Scorpion (2014–2018): Season 4, Episode 12 - A Christmas Car-Roll - full transcript
Walter takes a fall and is knocked out, his unconscious mind dreams of a world where Team Scorpion never existed.
Previously on Scorpion...
We need to bail ourselves out
of a half million dollar debt.
I'll submit to the board
after school.
Speaking of which,
I've never had a tardy before.
- And I'm not starting now.
- And you're not starting now.
- Hey, Patty.
- Yup.
Really don't like
this development.
My name is Florence Tipton.
I'm your new neighbor.
I just set up my lab
in the adjoining warehouse,
and I cannot function
with all this distraction.
I'm still not sure about her.
I'm gonna give her a chance,
and I think you should, too.
I rule that the defendant
is not guilty as
a matter of law.
Mr. Gallo, you are free to go.
Stack the canisters
under the pallet.
There is a shot at survival
if we submerge her
in ballistic gel.
You helped keep my team
together, so thank you.
You're welcome.
Hey, boss, bend your ear
for a sec? No. Busy.
You are a menace. What?
Okay, it's Christmas Eve, and I
haven't gotten Toby a gift yet.
First married Christmas,
so it's got to be good.
You've known him longer,
and I suck at gifts,
so, advice.
Scented candle.
They're affordable and
longlasting, and it's proven
the pleasant
olfactory stimulation
enhances brain function.
You're welcome.
Scented candle? Seriously?
You use Cabe's Kings mug,
and he will kill you.
Seeing that I just
saved your life,
you owe me one good
present idea.
Almost ready to go?
Sure am, boss.
Thanks.
I can't release it like this.
Of course you can,
so stop stressing.
- It's defective.
- To you.
No one else will notice.
Notice what?
The antibullying video game
I'm making
for West Altadenia schools.
The rendering code has a bug.
I could actually really use
your help figuring this out.
The deadline is today.
I've never had a tardy.
And besides, who would
even notice the glitch?
I would.
There is a visual glitch
that skips 1/1000 of a frame.
Which no human eye can detect.
Video games? Kids need books,
not more screen time.
Seriously, Sylvester,
when are you gonna put
your childhood away?
It's almost time to leave.
O'Brien, penny
for your thoughts.
How about a dime
to leave me alone?
Right after you riddle me this.
See, you've known Happy longer
than I have, so I'm wondering...
Scented candle. Now pack up.
We're leaving soon, and...
I already packed.
Paige,
this is a quick job, so this
bag's a little bit excessive.
In fact, everyone
is overpacking.
Walter, I hate to break it
to you, but no one is packing
for the job.
I don't understand. Why not?
Because it's Christmas Eve.
We all made other plans.
I wrote an email confirmation
to the whole team
specifically for this job.
And how many responses
did you get?
I thought that no news
was good news.
Wrong. No news is goodbye.
We're not doing
a corporate gig
on Christmas Eve.
We just got Cabe's
bail money back,
so we're basically back to
zero on the balance sheet.
We have to refill Scorpion's coffers.
And I thought I could lure you away.
I got a cabin in Big Bear.
I was gonna surprise you,
but as soon as we came in,
all you could talk about
was being ready
for the serverupdate job.
It's because I'm looking out
for our financial interests.
We're getting paid double time.
Dude, it's Christmas Eve.
Did my email not mention
a postjob team meal?
That's festive.
And I quote, “We'll work
for a few hours,
then grab a bite at Kovelsky's
at the end of the night.”
That's sad, not festive.
This is a Christmas mutiny.
Forgive me and Toby if we want
to finally have our honeymoon.
City of West
Altadenia is throwing
a holiday fair... toy drive,
games for the kids.
There's gonna be a meal service
from the food pantry
for families less fortunate.
Arranged it all myself.
Young person, why are you
always here, monopolizing
my employees' time?
Actually, he doesn't mind
you being in the garage.
Actually, I do. You're like
a Canadian penny
I can't seem to get rid of.
Hey, Patty's my intern.
Not a problem. Next
legislative session,
Alderman Dodd and I will conduct
our business at City Hall.
Anyway, I got to head home
for Christmas Eve
dinner with my family.
I've never had a tardy and...
And you're not starting now.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
Even you, Grinch. Excuse me?
Green creature?
I'm not a Grinch.
Copy that, Scrooge.
Are you kidding me, Walter?
I want her spending
more time here,
not less.
I guess that's our cue, too.
So, that's it?
You're all leaving me
to do the work on my own?
There's plenty of time
for corporate gigs
in the new year, boss.
We could have all
had a good time today.
Yeah, sure. We don't need
to spend every minute
together, people.
You know what?
I'll do the job myself.
I don't need your
help. I don't need
any of you.
Walt, I don't want
to curse at you at Christmas,
so we're all just gonna go.
Ralph, go put our stuff
in the car, okay?
Walter,
I know you're worried
about Scorpion,
but the company
is gonna pull through.
And everyone needs
time off now and then.
So, if you're asking,
I don't think you're on
the right side of this one.
But I respect your right
to make this decision,
so I'm just gonna text
you the cabin's address
in case you want to drive up,
spend Christmas together.
I just have
so many proposals to get
through, butbut how about
you and Ralph stay here?
And then I can power
through the paperwork,
and by late afternoon, we can
enjoy some yuletide cheer?
We spend 364 days a year
here in this garage.
I'm not gonna have Ralph
spend Christmas here, too.
So we're gonna go.
I hope you reconsider.
Love you.
Reciprocated.
Well, Allie's with her
family in Denver.
Looks like it's
you and me and a knish
from Kovelsky's.
A sixhour job just
doubled because
I'm doing it by myself,
so Kovelsky's is off the table.
Well, I can help
speed things along.
It's a server upgrade.
An insurance company, so,
your skills don't really apply.
Okay. Well...
Have a nice Christmas.
You, too.
Love to see how
you'd all fare on your own.
I don't need them.
I'm gonna have a kickass
Christmas all by myself.
Year! Ooh!
This is curious.
Where's everyone else's desks?
Odd.
Hello?
Paige?
I feel weird.
My God!
Honey, you startled me.
Did you say something?
I didn't hear you
over the music.
Looks like somebody fell asleep
at their desk again.
Hi.
We're married?
Yes. Last time I checked.
You could use some coffee.
Think I'm hallucinating.
Here.
No, not Cabe's mug.
He'll kill me.
Who's Cabe?
Okay, just what is going on?
What's going on is
that you clearly didn't get
enough sleep last night.
Come on, grab your gear.
We got to get to campus.
It's going to be
totally deserted.
Today will be
our most productive day
of the entire year.
Can you do me a favor
and grab the paper
for me, please?
Merry Christmas.
We stopped that.
Strange.
Hello?
Feliz Navidad, amigo!
Ray? Hey.
What are you doing here?
Hell if I know.
You imagined me.
But my guess is, it's got
something to do with that.
Help! Help!
Help! I'm hurt!
Hello?
Help!
I'm stuck in here!
You okay, muchacho?
Boy.
That's weird.
Ray, what the hell is going on?
Listen, you need
to focus, friend.
Now we both know you took a
half gainer down the stairs.
You're on the garage floor,
unconscious, bleeding out.
Someone help me, please.
- What am I supposed to do about him?
- Well, my guess is,
Extra Walter in there
is a manifestation
of your reallife physical state.
- So if I save him, I save myself?
- No, no, no.
Saving him is you
fighting to stay alive.
And I think you may
have some help.
- Listen.
- Cabe?
You have to stop the others
from leaving, and you have to
get back to the garage. I just
came in to give him my present,
and I found him
bleeding on the ground.
I did call 911,
and they said ten minutes,
but I am telling you,
he does not have ten minutes!
I know what's happening.
Yep. A neurological study...
of postmortem rats
showed brain activity
up to 30 seconds after death.
Low gamma waves actually spiked,
creating a heightened
state of consciousness
before permanent
unconsciousness.
So if I am at heightened
unconsciousness,
I can use it to my advantage,
force myself to wake up,
and then get help. Sure thing,
Cool Breeze... go for it. Okay.
Yeah. Didn't seem to
have worked, did it?
I'm doing worse in there.
Which means
you're doing worse
in the real world.
But you better
think of something,
'cause if Car Walter
goes down...
this is a dream you
don't wake up from.
Ray, I need your help.
No can do.
I'm merely the tour
guide on this ride.
I don't know what to do.
Hello, Angelinos.
