Schitt's Creek (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 8 - Milk Money - full transcript
Johnny gets thrown into the raw milk business; Moira tries to connect with the townspeople; David gives style advice.
- They call this a
candidates' breakfast?!
- Well, it can't be, Moira,
there's a woman in cargo shorts.
Good morning, Mrs.
Rose. Here's your name tag.
- Oh, bless you,
dear, but a name tag
does not go with this ensemble.
- Oh, it's just so people
know who you are.
Not that people won't know,
when they see
you in that outfit.
It's very shiny.
- You're too kind.
Well, I'm glad you talked
me out of the mohawk.
I think these people
deserve a little glamour
in their political campaign.
I was always impressed by
those masquerade key parties
at the Sarkosy's.
Hey Johnny, good morning to you.
- Roland.
- How are 'ya?
And Elvis! I'm so
glad you could make it.
- Excuse me?!
- Well, because you
look like Elvis in that...
outfit there, you know, and...
but the early Elvis, not the...
Okay Roland, stop it.
Moira, all anyone can
talk about is that outfit.
Hah!
You are a hit!
- Huh, well no one
has said as such to me.
- It's just that, you know,
what you're wearing is
something that people
around here aren't
really used to,
or comfortable with.
But that's what makes it great.
- Oh, this is going
to be a fun campaign.
- Yeah, I think it already is.
- Mhmm...
♪ ♪
Hey Johnny, you know
I like to keep some milk
in the fridge for myself,
uh... and I noticed it uh...
mm, some of it was missing.
- Yeah, yeah.
Well, I do admit I
used a bit of your milk,
uh, to put in my coffee.
- It looks more than just a bit.
I mean, the uh... the whole
bottle seems to be gone.
Well...
Well, it was very tasty,
and naturally I'll
reimburse you for it.
- Alright, well, give me
seven bucks, we'll call it even.
- Seven dollars?!
- It's raw milk we're talking
here,
it's all natural, unpasteurized,
straight from the cow's
breast, to your mouth.
- You paid seven
dollars a bottle for this?!
- Where do you get it?
- Oh, Johnny, I...
I'm not giving up my
supplier. I mean, uh...
Unpasteurized
milk is... illegal.
- Yeah, okay, Bob,
you know, I get it,
but we're not
talking heroin here.
- Okay well, you know,
maybe you're used to being
on the wrong side of the law,
but I for one am
not going to prison.
- Gwen has already told
me she won't wait for me,
so I'm counting on
you to be uh... discreet.
- Right, okay Bob, I'll
keep it on the down low.
You know, if you expect
me to drive you to work,
it would be nice if you
were ready on time.
- I am ready!
I just have to get my jacket,
change out of these shoes,
and grab my bag.
David? David!
David, I have an urgent
campaign related question:
I am approachable...
- Is that a question?
- Yes, the question is:
I am approachable...
- That sounds more like a
fact that you're sharing with me.
- Are you saying you disagree?
- With your statement? Um...
Well, Stevie actually is just
about to drive me to work...
- Oh my God!
- Sorry.
- So um, maybe I could
give that one a think?
- Stevie! Stevie! You're
an average Joe... Anne.
You must have an opinion.
- On what?
- About my approachability.
Jocelyn seemed to insinuate
that I am not at
one with the people.
But I've always
believed that you lead
with your best foot forward,
and the masses will follow!
- You sound a
bit like a dictator.
- Oh enough, David.
Stevie understands!
- I'm trying to.
- Yes! As a strong
willed modern woman,
with a high school degree,
you know how hard we have
to work to be taken seriously!
- I actually went
to college, but sure.
I would vote for you
based solely on the fact
that you wore this outfit
to the cafe for breakfast.
- Okay.
You know, being approachable
isn't that important anyway,
The queen hasn't
smiled since the 70's,
and her birthdays are
still very well attended.
- Exactly! Wait.
What are you saying?
- Nice bike!
Oh my go...! Oh my god!
- Ted?
- Alexis!
You look good.
Like, really
good, like, super...
sun kissed, and muscle-y.
- Thank you, I've
been working out a bit.
And travelling, hit the beach
pretty hard for a few weeks.
And boy, did it hit me back.
- Good for you!
I was wondering
where you ran off to.
