Secret Diary of a Call Girl (2007–2011): Season 2, Episode 4 - Episode #2.4 - full transcript
Now dating Alex, Belle invites him to lunch with Ben but the boys do not really hit it off and the exercise is a failure. A threesome arranged by Bambi with a vulgar club-owner is also a fiasco as Belle keeps seeing Alex's face instead of the client's.
Fantastic sex.
With someone I actually like.
A bit.
Quite a bit.
I think.
When did sex become so complicated?
Shit! First client in 6 days,
I cannot be late for this.
Alex!
Mm!
What?
I have to leave.
What's the panic?
I've erm, I've got a meeting.
On a Saturday?
Yeah, I'm meeting...
a friend.
Jemima from school...for lunch.
I'll come.
Er, no, no.
You can't come without a warning.
That's just not very polite.
Well, text her and warn her.
She's a bit... She's a bit weird.
She's not very nice...to men.
She's a horrible...
horrible, horrible woman and you
do not wanna have lunch with her.
OK.
OK.
# FEIST: My Moon My Man
'Not one of my usual hotels.
But then this isn't
a usual kind of job.
This one's been set up
by my new best friend.'
Bambi's idea of a favour.
A threesome with, wait for it,
a distinguished nightclub owner.
Bambi is a complete liability but...
needs must.
Belle.
What's wrong?
You're gonna kill me, babes.
What happened?
I've got a little friend
come to stay.
Who?
Aunty Flo.
Bambi, have you taken something?
What? No. I...
I've got the painters in.
Oh, you're taking the -
I know. Please don't shout at me.
My head's banging.
I'm not shouting.
How can you not know when
your period's due? Page one, Bambi.
I dunno. I just...forgot.
I lost my diary. This month's
flown by. I've been up the wall.
Look, we can call Stephanie.
Get one of the other girls in.
He's here in five minutes.
Well, I'll just say my nan's died
and it's just you.
We can give him a discount.
No! Absolutely no way!
It's completely unprofessional!
Well, what am I supposed to do?
What's this?
That's sponge.
And what am I supposed to do
with it?
Not on your life, babe.
OK.
Belle, wait.
What if it's still got Jif on it?
Straight out the packet.
Are you sure it's gonna work?
Yeah.
If it's up high enough,
it should be fine. Ugh.
Fine.
(KNOCKING)
# THE KINKS: I Gotta Move
Beautiful.
Close, Belle.
Ha, ha. Girl with a quick wit!
Love it, love it, love it.
Martin.
Delighted to meet you, Belle.
So, captivating as you are, Belle,
I trust this isn't a party
just for two.
Ah.
Hi, there. I'm Bambi.
Wham-bam, Bambi!
Mwah.
So, can I get you anything, Martin?
I think I've got everything I need,
thank you very much.
Oh, yeah.
# DONNA SUMMER:
Love To Love You, Baby
Mm.
Oh, my God. Is that what I look like?
I mean, she looks ridiculous.
Not her fault.
She's just doing her job.
If that's what the client wants,
that's what the client gets.
Come on, Belle. Get involved.
Mm.
(BOTH MOAN)
Hey!
What about that, then?
Here we go!
Ooh!
Ooh. Love it, don't you?
Tell me you love it, girls.
Oh, I love it.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Belle, what's going on?
(Come on. Get a grip.)
Sorry about that.
Everything OK?
Yeah, just had
a bit of a dizzy spell.
Ah. Don't worry. I tend to have
that effect on women, Belle, eh?
No. Actually, no. I can't do it.
Put your head between your legs.
Have a glass of water.
I'm not dizzy. I'm just
not gonna have sex with you.
You're a prostitute, for God's sake!
She's new.
Fine. I'll do everything
but have sex.
So will my wife.
That's why I'm here.
It's not gonna happen!
It's not funny, Ben.
Come off it.
He was wearing
a leopard print thong.
It's completely understandable.
It wasn't because of his pants.
Come on.
You were just having a weird one.
Take a couple of days. Chill out.
I've been off all week.
What are you talking about?
You haven't had one night off.
I've been trying to get hold of you.
