Schitt's Creek (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 7 - The Candidate - full transcript
Johnny considers running for town council; David and Stevie look for love; Alexis copes with being single.
- Good Morning!
- Hi, Twyla.
- I hear congratulations
are in order, Mrs. Rose.
- Thank you, dear, for what?
- Oh, should I not
say anything yet?
- Well, you could say
something, think of it as a clue.
- Not say something about what?
- Your wife's big announcement.
- Again dear, clue!
- You running for town council!
- What, excuse me?
- You're running
for town council?
- No, I'm not running
for town council.
- Oh, I must've misheard.
Everyone was talking about
you standing up to council
last week, so I just assumed...
- Never assume, dear, It
makes an ass out of both of us.
- It's not that absurd
an idea, Moira.
You know, being on town
council might give you an outlet
to channel all that...
"passion" you
have for this town.
- I'd sooner poke my
eyes out with hat pins.
- Well, that's subtle.
- Well, I think you would
make a great councilor.
- Well, the right person
might be able to get
a lot done around here.
- The right person, John,
wouldn't be caught dead in this,
they'd be running
somewhere a little more...
- What?
- Moira...
- Okay, maybe I should
say somewhere less...
- Less what?
- What's the word I'm trying
to think of?
- Well, let's hope
we don't find it, okay?
Are we ready to
order, councilor?
- You go ahead.
♪♪
Have you seen my black shoe?
It's a lace up,
probably lost in the sea
of your dirty clothes?
- No.
- Ugh!
What is going on here?!
Why are your clothes
crammed under my bed?
- It's just temporary
storage, David.
- Look at your things.
Look at your life!
- I have been distracted!
- Why is this wet? Ewww!
- Because I kicked
over a glass of water
that you left on the floor.
- I wasn't drinking water.
- Okay, so maybe it was mine,
what difference does it make?
Ugh!
- Oh my God!
- Ugh! Anyway, I
need the room tonight,
because I'm
having a friend over.
- What friend?
- Um Twyla, we're gonna
have a fun little sleepover.
- Mhmm... You and Twyla?
- Yeah, we're gonna
do face masks,
and we're gonna talk about
boys that we both know,
and have dated.
- Um, have you spent
more than five minutes
with the girl, one on one?
She could be a serial killer.
- Twy and I have tea
together like, every day, David.
- That she serves
you at the cafe.
- Because we're friends.
- Oh... right.
Um, so then where is
Twyla going to sleep tonight?
- Because I'd say she
could stay under my bed,
but your disgusting clothes
are all stuffed under there,
So... just wondering,
where she'd... sleep!
- Stop doing that with
your face!
- Hmm.
- Bob, now that Ray's
stepped down from council,
I gather his seat
is up for grabs?
"His seat is up for grabs?"
I could say something
pretty inappropriate right now.
- Well, I'm hoping you don't.
- No, but I could,
that's a real set up.
- Yeah, yeah, but I
was thinking, if his seat...
- There you go again!
- could be filled by someone
with real experience...
- Uh-huh.
- You see, I played
a significant role
in Gerald Caine's campaign.
- Who's that?
- Well, he won a seat
in the legislature,
and now he's a senator.
- Yeah well, town council
might be small potatoes
for a guy like that.
- Well, not him, Bob. Me!
I'm talking about me.
See, I've worked on a
number of campaigns,
and I was president of the
Video Retailers Association.
- Sure, and uh...
it might be a nice change of
pace from banging your head
against the wall here every day.
- Well, I'm not banging
my head against the wall,
but if I were to run,
I'd need support
from people like you.
- Boy uh, so if you got this,
that would mean we'd work
together here at the garage,
and on council?
If I didn't know any better,
I might think you
had a crush on me!
- Well, that's... that's funny.
- I'm only teasing.
- Yeah, I know, I know.
- I don't mean to embarrass you.
- I'm not embarrassed!
- You have no reason
to be embarrassed.
You're a happily married man.
- Oh my.
- And so am I!
- Okay, gotta go, Bob.
- Hey Twy, come sit!
- Oh, I'd love to, it's just I
have a lot of tables right now.
- Okay, well um, maybe
we can hang out after?
I was thinking we could
have a little ladies' night
at my place.
- Just the two of us?
