Scrubs (2001–2010): Season 3, Episode 16 - My Butterfly - full transcript

Carol, I know you think you look
dashing in your navy blue scrubs

but I can't deal with the fact
that I walk into this place

and find you
standing there talking at me.

- All I said was good morning.
- Exactly.

And who in God's name
wants to hear that every day?

Good morning.

In the immortal words of Daffy Duck,
I demand that you shoot me now.

If only.

I couldn't help but think two things.

First, I do look great in these navy
scrubs. Come on, who wants a taste?

Second, everyone's day
begins differently here.



The surgeons, for instance,
are a superstitious bunch.

They start their mornings
with an oddly homoerotic ass slap.

Dude, too deep.

And then their own good luck rituals.

Where's my lucky Tabasco do-rag?

Why don't you use Power Rangers?

How are Power Rangers
as lucky as Tabasco?

Do you remember
when the Megazord was destroyed?

How did I miss that episode?
Oh, that's right,

I was making love to a woman.

Power Rangers, ho!

All you can hope is
that nothing bites you on the ass.

Gaby, all set
for your bone marrow transplant?

I'm scared. I wanted to bring my stuffed
pink doggie with me



but mean nurse says I can't.

Well, I promise you, you'll have it.

Honestly, Mean Nurse,
why would you say that?

Because she lost her stuffed
pink doggie two days ago.

Frick.

Since I've been wearing that do-rag,
my surgery record's like 23 and 0.

Are you counting the boil
you lanced yesterday?

Question: Did he die?
Answer: He did not.

I gotta stick with whatever's hot.
Last month was not wearing underwear.

- So why not take off your underwear?
- That's what I keep telling him.

- Todd knows about the underwear thing?
- No.

The do-rag still has the juice. Can you
imagine what could happen without it?

I can't find any obstruction.

Keep looking, it must be there.

I found it.

Powerful tiny fists.

He's back.

Some people say
everything comes down to luck.

I need my lucky do-rag.

I believe that the most minor event,

even a butterfly flapping its wings,
can affect everything.

Hillside landing.

Once that seemingly
insignificant event happens...

What is wrong with you?

Baby, I wasn't looking
at her lovelies, OK?

I was looking at the butterfly
that happened to land on them.

Who could blame it? There they are
all snuggly and safe and whatnot.

It sets everything else in motion.

Uncomfortable.

- OK, who do I kill?
- She did it.

Man, I don't wanna clean this up.

Then you picked
the wrong day to be the janitor.

Could you help me find
a little girl's pink doggie?

I would love to, darling,
but I'm a bit busy right now.

And insignificant events
can lead to significant events,

like me being on time
and Dr Cox being late for a change.

Where the hell's Dr Cox?
His shift started four minutes ago.

You've got to cover for him.

I have to learn to play the banjo.

- Son, are you listening to me?
- Yes, sir.

And buy a banjo.

Hey fellas, what did I miss?

And here he is.

Suddenly I'm getting
the most intense headache.

Let me see if this relieves the pain.

Better. Worse. Better. Worse.
I could do this all day.

Dr Dorian was on time and you were busy
doing that hilarious betterlworse bit,

so maybe you should
answer to him all day.

Dr Kelso, that's my pen.

- Nice grab.
- Well, I'm a lefty.

My head's going to melt when I say this,
but Kelso's idea wasn't half bad.

Letting you run this place
would be a great educational experience.

And let's face facts, the training bra
has got to come off eventually.

So, it's your show, Debbie.

Is this moment just the way
you always pictured it?

It's your show, Debbie.

Is this moment just
like you always pictured?

Stupid home-made dolls.

It's a little bigger.

Turk, I just got off of a 12-hour shift.

I'm starving and need to take a bathroom
break, which is why I'm dancing.

And you want me to run home
and bring back your lucky do-rag?

And could you be back in 20 minutes?

Nurse Espinosa,
your shift ended nine minutes ago.

Why isn't your time card punched out?

- Well, sir, I...
- Dr Kelso,

how is it you had an ambulance take you
to your dinner reservation last night?

How do you know that?

I'm the homeboy you screamed at
to get my ghetto-mobile off the road.

Turk, I don't need you
to fight my battles for me.

It makes me look like
I can't defend myself.

