Secret Diary of a Call Girl (2007–2011): Season 4, Episode 5 - Episode #4.5 - full transcript

I thought your book was just...wow!
We think it's perfect for the big screen.

DK adores it. She's the hottest new actress
on the indie scene out there.

We already have a director attached - Leon.

What I suggest we do is that we fly
you out to New York to meet them.

Oh.

All I wanted to do was move in here with you
and try and have a normal relationship.

If you think about it, this is
a completely fucked-up situation.

Then maybe you shouldn't have moved in
with me and my fucked-up situation.

Sometimes you just have
to get away from it all -

you know, work, home, boyfriends -
and do what you want to do.

And for me, that means...



a bit of shopping,

a few laughs.

(Laughs) Yeah.

And maybe making a hit movie!

(Laughs) Yeah.

New York City!

Here I come...

Well, that's breakfast
and sight seeing done.

Three hours to kill.
What is a girl to do?

That's the thing men don't understand
about shopping. It's not about the clothes.

(Ding)

It's that, even if it's
just for a few hours,

all women want to feel like a movie star.

O-M-Jesus.



That looks phenomenal with a capital "meow".

- (Laughs)
- Seriously, ifyou don't buy that, I will.

I'm not kidding.

Scuse me!
Urgent Tyra mail! Oh!

I don't even know if I want to be
gay any more. My God!

(Groans) Oh!

(Phone rings)

(Ringing continues)

- I'm getting it.
- Don't.

- I said leave it!
- (Sighs)

I thought you were supposed to be
cool with all this?

- The clients and the phone calls?
- (Ringing continues)

She's not here, OK?

So, you'll just have to find some
other girl, or wank yourself off, you twat.

Er, no, erm...

I'm not interested in an upgrade.
Thank you, though. Yeah.

Sorry about the...

you know, the wanking.

Yeah.

I have to get out of here.

You've got to be kidding me.

Where the hell is she?
I've been calling all morning.

- New York.
- Typical.

- (Phone ringing)
- Leave me to pick up the pieces.

(Poppy) Erm...

Discreet Elite.

- You can'tjust walk in here like...
- Do be quiet, child.

And get me a drink.

Thanks!

I know, I know. I just...

..couldn't really find anything I wanted.

Belle?

Sweetie! (Squeals)

Oh, wow!

Oh, my God.
You're even more fabulous in the flesh.

(Both laugh)

- Oh!
- I already know we're gonna be friends.

Oh, thanks.

- So, you...you must be Dava, or...
- Oh! Seriously, what is wrong with me?

Yes, I'm Dava. But please...

- my friends call me DK.
- (Laughs) OK.

We are so lucky to have
Leon attached to this project.

He's going to do an awesome job
with your story.

Well, you know, I haven't
quite said yes yet.

Ohh, I know.

But you will. You must.

Because I already feel
like we're soul sisters.

(Slurping)

I love...

this book.

Thank you.

Let's workshop it, because I want the movie
to go deeper into Belle's character.

- Yes.
- I want to explore where reality

and fantasy overlap.

OK.

Like rubbing the condensation off
a bathroom mirror without touching it.

- Yes. Yes. Good.
- Yes. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, here, for example.
Er, let's see.

When you meet a new client,

I want you to tell me more about
what you're thinking.

- Yes.
- But don'tjust tell it to me.

- No.
- Feel it to me.

Imagine that I am the client...

and DK is you.

Oh.

- Yes, this is good. This is good.
- OK.

And...

action.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm not...
I'm not entirely sure what I should be doing.

- Talk us through it.
- Oh.

But with your heart.

You are our eyes,

our hands.

Action.

OK, well, erm...

first ofall, I might start
by putting on a little music or...

No. No! No, no, no!

- No.
- No.

I want to know how you would
deconstruct the client.

OK.

And...

- go.
- OK.

Well, erm, clearly you have a dominant
personality, so I'd like to work with that.

Maybe start off by standing behind him.

Yeah.

It keeps him off guard.
Now, erm...

caress him.

Just very... Gently. Very good.

(Hushed) Now make this hurt.

(Whispers)

(Hushed) Pull it!

- Ah!
- Yes!

No! No peeking!

- (Laughs)
- Yeah, exactly.

Because dominant people love
being forced to give up control.

- And come round.
- (DK laughs)

And...kiss him.

Oh. OK, well, no.

Soft. Light.
You know, like, barelytouching.

OK.

