Screen Two (1985–2002): Season 9, Episode 10 - The Snapper - full transcript

♪ Wise men say

♪ only fools rush in

♪ but I can't help

♪ falling in love with you

♪ shall I stay

♪ would it be a sin

♪ if I can't help...

What are you looking at?

Not much.

Get out, you stupid bitch!

Don't
call me a bitch!



I'm gonna batter you!

Aah!

You're dead!

You better not touch me,
sonny curley!

I've witnesses!

What did
you do to him?

Nothing!

I just gave him
a piece of advice!

I dare ya.
I bleedin' dare ya.

I told him to stop
fiddlin' with himself

when he thought there
was no one looking!

I'll batter you!

Sorry. You'll have
to make an appointment.

You're dead!



Is that a fact? Very interesting.

Shut up!

You're dead.

I'm telling ma!

If you tell ma...

Where you going?

Piss off! Don't!

You're what?

You heard me.

Oh, my Jesus.

You're pregnant, you said?

Yeah.

That's lovely, that is.

You sure?

Yeah. Sort of.

What?

Yeah.

Positive now?
You're only 19.

I'm 20.
You're only 20.

I know what age I am.

Don't start getting
snotty with me.

I should be getting
snotty with you.

Sorry.

It's shocking, that is.

What do you think?

I don't know.

That the best you can do?

Well, what do you think?

I don't know.

We should give out, I suppose,

or throw a wobbler or something,

but what's the point?

I mean, if she was...

you should have
come to us earlier.

Before, you know, when...

said you were
gonna get pregnant,

then we could've done
something about it.

My god.

You're positive, now?

Absolutely certain?
Shh.

♪ molly, my irish molly

good girl. What's
that on your face?

Shaving foam.

Oh. Well, fair enough.

♪ My irish molly,
when you are near ♪

who was it?

What?
I don't know.

Ah, now, Jesus...

Well? No, I do know.

I'm not telling.

Now, look...

Jesus, do you hear that?

Gobshite!

Now, don't start that.
Just tell us.

I can't.

Why not?

I just can't, right?

Well, is he married?

No, he's not.

Well, that's something
I suppose.

Ah, kay... Jesus,
stop it, will you?

The music getting to you, is it?

They're inside
watching the telly.

Go on, get in there.

Go. Get in.

Go on.

Will he marry you?

No, I don't think so.

Ooh, the louser.

That's cheatin', that is.

I know that, kay. Ot a game.

I mean, it's his fault
as much as sharon's,

isn't it, whoever he is.

I mean, it was his flute that...

You've the filthiest mouth!

Ah, lay off, kay, will you?

I'm being harassed!

You just move!

Look, do you want to keep it?

What do you mean?

Do you want to...

He wants to know
do you want an abortion?

I do not!

There's no way
I'm having an abortion!

Good, you're right!

You definitely won't
tell us who it is?

No! Sorry.

Well, there's no more
to be said, is there?

She's obviously
made her mind up.

A man needs a pint
after all that.

Hang on a second.

Yes, love?

Is that all?

What do you mean?

It's a terrible...

the neighbors!

Do you care what
the neighbors think?

Yes, I do.

Sure, the o'neill young ones
are after having kids.

The pair of them.

And the bells would be the same

except they don't
have any daughters,

but you know what I mean.

Tara o'neill had her baby
from paddy bell.

Of course she did.

So fuck the neighbors.

You coming for a drink, sharon?

No, thanks, da.

Ah, come on.

All right.

Good girl.

How about you, kay?

Ah, no. I'll slip
on up to bed.

I'd come up with ya,

only I've an awful throat on me.

Cheerio now... grannie.

♪ Ohh, molly

♪ my irish molly

♪ my sweet acushla dear

♪ I'm fairly off my trolley

♪ my irish molly,
when you are near ♪

still think you should
tell us who the da is.

You can think away, then.

Your mummy took it very well.

Yeah. She was great.

She's a bit old-fashioned,
you know.

Set in her ways.

Yeah.

No, she was great.

So were you.

Ahh.

Those your pals over there?

Yeah.

Go on over to them.
I'll be all right on me own.

Ah, no.

Go on. You might as well.
I'll be grand.

I can always slip downstairs.

I was so embarrassed,
I was scarlet.

I'm not joking yous,
I was burnin'!

How are yous?

Go on.

How are you, sharon?

He was holding the eclair
in his hand like this.

The place was full, and he says,

"why did you rob the cream
out of me eclair?"

The head on him, Jesus!

And did you rob it?

Well, I paid for
the bleedin' thing.

Why shouldn't I have?

I told him to cop on.

"I seen ya," he says,
"with your finger."

So I gave him the finger.

I'd shag the elephant man

before I'd let him
near me again.

The prick.

Here, young fella!

Give us 3 vodkas, 2 cokes,
and a glass of furstenberg.

Have you got that now, chicken?

Hey, handsome,

give us a packet of crisps
as well, will ya?

And do you have any nuts?

Whoo!
You dirty bitch!

I'm only messing with you.

He's a nice
little bum on him,

like 2 eggs in a hankie.

He'll be nice-looking
when he's older, won't he?

Are you going to break it
off with him anyway?

Yeah.

I was giving the matter
my serious consideration.

Then when I saw him
sulking, Jesus!

He was very good-looking,
though. Very handsome.

Not really, mary.

Not when you got
up close to him.

Beauty's only skin deep.

It wasn't even that deep, mary.

He'd loads of little
spots on his chin.

Tiny, little ones, now.

Millions of them!

Only noticed 'em when you
were right up against them,

then you want to throw up.

He was thick as well.

Come here, jackie.
Was he passionate?

No! But he thought
he was.

You know what I mean?

He was just a big, thick monkey.

Looking for somewhere
to stick his banana, what?

Ha! Yvonne burgess!

He stuck his tongue
in me ear once,

and I'm not joking yous.

He was trying to get it
out the other one.

Don't know what he
thought I had in there.

His sense of direction
wasn't the best, either.

Know what I mean?

Jackie o'keefe!

You're bleedin'
disgusting, you are!

Any news, sharon?

No. Not really.

"then the discharge
becomes yellow and offensive."

"Any infected discharge...

"may also result in soreness

"or actual irritation

at the entrance
of the vagina."

Jesus, me fanny!

"it's only
the unfortunate few"

"who suffer severe nausea

or recurrent vomiting."

Sharon, it's not fair!
You've been in there ages!

Get out of there.
You leave sharon alone.

You all right in there, sharon?

Yeah. Coming.

Ah, no, no.
There's no hurry.

No, I've been in already.

Ohh...

Jesus, what were you
drinking last night?

I'm going back to bed.

Ah, yeah, go on.
Good girl.

I'll go on without you, what?

What up with her?

