Shakespeare & Hathaway: Private Investigators (2018–…): Season 4, Episode 7 - Some Cupid Kills - full transcript

I here importune
death awhile

until of many thousand kisses the
poor last I lay upon thy lips.

I am dying, Egypt.

Dying.

Give me some wine and
let me speak a little.

Oh!

Noblest of men.

Would thou die?

Hast thou no care of me?

Shall I abide in this dull world

which in thy absence
is no better than...



My asp.

Sorry, I forgot me asp.

Found it!

Ooh!

Where were we?

Dalton?

Oh hey, you're here early.

Or are you late? Ha ha! I
trust the date went well?

No, it did not.

Serial killer was he?

Well, he parked on double
yellow lines for starters.

Oh, you play with
the bad boys, you.

It gets worse.

So after the date, we
came out of the restaurant



and he tried to kiss me.

There may have been...
- Tongues?

No. An accidental headbutt.

Yeah, so went back in the
restaurant to stop the bleeding

and when we came back out, a tow
truck was towing his car away

with my handbag
and my phone in it.

What do you do on a second
date? Burn his house down?

Don't. I mean, he was so out of it he
swore that he could hear monkeys laughing.

Monkeys? Was it a brain injury?

Luckily, the tow truck man had
spotted my bag in the back of the car

popped it in the
restaurant for me

otherwise I would be stood here now talking
to you still covered in my date 's blood.

You should put
that on your dating profile.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
- What's wrong with you?

lt's me foot.

I tripped. Sprained it.

Ah yeah, very treacherous step
at the Mucky Mallard isn't there.

I was not tipsy. I tripped.

We can't all be out every night
breaking people's hearts.

And noses.

Oh, hey.

Of all of the PI Agencies

in all of Stratford-upon-Avon...

I walk into yours.

With a job for us.

From an old acting friend, we
haven't seen each other for ages.

But she 'Il only meet in
public, so we have to go.

Why are you dressed
like Humphrey Bogart?

Oh, she hasn't seen me as a Pl.

Dress to impress.

Well, you're not a PI.

You're our receptionist.

And resident style icon.

Forget
it, Jake. It's Chinatown.

Pollie!
- Sebastian!

Aw! Mwah!

It's been too long.

It's like a meeting of KGB Anonymous.

Oh Lu, Frank, this is
my dear friend, Pollie.

Hi.
Hello.

Uh, thank you for
meeting me here.

How can we help?

Well, I
uh...

I don't know where to start. My
boyfriend Dalton was murdered.

Pol, I'm so sorry.

What happened?

Uh, I don't know.

The police won't tell me anything,
except that he was poisoned.

The police are investigating?
Yes.

But this isn't about that.
I need you to protect me.

From who?
I don't know.

A few days before Dalton...

He was scared.

Did he say why? Had
someone threatened him?

He received a blackmail letter
that said to leave or else.

Uh, have you got the letter?

After the police
took it, I erm...

I didn't think to take a
photo. I wasn't thinking.

That's OK, you've
been through a lot.

D 'you know anyone who
might wanna hurt Dalton?

Not really.

I think it's to do
with where we work.

I'm a PA at As You Like It,
which is all about Shakespeare.

And Dalton is...
was an actor there.

What exactly is As You Like It?

Oh, well it's a charming, bucolic comedy
about two friends Rosalind and Cecelia that...

Uh, it's an agency.

Yes.

If the RSC is lobster and caviar,
then we 're the hamburgers.

Oh.

Good company, good
wine, good welcome.

Come, some music.

Come, the trumpets, sackbuts,
psalteries and fifes.

Oh!
- Do you do this for everyone?

Shh. Encore. Encore.

Ooh.

Shall I compare thee
to a summer's day?

If you must.

Did you find any change
back there for the car park?

Welcome.

I'm Ava Clayton.
- Hi.

And this is As You Like It.

From weddings to work dos,
from adverts to anniversaries

we are Shakespeare for hire.

- Well,
thanks for the fanfare

but we ' re not customers.

No, no. Of course not. You're
partners. Fingers crossed.

Yeah, we are partners. Yeah.

Business partners, obviously.
Private investigators.

Investors? Private investors?

Investigators.

Investors from Pellinore? The largest
entertainments company in the UK.

No, we 're looking
into Dalton 's death.

Everyone stop!

Stop!

Uh... Pollie!