This is your LAPD chief,
Cabe Gallo,
reminding you our toy drive
is still going strong,
accepting donations to spread
joy this holiday season.
Since when is Cabe
the police chief?
Listen... this whole
world was created
by your axons, your
neurons misfiring
while your body shuts down.
And they're gonna get real wonky
as your condition worsens.
Easiest way to put it:
Things change around here.
Okay, I just got to calm down
and figure this out.
On your own?
While you're bleeding
to death. Walter...
you can't do this on your own.
You're right.
I'm gonna go find Cabe.
Flo, Flo, get out of the way!
- Happy, can you grab my med bag?
- He's breathing really fast.
Yeah. That's low and shallow.
Looks like he sliced
his superficial temporal artery.
He lost a lot of blood.
Can you get another towel?
This one's soaked.
Med bag.
Happy, keep the pressure on.
What are you doing?
Glasgow Coma Scale.
No, I don't think he's
responding to our voices.
Walter! Walt!
Open your eyes!
There's nothing.
I'm pressing his
nail bed with a pen.
Well, he's reflexive to pain,
but he's unresponsive...
That's a six out of 15.
- Bad?
- Three is the lowest possible score.
He's got a blown pupil.
What does a blown pupil mean?
It means there's bleeding
between his skull and his brain.
Ilt's pushing the brain through
the opening at the skull's base.
He's dead if that pressure
isn't relieved immediately.
Well, then grab something
from your med bag and fix it!
There's nothing in my
med bag that can fix this!
But there is something
in Happy's toolbox.
Excuse me? Excuse me?
I need to speak
with Cabe Gallo immediately!
Hey, keep it down!
Patty? What are you doing here?
It's Sergeant Logan,
and I work here.
We need to speak with Cabe now.
A few things.
One, you seem to have
a problem with titles.
It's Chief of Police Cabe Gallo.
Two, he doesn't take walkins.
He rarely talks to the people
who actually work here.
And three, who's “we”?
Totally forgot.
You're the only one
who can see me.
I'm sorry.
It's just me. Alone.
Are you sure you
don't recognize me?
Negative. But if you're
as crazy as you seem to be,
I'm sure I'll get an APB
any minute now
about some loony escaped
from the bin.
She is as salty as the Dead Sea.
Which, by the way, has an
average salinity rating of 34%.
- What are you doing?
- Hey, you're the one making me jabber
this gibberish.
Now, are you gonna take charge
of the situation, or you gonna
get shut down by a teen tyrant?
Cabe? Cabe Gallo!
Cabe Gallo!
I will stun you, sir.
Cabe Gallo!
Chief Gallo!
What the hell
is going on out here?
Cabe, you got to listen to me.
And who the hell are you?
My name is Walter O'Brien.
I run a team of geniuses
tackling worldwide threats
that only we can solve.
No, no, no... here,
you're a professor at USC,
married to your wife Florence.
I don't work
at USC, and I'm
not married to Florence.
Good for you.
I don't work at Six Flags,
and I'm not married to Big Bird.
Now, you got one minute
to get out of here,
before you're cuffed
for disturbing the peace.
Told you he doesn't like
talking to people.
I...
Listen, I'm sorry to
bother you, but there was
an accident, a guy's
trapped, and he could die.
So call 911, get traffic
control over there.
No go... it's Christmas Eve.
We're shortstaffed.
Most of my people
are home with their family.
And maybe you ought
to be, too, son.
You might not know my rep,
but I don't suffer fools.
Now, clear out
of my station house.
This is not hard...
Just get a rescue team,
get the Jaws of Life...
This is what you're good at,
for God's sakes!
Actually, it's not.
It's not my skill set.
I know why you said that...
Because I...
Because some thoughtless fool
said that to you once.
But it isn't true... because...
you have
an incredible skill set,
honed with experience
and knowledge
andand value, and that's
why I came here to you now.
Because if my life is
on the line, which it is,
then I need Cabe Gallo
on the case.
Still ready with
the Taser, Chief.
At ease, Sergeant.
What are we dealing with?
A driver's leg is pinned
by the console.
His vehicle is jammed between
a car and a oneton truck.
We're gonna need
an auto specialist.
I know the world's best
mechanic, Happy Quinn.
You mean the host
of The Happy Mechanic podcast?
Podcast? No.
She works for...
Yes. That's her.
That's who I mean.
Well, if you get her
to lend a hand, I'm in.
She broadcasts
from a garage downtown.
Saddle up.
I'll drive.
This '67.
Mustang Shelby GT...
They call it the Eleanor...
Has a 351 engine
with 435 horsepower
and tops out
at 150 miles per hour.
And if you are looking
for a place to open up
some sweet rides,
look no further
than this week's sponsor,
the San Dimas Raceway.
For $199, you get
one hour of track time
for your favorite gearhead.
What the hell?
Cut!
That girl's everywhere.
Like sriracha.
You just ruined our recording.
I'm sorry, is there
a problem here, Officer?
This guy thinks there is.
I think he's a few quills short
of a porcupine, if you ask me.
Hi. My name is Walter.
There was a car accident.
We are looking
for the world's best engineer...
That's you.
I'd love to help, but I'm busy
recording my Christmas episode.
Biggest ad revenues of the year.
We have coffers to fill.
Happy, I know that you
think you don't know me,
but in another world,
we're really good friends.
Actually, we were married once.
Not like that.
It was for citizenship.
Never got physical.
Couldn't close the deal?
Goodbye, Crazy Walter.
Now, since you
let yourselves in,
you can let yourselves out.
Happy, hold on a second.
Please, just hold...
one second... No, you hold on.
I have built this show
from the ground up,
on my own, by myself,
with no one's help.
And you are screwing it up.
Now, don't let the door
hit you in the ass.
All right, you walk
out of here without her,
the coroners walk
out of your garage
in just a few minutes. Okay,
let's pick it up
from the Tobias Curtis ad.
You know what, I'm not leaving.
I would call the cops,
but they're already here,
doing nothing.
Happy, you take pride in
doing things on your own,
by yourself,
without anybody's help.
But... I know you.
At night, you slow
down your work
so that you're still
here when Patty leaves
so that you can talk to someone
while you walk to your car.
- Do you do that, boss?
- Shut up.
How do you know that?
Because when you started
working with me,
I saw you working slowly.
I critiqued you.
And you were scared
of losing your job,
so it forced you to
tell me the truth.
You hate being alone.
Period.
I've never worked with you,
but...
why do I still feel
like you're telling the truth?
Because we're friends.
I'd never lie to you.
Now, I know that you've
spent your whole life
trying to be the lone wolf.
But in spite of,
your successful show
and these fancy cars
and everything, you want
a family more than anything,
because that's something
that you never had.
And this guy, the guy you're
about to read the ad for,
Tobias Curtis, he is
the love of your life.
You just don't know it yet.
Andand II can bring
you two together.
I already have.
I've introduced
you before, actually.
You married him because of me.
I thought you said
she was married to you.
He looks like a jackass.
There is something about him.
Okay, I'm in.
Okay. Great. I'll set it up.
You have to come with us first.
Whoa, whoa. You're okay.
That's just reality creeping in.
Keep going.
It'll relieve
the pressure on his brain.
Okay, okay.
Paige says she's on her way.
I think I'm gonna be sick.
Is this uncomfortable for you?
'Cause I'm the one
who's drilling an 1/8inch bit
into my boss's skull.
Just a little bit further.
What is that smell?
Microparticles
from Walter's skull.
I came as soon as I heard.
What's going...
This isn't the way I left it.
Told ya. Things
change around here.
The truck was
right beside the car.
And the other vehicle's missing.
That ain't how physics works.
And you should know,
being a physics professor.
I'm not a physics professor.
All right, all right.
He likes to shout out
things he isn't.
He also isn't married to someone
named Florence.
The frame won't support
the weight
of this truck much longer.
This jalopy's gonna be
a pancake in minutes.
Is that your twin or something?
Would you believe me
if I said it was me?
No.
Okay, make that seconds.
From an engineering standpoint,
that is a very negative sound.
This guy needs to be extracted,
or he's gonna be squashed
like a bug.
Please! Please help me!
Don't say that
in front of this guy!
I'm being blunt.
It's part of my charm.
Just focus on the task at hand.
All right, stand back.
I'm gonna blow this window,
and we'll pull him free.
Okay, the car's integrity
will be compromised,
and it'll all come down
in a heap.
She's right.
It's a house of cards.
And that house is collapsing.