- Yeah well, it's actually
kind of a funny story.
Do you remember that couples
vacation that I booked for us
right before you broke
off our engagement?
- Again, I'm-I'm
super sorry about that.
- No, no, it's awesome.
'Cause they actually gave
me the "Broken Hearts Special."
Three extra nights
at no extra charge,
as long as I could prove
that I didn't actually make it
down the aisle.
Hmm!
Look at you, and
now you have a bike!
- Yeah! Yeah, no, I got
almost full price back
for the engagement ring,
and I've always
wanted one of these,
and it cost less
than the ring, so...
- Wow! So you're in like,
a really good place right now?
- Yeah, well, the
beach changes you.
- Oh... yeah.
- How about you?
What's going on?
- Yeah, I've just been...
super busy as well.
- Oh. Yeah no, I hear that.
My day's been stacked,
doing rounds to some farms,
checking on the animals,
and now some house calls,
But I gotta say,
it's a lot more fun
now that I've got this puppy.
Pun intended.
Look at you!
It's like if the "Sons
of Anarchy" had a vet.
Yeah!
Except they don't wear
helmets on that show,
Which I get, but,
it's a little dangerous.
Anyway, it's great
to see you, Alexis.
- Totally.
Ooh! Ahem!
- David!
- Jocelyn! Hi.
- Are you here picking
up something for yourself?
- No. No, I um...
I work here now.
- Oh!
- So...
- I usually just come here
when I need to kind of...
freshen up my wardrobe.
- I see, well, enjoy.
- Just looking for a few
things for the campaign.
A couple of pieces
that might catch the eye.
- Got it.
- I've got quite the stiff
competition with your mother.
- Mhmm...
- Of course I wouldn't
want to create
a conflict of interest for you.
- Got it.
Well, I have brought in some
pretty decent pieces to the store,
you're just gonna have to
search pretty hard for them, so...
- Twyla, I was just wondering,
have you ever carried
raw milk in the restaurant?
- Um, that's illegal, Mr. Rose.
- Yeah.
- Between us,
I had a bad experience
with black market milk.
- Oh?
- Granted, I bought it
from a man
who I later found
out was a drifter.
Anyway, it made
a lot of people sick,
and I am almost positive
now it wasn't cow's milk.
- Okay.
- It might've been elk's milk.
Is elk's milk a thing?
- I don't know. I don't know.
I'm just looking for
someone who sells raw milk.
From a cow.
- That's a big
business right now.
- What's a big
business right now?
- Raw milk.
- Shhh!
You would make a terrible
drug dealer, Mr. Rose.
- You're thinking about
becoming a drug dealer?
- Ugh...
- I mean, I get it,
it's fast money, and no
one would ever suspect you.
- I'm thinking of
selling raw milk.
- Oh. I don't think
that's right for you.
- But selling drugs is?!
- Okay, I had a friend in
Venice Beach who sold raw milk,
and his entire
compound was raided.
I mean, he also
sold drugs, but like...
- Well, I just think
it can be profitable,
if I can find a way
to capitalize on it.
- Um... oh!
I just saw Ted.
Ted knows a lot of farmers,
so maybe he can point
you in the right direction.
- Oh okay, good, good.
Good, maybe you
can uh, give him a call?
- Mm, I just feel like that'd
be kind of awkward right now.
- You know, your trail of
discarded boyfriends, Alexis,
is making it very difficult
to get anything done
in this world.
- Okay! I will call him.
- Good, thank you.
- I'll call him right
after my run today.
Oh my God, okay,
I'll call him right now.
- Good.
- Um...
How much milk do we want?
- Well, let's say twelve pints.
And then, we'll see
where that gets us.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Hmm...
- Does this print come
in a different colour?
- Uh, theoretically.
Yeah, um... is
it... You're look...
You want to have-you
want that in another colour?
- Maybe?
Unless you think that
there's another top
that might be better.
- Well, I mean, there
are other tops in the store.
- Uh huh, okay well,
maybe you could,
without being specific,
point me in the general
direction of something
that might be more suitable?
- Hmm. Well, it's
not really up to me.
Um, and I am supporting
my mother in this campaign.
- Oh yeah, yeah.
- But if I were you, um...
I might look for a...
a blouse maybe in...
in this general area.