You said that the buyer
was gonna be here at noon.

That's what they said, boss.

No sorry, you can't be here.

Uh, what about " Good
wine, good welcome"?

And goodbye, as we've
already spoken to the police.

So please leave.

There 's a big buyer interested
in taking the company national.

We 're very excited.

Oh right, where do I place my bid?

No, no, no! Enough! We've no
time to amuse jumped-up snoops.

Now get out!

Get out!

We need eyes and
ears on the inside.

Yes, if only we knew someone
who could go undercover, huh?

Wolfe, is it?

Wolfe Tempest

actor for hire.

Excellent. You know, we've
been short-handed ever since...

Mmm.

Welcome aboard. Pollie
tells me great things.

Oh, well please believe
everything you hear.

Now, now. Gather
round, everyone.

Gather round.

Now remember that we have a rep

from Pellinore
Entertainment here today

to witness the wonderful
work that we do.

So let's show him our
guiding principle.

We sell Shakespeare!

We sell Shakespeare!

Selling Shakespeare? Makes me feel dirty,
and I once dressed as a chicken for money.

Well, what
we do isn't that bad.

Well, how come you're
not up there performing?

Oh. Ava thought it would be
better if I was in the office.

I'm under her wing,
learning a lot.

He looks popular.

Oh, Bernard.

He was the original actor here.

Considered the best.

Until Dalton...

Pollie!

Ah, I 'd better go.

Wolfe?
- Yes.

I'm Bernard.

The boss asked me to
show you the ropes.

I'm supposed to show you
hair, make-up and so on

but you look like you know
your way around backstage.

From proscenium to pit.
- Ha! Well then...

To the good part!

And here we are.

And where are we?

Aladdin 's cave of wonders?

The boss likes to call
these treats " upselling ".

I call it a perk of the job.

Go ahead. Help yourself.

What? To anything?

I'm partial to the cologne.

"The Merry Whiffs of Windsor."

Oh, I shouldn't.

It's only right to get to
know the wares you're touting.

Well, if this is part of
the official induction.

Hello?

Hello. How did you get on
with your police friend?

Did you find out
anything useful?

Oh, can you stop shouting?

Did your questioning take
place in the pub by any chance?

Well, I had to soften him up.

You know what they
say. Loose ships...

Sink lips?

Hey, every round was
very professional.

Yeah, I bet it was.

Look, I've asked Pollie if she could find
out who the last client of Dalton 's was

and she 's given me a name and
address so I'm gonna check it out now.

Well, can you do it quietly?

Did you find out what it
was that killed Dalton?

Yes, it was definitely poison.

The pathologist detected,
let me consult my notes

ethanol glycol, a mouthful
of that, you're a goner.

Sounds nasty.

Yeah, unfortunately it's a common
ingredient in solvents and coolants.

Anyone can buy it.

Hey, dial Sebastian in so
he knows what to look for.

Uh hello, Mammy. I can't talk right
now. A little bit of team bonding.

Whoa, whoa. Hang on. I thought
we settled on big sister.

He was poisoned with
an industrial chemical.

No! Tell
Nanny that's awful.

I mean, if anything I was thinking, like,
trendy cousin that you go to for advice.

The poison was delivered in a bottle
of red wine called Bard 's Blessing

I should go.

You alright?

Uh, I think I swallowed a fly.

Perhaps you 'Il die!

Tell me, can anyone get in here?

Only employees are allowed in.

Mm-hmm. But it's not locked?
I haven't seen any cameras.

You sound like you're planning
a heist. Is the wine that good?

Oh, heavens no.

Any more might be the death of me.

Don't leave town, Mrs Brosnan.

We 'Il be in touch again soon.

Alright.
- Thank you.

Thank you.

Bye, love.

He died in the garden.

My dear, sweet Dalton.

You were close?

He came round every
Thursday, three till five

wine and pastries in hand
and we 'd perform together.

All the classics.

I know it was his job but...

he made me feel special.

Sounds so silly.

Not at all. No.

I have a barista I
would marry on the spot.

Oh!

I've been lonely
since my husband died.

Dalton was the first person since
Hugh to make me laugh and...

Sorry.

Oh.

Sorry.

Thank you.

It's only blind luck I
didn't end up the same way.

Well yeah, we were wondering
why you didn't drink the wine.

I mean, it did seem a bit...

