Scarecrow and Mrs. King (1983–1987): Season 2, Episode 19 - DOA: Delirious on Arrival - full transcript

An assassination attempt on Lee gets sidetracked to Amanda and she is poisoned with a hallucinogenic toxin which is ultimately fatal.


Anyone here?

All right, let's cut
the games, huh?

I'm here like you said.
Now, what do you want?



Good evening, Mr. Stetson.

It's been a long time
since our last encounter.

I hope you and your
agency don't hold grudges...

because I'm looking forward to
doing business with you again. Soon.

I'll be giving you
the details later.

I'll be in touch.

Well, what have we here?

A New Year's resolution
to be in on time...

or still up late
from last night?

Save it. You won't feel like
joking after you've heard this.

Oh, let me guess, it's the latest
Bobby Leaves For Hollywood.

Oh, maybe it's an audio
recording of last night's soiree...

with what's-her-name? That
girl you're seeing now? Randy.

Oh, Francine!

My, my, my, this
must be serious.

Try Hans Retzig.

Oh, this is serious.

- Good morning, people.
FRANCINE: Not anymore it isn't.


- You promised to take us to Goofy Golf.
- Right, sweetheart.

Great! The one night they play
Casablanca at the revival theater.

Mother, I'm sorry, I
promised the boys.

DOTTY: Okay. I'll
try to go another night.

Philip, come here, sweetie.
Look, here's your lunch money.

Now, bring me back the change
and no extra dessert, okay?

I thought you were making
tuna fish sandwiches.

I was going to, Mother, but
IFF needs me to come in.

DOTTY: You haven't
even had your breakfast.

Well, I'll get something later.

DOTTY: I hope they appreciate
all the sacrifices you make.

I'm sure they do, Mother.

They should show their
appreciation by giving you a raise.

I'll talk to them about it.

Maybe if you were a
little more aggressive.

Yes, Mother. Sweetie, come on, now.
Everybody hurry up. We're gonna be late.

Are we gonna have to buy clubs?

No, we'll rent them. Look, it's
10 to. Come on. We gotta go.

Ten to! I was supposed to
be at Emilio's five minutes ago.

Mother, his prices
are just outrageous.

Well, what am I saving for?

Until my daughter grows
up and has kids of her own?

- Yes, Mother, you're right.
- Come on, boys, let's go!

Don't forget to eat
your breakfast, Amanda.

It's the most important
meal of the day!

Yes, Mother!


We've crossed swords
with Hans Retzig before...

and he's always
had the upper hand.

The man is very
slick and very sharp.

He's also a creature of habit.

He's made most of his money in
arms deals, top-secret weaponry.

But he never
touches the hardware.

He deals strictly in
blueprints, schematics, plans...

things that can be
moved easily and fast.

One of the reasons he moves so fast is
that he sets up his buyers ahead of time.

So for our first
priority of the day...

we will contact all
of our informants...

find out who's in town...

and who might just be in
the market for weapons plans.

If we can narrow down all the
buyers, they might just lead us to Retzig.

A word of warning.

Although the man may play
games, he's still dangerous.

So if any of you get a
line on him, call for backup.

We don't need any dead heroes.

Yeah. Some of you here
might not have been with us...

when Operation Thunderhead
went down in flames.

Cost us two of our best agents.

Not only did Retzig get away with
the goods, he made us look bad.

And then he rubbed
our noses in it.

So I think we all have
something at stake here.

Okay, people, let's hit it.


Almost finished.

Amanda, when you can, I'll
need six copies of this made.

Right. This Retzig looks
like a pretty bad character.

The worst. We lost two agents
to him on an operation one time.

Damn good agents.
On my team too.

I'll tell you, Amanda. In the past
he has always come out on top.

- But this time...
- Amanda.

AMANDA: Yes, sir?
- May I see you for a moment?

Yes, sir. Lee?

LEE: Hello? Anyone home?


Yo, Augie!

I am getting real tired of this.



AUGIE: Oh, hey! What the...?

Oh, Lee.

What are you doing? I
thought you owned this place.

Yeah. You know, would you believe
it, my mechanics quit this morning.