Uh, maybe a-a
skirt, and a jacket.
Maybe on this rack here.
But again, it's all-
it's all you. So...
- Okay!
Thank you, David.
- For what? I
didn't do anything.
Good afternoon, Jazzagals.
I have a great warm-up
exercise I'd like to share with you.
Oh! Okay, I think we're
just waiting for Jocelyn.
- Again? I don't know how
anyone can one manage a town
when they can't even
manage their own time.
- Well, I guess we
could start without her.
- Good! Because
I was thinking...
we should get to
know each other.
Well of course, you all do
know each other already,
But I'd love for you
to get to know me.
Does anyone have any questions?
I am just trying to think.
- Maybe this will
help... break the ice?
We don't usually drink
until after rehearsal.
- Oh.
- Uh, unless of course
the drinks are free!
Here, let me. Yeah. Open it.
- Thanks.
- Alexis?
What is this?
- The twelve things of
milk that you asked for.
- The twelve "things" of milk?
I didn't ask for
twelve "things" of milk,
I didn't-I didn't say "things!"
No, I asked for twelve pints!
- Is there one missing?
- Alexis!
- What?
- These are not pints!
Pints are little bottles!
- Ohhh!
Okay, 'cause I was
wondering why would Dad order
$300.00 worth of milk?
- This cost $300.00?!
- Yeah, well like, three-ish.
I don't... hmm.
Um... okay well, $394.40,
so I guess kind
of closer to $400.
- Alexis, what am I gonna do
with $400.00 worth of raw milk?!
- Sell it!
- To whom?!
- To your customers!
- I don't have any customers!
- Well then, why would
you order so much milk?
- I didn't! You did!
- Okay, why are
you yelling at me?
- Why am I yelling?!
- Ugh! I try and do
something nice for somebody,
You think I would at least
deserve a "thank you!"
- Oh well, thank you, Alexis,
thank you for ordering
an insane amount of milk
that I will never
be able to sell!
- You're welcome!
This is a lot of
raw milk, Johnny.
- Oh, believe me, I know.
- How many times do
you want me to apologize?!
- Well, try one, and
let's see what happens.
- Okay, I'm sorry you weren't
more clear about ordering milk!
- Mm, not a proper apology.
- Ugh! Okay, quiet, you two!
You're scared,
all right, I get it.
That's why you came to me.
- We came to you
because you have a truck.
- And because you know
if anybody can navigate
the dark underworld of
the raw milk game, it's me.
- You said it was a milk co-op.
- Uh, it is, but these raw milk
guys can be loose cannons.
Just remember,
if things go south,
there's a loaded
BB gun in the back.
What is that?
Oh my God, it's the cops!
Don't stop! JOHNNY: No, it's
nothing, it's probably an accident!
I'm gettin' out of here!
- Roland, Roland!
- Stop, it's so conspicuous!
- I know it's conspicuous!
- Close the door!
- You're acting like I've
never done this before!
- Roland, just drive,
just drive! Drive.
Okay, okay, okay, I'm driving.
Start driving, drive,
drive, drive! Okay?!
Okay, I'm driving, I'm driving!
- Okay.
- A little quicker
would be good!
- Yeah.
- I'm driving, I'm going!
- It's just a checkpoint, okay?
I've been through tons
of these in Johannesburg,
um, it's like a drive thru,
except everybody has a gun.
- When were you
in Johannesburg?!
- I don't know, I remember I
just got my braces off, so...
- You were 14, in South Africa?!
- Oh! Oh!
- Hey Johnny, Johnny, Johnny!
If this turns into
a fire fight, um...
you're my human shield,
and we'll use her
as a bargaining chip.
- Yeah, okay, well,
that's not gonna happen.
- Okay, I think
the best thing to do
is just blow through
the checkpoint.
- Yeah, we're not blowing
through anything, Alexis!
- So then my Uncle
Ralph marries his third wife.
What do you think her name was?
- I don't know.
- Gayle!
- The man marries three Gayles!
- Like didn't learn
anything from the first two!
I mean, what is that?!
Sorry I am late, gals,
it's just been a crazy day.
Wow, you look amazing!
Somebody went
to the beauty salon!
Oh no, this is
just a little refresh.
- It's very... very glamorous.