- Yeah!
Come by around eight.
- I'm working tonight,
but maybe this weekend?
Or are you with
Mutt on weekends?
- Um no, because we broke up.
- I'm sorry to hear that.
Although, part of
me is a little relieved.
Since you did tell me
to break up with him,
and then you dated him...
- That's so sweet of
you, but I'm gonna be fine.
So how late do you
have to work tonight?
- Um, until people
leave, I guess.
- And when do people leave?
- I don't know, after
people clear out.
- Okay, well when
everybody clears out,
you can just pop by.
- You know, when I
broke up with Mutt,
I just took a lot of
alone time to rebuild,
and regroup, and I just,
I think it's so important.
- Yeah, and I'm doing the
same kind of thing right now.
'Cause it's so important.
- All right, good.
Because you know what they
say, if you can't be by yourself,
then you probably
shouldn't be in a relationship.
- Mmhmm, I totally get that.
But call me if you happen
to get off work early.
Twy? Call me if you
get off work early!
♪♪
All right.
I know. I know!
- Hey, Roland.
- Uh-huh.
All right, so one o'clock,
then? All right, terrific.
Yeah, no, I look
forward to catching up.
Great, yep, you
too. Okay, all right.
Buh-bye! Sorry, Johnny.
I just had to reschedule
my colonoscopy.
- Oh. Well, I just
stopped by to pick up
a nomination form
for town council.
- You know, I
gotta hand it to you.
It takes a brave man
to face defeat yet again,
when his ego is so
battered and bruised.
- Well, I don't plan on losing,
but thank you for the
vote of confidence.
- Johnny, nobody
plans on losing.
But with all due respect,
this is a kind of a different
playing field for you.
- Roland, I ran the second
largest retail video chain
in North America, so...
- Well, that's good to hear,
so you're used to
coming in second, huh?
- Could I get a
nomination form, please?!
- Look I'm just trying to
help you out here, okay?
I've been in
politics for 18 years,
and let me tell
you something, pal,
it ain't a cakewalk, okay?!
Say goodbye to your privacy.
You walk into a restaurant,
everybody's gonna
know who you are!
- Well, everyone
knows everyone here,
because there's
only one restaurant.
- I mean, just taking your
boy for ice cream cone
can turn into a media circus.
- Well, your son is 30,
and you never see him.
Could I get a form,
Roland? Please?
- You know what?
I'll do you one better,
I'll give you the form,
und your first signature.
- Oh, wow.
- There you go, how 'bout that?
- Thank you.
- You're very welcome.
- You signed under "Date."
- Yeah, like that's going
to make a difference.
- Okay.
- Rrrrrr! Come're,
you! I'm thirsty!
- Exciting afternoon?
- Thrilling, can't you tell?
- What are you doing tonight?
- Uh, I'm busy.
- With what?
- I'm going out.
- With who?
- Does it matter?
- Where are you going?
- None of your business!
- Are you seeing someone?
- Not exactly.
- Okay, you're sounding
very sketchy right now.
- I'm going to a bar
to meet someone.
- Who?!
- I don't know yet.
- Ohh... So she's going
to a bar to get laid, then.
I see...
- Uh no,
she is going to a bar
to have her needs met
by some lovely gentleman
she's yet to meet,
who is cute enough
to sleep with,
but not nearly mature or
stable enough to marry.
- I want that.
- Well, you can't come.
'Cause everyone will
think we're together.
- Okay, I think you're
giving yourself a lot of credit.
- I was being generous.
- No, We're gonna be each
other's wing people tonight.
Um now, how
diverse is the clientele
at this local drinkery?
- I would say very diverse.
- I can't remember what life
was like before dating apps.
I'm both excited and
terrified for tonight.
- I don't think I ever
said you could come.
- Okay, so what time, though?
And is there a dress code?
'Cause I just want
to come prepared.
- So that I can meet somebody.
I'm in Room 7 in
case you need me.
See you later.
This is gonna be so fun for us.
- You know, it's uh...
It's a funny thing,
there seems to be a rumour
going around about me.
- I heard that one,
it's only because you
converse with women easily,
and you dress so well.
I wouldn't give it
another thought.
- What?
- I'm sorry, which rumour
are you talking about?
- The one about me
running for council.
