners.

You.

Heard about your
Mother Teresa stunt today.

Let's go for a ride.

No, hold up.
Wait a minute.

[Fred cries]

[Paula]
A pregnant lady?

Jesus, you're soft.

Hey, it's all right.

- It's all right, buddy.
- [Fred continues crying]

Hey, hey, hey.

Mick.

[Mickey] Hey.

Jesus Christ.

Okay, look.

Just send me to prison
if you want.

I'm never just gonna walk away

from someone
dying in the street.

[laughing]

No, no, no.

No, I got zero intentions

of sending you back to prison.

Uh-uh.

I'm nowhere near
being done with you.

[dog barking]

- Come on, let's go.
- Whoa, whoa, hey.

Easy, Biscuit.
Dinner's coming, girl!

The hell is that?

Mama,
I forgot the Electric Slide.

Wait, is that...

Afro Amirah.

Badass businesswoman by day,

fashion model by night

who didn't take none
of the white man's shit.

Ah, you didn't go
anywhere without it.

Aww, why are you
showing me all this?

If you lost touch, that came
after you left my house.

My house is black.

Dom.

Dom, baby,
tell your sister-auntie

what you watching.

Alex Haley's Roots.

Mm-hmm.

You used to be that way.

Last I checked I was like

a walking black
history encyclopedia.

I even mentored Liam
on all things black, so...

Well, who was mentoring you?

Yeah, who was your community?

I just forgot
the Electric Slide.

It's not that deep.

Oh, no,
it's not?

So then what is
that potato salad about, huh?

[laughs]

You know, you been running

towards white people
for so long,

I'm surprised you
even found your way home.

Now, white friends,
white neighbors,

own a white bar,
got a white boyfriend.

After I had sex with Kevin,

I watched Ellen
the entire next week.

Ellen!
Come on, now explain that shit.

Huh.
No, baby,

you didn't forget
the Electric Slide.

You let that white boy
fuck it right out of you.

I'm just saying.

- [dog barking]
- [Ian] Fuck.

- [dog barking]
- [Ian] Jesus Christ.

[Paula] Tell me,
you gonna follow protocol?

Need to hear you say it.

- Just say it for mama.
- Fuck.

What's that?
I can't hear you.

Paula.
[grunts] Shit!

Oh, you want me
to set Biscuit loose?

- Okay.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.

Hey, hey, hey.
Okay.

Okay.
Okay, I'll do whatever you say.

Just get it away from me.

Biscuit, sit!

Good girl.

Hey.

You seen Ian?

Not since he left
with his P. O.

What's with the line?

Your baby mama's been in there
for, like, 40 minutes.

Tami?

[Tami]
Where were you?

Just taking Fred for a walk.

Is everything okay
in there?

[indistinct chatter, applause]

[Tami] Fuck off!

Hey, something happen
at the bar?

It's not about the bar.

Look, I'm trying to keep up

with the list of things
that piss you off,

but it's getting
pretty hard.

Would you care to clue me in?

You know, we can stop
playing 20 fucking questions?

[indistinct speech]

God!
It's this fucking place!

It's--it's always
crawling with relatives

or convicts
that Ian brought home

or large Latino families
that Carl brought home

or, like, whatever
Frank brought home.

And I--

you know,
I can't breathe here,

and I need space!

Fred needs space!

All right.

♪ somber music ♪

♪♪♪

Hey.

Hey, there.

You're an early riser.

Yeah.
Yeah.

Oh, don't you look at me
with those big eyes.

I know what
you're trying to do.

And trust me,
it won't work.

It's not gonna work.

No, it's not.

No, it's not.

Oh, yeah!

[baby hiccups, spits up]

Well,

that's all right.
That's all right.

Grandpappy throws up
every once in a while too.

Let's just get
you cleaned up, hey?

Easy-peasy.

♪♪♪

Finally.

You almost made me late.

But I didn't,
so quit your yappin'.

I'm hungover.

She ready?

She's gonna piss on
the family's electronics

and start
several small fires.

So, yeah, she's ready.

Sweet.

Remember,
you're Franny now.

[Pepa] Wow.

Didn't think you'd
actually show.

Here I am, and here's Franny

on time, as promised.

Okay, Franny.

Go inside.

Your new mommy
will show you

into your new house
in just a second.

[sighs]

So I guess
I owe you a check.

I guess you do.

- [loud thud]
- [distant scream]

[child wailing]

[speaking Spanish]

Franny!
[glass shatters]

What did you do?

[loud crash]

[man]
I'll take a dozen.

[man] Can't believe
these are vegan.

[man] These are fantastic.

Thank you so much.

[man] Thank you.

[man] You have green salsa?
Thanks.

[woman]
Good morning.

[Anne] Dios mio.

This is the most money
we've ever made in a day.

[sighs]

What was that for?

We'd probably be
halfway to Mexico

if you hadn't stepped in.

We couldn't have done it
without you, Carl.

[indistinct chatter]

[camera shutter clicks]

[laughs]
Thank you.

Oh, three generations
of Gallagher men.

How 'bout that?
Amazing.

There's nothing
better than this.

Mr. Gallagher,

we've enjoyed the process
so far.

But we fear we spent
more time with you

than with the baby.

Perhaps if we had
a private visit today

we may better gauge
our chemistry.

Oh, no, no.
I don't think so.

It is customary.

[Frank] But this is
a very special little boy,

and as his grandfather,
it's my duty--

What my dad
is trying to say is,

he doesn't know
what to do with himself

if he's not
caring for his grandson.

That's not really
what I was--

Maybe we can watch a movie
or something to pass the time?

Come on, Dad.

Um...

And that's when coach invited
me

on a publicity tour
for the team.

Have you ever traveled
with a powerful man?

