Secret Diary of a Call Girl (2007–2011): Season 2, Episode 1 - Episode #2.1 - full transcript

Rush hour in London.

When work's over for everyone else,

it's just starting for me.

Aren't we all going through the motions
for money?

Aren't we all whoring ourselves
for the man?

Of course not.

I'm literally whoring myself.
It's different.

Welcome back. I missed you.

I get a rush from this job
that I wouldn't get from a normal job.

I have a number.

A place to meet - the hotel bar.



And a name.

Alex.

Anything could happen.

All right?

Yes, thanks.

- I'm Alex.
- Hi, I'm Belle!

- Would you like to buy me a drink?
- Absolutely.

- A glass of wine?
- Whatever you're having.

A glass of the same, please.

The envelope.

Some men find it awkward
handing over money.

They want it to feel like a real date,
so it's best to get it out of the way.

- There you go.
- Thank you.

No, I'm just over today
for the interview.



I actually live in Dublin.

And you're an anaesthetist.

- It's just a registrar position.
- And you're staying here.

They pay for the room
when you have the interview.

So I thought, "Make the most of it."

Can I see it?

- Now?
- Unless you'd rather not.

No, no.
I would love for you to see my room.

Good.

So... So what sort of thing do you do?

We'll talk about that in a minute.

I'm just going to use your bathroom.

I am moving to fucking London!

I always run the tap
when I'm in the toilet.

Don't want to ruin the mystique.

And I never count the cash
in front of the clients. So impolite.

Fuck!

Fuck!

- Hello?
- Hello, Belle. It's...

Alex.

I don't know if there's been
some kind of problem.

I remember telling you
to wait in the bar.

Where are you?

Sorry. It's been nice.

Thanks for showing me your room.
I'm afraid I...

See you later.

Wrong Alex.

Shit!

Wrong Alex.

- Belle, I take it.
- I'm so sorry. Alex?

Good evening.

I thought you were meeting me
in the bar.

I told you to wait in the bar
and I would be in touch.

- Sorry, there was a misunderstanding.
- I haven't got long.

I'd like you to put that on, and then
I'll go through what it is I'd like.

Sorry. I'm such a pillock!
I'm still lost!

- Are you sure you know where you live?
- I'm sorry, you're too late.

I might be able to do tomorrow.
But If you want to do this job,

- you need to learn punctuality.
- I'm so sorry.

All right, bye.

Sometimes I get these emails from women,

asking if they should become escorts.
I'm like,

I don't know! Make your own decisions.
Live your own lifes.

Hello, my name's Kai Felton and you will
want to hear what I've got to say.

I've no idea who this bloke is.

Fair enough.
He is a Liberal Democrat, after all.

I'm in a rush.

I'll be quick. ?15,000 for your story.
Depending on the details.

I'm on my way out

and I'm not happy about some bloke
turning up and calling me a prostitute.

I'm sure you like to think of yourself
as a call girl.

Thanks! I'm sure you think
of yourself as a journalist.

If you change your mind,
I'd appreciate it.

- Got the wrong girl.
- The amount is negotiable.

In this job, discretion is everything.

I'm a firm believer
in having a private life.

Where to, love?

Home.

This is so typical.

She'll be here in a minute.
Don't let it ruin your day.

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ,

the love of God
and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit

be with you all.

And also with you.

Sorry, Dad.

I told them you'd be late.

Parents and godparents.

The church receives this child
with joy.

Following Christ means dying to sin

and rising to new life with him.

Therefore I ask...

- You made it!
- Sorry.

Divine intervention.

Do you reject the devil

and all rebellion against God?

I reject them.

I reject them.

Do you renounce the deceit
and corruption of evil?

I renounce them.

Do you repent of the sins

that separate us from God

and neighbour?

Here we go.

I repent of them.

Do you turn to Christ as saviour?

That's probably Him now.

I turn to Christ.

And thanks to all of you
for coming out here today.

Even those of you
who only just made it.

Oh, no.
Actually, that's just Hannah.

So, for those of you
wondering what this is,

what we thought would be nice

is that each of these petals

represents the hopes and dreams
for our baby Ollie.

So if you have any sort of wish
or thought for his future,

we'd like you to come over later
and take one of the petals

and drop it into the crib.

OK, everyone.

Enjoy the food and drink
and the decorations!

Did that make you want to throw up?

- I didn't know you were coming.
- We're only round the corner now.

- Hello!
- Hello, dear.

Look at you! You're so thin!

Is this your boyfriend?

- This is my friend Ben.
- Hi, Auntie Bloss.

You used to be her boyfriend.

Yeah, a long time ago.

I'm just going over there.
Won't be a second. Excuse me.

Look at her. She could be a model,
that one.

In one of those catalogues.

Yeah, she could.

I don't buy from catalogues
any more.

No, me neither.

They're all owned by Jews.

I seem to find social gatherings
harder than I used to.

People talk about two things.

Relationships,

which I avoid for obvious reasons.

Or work.

Which I avoid for obvious reasons.

Who knows?

Maybe I should have told them.
Maybe they'd be fine with it.

