Secret Diary of a Call Girl (2007–2011): Season 1, Episode 2 - Episode #1.2 - full transcript

Behind closed doors,
in warmly lit rooms all over London,

pleasure is taking place.

Some spontaneous, some planned,

and yes, some paid for.

And tonight's...

tonight's is strictly invitation only.

Sometimes, I get paid to do
the things I've always wanted to do.

I love it when my personal desires
are the same as my professional duties.

The most prestigious adult party in the country.

These parties are for genuine couples only,
and entry is competitive -

you have to be under 40, educated,



and beautiful.

Welcome, welcome.

Now, you'll need to check in your phones,
any recording equipment or cameras

to be returned at the end of the night.

There is a number you can be reached on
for emergency

that was sent along with your invitations.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

- Are we married?
- No, I don't think so.

Do you remember what I do for a living?

Aleksandar Yerkovic,

top designer of energy-saving devices
and renewable energy technology,

you're currently working on
a new European hybrid car engine.

- Part of the engine. Which part?
- Never been that interested in your work.

And that has always been hurtful to me.



Which is why we are not married.

- Oh, but what do you do for a living?
- In this dress, no one'll care.

Just for show. I don't drink when I'm working.

Adult parties are like any other party.

There's someone who wants to be
the centre of attention.

I love your...feathers.

Thank you.

Then there's the shy people
who find themselves in the corner.

The cool crowd who know everyone
and the organisers.

And the room where the real party happens.

Wow.

This is all a bit of a turn-on.

It's quiet in here.

It's early yet.

I didn't think there was
much point wearing knickers.

It... It's too early.

- OK.
- I... I want to wait.

What I want is to watch you.

Watch all the other men want you.

And then maybe later on at home,

when you are really desperate,

then I will fuck you.

OK.

- Oh! Shit, sorry.
- Oh, shit!

- I'm so sorry. That was my fault.
- Sorry, no...

- Are you OK? I'm sorry.
- Yeah, I'm fine.

I'm afraid I don't... Could you...?
Do you have something, er...?

- Yeah. Are you sure you're OK?
- Yeah, yeah. I'm fine, thank you.

- Oh, shit. I'm so sorry.
- Oh.

- It's quite...
- Do you know where the ladies are?

- Downstairs.
- OK, thank you. Sorry.

No, it's all right.

I know that man from somewhere.

I tend to panic if I see someone I recognise.
Could be very awkward.

Have to go through my mental Rolodex
of everyone I've ever slept with.

This could take a while.

That's it.

It's Jay Lorre, the writer.

His first novel changed my life.

That man, he can write women.

But of course you should never meet
your heroes. Everyone knows that.

- Have you see An Inconvenient Truth?
- No.

Oh, it's fabulous.
I mean, terrifying, but really good.

I feel so guilty.
I take so many short-haul flights.

- So cheap, though.
- I just wanted to say...

sorry about the spillage situation.

That's quite all right.

Sorry, I...we were...

pouring wine on each other earlier.

- Oh.
- Really?

No, not in a...

I just mean me being clumsy.

- No, no, I bumped into her.
- Yeah.

So where do you fly to?

Oh, well, we've just got back from Portugal.

We're actually trying to set up a...

Have you been chucking the rest
over other people?

- No.
- Good.

I'd get jealous.

This your sort of thing, then, is it?

- Sorry, I don't know your name.
- It's Belle.

- And, yeah, I suppose it is my sort of thing.
- Belle? I like that.

That's very...American South, isn't it?

Close. Surrey-Hampshire border.

Right.

I had to be smuggled over
the Surrey-Hampshire border once.

It was a terrible business. Anyway, cheers.

Cheers.

So, what do you do, Jay?

- Oh, well, this and that.
- How's that going?

Swings and roundabouts.

Don't give everything away, it's embarrassing.

You know what I do.

You knew my name before I told you.

- I've seen your books.
- You've seen my books?

Well, don't read them, whatever you do.

I don't suppose you'd like
to go somewhere more private?

She is very beautiful, isn't she?

Yeah. Absolutely.

Aleksandar, we might go for a wander,
if you'd like to come.

I don't think so.

No, I will give you
one of my famous massages.

- He likes you.
- You think?

Mm, but he can't have you.

- No?
- No...

because only I can have you.

Perfect.

The night wears on, the clothes come off,

guests everywhere get down
to what the evening's all about, except me.

A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
to seduce Jay Lorre,

and here I am with the only possessive man
at an orgy.

Thanks.

- Sylvia.
- Yes, darling?

Were you talking earlier
about the environment?

Sorry?

Did you know Aleksandar is advising the
government on renewable energy strategies?

- What, you mean solar and everything?
- Mm.

Yes, we're principally working on
a new hybrid car.

Oh, a hybrid car, you mean like
those ones everyone has in LA.

