Schitt's Creek (2015–…): Season 1, Episode 12 - Surprise Party - full transcript
Moira's birthday is fast approaching and Johnny wants to hold a surprise party for her. He initially doesn't get much assistance in organizing the party from either David or Alexis, the latter who doesn't even want to attend as she and Ted were planning on a romantic getaway in Chicago the day of the party since Ted has to attend a convention there anyway. As such, Johnny decides to enlist Roland and Jocelyn's help in the party masquerading as a black tie fundraiser that Jocelyn is organizing. But one problem with the plan arises after another, the most difficult to overcome being Moira, a born events planner, wanting to take control of the event, threatening not to attend if she doesn't get her way. Meanwhile, Stevie is still struggling with dealing with what it means to be friends with David. And Alexis, who is eventually convinced by Ted to stay for the party while he goes to Chicago alone, may see it as her opportunity to get closer to a now single Mutt in a romantic setting.
Nope. Nope.
- Huh?
- N... Nope. Nope.
No. No. No.
Kids, just came in to remind
you to keep Saturday open.
What's Saturday?
What's Saturday? It's
your mother's birthday.
No... her birthday is
the second weekend in May.
That's mother's day, honey.
- I don't think so.
- I just don't think that
this is the year to be doing something big.
Oh, why? Because we're here, in this town?
All the more reason to do something.
Um... I actually agree with David.
Um... plus, I'm gonna be
in Chicago this weekend.
- You're what?
- Ted's taking me.
We've been planning this
for a super long time, so.
Well, can I come?
- No.
- Okay, here's a newsflash
for both of you. You're not going anywhere
and we're planning a surprise
party for your mother.
No. That's not... That's not a good idea.
That's not a good idea?
Where would you even throw a
party like that in this town?
I don't know. I haven't
thought that through yet.
Maybe Roland's house.
Listen to the words
coming out of your mouth.
Then you plan it.
- What? No!
- Oh, snap, David!
Talk to the hand, son, because
the ears are no longer working.
- Oh my God.
- 'Kay, that's not at all how that works, so...
Cancel your trip, Alexis,
because the travel agent
is out of the office.
It's so uncomfortable when
he does stuff like that.
- No. Absolutely not.
- I feel so weird about it.
- Synced the_foe for his Misia :)
And on Saturday, we have the afternoon off,
so I booked us... a Chicago's
best deep dish pizza tour.
Oh my God.
Well, that's probably gonna have to change,
but what else did you book for us?
Uh, well, we're staying at the Clarendon
Executive Suites and apartments downtown.
- Oh my God.
- Got upgraded.
Does that mean room service?!
- Yeah.
- Babe!
- Hi!
- Hey.
Had an idea for mom's
stupid surprise party thing.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- What if we told her that it was a fund-raiser?
- She'd have to say yes, right?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 'Cause she'd have to come then, right?
- Totally, totally, yeah.
- She loves the fundraisers and...
- She loves them.
Wait. When's the big party?
Oh, it's this... Saturday.
Alexis, did you not tell Ted
about your change of plans?
David, I told you that I couldn't come...
- It's this Saturday?
- To that.
Yeah. But, David, I did tell you that I...
Won't be able to attend, so...
Well, Lex, I mean...
You can't miss your own
mother's surprise party.
I am with... I'm with Ted on this one.
But, babe, you're going to...
A veterinary conference in a Chicago suburb
and I think that's... that's
really important for us.
Yeah, I know. Here's just
the thing about our mom:
She'll be really devastated
if Alexis doesn't come,
and I'm sure you're from
a really solid home and...
- David...
- Understand.
I'm gonna slap you in the face.
Um... but babe, what about the um...
The travelling pizza tour that was so...
yeah, and I'm also gonna need
you to ask Mutt for the barn
'cause I'm thinking of heading in that
sort of aesthetic direction for the party.
Um, and I know that you guys have
a close working relationship, so...
No. No.
Sweetie, there will be other conferences.
I really think that you
need to be here for this.
Me too.
David, you and mom literally ruin my life.
Roland!
Hey! Johnny Rose!
How are you?
- I'm good!
- Good.
