Scarecrow and Mrs. King (1983–1987): Season 3, Episode 1 - A Lovely Little Affair - full transcript
Amanda is assigned to the surveillance of an art treasurer whose sister has been recently kidnapped.
Flight 333 nonstop to
Dallas now boarding...
Okay, that's it. Don't do that.
Oh, Mother.
- What have you got?
- O-W-N-A-I-R. I'm out.
What? DOTTY: "Ownhair."
- That's not a word.
- I can use that in a sentence.
"The handsome man
is not wearing a wig...
he is wearing his 'ownhair.'"
- Mother, that's not a word.
- Yes, it is.
It's not.
- Did you understand the sentence?
- That doesn't matter.
- It's not a word.
- That's what we need.
Someone handsome who can fix the
sink, barbecue and has his own hair.
- Oh, Mother.
- Ha, ha.
Out of the woodwork, he will
just come out of the woodwork.
Shh.
He'll be gentle and
wonderful and have a good job.
- Mm-hm. Oh.
- Okay. Dotty, 206. Good.
Amanda, 190.
Well, looks like the little lady
didn't feel like cooking again tonight.
Here, I'll take that.
Yeah, Chinese last
night, pizza tonight.
The way things are going, it'll
be chicken-on-a-stick tomorrow.
Here you go. Keep
the change, yeah.
- Thanks, Mr. King. Good night.
- You got it.
Sweetheart, those
G's are looking good.
They're supposed to be P's.
The P's are looking great.
Could I please
have some privacy?
Don't worry, nobody wants to
listen to you giggle with Linda Montez.
I got a haircut.
I'll get it. Listen, uh,
you just work on your P's.
- And, uh, don't eavesdrop on your brother.
- All right.
Coming!
- Did you order the large?
- Shh.
I could have been my mother.
Hmm, you have a lot in
common, but I wouldn't go that far.
- I tried to call and finally gave up.
- Oh.
Phillip has a new girlfriend. He's
on the phone. I'm letting him enjoy it.
I see.
So, what was so important?
- Amanda, I need a favor.
- Oh.
- And we'll pay you.
- Okay.
See, the agency oversight committee
begins its annual review tomorrow.
Congressional, they
approve our budget.
Important people. Mm-hm.
Yeah. Always going through
drawers, checking expense accounts...
And you want me to try to
make some sense out of yours.
- Exactly. Can you do it?
- Mm-hm.
Well, I don't
know, but I can try.
Listen, uh, this
pizza's gonna get cold.
I'll come first thing
in the morning.
It doesn't matter, Mr. Melrose
asked me to anyway.
- Okay?
- Amanda, you're a godsend.
No, don't go that far.
I paid the kid a
20 for the pizza.
Oh, you gave him too much.
I'll give you what
help I can, Alan.
- Big job, even so.
- Aren't you starting at the Smithsonian?
No, I think I would like to
start here, Mr. Wellington.
And believe me, preserving
history is not a job...
it is a grand passion.
So, what's the problem?
Well, I'm particularly concerned
about any document over 200 years old.
I'm looking for a dormant
fungus I found in Italy:
Aseculum distalias.
You could have it right here in the
Declaration and not even know it.
Ugh. When it rains, it pours.
I have never seen
the news this long.
Tell me about it. Billy's
got me all over the map.
Swiss bank robbery, a
kidnapping in Rome...
- Mercury retrograde.
- Yeah. Mercury's where?
Retrograde. Difficult
time, astrologically.
Affects everything...
- including your kidnapping in Rome.
- Oh.
Interpol says Red February
terrorists are involved.
Red February? Didn't we
hear they were to have...
some crazy scheme to hit
a monument or something?
Oh, yes, morning
news. Page three.
Like I said, Mercury
retrograde. People get crazy.
Oh, last night I had this
date with a Sagittarius.
Spare me your
horoscopic love-life, huh?
Stetson, Desmond,
I need you two. Now.
The committee
will be here by 11.
The new chairperson,
Representative Faber, is out for blood...
and the keys to the
doors of this agency.
- Now, we had better be prepared.
- Faber?
Oh, no, I've heard about her. Come
on, Billy, get me out of this, huh?
- Come.
- Good morning, everyone.
- Morning. Here's the assignment.
- Oh, yes, sir. Thank you.
Uh, it's light surveillance.
Hands-off stuff.
Oh.
His name is Alan Chamberlain.
He restores art work.
Manuscripts. He's famous.
And he's in D.C. on assignment
to the National Archives.
Yes, sir. Um...
- Why are we watching him?
- He's a top security clearance.
We have to validate it every
time he comes into the U.S.
- Mm-hm. BILLY: Now,
he's staying at the Sherman.
So, Stetson, would you
help Amanda get started?
Then get right back...
because you're on the top
of Representative Faber's list.
Hmm. Mercury is
definitely in retrograde.
Uh, better wear
your tennis shoes.
Chamberlain travels in a little
faster circles than you're used to, heh.
- Thank you so much, Francine.
- Anytime.
Sir.
Alan.
Chamberlain.
You know who this is?
Good. No names.
Now, listen.
We have your sister
here in Washington.
I don't need to tell you, if you
ever want to see her alive again...
you will act as though
her life depended on it.
No, you may not talk her now.
Now, we will be in the capitol rose
garden at precisely 3:00 this afternoon.
You will be contacted there.
That's all.
Sophia.
Pray. Pray.
Pray that your brother knows
how to follow instructions, huh?
- That's Chamberlain.
- Mm-hm.
Tail him and take photos
of everyone he talks to.
Right. Right.
But keep your distance.
- Oh, I will.
Drop your photos off tonight.
Uh-huh.
- Amanda?
- I wonder if that's his own hair.
Just don't get close enough to find out.
- Oh, I won't.
Uh-huh.
Can I help you?
I don't suppose you have a
book of poetry by Emily Dickinson?
Sorry.
That's a pity.
There's a lovely
poem that begins:
If certain, when this life was out
That yours and mine should be
I would toss it yonder like
a rind And taste eternity
- I was about to leave without you.
- Where?
The airport. We just
received a report from MI6.
Red February may have
slipped out of England yesterday.
- Heading toward Dulles.
- Dulles?
Can we get surveillance
tapes from Dulles?
Murray's pulling them.
Uh. Oh, no. Not Murray.
Yeah, Murray.
I don't know. You're like a
couple of bees buzzing around.
- We got rules. We got regulations.
- Murray, if you keep talking...
we're all gonna need hip waders.