- No, that was about me, John.
You were with me
when Twyla said that.
If this continues, I'll
have to call a neurologist.
- No, this is another
rumour, Moira.
A rumour about me
running for council.
- From whom did
you hear this one?
- Well, I-I don't
know where it started,
but the gist of it
is I'd be a shoo-in,
and could really
get things done.
- Well, there's no
question about it.
You'd be a godsend to council.
- Well, thank you
sweetheart, I agree.
- But they'll never
know about it,
because you have
much bigger plans.
- Yes, I know, well...
- I see you go into the office
every day, pistons firing,
you are full of ideas,
and you haven't told
me what they are yet,
but I have every confidence
that they are brilliant.
- Yeah, yeah... Well,
who says I can't do both?
Moira, being on council
could leverage our position
considerably in this town.
- It's not worth it.
You saw me struggle to get
those modest planters for the motel.
Trying to council to
focus on the simplest thing
is like wrangling monkeys!
- Well, I can wrangle monkeys.
It's called running a business.
- Yes, you could, but you'd be
wasting your talents on these people.
- Yeah well, that
goes without saying.
Listen, I know it's
a giant step down
from anything I've
done in the past, but...
- Exactly, it's beneath you.
- Well, I just...
worry that the people who
were spreading this rumour
might be a little
disappointed, that's all.
- Well, you can't
worry about them.
- Hey!
- Hey.
- Are you waiting for someone?
- No, I'm just taking
some "me time."
- Oh, okay...
I hope I'm not getting
in the way of that.
- No, no, you're good.
So, Stevie...
you're a strong woman
who's alone a lot.
Like, I know you dated David,
but everyone's allowed
a mistake, am I right?
- You sound like my conscience.
- Is it hard for you?
- Uh, is what hard for me?
- Like, being by yourself here?
Like, you're just totally okay
to sit here all day by yourself?
- That's why I took the job.
- Mmhm. Okay.
And while you're
here, by yourself,
you never get this
almost uncontrollable urge
to talk to people, or
be complimented, or...
- I know everyone in this town,
so for the most part, I would
rather be here by myself
than engage in
meaningless conversation
with people I don't care about.
- Totally.
- Mmhm... And why is that?
- Because I enjoy my
own company more.
- Of course. Of course.
Okay.
Can I have everyone's
attention, please?
If I could just-okay.
Thanks, Jazzagals.
I just wanted to grab
your ear for just a second,
to make a quick announcement.
I will not be at rehearsals for
the next two weeks, because...
I have decided to
throw my hat in the ring,
and run for council!
Oh, Jocelyn! That's
great! Oh my gosh!
That's amazing!
- I'm currently
running unopposed.
So that kinda takes away
the excitement of winning,
you know, but still, I think
it's gonna be a real hoot.
That's so fun! Congratulations!
Good going! Good for you!
- Thank you.
That's awesome! That's great!
- So Jocelyn, good for you.
Taking on a new little project.
- Thanks I'm really
looking forward to it.
- You know what's
funny, just this morning,
Twyla asked me if I
was running for council.
- That is funny.
I mean, unless you're
thinking of running.
- Mm, no. No, no.
- Can you imagine?
- No!
I mean, just because
you've spent all your time
trying to sell the town
and get outta here, so.
- Twyla dear, what was it
this morning that made you say
I would make such a
great councilwoman?
- Oh, I just heard
you were running.
- Are you?
- No!
- I...
- She's not
interested in politics!
- Although I can see why
someone might think that.
I certainly know how
to command a crowd,
and I've never been one to
shy away from a good fight.
- I don't think it's such a bad
idea for someone else to run.
A little healthy competition
never hurt anyone.
- Yeah, a real election
race could be fun!
- Absolutely, I mean, I
wouldn't want anyone
to think that I was
just stepping into this,
you know, because of Roland.
Yeah, I mean, if
any of you townies
wanna put your
name on the ballot,
I think that's
just a great idea.
- That's the spirit.
If Jocelyn can
do it, anyone can.
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Places!
Don't you think?
- Hmm... On a scale of one
to I'm-gonna-get-beat-up
by-an-angry-local,
where do we see this look fall?
- Um, like, easy six.
- Okay.
- Where are you going?
- I am going to a sketchy
bar on the outskirts of town.
