Secret Diary of a Call Girl (2007–2011): Season 3, Episode 2 - Episode #3.2 - full transcript
Belle's sister Jackie comes to stay,having left her husband, and Belle feels unable to tell her her line of work. However, whilst Belle is out, Jackie is turned on by reading her book and gets very drunk, having sex with Ben who has come to call. Belle is not amused, though nor is Stephanie, who has now worked out that Belle is the author. Nor is Bambi, because black girls get paid less than white. However Bambi does hit it off with new client Byron, a mystery man whom she first encounters being chased down the street.
Hold your breath.
Make a wish. Count to three.
♪ Come with me
♪ And you'll be
♪ In a world of pure imagination
♪ Take a look
♪ And you'll see
♪ Into your imagination
♪ We'll begin
♪ With a spin
♪ Travelling
in the world of my creation
♪ What we'll see will defy
♪ Explanation...
We all fantasise,
to escape our ordinary lives.
And, in my line of work,
I AM the fantasy.
♪ Simply look around and view it
Every encounter lingers
like a ghost,
following me all the way home.
It keeps me company.
Someone to share the secret of
who I am, and what I've just done.
Jackie?
We need to talk.
What is this place?
It's a fetish club.
I can't tell Jackie
what I do for a living,
but I can open her mind.
Reboot her sex drive.
And what better place to begin
her education than here?
Look at them!
These people are disgusting.
Most people see sex as a bit of fun.
You need to loosen up a bit.
I do not need loosening up.
You need tightening up.
Does mum know how much
you masturbate?
Does mum know you've left Patrick?
Hannah, can we leave please?
I need a wee and I couldn't fit my
hand sanitizer in this stupid handbag
and I am not getting an STD from one
of these freaks, thanks very much.
When was the last time you had sex?
What?
A couple of months?
Yes. A couple of months.
How many?
Six.
Or 11.
I want to leave
and I want to leave now.
You wear open-toed shoes,
you're going to get licked.
Excuse me. Hello.
Is there a problem, my love? We'd like
this coat back please. We're leaving.
Why are you leaving now? You look
gorgeous! Because she's miserable.
She's hasn't had sex in a year,
she left her husband,
cos he had a fling,
and she's sleeping on my sofa.
Oh, you poor thing.
That sounds awful. Are you OK?
I'm fine thanks.
It's really not something -
She's really uptight.
My ex did exactly the same.
I could just about understand
a little fling.
What I couldn't stomach was
the secrecy.
That's what
I've been trying to tell her,
but she doesn't understand.
She's young, isn't she?
I do understand.
I sort of understand.
She's never even had
a proper relationship.
Oh, sweetheart.
Look, I've just finished my shift
for the night.
Do you fancy a drink?
You look like
you could do with one.
♪ Take me away
Just look at
all these delicious deviants:
toe licking teachers,
busty bank managers,
cling-filmed cupboard care workers.
♪ With this burning
deep inside... ♪
The ultimate voyeurism:
peeping into
other people's fantasies.
You can look, but you can't judge.
Sweet.
It's all my fault, I know.
That's so not true.
Make it really tight. Tighter.
Oh! Tighter.
Ah! Yeah, that's it. Yes.
Stephanie?
Oh! Well, well, well.
Business or pleasure?
Pleasure. You?
Bit of both.
How is business?
Yeah, you know. Busy.
Regulars keep me in shoes.
I meant the writing work.
You are a writer now, aren't you?
I don't know
what you're talking about.
I know it was you who wrote
that filthy little book.
I want to know why you said I've
been ripping off girls for years.
Well, you have. It's hardly slander.
You called me
as sexy as a smear test!
Yeah, I was quite pleased
with that one.
It's cheap, Belle.
A cheap joke for a cheap whore.
Oh, really?
I seem to remember you describing me
as 'deluxe' on your website.
Well, delightful as this has been,
you'll have to excuse me.
♪ Do I look like a slut?
♪ Do I look like a slut? ♪
Under the cloak of darkness,
our fantasies can come out to play.
But, when the sun comes up,
We all have a life
to be getting on with.
Fulfilling a client's fantasy
takes a lot of careful preparation.
You have to exfoliate away
any hint of real life.
Jackie!
Sorry, I can't wait any longer.
