Secret Diary of a Call Girl (2007–2011): Season 2, Episode 6 - Episode #2.6 - full transcript

You get knocked down.
You get back in the ring.

I'm not upset about Alex.
I'm just not.

Work. That's all I need.

Oh, the prodigal daughter
has returned.

What do you want?
A job.

You think you can just waltz back
in?

I'm not a life-support machine.

I need a job, Stephanie, not oxygen.

If you want something,
you have to be sweet.

Didn't anyone ever tell you that?

Thanks.



I heard you'd been off the circuit.

You were misinformed.

You fell for someone.

What?!

I thought nothing could shock me.

I hope he was worth it.

Can't have been loaded,
or you wouldn't be here.

Real romantic, aren't you?

Belle! I thought you said you'd
never work for St...

There's a party tonight.
Diplomats. In the country.

They always come to me.
They want high-class girls.

It's all very hush-hush.

OK. Count me in.

Can I go too?



Did you not hear the words "high
class"?

Aw, come on.

Let her come. I'll take care of her.

Oh, bugger it. Take her.
Money's money.

Thanks.

Do you know what love is, Belle?

A marketing ploy.

Remember that.

So what's happening with you and
Alex?

Oh, nothing. It's all past tense.
Oh, sorry.

Oh bloody hell, Belle. Look at that.

You might meet someone tonight.

Oh, that's a pretty safe bet.

Ladies...

This is amazing.

Quick. Take my picture.

All right...

Let me see. That's good.

Ladies and gentlemen,

if you would all get together,
please...

Could we all gather together,
please?

People keep telling me that life is
not a fairy tale.

I aim to prove them wrong.

Welcome.

This evening, we are all in one such
fairy tale.

Some cards
will be handed out to you.

They will tell you which character
you are tonight.

The aim is to find your perfect
partner...

or partners!

To create...

Sex parties
are pretty straightforward.

You replace a bowl of crisps with a
bowl of condoms,

find your target,

preferably the most attractive man in
the room.

Small talk, cash, cab home. Done.

But this...

This is a bit different.

Thank you.

It's not like you to drink so much.

Well, I don't really feel like me
tonight.

So what happens next?

This is the delicate bit.

The transition from small talk to,
like, full-on fucking.

Shall I just wait, then?

No. You just approach whoever you
like the look of.

OK. So who are you supposed to be?

Rapunzel.

Obviously.

I need to find a man who can climb
walls

and my hair.

So glad I'm not Snow White. Fucked
if I'm doing it with seven dwarfs!

My name is Bond.

James Bond.

Yuri, you were supposed to come as a
character from a bloody fairy tale.

James. Didn't he like Pussy Galore?

Ooh!

Come with me, 007. I'm going to tell
you all my secrets.

Didn't Pinocchio turn into a donkey?

Yes.

Donkey.

Quite.

So.

How about it?

Maybe later.

Ah.

You're my first Russian.

Not Russian. Angliski.

Bond. James Bond.

Little Red Riding Hood -
if you have to shoot the wolf...

Careful, careful.

Shit. Is it real?

Of course.

So if the big bad wolf comes with
the big bad teeth,...

Let me just put this over here.

# THE SUNSHINE OF YOUR LOVE

# In the sunshine of your love

# Love love

# Oh baby

# Sunshine sunshine of your love

# Oh, oh, oh, baby

# I'm with you my love

# The light's shining through

# On you

# I'm with you my love #

You lost your Cinderella.

Did you manage to grab her shoe
before she left?

Shit.
I knew there was something.

Do you like it?

Watching?

Sometimes. You?

I'd like watching with you, yeah.

Let's spend the night together.

The whole night? There are so many
women here.

Not interested.
I just want you.

Why?

Give me one good reason why not.

Rapunzel.

Rapunzel.

Let down your hair.

Come and be in my story.

Imagine how hard the prince wanted
to fuck Rapunzel...

..after he'd waited so long for her.

Talk to me.

Tell me what you like.

I want you to do what I say.

OK.

You'll be a good girl?
Yes.

Promise?
Promise.

Close your eyes.

Is that nice?

Yes.

What are you doing?

Shh.

It's OK. Close your eyes.

Close your eyes.

You're tied up. In the tower.

And I am going to rescue you.

I don't really want to be tied up.

Shh. Don't spoil it.

It's only a fantasy.
Don't make it real.

I really don't want to be tied.

Shut up.

I've waited a long time to do this.

Fuck a real live whore.

Untie me now.

No.

I've paid for you. I'll do what I
want.

This isn't funny. Unlock it, or I'll
scream.

You said we'd spend the night
together.

And we will.

Whether you scream or not.

What was that?

It's nothing.

No, it sounded like Belle.

Bambi. It's a sex party. People make
noises.

Not like that, they don't.

Give me a break.

Belle! Belle!

Belle.

Sorry. Belle!

Belle!

Belle!

This room is busy.

Belle, are you in there?

Give me the gun.

Help me!

Belle! Belle!

You sick bastard. Untie her now.

Piss off. This is none of your
business.

Untie her, or I'll shoot.

I don't like bullies.

Now you say you're sorry.

Say you're sorry.

OK.