You shut your mouth.

Get in there and get
your clothes on.

Go down to get your breakfast,

and get a bleedin' job
for yourself, right?

Sharon, we're going
to have to tell them.

Stop it, will yous?

Keep it... here, give me that.

Hey! Shh!

Now... stop it.

Are yous all listening?

I'm in hurry.
Will you get on with it?

Shut up!

He has to sit on the wall
all day and do nothin'.

You go and shite you,
you stupid bitch... what?

Don't you "what" me,
sonny curley.

No language like that
in this house.

Exactly!
Don't start, you.

You never hit her!

I do so!

I'm not taking this!

Have a nice day!

You better watch yourself,

or you'll find yourself

packing your shampoo
and spot creams.

I'm sorry. You'll have to
discuss it with my solicitor.

Don't you start.

Now...

sharon has
a bit of news for yous.

I can't help it.

I'm sorry, sharon.
Go on, love.

I'm going to have a baby.

That's massive, sharon.

Is that all?

Women, what?

Right.

Where's your bump?

They'll drive sharon spare.

That's a weed there.
Look.

She belched there,
inside with the telly.

Kimberley asked her if
she was gonna have the baby.

I don't know.

It's hard to believe
you can get so much shite

out of only one dog, isn't it?

Dessie?
Huh?

Do you not think
we should tell the girls

what sharon did was wrong?

What?

I don't mean turn them
against her or anything...

Or the baby, remember.

Yes, I know that.
But...

What?

I think we should tell them.

Without, you know...

I think we should tell them

that it's better to be
married if you're pregnant.

Jeez, they're a bit
young, aren't they?

I mean, lisa, maybe.

You'll need a shears for that.

What were you thinking
of telling them?

Do you think we should?

Whatever you think
yourself, kay.

I'm only their da.
They'll laugh at me.

Times have changed.

Jesus, where did
she leave her cop-on?

Did she never
hear of contraception?

Do you remember that crombie
coat you used to have?

What?

Do you remember the coat?

No.

You do so!

You used to keep it spotless
except for your dandruff.

I didn't have dandruff.

You did so!

After you bought it,
you stopped trying

to get me to go into
the fields with you.

It was the best contraceptive

ever invented, that coat.

It's in the attic.

How are ya?

How are ya, sharon?

I'm pregnant.
Did I tell yous?

Ha ha ha!

Yeah, well, I am.

She's bleedin' serious!

Well done, sharon.

Thanks, jackie.

Yeah, sharon. Congrats.

Thanks, mary.

Well done, sharon,
ya thick bitch, ya.

Jesus, though, sharon.

I know.
It's terrible, really.

How long you gone, sharon?

16 weeks.

You don't look it.

I do.

I won't argue.
You're the expert.

I'm only messin'.

I'll start getting
bigger in a few weeks.

You can hang around
with someone else then.

No fellas'll come near us
if one of us is pregnant.

So, sharon,
who you havin' it for?

I can't tell.
Sorry.

Sharon.
Give us a hint.

No.
Just a little one.

Do we know him?

You're scarlet.
We must know him.

Is he married?

Jesus!
No, he's not.

I'll bet you he is.

Is he in here?

Jesus, yvonne!

Would you do it
with anyone here?

I was only asking!

You're right, though.

Sorry for insulting you, sharon.

Seriously, though, sharon.
Do we really not know him?

No. Swear to god.

Where did yous...

Look, I don't want to
talk about it, all right?

Let's get pissed, will we?

Oh, yeah.

Young sharon's after
getting herself up the pole.

Your sharon, like?

Yeah. Gas, isn't it?

But she's not married.

I know that.

Who did the damage?

We don't know.
She won't tell us.

You'd want to find out,
wouldn't you?

Excuse me, compadre.

What's it to you who it was?

I couldn't give a shite
who it was.

I'm not gonna buy
the food, the nappies,

or the little bleedin'
track suits.

Dessie is!

I am in me hole!

Hang on a sec.

Maybe I will, what?

Ah, so what?
I don't care.

It's only a baby.

Snapper, what?

Compadre...

I can let you have
some very good baby clothes.

Mucho goodo stuff.
Benetton.

Ha ha! Benetton.

Very competitive price.

Sorry, lads.

Will you take a few of
these raffle tickets off me?

What for?

This.

We need a new set of jerseys

for the under fifteen lads.

They've all grown bigger
since the start of the season.

Here, we'll take a few

for sharon's snapper, will we?

That's a very good idea.

No!

Here you go,
georgie. Here.

There.

Thanks very much, lads.

That's great.

Oh, give a little.
Helps a lot.

Gobshite.

Absolutely.

Listen...

do you think she'll get married?

What's that?

Oh, no. No.
Jesus, no.

They've more cop-on
these days, eh?

I mean, would you get married

if you were that age
again... these days?

What?

I think I'm going to cry.

Anyway, I wouldn't want sharon
getting married that young.

She's her whole life
ahead of her.

Exactly.

Unless she drinks an iffy pint.

Having a baby's
the most natural thing

in the world.

That's right!

Oh, gobshite!

♪ oleé, ole, oleé, ole ♪

♪ oleé, ole ♪

whoo!

Was it
dessie delaney?

No!

I was only askin'!

Well, don't!

I'm not tellin', so feck off!

Was it billy delaney, then?

Sharon curley's
pregnant, did you hear?

Sharon curley's
up the pole.

Sharon curley's having a baby.

I don't
believe you!

Jesus!

Jesus!
Are you serious?

Who's she having it for?

I don't know.

She won't say.

She doesn't know.
Ha ha ha!

She can't remember!

That's shocking!

Dirty bitch.

Mmm.
Poor sharon.

The slut!

I don't believe her.

The stupid bitch.

She had that coming.

Serves her right.

Ah, poor sharon.

Let's see her get into
those jeans now.

Are you
all right, sharon?

Are you all right, sharon?

Now?
Yeah.

Aw, god almighty.

Jesus, sharon,

you'll soon be the same
shape as me, what?

Thanks very much.

♪ Now I've got to know
what is and isn't mine ♪

he's coming!
He's coming!

♪ If you
received my letter ♪

we should have met him
at the airport.

Not at all.

♪ Then you'll know
just what to do ♪

♪ if you still want me

♪ if

♪ you still want me

♪ well,
tie a yellow ribbon ♪

♪ 'round the old oak tree

♪ it's been 3 long years

♪ do you still want me

♪ still want me

♪ if I don't
see a ribbon ♪

♪ 'round
the old oak tree ♪

♪ I'll stay on the bus

♪ forget about us

♪ put the blame on me

craig, love.

Sharon's having a baby.

Is that right?

That's right, yeah.

Who was it?

Do you want me
to sort him out for you?

Sure, I already offered...

Grow up, will you?

