Secret Diary of a Call Girl (2007–2011): Season 4, Episode 4 - Episode #4.4 - full transcript
Belle postpones a trip to New York to meet the director of a film based on her book to accompany Poppy on a prison visit to Stephanie. Mother and daughter merely end up rowing. Despite taking on one of Charlotte's clients, a middle-aged man who like to dress as a baby,Belle takes the moral high ground when she catches Poppy in bed with a boy she picked up in a bar. This leads to an argument with Ben and Belle taking the next plane to New York.
(Moaning)
I know you better
than you know yourself.
If you screw it up again,
you'll break his heart.
- Make a decision,
- You'll break his heart.
- I love you, Hannah,
- Stop, stop, stop!
(Beeping)
No matter how intense
things are at home,
when it comes to work,
there are some opportunities
you simply have to...explore.
- You must be Belle. Yes. Ha!
- Hello.
- Tom, yes. We spoke on the phone.
- Yeah.
Let's go. Ha!
(Sighs)
(Tom chuckles) Oh... Ho-ho!
I have to say, Belle,
I thought your book was...
Ah, Katie, thank you.
Erm... Mmm.
I thought your book was just - wow!
It's sexy, it's uncompromising,
it's risky, it's risqu?.
Well, erm, that was the plan, so that's...
We think it's absolutely perfect
for the big screen. DK adores it.
- And DK is...?
- Dava Kristin!
Come on! She's the hottest new actress
on the indie scene out there.
- (Laughs) Says the producer.
- (Chuckles) That's funny.
Seriously, Belle, I think if you
give us the rights to this book,
we could have a total hit on our hands.
OK, so, we already have
a director attached. Leon.
He's a huge... a huge name on the circuit.
- You have no choice. You must love him.
- (Laughs) OK!
So, Belle, what I suggest we do is that
we fly you out to New York to meet them.
- Really?
- Yeah, really.
Oh.
DK has a slot for you tomorrow.
We'll get you on a BA flight tonight.
Heathrow to JFK,
with a US ETA of 11:35 tomorrow.
First-class, all expenses paid,
champagne on tap.
Don't tell me you're not tempted.
Oh, my goodness!
There she is, looking gorgeous,
Belle is definitely a star,
Look, I'll give you my card.
Erm, well, the thing is, I can't
possibly go at the moment to New York.
I just have so many responsibilities,
and it's just...
I'm just asking you to think about it.
- Oh!
- Ooh!
(Both laugh)
- Call me later.
- OK.
Wow!
(Door closes)
Ben? Poppy?
Anyone?!
I can at least think about it.
#
(Cheering)
What? This is me just thinking about it...
in a very mature and adult way.
Wah!
- (Music stops)
- Poppy!
(Laughs) Hi.
Are you all right?
Erm, well, I was gonna go
and see my mum.
- But what if I can't handle it?
- You'll be able to handle it. You'll be fine.
I was thinking...
maybe you could come with me.
Really? Oh...
I'm just so busy today.
(Stammers) It would really help...
me.
The thing... Poppy, I've...
I've got to get ready for a client, so...
Oh. OK.
Erm, well, when is it?
Er...
Charlotte, hi. Erm...
Something's come up. I need a favour.
- Finding the pressure too much?
- No, I need you to swap a client with me.
I'll take your 4:00, you take my 2:00.
- (Man moans)
- Silence!
(Belle) What?
- Not you.
- Listen. You won't be in there long.
He comes in five.
You just need to stick a finger...
OK.
OK?
Said it once. Won't say it again.
Bye, now.
- (Yells)
- (Man screams)
- Tricks ofthe trade, eh?
- Hm.
(Mobile phone rings)
- Do you charge more?
- What?
For the gross stuff.
Blowjobs... anal, golden showers.
(Mobile phone rings)
Crystal, I'm gonna have to call you back.
Would you consider yourself a feminist?
Yeah. Probably. I mean, I'm...