Okay, to buttress
a failing structure,
we need stilts, a crutch.
How 'bout those?
Film canisters.
We used 'em once to prop up
an eroding nuke
with Paige's mother.
I don't know Paige,
I don't know her mother,
and I don't know why
I'm listening to a madman.
Walt,
that didn't happen
in this world.
You just sound crazy.
Placement is key.
Follow my direction.
Okay, here, here,
and there.
No creaking.
- Well, less creaking.
- A light breeze
could blow it over.
It's too precarious
for a twoton truck.
Twoton? It's a oneton truck.
Guess again, man. Cargo.
There is no cargo.
Cinder blocks?
What the hell?
If you say
things change around here,
I'm gonna knock you out.
That means
our calculations are off.
We are back to square one on how
to pry open the driver's door
without shifting the load
and weakening the frame.
Well, run the numbers again.
In real time? To pull that off,
you'd have to be
a human calculator.
That's it.
We need Sylvester Dodd. Yeah.
Might as well
grab Zuckerberg and Elon Musk
while you're at it.
Sylvester Dodd is a great guy.
He asked me to assist
with some of his charity work
today. He'll help us out.
Do you know where to find him?
Everyone knows
where to find him.
You'll just
never get to see him.
Why?
I'm sorry,
Mr. Dodd is unavailable.
I can't deal with you
anymore today.
- She doesn't look familiar to you?
- Nope.
Please depart the premises,
or I'll have to call security.
Well, go for it.
Because we're not leaving
until we talk
to Sylvester.
I'm not leaving
till I get to level four.
Sir, I need you and your friend
to vacate the premises.
I know you.
You're Sly's wizard pal
who still lives with his mother.
One, you need to go now.
Two, who I live with
is my concern.
Let's go.
Sly's coding problem.
Games, they all have a glitch.
Let's go. Tell him...
tell him I can fix his glitches.
Sly! Sly?
That's enough. Keep moving.
I can fix your glitches!
Sly, I can fix your glitches!
- Yes, Mr. Dodd? Right away, sir.
- Sly! Sly, I can fix your glitches!
Stop!
Mr. Dodd will see them now.
Can I get you a bottle of water?
Look, the pad
has sweet indoor/outdoor flow,
but, bro.
We're only talking 6½ baths.
No, no, no, no, no, bro.
Nice digs.
No, no, no, no.
I'll spend $150 million,
not a penny more.
I can't believe it.
Sly's become a jackass.
Holler at me when it's done.
Sorry, bros.
Keep trying to buy
a sick new crib,
but they keep upping the price
since Criss Angel
used to own it.
Sylvester, we need your help.
Hold on.
Names, broseph?
Walter O'Brien.
There has been an accident.
We'll get to that.
What I want to know is...
why'd you say that all my games
have a glitch?
What's up with that?
He seems to know
a lot about me, too.
Are you The Happy Mechanic?
I listened to you
after I bought my Maybach.
Great. Another L.A. tool
driving a quartermillion
dollar car
down Sunset
at 20 miles per hour.
My chauffeur
doesn't seem to mind.
Sylvester, it doesn't matter
how I know about your glitch.
I know you.
You're a perfectionist,
so you wake up every morning
sick to your stomach
that you built this whole place
on the back of a mistake.
A mistake
that only you know about.
But for a man who loves numbers
because of the
certainty it gives
in an uncertain world,
a small error,
eeven one that causes
only the skip of
1/1,000 of a frame,
is a cause of shame.
You just rocked my world,
Broklahoma.
Now, this is a fix
for your code.
And let me tell you something.
Your refusal to let go
of the wonderment of childhood,
how you look at thethe
world with open eyes?
Your innocence
is your brilliance.
Anybody that tries to tell you
any different is dead wrong.
Holy smokes.
I could really use your help.
I'll give you anything you need.
Cabe, we're on our way.
Get the lead out, Mr. O'Brien.
This situation's going sideways.
These canisters
can't hold the truck anymore.
It's collapsing on the car.
The car is pitching
5/8 of an inch too far back.
Chief, get him
to engage the ebrake.
That'll move the car forward
a bit, buy us some time.
Kid!
You got to engage
the emergency brake.
It'll allow the car to move
forward an inch and a half.
I'm gonna die,
I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die.
Keep it together, kid.
It's not gonna happen.
I can't. I can't. My...
My heart, it's beating so fast.
His heart's beating too fast.
- Is it over?
- Yeah.
Fluid's exiting the hole,
pressure's going down.
His heart rate
should return to normal.
Sleeping Beauty's back with us.
Is he gonna be okay?
Not if his heart rate
doesn't go down.
I thought the point
of Swisscheesing his head
was to stabilize him.
Crap! The pressure
at his brain stem
isn't reducing fast enough.
Sly, keep track of his pulse.
Look, I'm gonna need you
to do some math
while I stimulate
his vagus nerve
to lower his cardiac rate.
That's way too fast. We need 80.
Um, how about now?
130. That's 37.5% of
the needed reduction.
You need to increase the
circular motion of your finger
by 266.67%. How do I do that?
Go faster, dummy.
Kid's breathing heavy.
He's having a panic attack.
I can't get him to calm down.
If I can't get him to calm down,
I can't get him to focus
to pull the emergency brake.
He's gonna die.
And then I die. Don't ask.
Okay, need to get
his heart rate down.
I know who can calm him down.
We need to get to Toby Curtis.
The selfhelp huckster?
He's a fraud.
From my understanding he's my
future husband, so take it easy.
Okay, Sly, talk
to the police chief.
He'll get you to the crash site.
Happy and I will go find Toby.
His ad said he's playing
at the San Dimas Civic Center.
I'll drive.
Great. The 10 should be clear
this time of day. The 10?
It got crushed
when that British satellite
hit it with a laser. Duh.
Satellite laser?
Scorpion prevented that.
Not here, you didn't.
Synergy.
Mobility.
Tranquility.
My father
was a gambler.
He was always broke.
But in between dodging bookies
and loan sharks,
he would take me
to the high school near us
in Coney Island.
There's no betting lines
on high school games.
Just a father and a son
watching baseball.
Okay, he's kind of cute. Shh.
Mr. Curtis is rehearsing.
Of course.
When they tore down
that high school,
I made sure
I got seats 23 and 24.
They were our seats.
That is my happy place,
but we don't always need
a physical reminder.
We all have the power to create
- our happy places in our minds.
- I get it.
The chairs are a metaphor
for baseball.
I'm sorry, you all need to go.
We need to talk to Dr. Curtis.
Absolutely not.
Excusezmoi.
Why are you interrupting
my rehearsal?
Because we need
the world's smartest behaviorist
to save a life.
First off,
your assessment of me?
Absolutely correct. Second...
I save lives every day
with my wisdom.
But that wisdom costs a ticket.
I don't see you holding one.
Hey, putz.
We've got a guy in a
car wreck who's dead
if you don't calm him down.
Wow, you're beautiful.
What is your name?
Happy.
But she's not just Happy.
She's your happy place.
Something that you're in...
you're in desperate need of.
Are you kidding me, pal?
Look, I got millions
in the bank,
five best sellers,
and my own plane.
So... Yeah, yeah.
You finally got the world
to see how brilliant
the Harvardtrained
psychiatrist is,
but, deep down,
you're miserable.
No, I'm not. II got my chairs.
Yeah, yeah. Two chairs.
Only one butt.
But here...
here is your seat filler.
I'd really like
to go to dinner with you
if possible.
I'd grab a meal with you.
If you want to spend
the rest of your life
sitting next to
her, then please,
Toby.
Please help us.
I'll help.
I'm gonna talk
to the guy in the car,
you guys figure out how to undo
this jigsaw puzzle.
I was thinking of some ideas
on the way here.
Everyone listen up.
As long as your idea
is to shift the passenger door
open to a 45 degree angle,
then I'm all ears.
Will you let me talk before you
start throwing out theories?
Which are wrong, by the way.
Anything more than 41 degrees,
and we have a human pancake.
Hey, how about we avoid
“human pancake” while I'm trying
to calm the accident victim.
That's what I said
to her earlier.
It's part of my charm.
Are you sure this
is my happy place?
Guys, can we please
work together?
Please, help me, help me!
Please, help me!
You know, this guy
looks just like you.
Who the hell is in charge here?
I am. Now, if you would please
just let me do my thing...
No. I'm in charge. Now, Toby,
can you calm him down? Sly,
make the calculations,
and Happy, effectuate a solution
using Sly's conclusions.