Maybe you should
try paying them.


What's this? What's this?
The latest fashion from Paris?

Those lousy little creeps,
they took all my coveralls.

This was the only
thing left in the rag pile.

I think you should've stuck
with the mud wrestling bar.

Ah. Lee, that was
a real dirty business.

Yeah, you're right.

It's good to see a
man make a change.

So, what's up?

Hans Retzig's back in town.

Uh-huh. Lee, I don't think I can
tell you anything about Retzig.

Oh, come on now. What
are you talking about?

You two run in the same circles.

Yeah, yeah, that's what I mean. It's
kind of like a professional courtesy.

Professional. Who are
you trying to kid here?

Your whole life has lent new
dimension to the term amateur.

What do you know about Retzig?

Look, we may run in the same
circles but that doesn't mean we're alike.

That man's into violence.

I don't like that. It
clashes with my ethics.

- It scares the hell out of you.
- That too.

You might find bigger scares if
you don't come up with information.

Come on, Lee. What's more
scary than death and violence?

How about the IRS? You know, I
have a good friend that's an auditor.

He might be real interested to take a look
at your mudwrestling losses of last year.

All right. I'll nose around,
see what I can find out.

Do it real fast, because this
guy isn't wasting any time.

- You know, you should lighten up a little.
- Oh?

Enjoy life more.

I will.

Right after I get Retzig.

Oh, and, Augie, nice cuffs.

Hope you got a
good deal on the tux.



- What?
- Do you have my orange?

Your orange?

That was your orange?

I brought it from
home this morning.

Didn't have time for breakfast.

I'm sorry. I really am
sorry. You must be starved.

- Kind of.
- Food's here.

We ordered sandwiches in to
work through lunch. Take mine.

Oh, no. I couldn't do that.

- Yes. Come on.
- No, no. I couldn't do that.

Amanda, I'm not hungry. This Retzig
thing has got me too upset to eat. Please.

Chicken on white, extra mayo?

Oh, I'm sorry, Francine. Heh.

Thank you so much.

- You sure?
- Yeah.

Okay. If you insist. Heh.


- Any luck yet?
- No. Nobody's heard anything.

Nothing. At least not yet.


Melrose here.

I think you better take
this one. It's Hans Retzig.

What do you want?

That's what I like about you, Stetson,
you're a bottom-line kind of guy.

How about can the small
talk and get down to business?

Suits me.

One of your departments
has access to blueprints...

for the new Stryker
One anti-aircraft missile.

I'm giving you eight hours to
get me a set of those blueprints.

That'd be pretty generous of
me. Why would I wanna do that?

If you don't, you
won't get the antidote.

Antidote? What antidote?

For the poison in your sandwich.

Chicken salad, extra mayo.

Bon appétit.

I'll be in touch.

Oh, my God.

BILLY: Well, what have you got?
- I don't know.

This is what they pay
big bucks for, Fronan?

Medium bucks, sir.

We've identified all the
chemical substances except one.

- Some sort of experimental drug.
- And?

Well, the good news is,
we don't think it's lethal.

- What's the bad news?
- We're not sure.

- Oh.
- Get to the point, man.

Okay, okay. There is...

There's evidence of hallucinogens in
some of the substances she ingested.

But we're not exactly sure
how that's gonna affect her.

These drugs could have any
effect, from minor mood swings...

to paranoid delusions...

to radical personality changes.

Then again, they may
not affect her at all. Heh.


Is there an antidote?

Well, we could come up with one if we
could isolate and identify that substance.

But that could take
days or maybe weeks.

We can't have her on the streets not
knowing how she's going to behave.

She's been exposed to
classified information here.

I was gonna suggest that we keep
her here under observation for a while.

Who's going to tell her?


It was my chicken sandwich.

That was the worst experience
I've ever had in my whole life.

Stomach pump.

- Amanda, the poison isn't lethal.
- Hmm? Oh, good.

But they don't know how it'll affect you,
so you have to stay here under observation.

I can't take Philip and
Jamie to Goofy Golf tonight?

You still may be able to
make it with a little luck.

But I think we're gonna have
to figure out something else.

Well, really, that's all right. I'm
not really feeling up to it anyway.