- And nobody invited me?!
You know how at home
I am at sketchy bars!
Who are you going with?
- With Stevie, we're
gonna meet some randoms.
So um, when I go missing,
just feel free to tell people
that the last place I was seen
was at a sketchy bar on the
outskirts of town meeting randoms.
- Okay well, this
isn't fair, David.
I'm the one who should be at a
sketchy bar meeting randoms.
I'm the one who
should go missing!
- Well then, come!
- I can't.
- Why?
- Well, for one thing,
this mask doesn't come off
for another twenty minutes.
- You look beautiful.
- Thank you.
And... second, I told
myself that I would enjoy
my own company tonight.
- Okay um, well,
we're going to a bar,
and you're on the rebound,
so text me when you're dressed.
- I'm serious, David,
I'm not coming.
Have fun, though.
Oh, and in case you
wake up in a chair
with your hands
duct taped together,
you can snap the duct tape
by just raising your
hands over your head,
and then bringing
them down really hard.
- Thanks. Um... see you there?
I'm not coming.
- I'm not coming.
- Hi, Moira. How was rehearsal?
- It was quite an afternoon.
Oh John, thank you.
- Listen, I just
wanted to thank you
for what you said this morning.
- And what's that?
- When we had our little talk
about me running for council.
I have to admit I'd given
it a little more thought
than I'd let on.
- Oh?
- Yes.
I actually picked up
a nomination form.
- Really John, I didn't realize.
- No, no, no, I'm glad
you talked me out of it.
- Okay.
- Yeah, because I thought
about the job,
what it would entail,
and you know, listen,
Roland drives me crazy
when he's not even around,
but can you imagine?
- No!
- Working with him every day?
- Huh! I'm laughing
about it right now.
Did you know Jocelyn is running?
- No, oh my God! This
gets better and better.
So the two of them
on council together?
- Is there a more
frightening thought?
They would have a virtual
monopoly on this town.
- Well, don't they already?
- Exactly, I think someone
needs to challenge them!
- Right!
So... what are you saying?
That I should run?
- No. Nope.
- Because I did
get five signatures
on my nomination form, and I...
- No! No, no, no, John, you've
got enough on your plate.
- Oh.
- Whereas I...
have nothing but free time.
- I'm not exactly sure
where this is going.
- John, you have the
family to think about.
You're going to accomplish
wonderfully big things.
Town council would
just hold you back.
- But something
tells me it will not be...
holding you back?
- It would be a few
weeks of my time.
And you know, someone said
it might be a nice project for me.
- And would that someone be you?
- Jocelyn practically
begged me to take the bait!
- So you're
running for council?!
- Looks like it.
- Oh well, isn't that
wonderful!
Isn't that wonderful!
Hey, that's really good news.
- I'm sorry, John, I
just got swept up in it.
- No, no, listen as long as
one of us is running, okay?
That's the important thing.
It doesn't matter which
one of us is running.
I thought it would be me,
but then you talked me
out of it! But that's okay!
- Please John, I'm going to
need you every step of the way.
- And I'll be right
behind you Moira,
supporting you, because...
you're the one
running, and I'm not!
- How long are we
going to be doing this?
- Oh, just a few more
minutes, at least.
- It's not usually this dead.
It's like everybody saw
you coming, and left.
- Is this really what
our lives have become?
Sitting in some sad...
bar waiting to get laid?
- Well it's this,
or the internet.
- Oh, I did have
a match earlier.
Um who is... 79 miles away.
- Well, if you
start walking now,
you'll get there
before breakfast.
- Alexis is supposed
to be meeting us here.
She said she wasn't
coming, but this is a bar,
and she is single, so.
- Well, you should warn her
that we are the only people
here under sixty.
- Yeah, it's not... not
brimming with options.
- No.
♪♪
- Nope.
- No!
- No, it didn't feel right.
- No, it didn't.
- Well, at least we tried.
- I agree.
Oh, uh, I notice that
man is no longer sleeping
under the pool table.
- Well, I'm surprisingly
good at pool.
So...
- Hmm!
Wait a second, is this
like a reverse hustle,
where you say you're good,
but you're actually terrible?
- Um, I don't know.
- Do you wanna break?
- Um, from what?