Listen, I could get a
10-day suspension for that.
- You'll just have to go through channels.
- Murray, this is an emergency. Cut the...
Hmm, Murray, honey, we go
back, huh? A long way, don't we?
Listen, don't
"Murray, honey" me.
Why don't you work with us on this?
Now, we don't wanna have to call Sontag.
We don't wanna go through that
paperwork and come all the way down again.
Murray, just tell
us what you want.
Anything in the whole
world. Tell Francine.
What you think a
guy like me wants?
What is this?
Wait a minute.
Luciano's in town.
What? MURRAY: At the Kennedy.
Doing Traviata.
Boy, would he like to see
my smiling face look up at him.
From the eighth row. Center.
Two tickets.
What do you say?
Done.
Mr. Chamberlain.
Do not speak. Just listen.
We may be observed.
As I told you, your
sister is safe for now.
We must move quickly.
Nod your head if you've made
the necessary arrangements...
which I asked you to.
Do not fail us.
The telephone will
ring in a moment.
Answer it and do
nothing but listen.
- Hello?
- Alan.
Help me.
Sophia!
Answer me. Are you all right?
Sophia!
Look out!
- Are you all right?
- Yes, fine, tha...
Yes, I just didn't
even see him coming.
- Fortunately, I did.
- Yeah. Thank you.
Uh, well, when one lives in Rome, one
becomes accustomed to, uh, crazy drivers.
Well, I guess you
can use that here too.
Uh, I see you're a tourist too.
- Tourist?
- The camera.
Oh, yes. Oh, I am. I'm a
tourist. I'm here visiting my aunt.
And you are from Rome...
- uh, but you're not Italian.
- I'm an American. I, uh...
My work takes me
abroad frequently.
I'm not here very often.
Unfortunately, this trip
is mostly business. I, uh...
I'm not gonna have
much chance to relax.
- Well, ha, ha.
- Well, yeah.
I better go. I have
lots of pictures to take.
Of course, I understand.
- Well, ciao.
- Ciao.
Yeah.
Um...
Excuse me, miss. I was, uh, wondering,
maybe we could walk for a while and talk.
If you have the time.
Oh, well, I...
Well, maybe we could
have a cup of coffee.
Good idea. It might help us
both recover from that near miss.
One cappuccino.
- Right.
- Okay.
There. The guy in the funny
robes. That's Necci, all right.
Is there any I.D. on the
person in the wheelchair?
No, but we're working on it.
Meanwhile I've initiated
an inter-agency alert.
- So, they're here.
- Mm-hm.
Planning to hit something in
town. The question is, what?
Mr. Stetson. Miss Desmond. I've
been looking everywhere for you.
Um, representatives
Faber, Kildare, and Slauson...
two of our best agents,
Francine Desmond, Lee Stetson.
Stetson.
Code-named Scarecrow. Correct?
Uh, right on the
nose. I'm flattered.
Don't be. Your name's come to my attention
so often, I doubt I'll ever forget it...
or some of your adventures.
Uh, yeah. Um...
Billy, there's been a new development
in the, uh, Red February thing.
- So I'll...
- Put Hutchins on it.
You can show
Representative Faber around.
Representative Faber doesn't
wanna be shown around.
But she'd like to see some
facts and figures. Hard ones.
I'm sure Miss Desmond
can handle my colleagues...
while I finish up
with Mr. Scarecrow.
I'd be delighted to acquaint the
congressmen with logistic analysis...
counter-revolutionary profiles, and
statistical operational procedures.
Shall we, gentlemen?
I'm having lunch brought in for
you and Representative Faber.
Oh, no, Billy. That's... I don't
think that's really necessary.
Well, why waste time? We
have so much ground to cover.
Let's start with your
case reports, Mr. Stetson.
Beginning with your
first day of employment.
Hmm.
So I just never got married.
Hmm.
Didn't seem fair to ask a woman to
share a life of living out of a suitcase.
See, the artist's life is not quite
as romantic as it's cracked up to be.
Oh, I don't know. It doesn't seem so bad.
You travel and well, you love your work.
I do. I do love my work.
It's an uncomplicated kind
of life. At least it should be.
Um, anyway, enough about
me. I'm curious about you.
- You're a tourist from...
- Evanston, Illinois.
And what do you do
in Evanston, Illinois?
I'm a dental hygienist.
It's really pretty boring stuff.
Not really. Not at all.
Well, I know you have lots to do.
I really probably better get going.
No, no.
What I... Actually, see, I'm
not working, uh, until tomorrow.
And I was wondering, maybe we
could have, uh, dinner together?
You know, two
lonely tourists...?
Well, in Europe you like to eat late
and I'm sort of an early eater myself.
- Anytime you like.
- Besides, my aunt has...
something planned
for almost every night...
and I'm sure tonight
would be no exception.
I really wouldn't
wanna disappoint her.
I understand.
But if your aunt leaves you with nothing
to do some evening, please call me.
I'm at the Sherman. Promise?
I really don't think that's
gonna happen, but thank you.
You never know.
- It was nice to meet you.
- It was nice to meet you, Amanda.
- Goodbye.
- Bye.
Details, please, Mr. Stetson.
Not vague generalities.
- I'm trying to remember.
- I just dropped the film off.
Oh, uh, thanks,
Amanda. Any problem?
- Oh, no, everything's just fine.
- Terrific. Terrific.
We're just cross-checking my petty
cash vouchers against Billy's payouts.
- We're up to 1979.
- Oh, would you look at that?
Oh, uh...
Uh, Congresswoman, I really do
have to take this agent's report...
- so if you could spare me for a minute.
- Yes.
Thank you very
much. Very kind of you.
- What is it?
- I made a mess out of everything...
but it wasn't my fault. I
didn't see the skateboard.
If it had hit me, it
would've killed me.
- I broke the camera, but I'll pay...
- Stop!
What are you talking
about? Chamberlain?
We made contact. I'm sorry.
He asked me to take a walk, I
thought I could keep it to a cup of coffee.
Does he know who you work for?
No, no. He thinks I
clean teeth in Illinois.
He asked me to
dinner, but I said no.
- Dinner?
- I'm sorry.
Fabulous.
I thought you told me
to keep my distance.
Yes, I did, but this is perfect. We
couldn't have set it up any better.
Well, I didn't really do all that much.
I mean, he did almost everything.
I just sort of tried to keep my foot out
of my mouth and not make him nervous.
It's textbook.