I met someone.
What do you mean?
A man.
His name's Alex.
What, you haven't been working?
No. I'm...I'm sorry. I...
I really wanted to tell you.
It's just happened so quickly.
I haven't had time to think about it.
What's happened so quickly?
Me and him.
You and him?
Ben, do you wanna stop
repeating everything I say?
Sorry. Sorry, since the last time
I saw you,
you've met someone
who's become a "you and him".
I met someone and it's fun.
We're having fun and I'm sorry
I didn't tell you about it before.
You know what it's like. When you
met Vanessa - When I met Vanessa,
I told you the next day. It took
you a month to tell me you proposed.
Didn't lie to your face.
Oh, Ben. Come on.
I'm sorry.
I'm telling you now, aren't I?
So, it's a week later. Shoot me!
What does he do?
He's a doctor.
What does he think of your job?
Surprise, surprise, Ben,
I haven't told him.
Anyway, I might not have a job
if I carry on like I did today.
Was it because of him?
What?
Could you not go through with it
because of him, because of Alex?
I dunno.
Every time I shut my eyes I...
just...kept picturing him
and the whole thing
just felt a bit wrong.
It's more than a bit of fun, then,
isn't it?
I've known him five minutes.
But...
What but?
There is no but. He's nice.
We're having fun. It's no big deal.
Today was...an aberration.
Probably was the thong.
Wouldn't have happened
with one of my regulars. Right.
Bit of support, please, Ben.
He's nice. You'd like him.
I'm sure I would.
In fact, he wants to meet you.
Why?
Because I talk about you
all the time.
Right.
I was thinking about lunch this week.
All right. Brilliant.
Really?
Yeah. Sure.
You come clean to him and I'll come
and have lunch with you.
Yeah, that's a really good idea (!)
"Hi, Alex. Ben's really looking
forward to meeting you.
Quick heads-up, though,
before we sit down to eat,
I'm a prostitute.
Mm. The lamb looks nice."
Sort it out, Ben!
You can't keep it from him.
That's completely out of order.
And it's out of order
to use me as some sort of decoy.
A decoy. For God's sake,
Ben, for once...
I'm engaging in the fairly normal
activity of seeing someone.
And I'd like you to meet him.
I'm not getting married.
I'm not trying to shaft anyone.
It's not serious. I haven't
got some big ultimatum on my hands.
I'm just trying to live a life,
which you are a big part of.
It's just lunch. It's no big deal.
So you keep saying.
Do you know what?
Don't worry about it. Don't come.
Where are you going?
To rub myself with a big stick.
I can't do Thursday.
You'll really like Ben.
He's brilliant.
I hate him already.
Is he better-looking than me?
Is that actually possible?
I suppose not, no.
Yeah. I'm gonna like him.
I can't wait to meet him.
Thanks for tonight.
I had a really lovely time.
Whoa.
I'm worried that sounds like
the sentence,
"I've got a headache and I wanna go
home early," is gonna follow.
Not at all. I just wanted to say it.
Anyway, you know what the best cure
for a headache is?
Two Nurofen and an early night.
No. Sex.
Shall we go back to yours?
Er, isn't your place nearer?
I don't think so.
I think it is.
OK. Yeah. We can go back to mine
but you've gotta be quiet cos I've
got this neighbour from hell and -
Why don't you want me
to see your flat?
Now you're being silly.
Or meet your friends, or...
You're having lunch
with Ben tomorrow.
You're meeting my best friend.
Oh, OK.
I didn't realise it was a trade-off.
"You're meeting Ben,
so that's another couple of weeks
you're not allowed to see my flat."
Oh.
(SIGHS)
You're making me feel like some...
clingy twat. And I'm not.
I'm just suggesting
we go back to your place.
That's all.
All right.
We'll go back to mine.
It's no big deal.
Good.
Do you wanna run up ahead and lock
your husband in the cupboard?
No. Looks like he's still out.
Whoa! What is that?
It's my friend.
Girl, so sorry it's la-
Babes, didn't realise you were wor-
What are you doing here?