- You didn't bring anyone, then?
- No.

You know what it's like, Dad.

Relationships, prostitution...

Yeah, of course.

Is there much money in that, then?

- Do you kiss on the mouth, then?
- Yeah, of course.

That's just a myth.

I can recite the whole of Pretty Woman.

I said I'm a prostitute, Auntie!

I heard you the first time, dear.

We've all had our fair share of cock.

It's nothing to shout about.

Yeah, maybe not.

How's life in the home counties?

Good, actually.

- How's prostitution?
- Yeah, the same old.

- I'm going in a bit.
- Why?

I promised Vanessa
I wouldn't stay too long.

Fuck off.
I cancelled our wedding.

She's entitled to be pissed off with me.

And to insist you move out of London.

- Want a lift later?
- No, it's all right.

You're going in the opposite direction.

I can see what you did there!
Nice, subtle.

They're about to do the thing.

Here we go.
Trying to be fairy godmother.

The thing is, you've shattered
their child's hopes and dreams.

Shit.

Mate, can we go
through Central London, please?

I was just returning this.

Thank God.
I thought I was going mad.

I didn't know if you'd still be here.

I can't really go anywhere
without this, can I?

I'm so sorry.
I didn't even know it was in my bag.

It's OK. I was on my way
to the passport office.

It's a relief. Thank you.

Forgive me for saying this, but...

You're off your fucking nuts,
aren't you?

Well... Maybe.
I don't know. I've...

I've had a really weird day.

Do you want to go for a drink?

- I've changed my flight till tomorrow.
- I don't think so.

- I've got a taxi waiting.
- Okay.

Give me your number.

Just in case you've stolen
something else while we've been talking.

Look, you've inconvenienced me.
You owe me.

There.

- I thought your name was Belle.
- Oh, yeah. That's...

That's what my friends call me
because...

That's...

my nickname.

I just wanted to get your advice really.

Like I said in my emails,

I've been thinking
about getting into it for ages.

I've done a bit in films.

My brother's friend,
in this porn film thing that he did.

- Right.
- I love your website by the way.

You're so clever and sorted.

I should say that, obviously,
there are downsides.

Relationships become impossible.

You work strange hours.
You lie to people all the time.

I do that anyway.

I've come up with a name.
I want to be called...

Bambi.

That's what people
used to call me in school.

Bambi. Right, because you're quite...

- Doe-eyed?
- No, it's because my mum got shot.

- Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
- I'm only joking!

Why do you want to escort, Bambi?

Money. What about you?

- What about me, what?
- Why?

- Well...
- Sorry, ladies.

Can I have a word?

This is me going to a christening.

Well, it's out of my hands now.
My editor wants to print tomorrow.

That Farringdon's had escorts
up to his room.

But, and this is being generous,

I can get you twenty
for your side of the story.

- Have you been following me?
- We can show him for what he is.

A hypocrite.
And it will be all sympathy for you.

All from your point of view.
The things that forced you into... this.

Really?

People like it.

- Paying your way through university.
- I've been to fucking university.

Where you learnt
such pretty language.

Hi, Belle's phone.

I don't know. Hang on.

Hi, this is Bambi.

I'm taking care of Belle's clients
while she's away.

I'm giving you a chance.
"He made me do this, made me do that."

My editor wants
to run this photo of you.

It's going to be out tomorrow anyway.
Be in control of it.

You're a clever girl.

Yeah, sure. That's fine, David.

OK, see you tomorrow.

Are you all right?

What's going on?

We must look forward,
not backwards as the Tories are.

The Liberal Democrats are the only party
truly embracing a new Britain.

I want to lead that party
into the next decade.

When a scandal breaks,

everyone thinks
about the celebrity being exposed.

They don't really think about the woman
and what it means for her.

This government has got to go
straight into the bin.

It's Alex.

- Hello.
- Is this a bad time?

No. How are you?

I'm great. I'm great.
I got that job.

- Decided to move to London.
- Did you?

That's great.

How are you?

Yeah, you know...

- What have you been up to?
- I...

- I went to a christening.
- Really? That's nice.

Not really. I pissed my sister off.

Sisters. Fuck'em.

Send her some flowers.
Sisters love that shit.

Interflora saved my life
a thousand times.

OK, maybe I will.

I was wondering

if you wanted
to go for a drink some time.

Well, you've got my number now.

Alex, I don't really know.

Why don't you see
if you still want to tomorrow?

- Why, what's going on tomorrow?
- Just ring me if you still want to.

Patrick! Will you get the paper?

Yes, love.

- Jackie, come and look at this!
- What?

Your sister.

She got you these.

They found someone else.
Unbelievable.

You're never entirely safe
in this job.

If there's no story today,

who's to say
there won't be one tomorrow?

There's more than the obvious danger

of walking into a room
with a man you don't know.

There's the danger
of two carefully constructed lives

crashing into each other.

It's Alex.

These days, I can get ready
for a client in my sleep.

They like big hair, big breasts.

Gives you some idea
of where the incisions will be.

And a big smile.

What do you do?

But you can't fake everything.