No bullets?

No.

Well, what's the point
of giving you a gun

if they don't give
you Jesus bullets?

So we wouldn't shoot anyone.

I thought that was the point.

How else you supposed to
keep the bleedin' peace?

That's crazy, that is.

It was no joke, all right?

You had to look straight at 'em.

Who?
The arabs.

Straight at them.

Straight into their eyes.
Mesmerized them.

Easier said
than done, I'd say.

Who are you telling?

Thanks.

Hit me, will you?

Get out!

Hey, sharon...

you forgot your piss.
Urine.

Da!

Next time you try that,
you better watch it.

For god's sake, are you daft?

He's not only that.

He's such a roving eye for
everybody in this hospital.

Did you see him? Every
young student doctor...

She said she wanted
to know my menstrual history.

I didn't know what she was
talking about till she told me.

I felt like
a right bleedin' idiot.

Why didn't she
just say "your periods"?

We'll weigh you now, sharon.

Doctors
are always like that.

"menstrual history."

I got a "c" in that in me inter.

How are your movements?

Not bad.
How's yours?

There's the heartbeat
now. See it?

Yeah.

Only one heart.

What?

There aren't twins in there.

Oh, yeah.

That there is a leg. See it?

Oh, yeah.

Sharon?

Why didn't you
come in this morning?

Had a checkup.
I swapped with mona.

You should be on check...

Ask her.

You should be on check-out now.

I can't do it!

Why not?

'Cause I have to keep
going to the toilet!

Why aren't you in uniform?

It doesn't fit me anymore!

He must be a right
fucking bastard!

I know what I'd have told him.

He blushed.
You should've seen him.

Just 'cause
I said "toilet."

Is he good-looking, sharon?

Ah, you're joking me.

You know roland the rat?

Well, he looks like him,
only not as nice.

He asked me why I wasn't
wearing me uniform,

so I stuck out me belly,

and I said, "it
doesn't fit me anymore!"

You were dead right, sharon.

You should've stuck
one of your tits

in his mouth as well.

You should see
the state of me nipples.

Jesus.

Frank kinsella's
a ride, isn't he?

It wasn't him.

I didn't say he...

It wasn't him.
It wasn't his brother.

It wasn't my brother.
It wasn't bart simpson.

It wasn't anybody.

Now get off me
bleedin' back, will ya?

I'm sick of it!
She didn't...

You keep out of it, right!

He is a ride, though, isn't he?

Frank kinsella.

Bitch.

What's that that's on, sharon?

Yachting.

Ah, gobshite.

Would you look at
that fucking idiot?

Can you not just say idiot?

That's what I did say.

Where are you going?

Toilet.

Jesus, again?

Me uterus is pressing
into me bladder.

Ah, now stop that, sharon!

I don't want to hear
that sort of thing!

It's not right.

Sorry.

It's ok.

Where's the remote?

Da?

No, you can't have a bike.

It's not his birthday
for ages yet, is it?

Oh, Jesus.

There's nothing on
the telly tonight, is there?

There's never anything on.

Oh, you're right, of course,

but there's absolutely
nothing on tonight, is there?

I suppose a ride
is out of the question?

Hang on till I get
this line done.

You serious?

I suppose so.

Fucking great.

You're not messing now?

No.

Just let me finish
the next line.

I'll go up and brush me teeth.

That'll be nice.

Come on, up
on the stools, everybody.

I've an announcement
to make. Quick.

Come on, move it,
move it, will yous?

Come on! Quick,
get up there!

Would you take it easy?

Get her down off that.

People have to eat at the...

Get her off the stool!

Shut up! Shut up!

Happy birthday, darren.

Happy birthday, darren.

Yeah, good lad.
There you go, what.

What is it?

Open it and see.

It's not a bike.

He's brilliant, isn't he?

I know that!

Ooh, wow.

Very nice.

It's a pump.

Yeah, it's a very good one, too.

See, I'm gonna get you
a wheel for your christmas,

and another wheel
for your next birthday,

and then the saddle,
what. Ha ha ha ha.

You can pump yourself
to school every morning now.

Go away, you.

Yous are messing.

We are, of course.

Kay, when you're ready.

♪ Dee dee dee
diddly dee dee dee ♪

ohh!
Whoa!

It's a beauty, isn't it?

Get yourself
up on that. Go on.

What?

It's a stephen roche special.

Oh, yous are still messing.

'course we are.

♪ Dee dee dee
diddly dee dee dee ♪

Whoa! Ohh!

Whoa, ho ho ho!

Throw your leg
over that one, what.

Sorry, sharon.

It's a rally!

'Course.
Only the best.

It's not the best,
though. Peugot are.

You ungrateful little bollix.

Give me that back.

No, give it!

Give me that back!

I want to keep it, dad.
Give it!

It's a bit embarrassing, really.

When I heard him
talking about sharon...

your sharon, like, on sunday.

What was he saying about sharon?

He said she was
a great little ride.

My god.

What...

you wouldn't want to be
listening to that fella.

I only told you 'cause...

I don't know
why I told you, really.

You were right.

It's pathetic.

A grown man talking like that.

Exactly.

Just 'cause
she's up the pole.

exactly.

It's stupid.

Yeah.

You wouldn't
want to be getting

worked up about it.

Still, though...

it's just...

I heard something.

I thought I should warn you.

Warn me?

Yeah, warn you.

You know your man,
george burgess?

What about
mr. Burgess?

He was saying things.

Not to me face.

It was lester who told me.

He was saying things...

about you being pregnant.

What was he saying?

He said...

He said you were
a great little ride.

So lester says, anyway.

Iester wouldn't make a thing
up like that, would he?

Jesus, no.
Not lester. Never.

Ah, well...

you're not upset, are you?

No. Being
called a ride's

a bit of a compliment,
really, isn't it?

Jesus, I don't know about that.

Anyway, he shouldn't be
saying things like that.

Sure, men are always

saying things
like that about girls.

But not about daughters.

Don't be thick, da.
All girls are daughters.

Well, not my fucking
daughters, then.

that's hypocritical.

I don't give a shite what it is.

He has daughters of his own.

That young one, your friend.

Yvonne?

Yeah, that's right.

It's shocking!

I don't want some
fat little fucker

insulting any of my family.

Especially not you.

You're me knight
in shining armor.

Ah, don't start that.

I just thought
I should let you know.

Is your daddy there?

Yeah.

Can I see him for a minute?

He's still having his tea.

Is it george you want, sharon?

Yeah, mrs. Burgess.

About darren. He's sick.

Ah. Go on into
the lounge, love.

She's in here, is she?

Yeah.

What the hell do you
think you're up to,

you little bitch?

What do you think you're
up to, you little bastard?

What?

What did you say
about me to your friends?

I didn't say anything to anyone.