Look, I've gotta get
back to the dragon-lady.
You go to dinner with him, don't press
him, just keep it light and let him talk.
Okay.
Is he as stuffy as he looks...
you know, head in the
clouds, artistic type?
Dull as a stick.
Good.
I'm thinking about
getting a haircut. Mm-hm.
Maybe a mohawk or
get it all shaved off. Ehh.
Okay. See you.
Beats me. Linda likes bald men.
Hmm. Then she wants Telly Savalas, not
you. Go ahead, sit down, we're gonna eat.
- Hello, everybody.
- Way to go, Mom.
Sweetheart, that is
beautiful. Is that a new dress?
Oh, well, it's, you know...
- Who's your date, Mom?
- I don't have a date, sweetheart.
- It's business.
- That's business?
- Could you get the door for me?
Thank you. PHILIP: Yeah, I will.
Mother, I may be
a little late tonight.
Oh, that's all right.
I'll wait up, ha, ha.
- Hey, Mom, this is for you.
- Oh, thank you.
Look at that. That's
very pretty, isn't it?
Oh, my! Hmm.
Nice business card, dear.
Penny for your thoughts?
- I'm sorry. I'm doing it again.
- No.
I guess I've been
doing it all evening.
Believe me,
Amanda, it's not you.
Being with you tonight
makes it almost bearable.
What? Never mind, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't ask. It's
none of my business.
It's okay.
Let's...
just say that nobody's life is
ever quiet as simple as it seems...
and right now, mine is
the paradigm of that rule.
But, um...
I'm not gonna think
about that until tomorrow.
Because right now, it's perfect.
Heh, it's perfect.
Tonight, I'm gonna put everything
else out of my mind but you...
for as long as possible.
Well, that's a
lovely thing to say.
It's early.
Uh, why don't we go
listen to some music?
That's not what I had in mind.
- I'm sorry. AMANDA:
No, no, don't be.
It's a beautiful night.
Let's, um... Let's walk.
Okay.
Now, about the case involving
a Hungarian trapeze act.
Two sisters, I believe. Twins.
And their mother,
"The Flying Fedorovas."
Precisely. There should
be a receipt in here.
Seven hundred and twenty
rubles for "female undergarments."
- Yeah.
- Explain, please.
Well, you see, she had a...
Scarecrow, here are the proofs
on Mrs. King's surveillance photos.
Oh, great.
- Please.
- Yeah.
Thanks, Tim. Thanks a lot.
There you go.
Excuse me.
The priest is Franco Necci.
The priest is Franco Necci.
Wait a minute, Mr. Stetson.
What about the
ladies' underwear?
A good friend of mine is getting too
close to some pretty scary people...
and she doesn't know it.
So I'll just have to take care of
your underwear problem later.
- Mother.
- Oh!
- It's okay. It's just me. Wake up.
- What time is it?
It's time for you to go to bed.
You're gonna get a kink in
your back from this couch.
First, I wanna hear
all the highlights.
Did you have a good time?
And don't give me that
"I'm so very bored" look.
- I'm not bored, Mother, I'm tired.
- Good.
What does "good" mean?
"Good," I mean, that's just
good. I mean, I'm glad for you.
You're gonna see him again?
Gonna have breakfast
with him in the morning.
- Breakfast?
- Breakfast.
- Oh, so soon.
- Just breakfast.
Just breakfast. Hmm.
Good night, Mother.
Good night.
Hmm. Good sign.
Hello.
Amanda. AMANDA: What?
It's me. Let me in.
What are you doing
out there? Come on.
Help me in there.
I was gonna call you first
thing in the morning. Shh.
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.
Sorry to barge in on you
like this but it's an emergency.
No problem.
All right now, how did everything
go with Chamberlain, huh?
- Well?
- It went just fine, it was textbook.
Well, he just talked about
his travels and his work.
Hmm, anything unusual happen?
No. Nothing worth mentioning.
You can quit tailing him now.
Have anything more to do with him.
Now, wait a minute.
I'm doing a good job.
Yes, you are doing just fine. But
here, I wanna show you something.
Here.
- You see this guy standing in back of him?
- Uh-huh.
He's a terrorist by the
name of Franco Necci.
Now, you factor that in, and
this is a totally different situation.
- But, Lee, Alan's just sitting there.
- Even so, this could be a meeting.
We know that
Chamberlain is in D.C...
to check out valuable documents.
This terrorist group, Red
February, might be after one.
So we will take over from here.
That's what always happens.
I start and then
you just take over.
Amanda, I'm talking about terrorists
here, I can't have you take that risk.
- Besides, what can you do?
- I can talk to him.
- Talk.
- I'm the only one who has access to him.
I'm supposed to meet him
in the morning for breakfast.
There'll be a lot of
people. You could be there.
You and Francine could
be there at another table.
He'd never know the difference.
Now, that's textbook. Textbook
manual two, chapter nine.
Yeah.
I don't know if...
If we only had more to go on
with this, I'd say absolutely not.
Lee, if we get anything
more to go on...
I'll get right in the station
wagon and drive away.
You be damn sure you see
us before you walk in that place.
I will.
It's a deal?
- It's a deal.
- Okay.
Well, I guess that's it, huh?
Till, uh...
- Till breakfast.
- Mm-hm.
You be careful, now.
Oh, yeah.
Be careful going
down the trellis.
Oh, heh, down the trellis.
- I better go.
- Yeah, you better go.
Please don't get up
until I turn the light off.
Tip-toe.
- Are you ready? LEE:
I'm ready, I'm ready.
Be careful. LEE: Yeah.
Can you see?
You be careful. Promise.
I'll remember.
Look out, look out...
Oh, my gosh!
I'm all right. Good night.
There's gotta be a better way.
I never allow anyone
to disobey me twice.
Should I make an
exception in your case?
- Or in your sister's case?
- No.
Don't tell me what to
do. You do what I say.
And you do it today, huh?
I'll make sure your American
does not distract you.
Amanda has nothing to do with
this. I haven't told her anything.
You told her how beautiful she
was. How much you wanted her.
- Nothing else?
- Why should I?
She's only a tourist,
for God's sakes.
Stupid men like
you are dangerous.
Tourist? Maybe.
Agent? Maybe.
I'm going to find out...
and if she is, I'm going
to have to kill her...
and it will be your fault.
Photo-Ident gave it an
85 percent probability...
that the person Red
February brought into Dulles...
- is the kidnapped girl, Sophia Vessi.
- Hmm.