I'm sorry.

What the hell is going on?

I caught that Rapunzel slag trying
to nick cards out of my wallet.

And her mate is a fucking psycho.

And she has my gun.

Stop those girls!

Stop them! Stop them!

Shit, Belle. We've got to go.

# OH MY GOD

# Oh my God I can't believe it

# I've never been this far away from
home

# Oh my God I can't believe it #

Are you all right?

We could have died back there.

Yeah, well. Comes with the job.

No. It shouldn't.

Oh, phone. Let's call someone to get
us out of here.

Give it here.

Ben!

Ben, can you hear me, Ben?

Bugger it. No signal.

It's Ben.

Hello?

Hello, Ben. Can you...?

How are you?

Yeah, yeah, good. Um...

Do you know Upper Hinton
Chubhurst Hill area?

Chubhurst Hill? Yeah. Um...

No reason. It's just...
You know, it's...

beautiful at this time of year.

Yeah, OK.

Well, I was just maybe thinking...

Why do people turn like that -
from, like, normal

to completely psychotic?

I don't know.
You win some, you lose some.

I thought it would help.

What would help?

Sex with strangers.

Help what?
Nothing.

The Alex thing?

No. Maybe...

I don't know.

What was his problem, anyway?

Was he possessive, depressive?
Oh, you don't want one of them.

End up killing himself. Make you
feel guilty about it.

He found out that I'm a prostitute.

Oh... Shit.

So what are you going to do?

There's nothing I can do.

Oh... heels!

I need to sit down.

Do you love Alex?

Ever been in love before?

You?

One time.

I was 16. Beautiful, he was.
Really kind.

Once he put a pillow in the bath for
me.

What a lunatic. A pillow.

I think you should just tell him how
you feel.

I already have.

Well, tell him again.

And what if he still doesn't want to
know?

Then you give up.

You don't want to look a complete
cock, do you?

It's Ben.

Ben!

Ben. Don't ask. Ben!

Bambi. Bambi, Ben.

Hi, Ben.

Hey, Bambi.

OK. First stop, Little Red Riding
Hood's gaff.

Are you going to tell me what
happened?

I mean, you don't have to explain,
but...

Thanks.

Do you want a cup of tea?

No. Vanessa will worry.

OK.

I'm sorry for um...

being such a liability recently.

I've just been a bit...

One cup of tea.

Just a minute.

I guess I'll make it.

'You have one message.

Message 1:

Belle. I heard about the
royal cock-up.

You were meant to fuck them, not
shoot them.

You owe me commission, plus
damages.'

You're out of jam.

'End of messages.'

You might be in shock, you know.

You probably won't sleep.

Adrenaline.

We'll go clubbing if you like.
What?

Joke.

Oh. Sorry. I'm not er...

Not very funny tonight.

You're never funny.

Yes, I am.

All right. Tell me a joke.

OK.

A man goes into the doctor's,
and he says,

"Hey, doc.

I've got a real problem.

I think I'm obsessed with sex."

And the doctor goes, "I'm just going
to show you some pictures.

So he goes and gets these images out.

Images?

Images. Pictures. Whatever. My joke.
Sorry.

And er, the first picture
is of a cardboard box.

And he says,

"What does this make you think
about?"

And the guy says,

"Two people making love."

And the doctor says,

And then he goes and gets a second
picture.

And it's of an elephant.

And he says,
"What does this make you think of?"

And the man says,
"Two people making love."

And then the doctor says,

"I hate to tell you this, sir.

You really do have a problem.

You're completely obsessed with sex."

Is that it?

Yeah.

Would you stay the night?

You can sleep on the couch.

Please.

OK. Yeah.

Good night, then.

Good night.

# Might have been a while

# Since you've been loved

# Like you should be loved

# Might have been a while

# Since you've been... #

Oh, you're there.

I told it wrong.
What?

The joke.

After the doctor shows him the second
picture, he says,

"I'm terribly sorry to tell you this,
sir, but yes, you do have a problem.

You're completely obsessed with sex."

And the man goes,

"Me? You're the one showing me all
the dirty pictures."

You've got light in your eyes.

I was thinking about what you were
saying about adrenaline,

and how it runs through your body
and you can't really control it.

Do you think it's in there now?

I reckon you'd feel it.

I don't know what I feel any more.

Sometimes I think I can't feel
anything.

That's stupid.

Well, I am stupid.

No you're not.

A bit. I am a bit.

Stupid. Cold.

You're not cold.
Why are you saying this?

Do you think I'm cold?
Of course not.

Can I have a cuddle for a minute?
Yes, you can. Get in.

# Might have been a while

# Since you could trust

# That someone really cares

Hannah

# When people like us

# Meant to go round in pairs

# And summer breeze is
blowing through your window

# And summer breeze is
blowing through your hair

# Something in your eyes

# That took me by surprise

# Don't tell me
that it ain't there #

Sorry.

Me and you are over.

If I wasn't an escort, would we
still be together?

I've packed in escorting.
I'm going to get a job.

We are going to have to give you a
special task only you can do.

I've never felt so disgusted in my
life.

I'm going to keep on making mistakes

until I do the one thing that makes
you love me again.