You said I was a ride.
I'm a great little ride.

I was only joking.

You got your hole.
What else did you say?

Nothing.
Not another thing.

I swear on the bible.

Sure, they'd never
believe I got me...

Had... with you.

They'd think
I was joking.

If you ever blab out
and tell anyone again,

I'll tell mrs. Burgess
what you did. I will.

I... I won't.
D-don't worry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

So you should be.

I don't mind being pregnant,

but I do mind people knowing
who made me pregnant.

Hang on a second.

I'll be back in a minute.

How are you, sharon?

Hello, yvonne.

Where's me dad?

He went out to get
something for darren.

Oh. Me hair.

I'll see you later
in the pub, all right?

Yeah. See you later.

Ah, yvonne.
You saw sharon.

Darren is sick.

We'll miss him on saturday.

He's turned into

a right good little goalkeeper.

That was close.

That's for yourself, sharon.

Do you think I'm a
prostitute, mr. Burgess?

God, no!
Jesus, no!

It's not the way
you think, sharon.

Oh, shite.

No, i-it's a present.
No hard feelings.

We both made a mistake.
We were both stupid.

Now, go and buy yourself
a few sweets, uh, drinks.

You're an awful bleedin'
eejit, mr. Burgess.

Put your tenner
back in your pocket.

Ok.

Sorry.

Oh, yeah.

I, uh...

I kept these for you.
Your panties.

Isn't that what you call them?

Me knickers?

Yeah, I was just
keeping them for you

in case they get lost.

What were you doing with them?

Nothing.
Don't start that.

I was going to
show them to the lads.

Oh, my god!

But I didn't.

I've changed me mind.

Give us back the tenner.
I deserve it.

Certainly.
There you are.

And remember,

if you ever say anything
to anyone again about me,

I'm going
to tell mrs. Burgess.

Ah, there you are, dessie.
How's it going?

You keep your hands off me.

What's wrong with you?

You know bleedin' well
what's wrong with me!

You were saying things
about sharon!

No, you got it wrong, dessie.

Wrong? Me bollixs!

No, honestly.
I swear!

Me bollix!

I'm sorry, dessie.

You should be
ashamed of yourself,

an old thing like you.

Saying things like that
about young girls.

I... I know.

You're not worth hitting.

Dessie, I'm sorry.

Really, on the bible.

I was just messing
with the lads.

The lads.
You sound like a kid.

If you ever say anything
about sharon again,

I'll kill you, right.

No, no, I... I won't.
You needn't worry about...

And if you drop darren
from the football team

because of this,
I'll bleedin' kill you, too!

Jesus, sorry.

♪ The one you said
I could do without ♪

♪ well, we're
in an awful mess ♪

♪ and I don't mean maybe

♪ Please

♪ papa, don't preach

♪ I'm in trouble deep

♪ papa, don't preach

♪ I've been losing sleep

♪ but I've made up
my mind, ohh ♪

♪ I'm keeping my baby

♪ I'm gonna keep my baby

♪ ooh, yeah

ohh.

Ohh.

Turn your head.

Who did that to you?

Me best friend!

Fair enough.
Suits you.

See, I told you.
It looks lovely!

Pat says his dad's after
running away from home.

Pat who?

Burgess.

Georgie burgess

is after running away from home?

Yeah. Pat's ma's
up to 90.

He said she's knocking
back the valiums

like there's no tomorrow.

She would be.

Lend her
some of yours, ma.

Poor doris.

That's a good one,
though, huh? Ha ha.

Do you know
where he's gone, darren?

No. Pat said
he just snuck out.

tom sawyer, what.

That's made my day.

Fixed.
Tom sawyer burgess.

Oh, Jesus!

He must have a mot
hidden away somewhere.

Sií, señor.

Who'd look at him?

The state of him.

have you
looked at yourself recently?

I'm not running away, am I?

And shirking me
responsibilities.

He's not that bad.

You fancy him yourself, do you?

No!

Iester fancies younger lads.

Isn't that right, lester?

Lay off, would you?

I can't
understand it meself.

You know, the way queers...

like each other.

Do you think about it much?

No.

Nearly never.

Lay off, would yous?

So, señor burgess has vamoosed.

And shirked
his responsibilities.

Don't start, you.

Poor doris.

And the kids.

Why don't you adopt them?

Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.

Do you ever... I-leave me alone.

Ha ha ha.

Jesus.
Poor yvonne, though.

Yeah.

Maybe we should go round to her.

Ah, no.

Yeah, I'd be too embarrassed.

Yeah.

Is craig with yvonne, sharon?

Don't know.
Didn't see him.

Can you imagine it?

Your da!

Jesus!
Ha ha ha.

Jesus, yeah.

sharon! Sharon!

Oh, sharon,
there's someone outside.

Who?

I don't know.
I'm not looking.

A pervert, probably.

I'm cold.

Oh, janey.

Shh!

just shut up!

Who is it?

Just some young fellas messing.

Messing!
At this hour of night.

Give me a look.

They're gone.

What young fellas?

They're gone, lisa.

They'd better not
have been looking for me.

I'll kill them.

♪ return to sender

♪ address unknown

♪ no such number

♪ no such zone

ma!

I hope you
will understand, doris.

I cannot abandon this girl.

A-b-a-n-d-o-n.

She has no one else
to look after her.

Full stop.

Dirty-looking eejit.

I am,
as the old song goes,

torn between 2 lovers.

P.s. the paper
is my sister's.

Sharon curley.

Doris.

Doris.

Is your sharon here?

She's at work, doris.

Why? Why do you
want her?

Well, if you must know,

she's been messing
around with my george.

He's the father.

Get lost.

I will not get lost.

She's your daughter.

Go home, will you?

Of course.
I should've known.

She's her mother's daughter.

What's after happening, doris?

Your woman hit her.
You seen it yourself.

I mean before that.

What happened, doris?

Kay curley gave her
a terrible clapper

on the nose.

I'll do it meself.

What did she do that for, doris?

sharon.

What?

Sharon curley!

Feck off.

You're joking!

No way. No way.

No way!

Ah, Jesus christ!

Are you
all right, sharon?

Jesus, kay,

that bastard's older than I am.

Georgie burgess.

I can't even go for a pint now.

About time you stayed in.

I'll see yous. I'm just
going over to yvonne's.

I'd make alternative
arrangements

if I were you.

oh, Jesus.

♪ can you forgive me?

♪ Ooh, yeah

Ha ha ha ha!

♪ Oleé ♪

♪ oleé, ole,
oleé, ole ♪

♪ oleé, ole ♪

♪ oleé,
oleé, ole, oleé, ole ♪

♪ oleé, ole ♪

Are you all right, sharon?

A man.

Is that you squeaking?

No.

Ah.