She is Alan
Chamberlain's half-sister.
Why didn't we know about her?
They've been living apart
since they were children.
We can't pick him up
because they've got his sister.
- Agreed?
- Agreed.
- You took Mrs. King off the case?
- Yeah.
Good.
I want you and Francine to cover
this Chamberlain like a circus tent.
Two teams of
watchers for 24 hours.
I don't want him to pick up a case of
dandruff in D.C that we don't know about.
You got it.
That's very clever.
- How was your date last night, Mom?
- Sweetheart, it wasn't a date.
It was business.
- That's not what Grandma said.
- Yeah.
I'll get it.
- Hello?
- Hi. It's me, Alan. How are you?
Oh, uh...
Hello. I was just
getting ready to leave.
- Could I have a little privacy, please?
- I never get any.
Turn around.
Darling, you can have
all the privacy you wish.
- How about 20 minutes, by the pool?
- Uh, no, no, I, uh...
I'm glad I caught you.
Amanda, there's
been a change of plans.
We can't see each other.
- No breakfast?
- No, I'm afraid not.
You've got to stay
away from me, Amanda.
Alan, what's the matter?
No. I'm sorry, there's
nothing to worry about.
I'm sorry.
International Federal Films.
- Lee Stetson, please. WOMAN:
I'm sorry, he's out of the office.
Thank you.
I've done everything I can.
Well...
let's hope for her
sake and yours...
that you have succeeded.
Is it done?
Uh, it needs more
time. It's curing.
More time?
Look, this is my business.
If it's not perfect,
they'll spot it in a minute.
I figure another hour.
I'd like some coffee.
We will be, uh, following your
every move with the greatest interest.
Alan, I know you
said not to come...
but I thought maybe
we could just talk.
Amanda, believe me, you
should not have come here.
- Amanda, we've gotta get of here. Now!
- Aah!
Somebody, call the police.
- Where's your car?
- Right here.
Listen to me. Stay as far
away from me as possible.
I am poison for you.
Somebody, call the police.
This man is attacking me.
We know how to deal
with people like you.
- Where's Chamberlain?
- Uh, he ran across there.
- What went wrong?
- I don't know.
He called this morning
and said breakfast was off.
I tried to call you
but you weren't there.
The terrorists have grabbed his
sister. They're holding her for ransom.
I first encountered
this fungus in Florence.
Aseculum distalias.
It can lie dormant
for decades...
and suddenly reproduce itself
by seven or eight million times...
in the space of 24 hours, if
conditions are correct, humidity, etc.
Mr. Wellington, it can
totally destroy that document.
I read your article on it.
You bathe the
parchment, is that right?
Yes, it's a glycerin bath,
that's right. It's a fungicide.
Important thing is not to subject
the document to oxygen shock.
After all, it has been
sealed in there for 30 years.
We can void this room, correct?
Yes, we'll flood it with
helium under pressure.
We'll need to keep these FPS
guards during the whole procedure.
Hmm, they will need
respirators, however.
Park services. Is tear
gas gear good enough?
I think so.
Until then, maybe they
could, uh, wait outside?
Shall I get started?
Well, what about the B team?
Okay, okay, it happens.
You're gonna have to call
Billy and tell him you lost Necci.
Hey, suffer through until we get
a break, what can I say, Francine?
Okay.
Okay, I'll get
back to you later.
All right, look...
we know that Chamberlain
is a documents expert.
We've got a hundreds of
historical documents in this town...
- we don't wanna lose.
- Right.
You're the only one
who talked to him.
Isn't there something,
some little thing...?
He was troubled.
Worried about something
but he said he'd deal with it.
- How?
- I don't know.
- Where?
- I'm sorry, I don't know.
Look, we've got,
what, pens, ink...
a heat lamp for aging the
paper, he was forging something.
- Look at this.
- What?
"When in the..."
- "When in the course of human events..."
- The Declaration of Independence?
Operator, I wanna place an
emergency call to the National Archives.
Chamberlain, seal the vessel.
The power is out.
That's no problem. I'm finished.
Finished?
That fast?
Well, we were fortunate.
The fungus was right
on the verge of sporation.
Had it continued, well...
You are a godsend.
I'd hardly say that.
Well, don't be modest. If we'd
have lost that declaration...
think of the trauma would
be to the whole country.
I can imagine.
- Sophia.
- Oh, Alan, thank God!
You're all right.
Stay in the car.
Hold it right there.
Drop the guns.
Hold it, right there!
Stop! I have your precious
Declaration of Independence.
I'll rip it to shreds.
Hey!
- You all right?
- Yes.
Uh, you know how to
restore these things, right?
What would you do?
- Destroy it.
- What?
It's just a fake.
That was quite a risk, my friend. If Necci
found out you hadn't made the switch...
Well, I really didn't
have the time.
Maybe I just didn't have
the heart, I don't know.
The point is, my sister and I
wouldn't be alive right now...
if it weren't for you two.
Thank you both very much.
You're welcome.
Uh, Francine, would
you, uh, ask the senorina...
if she wouldn't mind going with
us and answering some questions?
- I'll be right with you.
- Yeah, okay.
Tourist?
No. I'm not. I'm sorry, Alan.
I didn't mean to trick you.
I think you're very special and
you made me feel very special too.
You are very special, Amanda.
I really didn't mean to
trick you, you understand?
I understand.
I understand.
- Ciao, Amanda.
- Goodbye, Alan.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hm.
- Uh-oh.
- Hmm?
Here's one case I'm glad I didn't have
to explain to Congresswoman Faber:
Alan Chamberlain.
- Why? You said it went perfectly.
- It worked out pretty well.
But the technique,
pure improvisation.
Lee, you said it
was a textbook case.
It was all hinged on
the accident, Amanda.
Now, a professional, trained agent
plans every detail, every nuance.
The word "accident" does
not enter into his vocabulary.
Heaven forbid one tiny little
compliment should escape your lips.
I was just trying to point
out, it takes technique.
Oh.
Look, for instance, uh, I'm sitting
right here on this park bench.
Now, your assignment is to
make a casual and natural contact...
establish a
relationship with me...
then get me to ask you to the
Kennedy tonight for a Verdi festival.
How am I supposed to do that?
Look, you sit and I'll show you.
- Hey, toots.
- Ugh.
- How you doing?
- Oh.
- Heard any good opera lately?
- No, I can't say that I have.
What do you say we hit
the Kennedy for a little Verdi?
Sorry, I'm busy.
Oh.