I just felt a bit bad about yester-
Erm, Alex. This is Bambi.
Hi. Nice to meet you.
Hi.
It's one thirty in the morning.
I know but I thought
you might still be up
and...look, you are.
Yeah and we're just going in.
I could head off.
No, no.
I don't wanna gatecrash.
It was just on the off-chance.
It's fine.
I'll see you at lunch tomorrow. OK?
OK.
(Drinking problem.)
What do you want, Bambi?
What's that? Your share
of the money from yesterday.
I felt like a shitbag not
splitting it. I didn't do anything.
You did me a favour.
Turned up at the last minute.
Plus, you helped me out with the
whole...sponge thing. Gross out!
I said I didn't want it. It's fine.
You gotta take it.
I'm really sorry
he turned out to be such a dick
after me talking him up like that.
Sounded very nice on the phone.
"Love it, love it, love it."
Go on. Please.
All right. Thanks.
Would it be all right
if I hang out here? Just for a bit?
Er...
So, that's the boyfriend, then.
Yep.
He seems nice.
Yeah, he is.
Fit as a butcher's dog.
You told him what you do?
No, course not.
Not sure how much longer
I can keep that going for, though.
Well, it depends, doesn't it,
how serious you are.
If it's just a fling...
He wants to meet my mates.
I could come out with you both.
He's already met me. We could do
something fun like go bowling.
(GIGGLES) Thanks, but...no thanks.
Er, I don't think...
bowling's his thing.
Plus, we're having lunch
with my mate Ben tomorrow.
Well, I could maybe come to that
with you.
What's Ben like?
Engaged.
I didn't mean it like that.
I was just...
thinking it could be a laugh.
Yeah.
Might be a lot of things.
A laugh, not top of the pile.
You really need to loosen up, babes.
So, who do you support, then?
Oh, I'm a rugby man...actually.
Yeah.
Are you into that at all?
Sorry?
Rugby?
Er...
Right. No, I'm not.
Right.
So, you're a doctor?
Yeah, yeah.
It's a great job.
You enjoy it?
Yeah.
Ah, there she is.
Sorry.
Sorry I'm late.
It's all right.
We were having a lovely chat.
You didn't tell me
Alex was into rugby.
No. Should I have done?
No.
Ben's a footie bloke.
Bit little for rugby, aren't you?
I er, know it's only lunch
but I thought...
day off, why not?
Yeah.
I'm gonna get a beer, actually.
Good girl.
Try it. It's really nice.
I thought wine
brought you out in a rash.
Only certain types. There's a doctor
handy if anything should...kick up.
Yeah, I'm here to help.
Alex has just been er, sharing
his theory about you and me.
Oh, yeah?
Oh, yeah, yeah. He erm...
reckons you're living a double life.
Does he now?
I was just er, having a laugh
with Ben before you got here.
And I think it's time
you came clean, huh?
How many of those did you manage
to cram in before I got here?
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Alex, I'm a big girl's blouse
and can't take my drink.
You...you look healthy enough to me.
Thank you.
So, Hannah, as I was saying,
are you gonna tell Alex the truth
or shall I?
What are you on about?
Right, then, I will.
Alex...the lovely Hannah here...
is...in fact...a...
Ben.
..spy...
who works for the MI5.
That was absolutely hilarious.
(PHONE RINGS)
I'm so sorry, I have to get this.
it's work. Back in a sec.
Why are you being like this?
Are you kidding? Like what?
Ben's allergic to everything,
shit at rugby.
He can't take his drink.
I always take the piss.
Not in front of people.
I'm just trying to be normal.
What are you trying to be?
How about polite?
Look after me, Han. For fuck's sake.
Look after you?
The "Hannah's leading a double life"
bollocks.
Is that looking after me?
Whatever's going on, deal with it.
Stop being like this.
Everything all right?
Yeah. Fine, thanks.
Ben thinks I'm being a twat.
Hannah! Well, can't just pretend
that everything's hunky-dory.
I'm sure you can.
Should I go to the loo?
No, Alex. You're fine.
I'm really sorry, Ben. It's fine.
Let's just forget about it.