Oh. Ohh.

Oh.

Ohh.

That was a-one.

Good girl.

Who was that?

Sharon, are you coming?

I'm coming.

Hurry up, will you!

How in the...

It wasn't him.

I never said it was.

It wasn't him, right!

Ok, ok.

Well, if it wasn't burgess...

It wasn't bleedin' burgess!

George burgess!

Shite.

True
as I'm standing here.

She's having it for him.

They're getting a flat.

Jesus!

Shirley,
come here. Listen.

You know your woman
who's preggers?

Guess who's the da? Mr. burgess!

look it!

Hey, slut!

How's mr. Burgess?

Slut!

Take it back!

Take it back,
you fucking bastard!

♪ Hey, baby

♪ it's your georgie porgie

♪ let me tell you
where I've been ♪

♪ let me tell
you where they've been ♪

♪ hey, baby, it's
your georgie porgie ♪

Oh, look here, she's coming.

Oh, here's the tart again.

Stupid old curley.

I spilled again.

Sharon!

Wait, will you?

Hang on!

Close your mouth
there, mrs. O'leary.

The birds'll
start nesting in it.

There's no bleedin' way,
jackie. You know that.

I know. I know that!

Jesus, the state of him.

There's no way you'd have...

Don't say it.
I'll get sick, I swear.

Jeez, can you imagine it?

Jesus.

That big fat belly
on top of you.

Stop!

You telling?

I suppose I'd better.

Jesus, sharon.
Come on.

It was one of them
spanish sailors.

What?

You know. You do.

In town.

There was a big boat,
you know, in the docks,

for 2 days I think it was.

Oh, he was gorgeous,
jackie, I'm not joking you.

Was he?

Jesus!

You never mentioned him before.

I didn't want to.

And now I have to.
It was only for one night.

Yeah. Do you know
his address?

I don't even know
his bleedin' name, jackie!

In a hotel.

Jesus.

Lovely.

Like letter to brezhnev.

God, yeah.
I never thought of that.

Jesus. He nearly
had me screaming.

I'm not joking!
Ha ha ha!

We did it in the bath as well!

Aah!

It was brilliant.

Oh, god.

I'd love that.

Come here.

Did he give you his cap?

What?

His cap.

You know, his uniform.

Uh, no.

Did he not?

You know melanie beglin?

She has two of them.

A german and a swedish.

Does she?

Yeah. She's a slut,
that one.

Jesus, sorry, sharon.
I didn't mean...

I don't know what she
has to laugh at.

You don't hear me
laughing, do you?

Thank god.

Lower that thing, will you?!

♪ you can live
any way you want... ♪

She can go and laugh
somewhere else.

Jesus, me heart!

Was that one of ours?

Wait a minute.
Hold on.

Where was it?

Burgess!

Burgess, you bastard, you!

Come on out!

Come on!

Will you come on!

Stay out of this, you.

Come out, burgess!

Get in here, you gobshite!

Craig, love,
come on home.

He's not in there, you eejit!

I'm doing this
for you, you slut!

come out!

Oh, yeah. Come on!

Right, come on!

Come on!

Come on!

Fucking knock me down!

Go to hell!
Come on!

Janey mac!

Come on!

Come on. In.

In, in. Get in.

Jesus!

♪ do not forsake me,
oh, my darling ♪

♪ On this
our wedding day ♪

♪ do not forsake me

Do you know
what, sergeant?

He done it deliberately.

He backed right over her.

Oh, god, the poor little thing.

And all 'cause I
gave him shepherd's pie

2 nights on the trot.
Tsk, tsk.

But... I have
the evidence here now.

Oh, god.

Spanish, no less!

Yeah. Spanish.

An irish sailor

wasn't good enough
for you, what?

And will sinbad
the spanish sailor

pay for burgess' broken windows,

I wonder?

Will he be much longer,
do you think?

That depends on himself.

Well, I have a few
sandwiches for him.

What are they?

Uh, ham.

I'll see he gets them.

Thanks.

Spanish sailor, me arse.

She's a lying, fucking bitch!

Ah, look at you.

I don't care what you say!

♪ I'm pedro
the sailor man ♪

♪ Toot, toot

Sharon?

Are you sure the baby
won't look like mr. Burgess?

No, he won't!

He's not the daddy, kimberley.

I told you that.

Who said that, anyway?

Nicola malley.

Well, you tell nicola malley

to piss off.

I did already.
Good.

And I scraped her face as well.

Good.

And I scribbled
all over her sums.

Brilliant.

Look out, sharon.

Hello, sharon.

How'd you know I was here?

Did you not see me
over by the vegetables?

What do you want?

I want to talk to you, sharon.

Well, that's a pity,
mr. Burgess,

'cause I don't want
to talk to you.

Ah, sharon, please.
I have to talk.

I'm tormented.

You're tormented?
You've made me

the laughingstock of barrytown.

I can't go out
without being jeered at.

You're tormented?
You prick, you!

Please, sharon, please.

What?

Come on, I'm in a hurry.

Sharon...

sharon, I love you, sharon.

Don't laugh at me.
I do.

On the bible, I love you.

I'm very
embarrassed, sharon.

I think I want to take
care of you, sharon.

You took care of me
7 months ago.

It's my son, too, remember.

Son?

Baby.
I... I meant baby.

Your baby?

You have it bad,
haven't you, mr. Burgess?

Yeah. Yeah,
I have been living a lie

for the past 15 years.

It's taken you to
make me cop on, sharon.

Did you rehearse this,
mr. Burgess?

No! Yeah.

Well, I've been thinking

of nothing else,
to be honest with you.

Come to london with me, sharon.

I've a sister over there.

Would you ever... feck off!

Sharon, please!
Let me finish!

No. I'm going anywhere
with you, mr. Burgess.

I'm staying here. Anyway,
it's not your baby.

Is it because
I'm older than you?

It's because I hate the
bleedin' sight of you!

You're not just sayin' that?

No, I hate you!
Will I sing it for you?

What about the little baby?

Forget about the little baby!

If you must know,
you were off target!

I was not!

You were, so there!

It was a spanish sailor,
if you must know!

Spanish?!

I sleep around, mr. Burgess,
you know what I mean?

I find that hard
to believe, sharon.

Go home, mr. Burgess.
Go home!

Sharon, please...

Will you shut up before
you make an even bigger sap

out of yourself! Go home!

All right. Ok.

It'll be
our secret, sharon.

I'll always
remember you, sharon!

You met this young fella,

you... you "clicked,"

and you went to a hotel room,

and you're telling me you
can't remember his name?

I was drunk, I said.

I was drunk when
I met your mother!

I still remember
her name! Kay!

Don't shout.

Look, I was really
drunk. Pissed!

Sorry, mummy.

How do you know
he was spanish then?