- Listen. Need a big favour.
- Sure.
Saturday is Moira's birthday
and we want to throw her a surprise party.
- Oh!
- So, we need an excuse to get
her all dressed up and out of the house.
Well, dinner at our place. Problem solved.
Well... tempting,
but it's gotta be something
fancy and, uh, elegant.
You know, black tie.
So we're thinking maybe Jocelyn is throwing
her "annual charity fundraiser."
She hasn't mentioned
anything to me about it.
Why would she mention it?
Well, Johnny, uh...
If she's planning a fundraiser,
I think Jocelyn would mention
something about it to her husband.
It's not a real fundraiser, Roland.
It's just a pretend fundraiser
to get Moira out of the house.
You see, I... I could
tell her about it myself,
but she would catch on because it
falls on the same night as her birthday,
so she's gotta hear about the fundraiser
from someone who doesn't
know it's her birthday.
Okay, so then you want me to
find somebody who doesn't know.
No. I want you to tell her.
But that doesn't make any sense.
I know it's her birthday.
You only know it's her birthday because
I just told you it's her birthday.
Moira doesn't know you
know it's her birthday.
- Roland I won't tell her.
- Why would you tell her?
I won't tell her is what I'm saying to you.
I won't tell her, so don't worry about it.
Okay, but now I am worried.
I am worried... now.
Look, I'm taking Moira out for coffees.
We're going up to the
caf?, okay, this afternoon.
And that would be a great
time for you to stop by
and drop the information
about the fundraiser.
Tell me you understand the plan.
Yes, Johnny, I understand the plan!
Jeez! And I don't appreciate
being talked to like a child!
Okay, I'm sorry. Roland...
- Well, I'm sorry. It's a little demeaning.
- Look, I'm sorry.
It's just so important.
This is really important.
I wanna make sure you understand the plan.
Okay! I understand, all right?
- Okay.
- I just think it's awfully short notice
to start planning a fundraiser.
There is no fundraiser!
- Right. No fundraiser.
- It's pretend!
Pretend. It's fun time.
So I... am gonna need a lift to Elmdale.
What does it look like I'm doing?
I don't know, nothing?
I'm working.
- Oh, you are?
- Yes. I have a job
that I just can't leave
to drive you to Elmdale.
Okay... yeah, and I totally respect that.
It's just that I found a
Ganache Torte in Elmdale
and I really need to pick it up
before my mom's birthday thing, so...
I work until six.
Okay, but like is anyone
checking in this afternoon?
- It's a cake.
- It's a torte!
Um... is there something going on?
You could always just hitch-hike?
And wake up chained to a
pole in a trucker's basement?
- Not today.
- Well, I'm working... At my job,
so I can't just up and
leave because you want cake.
Okay. Well, when you put it like that,
it makes me sound ridiculous...
Um... which I'm not.
So... thank you...
For your services this afternoon.
Hey! Hey... sorry I'm late, Johnny.
Had a little memorizing... To do.
Late for... late for what, Roland?
- I don't know what you mean?
- For Jocelyn's big shindig.
I'm here to personally
invite the two of you
to, um, a um... annual,
um, elegant dress-up event
that Jocelyn is hosting.
Um... well, no, I'm not inviting you,
but I'm saying we're...
We'll see each other there...
At the very big event
that Jocelyn is hosting.
The whole town will go to this event.
They'll all be dressed up and um...
Did I... did I say that it's a fundraiser?
Oh, sorry, Johnny. Let me start over here.
Why are you apologizing to me?
You don't have to apologize to me.
No, no. It's a fundraiser
for the thing with the...
Children that...
The-with the mouth... Uh, cleft palates,
and um... Joc' does it every year...
well, uh, Roland, you know what?
We're-we're... Probably just gonna be
hanging around the...
motel on Saturday, you know.
Yeah, no, I'm sure. It's uh...
Hard to look at those kids
and all that, I get it.
But you know what? We'll dress them up too.
Put us down for four tickets.
Really. Oh yes, it's the least we can do
to support Jocelyn's
philanthropic endeavours.
Oh! Okay.
Well, I'm sure Jocelyn
would really appreciate it.