Who made you the boss,
Barack Bro'bama?
I made me boss.
I am your boss.
I've been boss.
Now please, just listen to me.
Whatever. Open the door
at the angle that I say.
45 degrees.
41, or I'll cram those stupid
glasses up your gaming console.
You know, when they get like
this, there's only one person
who can get them
to work together.
You're right. I need Paige.
All right, well, this is no
Kovelsky's, but it's all right.
Is that where you were
planning on taking me?
A greasy spoon?
Don't sweat it, pork pie.
We'll make it work.
Yeah, something
tells me we will.
Get a room.
Order up.
Excuse me.
Hi... here we go.
Hi, Patty.
Patricia, actually.
Go by “Trish.”
Trish. Okay, listen,
I need information. There's
a waitress here, Paige Dineen.
When's her shift start?
Waitress? She owns the place.
Mr. Elia.
You're here.
Wish I wasn't.
This thing's ancient.
Do I know you?
I set your router up in Pacoima?
No. But we've
discussed at length
your idea for a hybrid
solidstate drive
incorporating
crystal laser optics.
Crystal laser optics.
That could work.
I'll jot some notes down
on that.
Tell Paige I had to run.
Of course.
Hey, where's the tech guy going?
He hasn't finished.
Paige? Can I help you?
Yeah. In fact,
you're the only one who can.
Ralph, no mess, please.
Hey, buddy.
How are you...?
Um, excuse me.
Do you know my son?
Listen, I could waste
my time telling you about how,
in another life, I know him,
and I know you, and that
you've helped me out more than
anybody in the world, but...
you wouldn't believe it, so
saying so would be inefficient.
But all I can tell you
is that my team
and I, we need your help,
and we know
that you'll come through
because of your heart,
and your kindness,
and your decency.
I know it sounds cray.
Ralph.
Get Fernando from the kitchen,
tell him to bring the big knife.
No, no, no, no, no.
We don't need Fernando
and his big knife,
we're not insane.
We just need you.
Look, pal, I didn't get to own
a chain of restaurants
by listening to every goofball
who propositions me.
So get out of here
before I call the cops.
The real cops.
Okay, okay.
You can toss me out, but...
you'll be hurting your son.
Because I know
how every night, you pray
that he'll find someone
that's like him,
someone who can
mentor his gifts,
someone who'll make him feel
like he belongs.
I am that person.
So please, before you ask me
how I know, can I...
can I prove to you
that I'm not nuts?
Hey, buddy.
Checkmate.
See, he's not making a mess.
He's just waiting for someone
who understands him
to play with.
What kind of help do you need?
I got LAPD to block the roads
from here to County...
He'll get to
the hospital in half the time.
Dear Lord.
Not good, Cabe.
Really, really not good.
Okay, get him to edge his car
a little bit further.
Toby, talk him through
releasing the parking brake.
Wow. Back five seconds,
you're already
just bossing me around?
That crap again?
Let's get the job done.
I already did my job.
I did the calculations.
I should be snowboarding by now.
These guys are animals.
That's why I need you.
When you told Ralph to stop
making a mess, he listened
to you instantly. You know
how to control genius minds.
That's your gift, and
there's someone in that car
- who I cannot let die.
- Stick with me.
You're gonna be fine.
Just take a deep breath.
There you go.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Please. We need to save him.
Okay, dorks, listen up.
You want to have a
brainmeasuring contest,
now is not the time.
Each of you has abilities
the others don't have,
so you all get to
be the best, but only
if you save this guy.
He dies, then you are
just as useless
as any other 100IQ
human out there.
You gonna let that happen?
You gonna be ordinary?
No way. Hell no.
I don't know how to
spell “ordinary”
I mean, I mean, I do...
It's not a hard word, I just...
Get to work. Yeah.
Hey, can you do me a favor?
Just pull on that parking
brake. Can you do that?
You're masterful.
There you go, buddy, there you go.
Thank you.
My God, Walter!
Why isn't the ambulance
here yet?
Because we live in L.A.
It's been 12 minutes,
they'll be here any second.
Damn. It's a pulmonary edema.
His erratic breathing is causing
his lungs to fill with fluid.
This is a problem.
Guys, we got a problem.
What is that stuff?
Help, it's filling the car!
It wasn't there a second ago,
and now the car's halffilled.
What the hell's going on, pal?
Things change around here.
Listen, whatever I say,
you're thinking.
Just to be safe, you are pretty
close to suffocating in there.
You better do something. Fast.
Can't we just smash the windows
and let it all pour out?
Any dramatic shift in weight,
and the truck
crushes him to death.
I know what
that purple stuff is...
It's homemade ballistic gel.
My girlfriend and I,
at the time,
were trapped in a box of it.
Kinky.
How'd you get out?
Blew ourselves up.
We need to blow up the car.
Won't that kill you? Um, him?
Whatever. The nonNewtonian fluid
will shield him from impact
while the frame of the car
gets blown out. Plus, I...
I trust you guys.
I need you guys.
Explosion's too big,
the doppelganger you
gets blown to bits.
It's too small, he drowns.
So we need perfect calculations.
I'm on it.
Where do we find a bomb, nutjob?
You're gonna make it.
Siphon some gas from our car
and then grab a jar
and some wires from,
from that Dumpster over there.
And then build a timer
from a watch.
Done and done.
Well, we got one hiccup.
For this to work,
we need his head
submerged in the gel
to absorb the blast.
He's already a nervous wreck.
You can talk him through it.
Copy that.
Hey, pal.
You're gonna have to trust us.
Let that stuff overtake you
and then just hold your
breath for a few seconds.
No, no, no, I can't. I can't.
Like hell you can't 'cause you
want to get out of there, right?
You want to get out of
there so you can get home
and mingle with Kris Kringle.
You and your family
and friends...
Spending Christmas
with loved ones,
that's all that matters, right?
That's right. That's right.
Bomb's done, ready to rumble.
Okay, hit it, hit it.
Ten seconds!
Ray!
Get out of there!
I'm not real, man. Don't injure.
Move your ass!
Three... two...
one!
Thought you were a
mechanical genius?
Don't worry,
this happens on every
adventure we have.
Crap, it's still happening.
It's not the hello
I was looking for.
Guys, guys, he's awake!
Hey.
How do you feel?
My head hurts.
Makes sense, you did take
a half gainer down the stairs.
And a drill bit into your skull.
Yeah, but you
still got through it.
Way to be tough.
You guys can see him?
How can you miss him
with that shirt?
I'm so confused.
When the ambulance pulled up,
Ray was hanging out
in the alley.
He didn't have
anywhere to stay for Christmas.
I had a lot of options.
Garage was just
the only one that had food.
I was alone when I fell.
Flo came in to give you
some peppermint bark, she found
you, called 911 and then us.
She saved your life.
I had the strangest dream.
You all helped save me.
Scorpion to the rescue
- again?
- No.
No, we weren't Scorpion.
Cabe was chief of police
at the LAPD.
Sweet.
And Happy hosted aa podcast
on rare sports cars.
Nice.
And, Sly, youyou
were a video game mogul.
Toby, you were aa famous
motivational speaker.
And, Paige, youyou,
owned aa restaurant empire.
I'm so sorry I told you all
that I didn't,
I didn't need you.
Well, the truth is,
my subconscious knows that
the opposite is true.
You'd...
you'd do better without me.
Answer this, 197.
Did we all know each other
in your dream?
Happy was lonely;
You were hanging onto an
old memory for happiness,
and, Sly, you were,
you were living in shame.
By the way, I have
thethe fix for your game.
And, Cabe, you were
grumpy and you didn't have
any friends at work.
But you said that
we all saved your life.
Deep down, your psyche knows
that we're better together.
You know that you need us,
but you also know
that we need each other,
that we need you, Walter.
We were successful in your dream
because you think highly of us.
Hey, the food's here.
Give me a hand.
Toby, come here.
Get her a day
at the San Dimas Raceway.
That's brilliant.
Happy.
Get him two baseball seats from
his high school in Coney Island.
Yes.
Crazy dream?
Anything else happen in it?
Hey, hi.
Is the patient able
to see one more visitor?
There she is.
The gal of the hour.
All right!
I got a new tin
of peppermint bark
'cause I dropped mine when
I was, um, when I was startled.
Hello, Walter.
Hi.
Hello, Florence.
Thank you.
So, tell me more
about this dream.
There's nothing to tell.