If I was on Belle's rate, I would
have earned £2,000 more this week.
And your point is?
My point is - it's not fair.
Sorry, I still don't get
what your point is.
I want to go up to 350 an hour.
And I don't want
any more one-hour clients.
No-one will pay 350 quid an hour
for you.
Why not?
Darling, you're common.
What? They want Stepford Wives
who can suck,
not EastEnders who can fuck.
Just because you've known me from the
start doesn't mean you can hold me back.
Bambi, we can't charge
any more for you.
You're black.
Tell me you didn't just say that.
I know! Outrageous isn't it?
Especially as all of you girls
have superior figures.
Are you telling me I can't go up to
350 an hour because I'm not white?
The clients won't pay
for black girls.
And don't blame me.
Blame the racist clients.
Yes, hello.
I've got a lovely girl as dev...
Right. Shut up!
I might not be as posh as you,
but you can fuck off
if you think I'm gonna stand here
and let you tell me
I'm cheap because I'm black.
I'm not racist. It's just a fact
that clients do not pay for -
No, no, no, no.
You're not listening to me, yeah.
Didn't they teach you
to listen in posh school?
You set our rates, not the clients.
I can't dictate
people's sexual preferences.
You can dictate that black girls -
and, by way, I'm mixed race -
are worth less than white girls?
Do you do that? Do you do that?
Because if there is somebody else
in charge,
I would like
to speak to them please.
Have you been in here again?
What are you looking for?
It doesn't matter.
Do you want me to get that?
No, just leave it.
Han, it's Ben. I'm coming over
with some booze to celebrate.
I've just finished reading -
Why didn't you pick it up?
When are you going to go home?
Who's that?
No-one.
It must be someone.
Why don't you check the train times
on my laptop?
What do you want? You haven't
been answering your phone.
Stephanie's given me a booking
with an aristocrat
and I just need to go through
some things.
I'm in a rush, Bambi -
But it's my biggest client yet.
Yeah and I've got a client too,
and I'm in a rush.
That's OK, I'll talk,
you get ready. No.
Well, why not? Cos my sister's
still here and you can't meet her.
Now I've got to go.
Why? Is it because I'm common?
What?
Is it because I'm black?
No, it's because you're a whore,
you muppet.
Belle!
What was all that about?
Just a neighbour...
complaining about noise.
Oh, sorry, I dropped that
last night in the club.
I don't think any of those people
last night were happy. Mm-hm?
I mean, they were nice people but
the way they live their lives...
'Oh, look at me!
I've got a bolt through my winkle.
I've never had
a normal relationship. '
And your relationship with Patrick
is going just perfect, isn't it?
What's that supposed to mean?
Forget it.
Come on.
No. There's no point.
Hannah, I want to know
what you think you know.
All right.
You treat him like a pet, not a man.
You run him down
in front of everyone.
And you're a relationship expert
now, are you?
You know what, let's just leave it,
shall we? Let's not just leave it.
I don't see why you think you're
so qualified to dole out advice.
I'm not.
Who do you think you are?
Your life is going nowhere.
Mum and Dad are always saying how
disappointed they are with you,
not using your degree,
not getting a proper job.
And they'd rather me have a dead end
job in a dead end marriage
in a dead end town like you,
would they?
Yes. Because at least then you
wouldn't be a secretary
whose only chance
of getting anywhere
is by fucking her way to the top.
And what have you ever achieved?
A dried-up marriage with some
boring man you can't even keep!
I can't believe you just hit me.
Savile Row, please.
Don't take notes, OK?
This is not the way
to create a fantasy.
Oh, no.
♪ What's up with my heart
when it skips a beat?
♪ Skips a beat
♪ Can't feel no pavement
right under my feet
♪ Under my feet
♪ Up in my lonely room
♪ Wa-ooh!
♪ When I'm dreaming of you
♪ Oh, what can I do?
♪ Wa-ooh!
♪ I still need you
♪ But I don't want you now... ♪
Oh, for fuck's sake!
♪ When I'm down
and my hands are tied
♪ Hands are tied
♪ I cannot reach a pen
for me to draw the line
♪ Draw the line
♪ From this pain,
I just can't disguise
♪ Can't disguise
♪ It's gonna hurt
♪ But I'll have to say goodbye
♪ Say goodbye
♪ Up in my lonely room
♪ Wa-ooh!