Well, listen, thank you, Roland, for that.
You're welcome.
I think that went well!
Okay, thank you.
Okay. So I guess I'll
see you soon then, Johnny.
Yeah... bye-bye.
Yes, goodbye, Johnny.
Oh, sorry!
Ugh! Could you be going any faster?
Well, we should put that up quick.
Um... so we're planning
this surprise for my mom
that's totally not gonna work
and I'm supposed to ask you
if we can borrow your barn.
But if you can't take the
night off from bedding women,
I totally... understand.
Well, who says I can't do both?
You had a bug in your hair.
Oh. Ew!
- Jocelyn!
- Moira, hi!
Jocelyn, I'm so glad I've run into you.
Roland was mentioning your
fundraiser earlier today
and it got me thinking...
My what?
Your annual fundraiser for the
children with troubled mouths.
Oh, right. Yes. It's
gonna be q-quite a night.
I hope so, 'cause I'd like to be involved.
- With... ?
- Your fundraiser.
As I'm sure you know, I was on the board
of some of the most
profitable not-profits,
from San Francisco to London.
And after speaking with Roland,
I realized I was remiss not to gift you
with my wealth of experience.
Wow! That's very generous of you, Moira.
I was gonna ask you, but
I didn't wanna impose.
Jocelyn, you must stop
being intimidated by me.
It's unnerving.
- Sorry.
- No, it's fine. Just say thank you.
- Thank you?
- There you go! My pleasure!
Oh,!
What do you mean, you didn't get the cake?
The only Chocolate Ganache cake
I could find, was in Elmdale,
and I asked Stevie to
drive me but she said no
because I think she's going through
something right now. Moira: David!
I don't know. Something with her body.
David, I need you.
I was speaking to Jocelyn about this
fundraiser she's apparently organizing...
Whoa-whoa, you-you
were talking to Jocelyn?
Yes, about the fundraiser,
and the poor thing
looked like a deer
caught in the headlights.
And I cannot stand by and watch this woman
drive a perfectly worthy
cause into the ground.
So, David, you and I...
We're gonna help her.
Okay.
I asked you to get her
invited to the fundraiser,
not involved in the fundraiser.
The fundraiser was your idea!
You didn't think your
mother would get involved
in planning a fundraiser?
My God, she had Hilary shaking last year
at the Clinton foundation dinner.
God! Roland. Roland. Stupid Roland.
Roland?! How did Roland
get involved in this?
I got him involved, it
was a bad mistake, okay?
But look, it'll be fine.
I will get the cake with your sister.
All you've gotta do is keep
your mother under control.
The North Korean army could
not keep my mother under control
when it comes to event planning.
What? Huh? Oh!
How long was I sleeping?
I dunno, like forty-five maybe.
Oh?
Where are we?
Um, we're almost there.
The last sign I saw said
"exit Elmdale," so...
I haven't seen it yet, but...
We should be getting there soon.
The last sign said "exit Elmdale?"
Mm-hmm.
Well, that was the exit to Elmdale.
We've gone too far, we've gotta turn back!
- But you were sleeping!
- Well, wake me up!
No! Because you're so
grumpy when you wake-
like you're grumpy right now.
Well, Moira, in regards to the decorations,
David was kind enough to offer me
an incredibly long list of
the things to stay away from.
Darling, one does not
just stick a red nose on it
and call it an event.
There is an order to these things.
Okay, here we go.
Again, what is the
organization that it's for?
- The surgeons...
- Uh... the doctors who un-cleft the mouths.
Never heard of it.
And who are the trustees?
I don't think they're gonna come.
Oh, how very churlish of
them. How much are tickets?
Um... free?
We haven't figured out
the ticket price yet.
I'm not paying for this thing.
Oh my God! Do you people know
what the word fundraising means?
Why don't you leave that up to us.
Jocelyn, I need your
timeline and your checklist.
Your plan book.
Well, we have a plan.
It's just we haven't...
You know, we're just, we're still working-
Listen, Jocelyn is doing
the best that she can...
Considering what little
Jocelyn has to work with.
David, personal comments are in bad taste.
Okay, I'm trying to make
sense of these flowers.