Suspicious?
- Yeah.

Yeah, I know.

The thing is...

my GP changed my
tablets earlier that week.

I was to steer clear of alcohol.

The police think that a
little too convenient.

Oh, don't worry about Keeler.

He can't have enough
evidence to arrest you.

Well, it's not for
lack of trying.

I've been back and forth to that
police station like a yo-yo.

I'm pleased someone 's
finally on my side.

Erm, well... I can't
promise anything.

Yeah, I might not find
anything that helps you.

My main focus has to be my client.
Oh, of course.

Our Antony has gone.

And there is nothing
left remarkable

beneath the visiting moon.

D 'you know, I think
Edie is innocent

which would mean Dalton
carried his own murder weapon

to the scene of the crime.

Well, we 'Il look into
Dalton 's background

but our best bet is
someone tied to the agency.

Have you been looking at this?

Well, you know, you left you dating
app open for me to find so...

But it's private! I don't want
you investigating my dates.

No, you're absolutely right. I'm sorry.
Good.

Don't do it again.

You really wanna know what
I've found out, don't you?

Yeah, maybe this one.
- Cheater.

I knew it!

He 's cut his wife out
of the photo, hasn't he?

Pretending to be somebody else.

What? A catfish?

Ugh. It's so hard to find a
European prince these days.

What about this one?

Pervert.
- No!

You remember that flasher
we arrested a year ago?

I didn't recognise him.

That's cos you can
only see his face.

And these are the ones
I've matched with.

I wonder how
Seb's getting on, huh?

Uh, we should ask Pollie to book
him in with Dalton 's old clients.

Yeah, then he can flag up anyone
suspicious and we can look into them.

Yeah.

Hey, we 're gonna crack this.

You mean the case, don't
you? Not my love life.

In the names of all
the gods at once

upon what meat doth
this our Caesar feed

that he is grown so great?

Thou needst eat at
Marco 's Bistro.

Friends, Romans, hungry men

lend me your ears.

It's all-you-can-eat
pizza night every Tuesday.

But beware the ides of starch
with our low-carb Caesar salads.

Et tu, Brute?

Yes, that's right.
It's two for one.

Then cry havoc. And get
thee to Marco 's Bistro.

The gods of theatre
will never forgive us.

Bravo.

I'm doing what I love every day.

They've stopped clapping.
- How could I be unhappy?

Oi, Dalton!

Erm, I mean What'
s-Your-Name. Come ' ere.

Uh, Marco 's Bistro.

Here we go.

You have to eat somewhere.

I've got a lot riding on this.

I won't let you down.

Remember, I took care of Dalton.

Maybe I can take care of you.

That's it.

I quit.

I have just spent two hours
debasing The Winter's Tale

to sell hedge trimmers for
William Rakes-&-Shears.

Oh, poor you.

You heard the line, "
Exit, pursued by a bear"?

I wasn't the bear.

What about your actual job? Did
you find out anything suspicious?

There was a customer this morning trying
to coerce Bernard into doing something

and he said he 'd
"taken care of Dalton ".

We 'Il check it
out. Oh! Oh! Oh!

Ooh! Shouldn't you go and
see a doctor about that?

No, no, no. I'm fine.

Anything else?

There 's something
about Bernard.

He 's very sensitive about
Dalton, and it isn't grief.

Well I mean, I don't
mind feeling him out.

Yeah, I bet.

Oh, I just... You know, I think he
'd probably respond to me better.

You know, he smells so amazing, doesn't he?
Just with the oranges and the cloves and...

He does. And that jawline.

Yeah.

Ooh.

Don't blow my cover. I have
other clients to look into.

I won't.

That is the dodgy one
that I told you about.

Whoa! No, no, no!

Lu?

Oh.

Erm...

Excuse me? Will you
get out of my proposal?

Oh. Oh.

Why's he got your ring?

I'm putting on a show.

It worked so well for the business,
I thought a bit of razzmatazz

would help seal the
deal with my girl.

Oh.

It's just that you said you took
care of Dalton and now he 's dead.

You do know that?

Yeah.

And I'm very sad about it.

But obviously every time he 'd come to
the restaurant, he 'd always eat for free.

Oh. Oooh.

"Take care of him."

It's a misunderstanding.

What the hell are you doing?

I come out here to show off how we make a
client' s moment special and you show up.

Oh, thank goodness I did.