♪ When I'm dreaming of you... ♪
Hello?
Hey!
# Oh, what can I do?
Oh, hi. Come up.
# I still need you
♪ But I don't want you now
♪ Oh, yeah... ♪
Hello?
Hi.
Hi.
What's... What's this for?
Oh, I've come to celebrate.
Is Han in?
She's out, but... I'm in.
Hmm.
♪ Up in my lonely room
♪ When I'm dreaming of you... ♪
For this client,
everything has to be just so.
Hamish.
Oh, Belle, you look amazing.
I don't normally drink on the job,
but today I'm feeling naughty.
That's good to hear.
Not just yet.
What?
Oh! Yeah, yeah.
Now, I know you asked
for black underwear
but today, I dunno,
today felt like a red day.
Red.
It certainly is a red day.
Is it OK?
This is great, yeah.
I was worried you wouldn't want me.
It's perfect. You're perfect.
I thought I might be in trouble,
if I got something wrong.
You are in trouble now.
Come with me.
Oh, what happened to your eye?
It's... I knocked it earlier.
It's fine.
Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on.
I need to know how it happened.
Really?
You weren't hit by your pimp,
were you?
If you have to know, I had a fight
with my sister over some lipstick.
So it wasn't a pimp?
No. It was a sister.
OK.
OK.
Sorry, sorry.
No. It's not happening.
What? Why?
Look I can't do this. Not with...
You shouldn't have a bruised eye.
But...
Look, it's not how I had it...
It's not sexy.
Well, we could dim the lights.
No, no, it's OK.
You could try squinting.
You could put a bag
over my head.
You could put a bag over your head.
It's not going to happen, is it?
Sorry, I think the moment's passed.
It's OK, don't apologise.
It's just a bit... real.
Yeah. No, I totally get it.
Once the sexy bubble's burst,
it's burst.
Well, that went well!
Yeah, I'm on the right street,
I think.
Where are you? You still there?
Yeah, I can't see you.
Bambi!
Is there anybody called Bambi
out here?
Yeah, its me. Hi.
Hello, I'm Byron.
How the fuck are you?
Did you just curtsey, then?
Yeah.
Well don't. You look ridiculous.
You're not American, are you?
No.
Yes, well, don't.
Where are we going?
Excellent.
I'm very glad you asked that.
Would you be so kind
as to remove your shoes for me?
Er. OK.
Marvellous.
Why?
Well, because now, I'm afraid,
we're going to have to run.
What? OK.
Run!
Oh, my days. This is amazing.
Woo!
What?
Oh, what?
Drink it.
This is a disgrace, referee...
This is the best game of chess
I've ever played. Ever.
Play much, do you?
This is the first time.
No, I like my games with,
like, balls in the middle.
Ball sports.
Only ball games I like.
Drink! Drink!
Thank you.
Do you know what else I like?
What?
You, pissed.
It's brilliant.
You should be pissed more often.
Am I more fun?
Yeah.
More... sexy?
Well, yeah.
Wow!
What?
Get out of my sister!
Oh, Han.
I'm sorry, Han.
What are you doing, Ben?
We were playing chess.
Oh.
Bye, Han.
What are you playing at?
It's just a bit of fun.
You haven't had sex in a year
and the first person you choose
to do it with is my best mate.
You're the one who wanted me
to whatsit... loosen up.
Where are you going?
I'm going to Ben's.
Finish what we started.
We had a fight. You punched me.
Is there anything you want to say?
Is there anything you wanna say
to me? Yeah, don't go to Ben's.
You don't want me here, remember.
I don't want you at Ben's either.
The key to fantasy
is knowing that you're in one.
It's when you start thinking it's
real that things become complicated.
Fantasy and reality,
and never the twain shall meet.
What do you do when you can't write?
Writer's block?
I'm all alone in the flat
and I can't write.
And everyone's gone out
and I've finally got peace and quiet
and I just... I can't do it,
you know, I just sit here.
Nothing happens.
Well, maybe you just need
someone to talk to.
Maybe.
I'd like to hear whatever
you have to say,
whether it's in a book,
over the phone, whatever.
I bet you say that
to all your writers.