Gee, that's too bad, these
were for tonight. Hmm.
Are those real?
- About 8?
- Love to.
See how easy that was?
Dallas now boarding...
Okay, that's it. Don't do that.
Oh, Mother.
- What have you got?
- O-W-N-A-I-R. I'm out.
What? DOTTY: "Ownhair."
- That's not a word.
- I can use that in a sentence.
"The handsome man
is not wearing a wig...
he is wearing his 'ownhair.'"
- Mother, that's not a word.
- Yes, it is.
It's not.
- Did you understand the sentence?
- That doesn't matter.
- It's not a word.
- That's what we need.
Someone handsome who can fix the
sink, barbecue and has his own hair.
- Oh, Mother.
- Ha, ha.
Out of the woodwork, he will
just come out of the woodwork.
Shh.
He'll be gentle and
wonderful and have a good job.
- Mm-hm. Oh.
- Okay. Dotty, 206. Good.
Amanda, 190.
Well, looks like the little lady
didn't feel like cooking again tonight.
Here, I'll take that.
Yeah, Chinese last
night, pizza tonight.
The way things are going, it'll
be chicken-on-a-stick tomorrow.
Here you go. Keep
the change, yeah.
- Thanks, Mr. King. Good night.
- You got it.
Sweetheart, those
G's are looking good.
They're supposed to be P's.
The P's are looking great.
Could I please
have some privacy?
Don't worry, nobody wants to
listen to you giggle with Linda Montez.
I got a haircut.
I'll get it. Listen, uh,
you just work on your P's.
- And, uh, don't eavesdrop on your brother.
- All right.
Coming!
- Did you order the large?
- Shh.
I could have been my mother.
Hmm, you have a lot in
common, but I wouldn't go that far.
- I tried to call and finally gave up.
- Oh.
Phillip has a new girlfriend. He's
on the phone. I'm letting him enjoy it.
I see.
So, what was so important?
- Amanda, I need a favor.
- Oh.
- And we'll pay you.
- Okay.
See, the agency oversight committee
begins its annual review tomorrow.
Congressional, they
approve our budget.
Important people. Mm-hm.
Yeah. Always going through
drawers, checking expense accounts...
And you want me to try to
make some sense out of yours.
- Exactly. Can you do it?
- Mm-hm.
Well, I don't
know, but I can try.
Listen, uh, this
pizza's gonna get cold.
I'll come first thing
in the morning.
It doesn't matter, Mr. Melrose
asked me to anyway.
- Okay?
- Amanda, you're a godsend.
No, don't go that far.
I paid the kid a
20 for the pizza.
Oh, you gave him too much.
I'll give you what
help I can, Alan.
- Big job, even so.
- Aren't you starting at the Smithsonian?
No, I think I would like to
start here, Mr. Wellington.
And believe me, preserving
history is not a job...
it is a grand passion.
So, what's the problem?
Well, I'm particularly concerned
about any document over 200 years old.
I'm looking for a dormant
fungus I found in Italy:
Aseculum distalias.
You could have it right here in the
Declaration and not even know it.
Ugh. When it rains, it pours.
I have never seen
the news this long.
Tell me about it. Billy's
got me all over the map.
Swiss bank robbery, a
kidnapping in Rome...
- Mercury retrograde.
- Yeah. Mercury's where?
Retrograde. Difficult
time, astrologically.
Affects everything...
- including your kidnapping in Rome.
- Oh.
Interpol says Red February
terrorists are involved.
Red February? Didn't we
hear they were to have...
some crazy scheme to hit
a monument or something?
Oh, yes, morning
news. Page three.
Like I said, Mercury
retrograde. People get crazy.
Oh, last night I had this
date with a Sagittarius.
Spare me your
horoscopic love-life, huh?
Stetson, Desmond,
I need you two. Now.
The committee
will be here by 11.
The new chairperson,
Representative Faber, is out for blood...
and the keys to the
doors of this agency.
- Now, we had better be prepared.
- Faber?
Oh, no, I've heard about her. Come
on, Billy, get me out of this, huh?
- Come.
- Good morning, everyone.
- Morning. Here's the assignment.
- Oh, yes, sir. Thank you.
Uh, it's light surveillance.
Hands-off stuff.
Oh.
His name is Alan Chamberlain.
He restores art work.
Manuscripts. He's famous.
And he's in D.C. on assignment
to the National Archives.
Yes, sir. Um...
- Why are we watching him?
- He's a top security clearance.
We have to validate it every
time he comes into the U.S.
- Mm-hm. BILLY: Now,
he's staying at the Sherman.
So, Stetson, would you
help Amanda get started?
Then get right back...
because you're on the top
of Representative Faber's list.
Hmm. Mercury is
definitely in retrograde.
Uh, better wear
your tennis shoes.
Chamberlain travels in a little
faster circles than you're used to, heh.
- Thank you so much, Francine.
- Anytime.
Sir.
Alan.
Chamberlain.
You know who this is?
Good. No names.
Now, listen.
We have your sister
here in Washington.
I don't need to tell you, if you
ever want to see her alive again...
you will act as though
her life depended on it.
No, you may not talk her now.
Now, we will be in the capitol rose
garden at precisely 3:00 this afternoon.
You will be contacted there.
That's all.
Sophia.
Pray. Pray.
Pray that your brother knows
how to follow instructions, huh?
- That's Chamberlain.
- Mm-hm.
Tail him and take photos
of everyone he talks to.
Right. Right.
But keep your distance.
- Oh, I will.
Drop your photos off tonight.
Uh-huh.
- Amanda?
- I wonder if that's his own hair.
Just don't get close enough to find out.
- Oh, I won't.
Uh-huh.
Can I help you?
I don't suppose you have a
book of poetry by Emily Dickinson?
Sorry.
That's a pity.
There's a lovely
poem that begins:
If certain, when this life was out
That yours and mine should be
I would toss it yonder like
a rind And taste eternity
- I was about to leave without you.
- Where?
The airport. We just
received a report from MI6.
Red February may have
slipped out of England yesterday.
- Heading toward Dulles.
- Dulles?
Can we get surveillance
tapes from Dulles?
Murray's pulling them.
Uh. Oh, no. Not Murray.
Yeah, Murray.
I don't know. You're like a
couple of bees buzzing around.
- We got rules. We got regulations.
- Murray, if you keep talking...
we're all gonna need hip waders.
Listen, I could get a
10-day suspension for that.
- You'll just have to go through channels.