I believe in equality
and freedom ofchoice,
and I think women should be able
to do what they want.
OK, this is it. This is it.
(Sighs)
- Are you gonna be OK?
- Yeah.
- (Mobile phone rings)
- For God's sake.
I'm gonna have to get this. Sorry.
I told you I'd call you back.
Look...you can't call me when
you're stuck on a role-play.
How the hell would I know
what Catwoman sounds like?
No, no, no, I think it's more like...
"Reowrrr! Reowrrr!"
- What?
- Can't you come in with me?
Belle, what a lovely surprise.
Well, Poppy asked me to come, so...
Hello, darling.
When were you gonna tell me, Mum?
Were you ever gonna tell me?
Eventually.
When I thought you could handle it.
Han... Handle it?
My whole life's been turned upside down.
I could've gone mental.
See? This is exactly why I didn't tell her.
She's so prone to melodrama.
Mum, that is so unfair!
Belle, tell her. Tell her how calm I've been.
Well, I... I think all things...
You've been all right.
Well, if it wasn't for you, Belle,
we wouldn't all be here now.
When I entrusted Poppy to you, I didn't
expect you to let the cat out of the bag.
- Hang on a minute. You can't blame me.
- Mum, you sent me to live with an escort.
How did you expect the
cat to stay in the bag?
Er, actually, Poppy,
I think I've been very discreet.
Obviously not discreet enough.
Hang on a minute.
I didn't ask her to come and live with me.
In fact, she's just been
one more thing I didn't need.
Oh, well, thanks, Belle.
- Yes, very charming, Belle.
- Why are you both attacking me?
This is not my problem. You know what?
You two, sort it out amongst yourselves.
(Door opens, closes)
(Sighs) Mum...
everything I thought I knew
about you has been a lie.
Everything I have done
I have done for you.
You've never wanted for anything.
- Mum, I'm visiting you in prison.
- There's no need to make a fuss about it.
You don't understand at all, do you?
You don't even fucking care!
- Don't...
- Don't speak to me.
I don't want to see you ever again.
I said I'd call you back.
No, no, no. You can't...
You can't shoot Batman.
Batman's got to win!
Fuck's sake!
Crystal, I'm just...
Are you all right?
What... What's going on? Poppy! Poppy!
Pop... My handbag!
Fuck's sake.
Good news, Han.
I'm making Mum's tagine.
We're going Moroccan.
Fucking hell.
What happened to you?
Don't laugh. All right? Just...
- Don't laugh.
- Looking good.
- Hey. You know what will sort you out?
- No.
- Tagine.
- Ben.
Come on, Poppy's out.
We've got the place to ourselves.
Mm. I know she's out.
She just drove off in my bloody taxi.
You know I went with her to see Stephanie?
Jesus. Is she OK?
Ben... I had to walk, yeah?
For miles.
(No audio)
I... I keep going out of my way to help her,
and she just throws it back in my face.
Well, she's just found out
her mum's a prostitute, Hannah.
That's not normal for everyone.
I'm gonna go and get ready for a client.
I thought you said
you had the afternoon off.
- I've got commitments, Ben.
- Well, when am I gonna see you?
(Knock on door)
Hello.
Ooh. (Chuckles) Come in.
- This is foryou.
- Thank you.
I've, erm...
I've...
I've never done this
with anyone but, erm...but Charlotte.
Well, it's not a problem.
I'm sure we can make something work.
- Great.
- OK.
- I'll get changed in the bathroom.
- Yeah, just through there.
(Sighs)
Is it terrible this is
where I feel most relaxed?
Just me, a client, money changing hands -
simple, uncomplicated sex.
(Man) Mummy!
I'm ready to come out now!
What the fuck?!
- What were you thinking by not telling me?
- I take it you're at the appointment, then.
- Yeah, you assume correct.
- (Slapplng)
Are you... Are you with a client?
No.
I'm cooking.