The best part was
getting to meet you...
for the very first time
all over again.
Merry Christmas, Paige.
Merry Christmas.
We need to bail ourselves out
of a half million dollar debt.
I'll submit to the board
after school.
Speaking of which,
I've never had a tardy before.
- And I'm not starting now.
- And you're not starting now.
- Hey, Patty.
- Yup.
Really don't like
this development.
My name is Florence Tipton.
I'm your new neighbor.
I just set up my lab
in the adjoining warehouse,
and I cannot function
with all this distraction.
I'm still not sure about her.
I'm gonna give her a chance,
and I think you should, too.
I rule that the defendant
is not guilty as
a matter of law.
Mr. Gallo, you are free to go.
Stack the canisters
under the pallet.
There is a shot at survival
if we submerge her
in ballistic gel.
You helped keep my team
together, so thank you.
You're welcome.
Hey, boss, bend your ear
for a sec? No. Busy.
You are a menace. What?
Okay, it's Christmas Eve, and I
haven't gotten Toby a gift yet.
First married Christmas,
so it's got to be good.
You've known him longer,
and I suck at gifts,
so, advice.
Scented candle.
They're affordable and
longlasting, and it's proven
the pleasant
olfactory stimulation
enhances brain function.
You're welcome.
Scented candle? Seriously?
You use Cabe's Kings mug,
and he will kill you.
Seeing that I just
saved your life,
you owe me one good
present idea.
Almost ready to go?
Sure am, boss.
Thanks.
I can't release it like this.
Of course you can,
so stop stressing.
- It's defective.
- To you.
No one else will notice.
Notice what?
The antibullying video game
I'm making
for West Altadenia schools.
The rendering code has a bug.
I could actually really use
your help figuring this out.
The deadline is today.
I've never had a tardy.
And besides, who would
even notice the glitch?
I would.
There is a visual glitch
that skips 1/1000 of a frame.
Which no human eye can detect.
Video games? Kids need books,
not more screen time.
Seriously, Sylvester,
when are you gonna put
your childhood away?
It's almost time to leave.
O'Brien, penny
for your thoughts.
How about a dime
to leave me alone?
Right after you riddle me this.
See, you've known Happy longer
than I have, so I'm wondering...
Scented candle. Now pack up.
We're leaving soon, and...
I already packed.
Paige,
this is a quick job, so this
bag's a little bit excessive.
In fact, everyone
is overpacking.
Walter, I hate to break it
to you, but no one is packing
for the job.
I don't understand. Why not?
Because it's Christmas Eve.
We all made other plans.
I wrote an email confirmation
to the whole team
specifically for this job.
And how many responses
did you get?
I thought that no news
was good news.
Wrong. No news is goodbye.
We're not doing
a corporate gig
on Christmas Eve.
We just got Cabe's
bail money back,
so we're basically back to
zero on the balance sheet.
We have to refill Scorpion's coffers.
And I thought I could lure you away.
I got a cabin in Big Bear.
I was gonna surprise you,
but as soon as we came in,
all you could talk about
was being ready
for the serverupdate job.
It's because I'm looking out
for our financial interests.
We're getting paid double time.
Dude, it's Christmas Eve.
Did my email not mention
a postjob team meal?
That's festive.
And I quote, “We'll work
for a few hours,
then grab a bite at Kovelsky's
at the end of the night.”
That's sad, not festive.
This is a Christmas mutiny.
Forgive me and Toby if we want
to finally have our honeymoon.
City of West
Altadenia is throwing
a holiday fair... toy drive,
games for the kids.
There's gonna be a meal service
from the food pantry
for families less fortunate.
Arranged it all myself.
Young person, why are you
always here, monopolizing
my employees' time?
Actually, he doesn't mind
you being in the garage.
Actually, I do. You're like
a Canadian penny
I can't seem to get rid of.
Hey, Patty's my intern.
Not a problem. Next
legislative session,
Alderman Dodd and I will conduct
our business at City Hall.
Anyway, I got to head home
for Christmas Eve
dinner with my family.
I've never had a tardy and...
And you're not starting now.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
Even you, Grinch. Excuse me?
Green creature?
I'm not a Grinch.
Copy that, Scrooge.
Are you kidding me, Walter?
I want her spending
more time here,
not less.
I guess that's our cue, too.
So, that's it?
You're all leaving me
to do the work on my own?
There's plenty of time
for corporate gigs
in the new year, boss.
We could have all
had a good time today.
Yeah, sure. We don't need
to spend every minute
together, people.
You know what?
I'll do the job myself.
I don't need your
help. I don't need
any of you.
Walt, I don't want
to curse at you at Christmas,
so we're all just gonna go.
Ralph, go put our stuff
in the car, okay?
Walter,
I know you're worried
about Scorpion,
but the company
is gonna pull through.
And everyone needs
time off now and then.
So, if you're asking,
I don't think you're on
the right side of this one.
But I respect your right
to make this decision,
so I'm just gonna text
you the cabin's address
in case you want to drive up,
spend Christmas together.
I just have
so many proposals to get
through, butbut how about
you and Ralph stay here?
And then I can power
through the paperwork,
and by late afternoon, we can
enjoy some yuletide cheer?
We spend 364 days a year
here in this garage.
I'm not gonna have Ralph
spend Christmas here, too.
So we're gonna go.
I hope you reconsider.
Love you.
Reciprocated.
Well, Allie's with her
family in Denver.
Looks like it's
you and me and a knish
from Kovelsky's.
A sixhour job just
doubled because
I'm doing it by myself,
so Kovelsky's is off the table.
Well, I can help
speed things along.
It's a server upgrade.
An insurance company, so,
your skills don't really apply.
Okay. Well...
Have a nice Christmas.
You, too.
Love to see how
you'd all fare on your own.
I don't need them.
I'm gonna have a kickass
Christmas all by myself.
Year! Ooh!
This is curious.
Where's everyone else's desks?
Odd.
Hello?
Paige?
I feel weird.
My God!
Honey, you startled me.
Did you say something?
I didn't hear you
over the music.
Looks like somebody fell asleep
at their desk again.
Hi.
We're married?
Yes. Last time I checked.
You could use some coffee.
Think I'm hallucinating.
Here.
No, not Cabe's mug.
He'll kill me.
Who's Cabe?
Okay, just what is going on?
What's going on is
that you clearly didn't get
enough sleep last night.
Come on, grab your gear.
We got to get to campus.
It's going to be
totally deserted.
Today will be
our most productive day
of the entire year.
Can you do me a favor
and grab the paper
for me, please?
Merry Christmas.
We stopped that.
Strange.
Hello?
Feliz Navidad, amigo!
Ray? Hey.
What are you doing here?
Hell if I know.
You imagined me.
But my guess is, it's got
something to do with that.
Help! Help!
Help! I'm hurt!
Hello?
Help!
I'm stuck in here!
You okay, muchacho?
Boy.
That's weird.
Ray, what the hell is going on?
Listen, you need
to focus, friend.
Now we both know you took a
half gainer down the stairs.
You're on the garage floor,
unconscious, bleeding out.
Someone help me, please.
- What am I supposed to do about him?
- Well, my guess is,
Extra Walter in there
is a manifestation
of your reallife physical state.
- So if I save him, I save myself?
- No, no, no.
Saving him is you
fighting to stay alive.
And I think you may
have some help.
- Listen.
- Cabe?
You have to stop the others
from leaving, and you have to
get back to the garage. I just
came in to give him my present,
and I found him
bleeding on the ground.
I did call 911,
and they said ten minutes,
but I am telling you,
he does not have ten minutes!
I know what's happening.
Yep. A neurological study...
of postmortem rats
showed brain activity
up to 30 seconds after death.
Low gamma waves actually spiked,
creating a heightened
state of consciousness
before permanent
unconsciousness.
So if I am at heightened
unconsciousness,
I can use it to my advantage,
force myself to wake up,
and then get help. Sure thing,
Cool Breeze... go for it. Okay.
Yeah. Didn't seem to
have worked, did it?
I'm doing worse in there.
Which means
you're doing worse
in the real world.
But you better
think of something,
'cause if Car Walter
goes down...
this is a dream you
don't wake up from.
Ray, I need your help.
No can do.
I'm merely the tour
guide on this ride.
I don't know what to do.
Hello, Angelinos.
This is your LAPD chief,
Cabe Gallo,
reminding you our toy drive
is still going strong,
accepting donations to spread
joy this holiday season.