- Murray, this is an emergency. Cut the...
Hmm, Murray, honey, we go
back, huh? A long way, don't we?
Listen, don't
"Murray, honey" me.
Why don't you work with us on this?
Now, we don't wanna have to call Sontag.
We don't wanna go through that
paperwork and come all the way down again.
Murray, just tell
us what you want.
Anything in the whole
world. Tell Francine.
What you think a
guy like me wants?
What is this?
Wait a minute.
Luciano's in town.
What? MURRAY: At the Kennedy.
Doing Traviata.
Boy, would he like to see
my smiling face look up at him.
From the eighth row. Center.
Two tickets.
What do you say?
Done.
Mr. Chamberlain.
Do not speak. Just listen.
We may be observed.
As I told you, your
sister is safe for now.
We must move quickly.
Nod your head if you've made
the necessary arrangements...
which I asked you to.
Do not fail us.
The telephone will
ring in a moment.
Answer it and do
nothing but listen.
- Hello?
- Alan.
Help me.
Sophia!
Answer me. Are you all right?
Sophia!
Look out!
- Are you all right?
- Yes, fine, tha...
Yes, I just didn't
even see him coming.
- Fortunately, I did.
- Yeah. Thank you.
Uh, well, when one lives in Rome, one
becomes accustomed to, uh, crazy drivers.
Well, I guess you
can use that here too.
Uh, I see you're a tourist too.
- Tourist?
- The camera.
Oh, yes. Oh, I am. I'm a
tourist. I'm here visiting my aunt.
And you are from Rome...
- uh, but you're not Italian.
- I'm an American. I, uh...
My work takes me
abroad frequently.
I'm not here very often.
Unfortunately, this trip
is mostly business. I, uh...
I'm not gonna have
much chance to relax.
- Well, ha, ha.
- Well, yeah.
I better go. I have
lots of pictures to take.
Of course, I understand.
- Well, ciao.
- Ciao.
Yeah.
Um...
Excuse me, miss. I was, uh, wondering,
maybe we could walk for a while and talk.
If you have the time.
Oh, well, I...
Well, maybe we could
have a cup of coffee.
Good idea. It might help us
both recover from that near miss.
One cappuccino.
- Right.
- Okay.
There. The guy in the funny
robes. That's Necci, all right.
Is there any I.D. on the
person in the wheelchair?
No, but we're working on it.
Meanwhile I've initiated
an inter-agency alert.
- So, they're here.
- Mm-hm.
Planning to hit something in
town. The question is, what?
Mr. Stetson. Miss Desmond. I've
been looking everywhere for you.
Um, representatives
Faber, Kildare, and Slauson...
two of our best agents,
Francine Desmond, Lee Stetson.
Stetson.
Code-named Scarecrow. Correct?
Uh, right on the
nose. I'm flattered.
Don't be. Your name's come to my attention
so often, I doubt I'll ever forget it...
or some of your adventures.
Uh, yeah. Um...
Billy, there's been a new development
in the, uh, Red February thing.
- So I'll...
- Put Hutchins on it.
You can show
Representative Faber around.
Representative Faber doesn't
wanna be shown around.
But she'd like to see some
facts and figures. Hard ones.
I'm sure Miss Desmond
can handle my colleagues...
while I finish up
with Mr. Scarecrow.
I'd be delighted to acquaint the
congressmen with logistic analysis...
counter-revolutionary profiles, and
statistical operational procedures.
Shall we, gentlemen?
I'm having lunch brought in for
you and Representative Faber.
Oh, no, Billy. That's... I don't
think that's really necessary.
Well, why waste time? We
have so much ground to cover.
Let's start with your
case reports, Mr. Stetson.
Beginning with your
first day of employment.
Hmm.
So I just never got married.
Hmm.
Didn't seem fair to ask a woman to
share a life of living out of a suitcase.
See, the artist's life is not quite
as romantic as it's cracked up to be.
Oh, I don't know. It doesn't seem so bad.
You travel and well, you love your work.
I do. I do love my work.
It's an uncomplicated kind
of life. At least it should be.
Um, anyway, enough about
me. I'm curious about you.
- You're a tourist from...
- Evanston, Illinois.
And what do you do
in Evanston, Illinois?
I'm a dental hygienist.
It's really pretty boring stuff.
Not really. Not at all.
Well, I know you have lots to do.
I really probably better get going.
No, no.
What I... Actually, see, I'm
not working, uh, until tomorrow.
And I was wondering, maybe we
could have, uh, dinner together?
You know, two
lonely tourists...?
Well, in Europe you like to eat late
and I'm sort of an early eater myself.
- Anytime you like.
- Besides, my aunt has...
something planned
for almost every night...
and I'm sure tonight
would be no exception.
I really wouldn't
wanna disappoint her.
I understand.
But if your aunt leaves you with nothing
to do some evening, please call me.
I'm at the Sherman. Promise?
I really don't think that's
gonna happen, but thank you.
You never know.
- It was nice to meet you.
- It was nice to meet you, Amanda.
- Goodbye.
- Bye.
Details, please, Mr. Stetson.
Not vague generalities.
- I'm trying to remember.
- I just dropped the film off.
Oh, uh, thanks,
Amanda. Any problem?
- Oh, no, everything's just fine.
- Terrific. Terrific.
We're just cross-checking my petty
cash vouchers against Billy's payouts.
- We're up to 1979.
- Oh, would you look at that?
Oh, uh...
Uh, Congresswoman, I really do
have to take this agent's report...
- so if you could spare me for a minute.
- Yes.
Thank you very
much. Very kind of you.
- What is it?
- I made a mess out of everything...
but it wasn't my fault. I
didn't see the skateboard.
If it had hit me, it
would've killed me.
- I broke the camera, but I'll pay...
- Stop!
What are you talking
about? Chamberlain?
We made contact. I'm sorry.
He asked me to take a walk, I
thought I could keep it to a cup of coffee.
Does he know who you work for?
No, no. He thinks I
clean teeth in Illinois.
He asked me to
dinner, but I said no.
- Dinner?
- I'm sorry.
Fabulous.
I thought you told me
to keep my distance.
Yes, I did, but this is perfect. We
couldn't have set it up any better.
Well, I didn't really do all that much.
I mean, he did almost everything.
I just sort of tried to keep my foot out
of my mouth and not make him nervous.
It's textbook.
Look, I've gotta get
back to the dragon-lady.
You go to dinner with him, don't press
him, just keep it light and let him talk.
Okay.