What is wrong with the flowers?
They're seasonal and they... Tie
in all of the other design elements
that Jocelyn has come up with.
David, I'm sorry, but
it's coup d'etat time.
If we don't force Jocelyn
to step down this moment,
I don't know how we're
gonna pull of this nightmare.
Why don't you just sit this one out then?
And you are?
So... David?
I see.
Clearly you don't need the help of the most
prominent philanthropist in the country.
No.
Fine. I wish you all the best.
No, seriously, I might leave.
Okay, last warning. In three... two...
Oh my God.
Well, I think she is gonna
be really surprised...
don't you?
Nine ninety-nine.
And I'm telling you, you can't go wrong.
You go into a jewellery store,
you're gonna spend thousands.
We have made it so simple...
Oh, David, I don't know how you
don't go mad with those people.
Well, those people are...
Putting a lot of energy into
raising money for those kids.
Jump ship. Save yourself.
Okay, I'm gonna ask you to put
some pieces together here for me.
We are throwing a "fundraiser"
that just so happens to be on
the same night as your birthday.
Must you rub it in?
We're throwing a
"fundraiser" on your birthday.
Now you're just being cruel.
The fundraiser isn't real.
It's not a real thing.
Oh... you're planning a birthday thing...
- Mm-hmm. - That I'm not
supposed to know about.
Mm-mm.
In a barn?
We can't afford the candles. They're $2.49.
They don't just come with the cake?
No, apparently not.
Like matches when you buy cigarettes?
- You smoke?
- Um... no.
Can't we just ask them to give them to us?
This is not some co-op commune, Alexis.
You know, if there's a price
tag on it, you gotta pay for it.
Not if you just... take them.
Well, that would be low
bottom behavior, wouldn't it?
Okay, well, how do you
think I got these glasses
from the gas station?
You stole sunglasses?!
Yeah! It's a gas station.
Oh my God, I raised a
thief. Go wait in the car!
Wait in the car while I pay for this.
Ugh!
- Hi.
- Hi. Johnny Rose.
I ordered a birthday cake.
Yeah, Chocolate Ganache?
That's right.
Boy, it smells uh...
So delicious in here.
Whoa! Thank you.
There we go, my dear.
Wait, wait, wait. One last check.
Gorgeous. Perfection.
Like your father the day I married him.
Look at us, the Roses,
attending this town's most
illustrious fundraising gala.
I think you're overselling it just a bit.
Well, I don't see any
stragglers, so shall we go in?
I think we're fashionably late enough.
There's nothing
fashionable about this, but-
after you, my dear.
Where are all the patrons?
Well, I don't know. Do
we have the wrong night?
Surprise!
What?! There's no fundraiser?!
You're just here to celebrate me?
Oh, never in the history of surprises
has one been so delightfully blindsided.
- Darling...
- Oh...
Okay, who told her?
- Oh, hi.
- So your party's a big success.
Congratulations.
- Yeah, thank you.
- Your mom sure seemed surprised.
Yeah, my mom was... Very surprised.
And you got your cake.
Yeah, remember this cake? I'd
asked you to... Help me get it.
Yeah, so... I need to apologize
for my behavior earlier.
I think it's just that this whole-
it's that lady time, huh?
- Friend thing...
- Oh.
Is proving to be a bit tricky
and I think that in
building that barrier up,
I may have... built it a little high.
Okay. Um... well, if
the barrier's come down,
can two friends dance? Is that okay?
Uh... I normally only slow
dance with strangers, at bars...
- Right.
- After I've had a few...
Uh-huh.
But um... I can make an exception.
Okay.
- Let's dance.
- Okay.
Hey!
Um... you look really... Amazing.
Well, I didn't wanna be the
only one not wearing a suit.
Um, did you have to kill
a man to get it, or... ?
I did.
It took me a couple to find one in my size.
But um... you clean up well.
Ugh! Barely.
I wore this thing to prom
like a thousand years ago,
but... it did bring me
some luck that night,
so I wore it here tonight.
You were planning on getting lucky tonight?
So um... where is Ted?
Um... he is at um...
Like a... a conference or
something tonight, so...