It's just we're so close, I thought
we could say anything to each other.
Let's just drop it. You can't bring
that up and not wanna talk about it.
You're making Alex
feel uncomfortable.
Oh, well, I'm on a roll today, then,
aren't I?
It's fine.
You're not making me feel unc...
Shall we order?
Yep.
Is it really crappy
if I have burger and chips?
No, that's fine.
I'm gonna get...the...
risotto.
What about you, Ben?
Beef Wellington.
I'll go order.
Thanks, Alex.
Thanks a million, Ben (!) You're
making this really fucking awkward.
Problem solved.
Where did Ben go?
I'm sorry, Alex, I...
I think he's having some girlfriend
problems, or something.
Hannah...is there something
you're not telling me?
No.
Pretty easy to work out.
What are you on about?
Ben's in love with you, isn't he?
W... No!
(LAUGHS) No, Ben's like my brother.
I don't think he sees it like that.
No.
You've got the wrong end
of the stick. I don't think so.
It's nothing to do with me.
I've overstepped the mark as it is.
So...
W... How do you mean?
I just...
I know what I said
about playing it cool and...
having fun and all that stuff but...
The truth is...
Hannah...
the more time I spend with you...
the more into you I get.
You've got this brilliant knack
of keeping everything...
compartmentalised.
And I used to be like that.
And until I met you...
..I was just sleeping.
I know that you are...
the most fantastic,
beautiful thing
that's come into my life for...
..as long as I can remember.
And...I wanna see inside your flat.
And I wanna meet your friends,
even the mad ones.
And...at some point...
God forbid, I may even
wanna meet your parents.
But...
it is...
painfully obvious
from where I'm sitting that you...
don't want any of that stuff.
And...
if I'm honest,
I don't know if I want to carry on
with something
that's gonna get deeper for me
and more and more awkward and...
problematic for you.
There you go.
I said it.
Could you please say something?
I love you.
(Fuck.)
Today. I'm gonna tell Alex today.
You're just somebody my dad's paid
to sleep with me.
So, it's er, going well
with you two?
You and er, Alex?
Yeah.
You're in love with her.
See, I'm a real girl.
I've got a girlfriend, Alex.
Yeah (!)
What's her name?
transcript : chocholate
sync : innuit
With someone I actually like.
A bit.
Quite a bit.
I think.
When did sex become so complicated?
Shit! First client in 6 days,
I cannot be late for this.
Alex!
Mm!
What?
I have to leave.
What's the panic?
I've erm, I've got a meeting.
On a Saturday?
Yeah, I'm meeting...
a friend.
Jemima from school...for lunch.
I'll come.
Er, no, no.
You can't come without a warning.
That's just not very polite.
Well, text her and warn her.
She's a bit... She's a bit weird.
She's not very nice...to men.
She's a horrible...
horrible, horrible woman and you
do not wanna have lunch with her.
OK.
OK.
# FEIST: My Moon My Man
'Not one of my usual hotels.
But then this isn't
a usual kind of job.
This one's been set up
by my new best friend.'
Bambi's idea of a favour.
A threesome with, wait for it,
a distinguished nightclub owner.
Bambi is a complete liability but...
needs must.
Belle.
What's wrong?
You're gonna kill me, babes.
What happened?
I've got a little friend
come to stay.
Who?
Aunty Flo.
Bambi, have you taken something?
What? No. I...
I've got the painters in.
Oh, you're taking the -
I know. Please don't shout at me.
My head's banging.
I'm not shouting.
How can you not know when
your period's due? Page one, Bambi.
I dunno. I just...forgot.
I lost my diary. This month's
flown by. I've been up the wall.
Look, we can call Stephanie.
Get one of the other girls in.
He's here in five minutes.
Well, I'll just say my nan's died
and it's just you.
We can give him a discount.
No! Absolutely no way!
It's completely unprofessional!
Well, what am I supposed to do?
What's this?
That's sponge.
And what am I supposed to do
with it?
Not on your life, babe.
OK.
Belle, wait.
What if it's still got Jif on it?
Straight out the packet.
Are you sure it's gonna work?