You're absolutely right, baby
and I apologise. Remember, do-rag.

Hello?

It's Elliot, what are you doing?

Nothing disgusting.

I can't find that girl's
little pink doggie anywhere.

I got a pink doggie for you
but it is not little.

Show me your penis
and I'll take it away from you.

Cool.

- Yeah, that was Todd.
- Don't worry about the doggie.

I'll be right there.

I've had nausea and stomach pains
for a couple of days now.

I don't wanna tell you how to live,

but maybe you should avoid
sushi from the Gas 'N' Go.

It came free with the fill-up.
Am I supposed to just throw it away?

Yes, you are. Fortunately, though,
your vitals are normal,

so we'll check back with you in a while.

- It sounds to me like a GI bleed.
- It sounds to me like angina.

If you leave this hospital
knowing only one thing,

and there's a pretty good chance
that just might happen,

let that one thing be this,
medicine is a collaborative effort.

Your opinion is
just as important as mine.

So let's see if you've got the
gobstoppers to take the lead. Be me.

Come on, you can do this.
Navy scrubs, navy scrubs.

Here's the deal, Eleanor, we're gonna
get a full work-up on this guy.

So while I drop an NG tube
and do a gastric lavage,

why don't you get an order on EKG
with cardiac biomarkers.

They're on page 37
of the Ann Taylor catalogue

right next to
that salmon cable-knit sweater

you want
but haven't had the courage to order.

You're worried the weave is so thin

your nipples might peak
their little pink selves through.

Isn't that right, Dr Cox?

I'm sorry, here I was in my own little
world, dreaming about candy bracelets.

I don't like candy bracelets.

I love them.

Now grab that elevator. But not without
giving him his patented shoulder bump.

Good day.

How you like me now?

Find your pink doggie yet?

Nope, but I met Helen,
the laundry room lady.

- Does she have blonde hair?
- No.

Brown hair?

- No hair? It's from the dryers.
- That's the one.

Hey, the janitor's still downstairs.

Why don't we just check
in his custodial closet?

Hey, you're not welcome here.

- What's up?
- Randall?

Just got the job, bro.

So that's why he's been
back in my dreams.

- Beat it.
- Gotta go.

Did you bring my lucky do-rag?

Why don't you wear the puppies do-rag
I got you for Lent?

The fluffy puppies killed three people.
They banned from the OR.

Well, what do you want me
to do, Turk? I forgot.

You never pay attention to the
little things that are important to me.

When one thing goes wrong around here,
everything seems to go wrong.

- What happened?
- Vitals are tanking.

- No pulse in the lower extremities.
- There were no signs of distress.

Come on, we gotta make a decision.

Let's get him a CT angiogram, stat.

Good.

- It's an aortic dissection. It's bad.
- Tell surgery we're on our way.

In a hospital,
it's hard to avoid letting people down.

Whether it's someone
you made a promise to...

- I want my doggie.
- I'm so sorry.

- Let's go, Gandhi, you're on.
- Or someone you love...

- I gotta go.
- Turk, I'm sorry.

Or even someone you barely knew at all.

In the end,
it's the "what ifs" that hurt the most.

Like what if things
had gone a little differently?

It's just that aortic dissections
are a doctor's worst nightmare.

There's about a 90% mortality rate.

Unless your patient was lucky enough
to fall into a CAT scan machine,

he wasn't gonna have a happy ending.

Newbie, we didn't have
a chance on this one.

Me, I don't believe in fate.

We have more control than we think
and every action has a reaction.

After all...

the most minor event,
even a butterfly flapping its wings,

can change everything.

Sometimes for the better.

Even if it doesn't seem like it.

- Look away.
- I can't.

It's funny how a seemingly insignificant
event can set everything else in motion.

Hillside landing.

What is wrong with you?
You're looking at that guy's cleavage

while Susie Big-Rack is busting
out of her niece's tank top.

- How the hell did I miss that?
- Damn, you're whipped.

- Orange Goo-goo.
- Ain't nothing here for you, mooch.

All done.

Could you help me look
for a pink, stuffed doggie?

- I'll meet you upstairs in ten minutes.
- You are the sweetest guy.

I'm blushing.

Could you be half as nice to me
as you are to her?

You are right.
We need a fresh start? Come on.

Fresh start.