So we've scrapped the whole
approachable angle, have we?
- Who says this has anything
to do with the campaign, Moira?
I love your top,
where'd you get it?
- Oh, just a shop in Elmdale.
Colour me impressed.
It takes a real eye to
find something of quality
at a clothier in Elmdale.
- Oh no, just a
little bit of luck,
and the right... salesperson.
Any of that vodka left?
Oh yeah, Moira brought plenty.
- And here I thought you were
against this type of campaigning.
- Who says this has anything
to do with the campaign?
- Just remember, no
sudden movements,
do not reach for the glove box,
and not matter what happens
do not tell them your real name.
- Uh huh...
- What?!
Turn off your truck, please.
- Yes, sir.
- Okay, who do we have here?
- Oh, um...
that's uh, Jennifer.
And then he's um... Jacob.
And then I'm also Jacob.
Well, you can look at
our drivers' licences,
if you don't believe me!
- Oh, I don't think that'll
be necessary, Jacob.
- Yeah, I'm just joking.
We don't have drivers' licences.
- Um...
- No, yeah, we do have
driver's licenses,
we don't have those names
on our driver's license.
I'm gonna talk to someone else.
Jennifer?
- Actually, my birth name
is Angelica.
- We're out here today
checking for illegal game.
Have you folks been hunting?
Hunting? No, no.
We don't uh, hunt.
I mean, there's n-no
hunting going on here.
No illegal... yeah,
you won't find any illegal
game here, that's for sure.
No!
- So, what do you
have there in the back?
- Um, actually, we're just
taking some milk to a co-op.
- What kind of milk?
- Cow milk.
- So you three
are dairy farmers?
- Mhmm...
- Yes, yes, dairy farmers.
Hard work, hard work,
'Cause you get up you know,
so early, but uh...
- But we love it.
We do.
- You farm in that suit?
- When the weather's good.
- I'm gonna need you
to pull over, Jacob.
- Jacob?
- Jacob.
- Jacob?
- What?!
- She wants you to pull over.
- Oh, I'm-I'm sorry, I
thought you were talking
to the other Jacob.
David? David, is that you?
- Yeah...
- Will you come in
here a minute, please?
- Uh huh?
- You've had a long day.
Come sit.
Don't be such a prickly pear.
I just wanna check
in with my son.
My first born.
Mhmm...
- So you're enjoying
that new job of yours?
- Um, it's a job.
So... sure.
- I was wondering what
kind of customers do you get
at a store like that?
- Different kinds.
Different people come in.
- Are they mostly
locals from Elmdale,
or do people travel
from far and wide
to benefit from the
expertise of a David Rose?
- Okay, well if someone
is looking for my advice,
then I am more than
happy to provide.
- I saw Jocelyn today.
- You did?
- Mhmm, she
looked very different.
Mostly improved,
though I must say,
I didn't like the matchy
matchy skirt and blazer!
No, she looked like
an aging stewardess
from a Latvian airline!
- I told her not to wear
the jacket with the skirt,
so... I don't know.
- And whose idea
was the hair thing?
- I-I may have suggested...
a slightly more
contemporary look.
- I understand, I understand.
It's water under the bridge.
- Well I'm sorry, I felt very...
conflicted about
the whole thing.
- Of course you were.
Now will you be a doll,
and fetch Mummy a knife?
- A knife?
- Oh, I'm sorry,
I think you'll find one lodged
in the middle of my back.
- Okay, well, that's a lot.
- And when you pull
it out of my back...
- Okay, I'm gonna take a shower.
- you can plunge
it into my heart!
- Okay, all right.
Plunge it into my heart!
- Thank you, Jacob.
Have a good day.
- Well, there it goes.
- $400.00 worth of milk.
- I feel like this
is partly my fault.
- Partly?!
- Roland was the one who
completely blew it back there!
What?! Did you not
see me playing that cop?
Oh my God, she didn't
know which way was up
when I was done with her!
- The smell of this milk is
making me super nauseous.
- Oh come on, guys, let's
not end on a down note here,
this was a good day,
let's end on an up note!
- Enough Roland, just get
the cans in the truck, please.
- Oh, okay. I'll grab one.
- Pick it up and
put it on the truck!
- Yes! Oh... okay.