Charlotte, he's wearing a nappy.
- I know. Quaint, isn't it?
- Quaint? No.
Oh, come on. Just...
treat him like a baby.
- Like a baby? How like a baby?
- Tut-tut, Belle. Can't you handle it?
(Sizzling)
Come to Mummy!
Come on.
(She sighs)
Babies, eh? They're just always thirsty.
Thanks.
Whoo!
Hungry. Ooh. Hungry boy.
Ooh!
Hmm?
(Belches)
Where could Henry be?
Could he be...
Henry? Henry, no!
That's my bag!
Give me that! Bad baby!
Very bad baby!
Bath time?
- Uckie! Uckie! Uckie!
- OK, OK! Uckie!
(Sighs)
Uckie.
OK.
OK?
Eeeeooow!
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Eeeeooow!
Tom, hi. I got...
I got your message.
Belle, I was hoping I may have
a decision from you.
It's the end ofthe day.
Time is ticking on your getaway.
Yeah, I know, I know.
It's just, erm...
I've had a lot on my plate.
If only you knew.
- Yeah, OK. Er...
- (Henry cries)
Oh, Tom, I'm gonna
have to call you back.
OK, well... if you change your mind,
there is a ticket with your name on it.
- OK.
- Later!
Wow! Oh!
# Incywincy spider...
(Sleepily) Again.
- # Incywincy spider #
- Again.
Shh. No, shh.
Sleepytime now.
(Henry) Mmm.
(Door closes)
(Moans)
You OK? Yeah, great.
You know, this is my favourite hour
of the week. I don't want to leave.
And when it's over, I think...
can I really go back out there,
where everyone wants a piece of me?
At work, at home.
Sometimes the responsibility feels too much.
Yeah, I know, I'm supposed to be
able to cope. Boss, father...
husband.
Sometimes it's just so nice
to have someone take care
of me for a change.
- You know?
- Yeah.
I know.
Sometimes you just
have to do something foryou.
(She sighs)
(Door closes)
(Footsteps)
(Turns television off)
Hey.
Hey.
(Sighs)
(Poppy moaning)
Is that...
It looks like someone went out
and got themselves pretty hammered.
(Moaning)
Sounds like they're having
a good time, though.
- You know, I was thinking maybe we...
- Oh, Ben!
What?
No, I can't believe she's doing this.
I was going to suggest that
maybe we go out and maybe talk.
No, I'm not gonna let her
behave like this in my house!
You're overreacting.
- Oh, am I?
- Yes.
(Moans)
- What are you doing?
- Ignore her.
She'sjust some sad old hooker.
- Excuse me?
- But don't worry. I won't make you payfor it.
- I'm not that sort ofgirl.
- Get out.
Get your stuff. Get out. Get out.
I can't believe you just did that.
You can'tjust do that!
Poppy, it is not OK for you
to just shag random men off the street.
Why? That's what you do!
What were you thinking, letting
her bring someone back like that?
Come on, it's not that bad.
Ben... she's supposed to be
our responsibility.
No, she's supposed to be
your responsibility.
I didn't ask for any of this, did I?
All I wanted to do was move in here with you
and try and have a normal relationship.
I can't believe you just let her walk
all over you. It's fucking embarrassing.
You're making me sound like
I'm a twat for being nice.
Ben, she's 19 years old!
Yeah, and she's just had
a fucking massive shock!
I think you forget how hard it is, Han.
- Not everyone...
- Oh, God, give me a break.
Not everyone can take
this kind of shit in their stride.
The lies you told,
the lies you have to tell,
the constant fucking insecurity!
Do you know what, if you think about it,
this is a completely fucked-up situation.
Yeah? Well, then maybe you
shouldn't have moved in with me
and my fucked-up situation.
Han?
Hannah?
New York City!
Here I come...
- You're amazing.
- I know.
But I suppose you miss your darling Belle,
Good riddance to her.
Shall we make ourselves
an Oscar-winning picture?