How was your day?
We want to know about
desire. How it works.
What's underneath it?
No problem.
Why don't you tell me
what you'd like to do?
I want to fuck you really hard.
Sorry.
You're really unapologetic about
your enjoyment of the job.
That's... what I do.
Uploaded by Lauta
Make a wish. Count to three.
♪ Come with me
♪ And you'll be
♪ In a world of pure imagination
♪ Take a look
♪ And you'll see
♪ Into your imagination
♪ We'll begin
♪ With a spin
♪ Travelling
in the world of my creation
♪ What we'll see will defy
♪ Explanation...
We all fantasise,
to escape our ordinary lives.
And, in my line of work,
I AM the fantasy.
♪ Simply look around and view it
Every encounter lingers
like a ghost,
following me all the way home.
It keeps me company.
Someone to share the secret of
who I am, and what I've just done.
Jackie?
We need to talk.
What is this place?
It's a fetish club.
I can't tell Jackie
what I do for a living,
but I can open her mind.
Reboot her sex drive.
And what better place to begin
her education than here?
Look at them!
These people are disgusting.
Most people see sex as a bit of fun.
You need to loosen up a bit.
I do not need loosening up.
You need tightening up.
Does mum know how much
you masturbate?
Does mum know you've left Patrick?
Hannah, can we leave please?
I need a wee and I couldn't fit my
hand sanitizer in this stupid handbag
and I am not getting an STD from one
of these freaks, thanks very much.
When was the last time you had sex?
What?
A couple of months?
Yes. A couple of months.
How many?
Six.
Or 11.
I want to leave
and I want to leave now.
You wear open-toed shoes,
you're going to get licked.
Excuse me. Hello.
Is there a problem, my love? We'd like
this coat back please. We're leaving.
Why are you leaving now? You look
gorgeous! Because she's miserable.
She's hasn't had sex in a year,
she left her husband,
cos he had a fling,
and she's sleeping on my sofa.
Oh, you poor thing.
That sounds awful. Are you OK?
I'm fine thanks.
It's really not something -
She's really uptight.
My ex did exactly the same.
I could just about understand
a little fling.
What I couldn't stomach was
the secrecy.
That's what
I've been trying to tell her,
but she doesn't understand.
She's young, isn't she?
I do understand.
I sort of understand.
She's never even had
a proper relationship.
Oh, sweetheart.
Look, I've just finished my shift
for the night.
Do you fancy a drink?
You look like
you could do with one.
♪ Take me away
Just look at
all these delicious deviants:
toe licking teachers,
busty bank managers,
cling-filmed cupboard care workers.
♪ With this burning
deep inside... ♪
The ultimate voyeurism:
peeping into
other people's fantasies.
You can look, but you can't judge.
Sweet.
It's all my fault, I know.
That's so not true.
Make it really tight. Tighter.
Oh! Tighter.
Ah! Yeah, that's it. Yes.
Stephanie?
Oh! Well, well, well.
Business or pleasure?
Pleasure. You?
Bit of both.
How is business?
Yeah, you know. Busy.
Regulars keep me in shoes.
I meant the writing work.
You are a writer now, aren't you?
I don't know
what you're talking about.
I know it was you who wrote
that filthy little book.
I want to know why you said I've
been ripping off girls for years.
Well, you have. It's hardly slander.
You called me
as sexy as a smear test!
Yeah, I was quite pleased
with that one.
It's cheap, Belle.
A cheap joke for a cheap whore.
Oh, really?
I seem to remember you describing me
as 'deluxe' on your website.
Well, delightful as this has been,
you'll have to excuse me.
♪ Do I look like a slut?
♪ Do I look like a slut? ♪
Under the cloak of darkness,
our fantasies can come out to play.
But, when the sun comes up,
We all have a life
to be getting on with.
Fulfilling a client's fantasy
takes a lot of careful preparation.
You have to exfoliate away
any hint of real life.
Jackie!
Sorry, I can't wait any longer.
If I was on Belle's rate, I would
have earned £2,000 more this week.
And your point is?
My point is - it's not fair.
Sorry, I still don't get
what your point is.
I want to go up to 350 an hour.
And I don't want
any more one-hour clients.
No-one will pay 350 quid an hour
for you.