Because I mean, what if I 'd been a
thief? I could 've took off with the ring.

No, you just took off with a
couple 's happiest memory.

Well, technically we don't
know that yet, do we?

Cos she hasn't answered.
Will you? Is this gonna work?

Are you proposing to her now?

Leave before I sue you to oblivion.
- Yeah.

Sorry.

Bernard.

Sorry, got to go.

I just need a minute to
talk to you about Dalton.

You're not gonna
let this go, are ya?

No.

The truth is, Dalton
seemed jealous of me.

Nipping at my heels,
trying to steal my clients.

That must have
been hard for you.

It was sad really.

I tried to be there for
him, but he spurned me.

Oh.

I can't imagine why anyone
would want to reject you.

I mean, Dalton
must have been mad.

Or maybe just in trouble.

I didn't say that.

When you say you were there
for him. When was that?

It's just a turn of phrase.

Oh right, like a
shoulder to cry on.

I didn't say he was crying.
- No, but you said he was upset.

You know, a problem shared
is a problem halved?

Well, the week before
Dalton 's death

he had a huge row with Ava.

Shouting, screaming.
- Really? What about?

No idea.

But he left with a
face like thunder.

And now he 's gone.

I should have tried
harder to be there.

Oh, it's not your fault.

You can't force
someone to accept help.

Thank you, Lu.

For thou hast given me
in this beauteous face

a world of earthly blessings to my soul.

Oh.

Well I mean, if you ever need
any more earthly blessings

then you know where
I am.

Maybe over dinner?

Or not? I mean, whatever. I'm
easy. I mean, I'm not easy.

- I'm just...

Oh.

Hello?

Somebody there?

I'm from As You Like It.

About time. Come on then.

What' s with the mask?

I'm a method actor.

You know what we 're doing, right?
- Act three, Scene two of The Dream?

Yeah, but I don't actually
know the occasion.

It's for the missus. She
loves all this stuff.

Oh, it's date night with
you, your wife and me.

Very romantic.

Uh, where would you
like to go from?

The duel bit obviously.

They don't actually duel

but perhaps your fair lady
would like some verbal jousting.

"O Helena! Goddess,
nymph, perfect, divine!"

That's my missus
you're talking about.

Is her name actually
Helena? Handy.

Oh, look! You've got a balcony.

Why don't you shimmy up there,
give her the full Romeo?

And you won't need me.
- No. I put my back out up there last time.

Right, it's almost time.

Mask off.

I 'd like to keep it on please.

Come on.

What the hell are
you doing here?

Moonlighting.

Between you and me, Frank
and Lu could pay better.

Leave. Now.
- OK.

Hang on.

You just happen to be
working at the same company

where someone was
recently found dead?

You can't move for
murders around here.

You guys are investigating
Dalton, aren't you?

It's the missus.
- I should go.

Wait.

Babysitter's
only here for two hours.

You're here now.

So let's do it.

Not a word to Frank and Lu.

En garde!

This was before his sword
got caught in his breeches.

- He does
look a bit rough.

Ooh, wait till Frank sees this.
He might even give me a raise.

You know what this means?

Keeler is luckier
in love than me.

Keeler!

Yes, but who wears
feathery hats better?

D 'you think? Yeah? Hmm.

Hi.

Hi, erm...

What is going on? Ava was super angry. You
made her look bad in front of the buyer.

Ah yeah, that's... Well that was
part of a cunning plan actually to...

You traitor.

I knew you 'd lead me to your paymaster,
but I didn't think it would be you.

Ava...
- You are a wolf in sheep 's clothing.

And not the good wool,
the cheap polyester blend.

Uh OK, let's not get oddly specific.
Yes, erm...

Pollie has every right to know
what happened to her boyfriend.

Don't get me
started on you.

You know, I'm just
surrounded by traitors.

Erm, well no, I think what
we 're trying to do...

What do you care?

You're only in it for the money.

Yeah, it is my job.
- And it's my future.

You know, that sale is my one
chance to get set up for life.

What is the one photo
on my desk, Pollie?

Uh, a tropical beach.
- And a villa.

And it's this close to becoming a reality
and I'm not going to let you clowns risk it.

Pollie, you're fired.

Ava, please.

Yeah, good luck affording
your little saboteurs now.

I've got it!

What?
- The perfect man.

Kirby. Runs his own business.