It's intoxicating,

confusing.

A thousand eyes on him,
his eyes only on you.

One night,
backstage in his dressing room,

he put on
a single sequined glove.

I can't even tell you

what he did
with the other hand.

All I'm saying,
knife and a fork.

Simple, effective,
the right men for the job.

Ever try to eat a steak
with chopsticks?

Because it can't be done.

[indistinct murmuring]

The Chinese got a lot right:

stuffing paper in cookies,
currency manipulation, walls.

But chopsticks?

Huge swing and a miss.

That's an American
baseball reference.

[indistinct murmuring]

Maybe we should go
check on the baby.

He's fine, Frank.

You don't know that
for sure.

Nobody does.

Maybe we should keep him.

You need to
keep it together, man.

Hey, I've got it together,
my friend.

[woman]
$100,000.

Come again?

The Zhengs are willing to pay
$100,000 U. S. cash,

if they can have the baby now
and, most importantly,

no additional contact
with Mr. Gallagher

ever again

forever.

Deal.

Okay, girls, pay attention.
This is important.

Ready?

And five, six.
Five, six, seven.

To the right.
And yes, yes, yes.

That's it.
And duh, duh, duh.

That's it.

And back, back.

Put some funk on it.

And turn.

There we go.

That's good, Amy.

This way, this--
Hi, baby.

Well, looks like we're not
getting that settlement.

- What happened?
- I don't know.

The lawyer just didn't buy it,

which is crazy because
I was rock-solid believable

down to every last detail.

Aww, babe.
You wanna join us?

We're about to discuss
black liberation theology

and then watch some Martin.

[Kev] No.

I'm gonna be upstairs.

I even told them what he
made me do with the chimp.

Aww.
Get up, get up, get up.

We gotta do this.
You ready?

You shouldn't have
jumped at the offer so quick.

This is a mistake.

So I should have waited until

you screwed up
the deal entirely?

I just needed
more time is all,

which would have had
the added benefit

of allowing us
to milk these families

for all they're worth.

Reel 'em in slow.
Remember?

Yeah, I remember.

There's no room
for sentiment in business.

Get ahold of yourself.

You're a Gallagher.

Act like it!

[vacuum cleaner whirring]

Excuse me.

Where's the couple
that was staying here?

Left in a hurry.

Front desk said they needed
to get home

with their sick baby
or something.

♪ somber music ♪

♪♪♪

[Jolene] What do you want to do
for lunch?

How about a burrito?

Or Korean barbecue?

[man] Need your help!

- [Jolene] Or real barbecue?
- [man] Need some help!

[Jolene] I don't know.
You decide.

[man] Where you going?

- [woman] What are you doing?
- [man] What the fuck?

[man] Seriously, man.

This is still
on the Nigerians' bill.

Leave me alone to mourn
the loss of my grandson.

You're gonna regret
not stealing this stuff,

especially the minibar.

Well, I suppose
a little parting gift

on the kidnappers' dime
is only appropriate.

It's the least they can do.

[Lip] What do you think?

Uh...

what am I looking at?

It's our new RV.

[Tami]
You bought this?

[Lip]
Yeah.

Yeah, Debs just
came into some money,

and, uh,
she floated me a loan.

[Debbie] Yeah, Franny's dad's
a war hero.

Granted, I did think
his heroic sacrifice

and my 500 bucks

could get you something
a little better.

You said we needed
more space.

Right?
Now we have it.

I thought
you'd be happy.

Oh, my God.

- You're such an idiot.
- What?

I mean, were you even
listening to me?

Yes, I was listening,

hence the RV.

[laughs]

Well...

[scoffs]

I guess
we're living in an RV now.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Oh, hey, Debs,
can you give us a minute?

Thanks.

Look, so we're gonna
both be living in here.

We should probably come up with
some kind of system, right,

you know, in case you're
hooking up with guys,

maybe a sock on the door or--

[laughs]

There's not gonna be
any socks on the door, okay?

I totally struck out
at the bar.

The only reason I went out
in the first place

was to make you jealous,

and the only reason I wanted
to make you jealous is because,

you know,

obviously...

Obviously?

I still like you.

I--

I really like you.

So what are we?

I just agreed to move
into a shitty RV with you,

so I think we're together.

Yeah?

Yeah.

♪ rock music ♪

♪♪♪

[laughs]
What are you doing?

[Carl] I'm getting started
on tomorrow's tamales.

Where is everybody?

They're celebrating

at our new apartment.

We made enough today
to get a new place,

North Side, by
a bunch of Whole Foods.

What?
No.

I told you
we were leaving.

Yeah, but I said you could
stay long as you want.

I go where my family goes.

[scoffs]
Ay! Pinche guerro.

What's that mean?

You're a gringo.

What's that mean?

[chuckles]

You're a clueless
fucking white boy.

I can't leave without showing
you how to make a tamale.

♪ playful pop music ♪

♪ Whoo, whoo ♪

♪ Whoo, whoo ♪

♪ Whoo, whoo ♪

♪ Whoo, whoo ♪

♪ Ah-I ♪

♪ I hear the night calling ♪

♪ I take the back door ♪

♪ Out where the stars
are falling ♪

♪ I show you the world ♪

♪ Let's paint
over the writing ♪

♪ A story on the wall ♪

♪ We came
before the lightning ♪

♪ And now we want it all ♪

♪ Don't know
how far we'll go ♪

♪ These wheels
are made to roll ♪

♪ You've gotta be the soul ♪

♪ Don't stop, don't stop ♪

[Pepa] Oh, my God,
everybody get out!

Get out now!
Franny! What the hell?

[Stella] Hello, 911?

I'd like to report a fire.

[Pepa] Let me go.
Crawl to me.

Crawl to me faster!

[babies crying]

♪♪♪