Do you wanna dance?
Yes... I do.
Alexis!
- Ted?!
- Hey!
What're you doing here?
Well, I had someone take my last seminar.
I didn't wanna miss this.
- Hey, man.
- Hey.
Come on, let's dance.
Great suit, bud.
Thanks.
Killed somebody for it.
Oh, I love my party, John.
But please don't ever do it again.
Well, the surprise was on me
'cause this town cleaned
itself up pretty well.
What?
corrected by ChrisKe
- Huh?
- N... Nope. Nope.
No. No. No.
Kids, just came in to remind
you to keep Saturday open.
What's Saturday?
What's Saturday? It's
your mother's birthday.
No... her birthday is
the second weekend in May.
That's mother's day, honey.
- I don't think so.
- I just don't think that
this is the year to be doing something big.
Oh, why? Because we're here, in this town?
All the more reason to do something.
Um... I actually agree with David.
Um... plus, I'm gonna be
in Chicago this weekend.
- You're what?
- Ted's taking me.
We've been planning this
for a super long time, so.
Well, can I come?
- No.
- Okay, here's a newsflash
for both of you. You're not going anywhere
and we're planning a surprise
party for your mother.
No. That's not... That's not a good idea.
That's not a good idea?
Where would you even throw a
party like that in this town?
I don't know. I haven't
thought that through yet.
Maybe Roland's house.
Listen to the words
coming out of your mouth.
Then you plan it.
- What? No!
- Oh, snap, David!
Talk to the hand, son, because
the ears are no longer working.
- Oh my God.
- 'Kay, that's not at all how that works, so...
Cancel your trip, Alexis,
because the travel agent
is out of the office.
It's so uncomfortable when
he does stuff like that.
- No. Absolutely not.
- I feel so weird about it.
- Synced the_foe for his Misia :)
And on Saturday, we have the afternoon off,
so I booked us... a Chicago's
best deep dish pizza tour.
Oh my God.
Well, that's probably gonna have to change,
but what else did you book for us?
Uh, well, we're staying at the Clarendon
Executive Suites and apartments downtown.
- Oh my God.
- Got upgraded.
Does that mean room service?!
- Yeah.
- Babe!
- Hi!
- Hey.
Had an idea for mom's
stupid surprise party thing.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- What if we told her that it was a fund-raiser?
- She'd have to say yes, right?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 'Cause she'd have to come then, right?
- Totally, totally, yeah.
- She loves the fundraisers and...
- She loves them.
Wait. When's the big party?
Oh, it's this... Saturday.
Alexis, did you not tell Ted
about your change of plans?
David, I told you that I couldn't come...
- It's this Saturday?
- To that.
Yeah. But, David, I did tell you that I...
Won't be able to attend, so...
Well, Lex, I mean...
You can't miss your own
mother's surprise party.
I am with... I'm with Ted on this one.
But, babe, you're going to...
A veterinary conference in a Chicago suburb
and I think that's... that's
really important for us.
Yeah, I know. Here's just
the thing about our mom:
She'll be really devastated
if Alexis doesn't come,
and I'm sure you're from
a really solid home and...
- David...
- Understand.
I'm gonna slap you in the face.
Um... but babe, what about the um...
The travelling pizza tour that was so...
yeah, and I'm also gonna need
you to ask Mutt for the barn
'cause I'm thinking of heading in that
sort of aesthetic direction for the party.
Um, and I know that you guys have
a close working relationship, so...
No. No.
Sweetie, there will be other conferences.
I really think that you
need to be here for this.
Me too.
David, you and mom literally ruin my life.
Roland!
Hey! Johnny Rose!
How are you?
- I'm good!
- Good.
- Listen. Need a big favour.
- Sure.
Saturday is Moira's birthday
and we want to throw her a surprise party.
- Oh!
- So, we need an excuse to get
her all dressed up and out of the house.
Well, dinner at our place. Problem solved.
Well... tempting,
but it's gotta be something
fancy and, uh, elegant.
You know, black tie.
So we're thinking maybe Jocelyn is throwing
her "annual charity fundraiser."
She hasn't mentioned
anything to me about it.
Why would she mention it?