Since when is Cabe
the police chief?
Listen... this whole
world was created
by your axons, your
neurons misfiring
while your body shuts down.
And they're gonna get real wonky
as your condition worsens.
Easiest way to put it:
Things change around here.
Okay, I just got to calm down
and figure this out.
On your own?
While you're bleeding
to death. Walter...
you can't do this on your own.
You're right.
I'm gonna go find Cabe.
Flo, Flo, get out of the way!
- Happy, can you grab my med bag?
- He's breathing really fast.
Yeah. That's low and shallow.
Looks like he sliced
his superficial temporal artery.
He lost a lot of blood.
Can you get another towel?
This one's soaked.
Med bag.
Happy, keep the pressure on.
What are you doing?
Glasgow Coma Scale.
No, I don't think he's
responding to our voices.
Walter! Walt!
Open your eyes!
There's nothing.
I'm pressing his
nail bed with a pen.
Well, he's reflexive to pain,
but he's unresponsive...
That's a six out of 15.
- Bad?
- Three is the lowest possible score.
He's got a blown pupil.
What does a blown pupil mean?
It means there's bleeding
between his skull and his brain.
Ilt's pushing the brain through
the opening at the skull's base.
He's dead if that pressure
isn't relieved immediately.
Well, then grab something
from your med bag and fix it!
There's nothing in my
med bag that can fix this!
But there is something
in Happy's toolbox.
Excuse me? Excuse me?
I need to speak
with Cabe Gallo immediately!
Hey, keep it down!
Patty? What are you doing here?
It's Sergeant Logan,
and I work here.
We need to speak with Cabe now.
A few things.
One, you seem to have
a problem with titles.
It's Chief of Police Cabe Gallo.
Two, he doesn't take walkins.
He rarely talks to the people
who actually work here.
And three, who's “we”?
Totally forgot.
You're the only one
who can see me.
I'm sorry.
It's just me. Alone.
Are you sure you
don't recognize me?
Negative. But if you're
as crazy as you seem to be,
I'm sure I'll get an APB
any minute now
about some loony escaped
from the bin.
She is as salty as the Dead Sea.
Which, by the way, has an
average salinity rating of 34%.
- What are you doing?
- Hey, you're the one making me jabber
this gibberish.
Now, are you gonna take charge
of the situation, or you gonna
get shut down by a teen tyrant?
Cabe? Cabe Gallo!
Cabe Gallo!
I will stun you, sir.
Cabe Gallo!
Chief Gallo!
What the hell
is going on out here?
Cabe, you got to listen to me.
And who the hell are you?
My name is Walter O'Brien.
I run a team of geniuses
tackling worldwide threats
that only we can solve.
No, no, no... here,
you're a professor at USC,
married to your wife Florence.
I don't work
at USC, and I'm
not married to Florence.
Good for you.
I don't work at Six Flags,
and I'm not married to Big Bird.
Now, you got one minute
to get out of here,
before you're cuffed
for disturbing the peace.
Told you he doesn't like
talking to people.
I...
Listen, I'm sorry to
bother you, but there was
an accident, a guy's
trapped, and he could die.
So call 911, get traffic
control over there.
No go... it's Christmas Eve.
We're shortstaffed.
Most of my people
are home with their family.
And maybe you ought
to be, too, son.
You might not know my rep,
but I don't suffer fools.
Now, clear out
of my station house.
This is not hard...
Just get a rescue team,
get the Jaws of Life...
This is what you're good at,
for God's sakes!
Actually, it's not.
It's not my skill set.
I know why you said that...
Because I...
Because some thoughtless fool
said that to you once.
But it isn't true... because...
you have
an incredible skill set,
honed with experience
and knowledge
andand value, and that's
why I came here to you now.
Because if my life is
on the line, which it is,
then I need Cabe Gallo
on the case.
Still ready with
the Taser, Chief.
At ease, Sergeant.
What are we dealing with?
A driver's leg is pinned
by the console.
His vehicle is jammed between
a car and a oneton truck.
We're gonna need
an auto specialist.
I know the world's best
mechanic, Happy Quinn.
You mean the host
of The Happy Mechanic podcast?
Podcast? No.
She works for...
Yes. That's her.
That's who I mean.
Well, if you get her
to lend a hand, I'm in.
She broadcasts
from a garage downtown.
Saddle up.
I'll drive.
This '67.
Mustang Shelby GT...
They call it the Eleanor...
Has a 351 engine
with 435 horsepower
and tops out
at 150 miles per hour.
And if you are looking
for a place to open up
some sweet rides,
look no further
than this week's sponsor,
the San Dimas Raceway.
For $199, you get
one hour of track time
for your favorite gearhead.
What the hell?
Cut!
That girl's everywhere.
Like sriracha.
You just ruined our recording.
I'm sorry, is there
a problem here, Officer?
This guy thinks there is.
I think he's a few quills short
of a porcupine, if you ask me.
Hi. My name is Walter.
There was a car accident.
We are looking
for the world's best engineer...
That's you.
I'd love to help, but I'm busy
recording my Christmas episode.
Biggest ad revenues of the year.
We have coffers to fill.
Happy, I know that you
think you don't know me,
but in another world,
we're really good friends.
Actually, we were married once.
Not like that.
It was for citizenship.
Never got physical.
Couldn't close the deal?
Goodbye, Crazy Walter.
Now, since you
let yourselves in,
you can let yourselves out.
Happy, hold on a second.
Please, just hold...
one second... No, you hold on.
I have built this show
from the ground up,
on my own, by myself,
with no one's help.
And you are screwing it up.
Now, don't let the door
hit you in the ass.
All right, you walk
out of here without her,
the coroners walk
out of your garage
in just a few minutes. Okay,
let's pick it up
from the Tobias Curtis ad.
You know what, I'm not leaving.
I would call the cops,
but they're already here,
doing nothing.
Happy, you take pride in
doing things on your own,
by yourself,
without anybody's help.
But... I know you.
At night, you slow
down your work
so that you're still
here when Patty leaves
so that you can talk to someone
while you walk to your car.
- Do you do that, boss?
- Shut up.
How do you know that?
Because when you started
working with me,
I saw you working slowly.
I critiqued you.
And you were scared
of losing your job,
so it forced you to
tell me the truth.
You hate being alone.
Period.
I've never worked with you,
but...
why do I still feel
like you're telling the truth?
Because we're friends.
I'd never lie to you.
Now, I know that you've
spent your whole life
trying to be the lone wolf.
But in spite of,
your successful show
and these fancy cars
and everything, you want
a family more than anything,
because that's something
that you never had.
And this guy, the guy you're
about to read the ad for,
Tobias Curtis, he is
the love of your life.
You just don't know it yet.
Andand II can bring
you two together.
I already have.
I've introduced
you before, actually.
You married him because of me.
I thought you said
she was married to you.
He looks like a jackass.
There is something about him.
Okay, I'm in.
Okay. Great. I'll set it up.
You have to come with us first.
Whoa, whoa. You're okay.
That's just reality creeping in.
Keep going.
It'll relieve
the pressure on his brain.
Okay, okay.
Paige says she's on her way.
I think I'm gonna be sick.
Is this uncomfortable for you?
'Cause I'm the one
who's drilling an 1/8inch bit
into my boss's skull.
Just a little bit further.
What is that smell?
Microparticles
from Walter's skull.
I came as soon as I heard.
What's going...
This isn't the way I left it.
Told ya. Things
change around here.
The truck was
right beside the car.
And the other vehicle's missing.
That ain't how physics works.
And you should know,
being a physics professor.
I'm not a physics professor.
All right, all right.
He likes to shout out
things he isn't.
He also isn't married to someone
named Florence.
The frame won't support
the weight
of this truck much longer.
This jalopy's gonna be
a pancake in minutes.
Is that your twin or something?
Would you believe me
if I said it was me?
No.
Okay, make that seconds.
From an engineering standpoint,
that is a very negative sound.
This guy needs to be extracted,
or he's gonna be squashed
like a bug.
Please! Please help me!
Don't say that
in front of this guy!
I'm being blunt.
It's part of my charm.
Just focus on the task at hand.
All right, stand back.
I'm gonna blow this window,
and we'll pull him free.
Okay, the car's integrity
will be compromised,
and it'll all come down
in a heap.
She's right.
It's a house of cards.
And that house is collapsing.
Okay, to buttress
a failing structure,
we need stilts, a crutch.
How 'bout those?
Film canisters.