(Squeals)
I want you inside me so bad.
Oh, my.
Can we really sink our
teeth into your story
ifwe're afraid to get our hands
even a little dirty?
- (Moaning)
- And cut!
- Oh, stop!
- Oh, yes!
I know you better
than you know yourself.
If you screw it up again,
you'll break his heart.
- Make a decision,
- You'll break his heart.
- I love you, Hannah,
- Stop, stop, stop!
(Beeping)
No matter how intense
things are at home,
when it comes to work,
there are some opportunities
you simply have to...explore.
- You must be Belle. Yes. Ha!
- Hello.
- Tom, yes. We spoke on the phone.
- Yeah.
Let's go. Ha!
(Sighs)
(Tom chuckles) Oh... Ho-ho!
I have to say, Belle,
I thought your book was...
Ah, Katie, thank you.
Erm... Mmm.
I thought your book was just - wow!
It's sexy, it's uncompromising,
it's risky, it's risqu?.
Well, erm, that was the plan, so that's...
We think it's absolutely perfect
for the big screen. DK adores it.
- And DK is...?
- Dava Kristin!
Come on! She's the hottest new actress
on the indie scene out there.
- (Laughs) Says the producer.
- (Chuckles) That's funny.
Seriously, Belle, I think if you
give us the rights to this book,
we could have a total hit on our hands.
OK, so, we already have
a director attached. Leon.
He's a huge... a huge name on the circuit.
- You have no choice. You must love him.
- (Laughs) OK!
So, Belle, what I suggest we do is that
we fly you out to New York to meet them.
- Really?
- Yeah, really.
Oh.
DK has a slot for you tomorrow.
We'll get you on a BA flight tonight.
Heathrow to JFK,
with a US ETA of 11:35 tomorrow.
First-class, all expenses paid,
champagne on tap.
Don't tell me you're not tempted.
Oh, my goodness!
There she is, looking gorgeous,
Belle is definitely a star,
Look, I'll give you my card.
Erm, well, the thing is, I can't
possibly go at the moment to New York.
I just have so many responsibilities,
and it's just...
I'm just asking you to think about it.
- Oh!
- Ooh!
(Both laugh)
- Call me later.
- OK.
Wow!
(Door closes)
Ben? Poppy?
Anyone?!
I can at least think about it.
#
(Cheering)
What? This is me just thinking about it...
in a very mature and adult way.
Wah!
- (Music stops)
- Poppy!
(Laughs) Hi.
Are you all right?
Erm, well, I was gonna go
and see my mum.
- But what if I can't handle it?
- You'll be able to handle it. You'll be fine.
I was thinking...
maybe you could come with me.
Really? Oh...
I'm just so busy today.
(Stammers) It would really help...
me.
The thing... Poppy, I've...
I've got to get ready for a client, so...
Oh. OK.
Erm, well, when is it?
Er...
Charlotte, hi. Erm...
Something's come up. I need a favour.
- Finding the pressure too much?
- No, I need you to swap a client with me.
I'll take your 4:00, you take my 2:00.
- (Man moans)
- Silence!
(Belle) What?
- Not you.
- Listen. You won't be in there long.
He comes in five.
You just need to stick a finger...
OK.
OK?
Said it once. Won't say it again.
Bye, now.
- (Yells)
- (Man screams)
- Tricks ofthe trade, eh?
- Hm.
(Mobile phone rings)
- Do you charge more?
- What?
For the gross stuff.
Blowjobs... anal, golden showers.
(Mobile phone rings)
Crystal, I'm gonna have to call you back.
Would you consider yourself a feminist?
Yeah. Probably. I mean, I'm...
I believe in equality
and freedom ofchoice,
and I think women should be able
to do what they want.
OK, this is it. This is it.
(Sighs)
- Are you gonna be OK?
- Yeah.
- (Mobile phone rings)
- For God's sake.
I'm gonna have to get this. Sorry.