Lee. Excuse me.

One of our contacts called.

Augie Swann wants to
meet at the Hattman House.

Good. Let's hope
he has something.

Everything is
gonna be all right.

But I promise you, before this day
is out, we're gonna nail that creep...

and get your antidote.




- Thank you, Francine.
- It's okay.

This better be worth it, Augie.

My auditor friend has
an itchy calculator finger.

Just make sure you keep
my name out of this, okay?

Retzig just doesn't cover his
tracks, you know, he buries them...

along with anybody
who gets in his way.

Okay, okay. Now,
what have you got?


See that guy eating alone?

- With the beard. LEE: Yeah.

His name's Diersing.

Now, word is, he's in the
market for some missile plans.

- Hand-held? Anti-aircraft?
- Could be.

I don't know if Retzig's made contact yet,
so you might be able to do some bluffing.

Yeah, we'll see.

- Lee.
- What?

I thought there might
be a finder's fee.

I could use some new coveralls,
you know. Get that tux tailored.


Buy yourself a new tux.

Stryker One.

I thought that might
get your attention.

- So who are you?
- Maybe a business partner.

I hear we're both in the market
for the same weapon system.


So who do you hear that from?

Oh, it doesn't matter.

What does matter is that
there's no conflict of interest...

between the people we work for.

I'm representing a large
South American nation.

How do I know you're not FBI?

Because I came to you.

If I was a fed, your lawyers would spring
you quicker than you can say entrapment.

Well, let's suppose that I am
interested. Where do we go from there?

When you come into
possession of the plans...

I'll arrange to buy
a copy from you.

Now, even less risky to you is
having me contact your source.

Then I can pay you a finder's
fee and deal directly with him.

Lee, sorry I'm late.

Uh... Uh, yes. This is my
associate, Amanda King.

How do you do?

Of course, if I were
to consider your offer...

the finder's fee would
have to be substantial.

Yeah. Well, I'm sure my people
will make it worth your while.


Mind if I have one
these? I'm really very...

- Mm. Very good.
Mm-hm? LEE: Amanda.

Can I talk with you, please?

- Work on that.
- Yes. Excuse us. Ahem.

Excuse us.

Lee, is this Retzig, the
man that you're looking for?

Uh... Oh, terrific.
Just terrific. What...?

Excuse us.

We have to get you out of
here. That drug is taking effect.

- I don't take drugs.
- What do you mean, you...?

Amanda, don't you remember
this morning? The sandwich?

Oh, I'd like a sandwich. Heh.

Oh, Amanda. Come on.

LEE: You got it. I'm on my way.

That was Billy. Got a
lead to Retzig's hideout.

Oh, great. Let's go.

No. Hold it. Hold it now.

The man is dangerous,
and I think it'll be a

lot safer if I drop
you off at the hospital.

- The hospital?
- Yes.

- Why? I'm not sick. Hmm?
- No, Amanda...

trust me on this.


- Amanda, what is it?
- Hello.

- Heh-heh.
- What?

Lee, don't these people
look a little weird to you?

Amanda, these people
are here to help you.

Don't leave me.

- Amanda...
- Just don't leave me.


Listen to me. Listen to me. Francine
is gonna be here in a few minutes.

- No. No.
- Yes. And she... What?

Oh! Oh.

Uh... Lee?




You take good care of her.

- How's Amanda?
- Don't ask. Retzig inside?

According to the
neighbors, he's got a girl.

Yeah? Everybody in place?

All the exits are sealed off.

Cory and Bacon are going through
the back yard, going in through the patio.

Duffy and you are gonna
crash the front door as backup.

It's okay by me.

- Let's do it.
- Come on.

Move out.


WOMAN: Stop. MAN: Come on.

WOMAN: Hey, what are
you doing? MAN: Why not?

WOMAN: Come on. Don't.

- Stop it. Watch
the TV. MAN: Listen.

I don't wanna watch TV.

All right, moonface,
bite the rug!

You too, sister. Hands
behind your heads!

Forget it!

Forget it, Cory.

You're not Retzig.

- Maybe he's one of his accomplices.
- The man doesn't work with accomplices.