Yeah.
If it's up high enough,
it should be fine. Ugh.
Fine.
(KNOCKING)
# THE KINKS: I Gotta Move
Beautiful.
Close, Belle.
Ha, ha. Girl with a quick wit!
Love it, love it, love it.
Martin.
Delighted to meet you, Belle.
So, captivating as you are, Belle,
I trust this isn't a party
just for two.
Ah.
Hi, there. I'm Bambi.
Wham-bam, Bambi!
Mwah.
So, can I get you anything, Martin?
I think I've got everything I need,
thank you very much.
Oh, yeah.
# DONNA SUMMER:
Love To Love You, Baby
Mm.
Oh, my God. Is that what I look like?
I mean, she looks ridiculous.
Not her fault.
She's just doing her job.
If that's what the client wants,
that's what the client gets.
Come on, Belle. Get involved.
Mm.
(BOTH MOAN)
Hey!
What about that, then?
Here we go!
Ooh!
Ooh. Love it, don't you?
Tell me you love it, girls.
Oh, I love it.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Belle, what's going on?
(Come on. Get a grip.)
Sorry about that.
Everything OK?
Yeah, just had
a bit of a dizzy spell.
Ah. Don't worry. I tend to have
that effect on women, Belle, eh?
No. Actually, no. I can't do it.
Put your head between your legs.
Have a glass of water.
I'm not dizzy. I'm just
not gonna have sex with you.
You're a prostitute, for God's sake!
She's new.
Fine. I'll do everything
but have sex.
So will my wife.
That's why I'm here.
It's not gonna happen!
It's not funny, Ben.
Come off it.
He was wearing
a leopard print thong.
It's completely understandable.
It wasn't because of his pants.
Come on.
You were just having a weird one.
Take a couple of days. Chill out.
I've been off all week.
What are you talking about?
You haven't had one night off.
I've been trying to get hold of you.
I met someone.
What do you mean?
A man.
His name's Alex.
What, you haven't been working?
No. I'm...I'm sorry. I...
I really wanted to tell you.
It's just happened so quickly.
I haven't had time to think about it.
What's happened so quickly?
Me and him.
You and him?
Ben, do you wanna stop
repeating everything I say?
Sorry. Sorry, since the last time
I saw you,
you've met someone
who's become a "you and him".
I met someone and it's fun.
We're having fun and I'm sorry
I didn't tell you about it before.
You know what it's like. When you
met Vanessa - When I met Vanessa,
I told you the next day. It took
you a month to tell me you proposed.
Didn't lie to your face.
Oh, Ben. Come on.
I'm sorry.
I'm telling you now, aren't I?
So, it's a week later. Shoot me!
What does he do?
He's a doctor.
What does he think of your job?
Surprise, surprise, Ben,
I haven't told him.
Anyway, I might not have a job
if I carry on like I did today.
Was it because of him?
What?
Could you not go through with it
because of him, because of Alex?
I dunno.
Every time I shut my eyes I...
just...kept picturing him
and the whole thing
just felt a bit wrong.
It's more than a bit of fun, then,
isn't it?
I've known him five minutes.
But...
What but?
There is no but. He's nice.
We're having fun. It's no big deal.
Today was...an aberration.
Probably was the thong.
Wouldn't have happened
with one of my regulars. Right.
Bit of support, please, Ben.
He's nice. You'd like him.
I'm sure I would.
In fact, he wants to meet you.
Why?
Because I talk about you
all the time.
Right.
I was thinking about lunch this week.
All right. Brilliant.
Really?
Yeah. Sure.
You come clean to him and I'll come
and have lunch with you.
Yeah, that's a really good idea (!)
"Hi, Alex. Ben's really looking
forward to meeting you.
Quick heads-up, though,
before we sit down to eat,
I'm a prostitute.
Mm. The lamb looks nice."
Sort it out, Ben!
You can't keep it from him.
That's completely out of order.
And it's out of order
to use me as some sort of decoy.
A decoy. For God's sake,
Ben, for once...
I'm engaging in the fairly normal
activity of seeing someone.
And I'd like you to meet him.