I told you I'd call you back.
Look...you can't call me when
you're stuck on a role-play.
How the hell would I know
what Catwoman sounds like?
No, no, no, I think it's more like...
"Reowrrr! Reowrrr!"
- What?
- Can't you come in with me?
Belle, what a lovely surprise.
Well, Poppy asked me to come, so...
Hello, darling.
When were you gonna tell me, Mum?
Were you ever gonna tell me?
Eventually.
When I thought you could handle it.
Han... Handle it?
My whole life's been turned upside down.
I could've gone mental.
See? This is exactly why I didn't tell her.
She's so prone to melodrama.
Mum, that is so unfair!
Belle, tell her. Tell her how calm I've been.
Well, I... I think all things...
You've been all right.
Well, if it wasn't for you, Belle,
we wouldn't all be here now.
When I entrusted Poppy to you, I didn't
expect you to let the cat out of the bag.
- Hang on a minute. You can't blame me.
- Mum, you sent me to live with an escort.
How did you expect the
cat to stay in the bag?
Er, actually, Poppy,
I think I've been very discreet.
Obviously not discreet enough.
Hang on a minute.
I didn't ask her to come and live with me.
In fact, she's just been
one more thing I didn't need.
Oh, well, thanks, Belle.
- Yes, very charming, Belle.
- Why are you both attacking me?
This is not my problem. You know what?
You two, sort it out amongst yourselves.
(Door opens, closes)
(Sighs) Mum...
everything I thought I knew
about you has been a lie.
Everything I have done
I have done for you.
You've never wanted for anything.
- Mum, I'm visiting you in prison.
- There's no need to make a fuss about it.
You don't understand at all, do you?
You don't even fucking care!
- Don't...
- Don't speak to me.
I don't want to see you ever again.
I said I'd call you back.
No, no, no. You can't...
You can't shoot Batman.
Batman's got to win!
Fuck's sake!
Crystal, I'm just...
Are you all right?
What... What's going on? Poppy! Poppy!
Pop... My handbag!
Fuck's sake.
Good news, Han.
I'm making Mum's tagine.
We're going Moroccan.
Fucking hell.
What happened to you?
Don't laugh. All right? Just...
- Don't laugh.
- Looking good.
- Hey. You know what will sort you out?
- No.
- Tagine.
- Ben.
Come on, Poppy's out.
We've got the place to ourselves.
Mm. I know she's out.
She just drove off in my bloody taxi.
You know I went with her to see Stephanie?
Jesus. Is she OK?
Ben... I had to walk, yeah?
For miles.
(No audio)
I... I keep going out of my way to help her,
and she just throws it back in my face.
Well, she's just found out
her mum's a prostitute, Hannah.
That's not normal for everyone.
I'm gonna go and get ready for a client.
I thought you said
you had the afternoon off.
- I've got commitments, Ben.
- Well, when am I gonna see you?
(Knock on door)
Hello.
Ooh. (Chuckles) Come in.
- This is foryou.
- Thank you.
I've, erm...
I've...
I've never done this
with anyone but, erm...but Charlotte.
Well, it's not a problem.
I'm sure we can make something work.
- Great.
- OK.
- I'll get changed in the bathroom.
- Yeah, just through there.
(Sighs)
Is it terrible this is
where I feel most relaxed?
Just me, a client, money changing hands -
simple, uncomplicated sex.
(Man) Mummy!
I'm ready to come out now!
What the fuck?!
- What were you thinking by not telling me?
- I take it you're at the appointment, then.
- Yeah, you assume correct.
- (Slapplng)
Are you... Are you with a client?
No.
I'm cooking.
Charlotte, he's wearing a nappy.
- I know. Quaint, isn't it?
- Quaint? No.
Oh, come on. Just...
treat him like a baby.
- Like a baby? How like a baby?
- Tut-tut, Belle. Can't you handle it?
(Sizzling)
Come to Mummy!