- Oh, this is gonna be fun.
Don't, David.
I have nowhere
else to put stuff.
- Hi, Twyla.
- I hear congratulations
are in order, Mrs. Rose.
- Thank you, dear, for what?
- Oh, should I not
say anything yet?
- Well, you could say
something, think of it as a clue.
- Not say something about what?
- Your wife's big announcement.
- Again dear, clue!
- You running for town council!
- What, excuse me?
- You're running
for town council?
- No, I'm not running
for town council.
- Oh, I must've misheard.
Everyone was talking about
you standing up to council
last week, so I just assumed...
- Never assume, dear, It
makes an ass out of both of us.
- It's not that absurd
an idea, Moira.
You know, being on town
council might give you an outlet
to channel all that...
"passion" you
have for this town.
- I'd sooner poke my
eyes out with hat pins.
- Well, that's subtle.
- Well, I think you would
make a great councilor.
- Well, the right person
might be able to get
a lot done around here.
- The right person, John,
wouldn't be caught dead in this,
they'd be running
somewhere a little more...
- What?
- Moira...
- Okay, maybe I should
say somewhere less...
- Less what?
- What's the word I'm trying
to think of?
- Well, let's hope
we don't find it, okay?
Are we ready to
order, councilor?
- You go ahead.
♪♪
Have you seen my black shoe?
It's a lace up,
probably lost in the sea
of your dirty clothes?
- No.
- Ugh!
What is going on here?!
Why are your clothes
crammed under my bed?
- It's just temporary
storage, David.
- Look at your things.
Look at your life!
- I have been distracted!
- Why is this wet? Ewww!
- Because I kicked
over a glass of water
that you left on the floor.
- I wasn't drinking water.
- Okay, so maybe it was mine,
what difference does it make?
Ugh!
- Oh my God!
- Ugh! Anyway, I
need the room tonight,
because I'm
having a friend over.
- What friend?
- Um Twyla, we're gonna
have a fun little sleepover.
- Mhmm... You and Twyla?
- Yeah, we're gonna
do face masks,
and we're gonna talk about
boys that we both know,
and have dated.
- Um, have you spent
more than five minutes
with the girl, one on one?
She could be a serial killer.
- Twy and I have tea
together like, every day, David.
- That she serves
you at the cafe.
- Because we're friends.
- Oh... right.
Um, so then where is
Twyla going to sleep tonight?
- Because I'd say she
could stay under my bed,
but your disgusting clothes
are all stuffed under there,
So... just wondering,
where she'd... sleep!
- Stop doing that with
your face!
- Hmm.
- Bob, now that Ray's
stepped down from council,
I gather his seat
is up for grabs?
"His seat is up for grabs?"
I could say something
pretty inappropriate right now.
- Well, I'm hoping you don't.
- No, but I could,
that's a real set up.
- Yeah, yeah, but I
was thinking, if his seat...
- There you go again!
- could be filled by someone
with real experience...
- Uh-huh.
- You see, I played
a significant role
in Gerald Caine's campaign.
- Who's that?
- Well, he won a seat
in the legislature,
and now he's a senator.
- Yeah well, town council
might be small potatoes
for a guy like that.
- Well, not him, Bob. Me!
I'm talking about me.
See, I've worked on a
number of campaigns,
and I was president of the
Video Retailers Association.
- Sure, and uh...
it might be a nice change of
pace from banging your head
against the wall here every day.
- Well, I'm not banging
my head against the wall,
but if I were to run,
I'd need support
from people like you.
- Boy uh, so if you got this,
that would mean we'd work
together here at the garage,
and on council?
If I didn't know any better,
I might think you
had a crush on me!
- Well, that's... that's funny.
- I'm only teasing.
- Yeah, I know, I know.
- I don't mean to embarrass you.
- I'm not embarrassed!
- You have no reason
to be embarrassed.
You're a happily married man.
- Oh my.
- And so am I!
- Okay, gotta go, Bob.
- Hey Twy, come sit!
- Oh, I'd love to, it's just I
have a lot of tables right now.
- Okay, well um, maybe
we can hang out after?
I was thinking we could
have a little ladies' night
at my place.
- Just the two of us?
- Yeah!
Come by around eight.
- I'm working tonight,
but maybe this weekend?