Is he as stuffy as he looks...
you know, head in the
clouds, artistic type?
Dull as a stick.
Good.
I'm thinking about
getting a haircut. Mm-hm.
Maybe a mohawk or
get it all shaved off. Ehh.
Okay. See you.
Beats me. Linda likes bald men.
Hmm. Then she wants Telly Savalas, not
you. Go ahead, sit down, we're gonna eat.
- Hello, everybody.
- Way to go, Mom.
Sweetheart, that is
beautiful. Is that a new dress?
Oh, well, it's, you know...
- Who's your date, Mom?
- I don't have a date, sweetheart.
- It's business.
- That's business?
- Could you get the door for me?
Thank you. PHILIP: Yeah, I will.
Mother, I may be
a little late tonight.
Oh, that's all right.
I'll wait up, ha, ha.
- Hey, Mom, this is for you.
- Oh, thank you.
Look at that. That's
very pretty, isn't it?
Oh, my! Hmm.
Nice business card, dear.
Penny for your thoughts?
- I'm sorry. I'm doing it again.
- No.
I guess I've been
doing it all evening.
Believe me,
Amanda, it's not you.
Being with you tonight
makes it almost bearable.
What? Never mind, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't ask. It's
none of my business.
It's okay.
Let's...
just say that nobody's life is
ever quiet as simple as it seems...
and right now, mine is
the paradigm of that rule.
But, um...
I'm not gonna think
about that until tomorrow.
Because right now, it's perfect.
Heh, it's perfect.
Tonight, I'm gonna put everything
else out of my mind but you...
for as long as possible.
Well, that's a
lovely thing to say.
It's early.
Uh, why don't we go
listen to some music?
That's not what I had in mind.
- I'm sorry. AMANDA:
No, no, don't be.
It's a beautiful night.
Let's, um... Let's walk.
Okay.
Now, about the case involving
a Hungarian trapeze act.
Two sisters, I believe. Twins.
And their mother,
"The Flying Fedorovas."
Precisely. There should
be a receipt in here.
Seven hundred and twenty
rubles for "female undergarments."
- Yeah.
- Explain, please.
Well, you see, she had a...
Scarecrow, here are the proofs
on Mrs. King's surveillance photos.
Oh, great.
- Please.
- Yeah.
Thanks, Tim. Thanks a lot.
There you go.
Excuse me.
The priest is Franco Necci.
The priest is Franco Necci.
Wait a minute, Mr. Stetson.
What about the
ladies' underwear?
A good friend of mine is getting too
close to some pretty scary people...
and she doesn't know it.
So I'll just have to take care of
your underwear problem later.
- Mother.
- Oh!
- It's okay. It's just me. Wake up.
- What time is it?
It's time for you to go to bed.
You're gonna get a kink in
your back from this couch.
First, I wanna hear
all the highlights.
Did you have a good time?
And don't give me that
"I'm so very bored" look.
- I'm not bored, Mother, I'm tired.
- Good.
What does "good" mean?
"Good," I mean, that's just
good. I mean, I'm glad for you.
You're gonna see him again?
Gonna have breakfast
with him in the morning.
- Breakfast?
- Breakfast.
- Oh, so soon.
- Just breakfast.
Just breakfast. Hmm.
Good night, Mother.
Good night.
Hmm. Good sign.
Hello.
Amanda. AMANDA: What?
It's me. Let me in.
What are you doing
out there? Come on.
Help me in there.
I was gonna call you first
thing in the morning. Shh.
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.
Sorry to barge in on you
like this but it's an emergency.
No problem.
All right now, how did everything
go with Chamberlain, huh?
- Well?
- It went just fine, it was textbook.
Well, he just talked about
his travels and his work.
Hmm, anything unusual happen?
No. Nothing worth mentioning.
You can quit tailing him now.
Have anything more to do with him.
Now, wait a minute.
I'm doing a good job.
Yes, you are doing just fine. But
here, I wanna show you something.
Here.
- You see this guy standing in back of him?
- Uh-huh.
He's a terrorist by the
name of Franco Necci.
Now, you factor that in, and
this is a totally different situation.
- But, Lee, Alan's just sitting there.
- Even so, this could be a meeting.
We know that
Chamberlain is in D.C...
to check out valuable documents.
This terrorist group, Red
February, might be after one.
So we will take over from here.
That's what always happens.
I start and then
you just take over.
Amanda, I'm talking about terrorists
here, I can't have you take that risk.
- Besides, what can you do?
- I can talk to him.
- Talk.
- I'm the only one who has access to him.
I'm supposed to meet him
in the morning for breakfast.
There'll be a lot of
people. You could be there.
You and Francine could
be there at another table.
He'd never know the difference.
Now, that's textbook. Textbook
manual two, chapter nine.
Yeah.
I don't know if...
If we only had more to go on
with this, I'd say absolutely not.
Lee, if we get anything
more to go on...
I'll get right in the station
wagon and drive away.
You be damn sure you see
us before you walk in that place.
I will.
It's a deal?
- It's a deal.
- Okay.
Well, I guess that's it, huh?
Till, uh...
- Till breakfast.
- Mm-hm.
You be careful, now.
Oh, yeah.
Be careful going
down the trellis.
Oh, heh, down the trellis.
- I better go.
- Yeah, you better go.
Please don't get up
until I turn the light off.
Tip-toe.
- Are you ready? LEE:
I'm ready, I'm ready.
Be careful. LEE: Yeah.
Can you see?
You be careful. Promise.
I'll remember.
Look out, look out...
Oh, my gosh!
I'm all right. Good night.
There's gotta be a better way.
I never allow anyone
to disobey me twice.
Should I make an
exception in your case?
- Or in your sister's case?
- No.
Don't tell me what to
do. You do what I say.
And you do it today, huh?
I'll make sure your American
does not distract you.
Amanda has nothing to do with
this. I haven't told her anything.
You told her how beautiful she
was. How much you wanted her.
- Nothing else?
- Why should I?
She's only a tourist,
for God's sakes.
Stupid men like
you are dangerous.
Tourist? Maybe.
Agent? Maybe.
I'm going to find out...
and if she is, I'm going
to have to kill her...
and it will be your fault.
Photo-Ident gave it an
85 percent probability...
that the person Red
February brought into Dulles...
- is the kidnapped girl, Sophia Vessi.
- Hmm.
She is Alan
Chamberlain's half-sister.
Why didn't we know about her?
They've been living apart
since they were children.
We can't pick him up
because they've got his sister.