Why not?
Darling, you're common.
What? They want Stepford Wives
who can suck,
not EastEnders who can fuck.
Just because you've known me from the
start doesn't mean you can hold me back.
Bambi, we can't charge
any more for you.
You're black.
Tell me you didn't just say that.
I know! Outrageous isn't it?
Especially as all of you girls
have superior figures.
Are you telling me I can't go up to
350 an hour because I'm not white?
The clients won't pay
for black girls.
And don't blame me.
Blame the racist clients.
Yes, hello.
I've got a lovely girl as dev...
Right. Shut up!
I might not be as posh as you,
but you can fuck off
if you think I'm gonna stand here
and let you tell me
I'm cheap because I'm black.
I'm not racist. It's just a fact
that clients do not pay for -
No, no, no, no.
You're not listening to me, yeah.
Didn't they teach you
to listen in posh school?
You set our rates, not the clients.
I can't dictate
people's sexual preferences.
You can dictate that black girls -
and, by way, I'm mixed race -
are worth less than white girls?
Do you do that? Do you do that?
Because if there is somebody else
in charge,
I would like
to speak to them please.
Have you been in here again?
What are you looking for?
It doesn't matter.
Do you want me to get that?
No, just leave it.
Han, it's Ben. I'm coming over
with some booze to celebrate.
I've just finished reading -
Why didn't you pick it up?
When are you going to go home?
Who's that?
No-one.
It must be someone.
Why don't you check the train times
on my laptop?
What do you want? You haven't
been answering your phone.
Stephanie's given me a booking
with an aristocrat
and I just need to go through
some things.
I'm in a rush, Bambi -
But it's my biggest client yet.
Yeah and I've got a client too,
and I'm in a rush.
That's OK, I'll talk,
you get ready. No.
Well, why not? Cos my sister's
still here and you can't meet her.
Now I've got to go.
Why? Is it because I'm common?
What?
Is it because I'm black?
No, it's because you're a whore,
you muppet.
Belle!
What was all that about?
Just a neighbour...
complaining about noise.
Oh, sorry, I dropped that
last night in the club.
I don't think any of those people
last night were happy. Mm-hm?
I mean, they were nice people but
the way they live their lives...
'Oh, look at me!
I've got a bolt through my winkle.
I've never had
a normal relationship. '
And your relationship with Patrick
is going just perfect, isn't it?
What's that supposed to mean?
Forget it.
Come on.
No. There's no point.
Hannah, I want to know
what you think you know.
All right.
You treat him like a pet, not a man.
You run him down
in front of everyone.
And you're a relationship expert
now, are you?
You know what, let's just leave it,
shall we? Let's not just leave it.
I don't see why you think you're
so qualified to dole out advice.
I'm not.
Who do you think you are?
Your life is going nowhere.
Mum and Dad are always saying how
disappointed they are with you,
not using your degree,
not getting a proper job.
And they'd rather me have a dead end
job in a dead end marriage
in a dead end town like you,
would they?
Yes. Because at least then you
wouldn't be a secretary
whose only chance
of getting anywhere
is by fucking her way to the top.
And what have you ever achieved?
A dried-up marriage with some
boring man you can't even keep!
I can't believe you just hit me.
Savile Row, please.
Don't take notes, OK?
This is not the way
to create a fantasy.
Oh, no.
♪ What's up with my heart
when it skips a beat?
♪ Skips a beat
♪ Can't feel no pavement
right under my feet
♪ Under my feet
♪ Up in my lonely room
♪ Wa-ooh!
♪ When I'm dreaming of you
♪ Oh, what can I do?
♪ Wa-ooh!
♪ I still need you
♪ But I don't want you now... ♪
Oh, for fuck's sake!
♪ When I'm down
and my hands are tied
♪ Hands are tied
♪ I cannot reach a pen
for me to draw the line
♪ Draw the line
♪ From this pain,
I just can't disguise
♪ Can't disguise
♪ It's gonna hurt
♪ But I'll have to say goodbye
♪ Say goodbye
♪ Up in my lonely room
♪ Wa-ooh!
♪ When I'm dreaming of you... ♪
Hello?
Hey!
# Oh, what can I do?
Oh, hi. Come up.