Grab that one, put
that on the truck,
and then I'll organize the
rest so you can grab 'em,
and put 'em on the truck.
candidates' breakfast?!
- Well, it can't be, Moira,
there's a woman in cargo shorts.
Good morning, Mrs.
Rose. Here's your name tag.
- Oh, bless you,
dear, but a name tag
does not go with this ensemble.
- Oh, it's just so people
know who you are.
Not that people won't know,
when they see
you in that outfit.
It's very shiny.
- You're too kind.
Well, I'm glad you talked
me out of the mohawk.
I think these people
deserve a little glamour
in their political campaign.
I was always impressed by
those masquerade key parties
at the Sarkosy's.
Hey Johnny, good morning to you.
- Roland.
- How are 'ya?
And Elvis! I'm so
glad you could make it.
- Excuse me?!
- Well, because you
look like Elvis in that...
outfit there, you know, and...
but the early Elvis, not the...
Okay Roland, stop it.
Moira, all anyone can
talk about is that outfit.
Hah!
You are a hit!
- Huh, well no one
has said as such to me.
- It's just that, you know,
what you're wearing is
something that people
around here aren't
really used to,
or comfortable with.
But that's what makes it great.
- Oh, this is going
to be a fun campaign.
- Yeah, I think it already is.
- Mhmm...
♪ ♪
Hey Johnny, you know
I like to keep some milk
in the fridge for myself,
uh... and I noticed it uh...
mm, some of it was missing.
- Yeah, yeah.
Well, I do admit I
used a bit of your milk,
uh, to put in my coffee.
- It looks more than just a bit.
I mean, the uh... the whole
bottle seems to be gone.
Well...
Well, it was very tasty,
and naturally I'll
reimburse you for it.
- Alright, well, give me
seven bucks, we'll call it even.
- Seven dollars?!
- It's raw milk we're talking
here,
it's all natural, unpasteurized,
straight from the cow's
breast, to your mouth.
- You paid seven
dollars a bottle for this?!
- Where do you get it?
- Oh, Johnny, I...
I'm not giving up my
supplier. I mean, uh...
Unpasteurized
milk is... illegal.
- Yeah, okay, Bob,
you know, I get it,
but we're not
talking heroin here.
- Okay well, you know,
maybe you're used to being
on the wrong side of the law,
but I for one am
not going to prison.
- Gwen has already told
me she won't wait for me,
so I'm counting on
you to be uh... discreet.
- Right, okay Bob, I'll
keep it on the down low.
You know, if you expect
me to drive you to work,
it would be nice if you
were ready on time.
- I am ready!
I just have to get my jacket,
change out of these shoes,
and grab my bag.
David? David!
David, I have an urgent
campaign related question:
I am approachable...
- Is that a question?
- Yes, the question is:
I am approachable...
- That sounds more like a
fact that you're sharing with me.
- Are you saying you disagree?
- With your statement? Um...
Well, Stevie actually is just
about to drive me to work...
- Oh my God!
- Sorry.
- So um, maybe I could
give that one a think?
- Stevie! Stevie! You're
an average Joe... Anne.
You must have an opinion.
- On what?
- About my approachability.
Jocelyn seemed to insinuate
that I am not at
one with the people.
But I've always
believed that you lead
with your best foot forward,
and the masses will follow!
- You sound a
bit like a dictator.
- Oh enough, David.
Stevie understands!
- I'm trying to.
- Yes! As a strong
willed modern woman,
with a high school degree,
you know how hard we have
to work to be taken seriously!
- I actually went
to college, but sure.
I would vote for you
based solely on the fact
that you wore this outfit
to the cafe for breakfast.
- Okay.
You know, being approachable
isn't that important anyway,
The queen hasn't
smiled since the 70's,
and her birthdays are
still very well attended.
- Exactly! Wait.
What are you saying?
- Nice bike!
Oh my go...! Oh my god!
- Ted?
- Alexis!
You look good.
Like, really
good, like, super...
sun kissed, and muscle-y.
- Thank you, I've
been working out a bit.
And travelling, hit the beach
pretty hard for a few weeks.
And boy, did it hit me back.
- Good for you!
I was wondering
where you ran off to.
- Yeah well, it's actually
kind of a funny story.
Do you remember that couples
vacation that I booked for us
right before you broke
off our engagement?