But maybe our amorous friends
can tell us where we might find him.

How about it, pal?

Retzig? You mean the guy
that hired us to housesit?


I think we've been had.

The password for the last week
in last month was "third base."

The password for the first week
in this month was "jumpshot."

The password for the second
week in this month was "moonbeam."

The password for this
week is "counterweight."

And next week it will
change to "riverboat."

That's very good, Amanda.

what are you doing here?

Funny, I was going to
ask you the same thing.

Mother, I'm a spy.

Now, was that so hard?

You're not surprised?

Why should I be?
I've known all along.

I just wanted to see if
you could be honest.

You knew?

- How?
- I'm a spy too.

So are the boys.

- Boys.
- Hi, Mom.

Why didn't you tell your
mother you were spies?

Mom, you didn't
have a need to know.

Mother, if they don't
find an antidote...

are they going to have to
send you to a funny farm?

If you don't come back,
can I have your room?

Well, I don't know. Let's
ask Philip first. He's oldest.

Good afternoon, Mrs. King.

Philip, no need to be so formal.

- Anything you say, Mrs. King.
- Sweetheart, do you have a cold?

RETZIG: It looks like you're
the one who is sick, Mrs. King.

And I'm the only one
who has the remedy.

FRANCINE: You were
supposed to be watching her.

NURSE: I didn't have any choice.
- You... Ugh.

Hey, what's going
on? Where's Amanda?

That's what I would like to know.
She was gone the minute I got here.

I had an emergency down in CCU.
I was only gone for a few minutes.

When I got back,
that was on the bed.

- Lee, look.
- Hmm?

Oh, my God!


Lee, you missed the cartwheel.

No, no, no. Amanda, don't move.

Oh, of course I can
move. Watch this.

- I can head her off from the other side.
- Yeah. Go. Now.

Did you ever think that
the reason that we can't fly...

is just because we're
conditioned to think that we can't?

Oh, no.

I've always believed that you
can do anything you wanna do...

if you wanna do it badly
enough and put your mind to it.

And that the only thing that limits
our abilities are our negative...

Uh... Oh. Uh...
- -attitudes!


What happened?

- Could we take this discussion inside?
- Yes.

- Francine.
- Got it.

We better take her
back to the agency.

RETZIG: I won't stop until the plans
for Stryker One are in my possession.

By now, Stetson, I hope you realize
you will always be one step behind.

It's time we get serious. Be in
Denwood Park in three hours.

Oh, and something I
neglected to mention earlier.

If the proper antidote is not
administered within the next four hours...

the effects of the drug
become permanent.

Where's Amanda now?

The lab. Doesn't remember
anything about Retzig's visit.

- What's the progress on the antidote?
- Fronan's still running tests.

I sympathize with your problem.

And, of course, I feel
sorry for this Mrs. King.

LEE: Hey, now wait a minute.

You're not just
walking away from this?

I'm not gonna jeopardize
this weapon system.

Any idea how much research and
development has gone into this?

We are talking about a woman's
life here. A mother of two young boys.

Sometimes it's necessary to
sacrifice a squad to save a battalion.

Not in this outfit, pal!

Gentlemen, please. It doesn't
help us to fight among ourselves.

There must be some
compromise solution to this.

I will tell you the
general's solution.

Nuke Retzig till he glows. But that is
not how we're gonna get that antidote!

All right. You want a
compromise? You've got it.

We'll give you the
Stryker blueprints.

But I want that drop zone
surrounded with my men.

Retzig won't come
within a mile of me if

you've got your soldiers
all over the place.

He won't even know we're there.

Excuse me, sir...

but Retzig chose Denwood Park
because there's nothing there.

No cover. No buildings.

No way you can get anything or
anybody in without him seeing it.

Unless we bring
them in ahead of time.

What I'm talking about
is a crack Alpha Team...

men that are experts in
camouflage and guerilla warfare.

I think he's got something
there, Scarecrow.

You're asking me to put my life in the
hands of trigger-happy commandos?

- Come on, Billy.
- No, I'm not!

But then, on the other hand, I
haven't heard any better ideas.

All right.