I'm not getting married.
I'm not trying to shaft anyone.
It's not serious. I haven't
got some big ultimatum on my hands.
I'm just trying to live a life,
which you are a big part of.
It's just lunch. It's no big deal.
So you keep saying.
Do you know what?
Don't worry about it. Don't come.
Where are you going?
To rub myself with a big stick.
I can't do Thursday.
You'll really like Ben.
He's brilliant.
I hate him already.
Is he better-looking than me?
Is that actually possible?
I suppose not, no.
Yeah. I'm gonna like him.
I can't wait to meet him.
Thanks for tonight.
I had a really lovely time.
Whoa.
I'm worried that sounds like
the sentence,
"I've got a headache and I wanna go
home early," is gonna follow.
Not at all. I just wanted to say it.
Anyway, you know what the best cure
for a headache is?
Two Nurofen and an early night.
No. Sex.
Shall we go back to yours?
Er, isn't your place nearer?
I don't think so.
I think it is.
OK. Yeah. We can go back to mine
but you've gotta be quiet cos I've
got this neighbour from hell and -
Why don't you want me
to see your flat?
Now you're being silly.
Or meet your friends, or...
You're having lunch
with Ben tomorrow.
You're meeting my best friend.
Oh, OK.
I didn't realise it was a trade-off.
"You're meeting Ben,
so that's another couple of weeks
you're not allowed to see my flat."
Oh.
(SIGHS)
You're making me feel like some...
clingy twat. And I'm not.
I'm just suggesting
we go back to your place.
That's all.
All right.
We'll go back to mine.
It's no big deal.
Good.
Do you wanna run up ahead and lock
your husband in the cupboard?
No. Looks like he's still out.
Whoa! What is that?
It's my friend.
Girl, so sorry it's la-
Babes, didn't realise you were wor-
What are you doing here?
I just felt a bit bad about yester-
Erm, Alex. This is Bambi.
Hi. Nice to meet you.
Hi.
It's one thirty in the morning.
I know but I thought
you might still be up
and...look, you are.
Yeah and we're just going in.
I could head off.
No, no.
I don't wanna gatecrash.
It was just on the off-chance.
It's fine.
I'll see you at lunch tomorrow. OK?
OK.
(Drinking problem.)
What do you want, Bambi?
What's that? Your share
of the money from yesterday.
I felt like a shitbag not
splitting it. I didn't do anything.
You did me a favour.
Turned up at the last minute.
Plus, you helped me out with the
whole...sponge thing. Gross out!
I said I didn't want it. It's fine.
You gotta take it.
I'm really sorry
he turned out to be such a dick
after me talking him up like that.
Sounded very nice on the phone.
"Love it, love it, love it."
Go on. Please.
All right. Thanks.
Would it be all right
if I hang out here? Just for a bit?
Er...
So, that's the boyfriend, then.
Yep.
He seems nice.
Yeah, he is.
Fit as a butcher's dog.
You told him what you do?
No, course not.
Not sure how much longer
I can keep that going for, though.
Well, it depends, doesn't it,
how serious you are.
If it's just a fling...
He wants to meet my mates.
I could come out with you both.
He's already met me. We could do
something fun like go bowling.
(GIGGLES) Thanks, but...no thanks.
Er, I don't think...
bowling's his thing.
Plus, we're having lunch
with my mate Ben tomorrow.
Well, I could maybe come to that
with you.
What's Ben like?
Engaged.
I didn't mean it like that.
I was just...
thinking it could be a laugh.
Yeah.
Might be a lot of things.
A laugh, not top of the pile.
You really need to loosen up, babes.
So, who do you support, then?
Oh, I'm a rugby man...actually.
Yeah.
Are you into that at all?
Sorry?
Rugby?
Er...
Right. No, I'm not.
Right.
So, you're a doctor?
Yeah, yeah.
It's a great job.
You enjoy it?
Yeah.
Ah, there she is.
Sorry.
Sorry I'm late.
It's all right.
We were having a lovely chat.
You didn't tell me
Alex was into rugby.
No. Should I have done?
No.
Ben's a footie bloke.