Is he the one that crafts
ale in his mum 's basement?

He's very family-orientated.

Jim, huh?

You know Jim? Eh! huh?

The barman at the Mucky Mallard.

He's 60!

Yeah, but he pulls a good pint.

Are all your perfect men just a
way of you getting free drinks?

That's a bonus.

Just stop it. I
don't need your help.

And I'm done.

I've been through all of
Dalton 's client list.

No one else is suspicious.

And Dalton 's
background was clean too?

What about Edie?

You talked to all his
clients except her.

Well, the company refused her business,
for obvious health and safety reasons.

Yeah, well, it's a shame.

Thing is, she 's...
she 's lonely.

She might open up to
Dalton ' s successor.

Mmm, I'm not going.

You are. I 'Il go and chat to
Ava about her row with Dalton.

Oh!

For the love of...

Can I just hire you to go
on holiday for two weeks?

Course. Shall we go
halfies on that villa?

You're trespassing.

Why don't you call
the police, huh?

I'm sure they'd love to hear
about your big fight with Dalton.

Let me just understand this.

You've cornered me, a woman, on my own
in the dark so you can threaten me?

No one 's doing any cornering.

Then you won't stop
me from leaving.

Course not.
- Well, I won't stop you either.

So goodbye.

Come on.

Must be a reason why you
were fighting with Dalton.

Well, if you must know, when I
found Dalton he was on the streets.

What? Homeless?

No, he was playing a living statue
outside the Maybrook arcade.

I made him great.

So what changed?

Ava?

My stupid heart. I fell in love.

You and Dalton?

Were having an affair right
under Pollie 's nose.

He was going to be a big part
of my new life on the beach

until he just ruined it all
by getting himself killed.

Was it Pollie you
were arguing about?

What else?

It's ironic that though, eh?

You firing Pollie
for being disloyal.

Well then, now you get to explain to Pollie
that her precious man was actually mine.

And then she has to pay
you for breaking her heart.

O happy dagger,
this is thy sheath!

There... oh! Rust... And... oh!

Let...

me...

die!

Wow, I...

Oh!
- Oh!

Oh.

You make a wonderful Romeo.
Just the tonic I needed.

And your Juliet was spirited.

I mean it, Wolfe. Thank you.

Fit me in again soon, won't ya?

My late husband John said I
had a taste for theatrics.

Imagine what he 'd
say about all this.

Mm-hmm.

Did you perform all the
classics with Dalton?

He had a rare gift.

See, I heard a rumour that other
clients weren't treated quite as well.

By Dalton?
- Mm.

Never. If anything he was
ill-served by the agency.

How d 'you mean?
- They could have paid better for a start.

I know he was desperate to save
up for him and his girlfriend.

I helped him myself on occasion.

He asked you for money?

No.

No, he tried to refuse it,
but I could tell he needed it.

It's so hard for young
people these days.

Did he take a lot?

What else have I got to
spend it on?

What money?

Dalton didn't tell you about
the extra cash from Edie?

No, he said that he was
saving for us from his wages.

Worked extra hours to do it
and I put some money in too.

So you had a shared
bank account?

Well no, I gave him cash.

Oh, but erm...

Uh, this might help.

I was erm, packing away Dalton
's things and I found this.

Another blackmail letter?

Such penmanship. Most
blackmailers never take the time.

I don't think it'Il help us though. I
mean, we 're not handwriting experts.

Look at these insults.

"You bull 's pizzle",
"You stock fish ". Savage.

Is it?
Mmm.

That means in today's terms...

Oh.

Wait, so... so it doesn't help?

I thought when I found the note
that Dalton was guiding me to it.

Sounds stupid I know.

Oh, no.
- What?

That's another date I'm
gonna have to cancel.

Lu. Hi.

I thought we said Tuesday.

Call me old-fashioned but I think blackmail
is more of a third date thing, don't you?

The scent on the letter.
Oranges and cloves.

Same as the cologne you wear.

I wish I never started
this whole blackmail thing.

- I'm sorry.

That's very nice of you.

It's not the letter you
should be worried about.

You called the police?

No, we 're always one step
ahead of these amateurs.

You're not too busy
off serenading then?

I'm arresting you on suspicion
of the murder of Dalton Morley.

I didn't kill him.
I haven't finished yet.

And for malicious communications
under the 1988 Act.

That. I did that. I'm no killer.