I think we need a longer fresh start.

- How long do you suppose this will be?
- Ten minutes. Ease into it.

Let's mix it up. Let's saw some wood.
There we go. Nice. Very good.

And insignificant events
can lead to significant events.

Like me being late because
I was in the world's longest handshake.

- What did I miss?
- Take a wild guess.

I should get Turk a washboard.

Do you think I got to be
Chief of Medicine by being late?

No, Bobbo, you got there
by back-stabbing and ass-kissing.

Maybe so, but I started those things
promptly at eight.

Dr Kelso, that's my pen.

- Nice grab.
- I'm a righty.

You want me to go all the way home
and bring back your lucky do-rag?

And if you could be back in 20 minutes.

Nurse Espinosa,
your shift ended nine minutes ago.

- Why isn't your time card punched out?
- Well, sir...

Punch out on time,
or I'll punch you out on time.

I don't mean that violently,
I was just trying to turn a phrase.

Turk, why didn't you stand up for me?

- You said I was too whipped.
- I need you to be more supportive.

You're absolutely right, baby,
and I apologise. Remember, do-rag.

- Hey, Helen.
- Hey, cutie.

Janitor, thanks for your help. I know
that you're busy. I could call Carla...

No. You mark my words, we will find that
little girl's stuffed animal.

You are really taking
a personal interest in this.

Mommy, where's my teddy bear?

I must have accidentally thrown it out
when I was cleaning up.

This never would have happened
if your room weren't so filthy.

Never again.

Thanks, Rowdy.

By the way, as soon as we're married,
you're out of here.

Basically, I've had nausea and
stomach pains for a couple of days now.

You should avoid eating sushi
from the Gas 'N' Go.

It came free with the fill-up.
Am I supposed to throw it away?

Yes, you are. Fortunately, though,
your vitals are normal.

So we'll check back
with you in a little while.

- Sounds to me like a GI bleed.
- Look, Newbie,

if you leave this hospital
knowing only one thing,

and it looks like
there's a real chance that might happen,

please let this be that one thing.

I'm in charge
and don't care about your opinion.

Now... go get me a cup of coffee.

Just avoid the shoulder bump,
catch the elevator

and make a wise-ass remark
before the doors close.

Hey, Dr Cox, if you're so smart, maybe
you should just go ahead and be...

You're the kinda... Dammit!

I don't know what happened.
I'm usually quick and funny.

So I had this guy
with vomiting and abdominal pain.

Two hours and one CT later,
I tell him he's got ischemic bowel.

Have you ever noticed words that rhyme
with "bowel" are always bad?

Like scowl, growl...
Movies with Andie MacDowell.

- You're right JD, you are funny.
- Stop!

Ischemic bowel.

That's it.

Hey... get out of here.

It's all right, Butchie, she's with me.

- Where's that lost and found box?
- Over here, bro!

Why does it say "free stuff'?

I have no idea.
Hey, is that what you're looking for?

Awesome. What time is it?

4.30.

Dibs.

Dibs.

- Butchie.
- Dude.

Get back to work.

- You found it.
- Of course I did.

That's what I love about you.

You pick up on the things
that are important to me.

It's my job.

When one thing goes right around here,
everything seems to go right.

I know my opinion doesn't mean anything
and I'm apparently useless

which deep down
you know isn't true because...

Shoot, I forgot your coffee.

I was thinking, we should get
a CT scan on Mr Strauss

because
he might have bowel ischemia.

What the hell, it can't hurt.

All right.

- He doesn't look ischemic.
- No, but that there

is the start of an aortic dissection
and dammit, we caught it early.

- Is that good?
- That's very good.

Laverne, call the OR
and have it prepped.

In a hospital it's great
when you come through for someone.

- Thanks.
- I'll see you when you wake up.

Will you be joining us, Gandhi?

Good luck.

I already got it.

Clamp.

Of course, it still doesn't
always work out the way you'd hoped.

Rachel, clean up.

You learn to treasure
the times when things go your way.

I'm so glad you're OK.

And be there for the ones you love
when they don't.

And you learn to accept
that some things are out of your hands.

Didn't matter when we caught it, Newbie.

It was just his time.

Yeah.

Still, with so much of life
left up to chance,

you can't help
but look back and wonder,

what if things had been different?