Or are you with
Mutt on weekends?
- Um no, because we broke up.
- I'm sorry to hear that.
Although, part of
me is a little relieved.
Since you did tell me
to break up with him,
and then you dated him...
- That's so sweet of
you, but I'm gonna be fine.
So how late do you
have to work tonight?
- Um, until people
leave, I guess.
- And when do people leave?
- I don't know, after
people clear out.
- Okay, well when
everybody clears out,
you can just pop by.
- You know, when I
broke up with Mutt,
I just took a lot of
alone time to rebuild,
and regroup, and I just,
I think it's so important.
- Yeah, and I'm doing the
same kind of thing right now.
'Cause it's so important.
- All right, good.
Because you know what they
say, if you can't be by yourself,
then you probably
shouldn't be in a relationship.
- Mmhmm, I totally get that.
But call me if you happen
to get off work early.
Twy? Call me if you
get off work early!
♪♪
All right.
I know. I know!
- Hey, Roland.
- Uh-huh.
All right, so one o'clock,
then? All right, terrific.
Yeah, no, I look
forward to catching up.
Great, yep, you
too. Okay, all right.
Buh-bye! Sorry, Johnny.
I just had to reschedule
my colonoscopy.
- Oh. Well, I just
stopped by to pick up
a nomination form
for town council.
- You know, I
gotta hand it to you.
It takes a brave man
to face defeat yet again,
when his ego is so
battered and bruised.
- Well, I don't plan on losing,
but thank you for the
vote of confidence.
- Johnny, nobody
plans on losing.
But with all due respect,
this is a kind of a different
playing field for you.
- Roland, I ran the second
largest retail video chain
in North America, so...
- Well, that's good to hear,
so you're used to
coming in second, huh?
- Could I get a
nomination form, please?!
- Look I'm just trying to
help you out here, okay?
I've been in
politics for 18 years,
and let me tell
you something, pal,
it ain't a cakewalk, okay?!
Say goodbye to your privacy.
You walk into a restaurant,
everybody's gonna
know who you are!
- Well, everyone
knows everyone here,
because there's
only one restaurant.
- I mean, just taking your
boy for ice cream cone
can turn into a media circus.
- Well, your son is 30,
and you never see him.
Could I get a form,
Roland? Please?
- You know what?
I'll do you one better,
I'll give you the form,
und your first signature.
- Oh, wow.
- There you go, how 'bout that?
- Thank you.
- You're very welcome.
- You signed under "Date."
- Yeah, like that's going
to make a difference.
- Okay.
- Rrrrrr! Come're,
you! I'm thirsty!
- Exciting afternoon?
- Thrilling, can't you tell?
- What are you doing tonight?
- Uh, I'm busy.
- With what?
- I'm going out.
- With who?
- Does it matter?
- Where are you going?
- None of your business!
- Are you seeing someone?
- Not exactly.
- Okay, you're sounding
very sketchy right now.
- I'm going to a bar
to meet someone.
- Who?!
- I don't know yet.
- Ohh... So she's going
to a bar to get laid, then.
I see...
- Uh no,
she is going to a bar
to have her needs met
by some lovely gentleman
she's yet to meet,
who is cute enough
to sleep with,
but not nearly mature or
stable enough to marry.
- I want that.
- Well, you can't come.
'Cause everyone will
think we're together.
- Okay, I think you're
giving yourself a lot of credit.
- I was being generous.
- No, We're gonna be each
other's wing people tonight.
Um now, how
diverse is the clientele
at this local drinkery?
- I would say very diverse.
- I can't remember what life
was like before dating apps.
I'm both excited and
terrified for tonight.
- I don't think I ever
said you could come.
- Okay, so what time, though?
And is there a dress code?
'Cause I just want
to come prepared.
- So that I can meet somebody.
I'm in Room 7 in
case you need me.
See you later.
This is gonna be so fun for us.
- You know, it's uh...
It's a funny thing,
there seems to be a rumour
going around about me.
- I heard that one,
it's only because you
converse with women easily,
and you dress so well.
I wouldn't give it
another thought.
- What?
- I'm sorry, which rumour
are you talking about?
- The one about me
running for council.
- No, that was about me, John.
You were with me
when Twyla said that.
If this continues, I'll
have to call a neurologist.