Lu, please!

Dalton came on the scene

and suddenly it
was all about him.

He took what was mine.

Any confessions, please give
them to the police officer.

I confess to being a fool.

I saw Dalton and Ava together

and thought I could use their affair
to force Dalton into quitting.

And when that didn't work

you got rid of your rival
for good, didn't you?

No.

Don't you think that murder is
maybe jumping the gun a bit?

He 's got means,
motive, and opportunity.

And I'm sure if we got digital forensics
to have a look at his computer...

I was googling poisons for research,
to play Claudius from Hamlet.

And I wear a hat to keep my
feet dry. Get him in the car.

But honestly, it's the truth.
Lu, Lu, you must believe me. No!

Cheer up, guys.

I just solved your case too.

Yeah, we 'Il see about that.

Ow.

You alright there, Frank? Pace
getting to you a bit, is it?

You look like you need
a sit down, old boy.

Tell you what, while you're at it,
go back to your car, put your ruff on

and do us a sonnet.

That was good.
- Was that funny?

- You OK?

Yeah, it's just a twinge.

Bernard?

That makes sense.

Well, we don't know for
sure that he killed Dalton.

Well, the police think so.

Well, look, at
least you're safe.

But I've got no job.

I've just found out that I lost my
boyfriend to Ava long before he died.

No offence, but part of me
wishes I never hired you.

I tell you what, you can fill in our
client satisfaction survey later on.

It's fine.

The truth will set
you free, right?

How do you feel about snakes?

Stop it. Stop trying to set
me up. I'm fine, alright?

Sherlock Holmes was single. I am
reclaiming spinsterhood for the Pls.

So that's a no to taxidermist.

There 's something not right
about Bernard 's arrest.

I think we 're
missing something.

Yeah, we can't be sure
until... Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Where did you say you
hurt your foot again?

Above the toes, below the ankle.

You know what I mean.

Near the Mallard.
But I was sober.

Right.

And the quickest way back
to your house from there

would be to walk past the
restaurant I was having my date in.

I took the scenic route.

Uh-huh.

And my date

swore that he heard
monkeys laughing

which is what you sound like
every time you hurt your foot.

I saw a monkey in A&E.

Right, if I ask the
restaurant for their CCTV

I wouldn't see you chasing
after the tow truck

and getting my handbag then, no?

If I had known I 'd be
hobbling around all week

I wouldn't have bothered.

Why didn't you say something?

What? And have you thinking
I'm stalking you? No chance.

Frank.

I'm gonna have to tell Sebastian I
have cracked the case of Frank' s foot.

If you can find him. He
hasn't been in all afternoon.

Mmm. I think he 's having
a session with Edie.

Now this is odd.

Edie told Sebastian that her
dead husband was called John.

It's a common name.

It's not the one she gave me.

She told me it was Hugh.

What? She 's making up a dead husband?
- I don't know.

But there 's something
suspicious about her.

You're kind

to come back and
perform with me again.

No, you're kind to be so
understanding about my chicanery.

I just couldn't have you left
thinking you were a murder suspect.

It's such a relief.

To tell the truth,
I felt guilty.

I poured the wine into his cup.

You can't blame yourself.

Tea, my dear?

Yeah, thank you.
Thanks, then. Bye.

That was the coroner' s office.

Hugh Brosnan died 2004.

And his death was registered
as accidental impalement.

Find anything about John?

Erm, Edie married a Dr John Fairfax
in ' 91. I'm not sure what happened.

Right, well, I 'Il ring Sebastian,
shall I? See if he can get any answers.

Oh, it looks like hubby number
one didn't make it either.

Why? What happened?

Just says " Decapitation ".

Really? Two husbands, both dead.

Sorry, impalement,
beheaded, poisoned.

They all sound so...

Dead?
- No.

Musical?

No.

Shakespearian.

Mmm.

He 's not answering.

And he 's not at home?

OK, I'm just checking
Edie 's house now.

OK, bye.

Sebastian!

Don't panic! I know CPR.

Oh. Oh! No! I live! I live!

We were just workshopping a
more grounded death performance.

Yeah, obviously.

I mean, I knew that. That's erm...
I was just role-playing so...

I was just passing so...

Cup of tea?
- Yes, that would be lovely.

Thank you. Great.

You've suffered so many tragedies. Why
do you want to keep acting them out?

My therapist thinks it's to regain
some control over the trauma.