Or a sailor?

He could have been
a pakistani postman

if you were that drunk!

Well?!

You needn't believe me
if you don't want to!

Oh, thanks very much!

Will we get out?

No.

What do you think?
Do you believe her?

I think I'll be
delighted if the father

was a spanish sailor
and not georgie burgess.

God, yeah.

Why don't you leave her alone?

What do you mean?

If she says he's
a spanish sailor,

why not let her say it?

What, believe her?

Yeah.

I don't know.

If... if she'd just give us
a name or something.

What does it matter?

What?

Do they believe me?

They do, yeah.
I think they do.

But it's a better gas,

thinkin' of mr. Burgess
doin' it with you

instead of the other fella.

That's what you're
fighting against, sharon.

Barrytown's sense of humor.

Terrible smell in here,
isn't there, mary?

They shouldn't let
prostitutes in here.

I'll kill you!

Don't bother!
Come on!

Hey, yvonne...

don't bother.
Just come, please.

Bitch.

I don't think
they do believe me.

It's him.

No, it's not.

What do you think
about it, compadre mio?

Sorry, bertie.
I... I wasn't listening.

I was lookin' at that
soccer shower over there.

They're laughing at me.

Ah, cop on to yourself, will ya?

I'm telling you,

they're looking over
here and laughing.

There's no one laughing at you.

If they want,
they can bleedin' try.

Anyway, it wasn't
burgess at all.

It was a spanish sailor
now, she says.

Sharon.

So you said.

Why did burgess
do a legger, then?

Sií, señor.

Sharon's a lovely-looking woman.

She'll have lads
queuing up for her.

Burgess'd never get near her.

I'd say it was
a spanish sailor, all right.

Yes, hombre.
He speaks the truth.

Oh.

Good-lookin' lad, you know.

Different as well, like.

Dark and tall.

Exotic.
Exactly.

And a hefty langer on him, huh?

Christopher columbus.

Janey, he moved!

Of course he did.

Give us a go.

He kicked, yeah.

Here as well.

How could he?

He has 2 legs, lisa.
Take it easy.

Shite.

I tell you what,
I gave as good as I got.

They were laughing at me,
I'm telling ya!

Will you calm down?

Let me go!
I'll bust 'em!

Aren't you great?

I'm not going up there anymore.

I... I don't care!

I can't enjoy me pint
under them conditions.

Georgie burgess!

Oh, shut up.
I'm sick of it.

Here, sharon.

Your da's after been
defending your honor.

Isn't he great?

What happened to you?

Nothing, sharon. Nothing.

Don't mind your mother.

She's been at the sherry again.

Were you in a fight?

No, not really.

What happened?
Yeah?

Well...

they were saying things.

I won't
let anyone... anyone

jeer sharon.
I don't care who they are.

You're a bleedin' idiot.
Why didn't you ignore them?

'Cause I'm not like that!

You're my daughter, sharon!

And, feck it all,
you're my daughter,

and as long as you
live in this house,

I won't let bollixes
say things about you!

Maybe I should leave then.

No, sharon, no.

Maybe I will if
you're going to keep

getting into fights
all the time!

I won't, sharon. Honest!
It was just the once!

I... I won't listen
to them anymore.

Only a shower of shites!

Well... look,
I know you mean well.

I know, sharon.

But I can fight me own
fights on me own!

No better girl.

Anyway, they've nothing
to jeer me about.

You're right, sharon!
Of course!

It's a terrible shock.

What?

Being married for 25 years

and suddenly discovering
your husband's a prick.

What?!

You'd be a long time waiting

before you'd get a bit of
gratitude in this house!

Huh. Ohh!

No!

She's havin' the baby!

I'm not.

Look, keep back, you.
Give her space.

I have to go to the toilet!

Is that all? Jesus!

The kettle's boiled in here.

You're not goin' out like that.

Oh, da, please!

You're not goin'
out dressed like that!

You can forget about it.

What's wrong with it?

Every bowsie in barrytown
will be sniffin' after ya.

That's what's wrong with it.

Stop that, dessie.

...pretty sure
that the 2 groups

are closely related.

Well, we already have one...

One what?

Go upstairs,

put a proper skirt on,

and then you can go out.

Go on, love.

Yous haven't a clue.

It's got
a segmented body...

Hey, where you goin'?

To jackie's!

...a fist
with a hook on it.

That is a sign that this
is a fully mature...

what? What?!

Ah, go on. Go on and
play with your pals.

I can't go to the pub.

You're dead right.

I wouldn't take that from my da.

Is that all right then?

Yeah, it is and come here.

If nothing happens, and
he's still actin' the prick,

we go ahead
and do it. Ok?

Are you serious?

Yeah. Why not?

Anything to get away
from these bleedin' things.

They freak me out, they do.

I can never
stay in here on me own.

All these little
cement men starin' at me.

There, sharon.

Mr. burgess, what?

♪ I'm amazed I let it
slip away ♪

♪ I, I am crazed

♪ it's runnin'
through my... ♪

Hi.

♪ Pain that runs...

I said, "hi, daddy."

I heard you.

♪ Has to fall

you're in me way.
Look out.

I was watchin' that!

Why won't you
talk to me anymore?

I do talk to ya.

You don't.
Yes, I do.

I said hello to you yesterday.

Not properly.

I'll tell you the last time
you talked to me properly.

The night before
you were hit in the nose.

Why are you treating me
like shite, daddy?

I don't know what
you're talkin' about.

You do know.

Will I tell ya?

'Cause I've shamed the family.

No!

Don't bother denying it.

It's true.

I've been stupid and selfish.

I should've known.

And I know you still think
that mr. Burgess is...

I don't think
mr. Burgess is anything.

You do. Even though
you hide it well.

Sorry, daddy.
You were great.

So, I think it'd be best
if I leave, for everyone.

You can get back to normal.

Leave?
Yeah.

Me and jackie are
goin' to get a flat.

You're not goin'.

I am. I want to.

It's for the best.

Night, night.

Ah, sharon, no.

She won't go.

I'll talk to her in the mornin'.

you were great, da.

She apologized.

Pub.

What's hard and hairy
on the outside?

It's wet...

And soft on the inside.

Ha ha ha!

Jesus.

It begins with a "c".

It ends with a "t".

And it has a "u"
and an "n" in it.

A cu-cu-cu-coconut.

Ha!

A coconut!

But, sharon, you can't go.
I won't let you.

Try bleedin' stoppin' me.

Now, there's no need for that.

We want you
to stay here with us...

a-a-and have it...
the... the baby... with us.

Don't we, kay?
Yeah.

I'm goin'.
When?

After dinner.
Today?

Yeah.

Oh, for christ's sake, sharon.

God. Oh.

I hope you enjoyed gettin'
yourself into that state.