- Again, I'm-I'm
super sorry about that.
- No, no, it's awesome.
'Cause they actually gave
me the "Broken Hearts Special."
Three extra nights
at no extra charge,
as long as I could prove
that I didn't actually make it
down the aisle.
Hmm!
Look at you, and
now you have a bike!
- Yeah! Yeah, no, I got
almost full price back
for the engagement ring,
and I've always
wanted one of these,
and it cost less
than the ring, so...
- Wow! So you're in like,
a really good place right now?
- Yeah, well, the
beach changes you.
- Oh... yeah.
- How about you?
What's going on?
- Yeah, I've just been...
super busy as well.
- Oh. Yeah no, I hear that.
My day's been stacked,
doing rounds to some farms,
checking on the animals,
and now some house calls,
But I gotta say,
it's a lot more fun
now that I've got this puppy.
Pun intended.
Look at you!
It's like if the "Sons
of Anarchy" had a vet.
Yeah!
Except they don't wear
helmets on that show,
Which I get, but,
it's a little dangerous.
Anyway, it's great
to see you, Alexis.
- Totally.
Ooh! Ahem!
- David!
- Jocelyn! Hi.
- Are you here picking
up something for yourself?
- No. No, I um...
I work here now.
- Oh!
- So...
- I usually just come here
when I need to kind of...
freshen up my wardrobe.
- I see, well, enjoy.
- Just looking for a few
things for the campaign.
A couple of pieces
that might catch the eye.
- Got it.
- I've got quite the stiff
competition with your mother.
- Mhmm...
- Of course I wouldn't
want to create
a conflict of interest for you.
- Got it.
Well, I have brought in some
pretty decent pieces to the store,
you're just gonna have to
search pretty hard for them, so...
- Twyla, I was just wondering,
have you ever carried
raw milk in the restaurant?
- Um, that's illegal, Mr. Rose.
- Yeah.
- Between us,
I had a bad experience
with black market milk.
- Oh?
- Granted, I bought it
from a man
who I later found
out was a drifter.
Anyway, it made
a lot of people sick,
and I am almost positive
now it wasn't cow's milk.
- Okay.
- It might've been elk's milk.
Is elk's milk a thing?
- I don't know. I don't know.
I'm just looking for
someone who sells raw milk.
From a cow.
- That's a big
business right now.
- What's a big
business right now?
- Raw milk.
- Shhh!
You would make a terrible
drug dealer, Mr. Rose.
- You're thinking about
becoming a drug dealer?
- Ugh...
- I mean, I get it,
it's fast money, and no
one would ever suspect you.
- I'm thinking of
selling raw milk.
- Oh. I don't think
that's right for you.
- But selling drugs is?!
- Okay, I had a friend in
Venice Beach who sold raw milk,
and his entire
compound was raided.
I mean, he also
sold drugs, but like...
- Well, I just think
it can be profitable,
if I can find a way
to capitalize on it.
- Um... oh!
I just saw Ted.
Ted knows a lot of farmers,
so maybe he can point
you in the right direction.
- Oh okay, good, good.
Good, maybe you
can uh, give him a call?
- Mm, I just feel like that'd
be kind of awkward right now.
- You know, your trail of
discarded boyfriends, Alexis,
is making it very difficult
to get anything done
in this world.
- Okay! I will call him.
- Good, thank you.
- I'll call him right
after my run today.
Oh my God, okay,
I'll call him right now.
- Good.
- Um...
How much milk do we want?
- Well, let's say twelve pints.
And then, we'll see
where that gets us.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Hmm...
- Does this print come
in a different colour?
- Uh, theoretically.
Yeah, um... is
it... You're look...
You want to have-you
want that in another colour?
- Maybe?
Unless you think that
there's another top
that might be better.
- Well, I mean, there
are other tops in the store.
- Uh huh, okay well,
maybe you could,
without being specific,
point me in the general
direction of something
that might be more suitable?
- Hmm. Well, it's
not really up to me.
Um, and I am supporting
my mother in this campaign.
- Oh yeah, yeah.
- But if I were you, um...
I might look for a...
a blouse maybe in...
in this general area.
Uh, maybe a-a
skirt, and a jacket.
Maybe on this rack here.