Well, Johnny, uh...
If she's planning a fundraiser,
I think Jocelyn would mention
something about it to her husband.
It's not a real fundraiser, Roland.
It's just a pretend fundraiser
to get Moira out of the house.
You see, I... I could
tell her about it myself,
but she would catch on because it
falls on the same night as her birthday,
so she's gotta hear about the fundraiser
from someone who doesn't
know it's her birthday.
Okay, so then you want me to
find somebody who doesn't know.
No. I want you to tell her.
But that doesn't make any sense.
I know it's her birthday.
You only know it's her birthday because
I just told you it's her birthday.
Moira doesn't know you
know it's her birthday.
- Roland I won't tell her.
- Why would you tell her?
I won't tell her is what I'm saying to you.
I won't tell her, so don't worry about it.
Okay, but now I am worried.
I am worried... now.
Look, I'm taking Moira out for coffees.
We're going up to the
caf?, okay, this afternoon.
And that would be a great
time for you to stop by
and drop the information
about the fundraiser.
Tell me you understand the plan.
Yes, Johnny, I understand the plan!
Jeez! And I don't appreciate
being talked to like a child!
Okay, I'm sorry. Roland...
- Well, I'm sorry. It's a little demeaning.
- Look, I'm sorry.
It's just so important.
This is really important.
I wanna make sure you understand the plan.
Okay! I understand, all right?
- Okay.
- I just think it's awfully short notice
to start planning a fundraiser.
There is no fundraiser!
- Right. No fundraiser.
- It's pretend!
Pretend. It's fun time.
So I... am gonna need a lift to Elmdale.
What does it look like I'm doing?
I don't know, nothing?
I'm working.
- Oh, you are?
- Yes. I have a job
that I just can't leave
to drive you to Elmdale.
Okay... yeah, and I totally respect that.
It's just that I found a
Ganache Torte in Elmdale
and I really need to pick it up
before my mom's birthday thing, so...
I work until six.
Okay, but like is anyone
checking in this afternoon?
- It's a cake.
- It's a torte!
Um... is there something going on?
You could always just hitch-hike?
And wake up chained to a
pole in a trucker's basement?
- Not today.
- Well, I'm working... At my job,
so I can't just up and
leave because you want cake.
Okay. Well, when you put it like that,
it makes me sound ridiculous...
Um... which I'm not.
So... thank you...
For your services this afternoon.
Hey! Hey... sorry I'm late, Johnny.
Had a little memorizing... To do.
Late for... late for what, Roland?
- I don't know what you mean?
- For Jocelyn's big shindig.
I'm here to personally
invite the two of you
to, um, a um... annual,
um, elegant dress-up event
that Jocelyn is hosting.
Um... well, no, I'm not inviting you,
but I'm saying we're...
We'll see each other there...
At the very big event
that Jocelyn is hosting.
The whole town will go to this event.
They'll all be dressed up and um...
Did I... did I say that it's a fundraiser?
Oh, sorry, Johnny. Let me start over here.
Why are you apologizing to me?
You don't have to apologize to me.
No, no. It's a fundraiser
for the thing with the...
Children that...
The-with the mouth... Uh, cleft palates,
and um... Joc' does it every year...
well, uh, Roland, you know what?
We're-we're... Probably just gonna be
hanging around the...
motel on Saturday, you know.
Yeah, no, I'm sure. It's uh...
Hard to look at those kids
and all that, I get it.
But you know what? We'll dress them up too.
Put us down for four tickets.
Really. Oh yes, it's the least we can do
to support Jocelyn's
philanthropic endeavours.
Oh! Okay.
Well, I'm sure Jocelyn
would really appreciate it.
Well, listen, thank you, Roland, for that.
You're welcome.
I think that went well!
Okay, thank you.
Okay. So I guess I'll
see you soon then, Johnny.
Yeah... bye-bye.
Yes, goodbye, Johnny.
Oh, sorry!
Ugh! Could you be going any faster?
Well, we should put that up quick.
Um... so we're planning
this surprise for my mom
that's totally not gonna work
and I'm supposed to ask you
if we can borrow your barn.