Yeah.

(Sighs)

Yeah, good.

Oh. Oh, oh, oh!

- Ooh.
- Oh.

Oh, good. Good.

- Rip off my dress.
- Well... Well, no.

I wouldn't really...
I wouldn't say "rip".

- (Gasps)
- You could always use the buttons.

- I want you inside me so bad.
- Oh, my!

Take me, you sexual viper.

(Belle) Yeah. OK.
(DK) We're animals!

- I think we've got the basic shape.
- (Leon laughs) Yes.

- (DK gasps)
- Here it is.

- (Leon) Here we go!
- Oh. OK, OK.

And cut!

- (Moaning)
- And cut!

Oh, stop!

- Please, stop!
- Ooh. Ooh.

Please stop! Cut!

It's a good thing I came by.

These books are an utter disgrace.

But I suppose you miss your darling Belle.

- Good riddance to her.
- Well said, child.

(Leon) Well?

(DK) Be honest. How was it?

Well, I can...genuinely say

that that was...

a truly...

extraordinary performance.

Yes! (Laughs)

(DK claps)

- (Alarm blares)
- Are you listening?

Right. Not only am I not going
to give you a reduced rate,

but you're going to book the same girl at
the same rate, and you're going to enjoy it.

Mr Bennett, you do realise
I beat men for a living?

Tomorrow at 4:00 will be fine.

- You're amazing.
- I know.

- How do you do that?
- It's quite simple.

Men need to be told what to do.

Believe me, when they say no,
they really mean yes.

(Poppy gasps)

Go on.

- (Laughs)
- That's it. Give it more wrist.

What the fuck is going on here?
What is she still doing here?

She was running the business that allows

you to live in this rather
bourgeois maison de famille.

Get out.

Do let me know if Belle ever returns.

(Chuckles)

What the hell's going on, Poppy?

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Don't give me that.

You're not a kid any more.

Oh!

(Sobbing)

- I'm sorry.
- No, don't, don't!

- No one cares about me.
- That's not true.

- Yes, it is.
- No, it's not. Of course we care.

You're great.
You're funny, you're bright.

- You're really good with that whip now.
- (Laughs)

- You just kissed me back.
- No, I didn't.

Poppy, no.

- No?
- No.

Look, I'm with Hannah.
I'm not gonna do anything to jeopardise that.

So, you and Leon, you're...

quite a liberated couple, aren't you?

Oh, honey, we're not in a relationship.
God, no. I'm married.

But, I mean, in there, you just...

I mean, you had sex.

(Laughs) And?

Oh...how can you do that?

I am surprised you,
of all people, should ask.

How can we really sink
our teeth into your story

if we're afraid to get our hands
even a little dirty?

Yeah, I suppose.

I just... I just hope the aim is...

I don't want it to be strictly about bonking.
I want it to be about relationships

- and family...
- Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Absolutely.
And I want to know everything.

- So? Do you have a man?
- Yes, I do. Ben.

- Fabulous.
- Mm-hm.

Actually, we're kind of in the
middle of a row at the moment, but...

Oh, sweetie. I had no idea.

- Well, no, I mean, it's not...
- Hang on. Angelo?

Two more, stat.

I guess relationships can be pretty hard
to keep in your line ofwork, huh?

Yeah. Yeah, they can.
But, you know, Ben's different.

He's there for me, so...

- You really trust him.
- More than anyone in the world.

(Mobile phone rings)

Yeah? (Chuckles)
Oh, hey, Bobby.

Uh-huh? Uh-huh?

OK, yeah,
I'll see you there in a few. OK.

Uh, OK.

I've got a thing.
Awesome hanging out.

Don't forget about the
read-through tomorrow.

Leon's writing some scenes especially, hm?

Ciao, sweetie.

Well, I've got to do my bit
to keep up the special relationship.

I don't care what the P/E is, Mitchell!
It's a piece of shit company!

No, it is not my opinion.
It is a fact.

- Sorry.
- It's fine.

Do not BS me about the yield, Mitchell.
The yield is over-inflated

because the copper markets
are on some kind of suicide pact.

Um...do you mind if we...

No, no, of course.
It's just around this corner.

(Mobile phone rings)

(Ringing continues)

(Laughs)

Do you... Do you want to get that?

(He sighs)

What?!

Listen, Mitchell... you asshole...

when you are showing an alpha of 1.3,

then you come backto me,
and at that time,

I can guarantee I will tell
you to go fuck yourself.