But again, it's all-
it's all you. So...
- Okay!
Thank you, David.
- For what? I
didn't do anything.
Good afternoon, Jazzagals.
I have a great warm-up
exercise I'd like to share with you.
Oh! Okay, I think we're
just waiting for Jocelyn.
- Again? I don't know how
anyone can one manage a town
when they can't even
manage their own time.
- Well, I guess we
could start without her.
- Good! Because
I was thinking...
we should get to
know each other.
Well of course, you all do
know each other already,
But I'd love for you
to get to know me.
Does anyone have any questions?
I am just trying to think.
- Maybe this will
help... break the ice?
We don't usually drink
until after rehearsal.
- Oh.
- Uh, unless of course
the drinks are free!
Here, let me. Yeah. Open it.
- Thanks.
- Alexis?
What is this?
- The twelve things of
milk that you asked for.
- The twelve "things" of milk?
I didn't ask for
twelve "things" of milk,
I didn't-I didn't say "things!"
No, I asked for twelve pints!
- Is there one missing?
- Alexis!
- What?
- These are not pints!
Pints are little bottles!
- Ohhh!
Okay, 'cause I was
wondering why would Dad order
$300.00 worth of milk?
- This cost $300.00?!
- Yeah, well like, three-ish.
I don't... hmm.
Um... okay well, $394.40,
so I guess kind
of closer to $400.
- Alexis, what am I gonna do
with $400.00 worth of raw milk?!
- Sell it!
- To whom?!
- To your customers!
- I don't have any customers!
- Well then, why would
you order so much milk?
- I didn't! You did!
- Okay, why are
you yelling at me?
- Why am I yelling?!
- Ugh! I try and do
something nice for somebody,
You think I would at least
deserve a "thank you!"
- Oh well, thank you, Alexis,
thank you for ordering
an insane amount of milk
that I will never
be able to sell!
- You're welcome!
This is a lot of
raw milk, Johnny.
- Oh, believe me, I know.
- How many times do
you want me to apologize?!
- Well, try one, and
let's see what happens.
- Okay, I'm sorry you weren't
more clear about ordering milk!
- Mm, not a proper apology.
- Ugh! Okay, quiet, you two!
You're scared,
all right, I get it.
That's why you came to me.
- We came to you
because you have a truck.
- And because you know
if anybody can navigate
the dark underworld of
the raw milk game, it's me.
- You said it was a milk co-op.
- Uh, it is, but these raw milk
guys can be loose cannons.
Just remember,
if things go south,
there's a loaded
BB gun in the back.
What is that?
Oh my God, it's the cops!
Don't stop! JOHNNY: No, it's
nothing, it's probably an accident!
I'm gettin' out of here!
- Roland, Roland!
- Stop, it's so conspicuous!
- I know it's conspicuous!
- Close the door!
- You're acting like I've
never done this before!
- Roland, just drive,
just drive! Drive.
Okay, okay, okay, I'm driving.
Start driving, drive,
drive, drive! Okay?!
Okay, I'm driving, I'm driving!
- Okay.
- A little quicker
would be good!
- Yeah.
- I'm driving, I'm going!
- It's just a checkpoint, okay?
I've been through tons
of these in Johannesburg,
um, it's like a drive thru,
except everybody has a gun.
- When were you
in Johannesburg?!
- I don't know, I remember I
just got my braces off, so...
- You were 14, in South Africa?!
- Oh! Oh!
- Hey Johnny, Johnny, Johnny!
If this turns into
a fire fight, um...
you're my human shield,
and we'll use her
as a bargaining chip.
- Yeah, okay, well,
that's not gonna happen.
- Okay, I think
the best thing to do
is just blow through
the checkpoint.
- Yeah, we're not blowing
through anything, Alexis!
- So then my Uncle
Ralph marries his third wife.
What do you think her name was?
- I don't know.
- Gayle!
- The man marries three Gayles!
- Like didn't learn
anything from the first two!
I mean, what is that?!
Sorry I am late, gals,
it's just been a crazy day.
Wow, you look amazing!
Somebody went
to the beauty salon!
Oh no, this is
just a little refresh.
- It's very... very glamorous.
So we've scrapped the whole
approachable angle, have we?
- Who says this has anything
to do with the campaign, Moira?