But if you can't take the
night off from bedding women,
I totally... understand.
Well, who says I can't do both?
You had a bug in your hair.
Oh. Ew!
- Jocelyn!
- Moira, hi!
Jocelyn, I'm so glad I've run into you.
Roland was mentioning your
fundraiser earlier today
and it got me thinking...
My what?
Your annual fundraiser for the
children with troubled mouths.
Oh, right. Yes. It's
gonna be q-quite a night.
I hope so, 'cause I'd like to be involved.
- With... ?
- Your fundraiser.
As I'm sure you know, I was on the board
of some of the most
profitable not-profits,
from San Francisco to London.
And after speaking with Roland,
I realized I was remiss not to gift you
with my wealth of experience.
Wow! That's very generous of you, Moira.
I was gonna ask you, but
I didn't wanna impose.
Jocelyn, you must stop
being intimidated by me.
It's unnerving.
- Sorry.
- No, it's fine. Just say thank you.
- Thank you?
- There you go! My pleasure!
Oh,!
What do you mean, you didn't get the cake?
The only Chocolate Ganache cake
I could find, was in Elmdale,
and I asked Stevie to
drive me but she said no
because I think she's going through
something right now. Moira: David!
I don't know. Something with her body.
David, I need you.
I was speaking to Jocelyn about this
fundraiser she's apparently organizing...
Whoa-whoa, you-you
were talking to Jocelyn?
Yes, about the fundraiser,
and the poor thing
looked like a deer
caught in the headlights.
And I cannot stand by and watch this woman
drive a perfectly worthy
cause into the ground.
So, David, you and I...
We're gonna help her.
Okay.
I asked you to get her
invited to the fundraiser,
not involved in the fundraiser.
The fundraiser was your idea!
You didn't think your
mother would get involved
in planning a fundraiser?
My God, she had Hilary shaking last year
at the Clinton foundation dinner.
God! Roland. Roland. Stupid Roland.
Roland?! How did Roland
get involved in this?
I got him involved, it
was a bad mistake, okay?
But look, it'll be fine.
I will get the cake with your sister.
All you've gotta do is keep
your mother under control.
The North Korean army could
not keep my mother under control
when it comes to event planning.
What? Huh? Oh!
How long was I sleeping?
I dunno, like forty-five maybe.
Oh?
Where are we?
Um, we're almost there.
The last sign I saw said
"exit Elmdale," so...
I haven't seen it yet, but...
We should be getting there soon.
The last sign said "exit Elmdale?"
Mm-hmm.
Well, that was the exit to Elmdale.
We've gone too far, we've gotta turn back!
- But you were sleeping!
- Well, wake me up!
No! Because you're so
grumpy when you wake-
like you're grumpy right now.
Well, Moira, in regards to the decorations,
David was kind enough to offer me
an incredibly long list of
the things to stay away from.
Darling, one does not
just stick a red nose on it
and call it an event.
There is an order to these things.
Okay, here we go.
Again, what is the
organization that it's for?
- The surgeons...
- Uh... the doctors who un-cleft the mouths.
Never heard of it.
And who are the trustees?
I don't think they're gonna come.
Oh, how very churlish of
them. How much are tickets?
Um... free?
We haven't figured out
the ticket price yet.
I'm not paying for this thing.
Oh my God! Do you people know
what the word fundraising means?
Why don't you leave that up to us.
Jocelyn, I need your
timeline and your checklist.
Your plan book.
Well, we have a plan.
It's just we haven't...
You know, we're just, we're still working-
Listen, Jocelyn is doing
the best that she can...
Considering what little
Jocelyn has to work with.
David, personal comments are in bad taste.
Okay, I'm trying to make
sense of these flowers.
What is wrong with the flowers?
They're seasonal and they... Tie
in all of the other design elements
that Jocelyn has come up with.
David, I'm sorry, but
it's coup d'etat time.
If we don't force Jocelyn
to step down this moment,
I don't know how we're
gonna pull of this nightmare.
Why don't you just sit this one out then?
And you are?
So... David?
I see.
Clearly you don't need the help of the most
prominent philanthropist in the country.
No.
Fine. I wish you all the best.