I want this on the record, there's only
one reason I'm going through with it.



Excuse me, but has
anyone seen Mrs. King?

Oh, good show, Fronan.

Your people are doing their usual
outstanding job of keeping an eye on her.

It's the drugs, sir.

And she seems to have an exceptional
talent for getting away from us.


Wait. Hold. Hold it. Hold it.

Well, I was practicing Goofy
Golf and I hit the ball so hard.

Perhaps if she were in a
more familiar environment...

she'd revert to more
normal behavior.

Yeah, maybe you're right, but we
certainly can't send her home like this.


What about my place?

She's been there before.
It's safe. Francine can babysit.

- It's worth a try. Francine.
- Wait a minute. This is Lee's apartment.

And who's gonna
coordinate that Alpha team?

Now, you'd better get her over there
before she causes any more trouble.

That hole is pretty
far off the floor.

It's not easy to do, a
chip shot with a putter.

- Ha-ha-ha.
- Somebody should warn Goofy Golf.

Aha. Let's go. Come on.

Come on. Here we go.

There we go. Good.
Now, wait, wait. Ooh.

Careful. There we go.
Okay. Now, sit down.

Good, good, good.

Now, we want to
make you feel at home.

How can we make you comfortable?

Let's light some candles.

- Candles.
- Good catch, Francine.

Candles. Lee have you
over for candlelight dinners?

All the time.

- Oh, uh, sure. Candles. Good. Here we go.
- Mm-hm.

All right.


You know, it's been a
real long day for everybody.

I think maybe you should lie
down and just take a little nap.

Not sleepy.

- Not sleepy? Okay. I'll light the candles.
- Mm-mm.

- I can't leave you.
- You've got to.

Where you're
going, I can't come.

You've got a job to do.

I can only get in the way.

But what about tonight?

The way we feel
about each other?

Look, our feelings don't add
up to a pile of chicken salad...

in this crazy, mixed-up world.

If I went with you, you
might not regret it today...

next week, or next year...

but one day you'll look at
yourself in the mirror and you'll say:

"I should've asked my mother."

Amanda, there's something
I want you to have.

Something that's been in my
family for three generations.

A little something
to remember me by.

I could never forget you.

We'll always have Arlington.

Here's looking at you, kid.

Oh, boy!

Oh, well, that must've been a
pretty interesting dream, huh?

- Who's Rick? Rick?
- Rick?

Nothing yet.

BILLY [OVER RADIO]: There's still time.
It's only a few minutes past the hour.

I just hope the general's boys
don't move too soon, spook him.

How does the camouflage look?

It's great. I can't
even see them myself.

Hold on. Bacon spotted someone
in the northern sector. Stay alert.

- Yeah, I see him.
- Is it Retzig?

No, it's... He's still
too far away to tell.

Anything yet?

He's about the right
size. Could be our man.

Now, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

No, it couldn't be. Tell
the general's men... Skip it.




Augie, hold it!

- Augie!
- Don't shoot. Don't shoot.

Don't shoot,
please! Don't shoot.

Just what are you doing here?

- Will you tell them not to shoot?
- It's all right. He's not our man.

Now, what the hell
are you doing here?

I got a tip that there was a deal
going down I might be interested in.

- I didn't know you'd be involved.
- A tip? From who?

I don't know. It was anonymous.


Nice try, Stetson.

But that forces me
to raise the stakes.


- How you feeling?
- Woozy.

I'm making us up
some sandwiches here.

A little food might
make you feel better.

You know, it's really funny.
Everybody always makes fun...

and gives me so much flak
about what a terrible cook I am...

but I'll tell you something...

I make a pretty mean sandwich.

- Aah!
- What's wrong, Amanda?

- No, no!
- You look a little pale. Amanda.


- No. No!
- How about a glass of water?

I'm gonna get you a
drink, okay? Some water.

A little glass of water.



- Francine.
- Oh.

- What happened? You all right?
- I don't know.

- Come on. On your feet.
- Find yourself sleeping on the floor?

- Yeah. Come on, sit down here.
- Oh. Okay. Oh.

- What happened?
- I don't know.