We used 'em once to prop up
an eroding nuke
with Paige's mother.
I don't know Paige,
I don't know her mother,
and I don't know why
I'm listening to a madman.
Walt,
that didn't happen
in this world.
You just sound crazy.
Placement is key.
Follow my direction.
Okay, here, here,
and there.
No creaking.
- Well, less creaking.
- A light breeze
could blow it over.
It's too precarious
for a twoton truck.
Twoton? It's a oneton truck.
Guess again, man. Cargo.
There is no cargo.
Cinder blocks?
What the hell?
If you say
things change around here,
I'm gonna knock you out.
That means
our calculations are off.
We are back to square one on how
to pry open the driver's door
without shifting the load
and weakening the frame.
Well, run the numbers again.
In real time? To pull that off,
you'd have to be
a human calculator.
That's it.
We need Sylvester Dodd. Yeah.
Might as well
grab Zuckerberg and Elon Musk
while you're at it.
Sylvester Dodd is a great guy.
He asked me to assist
with some of his charity work
today. He'll help us out.
Do you know where to find him?
Everyone knows
where to find him.
You'll just
never get to see him.
Why?
I'm sorry,
Mr. Dodd is unavailable.
I can't deal with you
anymore today.
- She doesn't look familiar to you?
- Nope.
Please depart the premises,
or I'll have to call security.
Well, go for it.
Because we're not leaving
until we talk
to Sylvester.
I'm not leaving
till I get to level four.
Sir, I need you and your friend
to vacate the premises.
I know you.
You're Sly's wizard pal
who still lives with his mother.
One, you need to go now.
Two, who I live with
is my concern.
Let's go.
Sly's coding problem.
Games, they all have a glitch.
Let's go. Tell him...
tell him I can fix his glitches.
Sly! Sly?
That's enough. Keep moving.
I can fix your glitches!
Sly, I can fix your glitches!
- Yes, Mr. Dodd? Right away, sir.
- Sly! Sly, I can fix your glitches!
Stop!
Mr. Dodd will see them now.
Can I get you a bottle of water?
Look, the pad
has sweet indoor/outdoor flow,
but, bro.
We're only talking 6½ baths.
No, no, no, no, no, bro.
Nice digs.
No, no, no, no.
I'll spend $150 million,
not a penny more.
I can't believe it.
Sly's become a jackass.
Holler at me when it's done.
Sorry, bros.
Keep trying to buy
a sick new crib,
but they keep upping the price
since Criss Angel
used to own it.
Sylvester, we need your help.
Hold on.
Names, broseph?
Walter O'Brien.
There has been an accident.
We'll get to that.
What I want to know is...
why'd you say that all my games
have a glitch?
What's up with that?
He seems to know
a lot about me, too.
Are you The Happy Mechanic?
I listened to you
after I bought my Maybach.
Great. Another L.A. tool
driving a quartermillion
dollar car
down Sunset
at 20 miles per hour.
My chauffeur
doesn't seem to mind.
Sylvester, it doesn't matter
how I know about your glitch.
I know you.
You're a perfectionist,
so you wake up every morning
sick to your stomach
that you built this whole place
on the back of a mistake.
A mistake
that only you know about.
But for a man who loves numbers
because of the
certainty it gives
in an uncertain world,
a small error,
eeven one that causes
only the skip of
1/1,000 of a frame,
is a cause of shame.
You just rocked my world,
Broklahoma.
Now, this is a fix
for your code.
And let me tell you something.
Your refusal to let go
of the wonderment of childhood,
how you look at thethe
world with open eyes?
Your innocence
is your brilliance.
Anybody that tries to tell you
any different is dead wrong.
Holy smokes.
I could really use your help.
I'll give you anything you need.
Cabe, we're on our way.
Get the lead out, Mr. O'Brien.
This situation's going sideways.
These canisters
can't hold the truck anymore.
It's collapsing on the car.
The car is pitching
5/8 of an inch too far back.
Chief, get him
to engage the ebrake.
That'll move the car forward
a bit, buy us some time.
Kid!
You got to engage
the emergency brake.
It'll allow the car to move
forward an inch and a half.
I'm gonna die,
I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die.
Keep it together, kid.
It's not gonna happen.
I can't. I can't. My...
My heart, it's beating so fast.
His heart's beating too fast.
- Is it over?
- Yeah.
Fluid's exiting the hole,
pressure's going down.
His heart rate
should return to normal.
Sleeping Beauty's back with us.
Is he gonna be okay?
Not if his heart rate
doesn't go down.
I thought the point
of Swisscheesing his head
was to stabilize him.
Crap! The pressure
at his brain stem
isn't reducing fast enough.
Sly, keep track of his pulse.
Look, I'm gonna need you
to do some math
while I stimulate
his vagus nerve
to lower his cardiac rate.
That's way too fast. We need 80.
Um, how about now?
130. That's 37.5% of
the needed reduction.
You need to increase the
circular motion of your finger
by 266.67%. How do I do that?
Go faster, dummy.
Kid's breathing heavy.
He's having a panic attack.
I can't get him to calm down.
If I can't get him to calm down,
I can't get him to focus
to pull the emergency brake.
He's gonna die.
And then I die. Don't ask.
Okay, need to get
his heart rate down.
I know who can calm him down.
We need to get to Toby Curtis.
The selfhelp huckster?
He's a fraud.
From my understanding he's my
future husband, so take it easy.
Okay, Sly, talk
to the police chief.
He'll get you to the crash site.
Happy and I will go find Toby.
His ad said he's playing
at the San Dimas Civic Center.
I'll drive.
Great. The 10 should be clear
this time of day. The 10?
It got crushed
when that British satellite
hit it with a laser. Duh.
Satellite laser?
Scorpion prevented that.
Not here, you didn't.
Synergy.
Mobility.
Tranquility.
My father
was a gambler.
He was always broke.
But in between dodging bookies
and loan sharks,
he would take me
to the high school near us
in Coney Island.
There's no betting lines
on high school games.
Just a father and a son
watching baseball.
Okay, he's kind of cute. Shh.
Mr. Curtis is rehearsing.
Of course.
When they tore down
that high school,
I made sure
I got seats 23 and 24.
They were our seats.
That is my happy place,
but we don't always need
a physical reminder.
We all have the power to create
- our happy places in our minds.
- I get it.
The chairs are a metaphor
for baseball.
I'm sorry, you all need to go.
We need to talk to Dr. Curtis.
Absolutely not.
Excusezmoi.
Why are you interrupting
my rehearsal?
Because we need
the world's smartest behaviorist
to save a life.
First off,
your assessment of me?
Absolutely correct. Second...
I save lives every day
with my wisdom.
But that wisdom costs a ticket.
I don't see you holding one.
Hey, putz.
We've got a guy in a
car wreck who's dead
if you don't calm him down.
Wow, you're beautiful.
What is your name?
Happy.
But she's not just Happy.
She's your happy place.
Something that you're in...
you're in desperate need of.
Are you kidding me, pal?
Look, I got millions
in the bank,
five best sellers,
and my own plane.
So... Yeah, yeah.
You finally got the world
to see how brilliant
the Harvardtrained
psychiatrist is,
but, deep down,
you're miserable.
No, I'm not. II got my chairs.
Yeah, yeah. Two chairs.
Only one butt.
But here...
here is your seat filler.
I'd really like
to go to dinner with you
if possible.
I'd grab a meal with you.
If you want to spend
the rest of your life
sitting next to
her, then please,
Toby.
Please help us.
I'll help.
I'm gonna talk
to the guy in the car,
you guys figure out how to undo
this jigsaw puzzle.
I was thinking of some ideas
on the way here.
Everyone listen up.
As long as your idea
is to shift the passenger door
open to a 45 degree angle,
then I'm all ears.
Will you let me talk before you
start throwing out theories?
Which are wrong, by the way.
Anything more than 41 degrees,
and we have a human pancake.
Hey, how about we avoid
“human pancake” while I'm trying
to calm the accident victim.
That's what I said
to her earlier.
It's part of my charm.
Are you sure this
is my happy place?
Guys, can we please
work together?
Please, help me, help me!
Please, help me!
You know, this guy
looks just like you.
Who the hell is in charge here?
I am. Now, if you would please
just let me do my thing...
No. I'm in charge. Now, Toby,
can you calm him down? Sly,
make the calculations,
and Happy, effectuate a solution
using Sly's conclusions.
Who made you the boss,
Barack Bro'bama?
I made me boss.