I love your top,
where'd you get it?
- Oh, just a shop in Elmdale.
Colour me impressed.
It takes a real eye to
find something of quality
at a clothier in Elmdale.
- Oh no, just a
little bit of luck,
and the right... salesperson.
Any of that vodka left?
Oh yeah, Moira brought plenty.
- And here I thought you were
against this type of campaigning.
- Who says this has anything
to do with the campaign?
- Just remember, no
sudden movements,
do not reach for the glove box,
and not matter what happens
do not tell them your real name.
- Uh huh...
- What?!
Turn off your truck, please.
- Yes, sir.
- Okay, who do we have here?
- Oh, um...
that's uh, Jennifer.
And then he's um... Jacob.
And then I'm also Jacob.
Well, you can look at
our drivers' licences,
if you don't believe me!
- Oh, I don't think that'll
be necessary, Jacob.
- Yeah, I'm just joking.
We don't have drivers' licences.
- Um...
- No, yeah, we do have
driver's licenses,
we don't have those names
on our driver's license.
I'm gonna talk to someone else.
Jennifer?
- Actually, my birth name
is Angelica.
- We're out here today
checking for illegal game.
Have you folks been hunting?
Hunting? No, no.
We don't uh, hunt.
I mean, there's n-no
hunting going on here.
No illegal... yeah,
you won't find any illegal
game here, that's for sure.
No!
- So, what do you
have there in the back?
- Um, actually, we're just
taking some milk to a co-op.
- What kind of milk?
- Cow milk.
- So you three
are dairy farmers?
- Mhmm...
- Yes, yes, dairy farmers.
Hard work, hard work,
'Cause you get up you know,
so early, but uh...
- But we love it.
We do.
- You farm in that suit?
- When the weather's good.
- I'm gonna need you
to pull over, Jacob.
- Jacob?
- Jacob.
- Jacob?
- What?!
- She wants you to pull over.
- Oh, I'm-I'm sorry, I
thought you were talking
to the other Jacob.
David? David, is that you?
- Yeah...
- Will you come in
here a minute, please?
- Uh huh?
- You've had a long day.
Come sit.
Don't be such a prickly pear.
I just wanna check
in with my son.
My first born.
Mhmm...
- So you're enjoying
that new job of yours?
- Um, it's a job.
So... sure.
- I was wondering what
kind of customers do you get
at a store like that?
- Different kinds.
Different people come in.
- Are they mostly
locals from Elmdale,
or do people travel
from far and wide
to benefit from the
expertise of a David Rose?
- Okay, well if someone
is looking for my advice,
then I am more than
happy to provide.
- I saw Jocelyn today.
- You did?
- Mhmm, she
looked very different.
Mostly improved,
though I must say,
I didn't like the matchy
matchy skirt and blazer!
No, she looked like
an aging stewardess
from a Latvian airline!
- I told her not to wear
the jacket with the skirt,
so... I don't know.
- And whose idea
was the hair thing?
- I-I may have suggested...
a slightly more
contemporary look.
- I understand, I understand.
It's water under the bridge.
- Well I'm sorry, I felt very...
conflicted about
the whole thing.
- Of course you were.
Now will you be a doll,
and fetch Mummy a knife?
- A knife?
- Oh, I'm sorry,
I think you'll find one lodged
in the middle of my back.
- Okay, well, that's a lot.
- And when you pull
it out of my back...
- Okay, I'm gonna take a shower.
- you can plunge
it into my heart!
- Okay, all right.
Plunge it into my heart!
- Thank you, Jacob.
Have a good day.
- Well, there it goes.
- $400.00 worth of milk.
- I feel like this
is partly my fault.
- Partly?!
- Roland was the one who
completely blew it back there!
What?! Did you not
see me playing that cop?
Oh my God, she didn't
know which way was up
when I was done with her!
- The smell of this milk is
making me super nauseous.
- Oh come on, guys, let's
not end on a down note here,
this was a good day,
let's end on an up note!
- Enough Roland, just get
the cans in the truck, please.
- Oh, okay. I'll grab one.
- Pick it up and
put it on the truck!
- Yes! Oh... okay.
Grab that one, put
that on the truck,
and then I'll organize the
rest so you can grab 'em,
and put 'em on the truck.