No, seriously, I might leave.
Okay, last warning. In three... two...
Oh my God.
Well, I think she is gonna
be really surprised...
don't you?
Nine ninety-nine.
And I'm telling you, you can't go wrong.
You go into a jewellery store,
you're gonna spend thousands.
We have made it so simple...
Oh, David, I don't know how you
don't go mad with those people.
Well, those people are...
Putting a lot of energy into
raising money for those kids.
Jump ship. Save yourself.
Okay, I'm gonna ask you to put
some pieces together here for me.
We are throwing a "fundraiser"
that just so happens to be on
the same night as your birthday.
Must you rub it in?
We're throwing a
"fundraiser" on your birthday.
Now you're just being cruel.
The fundraiser isn't real.
It's not a real thing.
Oh... you're planning a birthday thing...
- Mm-hmm. - That I'm not
supposed to know about.
Mm-mm.
In a barn?
We can't afford the candles. They're $2.49.
They don't just come with the cake?
No, apparently not.
Like matches when you buy cigarettes?
- You smoke?
- Um... no.
Can't we just ask them to give them to us?
This is not some co-op commune, Alexis.
You know, if there's a price
tag on it, you gotta pay for it.
Not if you just... take them.
Well, that would be low
bottom behavior, wouldn't it?
Okay, well, how do you
think I got these glasses
from the gas station?
You stole sunglasses?!
Yeah! It's a gas station.
Oh my God, I raised a
thief. Go wait in the car!
Wait in the car while I pay for this.
Ugh!
- Hi.
- Hi. Johnny Rose.
I ordered a birthday cake.
Yeah, Chocolate Ganache?
That's right.
Boy, it smells uh...
So delicious in here.
Whoa! Thank you.
There we go, my dear.
Wait, wait, wait. One last check.
Gorgeous. Perfection.
Like your father the day I married him.
Look at us, the Roses,
attending this town's most
illustrious fundraising gala.
I think you're overselling it just a bit.
Well, I don't see any
stragglers, so shall we go in?
I think we're fashionably late enough.
There's nothing
fashionable about this, but-
after you, my dear.
Where are all the patrons?
Well, I don't know. Do
we have the wrong night?
Surprise!
What?! There's no fundraiser?!
You're just here to celebrate me?
Oh, never in the history of surprises
has one been so delightfully blindsided.
- Darling...
- Oh...
Okay, who told her?
- Oh, hi.
- So your party's a big success.
Congratulations.
- Yeah, thank you.
- Your mom sure seemed surprised.
Yeah, my mom was... Very surprised.
And you got your cake.
Yeah, remember this cake? I'd
asked you to... Help me get it.
Yeah, so... I need to apologize
for my behavior earlier.
I think it's just that this whole-
it's that lady time, huh?
- Friend thing...
- Oh.
Is proving to be a bit tricky
and I think that in
building that barrier up,
I may have... built it a little high.
Okay. Um... well, if
the barrier's come down,
can two friends dance? Is that okay?
Uh... I normally only slow
dance with strangers, at bars...
- Right.
- After I've had a few...
Uh-huh.
But um... I can make an exception.
Okay.
- Let's dance.
- Okay.
Hey!
Um... you look really... Amazing.
Well, I didn't wanna be the
only one not wearing a suit.
Um, did you have to kill
a man to get it, or... ?
I did.
It took me a couple to find one in my size.
But um... you clean up well.
Ugh! Barely.
I wore this thing to prom
like a thousand years ago,
but... it did bring me
some luck that night,
so I wore it here tonight.
You were planning on getting lucky tonight?
So um... where is Ted?
Um... he is at um...
Like a... a conference or
something tonight, so...
Do you wanna dance?
Yes... I do.
Alexis!
- Ted?!
- Hey!
What're you doing here?
Well, I had someone take my last seminar.
I didn't wanna miss this.
- Hey, man.
- Hey.
Come on, let's dance.
Great suit, bud.
Thanks.
Killed somebody for it.
Oh, I love my party, John.
But please don't ever do it again.
Well, the surprise was on me
'cause this town cleaned
itself up pretty well.
What?
corrected by ChrisKe