Yeah.

- Why don't you do that?
- (Hangs up)

Sorry... again.

Um... (Chuckles)

Is it... Is it good?

Is it? An alpha of 1.3?

- No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have...
- Are you kidding me?

1.3 is fucking amazing.

Ahem. Sorry.

Excuse my language,
but it is, like, unheard of.

I'm afraid I don't really
understand what it is you do.

I basically specialise in CTA and
systematic diversified macro-investments.

OK, well, that wasn't in English.

Right. Sorry. Um...

I guess you could say I assess value.

OK.

- Let's take...
- Ooh. (Laughs)

..you as an example.

You are a commodity.

- Oh, thanks.
- No, I mean, like...

your services are a commodity that
you sell for a price, right?

Right.

And your price rises with
experience, exclusivity, etc.

But you also factor in risk,

future earning capacity,
asset value deterioration.

Er, d...deterioration?

Yeah. You know, as you get older,

perhaps put on weight,
have kids, wrinkles,

it all detracts from the value.

Well, that's good, isn't it?
That's nice. Yeah.

And, um, it's my job to make money

by taking advantage of
the tiny little differences

between what something
is actually worth

and what somebody thinks it's worth.

The secret is to be real careful before
letting go of what you've already got.

Because you only really know
something's true value when it's gone.

- And then it's too late.
- (Phone rings)

Yes, Mitchell.

I thought you might say that, but
unfortunately, the price has just gone up.

Sorry. Do you mind if we, um...

(Clears throat)

Oh, no, of course. Come on.

Sorry. (Chuckles)

(Ben) You're up early.

You know me.
Busy, busy, busy.

Listen, I, er, hope we're OK after...
you know, last night.

Oh. I made you some breakfast.

Sit.

Go on, sit.

Mr Sleepy-head. (Laughs)

(Mobile phone beeping)

It's from Hannah.

(Car horn toots)

Thankyou all for coming.

Belle, don't worry about these guys.
They'rejust the money.

(Laughs)

This morning, we're gonna showyou
a sample scene from the movie

to give you a feel of
where we're coming from.

Enjoy.

(DK) Well, hi there. I'm Belle.

That's Italian, by the way,

for "totally gorgeous". (Chuckles)

Come on in.

I love champagne in the morning.

But only the best for me.

Dom Paragon all the way.

I think it's important for a girl
to learn to stand on her own two feet.

Feet, knees.

Same difference.

(Man) Oh. Oh!

Oh, baby!

Oh. Oh!

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah! Yeah, come on, give it to me!

Oh! Oh...

(Moans) Yeah, yeah! Take it!

(Moans loudly)

(Moaning continues)

Mmm.

And to think my mama said...

"There's no such thing as a free lunch."

- (DK laughs)
- Oh, my God.

- Wasn't it great?
- She hated it.

- I thought it was cheap.
- (DK) No way.

No, no, I thought she was shallow
and, frankly, just a bit stupid.

Like, I totally do...do not agree.

I think the character
has real warmth, and...

and she'sjust so funny, like you.

Well, that's the thing, DK, because I don't
think she was actually anything like me.

- Really?
- Leon.

- No, no, it's OK.
- Why? She likes men, luxuries.

Look, OK...

she's a modern woman who knows what she
wants and isn't afraid to go after it.

- Isn't that what you're all about?
- Well, yeah.

Actually, no. I mean...
that's not really my point. My...

No, I'll tell you the point.
The point is, those idiots in there loved it.

And it's gonna make us
a nice chunk of change.

OK, well, I just... I think
I had unrealistic expectations,

and I'm sorry, OK?

- I'm sorry.
- OK, no, I hear you.

I hear you. We'll give you
points off the gross.

- OK? Can we please just do this deal?
- Oh, you don't get it.

Come on, Belle. Belle.
Come on, let's talk about it.

Belle.

Everything you want is right here.

No, no, no. I thought everything
I wanted was here. But it's not.

You sell everything else,
but you won't sell this, huh?

(Laughs) Oh, God. Wow.

This is bullshit!

Midtown Grand and then JFK, please.

(Car horn toots)

Sometimes you value least
the people who love you most,

until you remember that without them
your life is worth nothing,

When life knocks you down,

the secret is to get
straight back in the ring.

(Bell rings)

(Both grunting)

Maybe you're not quite as good
as you think you are.

Well, there's only one way
to find out, isn't there?