I certainly hope so. America is the greatest
polluter and they contribute least to our...

Hello.

Hi.

You having a good time?

Can hardly catch my breath. And you?

Yeah. Must be one of the only people
who hasn't been in the playroom.

Oh, yeah?

Aleksandar would rather I didn't.

Right. Well, this would be the place to come
to be possessive.

Tell me about it.

I like your work, by the way.

Well, thank you very much.
I like your work too.

It's just a shame
you're not doing anything tonight.

Why, are you doing anything tonight?

Well, apparently not.

The show's starting.
Time for the show, everyone.

Shall we?

- Hello.
- Hello.

- OK?
- Yeah.

- What's up?
- You're not into being watched, are you?

No, it's not that, it's just...

- I'm not into being caught.
- Your boyfriend?

- We wouldn't want to come between you two.
- No, I'd love you to.

Just not now.

You could always come home with us.

- Really?
- Really.

Now I realise it's very unprofessional
to ditch a client,

and that you should never let your personal
desires get in the way at work, but...

- Hi.
- Madam.

All these men want you.

I am going to take you home...

and I am going to really show you
what you get

for making all these men want you,

you naughty girl.

Excuse me. Belle Sinclair?

Yes.

Miss Sinclair, there's a call for you
on our emergency line.

I'll be one minute.

- This is what you do for a living?
- No, no.

I'm in a fringe production
of A Doll's House next month, so...

That's good. You can pack all this in, then.

Well, we'll see.

How's this for a sad face?

- Oh, that is good.
- This?

- Too much.
- Too much?

- Yeah, too much.
- You're a love. Thank you.

There's one excuse we all know
that will get you out of anything at work.

- Personal reasons?
- Yeah, personal reasons.

Obviously you'll be fully reimbursed.

- Pardon?
- Obviously you can have all your money back.

But that is not the point.

- Yeah, I know, absolutely.
- It is unsatisfactory.

Yeah, I know, but...what are you gonna do?

Personal reasons?

Yeah. Personal reasons.

You've seven new messages.

Hannah, did you get
your mum's message?

- Just a minute.
- Give me a call when you pick this up.

- Hello, it's your mum again...
- Oh, this is a nightmare.

- Oh, I don't believe this.
- What's the matter?

Is something wrong?

I'm not sure I can come back.
I've got all these messages about this thing.

Can't it wait until tomorrow?

Maybe.

- No, I should go.
- Oh, no. Why?

Personal reasons.

Bye.

Bye.

Only my sister would wait till I was this close
to having the best sex ever to have a baby.

The selfish bitch.

- This bloke, Ben...
- What?

Nothing, it was just quite a works do,
you'd have loved it.

Can't believe my parents called you
before they called me.

They called me looking for you.
And they do like me a bit more.

That's true.

Oh, you bought a card?

- Vanessa's got a desk full of bloody cards.
- Course she does. Let me sign it.

It's sealed. Get your own.

I need a wife.

- Hello!
- Hey.

- Hello.
- Look at you, Hannah. Blimey.

- Here she is.
- Hello, stranger.

- Hello.
- Wow.

- I was at a works do.
- Well, I was only having a baby.

- Oh, yeah. Well done, you guys.
- Thanks.

- What is it?
- It's a boy.

- Oh, my God.
- We've always known it was a boy.

- Awww. Thanks, Ben.
- That's all right.

Do you wanna hold him?

Maybe you should sit down first.

Sit down, go on.

There you go, sweetheart.

- You all right?
- Yeah.

Hello. Hello.

Can I have a go?

Won't be long till it's you, mate.

Shut up.

Where's Dad?

Killing himself with tobacco, probably.

Look how tiny his hands are
compared to Ben's.

I'm your uncle Ben.
We're gonna go clubbing together.

- Hello, youngest.
- All right, Dad?

- What do you think of your nephew, then?
- He's all right.

- You?
- Yeah, he'll do.

There you go, Grandad.

So, what you been up to, then?

Hannah.

Hannah.

Fuck.

I think I've found the real me.

- Where did you get that from?
- I saw it in your handbag in the hospital.

Now, is it just me...

or are you a little bit overdressed
for a work do?

Or underdressed. Whatever.

Yeah, well, you know me,
I never play by the rules.

Laters.

Laters.

Maybe my personal life and my professional
life aren't that easily reconciled.

But that's true of all of us, surely.

At least I get to go to bed
with my favourite author.

Just not in the way I'd have liked.

- You look lovely.
- You look pretty good yourself.

Shall we?

1500 good reasons to do the night shift.

From this moment on, I'm on the client's time,
his treat for the night.

Do I know you? I'm looking for a bit of fun,
and I think you are too.

- You're moonlighting. You're a bad girl.
- I know.

I know what you office tarts do -
play with the hole-punch, photocopy your arse.

You're very directive. I like that.

I wanna watch you come.