Did you?

It's for the best.
I'm goin'.

Huh? Look,
this is your home.

You should stay.
Stay with your family.

Maybe now. But look it.

It's gonna keep reminding
you of mr. Burgess.

Oh, no.

No, it will.
Even though it wasn't him.

I'll go upstairs and pack.

What? Oh.

She's not goin', kay.

She's not!

And you, gobshite!

You wash them dishes
when you're finished!

Now get off him, will ya?

You on your own?

Yep.

Where's the girls?

I don't know.
Out.

Fair play to them.

Don't go, sharon.

I have to.

you don't have to.

Sorry. Cryin'.

I don't know what to say.

sorry, sharon.

I haven't cried
since I was a kid.

You cried during the world cup.

Sober, sharon, sober.

Drunk doesn't count.

We all do stupid things
when we're drunk, don't we?

I know.

Oh, Jesus, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it like that.

I know, da.

I'm sorry. Anyway, look.

I've been a right bollix

'cause I was feelin'
hard done by.

It's my fault.
Please don't go, sharon.

I'll only keep
remindin' you of...

Look, I'm
sorry to interrupt you.

This is really
hard for me to say.

I wanted you to feel bad,

'cause I was feelin'
sorry for meself.

I can't look at you
when I'm sayin' this.

Please,
don't go, sharon.

We need you here.

The girls!

What about the baby?

I feel like a bleedin'
eejit.

I love you, sharon.

And the baby,
well, it'll be yours,

so I'll love it the same.

What if it looks
like mr. Burgess?

I don't care what it looks like.

I couldn't give a shite.

That's easy to say now.

I'm not just
saying that, sharon.

I swear I'm not.

If it looked like burgess'
arse, I'd still love it.

On the bible.

What if it's a girl
and it looks like mr. Burgess?

Oh, feck it.

Then we'll have to smother it

and leave it on his step, what?

Daddy.

I'm only messin'.

She'll be lovely.

She better be.

We're a good-lookin' family.

Anyway, it won't
look like burgess,

'cause he isn't the da, right?

Yeah.

Unless your spanish sailor

looks a bit like him.
Does he?

Just a little bit.

Oh, well.

♪ because I love you

♪ in my own peculiar way

once more.

♪ Because I love you

♪ in my own peculiar way

here, look, get
yourselves some 7-ups

and some of that stuff
that tina turner drinks.

What is it?
Pepsi.

Go on.

What about me?

A toblerone?
A toblerone for your mommy.

Take that. Go on.

Can I have a flake?

Yeah, go on.

Hang on! Get me something
with marshmallows in it!

Feck ya!

Are you well, kay?

I'm all right.

Huh? Ha ha ha.

Ma?

What?

What do you think of sebastian?

Lovely.

River. Call him
river, sharon.

What about... ma?

What?

What about marcus?
Lovely.

Great help you are.

I think it should be desmond.

Come on. I'll give
you a lift, love.

Keanu.

No way.

River, then.

River curley?
Get lost, lisa.

Ah, it's for the wife.

Stick that in.
In the socket there.

Which one?

The bottom one.

There?
Yeah, go on.

Aah!
Jeez!

What in the name
of Jesus was that?

What happened?

She stuck
the nail in the socket.

Again? What'd you do that for?

'cause it fit.

We'll have to
have her looked at.

I'll get me jacket.

I can't wait to see
the shaggin' electric bill.

Are you readin' this?

What?

Uh, yeah.

What are you readin' it for?

Ha. Curiosity, you know?

Kimberley's after
electrocutin' herself again.

Do you get cramps, sharon?

No.

No? Good. I'd say they'd
be a killer, what?

We'll have to keep
our fingers crossed.

Nothin' else?

Wrong?
Yeah.

No.
Good.

I'll see you.
All right?

Where are yous?

Here!

Is it safe
to touch her?

Come on. Get out.

I was lookin' at another
chapter there about, you know,

doin' the business.

Sex?

Yeah. Jesus.

I don't know. Ha.

It's very complicated, isn't it?

I can't say I don't know.

What? Oh, yeah.
Ha ha ha.

I'd say georgie burgess

was a dab hand
at the old foreplay, what?

Aw, daddy.

Only messin'.

But you know...

this business, you know...
ridin' and that, you know...

Jesus, I don't know, sharon.

I'd better warn mummy.

What?

Oh, very good.
Very good, yeah.

Oh, come on!

I don't want to miss
the antiques roadshow.

your fingernail!
Dessie!

Sorry.

How was that?

I love you, kay.

Jesus! Get out
and brush your teeth.

No. Hang on.
Do that again.

What? That?

Yeah.

There?

Do you like that, kay?

It's all right.

Where did you learn to do that?

Let go!
Where?

Let... in a book!
Will you let go?

I will
always remember you, sharon.

Jesus!

What's wrong?
Is he comin'?

No. No, I'm sorry.

I just fell asleep
without knowin'. Sorry.

It's all right.

You can't be too careful
about these things.

Oh, we wouldn't want
you burstin' your waters

all over our furniture.

Sure we wouldn't, dessie dear.

They are new covers.

Sorry, sharon.

That's a terrible
thing for kay to say.

Terrible!

Ah, stop it.
She was only jokin'.

Ah, there's jokin' and jokin',

but that's the dirtiest,
foulest thing to...

daddy!

There seems to be only
one person in this house

takin' this thing
seriously and that's me.

Excuse me. I'm the one
that's pregnant.

You're gettin' snotty now
because of your hormones.

I'll talk to you later.

There's nothin' wrong
with my hormones.

I didn't say there was
anything wrong with 'em.

There's nothin' wrong
with 'em as such.

"Wrong" is the wrong word.

Imbalance is the term I'd use.

The result is snottiness
and depression.

Thank you, professor curley.

When your mummy was...

Times have changed.
Do you know that?

When your mummy was havin'
craig, I was in work.

When she was havin' you,
I was at me mother's.

When she had sonny,
I was in work as well.

Iisa... don't know
where I was.

For darren, I was
in the pub with the lads.

You have a great memory.

Nowadays, the husbands are
there with the wives, you know?

I think that's much better.

You know, 'cause they're able to...

hold their hands and help them

and encourage them and see
their child being born.

Sharon, I'd...

Now, this is only if you want.

I wouldn't mind staying with ya
when you're havin' him.

Ah, no.

Ok.

You'll take it easy,
sharon, now won't you?

Yeah, daddy.

Whoo!

I'm pissed.

So am i.

Oh, I shouldn't be doin' this.

What?

Drinkin'! Ha ha ha!

Don't be thick, sharon.

You need to get pissed
now and again.

There's no harm in it.

I'm gonna be sick.

Oh, Jesus. Come on.

no, I won't make it!

It'll hold.