- No, this is another
rumour, Moira.
A rumour about me
running for council.
- From whom did
you hear this one?
- Well, I-I don't
know where it started,
but the gist of it
is I'd be a shoo-in,
and could really
get things done.
- Well, there's no
question about it.
You'd be a godsend to council.
- Well, thank you
sweetheart, I agree.
- But they'll never
know about it,
because you have
much bigger plans.
- Yes, I know, well...
- I see you go into the office
every day, pistons firing,
you are full of ideas,
and you haven't told
me what they are yet,
but I have every confidence
that they are brilliant.
- Yeah, yeah... Well,
who says I can't do both?
Moira, being on council
could leverage our position
considerably in this town.
- It's not worth it.
You saw me struggle to get
those modest planters for the motel.
Trying to council to
focus on the simplest thing
is like wrangling monkeys!
- Well, I can wrangle monkeys.
It's called running a business.
- Yes, you could, but you'd be
wasting your talents on these people.
- Yeah well, that
goes without saying.
Listen, I know it's
a giant step down
from anything I've
done in the past, but...
- Exactly, it's beneath you.
- Well, I just...
worry that the people who
were spreading this rumour
might be a little
disappointed, that's all.
- Well, you can't
worry about them.
- Hey!
- Hey.
- Are you waiting for someone?
- No, I'm just taking
some "me time."
- Oh, okay...
I hope I'm not getting
in the way of that.
- No, no, you're good.
So, Stevie...
you're a strong woman
who's alone a lot.
Like, I know you dated David,
but everyone's allowed
a mistake, am I right?
- You sound like my conscience.
- Is it hard for you?
- Uh, is what hard for me?
- Like, being by yourself here?
Like, you're just totally okay
to sit here all day by yourself?
- That's why I took the job.
- Mmhm. Okay.
And while you're
here, by yourself,
you never get this
almost uncontrollable urge
to talk to people, or
be complimented, or...
- I know everyone in this town,
so for the most part, I would
rather be here by myself
than engage in
meaningless conversation
with people I don't care about.
- Totally.
- Mmhm... And why is that?
- Because I enjoy my
own company more.
- Of course. Of course.
Okay.
Can I have everyone's
attention, please?
If I could just-okay.
Thanks, Jazzagals.
I just wanted to grab
your ear for just a second,
to make a quick announcement.
I will not be at rehearsals for
the next two weeks, because...
I have decided to
throw my hat in the ring,
and run for council!
Oh, Jocelyn! That's
great! Oh my gosh!
That's amazing!
- I'm currently
running unopposed.
So that kinda takes away
the excitement of winning,
you know, but still, I think
it's gonna be a real hoot.
That's so fun! Congratulations!
Good going! Good for you!
- Thank you.
That's awesome! That's great!
- So Jocelyn, good for you.
Taking on a new little project.
- Thanks I'm really
looking forward to it.
- You know what's
funny, just this morning,
Twyla asked me if I
was running for council.
- That is funny.
I mean, unless you're
thinking of running.
- Mm, no. No, no.
- Can you imagine?
- No!
I mean, just because
you've spent all your time
trying to sell the town
and get outta here, so.
- Twyla dear, what was it
this morning that made you say
I would make such a
great councilwoman?
- Oh, I just heard
you were running.
- Are you?
- No!
- I...
- She's not
interested in politics!
- Although I can see why
someone might think that.
I certainly know how
to command a crowd,
and I've never been one to
shy away from a good fight.
- I don't think it's such a bad
idea for someone else to run.
A little healthy competition
never hurt anyone.
- Yeah, a real election
race could be fun!
- Absolutely, I mean, I
wouldn't want anyone
to think that I was
just stepping into this,
you know, because of Roland.
Yeah, I mean, if
any of you townies
wanna put your
name on the ballot,
I think that's
just a great idea.
- That's the spirit.
If Jocelyn can
do it, anyone can.
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Places!
Don't you think?
- Hmm... On a scale of one
to I'm-gonna-get-beat-up
by-an-angry-local,
where do we see this look fall?
- Um, like, easy six.
- Okay.
- Where are you going?
- I am going to a sketchy
bar on the outskirts of town.
- And nobody invited me?!
You know how at home
I am at sketchy bars!