I am your boss.
I've been boss.
Now please, just listen to me.
Whatever. Open the door
at the angle that I say.
45 degrees.
41, or I'll cram those stupid
glasses up your gaming console.
You know, when they get like
this, there's only one person
who can get them
to work together.
You're right. I need Paige.
All right, well, this is no
Kovelsky's, but it's all right.
Is that where you were
planning on taking me?
A greasy spoon?
Don't sweat it, pork pie.
We'll make it work.
Yeah, something
tells me we will.
Get a room.
Order up.
Excuse me.
Hi... here we go.
Hi, Patty.
Patricia, actually.
Go by “Trish.”
Trish. Okay, listen,
I need information. There's
a waitress here, Paige Dineen.
When's her shift start?
Waitress? She owns the place.
Mr. Elia.
You're here.
Wish I wasn't.
This thing's ancient.
Do I know you?
I set your router up in Pacoima?
No. But we've
discussed at length
your idea for a hybrid
solidstate drive
incorporating
crystal laser optics.
Crystal laser optics.
That could work.
I'll jot some notes down
on that.
Tell Paige I had to run.
Of course.
Hey, where's the tech guy going?
He hasn't finished.
Paige? Can I help you?
Yeah. In fact,
you're the only one who can.
Ralph, no mess, please.
Hey, buddy.
How are you...?
Um, excuse me.
Do you know my son?
Listen, I could waste
my time telling you about how,
in another life, I know him,
and I know you, and that
you've helped me out more than
anybody in the world, but...
you wouldn't believe it, so
saying so would be inefficient.
But all I can tell you
is that my team
and I, we need your help,
and we know
that you'll come through
because of your heart,
and your kindness,
and your decency.
I know it sounds cray.
Ralph.
Get Fernando from the kitchen,
tell him to bring the big knife.
No, no, no, no, no.
We don't need Fernando
and his big knife,
we're not insane.
We just need you.
Look, pal, I didn't get to own
a chain of restaurants
by listening to every goofball
who propositions me.
So get out of here
before I call the cops.
The real cops.
Okay, okay.
You can toss me out, but...
you'll be hurting your son.
Because I know
how every night, you pray
that he'll find someone
that's like him,
someone who can
mentor his gifts,
someone who'll make him feel
like he belongs.
I am that person.
So please, before you ask me
how I know, can I...
can I prove to you
that I'm not nuts?
Hey, buddy.
Checkmate.
See, he's not making a mess.
He's just waiting for someone
who understands him
to play with.
What kind of help do you need?
I got LAPD to block the roads
from here to County...
He'll get to
the hospital in half the time.
Dear Lord.
Not good, Cabe.
Really, really not good.
Okay, get him to edge his car
a little bit further.
Toby, talk him through
releasing the parking brake.
Wow. Back five seconds,
you're already
just bossing me around?
That crap again?
Let's get the job done.
I already did my job.
I did the calculations.
I should be snowboarding by now.
These guys are animals.
That's why I need you.
When you told Ralph to stop
making a mess, he listened
to you instantly. You know
how to control genius minds.
That's your gift, and
there's someone in that car
- who I cannot let die.
- Stick with me.
You're gonna be fine.
Just take a deep breath.
There you go.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Please. We need to save him.
Okay, dorks, listen up.
You want to have a
brainmeasuring contest,
now is not the time.
Each of you has abilities
the others don't have,
so you all get to
be the best, but only
if you save this guy.
He dies, then you are
just as useless
as any other 100IQ
human out there.
You gonna let that happen?
You gonna be ordinary?
No way. Hell no.
I don't know how to
spell “ordinary”
I mean, I mean, I do...
It's not a hard word, I just...
Get to work. Yeah.
Hey, can you do me a favor?
Just pull on that parking
brake. Can you do that?
You're masterful.
There you go, buddy, there you go.
Thank you.
My God, Walter!
Why isn't the ambulance
here yet?
Because we live in L.A.
It's been 12 minutes,
they'll be here any second.
Damn. It's a pulmonary edema.
His erratic breathing is causing
his lungs to fill with fluid.
This is a problem.
Guys, we got a problem.
What is that stuff?
Help, it's filling the car!
It wasn't there a second ago,
and now the car's halffilled.
What the hell's going on, pal?
Things change around here.
Listen, whatever I say,
you're thinking.
Just to be safe, you are pretty
close to suffocating in there.
You better do something. Fast.
Can't we just smash the windows
and let it all pour out?
Any dramatic shift in weight,
and the truck
crushes him to death.
I know what
that purple stuff is...
It's homemade ballistic gel.
My girlfriend and I,
at the time,
were trapped in a box of it.
Kinky.
How'd you get out?
Blew ourselves up.
We need to blow up the car.
Won't that kill you? Um, him?
Whatever. The nonNewtonian fluid
will shield him from impact
while the frame of the car
gets blown out. Plus, I...
I trust you guys.
I need you guys.
Explosion's too big,
the doppelganger you
gets blown to bits.
It's too small, he drowns.
So we need perfect calculations.
I'm on it.
Where do we find a bomb, nutjob?
You're gonna make it.
Siphon some gas from our car
and then grab a jar
and some wires from,
from that Dumpster over there.
And then build a timer
from a watch.
Done and done.
Well, we got one hiccup.
For this to work,
we need his head
submerged in the gel
to absorb the blast.
He's already a nervous wreck.
You can talk him through it.
Copy that.
Hey, pal.
You're gonna have to trust us.
Let that stuff overtake you
and then just hold your
breath for a few seconds.
No, no, no, I can't. I can't.
Like hell you can't 'cause you
want to get out of there, right?
You want to get out of
there so you can get home
and mingle with Kris Kringle.
You and your family
and friends...
Spending Christmas
with loved ones,
that's all that matters, right?
That's right. That's right.
Bomb's done, ready to rumble.
Okay, hit it, hit it.
Ten seconds!
Ray!
Get out of there!
I'm not real, man. Don't injure.
Move your ass!
Three... two...
one!
Thought you were a
mechanical genius?
Don't worry,
this happens on every
adventure we have.
Crap, it's still happening.
It's not the hello
I was looking for.
Guys, guys, he's awake!
Hey.
How do you feel?
My head hurts.
Makes sense, you did take
a half gainer down the stairs.
And a drill bit into your skull.
Yeah, but you
still got through it.
Way to be tough.
You guys can see him?
How can you miss him
with that shirt?
I'm so confused.
When the ambulance pulled up,
Ray was hanging out
in the alley.
He didn't have
anywhere to stay for Christmas.
I had a lot of options.
Garage was just
the only one that had food.
I was alone when I fell.
Flo came in to give you
some peppermint bark, she found
you, called 911 and then us.
She saved your life.
I had the strangest dream.
You all helped save me.
Scorpion to the rescue
- again?
- No.
No, we weren't Scorpion.
Cabe was chief of police
at the LAPD.
Sweet.
And Happy hosted aa podcast
on rare sports cars.
Nice.
And, Sly, youyou
were a video game mogul.
Toby, you were aa famous
motivational speaker.
And, Paige, youyou,
owned aa restaurant empire.
I'm so sorry I told you all
that I didn't,
I didn't need you.
Well, the truth is,
my subconscious knows that
the opposite is true.
You'd...
you'd do better without me.
Answer this, 197.
Did we all know each other
in your dream?
Happy was lonely;
You were hanging onto an
old memory for happiness,
and, Sly, you were,
you were living in shame.
By the way, I have
thethe fix for your game.
And, Cabe, you were
grumpy and you didn't have
any friends at work.
But you said that
we all saved your life.
Deep down, your psyche knows
that we're better together.
You know that you need us,
but you also know
that we need each other,
that we need you, Walter.
We were successful in your dream
because you think highly of us.
Hey, the food's here.
Give me a hand.
Toby, come here.
Get her a day
at the San Dimas Raceway.
That's brilliant.
Happy.
Get him two baseball seats from
his high school in Coney Island.
Yes.
Crazy dream?
Anything else happen in it?
Hey, hi.
Is the patient able
to see one more visitor?
There she is.
The gal of the hour.
All right!
I got a new tin
of peppermint bark
'cause I dropped mine when
I was, um, when I was startled.
Hello, Walter.
Hi.
Hello, Florence.
Thank you.
So, tell me more
about this dream.
There's nothing to tell.
The best part was
getting to meet you...
for the very first time
all over again.
Merry Christmas, Paige.
Merry Christmas.