Bit little for rugby, aren't you?
I er, know it's only lunch
but I thought...
day off, why not?
Yeah.
I'm gonna get a beer, actually.
Good girl.
Try it. It's really nice.
I thought wine
brought you out in a rash.
Only certain types. There's a doctor
handy if anything should...kick up.
Yeah, I'm here to help.
Alex has just been er, sharing
his theory about you and me.
Oh, yeah?
Oh, yeah, yeah. He erm...
reckons you're living a double life.
Does he now?
I was just er, having a laugh
with Ben before you got here.
And I think it's time
you came clean, huh?
How many of those did you manage
to cram in before I got here?
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Alex, I'm a big girl's blouse
and can't take my drink.
You...you look healthy enough to me.
Thank you.
So, Hannah, as I was saying,
are you gonna tell Alex the truth
or shall I?
What are you on about?
Right, then, I will.
Alex...the lovely Hannah here...
is...in fact...a...
Ben.
..spy...
who works for the MI5.
That was absolutely hilarious.
(PHONE RINGS)
I'm so sorry, I have to get this.
it's work. Back in a sec.
Why are you being like this?
Are you kidding? Like what?
Ben's allergic to everything,
shit at rugby.
He can't take his drink.
I always take the piss.
Not in front of people.
I'm just trying to be normal.
What are you trying to be?
How about polite?
Look after me, Han. For fuck's sake.
Look after you?
The "Hannah's leading a double life"
bollocks.
Is that looking after me?
Whatever's going on, deal with it.
Stop being like this.
Everything all right?
Yeah. Fine, thanks.
Ben thinks I'm being a twat.
Hannah! Well, can't just pretend
that everything's hunky-dory.
I'm sure you can.
Should I go to the loo?
No, Alex. You're fine.
I'm really sorry, Ben. It's fine.
Let's just forget about it.
It's just we're so close, I thought
we could say anything to each other.
Let's just drop it. You can't bring
that up and not wanna talk about it.
You're making Alex
feel uncomfortable.
Oh, well, I'm on a roll today, then,
aren't I?
It's fine.
You're not making me feel unc...
Shall we order?
Yep.
Is it really crappy
if I have burger and chips?
No, that's fine.
I'm gonna get...the...
risotto.
What about you, Ben?
Beef Wellington.
I'll go order.
Thanks, Alex.
Thanks a million, Ben (!) You're
making this really fucking awkward.
Problem solved.
Where did Ben go?
I'm sorry, Alex, I...
I think he's having some girlfriend
problems, or something.
Hannah...is there something
you're not telling me?
No.
Pretty easy to work out.
What are you on about?
Ben's in love with you, isn't he?
W... No!
(LAUGHS) No, Ben's like my brother.
I don't think he sees it like that.
No.
You've got the wrong end
of the stick. I don't think so.
It's nothing to do with me.
I've overstepped the mark as it is.
So...
W... How do you mean?
I just...
I know what I said
about playing it cool and...
having fun and all that stuff but...
The truth is...
Hannah...
the more time I spend with you...
the more into you I get.
You've got this brilliant knack
of keeping everything...
compartmentalised.
And I used to be like that.
And until I met you...
..I was just sleeping.
I know that you are...
the most fantastic,
beautiful thing
that's come into my life for...
..as long as I can remember.
And...I wanna see inside your flat.
And I wanna meet your friends,
even the mad ones.
And...at some point...
God forbid, I may even
wanna meet your parents.
But...
it is...
painfully obvious
from where I'm sitting that you...
don't want any of that stuff.
And...
if I'm honest,
I don't know if I want to carry on
with something
that's gonna get deeper for me
and more and more awkward and...
problematic for you.
There you go.
I said it.
Could you please say something?
I love you.
(Fuck.)
Today. I'm gonna tell Alex today.
You're just somebody my dad's paid
to sleep with me.
So, it's er, going well
with you two?
You and er, Alex?
Yeah.
You're in love with her.
See, I'm a real girl.
I've got a girlfriend, Alex.
Yeah (!)
What's her name?
transcript : chocholate
sync : innuit