Who are you going with?
- With Stevie, we're
gonna meet some randoms.
So um, when I go missing,
just feel free to tell people
that the last place I was seen
was at a sketchy bar on the
outskirts of town meeting randoms.
- Okay well, this
isn't fair, David.
I'm the one who should be at a
sketchy bar meeting randoms.
I'm the one who
should go missing!
- Well then, come!
- I can't.
- Why?
- Well, for one thing,
this mask doesn't come off
for another twenty minutes.
- You look beautiful.
- Thank you.
And... second, I told
myself that I would enjoy
my own company tonight.
- Okay um, well,
we're going to a bar,
and you're on the rebound,
so text me when you're dressed.
- I'm serious, David,
I'm not coming.
Have fun, though.
Oh, and in case you
wake up in a chair
with your hands
duct taped together,
you can snap the duct tape
by just raising your
hands over your head,
and then bringing
them down really hard.
- Thanks. Um... see you there?
I'm not coming.
- I'm not coming.
- Hi, Moira. How was rehearsal?
- It was quite an afternoon.
Oh John, thank you.
- Listen, I just
wanted to thank you
for what you said this morning.
- And what's that?
- When we had our little talk
about me running for council.
I have to admit I'd given
it a little more thought
than I'd let on.
- Oh?
- Yes.
I actually picked up
a nomination form.
- Really John, I didn't realize.
- No, no, no, I'm glad
you talked me out of it.
- Okay.
- Yeah, because I thought
about the job,
what it would entail,
and you know, listen,
Roland drives me crazy
when he's not even around,
but can you imagine?
- No!
- Working with him every day?
- Huh! I'm laughing
about it right now.
Did you know Jocelyn is running?
- No, oh my God! This
gets better and better.
So the two of them
on council together?
- Is there a more
frightening thought?
They would have a virtual
monopoly on this town.
- Well, don't they already?
- Exactly, I think someone
needs to challenge them!
- Right!
So... what are you saying?
That I should run?
- No. Nope.
- Because I did
get five signatures
on my nomination form, and I...
- No! No, no, no, John, you've
got enough on your plate.
- Oh.
- Whereas I...
have nothing but free time.
- I'm not exactly sure
where this is going.
- John, you have the
family to think about.
You're going to accomplish
wonderfully big things.
Town council would
just hold you back.
- But something
tells me it will not be...
holding you back?
- It would be a few
weeks of my time.
And you know, someone said
it might be a nice project for me.
- And would that someone be you?
- Jocelyn practically
begged me to take the bait!
- So you're
running for council?!
- Looks like it.
- Oh well, isn't that
wonderful!
Isn't that wonderful!
Hey, that's really good news.
- I'm sorry, John, I
just got swept up in it.
- No, no, listen as long as
one of us is running, okay?
That's the important thing.
It doesn't matter which
one of us is running.
I thought it would be me,
but then you talked me
out of it! But that's okay!
- Please John, I'm going to
need you every step of the way.
- And I'll be right
behind you Moira,
supporting you, because...
you're the one
running, and I'm not!
- How long are we
going to be doing this?
- Oh, just a few more
minutes, at least.
- It's not usually this dead.
It's like everybody saw
you coming, and left.
- Is this really what
our lives have become?
Sitting in some sad...
bar waiting to get laid?
- Well it's this,
or the internet.
- Oh, I did have
a match earlier.
Um who is... 79 miles away.
- Well, if you
start walking now,
you'll get there
before breakfast.
- Alexis is supposed
to be meeting us here.
She said she wasn't
coming, but this is a bar,
and she is single, so.
- Well, you should warn her
that we are the only people
here under sixty.
- Yeah, it's not... not
brimming with options.
- No.
♪♪
- Nope.
- No!
- No, it didn't feel right.
- No, it didn't.
- Well, at least we tried.
- I agree.
Oh, uh, I notice that
man is no longer sleeping
under the pool table.
- Well, I'm surprisingly
good at pool.
So...
- Hmm!
Wait a second, is this
like a reverse hustle,
where you say you're good,
but you're actually terrible?
- Um, I don't know.
- Do you wanna break?
- Um, from what?
- Oh, this is gonna be fun.
Don't, David.
I have nowhere
else to put stuff.