Come on.
(She sighs)
Babies, eh? They're just always thirsty.
Thanks.
Whoo!
Hungry. Ooh. Hungry boy.
Ooh!
Hmm?
(Belches)
Where could Henry be?
Could he be...
Henry? Henry, no!
That's my bag!
Give me that! Bad baby!
Very bad baby!
Bath time?
- Uckie! Uckie! Uckie!
- OK, OK! Uckie!
(Sighs)
Uckie.
OK.
OK?
Eeeeooow!
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Eeeeooow!
Tom, hi. I got...
I got your message.
Belle, I was hoping I may have
a decision from you.
It's the end ofthe day.
Time is ticking on your getaway.
Yeah, I know, I know.
It's just, erm...
I've had a lot on my plate.
If only you knew.
- Yeah, OK. Er...
- (Henry cries)
Oh, Tom, I'm gonna
have to call you back.
OK, well... if you change your mind,
there is a ticket with your name on it.
- OK.
- Later!
Wow! Oh!
# Incywincy spider...
(Sleepily) Again.
- # Incywincy spider #
- Again.
Shh. No, shh.
Sleepytime now.
(Henry) Mmm.
(Door closes)
(Moans)
You OK? Yeah, great.
You know, this is my favourite hour
of the week. I don't want to leave.
And when it's over, I think...
can I really go back out there,
where everyone wants a piece of me?
At work, at home.
Sometimes the responsibility feels too much.
Yeah, I know, I'm supposed to be
able to cope. Boss, father...
husband.
Sometimes it's just so nice
to have someone take care
of me for a change.
- You know?
- Yeah.
I know.
Sometimes you just
have to do something foryou.
(She sighs)
(Door closes)
(Footsteps)
(Turns television off)
Hey.
Hey.
(Sighs)
(Poppy moaning)
Is that...
It looks like someone went out
and got themselves pretty hammered.
(Moaning)
Sounds like they're having
a good time, though.
- You know, I was thinking maybe we...
- Oh, Ben!
What?
No, I can't believe she's doing this.
I was going to suggest that
maybe we go out and maybe talk.
No, I'm not gonna let her
behave like this in my house!
You're overreacting.
- Oh, am I?
- Yes.
(Moans)
- What are you doing?
- Ignore her.
She'sjust some sad old hooker.
- Excuse me?
- But don't worry. I won't make you payfor it.
- I'm not that sort ofgirl.
- Get out.
Get your stuff. Get out. Get out.
I can't believe you just did that.
You can'tjust do that!
Poppy, it is not OK for you
to just shag random men off the street.
Why? That's what you do!
What were you thinking, letting
her bring someone back like that?
Come on, it's not that bad.
Ben... she's supposed to be
our responsibility.
No, she's supposed to be
your responsibility.
I didn't ask for any of this, did I?
All I wanted to do was move in here with you
and try and have a normal relationship.
I can't believe you just let her walk
all over you. It's fucking embarrassing.
You're making me sound like
I'm a twat for being nice.
Ben, she's 19 years old!
Yeah, and she's just had
a fucking massive shock!
I think you forget how hard it is, Han.
- Not everyone...
- Oh, God, give me a break.
Not everyone can take
this kind of shit in their stride.
The lies you told,
the lies you have to tell,
the constant fucking insecurity!
Do you know what, if you think about it,
this is a completely fucked-up situation.
Yeah? Well, then maybe you
shouldn't have moved in with me
and my fucked-up situation.
Han?
Hannah?
New York City!
Here I come...
- You're amazing.
- I know.
But I suppose you miss your darling Belle,
Good riddance to her.
Shall we make ourselves
an Oscar-winning picture?
(Squeals)
I want you inside me so bad.
Oh, my.
Can we really sink our
teeth into your story
ifwe're afraid to get our hands
even a little dirty?
- (Moaning)
- And cut!
- Oh, stop!
- Oh, yes!