One minute I'm making cold cuts,
the next thing I'm out on the floor cold.

You know, maybe Amanda
doesn't like pastrami on rye.

Amanda did this?

Amanda was the only one in
here. We locked ourselves in.

Oh, man.

I think she's having
some kind of relapse.

Where could she have gone?

In her condition, she's so
vulnerable. She can be in danger.

In her condition, society
could be in danger right now.

Yeah. We'd better call
Billy, get an APB out.

I just hope she's
not in trouble.

PHILIP: And he's off!
- Hi, boys.


- Hello, Mother.
- I was wondering when you'd get ho...

Guess she didn't get her raise.

Okay, boys, it is time
for milk and cookies.


- All right. Get those
feet off the furniture.

- Oh, yeah.
- There you go.


- Why isn't this thing loaded?
- Loaded?

See that?

Hello. Get me Melrose,
please. This is King here.

Bill? Amanda. Listen, I've been
thinking about this Retzig thing.

It's gone way too far.

Pick up on 3.

Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am.
I'll send someone right over.

Is this Amanda or John Wayne?

We gotta nail this
sucker and nail him good.

Good, Amanda. People
respect assertiveness.

It's the drug. She thinks she's
taking over the Retzig operation.

Oh, God help us.

I'd better get over there.

Yes, ma'am.

We gotta put more into it, Bill.
We're gonna take no prisoners.

I have some unfinished
business at the office.

You gonna be home for
supper? We're going to Goofy Golf.

AMANDA: We'll see!

Well, old Bill's getting
pretty efficient. I like that.

Hello. I believe I've seen you at the
agency but we haven't met. Amanda King.

Logan. Niles Logan.

Yes, Logan. Well, drive
carefully, won't you?

Wasn't that Stetson's car?

Agent Stetson is running
backup on this operation.

Ah. Good. Good of Melrose to
be so on top of it, huh? Ha-ha-ha.

Good driving there.

- Secure the inside. I'll wait for Stetson.
- Right.



Let Amanda go! She's a civilian.

You've got no quarrel with her.

I make my quarrels
with whom I please.


That's where I saw
you. At the hospital.

Very good, Mrs. King.

Now, let's be cooperative, shall
we? I don't wanna use this just yet.

RETZIG: How does it feel to
be center stage, Mr. Stetson?

If you're looking at
me, try stage right.

Oh, I'm sorry. I get so
confused. Make that stage left.



RETZIG: Well...

isn't this a cozy little group?

One unarmed agent,
one drugged-out civilian...

and one little bottle of antidote,
the object of everyone's attention.

- Bring the plans?
- I brought them to the park.

- Where were you then?
- Oh, that's too bad.

It doesn't matter. I've grown tired
of this particular game, anyway.

I think it's time I put you
both out of your misery.

Stetson, don't!

Anything you forgot
to include in your will?

Drop it or I'll splatter
you all over the stage!

You irritate me, Mrs. King.

- Perhaps you should die first.
- Dog meat!



It's okay, partner.

You won't be
needing that anymore.

Good work, Scarecrow.
Bill will be pleased.

Let's get this dirtbag downtown.


Yes, ma'am.


- Hello, sir. Hello, Francine.
- Hi.

Well, the antidote worked.

- How are you feeling, Amanda?
- Oh, I feel just fine, sir.

I just really don't understand.

You don't remember anything
that happened earlier today?

No, Francine. I don't remember a
thing since the time I ate Lee's sandwich.


You're all looking at
me awfully strangely.

I certainly hope I didn't
do anything embarrassing.

Oh, no. No. Everything
is just fine, believe me.

Oh, good.

- I've got to tidy up a few things.
- I've got a report to file.

Oh, look. You left
this at Lee's apartment.

- When was I at Lee's apartment?
- Francine.

You know, when you were
cleaning up the broken vase...

you didn't by any chance
see a baseball, did you?


It's a souvenir. It's been
in the family a long time.

Yeah. I didn't see
anything like that. Sorry.

How could I have lost that?

- Lee? Hardball?
- Hmm? Yeah.

- Ty Cobb's signature?
- Oh, yeah.

You've been keeping it
in my purse again. Ha-ha.