I'll bring it out in
a minute and empty it.

Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!

I'm goin' home.

Jesus.
Is it startin'?

Yeah. No.
I just think...

I want to go home.

Come on.

Get out of me way,
you dopey gee-bag.

Come on, sharon.

♪ Stop calling me

Excuse me.

♪ Stop forcing me

we're comin' through!

♪ It's my life

Jesus, sorry.
It'll wash off!

Here!
Come back here, you!

He saw me, the prick.
The next one.

Yeah.

Here! Here!
Look at...

I'm wringing, look it!

Get your own bleedin' taxi, you.

Is anything happening yet?

No. I'm sorry,
jackie.

Ah, feck off, will ya?

Hey! Taxi!

Oh, finally.

Sorry.
Shut up. Hang on.

Have you the money
to pay for this?

Oh, Jesus! Oh, fuck.

Shite!

Come on, darren!

Stupid bleedin' thing.

Come on!
7 seconds down, lads!

7 seconds! 9 seconds
down, lads. Come on!

9 seconds! Come on,
give it a push!

One last go!

Come on, come on, paddy last!

Give it a lash!

Poor little bastard.

He'll saw the bollocks
off himself.

Hey, burgess! Burgess!

You know what I'd like
to do with these,

don't you, burgess?
Heh?

Snip snip.

Da, da! Sharon thinks
she's havin' the baby.

She told me to tell you

that her contraptions
have started.

Oh, Jesus.
Red alert! Red alert!

Come on, move it, will yous?

Get down the stairs, will
ya? Let's make a bit of room!

Lisa!

Is she gonna have a baby?

You get out of here, you gobshite.

Make room there!

Iisa, go up and get
her bag for her, will ya?

Oh, and my toothbrush, lisa.

Mind the step now,
sharon. There you go.

The old hedge did need
a cuttin', didn't it? What?

Whoo-hoo. So far,
so good, huh?

Da, can I come with yous?

No, you can't.

Just relax. You're
in good hands, huh?

Ha ha ha!
There you go now.

Get in there now.
Mind your head.

Do you want to take
a few sandwiches?

Sandwiches?

It's a hospital we're goin' to,

not the pine forest.

Give it to her over that side.

Go on. Over there.

Does it really hurt you,
sharon? Does it?

Go away, you!

You're dead.

Bye-bye, love.

Everything'll
be all right.

Wait and see.

Right.

Give us a ring as soon
as you've any news, will ya?

I'll think about it.

♪ rollin',
rollin', rollin' ♪

♪ keep them
doggies rollin' ♪

♪ keep them doggies
rollin', rawhide ♪

dad.

Yes, love.

Shut up.

Ok.

Turn green, you bastards!

Can't expect them all
to be green, I suppose, what?

Good girl. It's only
the old cervix dilating.

It could happen to a bishop.

Here, look, sharon.
You take this.

You can time the contractions.

That way we'll be able to tell
'em when we get there. What?

They'll be impressed
with that. Green!

Oh, my god. Sit back.

Take deep breaths. Good girl.

Good deep breaths. That's what I always do.

What? Ha ha ha!

We're nearly there,
nearly there.

♪ Is this the way
to amarillo? ♪

♪ I've been weeping
like a willow ♪

daddy.

Oh, sorry.

Get out of me way, you dozy bollix!

Look at the head on him, what?

Up for the day, I tell ya.

Here we are. We're there!

Jesus.

Come on, love.
You'll be all right.

You all right?
I've got it.

I have it,
I have it. Go.

It's to speed up
the dilation, that's all.

When you see a drip
on the telly,

you know someone's
in big trouble,

but not here.

It can make your fanny relax.

Ha ha ha!

Is this your first?

Yeah. Oh, no, no.

It's, uh, it's
me first grandchild.

Is it your first?

No, me third.

Have you read this?

How long more?

Not too long now, love.

We're nearly there.

I can see the
baby's head, sharon.

Is it big?

Ha ha ha!

Don't push,
love. It's too early.

Don't push. Breathe.

Can you feel that?

What?

Bingo. Hmm.

Thunderbirds are go.

You come out!

Good.

Right,
sharon, once more.

Push! Push!

That's it!
Good! Push.

You're doin'
great. Push!

What stopped beeping?

Get dr. Cook.

I don't know, kay.
I don't know.

They won't tell me.
The nurses.

Oh, Jesus, kay.
She went in there ages ago,

and some of the other ones
that went in after her...

huh? Yeah, right.
Yeah, right.

What? All right.

I'll get back to you
if I hear anything. See ya.

Oh.

Boy or a girl, sharon?

I don't care.
Don't mind. Just safe.

Will there be marks on his head?

Only for a few days.

Fiver says it's a girl.

Just one big push, sharon.

Good girl. Push!

That's it.

Look, sharon.

Ha ha ha!

Yahoo!

Oleé!

Ah, keep it for your wife, what?

Whoa!

7 pounds, 12 ounces.

7 pounds, 12 ounces.

12!

Yeah. 2 arms, 2 legs,
and a head. Right.

Ha ha ha! I'm not
being sarcastic, love.

No, I'm too bleedin' happy.

All right.
See you later. Bye.

Good man.

7 pounds, 12 ounces.
Huh?

Is that a turkey or a baby?

It's a baby.

That's a good-sized baby.

Yeah, it is good,
isn't it? Huh?

Small turkey, though.

♪ 7 pounds,
12 ounces ♪

♪ 7 pounds, 12 ounces

♪ la la la la

♪ la la la la

♪ 7 pounds, 12 ounces

♪ 7 pounds, 12 ounces

♪ la la la la

♪ la la la la

She's a great little
sucker, isn't she?

So just rub her gently
on the back like that.

And give her the odd pat.

That should bring the wind...

Oh, god.

What's wrong
with you, love?

Jesus, love, are you cryin'?

No. Laughin'.

I'm after namin' her georgina.

Ha ha ha!

Hey! Slow down.
You hear me?

Come on.

Which room?

Here. In there.
This is it.

Here, on the left.
Here.

Oh, Jesus.

♪ Wise men say

♪ only fools rush in

♪ but I can't help

♪ falling in love
with you ♪

♪ shall I stay?

♪ Would it be a sin

♪ if I can't help

♪ falling in love
with you? ♪

♪ Like a river flows

♪ surely to the sea

♪ darling, so it goes

♪ some things
were meant to be ♪

♪ take my hand

♪ take my whole life, too

♪ 'cause I can't help

♪ falling in love
with you ♪

♪ wise men say

♪ only fools rush in

♪ but I can't help

♪ falling in love
with you ♪

♪ shall I stay?

♪ Would it be a sin

♪ if I can't help

♪ falling in love
with you? ♪

♪ If I can't help

♪ falling in love
with you? ♪