Who knows?

I miss them both dreadfully.

You're the first to find out
about my past and believe me.

But the truth is

I haven't been honest.

Not another husband, is it?

Sometimes when Dalton
was in the bathroom

he 'd get a
message and I 'd...

I 'd take a peek.

What did you find?

Dalton was stealing
money from work

and his girlfriend found out.

He was ripping off
As You Like It?

Is that why you gave him cash?
So he wouldn't have to steal.

Perhaps it wasn't enough.

Sounds like nothing was
ever enough for Dalton.

I know I should 've told someone,
but I couldn't risk losing Dalton.

But then I did anyway.

Just like all the
men I've loved.

Why didn't Pollie tell us
she 'd caught him stealing?

Who 's Pollie?

Dalton 's girlfriend.

Erm...

No.

No, her name was Ana. No!

Ava.

And I know that we have
suffered some recent setbacks

but you know, the greatest
art springs from tragedy.

So...

Oh, excuse me just one moment.

What are you doing here?

I'm going to tell the buyer what a
two-faced, scheming liar you are.

No, no, no. You can't do that.

I don't work
for you anymore, remember?

Uh, Pollie, please.
Just hear me out.

You stole my boyfriend.
What is there left to say?

Well, don't you
want to know why?

Pollie, come on.
Let's go somewhere quiet.

Come on.

Look, Pollie. I know that you are hurt,
but we don't want to ruin the deal.

I don't care
about your stupid deal.

How much to make you care?

You can't just buy
people 's grief.

Well, what do you want then?

I want you to feel like I do.

I gave you and
Dalton everything.

I want you to feel as
stupid as I do. As small.

Pollie, let's just have a drink.

And then...

Pollie, look out!

You were about to
try and kill me.

She 's had plenty of practice.
What do you mean?

She killed Dalton. And it
wasn't over a broken heart.

Dalton was stealing
from the business.

You found out, didn't
you? Had it out with him?

He stole my future.

He drained the account dry.

I... I'm the victim here.

Cheated by a cheater, was it?

I had to use every last penny

just to keep this place afloat
long enough to get bought out.

So that's
your excuse is it?

You killed him for the
good of the company?

He hurt you so
you hurt him back?

Well, didn't he deserve it?

He could 've been right there with
me with cocktails in paradise.

He just ruined everything.

Last time we met I
even gave him a chance.

We were going to be together.
- Yeah, but it's not gonna happen is it?

OK?

He could've
paid me the money back

and he just laughed at me.

He could have been with
me, he just laughed at me.

So I... I swapped the wine.

Thank you.

I need to go.

OK.

You knew he was never gonna
give you back that money.

Cos you and him are the same.

You
deserved each other.

Did you find it?

DS Keeler.

Sebastian.

You know, I think Dalton 's the
one to blame for all this, really.

Well, it's not like he
got off lightly, is it?

You're welcome by the way.

Didn't find the poison
though, did you?

No, but I found this antifreeze
in the store cupboard.

Check out the
principal ingredient.

"Ethylene glycol."

Lucky guess.

Oh uh, Sebastian has got
some crimson breeches

if you wanna borrow them. I
don't know if you're interested.

All civilians
off the crime scene now!

Please.

Yes, milord.

My liege.

Oh, why are we walking this way?

You 'Il see.

Hey, Sebastian, do you
think Pollie will land OK?

I hope so.

Perhaps she 'Il start up her
own version of As You Like It?

I thought you were
against all that?

A little more Shakespeare in the
world can never be a bad thing.

Even if they are
flogging meatballs.

Are you alright?
Is it your foot?

You know I keep promising
you the perfect date?

Well, he 's in there.

You can do all that wining and
dining you keep going on about.

Ooh, it's exciting.

Oh, I see what' s going on.

Yeah, Cupid is about to work
his magic right in there.

Oh, you didn't need to do that.

What are friends for?

Exactly. Aw.

This is a dinner date with you two,
isn't it? Just to show me I'm not alone.

No it's...
- Oh Frank, that is sweet.

Just... Just go in.

No, you don't have to do this.

I have got everything
I need right here.

What...
- We don't need to go in there

and spend half of what we
just earnt to prove it.

No, it's the...
- Who wants a drink at the Mucky Mallard, mm?

Mm. Lead on.

- I...

Aw.
See, he 's a softie.