- Agreed?
- Agreed.
- You took Mrs. King off the case?
- Yeah.
Good.
I want you and Francine to cover
this Chamberlain like a circus tent.
Two teams of
watchers for 24 hours.
I don't want him to pick up a case of
dandruff in D.C that we don't know about.
You got it.
That's very clever.
- How was your date last night, Mom?
- Sweetheart, it wasn't a date.
It was business.
- That's not what Grandma said.
- Yeah.
I'll get it.
- Hello?
- Hi. It's me, Alan. How are you?
Oh, uh...
Hello. I was just
getting ready to leave.
- Could I have a little privacy, please?
- I never get any.
Turn around.
Darling, you can have
all the privacy you wish.
- How about 20 minutes, by the pool?
- Uh, no, no, I, uh...
I'm glad I caught you.
Amanda, there's
been a change of plans.
We can't see each other.
- No breakfast?
- No, I'm afraid not.
You've got to stay
away from me, Amanda.
Alan, what's the matter?
No. I'm sorry, there's
nothing to worry about.
I'm sorry.
International Federal Films.
- Lee Stetson, please. WOMAN:
I'm sorry, he's out of the office.
Thank you.
I've done everything I can.
Well...
let's hope for her
sake and yours...
that you have succeeded.
Is it done?
Uh, it needs more
time. It's curing.
More time?
Look, this is my business.
If it's not perfect,
they'll spot it in a minute.
I figure another hour.
I'd like some coffee.
We will be, uh, following your
every move with the greatest interest.
Alan, I know you
said not to come...
but I thought maybe
we could just talk.
Amanda, believe me, you
should not have come here.
- Amanda, we've gotta get of here. Now!
- Aah!
Somebody, call the police.
- Where's your car?
- Right here.
Listen to me. Stay as far
away from me as possible.
I am poison for you.
Somebody, call the police.
This man is attacking me.
We know how to deal
with people like you.
- Where's Chamberlain?
- Uh, he ran across there.
- What went wrong?
- I don't know.
He called this morning
and said breakfast was off.
I tried to call you
but you weren't there.
The terrorists have grabbed his
sister. They're holding her for ransom.
I first encountered
this fungus in Florence.
Aseculum distalias.
It can lie dormant
for decades...
and suddenly reproduce itself
by seven or eight million times...
in the space of 24 hours, if
conditions are correct, humidity, etc.
Mr. Wellington, it can
totally destroy that document.
I read your article on it.
You bathe the
parchment, is that right?
Yes, it's a glycerin bath,
that's right. It's a fungicide.
Important thing is not to subject
the document to oxygen shock.
After all, it has been
sealed in there for 30 years.
We can void this room, correct?
Yes, we'll flood it with
helium under pressure.
We'll need to keep these FPS
guards during the whole procedure.
Hmm, they will need
respirators, however.
Park services. Is tear
gas gear good enough?
I think so.
Until then, maybe they
could, uh, wait outside?
Shall I get started?
Well, what about the B team?
Okay, okay, it happens.
You're gonna have to call
Billy and tell him you lost Necci.
Hey, suffer through until we get
a break, what can I say, Francine?
Okay.
Okay, I'll get
back to you later.
All right, look...
we know that Chamberlain
is a documents expert.
We've got a hundreds of
historical documents in this town...
- we don't wanna lose.
- Right.
You're the only one
who talked to him.
Isn't there something,
some little thing...?
He was troubled.
Worried about something
but he said he'd deal with it.
- How?
- I don't know.
- Where?
- I'm sorry, I don't know.
Look, we've got,
what, pens, ink...
a heat lamp for aging the
paper, he was forging something.
- Look at this.
- What?
"When in the..."
- "When in the course of human events..."
- The Declaration of Independence?
Operator, I wanna place an
emergency call to the National Archives.
Chamberlain, seal the vessel.
The power is out.
That's no problem. I'm finished.
Finished?
That fast?
Well, we were fortunate.
The fungus was right
on the verge of sporation.
Had it continued, well...
You are a godsend.
I'd hardly say that.
Well, don't be modest. If we'd
have lost that declaration...
think of the trauma would
be to the whole country.
I can imagine.
- Sophia.
- Oh, Alan, thank God!
You're all right.
Stay in the car.
Hold it right there.
Drop the guns.
Hold it, right there!
Stop! I have your precious
Declaration of Independence.
I'll rip it to shreds.
Hey!
- You all right?
- Yes.
Uh, you know how to
restore these things, right?
What would you do?
- Destroy it.
- What?
It's just a fake.
That was quite a risk, my friend. If Necci
found out you hadn't made the switch...
Well, I really didn't
have the time.
Maybe I just didn't have
the heart, I don't know.
The point is, my sister and I
wouldn't be alive right now...
if it weren't for you two.
Thank you both very much.
You're welcome.
Uh, Francine, would
you, uh, ask the senorina...
if she wouldn't mind going with
us and answering some questions?
- I'll be right with you.
- Yeah, okay.
Tourist?
No. I'm not. I'm sorry, Alan.
I didn't mean to trick you.
I think you're very special and
you made me feel very special too.
You are very special, Amanda.
I really didn't mean to
trick you, you understand?
I understand.
I understand.
- Ciao, Amanda.
- Goodbye, Alan.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hm.
- Uh-oh.
- Hmm?
Here's one case I'm glad I didn't have
to explain to Congresswoman Faber:
Alan Chamberlain.
- Why? You said it went perfectly.
- It worked out pretty well.
But the technique,
pure improvisation.
Lee, you said it
was a textbook case.
It was all hinged on
the accident, Amanda.
Now, a professional, trained agent
plans every detail, every nuance.
The word "accident" does
not enter into his vocabulary.
Heaven forbid one tiny little
compliment should escape your lips.
I was just trying to point
out, it takes technique.
Oh.
Look, for instance, uh, I'm sitting
right here on this park bench.
Now, your assignment is to
make a casual and natural contact...
establish a
relationship with me...
then get me to ask you to the
Kennedy tonight for a Verdi festival.
How am I supposed to do that?
Look, you sit and I'll show you.
- Hey, toots.
- Ugh.
- How you doing?
- Oh.
- Heard any good opera lately?
- No, I can't say that I have.
What do you say we hit
the Kennedy for a little Verdi?
Sorry, I'm busy.
Oh.
Gee, that's too bad, these
were for tonight. Hmm.
Are those real?
- About 8?
- Love to.
See how easy that was?