# I still need you
♪ But I don't want you now
♪ Oh, yeah... ♪
Hello?
Hi.
Hi.
What's... What's this for?
Oh, I've come to celebrate.
Is Han in?
She's out, but... I'm in.
Hmm.
♪ Up in my lonely room
♪ When I'm dreaming of you... ♪
For this client,
everything has to be just so.
Hamish.
Oh, Belle, you look amazing.
I don't normally drink on the job,
but today I'm feeling naughty.
That's good to hear.
Not just yet.
What?
Oh! Yeah, yeah.
Now, I know you asked
for black underwear
but today, I dunno,
today felt like a red day.
Red.
It certainly is a red day.
Is it OK?
This is great, yeah.
I was worried you wouldn't want me.
It's perfect. You're perfect.
I thought I might be in trouble,
if I got something wrong.
You are in trouble now.
Come with me.
Oh, what happened to your eye?
It's... I knocked it earlier.
It's fine.
Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on.
I need to know how it happened.
Really?
You weren't hit by your pimp,
were you?
If you have to know, I had a fight
with my sister over some lipstick.
So it wasn't a pimp?
No. It was a sister.
OK.
OK.
Sorry, sorry.
No. It's not happening.
What? Why?
Look I can't do this. Not with...
You shouldn't have a bruised eye.
But...
Look, it's not how I had it...
It's not sexy.
Well, we could dim the lights.
No, no, it's OK.
You could try squinting.
You could put a bag
over my head.
You could put a bag over your head.
It's not going to happen, is it?
Sorry, I think the moment's passed.
It's OK, don't apologise.
It's just a bit... real.
Yeah. No, I totally get it.
Once the sexy bubble's burst,
it's burst.
Well, that went well!
Yeah, I'm on the right street,
I think.
Where are you? You still there?
Yeah, I can't see you.
Bambi!
Is there anybody called Bambi
out here?
Yeah, its me. Hi.
Hello, I'm Byron.
How the fuck are you?
Did you just curtsey, then?
Yeah.
Well don't. You look ridiculous.
You're not American, are you?
No.
Yes, well, don't.
Where are we going?
Excellent.
I'm very glad you asked that.
Would you be so kind
as to remove your shoes for me?
Er. OK.
Marvellous.
Why?
Well, because now, I'm afraid,
we're going to have to run.
What? OK.
Run!
Oh, my days. This is amazing.
Woo!
What?
Oh, what?
Drink it.
This is a disgrace, referee...
This is the best game of chess
I've ever played. Ever.
Play much, do you?
This is the first time.
No, I like my games with,
like, balls in the middle.
Ball sports.
Only ball games I like.
Drink! Drink!
Thank you.
Do you know what else I like?
What?
You, pissed.
It's brilliant.
You should be pissed more often.
Am I more fun?
Yeah.
More... sexy?
Well, yeah.
Wow!
What?
Get out of my sister!
Oh, Han.
I'm sorry, Han.
What are you doing, Ben?
We were playing chess.
Oh.
Bye, Han.
What are you playing at?
It's just a bit of fun.
You haven't had sex in a year
and the first person you choose
to do it with is my best mate.
You're the one who wanted me
to whatsit... loosen up.
Where are you going?
I'm going to Ben's.
Finish what we started.
We had a fight. You punched me.
Is there anything you want to say?
Is there anything you wanna say
to me? Yeah, don't go to Ben's.
You don't want me here, remember.
I don't want you at Ben's either.
The key to fantasy
is knowing that you're in one.
It's when you start thinking it's
real that things become complicated.
Fantasy and reality,
and never the twain shall meet.
What do you do when you can't write?
Writer's block?
I'm all alone in the flat
and I can't write.
And everyone's gone out
and I've finally got peace and quiet
and I just... I can't do it,
you know, I just sit here.
Nothing happens.
Well, maybe you just need
someone to talk to.
Maybe.
I'd like to hear whatever
you have to say,
whether it's in a book,
over the phone, whatever.
I bet you say that
to all your writers.
How was your day?
We want to know about
desire. How it works.
What's underneath it?
No problem.
Why don't you tell me
what you'd like to do?
I want to fuck you really hard.
Sorry.
You're really unapologetic about
your enjoyment of the job.
That's... what I do.
Uploaded by Lauta